Beasts — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Beasts | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Shut the hell up for two seconds and listen to that sound. That low rumble, that murmur of 20,000 people holding their breath at the same time. That's the sound of an arena that knows tonight is going to be something. We're here for a franchise that's in the DNA of this league, a club with as many banners in the rafters as ghosts in the locker room. Legends have walked this court, careers have been shattered here, and miracles have been born on this very floor. Tonight, we write the next chapter. Ladies and gentlemen... Beasts! If you paid for your ticket tonight, there's one reason and one reason only, and that reason's name is Shaquille O'Neal. Standing at 216 cm, marathon-runner cardio, and surgeon's hands. This man catches a ball mid-flight the way you grab the remote off the couch. Except he follows it up with a spin move, a step-back, and a 30-footer that doesn't even touch the rim. Nothing but net. Every single time. Like the basket is magnetized to the damn ball. What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch. Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: he signed Hawkeye, his brother-in-law and an archer by trade, on a ten-day contract. The guy showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying bare hands and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if Hawkeye can place a basketball with the same precision he uses for the game to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the guy's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench. Financially, we're in no man's land. Not poor, not rich. The kind of team that eyes the trade deadline with longing but knows it can only afford the appetizer, not the full meal. They've built a solid core through smart Draft picks and savvy free agent signings, but don't ask them to compete with the big dogs. Their weapon? Chemistry. And a coach who turns lead into gold. Well, bronze. Okay, silver on a good day.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
97-122 (L)
Quicksilver steps onto the palace of hoops! From competing the game to this, game time!
Hulk can't finish! The scientist who finishes the hidden truth can't finish the play!
This household name Shaquille O'Neal commits the offensive foul! Turnover from downtown!
Shaquille O'Neal bites on the pump fake! This guy with rings on every finger sent flying from the right corner!
Shaquille O'Neal pulls up and fires a buzzer-beater! This giant lighting it up!
Cut! Halftime. Popeye's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Anecdote: Popeye threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
Shaquille O'Neal lets fly away from the huddle! This undisputed superstar in a dark place mentally!
Shaquille O'Neal dribbles but the shot rims out! Shaky emotions under pressure rears its ugly head!
Quicksilver changes the defensive scheme! Strategic mind of a superhero!
Quicksilver tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like a superhero's energy for the game!
Hulk walks off in silence. This franchise cornerstone gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Quicksilver takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Hawkeye follows the same path. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Quicksilver's name. Forgive me. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
115-103 (W)
Hawkeye fades away into position! This name that's buzzing not wasting any time!
Hawkeye converts the and-one! Tough as competing the game all day!
Quicksilver, this all-around player, locks down the attacker! A killer instinct on the defensive end!
Shaquille O'Neal, this tower, finds the rolling big man! A two-handed slam off the assist!
Hulk reads the defense like a book! Perfect play call from this scientist!
End of the second quarter. Shaquille O'Neal is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Rumor has it Shaquille O'Neal tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
A deep three from Popeye on the low block! That's a statement right there!
This headliner Popeye brings wild stands to a new level! Incredible scene!
Shaquille O'Neal, this living legend, communicates the switch! Pure God-given talent and vocal leadership!
This all-time great Shaquille O'Neal plays every possession like the last! Next-level basketball IQ burning bright!
Hulk finishes what they started! Finishing the basketball like finishing the hidden truth!
Popeye and Hawkeye swing Shaquille O'Neal around by his arms like a carousel. He looks sick. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
112-86 (W)
Popeye lands the first bank shot! First blood! The sailor strikes first!
This franchise cornerstone Hulk with a beautiful deep three facing the rim! Poetry in motion!
Hawkeye, this league veteran, switches seamlessly and locks up! Next-level basketball IQ shining through!
Hawkeye with the transition assist! This name that's buzzing pushing the pace with natural-born leadership!
This certified GOAT candidate Shaquille O'Neal adjusts the angle mid-drive! An unmatched feel for the game body control!
Heading in. Quicksilver's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Little secret: Quicksilver watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
What a play by Quicksilver! A catch-and-shoot triple under the basket! This name that's buzzing is cooking!
Shaquille O'Neal, this colossus, gestures for more noise! The crowd goes nuts!
Shaquille O'Neal, this colossus, anchors the second unit! This living legend versatile contributor!
The announcers share Hawkeye's archer story,competing the game since age 16!
Shaquille O'Neal, this mammoth, takes the final bow! A victory dance! Dominant display!
Shaquille O'Neal and Hulk share a 30-second hug. Quicksilver wants in. Gets pushed away. Behind the scenes, I learned Quicksilver was also a superhero in a past life. You can feel it in the game. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
127-90 (W)
Hulk bounces the Wilson pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
Popeye pulls off a euro-step out of nowhere! Was that basketball or sailor magic? Unbelievable!
Popeye creates the opportunity! Building something special tonight!
Quicksilver with the tough free throw through contact! This well-respected player won't be denied!
Hawkeye cuts off the drive! Precision of competing the game!
Break. Quicksilver's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. The staff told me Quicksilver sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Popeye, this swiss-army-knife type, glides at the top of the key for a silky half-court heave!
Popeye and the starters head to the bench! Job done, game over!
Hulk ranked their teammates by their lab notebook compatibility! Unique scouting!
Hulk pumps their fist! The fist that grips their lab notebook all day!
Popeye is named player of the game! The sailor is also the star!
Popeye climbs onto the scorer's table. Hulk joins him. Security is unsure whether to intervene. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
106-90 (W)
Tip-off! Hawkeye gets us started! Let's go!
Popeye with that dawg mentality finds the angle for a free throw!
Quicksilver stays in front! Mirroring every move like a seasoned superhero!
Popeye, this franchise guy, draws the double and finds the open shooter! Scary good handles!
Shaquille O'Neal, this absolute legend, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
End of the first act. Hulk is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Small detail: Hulk whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
Shaquille O'Neal scores with that dawg mentality. A two-handed slam along the baseline! Too smooth!
Popeye throws the shorts to the crowd! Better than throwing the stormy sea!
Hulk runs the play to perfection! Perfection of discoverring the hidden truth!
Popeye's got those sailor hands! Gripping the basketball like it owes them money!
Quicksilver dominates the box score! Numbers worthy of a superhero's the game chart!
Hulk performs an absolutely ridiculous victory dance. Hawkeye imitates it. It's worse. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
121-99 (W)
Hulk wins the opening tip! Tipping off with scientist energy!
Hulk, this all-time great, exploits the mismatch for a reverse layup! Too easy!
Popeye reads the play perfectly! That sailor brain working overtime!
This living legend Shaquille O'Neal connects on the pick-and-roll! Assist for a pull-up jumper!
Popeye, this bonafide star, orchestrates the delay game! Next-level basketball IQ in action!
Intermission. Popeye dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Anecdote: Popeye threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
Shaquille O'Neal converts a tough scoop layup from the right corner! Skill level: elite!
Shaquille O'Neal, this hall-of-fame lock, waves the crowd up! Immense pressure rising!
Popeye, this jersey-selling name, rotates on defense! Natural-born leadership team commitment!
They said a scientist couldn't play at this level. Hulk and their lab notebook disagree!
Popeye daps up the opponent! Respect from this multi-time All-Star after the battle!
Quicksilver does a belly slide on the court. Hawkeye does a back slide. The hardwood is ruined. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
107-94 (W)
This jersey-selling name Popeye gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Quicksilver handles the leather like their bare hands. A hook shot from the right corner! The precision of a superhero!
This up-and-coming baller Hawkeye reads the play and intercepts! Brilliant anticipation!
Hulk with the touch pass! This first-ballot legend barely had the Wilson and found the man!
This absolute legend Hulk calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Into the tunnel. Popeye grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Anecdote: Popeye lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
Popeye drives and scores! Those sailor hands work wonders with the ball!
Listen to that roar! Hulk blows past and the place explodes!
Hulk sacrifices for the team! Selfless play from this scientist!
Quicksilver's transformation from superhero to athlete is this crucial matchup's best story!
Hawkeye soaks it in! Soaking up the moment, an archer savoring glory!
Hulk and Hawkeye cradle the game ball like a baby. Quicksilver takes a photo. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
118-90 (W)
This All-Star caliber talent Popeye comes out aggressive! Opens with a buzzer-beater from the left corner!
Popeye dishes with the precision of a sailor at work. And it's a pull-up jumper!
Hawkeye picks off the lob! Intercepting mid-air, pure archer reflexes!
Popeye goes to work and dishes! Gorgeous feed under the basket! Natural-born leadership!
This franchise guy Popeye runs the pick-and-pop to perfection! Tactical mastery!
Break! Shaquille O'Neal rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. Fun fact: Shaquille O'Neal was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Popeye goes baseline and scores! The stormy sea prepared them for this moment!
This name that's buzzing Quicksilver draws the MVP chants! The crowd is on their feet for the star!
Hulk, this combo guard, holds the team together with an unmatched feel for the game! Captain!
Shaquille O'Neal, this mountain of a man, stands tall when the team needs this undisputed superstar most!
Shaquille O'Neal explodes into the tunnel with the W! This all-time great all smiles!
Quicksilver and Hawkeye attempt an elaborate handshake. They miss three times. Popeye films the whole thing. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
127-98 (W)
Quicksilver, this smooth operator, announced to huge cheers! Immense pressure!
A thunderous slam by Shaquille O'Neal! The crowd erupts! Natural-born leadership personified!
Quicksilver, this next-level player, bodied up and forced the turnover! Physical defense!
Shaquille O'Neal pulls up and finds the trailer for a buzzer beater! Great awareness!
Quicksilver slows the pace when the team needs it! This legit talent tempo control!
The players head to the locker room. Quicksilver is sweating like a racehorse. Confession: Quicksilver believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Shaquille O'Neal pulls up and it's an off-balance shot! This potential GOAT proving the doubters wrong!
You can cut the tension with a knife! A packed arena as Popeye steps up!
Popeye takes off the leather with patience! This jersey-selling name trusting the system!
This certified GOAT candidate Shaquille O'Neal is the heartbeat of this team! A play that goes down in history leadership!
Popeye ends on a high note! A sailor who finishes strong every time!
Popeye jumps so high from joy he nearly touches the scoreboard. Almost. I learned that Popeye's father was a superhero. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
92-101 (L)
The game begins and Hulk is ready! You can see iron discipline written all over his face!
Hulk whiffs on the jumper! A scientist off their game with their lab notebook!
Hawkeye with the travel! Footwork confusion worthy of a lost archer!
Hulk gets back-doored! Didn't see it, like not seeing the hidden truth behind their lab notebook!
Shaquille O'Neal, this towering presence, muscles in for a sky hook! Pure power!
Time to breathe. Hulk has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Did you know Hulk once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Shaquille O'Neal slams the ball in frustration! Injury-prone body on full display!
Hawkeye drives but it's well off! Shaky emotions under pressure under fatigue!
Quicksilver uses their size out there! The superhero has a built-in advantage!
This league veteran Quicksilver signals to the bench! Needs a blow! Tendency to rush!
Hulk packs up and heads out! Packing their lab notebook, unpacking emotions!
Shaquille O'Neal lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Hawkeye holds his in. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
98-106 (L)
Quicksilver, this swiss-army-knife type, sets the tone immediately! A killer instinct from the jump!
Shaquille O'Neal can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this potential GOAT!
Hulk loses the rock! A scientist would never be this careless!
Popeye can't stay in front! Navigating the stormy sea doesn't build lateral quickness!
Popeye scores a devastating dunk in immense pressure! Their taut rigging vibes radiating across the field house!
Both teams head in. Popeye has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Quick anecdote about Popeye: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Quicksilver drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a superhero's spirit has limits!
Hulk gets a clean look but sometimes predictable game costs the bucket!
This max-contract guy Popeye recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
Quicksilver dishes but the legs won't cooperate! Injury-prone body catching up!
Shaquille O'Neal, this all-time great, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Shaquille O'Neal isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Hulk tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
106-118 (L)
Hawkeye checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Shaquille O'Neal can't buy a bucket! Another miss facing the rim! Frustrating!
Hawkeye throws it out of bounds! Like launching their bare hands into the void!
Popeye beaten to the spot! Slower than a sailor on a Monday morning!
Popeye punishes the defense! A sailor punishing the stormy sea with precision!
Coach calls everyone back. Quicksilver drags his feet toward the tunnel. Did you know Quicksilver entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Quicksilver can't hide the frustration! Their bare hands frustration meets the leather frustration!
Quicksilver fires a brick from the low block! Way off, even for a superhero!
Hawkeye pins the defender! Pinning them down with archer authority!
Hulk leans on their knees! Gassed, but the scientist keeps going!
Quicksilver absorbs the defeat! Taking it on the chin, a superhero knows tough days!
Shaquille O'Neal shakes Popeye's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
103-104 (L)
This household name Hulk comes out firing! A finger roll in the first minute!
Hawkeye rises up the leather with a gym-rat work ethic. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
Hulk gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the hidden truth on a rough day!
This player on the come-up Hawkeye puts up a free throw but it won't fall! Off night!
This household name Shaquille O'Neal draws the charge! Momentum swinging facing the rim!
The locker room fills up. Popeye has already eaten three oranges. Did you know Popeye entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
Hulk dribbles into trouble! Lost out there like a scientist on the wrong floor!
Shaquille O'Neal drives and kicks the stanchion! This basketball god losing composure!
What a journey for Hawkeye! From the bench to the spotlight! You love to see it!
Hawkeye, this all-around player, forces a bad shot in the fourth quarter! Occasional mental lapses!
Popeye walks off in defeat! Even a sailor's skills couldn't save tonight!
Popeye claps his hands in frustration. Hawkeye clenches his jaw so hard you can hear it from here. Tonight I learned Popeye used to be a superhero before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
96-117 (L)
The gymnasium welcomes Quicksilver! The superhero with the game has arrived!
Popeye misfires on the floater! Too much float, the sailor touch abandoned them!
Shaquille O'Neal coughs up the pill! Defense that's basically a suggestion strikes again from the right corner!
Hulk watches helplessly! A scientist watching the hidden truth fall off the shelf!
Popeye drops an alley-oop! The accuracy of a sailor on full display!
Break! Popeye grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Did you know? Popeye has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
Hawkeye throws their hands up! Like an archer when their bare hands breaks!
This generational talent Shaquille O'Neal muscles up a double-clutch layup but can't get it to fall!
This potential GOAT Shaquille O'Neal switches defensive assignments on the fly! Ridiculous creativity!
Hulk, this combo guard, looks exhausted along the baseline! The legs are gone!
Quicksilver takes the loss hard! Hard as the game on a bad superhero day!
Quicksilver's lip is trembling. Hulk dodges the cameras by pulling up his hood. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
97-95 (W)
Hulk takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Quicksilver with the suffocating defense! This player making noise is a wall out there!
Hawkeye forces up a layup over the defense! Lack of consistency! Bad decision!
Shaquille O'Neal scores at will! A floater back to the basket! This once-in-a-lifetime player domination!
Hawkeye executes the delay! Patient as an archer waiting for their bare hands results!
Break. Popeye collapses next to the vending machine. Little secret: Popeye watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Hulk, this solid build, blocks the go-ahead attempt! Late in the quarter commanding rebound!
Popeye rejects the layup! A monster swat by this solid build! Get that out!
A cathedral silence as Quicksilver warms up with some superhero moves!
Popeye, this multi-time All-Star, keeps composure and delivers an alley-oop! Ridiculous creativity!
This next-level player Hawkeye is all smiles! The stats back up the brilliance!
Shaquille O'Neal runs the full court high-fiving everyone. Quicksilver follows doing the wave alone. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Beasts ends the season #7 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
Season Journal
Shut the hell up for two seconds and listen to that sound. That low rumble, that murmur of 20,000 people holding their breath at the same time. That's the sound of an arena that knows tonight is going to be something. We're here for a franchise that's in the DNA of this league, a club with as many banners in the rafters as ghosts in the locker room. Legends have walked this court, careers have been shattered here, and miracles have been born on this very floor. Tonight, we write the next chapter. Ladies and gentlemen... Beasts!
If you paid for your ticket tonight, there's one reason and one reason only, and that reason's name is Shaquille O'Neal. Standing at 216 cm, marathon-runner cardio, and surgeon's hands. This man catches a ball mid-flight the way you grab the remote off the couch. Except he follows it up with a spin move, a step-back, and a 30-footer that doesn't even touch the rim. Nothing but net. Every single time. Like the basket is magnetized to the damn ball.
What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch.
Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: he signed Hawkeye, his brother-in-law and an archer by trade, on a ten-day contract. The guy showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying bare hands and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if Hawkeye can place a basketball with the same precision he uses for the game to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the guy's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench.
Financially, we're in no man's land. Not poor, not rich. The kind of team that eyes the trade deadline with longing but knows it can only afford the appetizer, not the full meal. They've built a solid core through smart Draft picks and savvy free agent signings, but don't ask them to compete with the big dogs. Their weapon? Chemistry. And a coach who turns lead into gold. Well, bronze. Okay, silver on a good day.
Beasts ends the season #7 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
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