Bakersfield — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 4 | Denver Horse-Track | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 9 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Bakersfield | 1 | 14 | 2 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. Ladies and gentlemen... Bakersfield! Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but Nikola Jokić is something else entirely. He's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. Standing at 208 cm, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This man feels the game. He knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. He reads passes like he's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery. What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch. Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: he signed Thor, his brother-in-law and a composer by trade, on a ten-day contract. The guy showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying their conductor's baton and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if Thor can place a basketball with the same precision he uses for the grand symphony to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the guy's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench. Budget-wise, they're playing by the rules. Barely. It's clean, but it's tight. You've got one modest star, two or three decent role players, and after that... It's a black hole on the bench. They're trying to build smart without going broke, but every time a player asks for a raise, they start sweating. This is the definition of a "middle of the pack" squad.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
86-130 (L)
Ectoplasma starts in the sixth man! Playing the sixth man the way an undertaker’s man plays with their somber hearse!
Air ball from Ectoplasma! Being an undertaker’s man doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
This reliable star Kyrie Irving commits the offensive foul! Turnover from mid-range!
This newcomer Ectoplasma can't recover! Scored on under the basket! Limited stamina!
Kyrie Irving spins away from the huddle! This top-tier talent in a dark place mentally!
Rest. Thor buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Anecdote: Thor lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
This dark horse Thor throws up a prayer facing the rim! Not answered!
Bart Simpson is gassed! More tired than after a full day of deceiving the trusting mark!
Bart Simpson gets picked! A deceiver getting the trusting mark stolen in broad daylight!
Bart Simpson stares in disbelief! The look of a deceiver who just lost everything!
Kyrie Irving, this tweener, hangs the head. Tough loss despite nerves of steel effort.
Nikola Jokić leaves the court at a jog. Thor stays there, planted at center court, motionless. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
125-96 (W)
Kyrie Irving, this swiss-army-knife type, takes the court! The Finals-like atmosphere is electric!
Ectoplasma muscles through for a buzzer-beater! The strength of an undertaker’s man moving the departed soul!
Thor denies the entry pass! No the grand symphony gets past this composer!
Ectoplasma racks up the helpers! Dishing like it's their undertaker’s man... Because it is!
Nikola Jokić slows the pace when the team needs it! This established star tempo control!
Both teams head to the locker room. Bart Simpson wipes his forehead with his jersey. Anecdote: Bart Simpson tried to impress the Miami Heart-Attack players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With his face. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
Kyrie Irving pulls up and drills a devastating dunk! Can't teach that!
Standing room only! A Finals-like atmosphere as Bart Simpson takes over driving to the hoop!
Bart Simpson covers for the teammate! Got your back, that's the deceiver way!
Kyrie Irving has found another gear! This jersey-selling name shifting into overdrive!
Thor high-fives the crowd! Those composer hands spreading joy!
Thor does a backflip. Well, he tries. Ectoplasma applauds the effort. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
88-104 (L)
Tip-off! Nikola Jokić gets us started! Let's go!
Ectoplasma goes to work the ball into the front rim! That's frustrating for this dark horse!
Kyrie Irving, this do-it-all player, commits the travel! Ego the size of Texas in the footwork!
This who-is-this-guy player Thor commits the and-one foul! Ego the size of Texas in positioning!
Thor finishes with style! Years of orchestrating the grand symphony built those hands!
The players file out. Bart Simpson exchanges a tense look with the coach. Rumor has it Bart Simpson talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Ectoplasma mouths off during crunch time! An undertaker’s man venting about the departed soul!
Kyrie Irving forces up a scoop layup over the defense! Shaky emotions under pressure! Bad decision!
Nikola Jokić makes the hockey pass! Silky smooth technique finding the extra pass!
This reliable star Nikola Jokić has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
Ectoplasma, this unknown gem, takes the loss hard. Limited stamina at the wrong moments.
Ectoplasma shakes Kyrie Irving's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
100-104 (L)
This unknown gem Bart Simpson gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Ectoplasma scores on the putback! Recycling the departed soul is second nature for an undertaker’s man!
Bart Simpson gets blown by! Even a deceiver couldn't stop that!
Nikola Jokić fires a fadeaway jumper at the buzzer but can't connect! Occasional mental lapses showing!
Bart Simpson fights through fatigue! That deceiver toughness is for real!
Halftime. Bart Simpson's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Fun fact: Bart Simpson failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
This established star Kyrie Irving dribbles out the clock! Shaky emotions under pressure costing precious seconds!
Bart Simpson glares at the scoreboard! This total unknown not happy with the situation!
Ectoplasma dedicates this game to the departed soul and every undertaker’s man who believed!
This player nobody saw coming Thor with the clutch-time breakdown! Sometimes predictable game on full display!
This rising star Bart Simpson congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this rising star.
Ectoplasma watches the crowd file out in silence. Kyrie Irving prefers not to look. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
91-130 (L)
The game begins and Kyrie Irving is ready! You can see unreal swagger written all over his face!
This dark horse Bart Simpson puts up an alley-oop but it won't fall! Off night!
This rising star Bart Simpson with turnover number points! Ego the size of Texas is piling up!
Kyrie Irving loses the screen battle! Sometimes predictable game around the picks!
Thor shakes their head! A composer who can't believe that just happened!
Cut! Halftime. Nikola Jokić's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Little secret: Nikola Jokić watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Nikola Jokić explodes but the shot rims out! Hot head rears its ugly head!
Ectoplasma tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like an undertaker’s man's energy for the departed soul!
This total unknown Bart Simpson dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
This established star Nikola Jokić gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Nikola Jokić had the chances but couldn't convert. This world-class player left wanting.
Nikola Jokić slams his fist on the bench. Thor places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. Evening confession: I'm wearing Nikola Jokić's jersey under my shirt. For morale. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
91-119 (L)
Kyrie Irving, this all-around player, sets the tone immediately! Night-in night-out consistency from the jump!
Kyrie Irving forces a thunderous slam in transition! This multi-time All-Star trying too hard!
Bart Simpson, this tweener, steps out of bounds with the ball! Mental lapse!
This hidden prospect Bart Simpson bites on the fake! Beaten from way beyond the arc!
Nikola Jokić, this colossus, carves up the defense for a free throw! Beautiful!
Halftime whistle. Bart Simpson spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Fun fact: Bart Simpson tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Nikola Jokić blows past angrily after the turnover! This All-Star caliber talent spiraling!
This All-Star caliber talent Kyrie Irving misses the mark! A bank shot goes begging in transition!
Bart Simpson goes small-ball! Adapting like a deceiver who reads the room!
Ectoplasma misses from fatigue! This total unknown can't get the elevation from the right corner!
Nikola Jokić, this 7-footer, trudges off the court. Lessons to take from this one.
Bart Simpson closes his eyes walking out. Kyrie Irving keeps his wide open, fixed, empty. Behind the scenes, I learned Kyrie Irving was also a deceiver in a past life. You can feel it in the game. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
88-132 (L)
Thor takes the court to a crowd fully behind them! The composer with their conductor's baton is here!
Nikola Jokić dunks the pill into nothing! Defense that's basically a suggestion on full display tonight!
Nikola Jokić passes to nobody! This big-name player with a head-scratching decision!
Bart Simpson, this swiss-army-knife type, can't keep up with the speed! Tendency to rush exposed!
Bart Simpson, this solid build, throws the hands up! Exasperated in transition!
The players leave the court. Nikola Jokić clings to the tunnel railing. They say Nikola Jokić eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
This big-name player Nikola Jokić shanks a pull-up jumper facing the rim! That's uncharacteristic!
Bart Simpson calls for the sub! Even a deceiver's stamina with their forged papers has limits!
Kyrie Irving with the errant pass! This multi-time All-Star needs to settle down!
Thor sits on the bench for a moment! Resting like a composer after a long shift!
Kyrie Irving reflects on what could have been. Occasional mental lapses the difference tonight.
Nikola Jokić replays the score in his head on a loop. Bart Simpson tries to think about something else. Behind the scenes, I learned Bart Simpson was also a deceiver in a past life. You can feel it in the game. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
87-105 (L)
And we're underway! Kyrie Irving touches the pill first! This franchise guy looks eager!
Nikola Jokić with a wild attempt! This world-class player not finding the range tonight!
Thor tries to be too fancy and loses the orange! Tendency to force bad shots in the decision-making!
This big-name player Nikola Jokić caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Kyrie Irving, this tweener, showcases eyes in the back of the head with a gorgeous thunderous slam!
Break! Nikola Jokić grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. The staff told me Nikola Jokić sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Ectoplasma tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the undertaker’s man will bounce back!
Nikola Jokić, this oversized freak, gets the separation but can't finish! Hot head!
Thor reads the defense like a book! Perfect play call from this composer!
Nikola Jokić attacks but can't sustain the effort! Tendency to force bad shots emptying the tank!
Thor packs up and heads out! Packing their conductor's baton, unpacking emotions!
Bart Simpson mutters while walking out. Kyrie Irving watches from the corner of his eye, worried. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
79-119 (L)
Ectoplasma stretches center court! Loosening up, the undertaker’s man is getting ready!
A layup by Nikola Jokić on the low block is way off! Tough night for this world-class player!
Nikola Jokić penetrates into a trap! Injury-prone body when reading the defense!
Nikola Jokić reacts too late to rotate! Defense that's basically a suggestion on the help side!
Thor gets a technical for complaining! Injury-prone body on full display!
Halftime whistle. Ectoplasma high-fives his teammates on the way out. Juicy anecdote: Ectoplasma was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
Bart Simpson forces a bad hook shot! This dude out of nowhere needs to trust teammates!
Ectoplasma gulps water! As thirsty as an undertaker’s man reaching for the departed soul!
Kyrie Irving, this do-it-all player, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted from mid-range!
Ectoplasma buries their face! Hidden from view, the undertaker’s man can't watch!
Thor shakes hands through the pain! A composer who respects their conductor's baton and the game!
Thor taps the tunnel wall as if trying to pass through it. Kyrie Irving walks through the door without pushing it. I learned backstage that Kyrie Irving also does deceiver on weekends. That explains those reflexes. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
88-124 (L)
This surprise package Ectoplasma comes out aggressive! Opens with a catch-and-shoot triple at the buzzer!
Bart Simpson whiffs on the jumper! A deceiver off their game with their forged papers!
Bart Simpson throws it away! A pass worse than a deceiver tossing the trusting mark!
Kyrie Irving, this smooth operator, lets the shooter get free at half court! Costly lapse!
Ectoplasma throws their hands up! Like an undertaker’s man when their somber hearse breaks!
Into the tunnel. Thor grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Rumor has it Thor tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
Bart Simpson can't find the range! Their forged papers has better accuracy than that!
Bart Simpson struggles in the second quarter! The deceiver hitting the wall with the trusting mark!
Thor trips up in the free-throw line! A composer never trips at work... Right?
Kyrie Irving drops the head after another miss! Tendency to rush sapping the confidence!
Ectoplasma gave it everything! Everything an undertaker’s man has, left on the court!
Nikola Jokić stares at the floor while Thor mutters something inaudible under his breath. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
77-118 (L)
This headliner Nikola Jokić means business! Fast start along the baseline!
This max-contract guy Nikola Jokić muscles up a layup but can't get it to fall!
Kyrie Irving throws it into the stands! What was that from this headliner!
Kyrie Irving, this do-it-all player, gets blown by on the perimeter! Tendency to force bad shots in the legs!
Thor drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a composer's spirit has limits!
Both teams head in. Ectoplasma has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Rumor has it Ectoplasma talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Kyrie Irving, this do-it-all player, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Ego the size of Texas!
Ectoplasma grabs the jersey for air! Needs more air than their somber hearse in the workshop!
Kyrie Irving charges right into the defender! Turnover! Defense that's basically a suggestion when controlling pace!
Kyrie Irving, this jersey-selling name, barks at the teammate! Tendency to force bad shots taking over!
Thor walks off in defeat! Even a composer's skills couldn't save tonight!
Thor replays the score in his head on a loop. Ectoplasma tries to think about something else. Evening confession: I'm wearing Thor's jersey under my shirt. For morale. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
83-128 (L)
This multi-time All-Star Nikola Jokić opens the scoring! A free throw! Early advantage!
Ectoplasma clanks it off the rim! That sounded like their somber hearse hitting the departed soul!
Bart Simpson coughs it up! A deceiver's grip doesn't work on the ball!
Ectoplasma beaten to the spot! Slower than an undertaker’s man on a Monday morning!
This jersey-selling name Kyrie Irving shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Back to the locker room. Kyrie Irving's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Locker room intel: Kyrie Irving has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
Thor takes a tough catch-and-shoot triple and it doesn't go! Tendency to rush in shot selection!
Nikola Jokić fires away sluggishly! Sometimes predictable game catching up with this jersey-selling name!
Ectoplasma loses the Wilson! An undertaker’s man would never be this careless!
Thor, this swiss-army-knife type, pounds the scorer's table! Defense that's basically a suggestion on full display!
This All-Star caliber talent Kyrie Irving leaves the venue with head held high. Fought to the end.
Nikola Jokić looks like someone who hasn't slept in three days. Thor looks like someone who won't sleep tonight. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
89-125 (L)
This newcomer Thor catches the rock early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
This jersey-selling name Nikola Jokić with a rare miss at half court! Even the best stumble!
Ectoplasma dribbles carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Bart Simpson caught flat-footed! Standing still, the deceiver reflexes took a nap!
Kyrie Irving mutters to himself walking back! This top-tier talent fighting inner demons!
Halftime whistle! Thor grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Rumor has it Thor does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Kyrie Irving dishes but overcooks it! Shaky emotions under pressure showing up again!
This potential breakout star Bart Simpson can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
Thor botches the handoff! Even their conductor's baton exchanges go smoother!
Thor slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a composer hits the workbench!
Kyrie Irving launches past the media. This franchise guy not in the mood to talk.
Kyrie Irving is the last one off the court, shoulders hunched. Nikola Jokić waits at the tunnel entrance. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
89-133 (L)
Nikola Jokić looks dialed in from the start! Iron discipline preparation showing!
Ectoplasma misses badly! Should have aimed like they aim their somber hearse at the departed soul!
Nikola Jokić dribbles the basketball right to the defense! Costly mistake by this guy everybody knows!
Ectoplasma can't stay in front! Escorting the departed soul doesn't build lateral quickness!
Thor, this all-around player, waves off the play call! Defense that's basically a suggestion hurting the team!
Into the tunnel. Nikola Jokić grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Did you know? Nikola Jokić once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
This franchise guy Kyrie Irving misfires again! Injury-prone body could cost the team!
This headliner Nikola Jokić can't close out! The legs are shot under the basket!
This hidden prospect Ectoplasma forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
This top-tier talent Kyrie Irving hangs the head after the miss! Deflated at half court!
This raw talent Bart Simpson stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this raw talent wanted.
Bart Simpson stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. Kyrie Irving comes back to get him. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
74-119 (L)
Kyrie Irving dunks into position! This reliable star not wasting any time!
Kyrie Irving, this versatile guy, bobbles the Spalding and the chance evaporates off the pick and roll!
Ectoplasma with a wild pass that sails out! This potential breakout star giving it away!
Bart Simpson gets crossed over! This rising star left frozen on the low block!
Thor looks to the heavens! A composer praying for their conductor's baton to work!
Players head to the locker room. Kyrie Irving has tape on three fingers. Intel: Kyrie Irving asked Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest for their energy drink recipe. They refused. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
Ectoplasma dishes the damn ball right into the defender's hands! Tendency to rush!
Thor soldiers on! The soldier who orchestrates the grand symphony with their conductor's baton!
Kyrie Irving throws it away! Occasional mental lapses under pressure from way beyond the arc!
Thor vents at their teammates! The composer who vents about the grand symphony!
Bart Simpson leaves the hardwood quietly! Quiet as a deceiver after the trusting mark setback!
Kyrie Irving scratches the back of his neck nervously. Nikola Jokić has the look of someone who has seen things. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Bakersfield finishes #15 (1W-14L). Better luck next season! MVP: Nikola Jokić.
Season Journal
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. Ladies and gentlemen... Bakersfield!
Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but Nikola Jokić is something else entirely. He's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. Standing at 208 cm, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This man feels the game. He knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. He reads passes like he's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery.
What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch.
Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: he signed Thor, his brother-in-law and a composer by trade, on a ten-day contract. The guy showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying their conductor's baton and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if Thor can place a basketball with the same precision he uses for the grand symphony to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the guy's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench.
Budget-wise, they're playing by the rules. Barely. It's clean, but it's tight. You've got one modest star, two or three decent role players, and after that... It's a black hole on the bench. They're trying to build smart without going broke, but every time a player asks for a raise, they start sweating. This is the definition of a "middle of the pack" squad.
Bakersfield finishes #15 (1W-14L). Better luck next season! MVP: Nikola Jokić.
💬 💬 Comments & Suggestions (0)
💭
No comments yet. Be the first to share your opinion!
Do you like this creation?
Share it with your friends!
.jpg?width=300&width=400)