My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇸🇬
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | New York Over-Timers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Phoenix No-Defense | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Houston Blast-Off | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 1 | 14 | 2 |
| 16 | My Team | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Alright, sit your ass down for two minutes because tonight we're not messing around, we're diving headfirst into a sold-out arena that smells like rubber and sweat, with 20,000 fans ready to lose their damn voices. We're about to relive the saga of a franchise that's seen it all: the glory years when they bulldozed the league, the dark ages when nothing went in, and the Draft-night strokes of genius that brought them back to the summit. This ain't just basketball, this is American legend carried by physical freaks who aren't here to play nice, they're here to carve their names into NBA history with psycho stat lines and rim-rattling dunks that shake the whole damn building. The team with no name, baby! Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for Kevin Durant! Picture this: standing at 208 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight. But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. And now, the moment nobody was waiting for but everybody is going to love: the coach signed Angela White. The woman is a stunt performer. A freaking stunt performer. In a league where everybody is 6'8" and runs a 4.4 forty, she rolls up with bare hands and a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. Her first instinct walking into the locker room? Ask where the coffee machine was. Her second instinct? Try to dribble and bounce the ball straight into her own face. The teammates lost it. The coach just said "that's the kind of grit I was looking for." We still don't know if she was serious or completely hammered. Financially, we're in no man's land. Not poor, not rich. The kind of team that eyes the trade deadline with longing but knows it can only afford the appetizer, not the full meal. They've built a solid core through smart Draft picks and savvy free agent signings, but don't ask them to compete with the big dogs. Their weapon? Chemistry. And a coach who turns lead into gold. Well, bronze. Okay, silver on a good day.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
86-130 (L)
Angela White looks dialed in from the start! Natural-born leadership preparation showing!
Cristiano Ronaldo, this living legend, comes up empty! A euro-step off target driving to the hoop!
Angela White throws it away! A pass worse than a stunt performer tossing the game!
Nick Daicos can't contain the drive! Tackling the open oval is more containable!
Angela White steps back the towel! This dude putting the league on notice showing injury-prone body!
That's a cut. Angela White stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Anecdote: Angela White threw up before her first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
Abella Danger off the back iron! Hard miss, even a tv host cringes at that!
Kevin Durant, this giant, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
Abella Danger throws it away! Defense that's basically a suggestion under pressure at the top of the key!
This player making noise Abella Danger gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
This rising star Nick Daicos tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Kevin Durant and Nick Daicos share a single look. Just one. It contains all the disappointment in the world. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
113-111 (W)
This unknown gem Nick Daicos in the starting lineup! Let's see what this unknown gem brings!
Cristiano Ronaldo forces the bad shot! Their football boots intimidation factor!
Cristiano Ronaldo, this swiss-army-knife type, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Hot head!
Kevin Durant spins the basketball beautifully for a floater! What touch!
Abella Danger slows the pace when the team needs it! This seasoned vet tempo control!
Break! Kevin Durant takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Locker room anecdote: Kevin Durant talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Kevin Durant hits nothing but net! A pull-up jumper in the closing moments! Pure God-given talent!
Angela White with the textbook defense! Written by a stunt performer with their bare hands!
A standing ovation as Angela White warms up with some stunt performer moves!
Angela White with the game-winner! The winning touch of their bare hands on the game!
Angela White delivers in this must-win game! The stunt performer shows up with their bare hands!
Kevin Durant does the floss while Angela White spins like a top. Nick Daicos just stands there, arms crossed. Cool. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
91-110 (L)
Abella Danger gets the crowd going early! Setting the tone like a tv host on day one!
Angela White misses the free throw! Competing the game under pressure is easier!
Nick Daicos throws it into the stands! What was that from this who-is-this-guy player!
Cristiano Ronaldo can't stay in front! Scoring the winning goal doesn't build lateral quickness!
Abella Danger, this established player, operates from mid-range with a hook shot! Clinic!
Halftime! Angela White checks her stats on the board and winces. Staff confession: Angela White is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Abella Danger can't hide the frustration! Their bare hands frustration meets the basketball frustration!
Kevin Durant forces up a euro-step over the defense! Limited stamina! Bad decision!
Angela White with the decoy run! Diverting attention, classic stunt performer misdirection!
Cristiano Ronaldo is gassed! More tired than after a full day of scoring the winning goal!
Angela White looks at the scoreboard one last time! Numbers don't lie for a stunt performer!
Abella Danger refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. Cristiano Ronaldo watches it and immediately regrets it. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
93-121 (L)
Tip-off! Kevin Durant gets us started! Let's go!
Air ball from Angela White! Being a stunt performer doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
Kevin Durant, this mammoth, steps out of bounds with the leather! Mental lapse!
Kevin Durant loses the screen battle! Tendency to rush around the picks!
Angela White strings together a bank shot under the basket. Silky smooth technique on full display!
Break! Nick Daicos heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Rumor has it Nick Daicos tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
Cristiano Ronaldo glares at the scoreboard! This guy with rings on every finger not happy with the situation!
This respected competitor Angela White whiffs on a reverse layup! The crowd groans!
Angela White, this scrappy guard, sets a brick-wall screen! Iron discipline on full display!
Cristiano Ronaldo, this global icon, sucking wind after that sprint! The allotted time of battle!
Angela White absorbs the defeat! Taking it on the chin, a stunt performer knows tough days!
Kevin Durant kicks his towel across the floor. Abella Danger has already left for the locker room, alone. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
97-114 (L)
This once-in-a-lifetime player Cristiano Ronaldo comes out firing! An alley-oop in the first minute!
Angela White forces a euro-step from downtown! This seasoned vet trying too hard!
Stolen from Angela White! A stunt performer who let it slip through their fingers!
This player on the come-up Angela White fouls reaching in! Tendency to force bad shots on defense!
Kevin Durant with the tough step-back three through contact! This reliable star won't be denied!
Coach calls everyone back. Angela White drags her feet toward the tunnel. I've been told Angela White once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Cristiano Ronaldo storms to the bench! Heated! This association football player doesn't handle losing well!
Kevin Durant penetrates but the shot rims out! Occasional mental lapses rears its ugly head!
Abella Danger finds the angle! The angle tv host uses for the game!
Angela White calls for the sub! Even a stunt performer's stamina with their bare hands has limits!
Cristiano Ronaldo gave it everything! Everything an association football player has, left on the court!
Nick Daicos mutters while walking out. Cristiano Ronaldo watches from the corner of his eye, worried. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
76-116 (L)
This household name Cristiano Ronaldo gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Cristiano Ronaldo fires a buzzer beater from the left corner but can't connect! Defense that's basically a suggestion showing!
Nick Daicos with a wild pass that sails out! This player nobody saw coming giving it away!
This jersey-selling name Kevin Durant caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Abella Danger drops the head after another miss! Lack of consistency sapping the confidence!
Halftime whistle. Cristiano Ronaldo flops into the first available chair. Did you know Cristiano Ronaldo keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
A free throw from Abella Danger goes in and out! Heartbreaking from mid-range!
Abella Danger is cramping up! This player making noise trying to shake it off! Shaky emotions under pressure!
Cristiano Ronaldo loses possession! The winning goal never leaves an association football player's hands like that!
Abella Danger tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the tv host will bounce back!
Despite the loss, Nick Daicos held their own with the open oval! The australian rules football player fought!
Kevin Durant clenches his left fist, unclenches, clenches again. Nick Daicos fidgets with his wristband nervously. I learned backstage that Nick Daicos also does tv host on weekends. That explains those reflexes. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
96-114 (L)
Cristiano Ronaldo bounces the pill pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
Abella Danger air-mails a floater along the baseline! Way off for this league veteran!
Kevin Durant lets fly into a trap! Occasional mental lapses when reading the defense!
Abella Danger gambles for the steal and pays the price! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
What a play by Kevin Durant! A layup from the right corner! This big-name player is cooking!
Off to the locker room. Abella Danger has already drained two water bottles. Little secret: Abella Danger listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Abella Danger explodes and kicks the stanchion! This solid pro losing composure!
Cristiano Ronaldo rattles it out! Shaking the palace of hoops with their football boots intensity!
Abella Danger runs the offense! Running it like a tv host runs the show!
Kevin Durant, this big fella, laboring up and down! Tendency to force bad shots draining the energy!
Cristiano Ronaldo consoles teammates! The heart of an association football player in that moment!
Angela White rips off her headband and throws it on the ground. Kevin Durant picks up his own and folds it carefully. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
76-117 (L)
The floor welcomes Nick Daicos! The australian rules football player with the open oval has arrived!
Nick Daicos launches and misses! The leather isn't the open oval, and it shows!
Cristiano Ronaldo passes to nobody! This undisputed superstar with a head-scratching decision!
Kevin Durant, this towering presence, gets dunked on back to the basket! Poster material!
Angela White argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to competing the game!
Halftime! Angela White has the hardwood pattern imprinted on her elbow. Small detail: Angela White whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
Abella Danger launches a finger roll and... Airball! Hot head at its peak!
Angela White needs oxygen! More winded than a stunt performer after overtime!
Turnover by Abella Danger! Competing the game requires less coordination, clearly!
Angela White, this player making noise, yells at the coaching staff! Limited stamina causing friction!
Angela White, this pocket rocket, trudges off the hardwood. Lessons to take from this one.
Nick Daicos and Cristiano Ronaldo share a single look. Just one. It contains all the disappointment in the world. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
84-129 (L)
Game time! Kevin Durant and this multi-time All-Star ready to put on a show at the gymnasium!
Abella Danger gets the friendly rim but no luck! Even the tv host touch can't save that one!
Angela White coughs it up! A stunt performer's grip doesn't work on the basketball!
Abella Danger gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the game on a rough day!
Kevin Durant, this oversized freak, waves off the play call! Ego the size of Texas hurting the team!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Nick Daicos walks head down toward the tunnel. Little scoop: Nick Daicos logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
This who-is-this-guy player Nick Daicos short-arms a sky hook off the pick and roll! Not enough lift!
This respected competitor Abella Danger can barely jump! The springs are gone at the buzzer!
This reliable star Kevin Durant loses concentration and the pill with it!
Angela White walks away muttering! Muttering about the game under their breath!
Abella Danger packs up and heads out! Packing their bare hands, unpacking emotions!
Abella Danger's eyes are glassy. Nick Daicos mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
80-124 (L)
And we're underway! Abella Danger touches the leather first! This player making noise looks eager!
Abella Danger rushes a deep three from the right corner! Hot head creeping in!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Cristiano Ronaldo dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Nick Daicos gets crossed over! This potential breakout star left frozen from the left corner!
Abella Danger buries their face! Hidden from view, the tv host can't watch!
The locker room. Nick Daicos sprawls out full-length on the bench. Did you know Nick Daicos entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
Cristiano Ronaldo gets blocked! Rejected harder than an association football player's worst day on the job!
Angela White leans on their knees! Gassed, but the stunt performer keeps going!
This big-name player Kevin Durant with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
Cristiano Ronaldo stares in disbelief! The look of an association football player who just lost everything!
Angela White tells reporters: 'Tomorrow we competes better, like the game!'
Abella Danger watches the crowd file out in silence. Cristiano Ronaldo prefers not to look. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
85-109 (L)
Cristiano Ronaldo checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Kevin Durant gets a clean look but occasional mental lapses costs the bucket!
Nick Daicos loses the damn ball in traffic! This who-is-this-guy player can't afford that!
Angela White gets posted up and scored on! This dude putting the league on notice overpowered!
Abella Danger floats one in from downtown! Delicate as a tv host with their bare hands!
Cut! Halftime. Abella Danger's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Fun fact: Abella Danger is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Angela White vents at their teammates! The stunt performer who vents about the game!
A euro-step from Kevin Durant sails wide! This bonafide star needs to regroup!
Cristiano Ronaldo makes the hockey assist! The unsung play of an association football player behind the winning goal!
Nick Daicos, this surprise package, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
Nick Daicos had the chances but couldn't convert. This newcomer left wanting.
Kevin Durant unclasps his chain and squeezes it in his fist. Nick Daicos runs a hand down his face. I learned that Kevin Durant's father was a tv host. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
86-110 (L)
Angela White locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a stunt performer who means business!
An alley-oop from Kevin Durant catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
Kevin Durant with the lazy pass! Heavy feet leading to easy points!
Cristiano Ronaldo gets burned on the drive! Sometimes predictable game in lateral movement!
Kevin Durant scores from the low block! An alley-oop with freakish explosiveness! Brilliant!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Abella Danger to massage her thighs. Fun fact: Abella Danger was voted best-looking player on the team. By her mom. In a poll she created herself. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
Abella Danger gets a technical for complaining! Injury-prone body on full display!
Abella Danger can't hit from the center circle! That zone is cursed for this tv host!
Angela White draws the double team! Attracting attention, the stunt performer is a magnet out there!
This bonafide star Kevin Durant signals to the bench! Needs a blow! Shaky emotions under pressure!
Angela White, this respected competitor, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Angela White shakes Kevin Durant's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
80-124 (L)
The game begins and Kevin Durant is ready! You can see night-in night-out consistency written all over his face!
Nick Daicos, this tweener, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this hidden prospect!
Abella Danger loses the Spalding! A tv host would never be this careless!
Nick Daicos gets screened out of the play! This hidden prospect lost in traffic!
Cristiano Ronaldo storms to the bench! This absolute legend is visibly upset!
Cut! Halftime. Nick Daicos's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Staff confession: Nick Daicos is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
Nick Daicos misses! Even an australian rules football player can't fix that shot!
Nick Daicos struggles in the closing moments! The australian rules football player hitting the wall with the open oval!
Abella Danger dribbles it off their foot! Their bare hands would never betray a tv host like that!
Cristiano Ronaldo slams the orange in frustration! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display!
Nick Daicos shakes hands through the pain! An australian rules football player who respects the sherrin ball and the game!
Abella Danger takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Cristiano Ronaldo doesn't drink. Throat too tight. Evening confession: I'm wearing Abella Danger's jersey under my shirt. For morale. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
77-116 (L)
Angela White, this league veteran, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Kevin Durant, this bonafide star, fumbles the finish facing the rim! Back to the drawing board!
Cristiano Ronaldo, this swiss-army-knife type, gets stripped on the low block! Hot head exposed!
Kevin Durant, this beanpole, lets the shooter get free back to the basket! Costly lapse!
Abella Danger mouths off and picks up a T! Injury-prone body taking over!
That's a cut. Abella Danger stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Anecdote: Abella Danger once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Kevin Durant crosses over and fires but misses everything! Limited stamina tonight!
Cristiano Ronaldo gets the cramp timeout! Cramping from scoring the winning goal and hooping!
Cristiano Ronaldo gets the ball stripped! The winning goal would have stayed in an association football player's grip!
This world-class player Kevin Durant hangs the head after the miss! Deflated from downtown!
Angela White wipes a tear! A stunt performer who poured everything into the effort!
Angela White stares at her hands like she doesn't recognize them. Kevin Durant exhales. Again. And again. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
76-114 (L)
Abella Danger wins the opening tip! Tipping off with tv host energy!
Abella Danger, this undersized spark plug, wastes a golden chance with a wild pull-up jumper!
Nick Daicos with the errant pass! This hidden prospect needs to settle down!
Kevin Durant scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Tendency to rush!
This guy everybody knows Kevin Durant fouls hard out of frustration! Lack of consistency showing!
Back in the locker room, Nick Daicos sits down and stares at the ceiling. Locker room intel: Nick Daicos has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Angela White misfires from the left corner! Even this up-and-coming baller has off nights!
Cristiano Ronaldo is gassed! This franchise cornerstone bent over at half court! Injury-prone body catching up!
Abella Danger with the careless pass! Competing the game with more care, please!
Kevin Durant, this jersey-selling name, with the frustrated foul! Hot head in tough moments!
Abella Danger vows to come back stronger! Stronger than their bare hands reinforced with the game!
Angela White unclasps her chain and squeezes it in her fist. Kevin Durant runs a hand down his face. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
My Team finishes #16 (1W-14L). Better luck next season! MVP: Kevin Durant.
Season journal
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