hoopers — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Denver Horse-Track | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 6 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | hoopers | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. Ladies and gentlemen... Hoopers! If you paid for your ticket tonight, there's one reason and one reason only, and that reason's name is Shaquille O'Neal. Standing at 216 cm, marathon-runner cardio, and surgeon's hands. This man catches a ball mid-flight the way you grab the remote off the couch. Except he follows it up with a spin move, a step-back, and a 30-footer that doesn't even touch the rim. Nothing but net. Every single time. Like the basket is magnetized to the damn ball. His teammate told me something last week that gave me chills. He said: "When he's silent in the locker room before a game, I know we're about to destroy everybody." The man doesn't talk, he executes. He doesn't celebrate, he absorbs. And when the buzzer is approaching and the score is tight, everybody knows. The teammates, the opponents, the refs, the guy selling nachos on the upper deck. Everybody knows the ball is ending up in his hands. And it's ending up in the basket. The chef's surprise of the evening is King Von. A rapper by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the fiery bars with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him. Financially, we're in no man's land. Not poor, not rich. The kind of team that eyes the trade deadline with longing but knows it can only afford the appetizer, not the full meal. They've built a solid core through smart Draft picks and savvy free agent signings, but don't ask them to compete with the big dogs. Their weapon? Chemistry. And a coach who turns lead into gold. Well, bronze. Okay, silver on a good day.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
89-109 (L)
Tom Brady, this solid build, takes the court! The Playoff atmosphere is electric!
KSI blows past and fires but misses everything! Ego the size of Texas tonight!
KSI trips up in the perimeter! A rapper never trips at work... Right?
King Von loses their assignment! Like losing their hot mic in the workshop!
Tom Brady, this combo guard, overpowers for a deep three! Size matters!
Break! KSI takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Physio's confession: KSI purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
This undisputed superstar Dwayne Johnson can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
This hall-of-fame lock Shaquille O'Neal whiffs on an alley-oop! The crowd groans!
This hooper's hooper KSI calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Tom Brady spins sluggishly! Tendency to rush catching up with this bonafide star!
King Von attacks past the media. This name that's buzzing not in the mood to talk.
Shaquille O'Neal lets out a nervous laugh that sends chills down your spine. Dwayne Johnson decides not to comment. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
106-86 (W)
KSI announces themselves! The rapper has arrived and the building knows it!
KSI spins and delivers a euro-step! Their hot mic by day, buckets by night!
Shaquille O'Neal with the full-court pressure! This all-time great making them uncomfortable!
Dwayne Johnson, this solid build, delivers the entry pass! Beautiful feed into the post!
Shaquille O'Neal dribbles the ball out of the trap! Freakish explosiveness under pressure!
First half is done. Tom Brady is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Rumor has it Tom Brady tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Dwayne Johnson knocks down a buzzer-beater from the left corner! Ice in the veins!
KSI gets the loudest cheer! Louder than a rapper's proudest moment!
KSI, this next-level player, rotates on defense! A gym-rat work ethic team commitment!
This is the Dwayne Johnson game! This potential GOAT taking over in the extra period!
Shaquille O'Neal, this hall-of-fame lock, soaks in the moment! Victory driving to the hoop! A salute to the fans!
KSI and King Von run circles around Dwayne Johnson who doesn't move. Zen. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
92-104 (L)
King Von wins the opening tip! Tipping off with rapper energy!
Dwayne Johnson, this first-ballot legend, can't convert the fast break! Wasted opportunity!
King Von fires away the damn ball right to the defense! Costly mistake by this player making noise!
Shaquille O'Neal gambles for the steal and pays the price! Heavy feet!
KSI takes off on the low block with the same confidence they bring to spitting the fiery bars.
Back in the locker room, Dwayne Johnson sits down and stares at the ceiling. Fun fact: Dwayne Johnson failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
Tom Brady can't mask the disappointment! This jersey-selling name wearing it on the sleeve!
This living legend Dwayne Johnson short-arms a half-court heave at the top of the key! Not enough lift!
This certified GOAT candidate Dwayne Johnson adjusts at halftime and comes out sharp! Adaptation!
KSI asks for the ball to slow the pace! This respected competitor needs air!
Shaquille O'Neal, this living legend, takes the loss hard. Limited stamina at the wrong moments.
Shaquille O'Neal looks like someone who hasn't slept in three days. KSI looks like someone who won't sleep tonight. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
103-101 (W)
This absolute legend Shaquille O'Neal catches the damn ball early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Tom Brady sprints to close out! A surgical steal from the left corner! Great effort!
Tom Brady rises up but the shot rims out! Ego the size of Texas rears its ugly head!
Shaquille O'Neal fades away the rock with flair and hits a pull-up jumper! Sensational!
Dwayne Johnson, this all-time great, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
Halftime whistle. King Von flops into the first available chair. Did you know King Von keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
KSI, this elusive guard, with the late-game layup! Silky smooth technique shining through!
Tom Brady a defensive stop with authority! This all-around player protecting the paint!
This bonafide star Tom Brady brings a packed arena to a new level! Incredible scene!
Tom Brady with the dagger two-handed slam! This world-class player buries the opposition!
Shaquille O'Neal, this 7-footer, carries the team to victory! MVP-level performance!
KSI and Dwayne Johnson chest bump so hard they each fly back three meters. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
108-97 (W)
Tom Brady opens with a reverse layup! This All-Star caliber talent making an early statement!
King Von pulls off a sky hook out of nowhere! Was that basketball or rapper magic? Unbelievable!
KSI rejects the layup! An iron-wall defense by this low-to-the-ground speedster! Get that out!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Shaquille O'Neal zips the pass through! Another dime from this absolute unit!
Tom Brady identifies the soft spot in the zone! This franchise guy surgical precision!
Halftime. KSI throws his towel on the floor walking in. Did you know? KSI once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
This generational talent Shaquille O'Neal punishes the defense with a buzzer-beater on the low block!
KSI high-fives courtside fans! Those rapper hands spreading the love!
KSI, this dude putting the league on notice, picks up the fallen teammate! That dawg mentality beyond the stats!
Dwayne Johnson, this all-around player, makes a statement! This franchise cornerstone is here to stay!
King Von grabs the game ball! This player making noise earned it tonight!
KSI and King Von freestyle a victory rap. Dwayne Johnson does the beatbox. It's terrible but magnificent. Behind the scenes, I learned Dwayne Johnson was also a rapper in a past life. You can feel it in the game. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
92-102 (L)
Shaquille O'Neal, this big fella, sets the tone immediately! Scary good handles from the jump!
KSI, this league veteran, sends the orange wide! The touch is off tonight!
This household name Shaquille O'Neal commits the offensive foul! Turnover off the pick and roll!
KSI gets posterized! A rapper framed by their hot mic in the worst way!
King Von scores an off-balance shot! Their hot mic by day, buckets by night!
Halftime whistle. Tom Brady spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Anecdote: Tom Brady once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Dwayne Johnson drops the head after another miss! Tendency to force bad shots sapping the confidence!
King Von, this low-to-the-ground speedster, bobbles the Spalding and the chance evaporates from the right corner!
Dwayne Johnson pushes the pace in transition! Nerves of steel showing in every play!
This absolute legend Dwayne Johnson can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
This legit talent KSI stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this legit talent wanted.
Tom Brady bites the inside of his cheek. KSI pinches the bridge of his nose. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
90-124 (L)
This elite player Tom Brady opens the scoring! An off-balance shot! Early advantage!
Shaquille O'Neal with a wild attempt! This living legend not finding the range tonight!
King Von throws it away! A pass worse than a rapper tossing the fiery bars!
King Von watches them score! Just watching, like watching their hot mic gather dust!
This next-level player King Von gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
First half is done. Dwayne Johnson is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Exclusive: Dwayne Johnson was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
Shaquille O'Neal fires a step-back three at the top of the key but can't connect! Tendency to force bad shots showing!
KSI is spent! Used up like the fiery bars after a rapper's long day!
Tom Brady, this tweener, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted in the paint!
Shaquille O'Neal dunks the towel! This undisputed superstar showing occasional mental lapses!
KSI fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the rapper gave everything!
KSI mutters 'damn' under his breath. Tom Brady says 'yeah' in the same tone. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
117-97 (W)
This franchise cornerstone Dwayne Johnson means business! Fast start from the left corner!
Tom Brady scores with scary good handles. An and-one from way beyond the arc! Too smooth!
KSI hounds the ball handler! Tenacious as a rapper with their hot mic!
Tom Brady, this guy everybody knows, surveys and delivers! Eyes in the back of the head in the playmaking!
Dwayne Johnson, this potential GOAT, manages the clock beautifully in the second quarter!
Halftime. KSI glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Locker room anecdote: KSI talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
Tom Brady, this multi-time All-Star, with the exclamation-point devastating dunk! Game changer!
Kids in the stands mimic KSI's spitting celebration! Adorable!
King Von dives for the loose ball! Full send from this rapper!
KSI overcomes the early struggles! This respected competitor rising like a phoenix!
Tom Brady dishes in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
KSI launches his shoe into the air. Dwayne Johnson catches it. Standing ovation. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
88-116 (L)
King Von takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Tom Brady takes off the rock into nothing! Tendency to rush on full display tonight!
King Von gets picked! A rapper getting the fiery bars stolen in broad daylight!
Tom Brady, this solid build, lets the shooter get free facing the rim! Costly lapse!
KSI with the step-back buzzer beater! Creating space like a rapper with their hot mic!
That's a cut. Dwayne Johnson stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. I've been told Dwayne Johnson once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Tom Brady fades away and kicks the stanchion! This reliable star losing composure!
Shaquille O'Neal, this towering presence, can't finish in the paint! That one stings!
Tom Brady blows past into the right spacing! Ridiculous creativity and elite court awareness!
King Von drags their feet! Heavy as their hot mic at the end of a shift!
Shaquille O'Neal, this beanpole, trudges off the floor. Lessons to take from this one.
KSI chews his nails on the bench. Dwayne Johnson stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. Tonight I had a revelation: Dwayne Johnson runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
88-116 (L)
KSI dishes with energy from the opening whistle! This league veteran locked in!
Tom Brady forces a half-court heave facing the rim! This reliable star trying too hard!
This living legend Dwayne Johnson with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
Tom Brady gets screened out of the play! This All-Star caliber talent lost in traffic!
A euro-step from Dwayne Johnson! This living legend is putting on a show tonight!
Break! Dwayne Johnson heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Fun fact: Dwayne Johnson failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
King Von slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a rapper hits the workbench!
Off the mark for King Von! Great rapper, not so great at basketball tonight!
Tom Brady, this versatile guy, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
KSI needs oxygen! More winded than a rapper after overtime!
Dwayne Johnson launches to the tunnel in disappointment. This first-ballot legend will learn from this.
King Von hurls his water bottle at the wall. Tom Brady flinches but doesn't react. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
97-114 (L)
Opening possession for KSI! First touch, like first touch of their hot mic!
Tom Brady misfires back to the basket! Even this big-name player has off nights!
King Von throws it into the stands! What was that from this player on the come-up!
Dwayne Johnson falls asleep on the weak side! Shaky emotions under pressure exposed!
Shaquille O'Neal, this mountain of a man, takes over from the left corner. A double-clutch layup! That's elite!
Well-deserved break. King Von looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Small detail: King Von whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
KSI launches away from the huddle! This league veteran in a dark place mentally!
Dwayne Johnson, this global icon, comes up empty! A catch-and-shoot triple off target from way beyond the arc!
KSI exploits the soft spot in the three-point line! Soft as the fiery bars under their hot mic!
This absolute legend Dwayne Johnson can barely jump! The springs are gone at the buzzer!
KSI gave it everything! Everything a rapper has, left on the court!
Shaquille O'Neal scratches the back of his neck nervously. King Von has the look of someone who has seen things. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
92-107 (L)
Shaquille O'Neal, this generational talent, draws first blood! A buzzer beater to start!
KSI fires and misses from along the baseline. Should have stuck with the fiery bars!
This seasoned vet King Von dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Tom Brady gets burned on the drive! Sometimes predictable game in lateral movement!
This solid pro King Von does it again! A floater with effortless precision!
End of the first act. Tom Brady is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Rumor has it Tom Brady has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
This guy everybody knows Tom Brady fouls hard out of frustration! Hot head showing!
Tom Brady misfires at the top of the key! This certified bucket searching for answers!
Shaquille O'Neal reads the defense perfectly! Unreal swagger and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Shaquille O'Neal grabs the shorts! This undisputed superstar is running on fumes!
KSI consoles teammates! The heart of a rapper in that moment!
Tom Brady is the last one off the court, shoulders hunched. KSI waits at the tunnel entrance. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
97-114 (L)
The venue welcomes King Von! The rapper with the fiery bars has arrived!
Tom Brady, this smooth operator, gets stuffed trying a bucket! Denied!
This name that's buzzing KSI forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
King Von beaten off the dribble! Quicker than the fiery bars slipping from a rapper!
KSI finishes through contact! Built tough from handling their hot mic!
Halftime whistle! King Von slides down against the hallway wall. Staff confession: King Von is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
King Von kicks the air! The frustration of a rapper who knows they can do better!
King Von with the contested buzzer beater back to the basket! No good! Bad selection!
Tom Brady spaces the floor perfectly! Great read of the system!
This guy everybody knows Tom Brady can't close out! The legs are shot from the right corner!
This guy with a proven track record King Von tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
KSI takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Tom Brady follows the same path. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
86-130 (L)
KSI steps onto the palace of hoops! From spitting the fiery bars to this, game time!
Brick! Shaquille O'Neal misfires in transition! Defense that's basically a suggestion at the worst time!
Tom Brady, this swiss-army-knife type, fumbles the entry pass on the low block!
This established player KSI can't recover! Scored on at the top of the key! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Shaquille O'Neal, this 7-footer, shows negative body language! Tendency to force bad shots creeping in!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Dwayne Johnson walks head down toward the tunnel. Anecdote: Dwayne Johnson lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
This dude putting the league on notice King Von misses the mark! A buzzer-beater goes begging along the baseline!
Dwayne Johnson bends over during the dead ball! This living legend gathering what's left!
KSI with the careless pass! Spitting the fiery bars with more care, please!
KSI rises up angrily after the turnover! This well-respected player spiraling!
Shaquille O'Neal reflects on what could have been. Sometimes predictable game the difference tonight.
KSI's lip is trembling. Dwayne Johnson dodges the cameras by pulling up his hood. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
103-117 (L)
King Von gets the crowd going early! Setting the tone like a rapper on day one!
King Von misses the runner! Stick to the day job, buddy!
King Von turns it over in the restricted area! Butterfingers from this rapper!
Tom Brady, this solid build, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over limited stamina!
Tom Brady fades away the rock with purpose! An alley-oop! This franchise guy means business!
Players head to the locker room. Tom Brady has tape on three fingers. Rumor has it Tom Brady tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
KSI drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a rapper's spirit has limits!
Dwayne Johnson drives the pill into the front rim! That's frustrating for this hall-of-fame lock!
This all-time great Shaquille O'Neal adjusts the angle mid-drive! Iron discipline body control!
Dwayne Johnson, this versatile guy, is drenched in sweat! Emptying the tank!
Tom Brady, this all-around player, hangs the head. Tough loss despite pure God-given talent effort.
KSI's lip is trembling. Dwayne Johnson dodges the cameras by pulling up his hood. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
hoopers finishes #13 (4W-11L). Better luck next season! MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
Season Journal
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. Ladies and gentlemen... Hoopers!
If you paid for your ticket tonight, there's one reason and one reason only, and that reason's name is Shaquille O'Neal. Standing at 216 cm, marathon-runner cardio, and surgeon's hands. This man catches a ball mid-flight the way you grab the remote off the couch. Except he follows it up with a spin move, a step-back, and a 30-footer that doesn't even touch the rim. Nothing but net. Every single time. Like the basket is magnetized to the damn ball.
His teammate told me something last week that gave me chills. He said: "When he's silent in the locker room before a game, I know we're about to destroy everybody." The man doesn't talk, he executes. He doesn't celebrate, he absorbs. And when the buzzer is approaching and the score is tight, everybody knows. The teammates, the opponents, the refs, the guy selling nachos on the upper deck. Everybody knows the ball is ending up in his hands. And it's ending up in the basket.
The chef's surprise of the evening is King Von. A rapper by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the fiery bars with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him.
Financially, we're in no man's land. Not poor, not rich. The kind of team that eyes the trade deadline with longing but knows it can only afford the appetizer, not the full meal. They've built a solid core through smart Draft picks and savvy free agent signings, but don't ask them to compete with the big dogs. Their weapon? Chemistry. And a coach who turns lead into gold. Well, bronze. Okay, silver on a good day.
hoopers finishes #13 (4W-11L). Better luck next season! MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
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