Seattle Blueburrys — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | New York Over-Timers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Denver Horse-Track | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Seattle Blueburrys | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 9 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 11 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Phoenix No-Defense | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. Ladies and gentlemen... Seattle Blueburrys! If you paid for your ticket tonight, there's one reason and one reason only, and that reason's name is Superman. The man is massive, marathon-runner cardio, and surgeon's hands. This man catches a ball mid-flight the way you grab the remote off the couch. Except he follows it up with a spin move, a step-back, and a 30-footer that doesn't even touch the rim. Nothing but net. Every single time. Like the basket is magnetized to the damn ball. The opposing locker room before the game, you know what they talk about? Not the game plan. Not the offensive scheme. No. They talk about HIM. "How do we stop him?" "Who takes the matchup?" "Does he look tired?" Spoiler: he's never tired. And even when he looks tired, it's a trap. The man fakes exhaustion in the third quarter and drops 14 in the fourth like a coiled spring being released. Opposing coaches have 50-page scouting reports on him, and every single page is absolutely useless. The chef's surprise of the evening is Superman. A superhero by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the game with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him. Budget-wise, we're in the "checked the couch cushions to fund the last contract" category. Seriously, there are high school programs with better catering. The owner watches every dollar like it's his last, and the GM negotiates trades with the anxiety of a guy haggling at a flea market. But paradoxically, that might be their strength: when you've got nothing to lose, you play free. And sometimes, freedom works miracles on the hardwood.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
98-120 (L)
Aquaman steps onto the hardwood! From competing the game to this, game time!
Florizarre forces a bad buzzer beater! This surprise package needs to trust teammates!
This hooper's hooper Aquaman commits the offensive foul! Turnover facing the rim!
Aquaman gets blown by! Even a superhero couldn't stop that!
Florizarre scores at will! A pull-up jumper from way beyond the arc! This guy nobody was talking about domination!
Break! Aquaman grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Anecdote: Aquaman slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
Superman pulls up angrily after the turnover! This household name spiraling!
Hulk steps back but it's well off! Heavy feet under fatigue!
Florizarre uses that botanist IQ on the court! Tactical brilliance!
Batman is gassed! More tired than after a full day of competing the game!
Superman, this versatile guy, trudges off the den. Lessons to take from this one.
Aquaman lets out a nervous laugh that sends chills down your spine. Superman decides not to comment. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
123-90 (W)
This first-ballot legend Batman in the starting lineup! Let's see what this first-ballot legend brings!
Batman scores a layup! Their bare hands by day, buckets by night!
Florizarre takes off and finds the trailer for a scoop layup! Great awareness!
Aquaman racks up an off-balance shot! Productive night for this superhero!
Aquaman denies the pass! Their bare hands interception skills on full display!
Time to breathe. Florizarre has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Did you know? Florizarre once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Superman scores on the putback! Recycling the game is second nature for a superhero!
Aquaman showboats with a primal scream! Even the game gets a rest in blowouts!
Superman offered the ref some the game advice! That's not how this works!
Aquaman taps the logo on the jersey! A chest bump! That's pride right there!
Hulk, this certified GOAT candidate, high-fives the bench! A fist pump toward the bench! Team effort!
Hulk blows a kiss to the camera. Aquaman blows twelve. Batman blocks the lens. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
111-79 (W)
Batman bounces the rock pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
Aquaman, this well-respected player, absolutely nails a finger roll at the top of the key! Take a bow!
Superman shovels the pass! Moving the basketball with their bare hands efficiency!
Batman with the step-back and-one! Creating space like a superhero with their bare hands!
This global icon Hulk with a critical stop! A drawn charge when it counts!
Break. Aquaman asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Rumor has it Aquaman does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Aquaman, this established player, knifes through for a hook shot in the paint! Wow!
Aquaman and the starters head to the bench! Job done, game over!
This guy with rings on every finger Superman accidentally dunks on the wrong basket! Confusion!
Aquaman roars at the court! The roar of a superhero conquering the game!
Batman caps a perfect night! Clean as a superhero on their best day!
Hulk dumps his Gatorade on Batman who screams because it was cold. Florizarre piles on. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
105-87 (W)
Hulk comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the scientist means business!
Batman posts up through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
This all-time great Hulk disrupts the play with a timely clutch steal!
Aquaman with the skip pass! Assist leads to an open euro-step!
Hulk, this global icon, manipulates the defense with the eyes! Insane court vision!
Cut! Halftime. Aquaman's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Fun fact: Aquaman tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
Hulk nails a hook shot with the ease of a scientist who discovers the hidden truth. Natural!
The crowd is on its feet! A Finals-like atmosphere as Hulk takes the court!
Batman takes the blame for the mistake! This certified GOAT candidate protecting teammates!
Aquaman's superhero background shines through every play with the game!
Aquaman shares the credit! Team player on and off the court!
Batman and Florizarre swap jerseys with each other. Makes no sense but it's the emotion talking. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
105-96 (W)
The gym welcomes Superman! The superhero with the game has arrived!
Hulk with a sky hook to seal the deal! A scientist who always closes!
Florizarre with a monster swat to save the possession! Their plant press to the rescue!
Aquaman, this do-it-all player, runs the offense with eyes in the back of the head! Beautiful passing!
This global icon Hulk calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Hulk picks up the pace. True story: Hulk walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Phoenix No-Defense. Awkward. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Florizarre, this raw talent, operates at the buzzer with a pull-up jumper! Clinic!
Superman bows to the fans! A superhero bowing after the game masterpiece!
Hulk executes the play call! Flawless execution from this scientist!
Superman shoots with purpose! Natural-born leadership driving this team forward!
Florizarre dishes off the court victorious! This player nobody saw coming leaves it all out there!
Superman dumps his Gatorade on Florizarre who screams because it was cold. Aquaman piles on. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
132-90 (W)
Superman dunks into position! This all-time great not wasting any time!
This well-respected player Aquaman does it again! A reverse layup with effortless precision!
Superman with the alley-oop pass! Launching the ball with superhero precision!
This generational talent Batman converts from downtown! A devastating dunk right on cue!
Aquaman steals the ball! Quick hands from competing the game all day!
Halftime. Batman is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Fun fact: Batman tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Batman knocks down a two-handed slam in transition! Ice in the veins!
Florizarre with the dagger in the blowout! Overkill! The botanist showed no mercy!
Superman dishes and pulls up at half court! Time? There's a full quarter left!
Aquaman does a victory lap! Lapping the court with superhero swagger!
Final buzzer! Florizarre is the hero! This rising star with a game for the ages!
Batman does the floss while Florizarre spins like a top. Aquaman just stands there, arms crossed. Cool. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
120-104 (W)
Game time! Hulk and this generational talent ready to put on a show at the den!
Aquaman shoots and fires a step-back three! This versatile guy lighting it up!
Hulk stands firm! Not moving, this scientist is planted!
This guy with rings on every finger Hulk exploits the gap! Dime to the corner for an off-balance shot!
This franchise cornerstone Hulk recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
Halftime whistle. Superman spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Physio's confession: Superman purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
This once-in-a-lifetime player Batman capitalizes on the low block! A bank shot with iron discipline!
Superman salutes the fans! Saluting the crowd, the superhero signs off in style!
Superman takes off the leather with patience! This franchise cornerstone trusting the system!
They said a superhero couldn't play at this level. Superman and their bare hands disagree!
Hulk punches the air at game's end! Victory! The scientist did it!
Superman takes a bow for the crowd. Batman bows to Superman. The nobility of basketball. Did you know that Batman practices superhero on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
99-108 (L)
Aquaman opens with a devastating dunk! This name that's buzzing making an early statement!
Hulk puts up a prayer... Unanswered! Not even their lab notebook can save that!
Superman turns it over at right from the tip-off! A superhero dropping their bare hands at the worst time!
Florizarre watches helplessly! A botanist watching the rare specimen fall off the shelf!
Batman tallies another one! This superhero keeps racking them up!
Halftime! Aquaman walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Intel: Aquaman refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Aquaman slams the Spalding in frustration! Heavy feet on full display!
Batman takes off but the shot rims out! Limited stamina rears its ugly head!
Florizarre manipulates the defense! Manipulation worthy of their plant press on the rare specimen!
Hulk, this certified GOAT candidate, sucking wind after that sprint! The allotted time of battle!
Hulk packs up and heads out! Packing their lab notebook, unpacking emotions!
Hulk sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. Batman puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. I learned backstage that Batman also does superhero on weekends. That explains those reflexes. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
93-113 (L)
Florizarre starts in the franchise player! Playing the franchise player the way a botanist plays with their plant press!
A fadeaway jumper attempt by Batman falls short! Lack of consistency in the legs!
Superman, this combo guard, gets stripped driving to the hoop! Hot head exposed!
Florizarre, this tweener, fouls unnecessarily along the baseline! Tendency to rush!
Superman, this do-it-all player, with a silky fadeaway jumper back to the basket! Smooth operator!
Off to the locker room. Hulk has already drained two water bottles. They say Hulk has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
Superman shakes their head! A superhero who can't believe that just happened!
Superman can't convert! The superhero's touch with the game deserted them!
Superman fades away the ball out of the trap! Insane court vision under pressure!
Hulk can barely run! The 48 regulation minutes harder than the 48 regulation minutes of discoverring the hidden truth!
Superman vows to come back stronger! Stronger than their bare hands reinforced with the game!
Hulk hurls his water bottle at the wall. Batman flinches but doesn't react. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
93-105 (L)
Superman, this first-ballot legend, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Superman with the ugly miss! The superhero touch is absent tonight!
Aquaman passes to nobody! This player making noise with a head-scratching decision!
Aquaman bites on the fake! Fooled like a superhero by counterfeit the game!
Aquaman, this player on the come-up, unleashes a step-back three along the baseline! Bang!
End of the second quarter. Florizarre is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Intel: Florizarre asked Denver Horse-Track for their energy drink recipe. They refused. Break's over, the players take their positions.
This hungry young player Florizarre stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Batman bricks another one! Building something awful with their bare hands tonight!
Superman fires away into the right spacing! Natural-born leadership and elite court awareness!
Aquaman, this combo guard, is drenched in sweat! Emptying the tank!
Batman absorbs the defeat! Taking it on the chin, a superhero knows tough days!
Superman walks toward the tunnel without a word. Hulk stares at the scoreboard as if it might change. I learned that Superman's father was a superhero. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
124-87 (W)
This absolute legend Batman means business! Fast start on the low block!
This guy nobody was talking about Florizarre finishes with authority! A reverse layup at half court!
This franchise cornerstone Batman with the wraparound pass! How did that get through!
Florizarre, this diamond in the rough, exploits the mismatch for a catch-and-shoot triple! Too easy!
Superman picks their pocket! A superhero with quick hands knows how to handle thieves!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Batman picks up the pace. Did you know? Batman launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
Hulk, this do-it-all player, glides to under the basket for a silky tear drop!
This hall-of-fame lock Batman takes a bow! A bench mob celebration! This was clinical!
This well-respected player Aquaman gets photobombed on the jumbotron! A hug with the coach interrupted!
Florizarre points to the crowd after a free throw! This one's for every botanist out there!
Batman daps up the opposition! Class act, on and off the court!
Florizarre and Aquaman act out a movie scene where they reunite in slow motion. The crowd is dying. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
113-109 (W)
This absolute legend Hulk comes out firing! A bank shot in the first minute!
Superman makes the stop! Stopping power of a superhero in full force!
Hulk, this tweener, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Hot head!
Florizarre with a catch-and-shoot triple in the paint! Classifying the rare specimen in tight spaces!
Batman uses a lockdown zone defense brilliantly! Strategy from competing the game!
Coach calls everyone back. Batman drags his feet toward the tunnel. I've been told Batman always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
This potential GOAT Hulk converts the free throws under pressure! Freakish explosiveness under pressure!
Aquaman stays in front! Mirroring every move like a seasoned superhero!
Batman high-fives courtside fans! Those superhero hands spreading the love!
This global icon Superman steals it in overtime! Turns defense into points!
That's the game! Hulk finishes with a monster performance! This all-time great victorious!
Superman and Aquaman leap onto each other like kids. Florizarre comes sprinting in and crushes them both. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Superman's name. Forgive me. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
121-96 (W)
Florizarre checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Batman, this versatile guy, elevates for a monster free throw!
Hulk rejects the layup! A flawless defensive rotation by this do-it-all player! Get that out!
Superman sets up the easy score! Easy as a superhero setting up their bare hands!
Batman, this franchise cornerstone, orchestrates the delay game! Eyes in the back of the head in action!
Halftime! Aquaman is limping slightly heading off the court. Intel: Aquaman refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Batman banks a pull-up jumper off the glass! Geometry learned from the superhero life!
Superman spins and the crowd chants the name! Listen to that noise!
Aquaman unites the squad with a switch-everything defense! The unifier, the superhero of the game!
This game belongs to Hulk! This certified GOAT candidate stamping authority at half court!
Hulk salutes the fans! A scientist's farewell until the next hidden truth!
Hulk and Batman act out a movie scene where they reunite in slow motion. The crowd is dying. Behind the scenes, I learned Batman was also a superhero in a past life. You can feel it in the game. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
101-117 (L)
Batman wins the opening tip! Tipping off with superhero energy!
Hulk can't buy a shot! Wouldn't happen with the hidden truth, a scientist always hits!
Superman throws it into the stands! What was that from this generational talent!
Superman left in the dust! Even a superhero moves faster than that!
Hulk scores off the inbound! That's the preparation of a scientist right there!
Both teams head in. Florizarre has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Rumor has it Florizarre does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
Aquaman walks away muttering! Muttering about the game under their breath!
Aquaman can't connect! Their bare hands in hand, sure. The pill through the hoop, nope!
Batman outsmarts the opponent! The brains of a superhero with their bare hands!
Florizarre grabs the jersey for air! Needs more air than their plant press in the workshop!
Batman walks off in defeat! Even a superhero's skills couldn't save tonight!
Hulk snaps at the bench on his way out. Superman says nothing, but his look says everything. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
86-128 (L)
Florizarre, this all-around player, takes the court! The roaring arena is electric!
This undisputed superstar Hulk misfires again! Ego the size of Texas could cost the team!
Superman attacks the ball right to the defense! Costly mistake by this global icon!
Aquaman loses their assignment! Like losing their bare hands in the workshop!
Florizarre mouths off and picks up a T! Hot head taking over!
Both teams head to the locker room. Batman wipes his forehead with his jersey. Fun fact: Batman tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
This certified GOAT candidate Batman short-arms a finger roll on the low block! Not enough lift!
Superman drives a step slower than usual! Tendency to force bad shots in the tank!
Aquaman forces the pass! Forcing their bare hands where it doesn't fit!
Hulk mutters to himself walking back! This generational talent fighting inner demons!
Florizarre leaves the gymnasium quietly! Quiet as a botanist after the rare specimen setback!
Superman refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. Aquaman watches it and immediately regrets it. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Seattle Blueburrys ends the season #7 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Superman.
Season Journal
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. Ladies and gentlemen... Seattle Blueburrys!
If you paid for your ticket tonight, there's one reason and one reason only, and that reason's name is Superman. The man is massive, marathon-runner cardio, and surgeon's hands. This man catches a ball mid-flight the way you grab the remote off the couch. Except he follows it up with a spin move, a step-back, and a 30-footer that doesn't even touch the rim. Nothing but net. Every single time. Like the basket is magnetized to the damn ball.
The opposing locker room before the game, you know what they talk about? Not the game plan. Not the offensive scheme. No. They talk about HIM. "How do we stop him?" "Who takes the matchup?" "Does he look tired?" Spoiler: he's never tired. And even when he looks tired, it's a trap. The man fakes exhaustion in the third quarter and drops 14 in the fourth like a coiled spring being released. Opposing coaches have 50-page scouting reports on him, and every single page is absolutely useless.
The chef's surprise of the evening is Superman. A superhero by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the game with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him.
Budget-wise, we're in the "checked the couch cushions to fund the last contract" category. Seriously, there are high school programs with better catering. The owner watches every dollar like it's his last, and the GM negotiates trades with the anxiety of a guy haggling at a flea market. But paradoxically, that might be their strength: when you've got nothing to lose, you play free. And sometimes, freedom works miracles on the hardwood.
Seattle Blueburrys ends the season #7 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Superman.
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