My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇵🇭
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | My Team | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 9 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 11 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Good evening everyone and fasten your seatbelts because tonight we are not doing this gently. The arena is already sweating, the DJ cranked the volume so high the hardwood is vibrating, and there's a guy in the third row who painted his chest in the team colors even though it's freezing outside. That's devotion. That's basketball madness. And the franchise rolling in tonight deserves every decibel of this insane atmosphere. They've been through the hell of winless stretches and the ecstasy of Finals appearances, and honestly, nobody ever knows what they're going to pull off. That's what makes this sport so damn beautiful. The team with no name, baby! If you paid for your ticket tonight, there's one reason and one reason only, and that reason's name is Victor Wembanyama. Standing at 224 cm, marathon-runner cardio, and surgeon's hands. This man catches a ball mid-flight the way you grab the remote off the couch. Except he follows it up with a spin move, a step-back, and a 30-footer that doesn't even touch the rim. Nothing but net. Every single time. Like the basket is magnetized to the damn ball. What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch. Hold on tight because the next name is going to make you spit out your beer: Wally West. Profession? Superhero. Yeah. The coach saw him on TV, called his agent (who didn't exist), and offered him a ten-day contract "to see." The guy showed up with bare hands, a ham sandwich, and bulletproof enthusiasm. At his first practice, he attempted a dunk and ended up hanging from the net like a cat stuck in a tree. The fire department came. Twice. But he's got heart, the man, and apparently the precision he puts into the game could translate to mid-range shooting. We believe. Well, the coach believes. The rest of us broke out the popcorn. This team's budget is the GDP of a small country. Seriously, there are nations at the UN moving less cash than this roster. The Second Apron is blown to smithereens, the repeater tax bleeds the owner dry with every signature, and the league watches them with a mix of disgust and fascination. But the owner doesn't care. He has a dream, and that dream is a championship banner hanging from the rafters of this arena. Everything else, the penalties, the sacrificed Draft picks, the zero flexibility, that's just details. Damn details.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
97-106 (L)
Wally West stretches center court! Loosening up, the superhero is getting ready!
Victor Wembanyama with the off-balance scoop layup! This player making noise couldn't set the feet!
Keldon Johnson with the backcourt violation! This established player under too much pressure!
This total unknown Wally West bites on the fake! Beaten from mid-range!
Keldon Johnson converts off the pick and roll! A two-handed slam with trademark iron discipline!
That's a wrap for now. Keldon Johnson dives into the tunnel. Fun fact: Keldon Johnson was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Kelly Olynyk, this mammoth, waves off the play call! Limited stamina hurting the team!
This guy with a proven track record Victor Wembanyama shanks a two-handed slam off the pick and roll! That's uncharacteristic!
Kelly Olynyk attacks into the right spacing! Freakish explosiveness and elite court awareness!
Victor Wembanyama, this tower, looks exhausted off the pick and roll! The legs are gone!
Stephen Hawking dishes past the media. This hall-of-fame lock not in the mood to talk.
Victor Wembanyama sits on the floor in the hallway. Kelly Olynyk sits down next to him. Nobody speaks. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
123-81 (W)
Tip-off! Kelly Olynyk gets us started! Let's go!
Wally West with an and-one to seal the deal! A superhero who always closes!
Kelly Olynyk blows past the basketball with precision! Assist along the baseline! Floor general!
Stephen Hawking drops a catch-and-shoot triple! The accuracy of a university professor on full display!
Victor Wembanyama shuts the door from way beyond the arc! That's how you play defense!
Break! Wally West grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Did you know Wally West entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
Stephen Hawking drives and delivers a finger roll! Their lecture notes by day, buckets by night!
Keldon Johnson, this beanpole, caps off a dominant performance! Next-level basketball IQ from start to finish!
Wally West smuggled their bare hands onto the temple of basketball! The ref is investigating!
This hungry young player Wally West waves goodbye to the opponent! A chest bump! Savage!
Victor Wembanyama crosses over the trophy! This up-and-coming baller adds to the collection! A team high-five!
Victor Wembanyama launches his shoe into the air. Stephen Hawking catches it. Standing ovation. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
99-108 (L)
This player making noise Victor Wembanyama catches the damn ball early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Wally West pulls up but the shot rims out! Defense that's basically a suggestion rears its ugly head!
Stephen Hawking, this do-it-all player, gets called for the carry! Tendency to rush in ball-handling!
Wally West gives up the back door! Shaky emotions under pressure when overplaying!
Kelly Olynyk answers back with a fadeaway jumper! Nerves of steel under pressure!
Coach calls everyone back. Stephen Hawking drags his feet toward the tunnel. Small detail: Stephen Hawking whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
Victor Wembanyama, this tree of a man, throws the hands up! Exasperated facing the rim!
Victor Wembanyama pulls up the orange but it won't fall! Cold streak continues!
Keldon Johnson, this big fella, exploits the mismatch from way beyond the arc! Smart play!
This guy with a proven track record Victor Wembanyama can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
Kelly Olynyk, this mountain of a man, hangs the head. Tough loss despite natural-born leadership effort.
Victor Wembanyama shakes Keldon Johnson's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
101-90 (W)
This league veteran Victor Wembanyama means business! Fast start off the pick and roll!
Victor Wembanyama buries a scoop layup from way beyond the arc! This respected competitor is on fire tonight!
Stephen Hawking with the defensive masterclass! A university professor teaching everyone a lesson!
Kelly Olynyk with the touch pass! This player on the come-up barely had the Wilson and found the man!
This solid pro Victor Wembanyama runs the pick-and-pop to perfection! Tactical mastery!
Rest time. Wally West isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Fun fact: Wally West tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Victor Wembanyama with the and-one sky hook! Freakish explosiveness through the whistle!
The crowd is on its feet! An electric crowd as Keldon Johnson takes the court!
Kelly Olynyk finds the open teammate! This solid pro making everyone better!
The transformation of Wally West is complete! This newcomer has arrived!
This well-respected player Keldon Johnson seals the deal! Victory with an unmatched feel for the game!
Stephen Hawking and Victor Wembanyama chest bump so hard they each fly back three meters. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
110-93 (W)
Kelly Olynyk takes off with energy from the opening whistle! This name that's buzzing locked in!
Keldon Johnson strings together a catch-and-shoot triple in transition. An off-the-charts basketball IQ on full display!
Keldon Johnson digs in defensively! Iron discipline when the team needs stops!
Stephen Hawking serves it on a platter! A university professor serving the young scholars with style!
Keldon Johnson, this long boy, uses the jab step to freeze the defender! Crafty!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Victor Wembanyama asks for an ice pack. Did you know Victor Wembanyama entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Keldon Johnson, this dude putting the league on notice, threads the needle for a floater on the low block!
Wild stands as Victor Wembanyama, this tree of a man, is introduced! Goosebumps!
This player making noise Victor Wembanyama celebrates the teammate's score! It's about the team!
The stadium knows it! Victor Wembanyama is special! This player on the come-up writing legacy!
Wally West hangs up the headband! Calling it a night, the superhero is done!
Stephen Hawking and Victor Wembanyama attempt an elaborate handshake. They miss three times. Kelly Olynyk films the whole thing. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Stephen Hawking's name. Forgive me. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
104-109 (L)
Wally West looks dialed in from the start! Next-level basketball IQ preparation showing!
Kelly Olynyk, this seasoned vet, drills another layup facing the rim! Automatic!
Stephen Hawking can't contain the drive! Challenging the young scholars is more containable!
Victor Wembanyama, this long boy, gets the separation but can't finish! Tendency to force bad shots!
Stephen Hawking hits another! This franchise cornerstone on a personal run facing the rim!
Back to the locker room. Stephen Hawking's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Little scoop: Stephen Hawking logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Keldon Johnson, this tower, forces a bad shot in the second quarter! Tendency to force bad shots!
Victor Wembanyama picks up the second technical! This player making noise ejected! Lack of consistency!
Victor Wembanyama has found another gear! This seasoned vet shifting into overdrive!
Stephen Hawking throws it away in the closing moments! A university professor wasting their lecture notes at the worst time!
Keldon Johnson sits alone on the bench. This respected competitor processing the defeat.
Victor Wembanyama stares at his hands like he doesn't recognize them. Wally West exhales. Again. And again. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
108-90 (W)
And we're underway! Kelly Olynyk touches the pill first! This legit talent looks eager!
Wally West with the step-back double-clutch layup! Creating space like a superhero with their bare hands!
Stephen Hawking slides the feet perfectly and forces a miss! Eyes in the back of the head in every step!
Victor Wembanyama rises up into the lane and kicks out! Ridiculous creativity and great decision-making!
Stephen Hawking slows the pace when the team needs it! This potential GOAT tempo control!
The locker room. Stephen Hawking sprawls out full-length on the bench. Did you know Stephen Hawking plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
This established player Kelly Olynyk does it again! A pull-up jumper with effortless precision!
The arena is electric! This name that's buzzing Victor Wembanyama thriving in a Finals-like atmosphere!
Keldon Johnson sprints back on defense! This next-level player leading by example!
Stephen Hawking is living proof that university professor can thrive on the field house!
Stephen Hawking finishes what they started! Finishing the pill like finishing the young scholars!
Kelly Olynyk hugs the mascot. Stephen Hawking hugs the referee. Awkward. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
122-93 (W)
Keldon Johnson, this colossus, announced to huge cheers! An electric crowd!
Wally West lets fly the Spalding with purpose! A half-court heave! This surprise package means business!
This league veteran Kelly Olynyk forces the bad pass! A killer instinct creating turnovers!
Stephen Hawking threads the needle! Beautiful assist from the left corner! Unreal court vision!
Victor Wembanyama explodes to the weak side! This legit talent exploiting the rotation!
Halftime whistle. Victor Wembanyama high-fives his teammates on the way out. Rumor has it Victor Wembanyama tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Keldon Johnson attacks the leather with natural-born leadership. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
Standing room only! A cathedral silence as Keldon Johnson takes over under the basket!
This name that's buzzing Victor Wembanyama unites the locker room! Unreal swagger captain's mentality!
The legend of Kelly Olynyk grows! This well-respected player adding another chapter back to the basket!
This well-respected player Kelly Olynyk secures the win with nerves of steel! Another one in the bag!
Keldon Johnson and Wally West chest bump so hard they each fly back three meters. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
110-106 (W)
Keldon Johnson penetrates into position! This established player not wasting any time!
Stephen Hawking anticipates perfectly! A university professor who always sees it coming!
An alley-oop by Stephen Hawking under the basket is way off! Tough night for this undisputed superstar!
Wally West hooks it in! The arc of a superhero swinging their bare hands!
Stephen Hawking manages the clock! Time management of a university professor who never misses a deadline!
Off to the locker room. Victor Wembanyama has already drained two water bottles. True story: Victor Wembanyama had his parking spot stolen by Houston Blast-Off's mascot. Still talks about it. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
Wally West owns crunch time! Running this game like it's their superhero shift!
Wally West guards the perimeter! Patrolling with superhero vigilance!
Stephen Hawking salutes the fans! Saluting the crowd, the university professor signs off in style!
Stephen Hawking, this solid build, hits the big shot! On a strategic timeout! That's a closer!
Kelly Olynyk sits on the bench with a smile! This name that's buzzing job well done!
Wally West charges toward the crowd. Kelly Olynyk catches him just before he dives into the stands. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
102-99 (W)
Kelly Olynyk, this titan, takes the court! The boiling cauldron is electric!
Keldon Johnson with the huge left-handed block in transition! This legit talent says no!
This name that's buzzing Kelly Olynyk whiffs on a devastating dunk! The crowd groans!
Wally West hits an alley-oop! Insane court vision proving to be the difference tonight!
Kelly Olynyk blows past to the right spot! Iron discipline off-ball movement!
Halftime whistle! Kelly Olynyk grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Anecdote: Kelly Olynyk tried to impress the Denver Horse-Track players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With his face. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
This legit talent Victor Wembanyama answers back immediately! A pull-up jumper along the baseline! Resilient!
Stephen Hawking denies the entry pass! No the young scholars gets past this university professor!
This raw talent Wally West draws the MVP chants! The crowd is on their feet for the star!
Victor Wembanyama pulls up for the lead! A finger roll at half court! What a moment!
Victor Wembanyama, this giant, carries the team to victory! MVP-level performance!
Stephen Hawking and Keldon Johnson lap the court arm in arm, singing. Off-key. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
115-108 (W)
Keldon Johnson, this player making noise, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Victor Wembanyama spins through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
Kelly Olynyk, this well-respected player, walls up back to the basket! Impenetrable defense!
This well-respected player Keldon Johnson with the one-handed bullet pass! Right on the money!
Stephen Hawking pins the defender! Pinning them down with university professor authority!
Back in the locker room, Keldon Johnson sits down and stares at the ceiling. Anecdote: Keldon Johnson tried to impress the New York Over-Timers players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With his face. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
Wally West explodes and scores! Those superhero hands work wonders with the rock!
Kelly Olynyk in a hostile crowd! This name that's buzzing has been waiting for this stage!
Stephen Hawking unites the squad with a relentless run and gun! The unifier, the university professor of the young scholars!
Tonight, Wally West isn't just a superhero, they're a phenomenon with their bare hands!
This established player Victor Wembanyama led from start to finish! Comprehensive win!
Victor Wembanyama makes a heart with his hands toward the camera. Stephen Hawking makes a bigger heart. Kelly Olynyk makes a massive heart. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
111-110 (W)
This all-time great Stephen Hawking gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
This name that's buzzing Keldon Johnson comes up with a massive steal! Transition time!
Stephen Hawking, this global icon, pulls the trigger on the low block but no luck!
Stephen Hawking cuts and scores! Sharp as their lecture notes, this university professor!
Kelly Olynyk reads the defense perfectly! Natural-born leadership and a sky-high basketball IQ!
The locker room. Victor Wembanyama sprawls out full-length on the bench. Juicy anecdote: Victor Wembanyama was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
Keldon Johnson dunks with the game on the line! A pull-up jumper! He lives for this!
This player making noise Keldon Johnson forces the air ball with pressure! Suffocating!
The entire arena rises for Stephen Hawking! A university professor lifted by their lecture notes and love!
This established player Kelly Olynyk steals it in the first quarter! Turns defense into points!
Wally West, this total unknown, high-fives the bench! A fist pump toward the bench! Team effort!
Keldon Johnson and Wally West slap each other's butts. Victor Wembanyama declines the invitation. I learned that Keldon Johnson's father was a university professor. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
105-109 (L)
Wally West steps onto the gymnasium! From competing the game to this, game time!
This next-level player Kelly Olynyk with a picture-perfect pull-up jumper! The crowd goes wild!
Wally West gets screened out! Stuck behind their bare hands like it's a wall!
Kelly Olynyk, this oversized freak, can't finish at the buzzer! That one stings!
Stephen Hawking brings them back from the brink! Their lecture notes to the rescue!
Cut! Halftime. Kelly Olynyk's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Little scoop: Kelly Olynyk collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
This respected competitor Kelly Olynyk with the clutch-time breakdown! Limited stamina on full display!
Wally West pounds the scorer's table! Frustrated! The superhero in them is showing!
This is the Keldon Johnson game! This legit talent taking over in the second quarter!
Victor Wembanyama forces the hero ball and misses! This league veteran with limited stamina!
Wally West looks at the scoreboard one last time! Numbers don't lie for a superhero!
Victor Wembanyama unclasps his chain and squeezes it in his fist. Stephen Hawking runs a hand down his face. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
95-103 (L)
Opening possession for Stephen Hawking! First touch, like first touch of their lecture notes!
Victor Wembanyama fires away the damn ball into nothing! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display tonight!
Keldon Johnson coughs up the pill! Injury-prone body strikes again back to the basket!
Kelly Olynyk loses the screen battle! Shaky emotions under pressure around the picks!
A bucket from Keldon Johnson! This established player is putting on a show tonight!
Halftime. Kelly Olynyk's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Fun fact: Kelly Olynyk failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Keldon Johnson mutters to himself walking back! This well-respected player fighting inner demons!
Wally West misses the layup! Even the game would have gone in easier!
This seasoned vet Victor Wembanyama recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
This solid pro Keldon Johnson calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Hot head taking its toll!
Keldon Johnson, this dude putting the league on notice, takes the loss hard. Ego the size of Texas at the wrong moments.
Stephen Hawking kicks his towel across the floor. Wally West has already left for the locker room, alone. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
98-101 (L)
The game begins and Stephen Hawking is ready! You can see unreal swagger written all over his face!
Wally West converts the and-one! Tough as competing the game all day!
This name that's buzzing Kelly Olynyk picks up the cheap foul! Occasional mental lapses showing!
Keldon Johnson fires a free throw along the baseline but can't connect! Ego the size of Texas showing!
Wally West catches fire in the second quarter! Burning hotter than their bare hands!
Halftime whistle! Kelly Olynyk slides down against the hallway wall. Locker room intel: Kelly Olynyk has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
This hidden prospect Wally West can't deliver when it matters! Heavy feet under pressure!
Kelly Olynyk glares at the scoreboard! This legit talent not happy with the situation!
This dude putting the league on notice Kelly Olynyk channels the inner champion! Unreal swagger at its peak!
Kelly Olynyk can't hit the go-ahead! Tendency to rush when the lights are brightest!
Wally West leaves the hardwood quietly! Quiet as a superhero after the game setback!
Wally West lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Keldon Johnson holds his in. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
My Team ends the season #7 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Victor Wembanyama.
Season journal
💬 💬 Comments & Suggestions (0)
💭
No comments yet. Be the first to share your opinion!
