My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 6 | My Team | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 9 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Houston Blast-Off | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. The team with no name, baby! Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but Stephen Curry is something else entirely. He's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. Standing at 188 cm, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This man feels the game. He knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. He reads passes like he's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery. I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it. Hold on tight because the next name is going to make you spit out your beer: Steve Jobs. Profession? Inventor. Yeah. The coach saw him on TV, called his agent (who didn't exist), and offered him a ten-day contract "to see." The guy showed up with their prototype sketch, a ham sandwich, and bulletproof enthusiasm. At his first practice, he attempted a dunk and ended up hanging from the net like a cat stuck in a tree. The fire department came. Twice. But he's got heart, the man, and apparently the precision he puts into the status quo could translate to mid-range shooting. We believe. Well, the coach believes. The rest of us broke out the popcorn. This team's budget is the GDP of a small country. Seriously, there are nations at the UN moving less cash than this roster. The Second Apron is blown to smithereens, the repeater tax bleeds the owner dry with every signature, and the league watches them with a mix of disgust and fascination. But the owner doesn't care. He has a dream, and that dream is a championship banner hanging from the rafters of this arena. Everything else, the penalties, the sacrificed Draft picks, the zero flexibility, that's just details. Damn details.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
91-103 (L)
Steve Jobs stretches center court! Loosening up, the inventor is getting ready!
Tim Duncan clanks another one off the rim! This headliner needs to find rhythm!
Stephen Curry, this all-around player, commits the travel! Heavy feet in the footwork!
This global icon Michael Jordan caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
A pull-up jumper from Harry Potter at half court! That's a certified bucket-getter!
Halftime! Michael Jordan has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Anecdote: Michael Jordan once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
This headliner Stephen Curry shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Harry Potter misses! Even a juggler can't fix that shot!
Steve Jobs adjusts the tempo! Controlling the rhythm like a veteran inventor!
Michael Jordan, this mammoth, with tired legs along the baseline! Occasional mental lapses slowing this absolute legend down!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Harry Potter leaves the gymnasium with head held high. Fought to the end.
Harry Potter bites his lip, fists clenched. Stephen Curry shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
103-99 (W)
This certified GOAT candidate Harry Potter catches the Spalding early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Harry Potter anchors the defense! Solid as a juggler's foundation!
Stephen Curry launches the pill into nothing! Injury-prone body on full display tonight!
Stephen Curry dishes the Spalding with silky smooth technique. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
This potential GOAT Michael Jordan recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
Halftime. The doctor examines Tim Duncan's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Rumor has it Tim Duncan does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
Harry Potter answers back! Response time of a juggler responding to the game!
This multi-time All-Star Stephen Curry comes up with a massive steal! Transition time!
Stephen Curry in palpable tension! This big-name player has been waiting for this stage!
This max-contract guy Stephen Curry takes over in the first half! Silky smooth technique in crunch time!
This generational talent Steve Jobs walks off to a standing ovation! An incredible energy! Incredible!
Tim Duncan and Michael Jordan do celebratory push-ups. Stephen Curry counts out loud. Definitely cheating. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
117-91 (W)
This multi-time All-Star Tim Duncan comes out aggressive! Opens with a half-court heave along the baseline!
Stephen Curry with the highlight-reel two-handed slam! This big-name player owning the moment!
Tim Duncan rejects the layup! An iron-wall defense by this titan! Get that out!
Steve Jobs threads the needle! Precision of their prototype sketch through the status quo!
Steve Jobs, this generational talent, orchestrates the delay game! Iron discipline in action!
Finally a breather. Tim Duncan has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Locker room intel: Tim Duncan has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
Harry Potter finishes the fast break! Sprinting like a juggler who's running late!
The crowd is on its feet! A boiling cauldron as Tim Duncan takes the court!
Steve Jobs tips the rebound to a teammate! Selfless play from this inventor!
Michael Jordan steps back with the fire of a thousand suns! He's on fire!
This top-tier talent Stephen Curry led from start to finish! Comprehensive win!
Harry Potter cries tears of joy in Tim Duncan's arms. Stephen Curry is also crying but nobody knows why. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
104-101 (W)
This first-ballot legend Michael Jordan in the starting lineup! Let's see what this first-ballot legend brings!
Steve Jobs deflects the pass! Redirecting with inventor instincts!
A double-clutch layup from Tim Duncan hits the iron! Hot head under the spotlight!
A reverse layup from Michael Jordan at the buzzer! That's a statement right there!
Stephen Curry reads the defense perfectly! Eyes in the back of the head and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Tim Duncan walks head down toward the tunnel. Exclusive: Tim Duncan was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
Steve Jobs dribbles and drills it! On the decisive possession! Natural-born leadership under pressure!
Steve Jobs a surgical steal and starts the fast break! Defense wins championships!
Chills at the palace of hoops as Harry Potter gets introduced! The juggler with their bare hands!
This bonafide star Stephen Curry takes over! Back-to-back a buzzer beater in the final quarter!
Michael Jordan launches in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
Tim Duncan rips the net off the rim. Harry Potter wraps it around his neck like a scarf. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
112-83 (W)
Harry Potter gets the crowd going early! Setting the tone like a juggler on day one!
Harry Potter, this solid build, glides at the top of the key for a silky floater!
This bonafide star Stephen Curry with the screen navigation! Gets through and contests!
Harry Potter with the touch pass! This all-time great barely had the leather and found the man!
This all-time great Harry Potter calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Halftime! Michael Jordan looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Anecdote: Michael Jordan fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
Harry Potter carves through and scores! That's what a juggler does best!
Harry Potter, this franchise cornerstone, waves the crowd up! A roaring arena rising!
Tim Duncan makes the extra pass! This big-name player hockey assist for a fadeaway jumper!
Steve Jobs, this all-around player, carries the weight of the team on those shoulders!
Stephen Curry pulls up off the court victorious! This world-class player leaves it all out there!
Michael Jordan dumps his Gatorade on Tim Duncan who screams because it was cold. Steve Jobs piles on. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
123-101 (W)
Stephen Curry, this swiss-army-knife type, sets the tone immediately! Eyes in the back of the head from the jump!
Harry Potter posts up with the precision of a juggler at work. And it's a sky hook!
Tim Duncan forces the shot-clock violation! Eyes in the back of the head on full display!
Michael Jordan, this potential GOAT, sets the table at the top of the key! Assist master!
This elite player Stephen Curry adjusts at halftime and comes out sharp! Adaptation!
Halftime. Stephen Curry wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Juicy intel: Stephen Curry turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Steve Jobs crosses over and scores! A buzzer-beater! This all-around player is a problem!
Standing room only! An electric crowd as Michael Jordan takes over back to the basket!
This hall-of-fame lock Michael Jordan dives for the loose ball! Night-in night-out consistency on every play!
Harry Potter channels their inner juggler,competing the game made these hands!
This reliable star Tim Duncan seals the deal! Victory with nerves of steel!
Michael Jordan and Stephen Curry pretend to fish Steve Jobs out of the crowd. They pull hard. Did you know that Steve Jobs practices juggler on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
116-95 (W)
Harry Potter sets the tone early! The juggler came to play tonight!
A scoop layup by Tim Duncan from downtown! Night-in night-out consistency in every fiber!
Steve Jobs times it perfectly and rejects the shot! A charge taken along the baseline!
Harry Potter with the no-look pass! This absolute legend has eyes in the back of the head!
Michael Jordan crosses over to the right spot! An off-the-charts basketball IQ off-ball movement!
Break. Tim Duncan asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Anecdote: Tim Duncan once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
Michael Jordan, this absolute legend, drops a catch-and-shoot triple from mid-range! Pure artistry!
Michael Jordan, this 7-footer, gets the standing ovation! An electric crowd!
Stephen Curry brings energy off the bench! This established star infectious enthusiasm!
This is the Stephen Curry game! This elite player taking over in the closing moments!
Harry Potter celebrates at the final buzzer! Celebration worthy of their bare hands!
Tim Duncan, Michael Jordan, and Steve Jobs pose for a group photo at center court. Nobody has a phone. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
98-113 (L)
The game begins and Michael Jordan is ready! You can see eyes in the back of the head written all over his face!
Michael Jordan, this basketball god, pulls the trigger back to the basket but no luck!
Tim Duncan, this big fella, fumbles the entry pass from the right corner!
Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, gets exploited in the switch! Defense that's basically a suggestion exposed in the mismatch!
This guy everybody knows Tim Duncan finishes with authority! An off-balance shot from mid-range!
Into the tunnel. Tim Duncan grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Word is Tim Duncan sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Stephen Curry steps back and kicks the stanchion! This big-name player losing composure!
This potential GOAT Michael Jordan misses the mark! A layup goes begging from downtown!
Stephen Curry spaces the floor perfectly! Great read of the system!
Harry Potter calls for the sub! Even a juggler's stamina with their bare hands has limits!
Harry Potter vows to come back stronger! Stronger than their bare hands reinforced with the game!
Michael Jordan avoids the cameras like the plague. Stephen Curry gets caught. Just says 'we'll be better'. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Michael Jordan's name. Forgive me. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
112-94 (W)
Tim Duncan, this absolute unit, announced to huge cheers! A crowd fully behind them!
Michael Jordan answers back with a half-court heave! Unreal swagger under pressure!
Harry Potter wins the rebound battle! Snatched it like a juggler on the clock!
Stephen Curry, this max-contract guy, drives and kicks! Perfect assist for a layup!
Tim Duncan, this long boy, exploits the mismatch in transition! Smart play!
The locker room fills up. Michael Jordan has already eaten three oranges. Intel: Michael Jordan asked Houston Blast-Off for their energy drink recipe. They refused. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
This established star Tim Duncan goes to work along the baseline! A fadeaway jumper drops beautifully!
You can feel a Playoff atmosphere through the screen! Tim Duncan in the spotlight!
Stephen Curry sacrifices the body taking the charge! This max-contract guy ultimate teammate!
Steve Jobs's inventor colleagues watch from the stands, the status quo banners held high!
Michael Jordan, this living legend, points to the crowd! A salute to the fans! This was for the fans!
Tim Duncan and Stephen Curry run circles around Michael Jordan who doesn't move. Zen. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
119-100 (W)
This headliner Stephen Curry gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Harry Potter, this all-around player, overpowers for a scoop layup! Size matters!
This generational talent Harry Potter forces the bad pass! An off-the-charts basketball IQ creating turnovers!
This global icon Michael Jordan connects on the pick-and-roll! Assist for a floater!
Harry Potter communicates the switch! Clear as a juggler's instructions!
End of the second quarter. Stephen Curry is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Anecdote: Stephen Curry threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
This first-ballot legend Harry Potter does it again! A half-court heave with effortless precision!
This franchise cornerstone Michael Jordan gets the crowd into it! A crowd fully behind them at fever pitch!
Michael Jordan finds the open teammate! This franchise cornerstone making everyone better!
This will be talked about for years! Stephen Curry with a sky hook! Iconic!
This guy with rings on every finger Michael Jordan caps off a special night! A chest bump! Until next time!
Harry Potter and Michael Jordan cradle the game ball like a baby. Stephen Curry takes a photo. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Stephen Curry. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
81-112 (L)
Tip-off! Stephen Curry gets us started! Let's go!
Stephen Curry misfires facing the rim! Even this multi-time All-Star has off nights!
Harry Potter with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the game!
Harry Potter gets posterized! A juggler framed by their bare hands in the worst way!
Tim Duncan, this franchise guy, barks at the teammate! Tendency to force bad shots taking over!
End of the first act. Harry Potter is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Exclusive info: Harry Potter is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Tim Duncan with the off-balance thunderous slam! This multi-time All-Star couldn't set the feet!
Stephen Curry fires away but can't sustain the effort! Occasional mental lapses emptying the tank!
Michael Jordan with the lazy pass! Occasional mental lapses leading to easy points!
Tim Duncan, this world-class player, yells at the coaching staff! Limited stamina causing friction!
Tim Duncan sits alone on the bench. This big-name player processing the defeat.
Harry Potter snaps at the bench on his way out. Stephen Curry says nothing, but his look says everything. Behind the scenes, I learned Stephen Curry was also a juggler in a past life. You can feel it in the game. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
100-110 (L)
This multi-time All-Star Tim Duncan opens the scoring! An alley-oop! Early advantage!
Tim Duncan launches a half-court heave and... Airball! Heavy feet at its peak!
This first-ballot legend Steve Jobs commits the 5-second violation! Clock management tendency to rush!
Michael Jordan gets caught flat-footed! This household name beaten to the spot!
Tim Duncan with the tough two-handed slam through contact! This big-name player won't be denied!
First half is done. Steve Jobs is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Juicy anecdote: Steve Jobs was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Tim Duncan, this mammoth, waves off the play call! Heavy feet hurting the team!
Steve Jobs, this do-it-all player, gets the look in the paint but the lid's on the rim!
Steve Jobs, this once-in-a-lifetime player, times the cut perfectly! Backdoor for a hook shot!
This franchise guy Tim Duncan calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Sometimes predictable game taking its toll!
Harry Potter goes to work past the media. This hall-of-fame lock not in the mood to talk.
Steve Jobs lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Tim Duncan holds his in. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
91-121 (L)
Harry Potter opens with a devastating dunk! This global icon making an early statement!
Harry Potter misfires! The juggler's precision with the game is nowhere to be found!
Michael Jordan, this long boy, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted from the left corner!
Tim Duncan, this mountain of a man, gets dunked on back to the basket! Poster material!
This undisputed superstar Michael Jordan converts at the buzzer! A sky hook right on cue!
End of the second quarter. Stephen Curry is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Anecdote: Stephen Curry slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Harry Potter looks to the heavens! A juggler praying for their bare hands to work!
Stephen Curry air-mails a finger roll from downtown! Way off for this jersey-selling name!
Michael Jordan, this beanpole, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
This all-time great Michael Jordan stumbles! The fatigue is real after the contest!
Michael Jordan walks off in silence. This undisputed superstar gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Harry Potter's eyes are glassy. Stephen Curry mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
101-100 (W)
Tim Duncan launches onto the floor! The crowd roars for this big-name player!
Stephen Curry strips the ball cleanly! Veteran move right there!
Stephen Curry, this reliable star, fumbles the finish along the baseline! Back to the drawing board!
Stephen Curry scores with a killer instinct. A scoop layup at the top of the key! Too smooth!
This first-ballot legend Michael Jordan with the savvy veteran play! That dawg mentality experience showing!
Break. Steve Jobs asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. The staff told me Steve Jobs sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Steve Jobs delivers in the clutch! A free throw along the baseline! This generational talent is ice cold!
Harry Potter, this swiss-army-knife type, clamps down in the clutch! Elite a perfect contest!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Michael Jordan draws the MVP chants! The crowd is on their feet for the star!
Michael Jordan, this 7-footer, battles through contact for a half-court heave! Will not be denied!
Steve Jobs puts a bow on it! Clean finish, just like an inventor wrapping up the job!
Harry Potter dumps his Gatorade on Stephen Curry who screams because it was cold. Michael Jordan piles on. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
104-90 (W)
Steve Jobs, this absolute legend, embraces the palpable tension! Game on!
Michael Jordan with natural-born leadership finds the angle for a layup!
Michael Jordan slides the feet perfectly and forces a miss! An unmatched feel for the game in every step!
Michael Jordan whips the pass cross-court! Assist! This towering presence seeing everything!
Michael Jordan, this titan, uses the jab step to freeze the defender! Crafty!
Cut! Halftime. Harry Potter's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. They say Harry Potter has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
Tim Duncan, this walking skyscraper, posts up and delivers a floater! Textbook!
Stephen Curry posts up in front of the home faithful! A packed arena! Beautiful!
Harry Potter, this all-around player, repositions on defense! Scary good handles collective effort!
Tonight, Harry Potter isn't just a juggler, they're a phenomenon with their bare hands!
That's the game! Stephen Curry finishes with a monster performance! This world-class player victorious!
Steve Jobs launches his shoe into the air. Stephen Curry catches it. Standing ovation. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
My Team ends the season #6 with a 10W-5L record. Season MVP: Stephen Curry.
Season Journal
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. The team with no name, baby!
Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but Stephen Curry is something else entirely. He's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. Standing at 188 cm, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This man feels the game. He knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. He reads passes like he's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery.
I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it.
Hold on tight because the next name is going to make you spit out your beer: Steve Jobs. Profession? Inventor. Yeah. The coach saw him on TV, called his agent (who didn't exist), and offered him a ten-day contract "to see." The guy showed up with their prototype sketch, a ham sandwich, and bulletproof enthusiasm. At his first practice, he attempted a dunk and ended up hanging from the net like a cat stuck in a tree. The fire department came. Twice. But he's got heart, the man, and apparently the precision he puts into the status quo could translate to mid-range shooting. We believe. Well, the coach believes. The rest of us broke out the popcorn.
This team's budget is the GDP of a small country. Seriously, there are nations at the UN moving less cash than this roster. The Second Apron is blown to smithereens, the repeater tax bleeds the owner dry with every signature, and the league watches them with a mix of disgust and fascination. But the owner doesn't care. He has a dream, and that dream is a championship banner hanging from the rafters of this arena. Everything else, the penalties, the sacrificed Draft picks, the zero flexibility, that's just details. Damn details.
My Team ends the season #6 with a 10W-5L record. Season MVP: Stephen Curry.
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