My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | My Team | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 10 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 1 | 14 | 2 |
| 16 | Phoenix No-Defense | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Good evening everyone and fasten your seatbelts because tonight we are not doing this gently. The arena is already sweating, the DJ cranked the volume so high the hardwood is vibrating, and there's a guy in the third row who painted his chest in the team colors even though it's freezing outside. That's devotion. That's basketball madness. And the franchise rolling in tonight deserves every decibel of this insane atmosphere. They've been through the hell of winless stretches and the ecstasy of Finals appearances, and honestly, nobody ever knows what they're going to pull off. That's what makes this sport so damn beautiful. The team with no name, baby! Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Tim Duncan. Just the name sends chills through the building. Standing at 211 cm, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face. What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch. Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: he signed Jesus Christ, his brother-in-law and a messiah by trade, on a ten-day contract. The guy showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying bare hands and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if Jesus Christ can place a basketball with the same precision he uses for the game to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the guy's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench. The budget is like the guy who goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu, orders one entree and splits the dessert. It's not poverty, but it's not the high life either. They've got a decent roster, nobody's complaining, but nobody's saying "damn, what a squad" either. Solid without being spectacular. The kind of team that beats you on a Tuesday and you've forgotten about them by Wednesday morning. But underestimate them and they'll make you pay.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
86-121 (L)
Adolf Hitler huddles with the team! Huddling up, the soldier strategizes!
Adolf Hitler shoots short! Not enough juice! Even a soldier would cringe!
Sloppy handling by Jesus Christ! Competing the game is done with more finesse!
Adolf Hitler gets caught flat-footed! This certified GOAT candidate beaten to the spot!
Hulk can't hide the frustration! Their lab notebook frustration meets the leather frustration!
Well-deserved break. Hulk looks like someone who just ran a marathon. I've been told Hulk always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
Hulk fires a brick facing the rim! Way off, even for a scientist!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Adolf Hitler has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
Hulk with the lazy pass! Heavy feet leading to easy points!
Tim Duncan slams the damn ball in frustration! Tendency to rush on full display!
Sean Combs, this tweener, hangs the head. Tough loss despite a killer instinct effort.
Tim Duncan stares at the floor while Jesus Christ mutters something inaudible under his breath. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
100-94 (W)
This established star Tim Duncan means business! Fast start off the pick and roll!
A deep three from downtown by Tim Duncan! This long boy with the long range!
Sean Combs with a commanding rebound! The reflexes of a philanthropist catching the game!
Tim Duncan threads the needle! Beautiful assist at the top of the key! Unreal court vision!
Jesus Christ penetrates to the right spot! Insane court vision off-ball movement!
End of the second quarter. Tim Duncan is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Rumor has it Tim Duncan tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
This reliable star Tim Duncan with a picture-perfect bucket! The crowd goes wild!
A packed arena as Jesus Christ warms up with some messiah moves!
This franchise cornerstone Jesus Christ swings the leather around! A killer instinct ball movement!
This guy with rings on every finger Adolf Hitler plays every possession like the last! Scary good handles burning bright!
It's over! Tim Duncan delivers the goods! This certified bucket walks off a winner!
Jesus Christ and Sean Combs act out a movie scene where they reunite in slow motion. The crowd is dying. Behind the scenes, I learned Sean Combs was also a messiah in a past life. You can feel it in the game. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
127-90 (W)
Hulk starts in the franchise player! Playing the franchise player the way a scientist plays with their lab notebook!
Jesus Christ catches fire! And it's a thunderous slam! Freakish explosiveness taking over!
Adolf Hitler delivers in transition! Fast delivery, like a soldier with their service rifle!
Sean Combs drives with the precision of a philanthropist at work. And it's a two-handed slam!
Sean Combs defends the post! Sturdy as a philanthropist braced for impact!
Break. Jesus Christ asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Fun fact: Jesus Christ is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Adolf Hitler with the decisive alley-oop! A gym-rat work ethic when it matters most!
Adolf Hitler piles it on! An alley-oop extends the lead! No mercy tonight!
Hulk brought their lab notebook to the huddle! The coach is confused!
Jesus Christ chest-bumps after a two-handed slam! Impact worthy of a messiah victory!
This certified GOAT candidate Jesus Christ caps off a special night! A bench mob celebration! Until next time!
Hulk and Tim Duncan pretend to fish Sean Combs out of the crowd. They pull hard. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
99-91 (W)
Hulk dunks onto the floor! The crowd roars for this living legend!
Hulk buries it! Discoverring the hidden truth all week, burying shots all weekend!
Tim Duncan picks the pocket of the ball handler! Straight robbery!
This potential GOAT Hulk leads the fast break and dishes! Easy bucket off the assist!
Sean Combs goes to the post! That philanthropist strength is showing!
Halftime! Sean Combs has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. They say Sean Combs has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Adolf Hitler adds to the total! A soldier who always exceeds expectations!
This All-Star caliber talent Tim Duncan silences the hostile crowd! A sold-out gym on fire shifts!
Hulk rebounds and outlets! From board to bucket, this scientist does it all!
Sean Combs, this jersey-selling name, has the intangibles! Pure God-given talent beyond the stats!
This top-tier talent Tim Duncan thanks the fans! The crowd is on its feet! What a ride!
Tim Duncan and Sean Combs carry Hulk like a trophy across the entire court. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
124-85 (W)
Adolf Hitler opens with a half-court heave! This basketball god making an early statement!
Hulk hits from downtown! Precision worthy of their lab notebook at the buzzer!
Hulk dishes a beautiful pass! Special delivery from this scientist!
Hulk with the tough free throw through contact! This guy with rings on every finger won't be denied!
Hulk, this combo guard, contests everything from mid-range! An off-the-charts basketball IQ on full display!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Sean Combs walks head down toward the tunnel. Anecdote: Sean Combs once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
Hulk scores at will! A double-clutch layup along the baseline! This potential GOAT domination!
Jesus Christ showboats with a primal scream! Even the game gets a rest in blowouts!
Adolf Hitler asked for their service rifle during a free throw! That's cheating!
Sean Combs dishes and pounds the chest! A fist pump toward the bench! Warrior mentality!
Tim Duncan spins in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
Adolf Hitler does a belly slide on the court. Hulk does a back slide. The hardwood is ruined. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
116-74 (W)
Hulk, this tweener, sets the tone immediately! Scary good handles from the jump!
Adolf Hitler scores again! When you're a soldier by trade, the basketball is child's play!
Tim Duncan, this colossus, runs the offense with natural-born leadership! Beautiful passing!
A thunderous slam from Sean Combs from way beyond the arc! That's a statement right there!
Adolf Hitler with the chase-down ball recovery! What athleticism!
Halftime! Adolf Hitler checks his stats on the board and winces. Exclusive: Adolf Hitler was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Adolf Hitler, this little guy, posts up and delivers a finger roll! Textbook!
This reliable star Tim Duncan shows no sympathy! A catch-and-shoot triple extends the massacre!
Jesus Christ keeps saying 'just like competing the game' after every play!
Jesus Christ, this tweener, flexes on the crowd! A team high-five after a half-court heave!
Tim Duncan pumps the fist as the buzzer goes! This jersey-selling name savors the win!
Tim Duncan and Jesus Christ act out a movie scene where they reunite in slow motion. The crowd is dying. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
116-108 (W)
Hulk, this swiss-army-knife type, takes the court! The hostile crowd is electric!
Sean Combs shoots to the rack for a buzzer-beater! Can't contain this versatile guy!
Tim Duncan rejects the layup! A brilliant anticipation by this tower! Get that out!
Jesus Christ launches and dishes! Gorgeous feed back to the basket! A gym-rat work ethic!
Jesus Christ goes small-ball! Adapting like a messiah who reads the room!
Break! Tim Duncan takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. I've been told Tim Duncan always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Sean Combs racks up a deep three! Productive night for this philanthropist!
Standing room only! A packed arena as Adolf Hitler takes over facing the rim!
Adolf Hitler plugs the gap! Plugging holes with soldier efficiency!
The crowd chants for Jesus Christ! The messiah who became a legend at the field house!
Sean Combs shares the credit! Team player on and off the court!
Jesus Christ and Adolf Hitler fake a wrestling match. Sean Combs plays the referee and calls a timeout. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
102-106 (L)
Sean Combs stretches center court! Loosening up, the philanthropist is getting ready!
An and-one from Hulk! This absolute legend reminding everyone why they're on top!
Tim Duncan, this tree of a man, gets blown by on the perimeter! Defense that's basically a suggestion in the legs!
This guy everybody knows Sean Combs misses the mark! A double-clutch layup goes begging under the basket!
Jesus Christ won't go down without a fight! A messiah defending the game to the end!
Break! Jesus Christ heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Small detail: Jesus Christ whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Adolf Hitler gets called for the foul! Clumsy as a soldier with the front line at closing time!
Jesus Christ, this potential GOAT, barks at the teammate! Defense that's basically a suggestion taking over!
The heart of a philanthropist beats in Sean Combs's chest,the game forged this warrior!
Jesus Christ posts up but can't score in the extra period! Opportunity lost!
Hulk penetrates to the tunnel in disappointment. This household name will learn from this.
Adolf Hitler hurls his mouthguard into the trash. Jesus Christ keeps his in, chewing on the frustration. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
100-95 (W)
Adolf Hitler steps onto the field house! From defending the front line to this, game time!
Tim Duncan, this giant, elevates for a monster double-clutch layup!
Hulk anchors the defense! Solid as a scientist's foundation!
Jesus Christ with the hockey assist! That extra pass, beautiful basketball!
Hulk counters the press! Problem solved, scientist style!
Into the tunnel. Sean Combs grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Confession: Sean Combs calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Tim Duncan attacks the orange with iron discipline. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
This guy with rings on every finger Hulk has the arena rocking! Immense pressure off the charts!
This absolute legend Adolf Hitler claps for the rookie! Encouragement from this absolute legend!
The announcers share Sean Combs's philanthropist story,competing the game since age 16!
What a game for Jesus Christ! Tomorrow's the game will feel easy after this!
Jesus Christ and Sean Combs carry Adolf Hitler like a trophy across the entire court. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
110-105 (W)
Opening possession for Adolf Hitler! First touch, like first touch of their service rifle!
Hulk denies the pass! Their lab notebook interception skills on full display!
Tim Duncan dishes the Wilson into the front rim! That's frustrating for this reliable star!
Sean Combs with a bank shot on the break! Running like they're late for work!
Adolf Hitler positions perfectly in the high post! Placement of their service rifle on the front line!
Halftime whistle. Jesus Christ flops into the first available chair. Confession: Jesus Christ believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Tim Duncan goes to work past everyone in the extra period! A half-court heave! Legendary!
Sean Combs, this swiss-army-knife type, recovers and contests! Never-give-up effort fueled by night-in night-out consistency!
Sean Combs, this all-around player, basks in a packed arena! This is home!
Adolf Hitler, this little thunder, hits the big shot! Coming out of the locker room! That's a closer!
Tim Duncan, this bonafide star, points to the crowd! A bench mob celebration! This was for the fans!
Jesus Christ pretends to faint from happiness. Adolf Hitler pretends to call 911. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
111-107 (W)
Jesus Christ wins the opening tip! Tipping off with messiah energy!
Hulk forces the shot-clock violation! Eyes in the back of the head on full display!
Adolf Hitler misses at the buzzer! A soldier who missed the deadline!
Jesus Christ fires away through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
Adolf Hitler, this short king, sets a brick-wall screen! A killer instinct on full display!
Back to the locker room. Tim Duncan's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Little secret: Tim Duncan has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
Adolf Hitler, this little firecracker, scores the go-ahead! A bucket! Heart of a champion!
Hulk wins the rebound battle! Snatched it like a scientist on the clock!
Deafening noise! Adolf Hitler shoots and the building shakes!
Tim Duncan, this jersey-selling name, keeps composure and delivers a two-handed slam! That dawg mentality!
Jesus Christ seals the win! Sealed tight, the messiah gets it done!
Adolf Hitler and Sean Combs pound their chests like gorillas. The coach pretends not to know them. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
83-108 (L)
Adolf Hitler checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Adolf Hitler with the contested bank shot along the baseline! No good! Bad selection!
Tim Duncan charges right into the defender! Turnover! Tendency to force bad shots when controlling pace!
This world-class player Tim Duncan bites on the fake! Beaten at half court!
Hulk, this solid build, carves up the defense for a half-court heave! Beautiful!
The players file out. Hulk exchanges a tense look with the coach. Juicy intel: Hulk turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Hulk slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a scientist hits the workbench!
Adolf Hitler launches and misses! The rock isn't the front line, and it shows!
Hulk creates the switch! Smooth adjustment, scientist-level thinking!
This top-tier talent Tim Duncan stumbles! The fatigue is real after the 4 periods of 12 minutes!
Hulk hangs their head! A scientist who gave everything they had!
Tim Duncan collapses into the first available chair. Hulk stays standing, eyes glazed over. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
98-111 (L)
Tip-off! Tim Duncan gets us started! Let's go!
Sean Combs can't score in the second quarter! This philanthropist is way off tonight!
Hulk coughs up the ball! Sometimes predictable game strikes again facing the rim!
Jesus Christ lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this hall-of-fame lock fooled!
Sean Combs strings together a fadeaway jumper in transition. Unreal swagger on full display!
Break! Tim Duncan has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Exclusive: Tim Duncan was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Adolf Hitler vents at their teammates! The soldier who vents about the front line!
Tim Duncan dunks the pill awkwardly! The touch just isn't there for this bonafide star!
Jesus Christ zones up! Defensive zone like a messiah's the game zone!
This generational talent Adolf Hitler can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
Sean Combs sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a philanthropist after their bare hands broke!
Adolf Hitler watches the crowd file out in silence. Jesus Christ prefers not to look. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
95-115 (L)
Tim Duncan, this tree of a man, is introduced and the arena explodes! This top-tier talent is in the building!
Adolf Hitler clanks it off the rim! That sounded like their service rifle hitting the front line!
Sean Combs turns it over on a clutch free throw! A philanthropist dropping their bare hands at the worst time!
This headliner Tim Duncan picks up the cheap foul! Tendency to force bad shots showing!
Adolf Hitler applies the same technique to the pill as to the front line. A finger roll at the buzzer!
That's a wrap for now. Tim Duncan dives into the tunnel. Rumor has it Tim Duncan tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
Jesus Christ mouths off at the jump ball! A messiah venting about the game!
Adolf Hitler, this elusive guard, loses the handle and the opportunity! Lack of consistency!
Hulk, this all-around player, seals the defender for position! Fundamentals!
Adolf Hitler mops their face! Sweating more than when defending the front line!
Hulk reflects on what could have been. Tendency to force bad shots the difference tonight.
Jesus Christ chews his nails on the bench. Hulk stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
90-102 (L)
The game begins and Hulk is ready! You can see an off-the-charts basketball IQ written all over his face!
Sean Combs gets blocked! Rejected harder than a philanthropist's worst day on the job!
Tim Duncan rises up carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Adolf Hitler gets blown by! Even a soldier couldn't stop that!
Jesus Christ dunks the leather into a deep three! Night-in night-out consistency shining through!
End of the first half. Adolf Hitler is beet red but still standing. Confession: Adolf Hitler calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
Sean Combs drives the towel! This world-class player showing injury-prone body!
Sean Combs bricks another one! Building something awful with their bare hands tonight!
Hulk controls the glass! Board work as precise as a day job with their lab notebook!
This world-class player Tim Duncan can barely jump! The springs are gone in the paint!
Tim Duncan, this jersey-selling name, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Hulk whispers 'this can't be real' under his breath. Jesus Christ nods without conviction. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
My Team ends the season #7 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Tim Duncan.
Season Journal
Good evening everyone and fasten your seatbelts because tonight we are not doing this gently. The arena is already sweating, the DJ cranked the volume so high the hardwood is vibrating, and there's a guy in the third row who painted his chest in the team colors even though it's freezing outside. That's devotion. That's basketball madness. And the franchise rolling in tonight deserves every decibel of this insane atmosphere. They've been through the hell of winless stretches and the ecstasy of Finals appearances, and honestly, nobody ever knows what they're going to pull off. That's what makes this sport so damn beautiful. The team with no name, baby!
Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Tim Duncan. Just the name sends chills through the building. Standing at 211 cm, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face.
What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch.
Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: he signed Jesus Christ, his brother-in-law and a messiah by trade, on a ten-day contract. The guy showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying bare hands and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if Jesus Christ can place a basketball with the same precision he uses for the game to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the guy's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench.
The budget is like the guy who goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu, orders one entree and splits the dessert. It's not poverty, but it's not the high life either. They've got a decent roster, nobody's complaining, but nobody's saying "damn, what a squad" either. Solid without being spectacular. The kind of team that beats you on a Tuesday and you've forgotten about them by Wednesday morning. But underestimate them and they'll make you pay.
My Team ends the season #7 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Tim Duncan.
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