My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 6 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | My Team | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 8 | New York Over-Timers | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby! Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's LeBron James. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. Standing at 206 cm, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly. The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins. Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Joe Biden is on this team. Joe Biden, who is a university professor and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with their lecture notes under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world. Let's address the elephant in the room: the budget is OBSCENE. We're so deep into the luxury tax that the team accountant quit, got replaced, and the replacement quit too. The owner doesn't give a damn, he wants the ring and he's willing to burn every last dollar to get it. The result? An absolute dream roster. Every name on this lineup card sends shivers down opponents' spines. It's like playing NBA 2K with the sliders maxed out. It's almost unfair. And tonight, it probably will be.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
102-119 (L)
Joe Biden comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the university professor means business!
This raw talent Tyler Morris whiffs on a finger roll! The crowd groans!
This established star Stephen Curry loses concentration and the damn ball with it!
LeBron James gambles for the steal and pays the price! Hot head!
Stephen Curry, this combo guard, uses every inch to deliver a pull-up jumper!
Halftime whistle. LeBron James high-fives his teammates on the way out. Fun fact: LeBron James got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Joe Biden mouths off during crunch time! A university professor venting about the young scholars!
Tyler Morris air-mails a step-back three under the basket! Way off for this dude out of nowhere!
Michael Jordan dunks to the weak side! This global icon exploiting the rotation!
LeBron James is cramping up! This undisputed superstar trying to shake it off! Hot head!
This franchise cornerstone LeBron James leaves the floor with head held high. Fought to the end.
Michael Jordan and LeBron James share a single look. Just one. It contains all the disappointment in the world. I got a text from Michael Jordan after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
124-78 (W)
Tyler Morris steps onto the court! From shredding the blazing solo to this, game time!
Joe Biden scores from the elbow! Perfect angle, the university professor knows geometry!
Tyler Morris, this smooth operator, hits the cutter perfectly! Scary good handles right on time!
Tyler Morris with the reverse layup! Creative as a guitarist with the blazing solo!
Michael Jordan forces the shot-clock violation! Eyes in the back of the head on full display!
Halftime whistle. Joe Biden flops into the first available chair. Staff confession: Joe Biden is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
Michael Jordan catches fire! And it's a tear drop! Next-level basketball IQ taking over!
LeBron James, this big fella, has the opposition calling for mercy at half court!
This hall-of-fame lock Michael Jordan argues a call that went in their favor! Wait what?
This living legend Joe Biden holds up three fingers! A fist pump toward the bench after the triple!
Michael Jordan, this all-time great, embraces the teammates! A hug with the coach! Sweet victory!
LeBron James and Tyler Morris freestyle a victory rap. Michael Jordan does the beatbox. It's terrible but magnificent. Tonight I had a revelation: Michael Jordan runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
96-107 (L)
Tyler Morris fires up the crowd to open the game! This player nobody saw coming starting strong!
LeBron James gets a clean look but shaky emotions under pressure costs the bucket!
Tyler Morris botches the handoff! Even their electric guitar exchanges go smoother!
Joe Biden, this smooth operator, can't keep up with the speed! Limited stamina exposed!
Stephen Curry, this All-Star caliber talent, operates from the right corner with a free throw! Clinic!
Break. Stephen Curry collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. They say Stephen Curry eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Michael Jordan takes off and kicks the stanchion! This certified GOAT candidate losing composure!
Tyler Morris, this dark horse, pulls the trigger from mid-range but no luck!
Joe Biden triggers the fast break! Launching the offense with university professor urgency!
LeBron James, this once-in-a-lifetime player, sucking wind after that sprint! The 48 regulation minutes of battle!
Tyler Morris leaves the venue quietly! Quiet as a guitarist after the blazing solo setback!
Tyler Morris collapses into the first available chair. Michael Jordan stays standing, eyes glazed over. Evening confession: I'm wearing Tyler Morris's jersey under my shirt. For morale. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
99-107 (L)
The game begins and Stephen Curry is ready! You can see insane court vision written all over his face!
Tyler Morris explodes but the shot rims out! Heavy feet rears its ugly head!
LeBron James lets fly into a dead end at half court! Turnover! Injury-prone body!
This basketball god Michael Jordan commits the and-one foul! Shaky emotions under pressure in positioning!
LeBron James buries a bucket off the pick and roll! This all-time great is on fire tonight!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Stephen Curry to massage his thighs. Fun fact: Stephen Curry was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
This unknown gem Tyler Morris fouls hard out of frustration! Limited stamina showing!
Joe Biden bricks it! Not the same accuracy as challenging the young scholars!
Joe Biden, this swiss-army-knife type, seals the defender for position! Fundamentals!
This multi-time All-Star Stephen Curry has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
Stephen Curry, this top-tier talent, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Tyler Morris looks like someone who hasn't slept in three days. Joe Biden looks like someone who won't sleep tonight. Tonight I had a revelation: Joe Biden runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
121-101 (W)
Tip-off! Stephen Curry gets us started! Let's go!
Joe Biden, this tweener, elevates for a monster alley-oop!
Stephen Curry a defensive stop with authority! This solid build protecting the paint!
Michael Jordan fades away the ball through traffic! What a pass by this undisputed superstar!
Michael Jordan spins to the right spot! Unreal swagger off-ball movement!
That's a cut. Joe Biden stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Fun fact: Joe Biden tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
LeBron James, this certified GOAT candidate, drills another half-court heave off the pick and roll! Automatic!
Listen to that roar! Stephen Curry spins and the place explodes!
This newcomer Tyler Morris runs the damn ball patiently! Searching for the perfect shot!
The legend of Stephen Curry grows! This bonafide star adding another chapter driving to the hoop!
LeBron James, this generational talent, points to the crowd! A slide across the hardwood! This was for the fans!
Stephen Curry and Michael Jordan pound their chests like gorillas. The coach pretends not to know them. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
128-83 (W)
Tyler Morris bounces the rock pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
Stephen Curry, this big-name player, knifes through for a pull-up jumper in transition! Wow!
LeBron James threads the needle! Beautiful assist at half court! Unreal court vision!
Stephen Curry knocks down a hook shot driving to the hoop! Ice in the veins!
This max-contract guy Stephen Curry forces the air ball with pressure! Suffocating!
Coach calls everyone back. Tyler Morris drags his feet toward the tunnel. Fun fact: Tyler Morris got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Stephen Curry scores with insane court vision. A bucket facing the rim! Too smooth!
Joe Biden piles it on! A catch-and-shoot triple extends the lead! No mercy tonight!
LeBron James, this mountain of a man, flexes after a missed shot! This living legend keeping it positive!
Michael Jordan, this generational talent, with the too-small gesture! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd! Mismatch!
LeBron James grabs the game ball! This all-time great earned it tonight!
Joe Biden gives his headband to a kid in the crowd. LeBron James gives his shoes. Tyler Morris gives his water bottle. The kid is overwhelmed. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
108-106 (W)
Michael Jordan opens with a buzzer-beater! This undisputed superstar making an early statement!
Stephen Curry with the huge charge taken at the buzzer! This max-contract guy says no!
Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, gets the separation but can't finish! Hot head!
LeBron James, this guy with rings on every finger, unleashes a pull-up jumper off the pick and roll! Bang!
Stephen Curry, this top-tier talent, manipulates the defense with the eyes! A killer instinct!
Back in the locker room, Stephen Curry sits down and stares at the ceiling. Intel: Stephen Curry refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. We're back! The players look fired up.
LeBron James, this tree of a man, scores the go-ahead! A fadeaway jumper! Heart of a champion!
Michael Jordan, this giant, swats it into the third row! A flawless defensive rotation!
The building is buzzing! LeBron James and a hostile crowd creating magic!
Tyler Morris, this versatile guy, blocks the go-ahead attempt! Coming out of the locker room a surgical steal!
Joe Biden, this once-in-a-lifetime player, soaks in the moment! Victory from the right corner! A raised fist!
Joe Biden and Michael Jordan cradle the game ball like a baby. LeBron James takes a photo. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
93-99 (L)
And we're underway! Michael Jordan touches the orange first! This certified GOAT candidate looks eager!
This generational talent Michael Jordan shanks a finger roll from mid-range! That's uncharacteristic!
Tyler Morris passes to nobody! This who-is-this-guy player with a head-scratching decision!
Tyler Morris gets crossed over! This dude out of nowhere left frozen along the baseline!
This guy with rings on every finger Joe Biden does it again! An and-one with effortless precision!
Halftime whistle. Joe Biden spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Rumor has it Joe Biden tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
Michael Jordan storms to the bench! This franchise cornerstone is visibly upset!
A fadeaway jumper from Michael Jordan catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
Michael Jordan, this oversized freak, exploits the mismatch at the top of the key! Smart play!
Stephen Curry is running on pure willpower! This elite player refusing to quit!
Stephen Curry spins past the media. This bonafide star not in the mood to talk.
Stephen Curry takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. LeBron James follows the same path. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
116-85 (W)
Tyler Morris wins the opening tip! Tipping off with guitarist energy!
Joe Biden, this do-it-all player, glides to back to the basket for a silky pull-up jumper!
This potential GOAT Michael Jordan turns the corner and finds the open man! Unselfish!
Tyler Morris catches and shoots,a fadeaway jumper! Quick hands from shredding the blazing solo!
This who-is-this-guy player Tyler Morris comes up with a massive steal! Transition time!
Halftime. Joe Biden wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Little scoop: Joe Biden tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
This all-time great Michael Jordan is automatic from way beyond the arc! A floater drops again!
Tyler Morris, this total unknown, still going full throttle! No mercy tonight!
Joe Biden just tried to use their lecture notes on the pill! Wrong equipment, right energy!
Stephen Curry pumps the fist! This jersey-selling name feeling it facing the rim! A bench mob celebration!
Tyler Morris, this smooth operator, takes the final bow! A bench mob celebration! Dominant display!
Stephen Curry improvises an Oscar acceptance speech. Michael Jordan plays the imaginary violin. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
100-110 (L)
LeBron James looks dialed in from the start! Eyes in the back of the head preparation showing!
This household name Michael Jordan misses the mark! A fadeaway jumper goes begging from downtown!
Tyler Morris trips up in the three-point line! A guitarist never trips at work... Right?
LeBron James bites on the pump fake! This once-in-a-lifetime player sent flying at half court!
Tyler Morris with an incredible pull-up jumper at the buzzer! Standing ovation!
Back to the locker room. Joe Biden punches his locker. Intel: Joe Biden asked Denver Horse-Track for their energy drink recipe. They refused. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Tyler Morris slams the pill in frustration! Tendency to force bad shots on full display!
Tyler Morris can't connect! Their electric guitar in hand, sure. The Wilson through the hoop, nope!
This absolute legend LeBron James uses the floater over this 7-footer coverage! Smart!
LeBron James short-arms the shot from fatigue! This basketball god has nothing left!
Stephen Curry walks off in silence. This elite player gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Stephen Curry mutters while walking out. Joe Biden watches from the corner of his eye, worried. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
122-99 (W)
Stephen Curry lets fly into position! This max-contract guy not wasting any time!
What a play by Tyler Morris! A half-court heave from the right corner! This who-is-this-guy player is cooking!
Joe Biden pressures the inbound! This generational talent with relentless natural-born leadership!
Stephen Curry blows past and dishes! Gorgeous feed at the buzzer! Silky smooth technique!
LeBron James identifies the soft spot in the zone! This once-in-a-lifetime player surgical precision!
Break! Joe Biden has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. I've been told Joe Biden once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Tyler Morris applies the same technique to the Spalding as to the blazing solo. An and-one in the paint!
The jumbotron shows Tyler Morris's guitarist highlight reel! What a career!
Stephen Curry, this solid build, boxes out for the teammate! This reliable star doing the dirty work!
This guy with rings on every finger Michael Jordan digs deep! Finding reserves nobody knew existed!
This first-ballot legend LeBron James raises the arms! The win is in the books! A team high-five!
Stephen Curry gives his headband to a kid in the crowd. Michael Jordan gives his shoes. Joe Biden gives his water bottle. The kid is overwhelmed. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
113-112 (W)
Stephen Curry launches with energy from the opening whistle! This certified bucket locked in!
This basketball god LeBron James forces the bad pass! Ridiculous creativity creating turnovers!
LeBron James misfires off the pick and roll! Even this guy with rings on every finger has off nights!
Joe Biden, this all-around player, posts up and delivers a floater! Textbook!
Michael Jordan steps back with purpose every possession! This certified GOAT candidate chess master!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Tyler Morris walks head down toward the tunnel. They say Tyler Morris eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
LeBron James, this long boy, comes through when called upon! On the final possession! Star!
LeBron James, this titan, covers ground to get the left-handed block! Wow!
This potential breakout star Tyler Morris gets the crowd into it! A standing ovation at fever pitch!
Stephen Curry comes alive in the extra period! A reverse layup back to the basket! Clutch!
That's the game! Joe Biden finishes with a monster performance! This guy with rings on every finger victorious!
Joe Biden drops to his knees and kisses the court. LeBron James pretends to gag. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
89-123 (L)
This franchise cornerstone Michael Jordan comes out firing! A fadeaway jumper in the first minute!
Joe Biden launches and misses! The basketball isn't the young scholars, and it shows!
Tyler Morris throws it away! Occasional mental lapses under pressure facing the rim!
Michael Jordan, this walking skyscraper, gets dunked on from mid-range! Poster material!
Joe Biden glares at the orange! Like it personally betrayed this university professor!
The players leave the court. Stephen Curry clings to the tunnel railing. Intel: Stephen Curry refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
LeBron James crosses over the leather awkwardly! The touch just isn't there for this undisputed superstar!
Tyler Morris grimaces through the effort! The grimace of a guitarist finishing the blazing solo!
This player nobody saw coming Tyler Morris forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Michael Jordan can't mask the disappointment! This generational talent wearing it on the sleeve!
Michael Jordan, this colossus, trudges off the arena. Lessons to take from this one.
Joe Biden chews his nails on the bench. LeBron James stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
85-123 (L)
Tyler Morris checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Tyler Morris skips it off the rim! The blazing solo has better hop than that!
LeBron James with a wild pass that sails out! This certified GOAT candidate giving it away!
This undisputed superstar LeBron James misjudges the passing lane! Easy assist through!
Michael Jordan gets a technical for complaining! Tendency to rush on full display!
Finally a breather. Tyler Morris has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. They say Tyler Morris has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Tyler Morris can't buy a shot! Wouldn't happen with the blazing solo, a guitarist always hits!
This multi-time All-Star Stephen Curry is a warrior but the body says no! The 4 periods of 12 minutes of war!
Tyler Morris throws it into the stands! What was that from this potential breakout star!
Michael Jordan, this tower, waves off the play call! Occasional mental lapses hurting the team!
This headliner Stephen Curry tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Michael Jordan isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Joe Biden tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. Tonight I had a revelation: Joe Biden runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
96-108 (L)
This reliable star Stephen Curry means business! Fast start driving to the hoop!
Tyler Morris, this raw talent, comes up empty! A euro-step off target along the baseline!
Stephen Curry launches carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Stephen Curry, this all-around player, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over heavy feet!
Joe Biden dribbles through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
Break. Stephen Curry's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Staff confession: Stephen Curry is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Tyler Morris glares at the scoreboard! This total unknown not happy with the situation!
Joe Biden gets blocked! Rejected harder than a university professor's worst day on the job!
This max-contract guy Stephen Curry attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
Michael Jordan, this colossus, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
Michael Jordan had the chances but couldn't convert. This global icon left wanting.
Tyler Morris has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. Joe Biden has aged ten years in forty minutes. I got a text from Tyler Morris after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
My Team ends the season #7 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.
Season Journal
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby!
Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's LeBron James. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. Standing at 206 cm, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly.
The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins.
Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Joe Biden is on this team. Joe Biden, who is a university professor and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with their lecture notes under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world.
Let's address the elephant in the room: the budget is OBSCENE. We're so deep into the luxury tax that the team accountant quit, got replaced, and the replacement quit too. The owner doesn't give a damn, he wants the ring and he's willing to burn every last dollar to get it. The result? An absolute dream roster. Every name on this lineup card sends shivers down opponents' spines. It's like playing NBA 2K with the sliders maxed out. It's almost unfair. And tonight, it probably will be.
My Team ends the season #7 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.
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