My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 7 | My Team | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Denver Horse-Track | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Shut the hell up for two seconds and listen to that sound. That low rumble, that murmur of 20,000 people holding their breath at the same time. That's the sound of an arena that knows tonight is going to be something. We're here for a franchise that's in the DNA of this league, a club with as many banners in the rafters as ghosts in the locker room. Legends have walked this court, careers have been shattered here, and miracles have been born on this very floor. Tonight, we write the next chapter. The team with no name, baby! There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's Shai Gilgeous-Alexander. Standing at 198 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face. And the most terrifying thing about him? It's not the stats, it's not the size, it's the calm. You know that moment where the arena is on its feet, the clock is ticking down the final seconds, sweat is pouring... And he's just chewing his gum like he's waiting for the bus? Then he loads up. And drains it. Stone cold. In front of 20,000 people on the verge of cardiac arrest. That's what a franchise player is: the guy who carries everyone on his shoulders and still makes it look easy. Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Jeffrey Epstein is on this team. Jeffrey Epstein, who is a philanthropist and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with bare hands under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world. The budget is simple: it's not a budget anymore, it's a manifesto. The owner said "I don't give a damn about consequences" and he proved it. We're in financial territory that even Adam Silver didn't anticipate when he wrote the rules. Every extra dollar spent costs five dollars in tax, and guess what, they spend WAY too many extra dollars. The roster is an infernal machine, the bench is a thing of beauty, but the price is zero future. No picks, no possible trades, no plan B. It's the championship or a wall at 200 miles per hour. There is no middle ground.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
86-124 (L)
The palace of hoops welcomes Stephen Hawking! The university professor with the young scholars has arrived!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander explodes the Wilson right into the defender's hands! Lack of consistency!
Michael Jordan passes to nobody! This basketball god with a head-scratching decision!
Jeffrey Epstein gets back-doored! Didn't see it, like not seeing the game behind their bare hands!
Jeffrey Epstein, this versatile guy, waves off the play call! Hot head hurting the team!
Back to the locker room. Kobe Bryant punches his locker. The staff told me Kobe Bryant sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Kobe Bryant, this mountain of a man, can't finish under the basket! That one stings!
Kobe Bryant, this absolute unit, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
Jeffrey Epstein, this solid build, gets called for the carry! Lack of consistency in ball-handling!
Stephen Hawking mutters to himself walking back! This potential GOAT fighting inner demons!
Kobe Bryant, this undisputed superstar, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander mutters 'damn' under his breath. Stephen Hawking says 'yeah' in the same tone. Evening confession: I'm wearing Shai Gilgeous-Alexander's jersey under my shirt. For morale. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
112-80 (W)
Jeffrey Epstein dishes into position! This undisputed superstar not wasting any time!
Kobe Bryant with an incredible floater in the paint! Standing ovation!
Michael Jordan with the skip pass! Assist leads to an open buzzer beater!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander with the smooth pull-up jumper! This next-level player making it look easy!
This basketball god Kobe Bryant with the volleyball spike a defensive stop! Emphatic!
That's a wrap for now. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander dives into the tunnel. Word is Shai Gilgeous-Alexander sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander rises up the rock beautifully for a thunderous slam! What touch!
Jeffrey Epstein, this basketball god, wraps it up with a flourish! Total destruction!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander trips over the leather! Even this dude putting the league on notice has those moments!
Jeffrey Epstein with the finger to the lips to hush the crowd after the and-one! This absolute legend is fired up!
This hooper's hooper Shai Gilgeous-Alexander wraps up a sensational performance! Victory is sweet!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander makes a heart with his hands toward the camera. Jeffrey Epstein makes a bigger heart. Michael Jordan makes a massive heart. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
119-74 (W)
Jeffrey Epstein gets the crowd going early! Setting the tone like a philanthropist on day one!
Jeffrey Epstein, this all-around player, dominates from mid-range and puts up a layup! Unstoppable!
This franchise cornerstone Michael Jordan leads the fast break and dishes! Easy bucket off the assist!
Stephen Hawking scores off the glass! Bank shot precision of a university professor!
Stephen Hawking defends the post! Sturdy as a university professor braced for impact!
Both teams head to the locker room. Stephen Hawking wipes his forehead with his jersey. Little secret: Stephen Hawking listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Michael Jordan, this all-time great, sinks a euro-step with surgical precision on the low block!
Jeffrey Epstein with the dagger in the blowout! Overkill! The philanthropist showed no mercy!
Kobe Bryant calls a timeout team doesn't have! This potential GOAT lost count!
This dude putting the league on notice Shai Gilgeous-Alexander rallies the crowd! A primal scream from the right corner! Deafening!
That's the game! Michael Jordan finishes with a monster performance! This all-time great victorious!
Stephen Hawking and Kobe Bryant freestyle a victory rap. Michael Jordan does the beatbox. It's terrible but magnificent. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
124-96 (W)
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander opens with a double-clutch layup! This guy with a proven track record making an early statement!
An alley-oop by Stephen Hawking under the basket! Scary good handles in every fiber!
Jeffrey Epstein drops into help defense! Always there when you need a philanthropist!
Michael Jordan drives into the lane and kicks out! A gym-rat work ethic and great decision-making!
Stephen Hawking baits the defender! Got them hook, line, and sinker!
Break! Michael Jordan has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Little secret: Michael Jordan listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Michael Jordan dribbles to the rack for a hook shot! Can't contain this tower!
Kobe Bryant, this once-in-a-lifetime player, feeds off every decibel! A cathedral silence is fuel!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this seasoned vet, rotates on defense! That dawg mentality team commitment!
This guy with rings on every finger Michael Jordan proves the critics wrong! A signature move vindication!
Game over! Stephen Hawking proved a university professor belongs on the court with their lecture notes!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander points both hands at the sky. Michael Jordan points at Shai Gilgeous-Alexander. Kobe Bryant points at the exit. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
107-109 (L)
Stephen Hawking, this do-it-all player, sets the tone immediately! Ridiculous creativity from the jump!
A devastating dunk from Kobe Bryant! This first-ballot legend reminding everyone why they're on top!
Jeffrey Epstein, this smooth operator, gets blown by on the perimeter! Occasional mental lapses in the legs!
Stephen Hawking, this hall-of-fame lock, with a contested bank shot that misses back to the basket!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this mammoth, blocks the shot and starts the break! Comeback!
Break. Shai Gilgeous-Alexander's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. They say Shai Gilgeous-Alexander eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Kobe Bryant misses in the clutch! A buzzer-beater off the mark in the third quarter!
Kobe Bryant, this tower, shows negative body language! Injury-prone body creeping in!
Michael Jordan is writing the story tonight! This living legend with a hook shot from downtown!
Michael Jordan gets stripped during crunch time! That's gonna be a costly turnover!
Michael Jordan sits alone on the bench. This franchise cornerstone processing the defeat.
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander unclasps his chain and squeezes it in his fist. Michael Jordan runs a hand down his face. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
121-95 (W)
Stephen Hawking announces themselves! The university professor has arrived and the building knows it!
Jeffrey Epstein, this tweener, showcases a gym-rat work ethic with a gorgeous bank shot!
This undisputed superstar Kobe Bryant takes the charge from mid-range! Gutsy play!
Stephen Hawking dishes through traffic! Threading the needle like a pro!
Kobe Bryant drives the ball out of the trap! Iron discipline under pressure!
Back to the locker room. Stephen Hawking's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Exclusive: Stephen Hawking was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Jeffrey Epstein fires away and fires a deep three! This solid build lighting it up!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander drives and the crowd chants the name! Listen to that noise!
Stephen Hawking tips the rebound to a teammate! Selfless play from this university professor!
This dude putting the league on notice Shai Gilgeous-Alexander flips the script! From struggle to dominance!
This certified GOAT candidate Kobe Bryant led from start to finish! Comprehensive win!
Stephen Hawking and Michael Jordan fake a wrestling match. Jeffrey Epstein plays the referee and calls a timeout. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Michael Jordan. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
105-87 (W)
Stephen Hawking, this generational talent, embraces the wild stands! Game on!
Michael Jordan, this first-ballot legend, operates from way beyond the arc with a bank shot! Clinic!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander rejects the layup! A commanding rebound by this mammoth! Get that out!
Jeffrey Epstein with the alley-oop pass! Launching the pill with philanthropist precision!
Michael Jordan uses the hesitation dribble! An off-the-charts basketball IQ creating separation!
Break. Stephen Hawking's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Anecdote: Stephen Hawking fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Michael Jordan, this potential GOAT, drops a fadeaway jumper in the paint! Pure artistry!
This all-time great Kobe Bryant silences the hostile crowd! A Finals-like atmosphere shifts!
This household name Stephen Hawking celebrates the teammate's score! It's about the team!
Michael Jordan, this franchise cornerstone, has the intangibles! Freakish explosiveness beyond the stats!
Stephen Hawking leaves everything on the hardwood! Left it all out there tonight!
Kobe Bryant improvises an Oscar acceptance speech. Jeffrey Epstein plays the imaginary violin. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
99-116 (L)
Kobe Bryant, this towering presence, announced to huge cheers! A cathedral silence!
This basketball god Stephen Hawking whiffs on a double-clutch layup! The crowd groans!
Jeffrey Epstein throws it away! A pass worse than a philanthropist tossing the game!
Stephen Hawking overcommits and gets beat! Hot head when reading the play!
This absolute legend Michael Jordan converts in the paint! A step-back three right on cue!
The locker room. Stephen Hawking sprawls out full-length on the bench. Juicy anecdote: Stephen Hawking was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this league veteran, yells at the coaching staff! Ego the size of Texas causing friction!
Michael Jordan launches but the shot rims out! Defense that's basically a suggestion rears its ugly head!
Michael Jordan, this basketball god, orchestrates the delay game! Scary good handles in action!
This hall-of-fame lock Michael Jordan can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
This basketball god Jeffrey Epstein leaves the temple of basketball with head held high. Fought to the end.
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander turns back to look at the court one last time. Michael Jordan doesn't turn around. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
113-111 (W)
Tip-off! Kobe Bryant gets us started! Let's go!
This absolute legend Michael Jordan with a rebound in traffic under the basket! Intimidating!
Kobe Bryant can't buy a bucket! Another miss along the baseline! Frustrating!
Kobe Bryant crosses over the rock with an off-the-charts basketball IQ. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
Stephen Hawking adjusts the tempo! Controlling the rhythm like a veteran university professor!
Halftime. Jeffrey Epstein throws his towel on the floor walking in. Rumor has it Jeffrey Epstein has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander delivers in the clutch! A fadeaway jumper along the baseline! This solid pro is ice cold!
This global icon Michael Jordan with the screen navigation! Gets through and contests!
The crowd is on its feet! A sold-out gym on fire as Shai Gilgeous-Alexander takes the court!
This potential GOAT Michael Jordan converts the and-one in late in the quarter! Three-point play!
It's over! Michael Jordan delivers the goods! This undisputed superstar walks off a winner!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander points both hands at the sky. Michael Jordan points at Shai Gilgeous-Alexander. Kobe Bryant points at the exit. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
110-109 (W)
This once-in-a-lifetime player Michael Jordan opens the scoring! A reverse layup! Early advantage!
Kobe Bryant strips the ball cleanly! Veteran move right there!
This first-ballot legend Michael Jordan rattles it out! So close yet so far facing the rim!
Jeffrey Epstein scores again! When you're a philanthropist by trade, the Wilson is child's play!
Jeffrey Epstein uses that philanthropist IQ on the court! Tactical brilliance!
Halftime whistle! Shai Gilgeous-Alexander slides down against the hallway wall. Anecdote of the day: Shai Gilgeous-Alexander forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Jeffrey Epstein with the dagger scoop layup! This potential GOAT buries the opposition!
Jeffrey Epstein alters the shot! Bending the play to their will, pure philanthropist power!
This next-level player Shai Gilgeous-Alexander acknowledges the fans! An incredible energy of mutual respect!
Michael Jordan penetrates past the defender! A layup in the clutch! Incredible!
Jeffrey Epstein heads to the locker room with a smile! Good day at the office for the philanthropist!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander and Michael Jordan stare at each other in silence for five seconds. Then burst out laughing at the exact same time. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
103-104 (L)
This first-ballot legend Kobe Bryant in the starting lineup! Let's see what this first-ballot legend brings!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this tree of a man, rises above and hammers an off-balance shot!
Michael Jordan lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this basketball god fooled!
Michael Jordan, this household name, with the shot-clock heave! No good under the basket!
Stephen Hawking blows past and scores! The comeback is on! This hall-of-fame lock believing!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Stephen Hawking asks for an ice pack. Little scoop: Stephen Hawking tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Stephen Hawking fouls at the worst time! A university professor tripping over the young scholars!
Kobe Bryant, this big fella, throws the hands up! Exasperated on the low block!
Stephen Hawking channels their inner university professor,challenging the young scholars made these hands!
Jeffrey Epstein attacks and slips! Turnover in the first quarter! Heavy feet!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this 7-footer, hangs the head. Tough loss despite freakish explosiveness effort.
Jeffrey Epstein mutters while walking out. Stephen Hawking watches from the corner of his eye, worried. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
98-93 (W)
This household name Michael Jordan catches the damn ball early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, this legit talent, reads the play perfectly and delivers a double-clutch layup!
Michael Jordan with the huge rebound in traffic at the buzzer! This certified GOAT candidate says no!
This dude putting the league on notice Shai Gilgeous-Alexander with the behind-the-back dish! Highlight-reel pass!
This global icon Michael Jordan with the savvy veteran play! A killer instinct experience showing!
The locker room. Michael Jordan sprawls out full-length on the bench. Anecdote: Michael Jordan once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
A buzzer-beater from Jeffrey Epstein along the baseline! That's a statement right there!
The road crowd tries to rally but Michael Jordan silences them! An electric crowd!
Kobe Bryant launches the orange with patience! This generational talent trusting the system!
Stephen Hawking spins into the record books! This once-in-a-lifetime player making memories!
Kobe Bryant can breathe! The win is secured, it's over!
Kobe Bryant and Michael Jordan slap each other's butts. Stephen Hawking declines the invitation. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
90-100 (L)
This absolute legend Kobe Bryant comes out aggressive! Opens with a reverse layup at the buzzer!
This guy with rings on every finger Michael Jordan misses the mark! A bucket goes begging driving to the hoop!
This certified GOAT candidate Jeffrey Epstein loses concentration and the Wilson with it!
This generational talent Michael Jordan bites on the fake! Beaten along the baseline!
Kobe Bryant, this titan, uses every inch to deliver a layup!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Shai Gilgeous-Alexander picks up the pace. Fun fact: Shai Gilgeous-Alexander tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
This undisputed superstar Kobe Bryant can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander fires a floater from downtown but can't connect! Limited stamina showing!
This potential GOAT Michael Jordan recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
Stephen Hawking looks to the bench for relief! Relief like a university professor relieved of their lecture notes!
Stephen Hawking consoles teammates! The heart of a university professor in that moment!
Michael Jordan stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. Kobe Bryant comes back to get him. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
84-125 (L)
Michael Jordan, this potential GOAT, draws first blood! A two-handed slam to start!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander gets a clean look but injury-prone body costs the bucket!
Jeffrey Epstein, this tweener, commits the travel! Sometimes predictable game in the footwork!
Michael Jordan gambles for the steal and pays the price! Limited stamina!
This potential GOAT Jeffrey Epstein slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Halftime. Kobe Bryant wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Intel: Kobe Bryant once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
This legit talent Shai Gilgeous-Alexander shanks a buzzer beater in the paint! That's uncharacteristic!
Jeffrey Epstein grabs the jersey for air! Needs more air than their bare hands in the workshop!
This basketball god Kobe Bryant gets pickpocketed driving to the hoop! Sloppy handling!
This league veteran Shai Gilgeous-Alexander shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Michael Jordan, this franchise cornerstone, takes the loss hard. Sometimes predictable game at the wrong moments.
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Michael Jordan tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
94-106 (L)
Michael Jordan fires up the crowd to open the game! This hall-of-fame lock starting strong!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander misfires from the right corner! This seasoned vet searching for answers!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Kobe Bryant with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander bites on the pump fake! This seasoned vet sent flying along the baseline!
Stephen Hawking nails a sky hook from deep! Range like their lecture notes reaching across the workshop!
Back in the locker room, Jeffrey Epstein sits down and stares at the ceiling. Did you know? Jeffrey Epstein once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
Michael Jordan mouths off and picks up a T! Defense that's basically a suggestion taking over!
A floater from Michael Jordan sails wide! This first-ballot legend needs to regroup!
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander penetrates into the right spacing! A gym-rat work ethic and elite court awareness!
This potential GOAT Jeffrey Epstein stumbles! The fatigue is real after the four quarters!
Michael Jordan reflects on what could have been. Heavy feet the difference tonight.
Kobe Bryant's face is locked shut, zero emotion. Jeffrey Epstein hides his eyes under a towel. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
My Team ends the season #7 with a 8W-7L record. Season MVP: Shai Gilgeous-Alexander.
Season Journal
Shut the hell up for two seconds and listen to that sound. That low rumble, that murmur of 20,000 people holding their breath at the same time. That's the sound of an arena that knows tonight is going to be something. We're here for a franchise that's in the DNA of this league, a club with as many banners in the rafters as ghosts in the locker room. Legends have walked this court, careers have been shattered here, and miracles have been born on this very floor. Tonight, we write the next chapter. The team with no name, baby!
There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's Shai Gilgeous-Alexander. Standing at 198 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face.
And the most terrifying thing about him? It's not the stats, it's not the size, it's the calm. You know that moment where the arena is on its feet, the clock is ticking down the final seconds, sweat is pouring... And he's just chewing his gum like he's waiting for the bus? Then he loads up. And drains it. Stone cold. In front of 20,000 people on the verge of cardiac arrest. That's what a franchise player is: the guy who carries everyone on his shoulders and still makes it look easy.
Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Jeffrey Epstein is on this team. Jeffrey Epstein, who is a philanthropist and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with bare hands under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world.
The budget is simple: it's not a budget anymore, it's a manifesto. The owner said "I don't give a damn about consequences" and he proved it. We're in financial territory that even Adam Silver didn't anticipate when he wrote the rules. Every extra dollar spent costs five dollars in tax, and guess what, they spend WAY too many extra dollars. The roster is an infernal machine, the bench is a thing of beauty, but the price is zero future. No picks, no possible trades, no plan B. It's the championship or a wall at 200 miles per hour. There is no middle ground.
My Team ends the season #7 with a 8W-7L record. Season MVP: Shai Gilgeous-Alexander.
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