My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 7 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Miami Heart-Attack | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | My Team | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. The team with no name, baby! If you paid for your ticket tonight, there's one reason and one reason only, and that reason's name is Superman. The man is massive, marathon-runner cardio, and surgeon's hands. This man catches a ball mid-flight the way you grab the remote off the couch. Except he follows it up with a spin move, a step-back, and a 30-footer that doesn't even touch the rim. Nothing but net. Every single time. Like the basket is magnetized to the damn ball. And the most terrifying thing about him? It's not the stats, it's not the size, it's the calm. You know that moment where the arena is on its feet, the clock is ticking down the final seconds, sweat is pouring... And he's just chewing his gum like he's waiting for the bus? Then he loads up. And drains it. Stone cold. In front of 20,000 people on the verge of cardiac arrest. That's what a franchise player is: the guy who carries everyone on his shoulders and still makes it look easy. And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Godzilla. The man. Is. An amateur. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. An amateur. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got bare hands and apparently, the technical motion of an amateur and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach. The budget? What budget? We're so far below the salary floor you could limbo under it blindfolded. The team accountant is the owner's cousin running Excel 2003 with no updates since the Bush administration. The jerseys are hand-washed by the intern, road trips are carpooled, and the last free agent who visited the facilities turned around the second he saw the locker room. But you know what? Character is forged in the struggle. And this team's got character coming out of its damn ears.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
81-125 (L)
Doctor Strange lands the first finger roll! First blood! The banker strikes first!
Superman misses at the buzzer! A superhero who missed the deadline!
Superman, this combo guard, gets the ball poked away! Tendency to force bad shots when protecting the rock!
Mothra, this combo guard, gets blown by on the perimeter! Limited stamina in the legs!
Jesus Christ looks to the heavens! A messiah praying for their bare hands to work!
Halftime whistle! Godzilla slides down against the hallway wall. Confession: Godzilla tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
A catch-and-shoot triple from Mothra catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
Godzilla, this all-around player, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
Godzilla, this do-it-all player, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted under the basket!
Superman lets fly away from the huddle! This first-ballot legend in a dark place mentally!
This all-time great Jesus Christ stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this all-time great wanted.
Superman replays the score in his head on a loop. Mothra tries to think about something else. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
87-118 (L)
Superman takes the court to an electric crowd! The superhero with their bare hands is here!
Superman pulls up but the shot rims out! Occasional mental lapses rears its ugly head!
Godzilla attacks the leather right to the defense! Costly mistake by this bonafide star!
Jesus Christ gets posted up and scored on! This global icon overpowered!
Godzilla storms to the bench! This big-name player is visibly upset!
Into the tunnel. Doctor Strange grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Did you know Doctor Strange started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Jesus Christ with a wild attempt! This hall-of-fame lock not finding the range tonight!
Jesus Christ, this living legend, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
Doctor Strange tries to be too fancy and loses the pill! Defense that's basically a suggestion in the decision-making!
This potential GOAT Superman shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Jesus Christ leaves the palace of hoops quietly! Quiet as a messiah after the game setback!
Mothra's eyes are red, jaw tight. Jesus Christ apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
81-111 (L)
Jesus Christ, this tweener, sets the tone immediately! Unreal swagger from the jump!
This guy with a proven track record Mothra throws up a prayer in transition! Not answered!
Mothra with the errant pass! This player on the come-up needs to settle down!
Godzilla gambles for the steal and pays the price! Heavy feet!
Superman mouths off at the jump ball! A superhero venting about the game!
Time to breathe. Godzilla has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Anecdote: Godzilla once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
A bank shot by Mothra at half court is way off! Tough night for this guy with a proven track record!
Doctor Strange drags their feet! Heavy as their bare hands at the end of a shift!
This hooper's hooper Doctor Strange commits the offensive foul! Turnover in the paint!
This dude putting the league on notice Mothra slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
This hall-of-fame lock Superman tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Mothra refuses Orlando Magic-Beans's handshake. Jesus Christ offers a limp one with just his fingertips. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
86-116 (L)
This generational talent Jesus Christ catches the ball early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Superman, this tweener, can't finish from the left corner! That one stings!
Mothra throws it into the stands! What was that from this player making noise!
Doctor Strange, this versatile guy, gets exploited in the switch! Limited stamina exposed in the mismatch!
Jesus Christ hooks it in! The arc of a messiah swinging their bare hands!
The players leave the court. Jesus Christ clings to the tunnel railing. Little scoop: Jesus Christ collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Doctor Strange throws their hands up! Like a banker when their bare hands breaks!
This undisputed superstar Jesus Christ shanks a step-back three from downtown! That's uncharacteristic!
Jesus Christ sets the screen with precision worthy of their bare hands! Tactical genius!
This certified bucket Godzilla can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
Mothra reflects on what could have been. Sometimes predictable game the difference tonight.
Superman's face is locked shut, zero emotion. Mothra hides his eyes under a towel. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
85-124 (L)
Mothra, this do-it-all player, announced to huge cheers! A packed arena!
Mothra crosses over the rock awkwardly! The touch just isn't there for this next-level player!
This hooper's hooper Mothra dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Superman can't stay in front! Competing the game doesn't build lateral quickness!
Godzilla attacks and kicks the stanchion! This certified bucket losing composure!
Halftime. Godzilla's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. True story: Godzilla had his parking spot stolen by Phoenix No-Defense's mascot. Still talks about it. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
A double-clutch layup from Superman hits the iron! Ego the size of Texas under the spotlight!
Jesus Christ cramps up! Muscles tight from their bare hands and the Wilson double duty!
Doctor Strange with a wild pass that sails out! This solid pro giving it away!
This bonafide star Godzilla fouls hard out of frustration! Hot head showing!
Superman shakes hands through the pain! A superhero who respects their bare hands and the game!
Doctor Strange taps the tunnel wall as if trying to pass through it. Jesus Christ walks through the door without pushing it. I learned tonight that Doctor Strange used to be a volunteer firefighter. That explains the unique running style. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
86-131 (L)
Godzilla opens with a finger roll! This bonafide star making an early statement!
Superman gets blocked! Rejected harder than a superhero's worst day on the job!
Jesus Christ throws it away! A pass worse than a messiah tossing the game!
Superman loses the screen battle! Tendency to rush around the picks!
Doctor Strange drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a banker's spirit has limits!
Halftime! Doctor Strange has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Intel: Doctor Strange asked Los Angeles Nursing-Home for their energy drink recipe. They refused. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Doctor Strange forces an alley-oop from way beyond the arc! This player on the come-up trying too hard!
Godzilla, this headliner, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
Doctor Strange throws it away! Occasional mental lapses under pressure under the basket!
Doctor Strange slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a banker hits the workbench!
Superman had the chances but couldn't convert. This undisputed superstar left wanting.
Superman claps his hands in frustration. Doctor Strange clenches his jaw so hard you can hear it from here. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Doctor Strange. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
75-120 (L)
Godzilla spins onto the floor! The crowd roars for this headliner!
Godzilla, this headliner, comes up empty! A layup off target in the paint!
Jesus Christ turns it over on a strategic timeout! A messiah dropping their bare hands at the worst time!
Superman beaten to the spot! Slower than a superhero on a Monday morning!
Mothra, this hooper's hooper, with the frustrated foul! Shaky emotions under pressure in tough moments!
Into the tunnel. Jesus Christ grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Word is Jesus Christ sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
This undisputed superstar Superman muscles up a scoop layup but can't get it to fall!
This bonafide star Godzilla can't close out! The legs are shot from mid-range!
Doctor Strange, this tweener, commits the travel! Occasional mental lapses in the footwork!
Superman, this swiss-army-knife type, throws the hands up! Exasperated from the left corner!
Mothra walks off in silence. This solid pro gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Superman walks head down toward the tunnel. Doctor Strange drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
80-125 (L)
And we're underway! Doctor Strange touches the Wilson first! This hooper's hooper looks eager!
Godzilla forces a bad finger roll! This established star needs to trust teammates!
Godzilla, this swiss-army-knife type, fumbles the entry pass under the basket!
Jesus Christ gets blown by! Even a messiah couldn't stop that!
Doctor Strange slams the orange in frustration! Injury-prone body on full display!
Halftime. Jesus Christ glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Locker room anecdote: Jesus Christ talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Mothra, this versatile guy, gets the look but can't convert facing the rim!
Doctor Strange slows down visibly! Slower than their bare hands on low power!
Mothra, this do-it-all player, gets stripped back to the basket! Hot head exposed!
Mothra, this legit talent, refuses to high-five! Tendency to force bad shots hurting the chemistry!
This player on the come-up Mothra shakes hands and moves on. In the end, defense that's basically a suggestion proved costly.
Mothra snaps at the bench on his way out. Jesus Christ says nothing, but his look says everything. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
85-114 (L)
This player on the come-up Mothra comes out firing! A hook shot in the first minute!
Doctor Strange, this solid build, gets the separation but can't finish! Injury-prone body!
Mothra charges right into the defender! Turnover! Heavy feet when controlling pace!
Doctor Strange reacts too late to rotate! Ego the size of Texas on the help side!
Jesus Christ handles the Spalding like their bare hands. A step-back three in the paint! The precision of a messiah!
That's a cut. Jesus Christ stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Little secret: Jesus Christ listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Superman dishes angrily after the turnover! This certified GOAT candidate spiraling!
Jesus Christ gets the friendly rim but no luck! Even the messiah touch can't save that one!
This world-class player Godzilla sets the back screen! A killer instinct off-ball contribution!
Jesus Christ misses the rotation! Too tired, like a messiah too tired for the game!
Godzilla, this versatile guy, trudges off the palace of hoops. Lessons to take from this one.
Jesus Christ kicks his towel across the floor. Doctor Strange has already left for the locker room, alone. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
77-121 (L)
This multi-time All-Star Godzilla opens the scoring! An off-balance shot! Early advantage!
Doctor Strange skips it off the rim! The game has better hop than that!
Mothra coughs up the leather! Heavy feet strikes again facing the rim!
This legit talent Doctor Strange caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
This reliable star Godzilla stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Halftime! Mothra walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Physio's confession: Mothra purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Godzilla misses the open look! This established star can't believe it! Limited stamina!
Godzilla bends over during the dead ball! This world-class player gathering what's left!
This reliable star Godzilla loses concentration and the Spalding with it!
This elite player Godzilla gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Superman looks at the scoreboard one last time! Numbers don't lie for a superhero!
Mothra whispers 'this can't be real' under his breath. Jesus Christ nods without conviction. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Mothra's name. Forgive me. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
82-126 (L)
Doctor Strange stretches center court! Loosening up, the banker is getting ready!
Mothra rushes a reverse layup at the top of the key! Occasional mental lapses creeping in!
Superman, this combo guard, steps out of bounds with the orange! Mental lapse!
Doctor Strange gives up the easy bucket! Easier than competing the game!
Mothra, this solid build, pounds the scorer's table! Occasional mental lapses on full display!
Halftime whistle! Mothra grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Confession: Mothra tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
This franchise cornerstone Superman misses the mark! A catch-and-shoot triple goes begging on the low block!
Superman jogs instead of sprints! Conserving energy for competing the game tomorrow!
Godzilla loses the ball in traffic! This big-name player can't afford that!
This hall-of-fame lock Jesus Christ can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
This player making noise Mothra congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this player making noise.
Mothra mutters 'damn' under his breath. Jesus Christ says 'yeah' in the same tone. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
77-122 (L)
Doctor Strange steps onto the gymnasium! From competing the game to this, game time!
Doctor Strange misfires! The banker's precision with the game is nowhere to be found!
This generational talent Superman commits the 5-second violation! Clock management lack of consistency!
Superman caught flat-footed! Standing still, the superhero reflexes took a nap!
Jesus Christ storms to the bench! Heated! This messiah doesn't handle losing well!
Break! Superman rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. They say Superman has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
Brick! Superman misfires at half court! Lack of consistency at the worst time!
This hall-of-fame lock Superman signals to the bench! Needs a blow! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
This hooper's hooper Doctor Strange forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Doctor Strange mouths off and picks up a T! Ego the size of Texas taking over!
Despite the loss, Doctor Strange held their own with the game! The banker fought!
Jesus Christ's eyes are glassy. Godzilla mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
87-132 (L)
This hooper's hooper Doctor Strange in the starting lineup! Let's see what this hooper's hooper brings!
Jesus Christ can't get it to fall! Gravity treats the leather differently than the game!
This multi-time All-Star Godzilla gets pickpocketed from downtown! Sloppy handling!
Superman beaten off the dribble! Quicker than the game slipping from a superhero!
Mothra drops the head after another miss! Tendency to force bad shots sapping the confidence!
Break. Jesus Christ collapses next to the vending machine. Did you know Jesus Christ knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Boston Ring-Chasers's colors. By accident, obviously. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
Mothra rises up but overcooks it! Injury-prone body showing up again!
This bonafide star Godzilla stumbles! The fatigue is real after the allotted time!
Mothra with the backcourt violation! This guy with a proven track record under too much pressure!
Godzilla, this elite player, yells at the coaching staff! Ego the size of Texas causing friction!
Superman hangs their head! A superhero who gave everything they had!
Doctor Strange snaps at the bench on his way out. Jesus Christ says nothing, but his look says everything. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
87-131 (L)
Superman lets fly into position! This all-time great not wasting any time!
Superman bricks it! Not the same accuracy as competing the game!
Intercepted! Doctor Strange's pass snatched right out of the air! A banker would never be that careless!
Superman loses their assignment! Like losing their bare hands in the workshop!
Jesus Christ walks away muttering! Muttering about the game under their breath!
Halftime whistle. Jesus Christ has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Did you know Jesus Christ once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Superman, this versatile guy, gets stuffed trying a layup! Denied!
Jesus Christ calls for the sub! Even a messiah's stamina with their bare hands has limits!
Jesus Christ with the travel! Footwork confusion worthy of a lost messiah!
Doctor Strange can't mask the disappointment! This name that's buzzing wearing it on the sleeve!
Doctor Strange walks the tunnel in silence! Done for the night, back to banker life tomorrow!
Godzilla chews his nails on the bench. Superman stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. Tonight I learned Godzilla used to be a volunteer firefighter before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
82-127 (L)
Superman, this franchise cornerstone, embraces the hostile crowd! Game on!
Superman fires a pull-up jumper at the top of the key but can't connect! Shaky emotions under pressure showing!
Superman with the backcourt violation! A superhero going backwards with the game!
Doctor Strange can't contain the drive! Competing the game is more containable!
Jesus Christ sits on the bench for a moment! Resting like a messiah after a long shift!
Halftime. Godzilla is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Confession: Godzilla tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
A scoop layup attempt by Mothra falls short! Tendency to force bad shots in the legs!
Jesus Christ gets the mercy sub! Mercy, like a messiah begging the game for mercy!
Doctor Strange lets fly into a trap! Ego the size of Texas when reading the defense!
Mothra attacks the towel! This next-level player showing hot head!
Godzilla fades away to the tunnel in disappointment. This world-class player will learn from this.
Mothra refuses Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest's handshake. Jesus Christ offers a limp one with just his fingertips. Tonight I had a revelation: Jesus Christ runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Superman.
Season Journal
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. The team with no name, baby!
If you paid for your ticket tonight, there's one reason and one reason only, and that reason's name is Superman. The man is massive, marathon-runner cardio, and surgeon's hands. This man catches a ball mid-flight the way you grab the remote off the couch. Except he follows it up with a spin move, a step-back, and a 30-footer that doesn't even touch the rim. Nothing but net. Every single time. Like the basket is magnetized to the damn ball.
And the most terrifying thing about him? It's not the stats, it's not the size, it's the calm. You know that moment where the arena is on its feet, the clock is ticking down the final seconds, sweat is pouring... And he's just chewing his gum like he's waiting for the bus? Then he loads up. And drains it. Stone cold. In front of 20,000 people on the verge of cardiac arrest. That's what a franchise player is: the guy who carries everyone on his shoulders and still makes it look easy.
And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Godzilla. The man. Is. An amateur. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. An amateur. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got bare hands and apparently, the technical motion of an amateur and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach.
The budget? What budget? We're so far below the salary floor you could limbo under it blindfolded. The team accountant is the owner's cousin running Excel 2003 with no updates since the Bush administration. The jerseys are hand-washed by the intern, road trips are carpooled, and the last free agent who visited the facilities turned around the second he saw the locker room. But you know what? Character is forged in the struggle. And this team's got character coming out of its damn ears.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Superman.
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