My dream starting five ā basketball_team šŗšø
5 members Ā· TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | My Team | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 9 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Denver Horse-Track | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Houston Blast-Off | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. The team with no name, baby! Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but Luka DonÄiÄ is something else entirely. He's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. Standing at 201 cm, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This man feels the game. He knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. He reads passes like he's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery. What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch. The chef's surprise of the evening is Jesus Christ. A messiah by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the game with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him. The budget here is absolutely insane, we're talking stratosphere money. This is Warriors and Suns territory. These guys are so loaded they've triggered the Second Apron: the league literally forbids them from signing free agents or combining salaries in trades. They have zero flexibility, handcuffed by their own damn wealth. It's "championship or crash and burn," no in-between.
Matchday 1 ā vs Detroit Engine-Roar
95-104 (L)
This franchise cornerstone Michael Jordan gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Devin Booker, this walking skyscraper, gets the separation but can't finish! Lack of consistency!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Jesus Christ dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Michael Jordan, this giant, fouls unnecessarily in the paint! Ego the size of Texas!
Luka DonÄiÄ, this mountain of a man, carves up the defense for a buzzer-beater! Beautiful!
Players head to the locker room. Michael Jordan has tape on three fingers. They say Michael Jordan has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
Jesus Christ drops the head after another miss! Limited stamina sapping the confidence!
Luka DonÄiÄ, this big fella, wastes a golden chance with a wild scoop layup!
This franchise cornerstone Michael Jordan recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
Hulk digs deep! Deep as a scientist digs into the hidden truth!
Devin Booker, this long boy, trudges off the palace of hoops. Lessons to take from this one.
Luka DonÄiÄ unclasps his chain and squeezes it in his fist. Devin Booker runs a hand down his face. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 2 ā vs Miami Heart-Attack
112-85 (W)
This hall-of-fame lock Michael Jordan comes out aggressive! Opens with a thunderous slam in the paint!
Jesus Christ scores at will! An off-balance shot at half court! This absolute legend domination!
Michael Jordan reads the play and picks off the pass! Transition opportunity!
Luka DonÄiÄ attacks the leather through traffic! What a pass by this guy everybody knows!
Hulk reads the defense perfectly! That dawg mentality and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Halftime! Michael Jordan has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Rumor has it Michael Jordan does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Michael Jordan blows past the pill with purpose! A finger roll! This basketball god means business!
This living legend Michael Jordan has the arena rocking! Palpable tension off the charts!
This player on the come-up Devin Booker swings the ball around! Scary good handles ball movement!
The legend of Devin Booker grows! This established player adding another chapter driving to the hoop!
Hulk wraps up an incredible performance! Wrapped up tight, the scientist delivered!
Luka DonÄiÄ does a backflip. Well, he tries. Hulk applauds the effort. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 3 ā vs Orlando Magic-Beans
122-83 (W)
Luka DonÄiÄ fires up the crowd to open the game! This franchise guy starting strong!
Hulk dribbles and it's a sky hook! This living legend proving the doubters wrong!
Luka DonÄiÄ with the hockey assist! That extra pass, beautiful basketball!
Jesus Christ scores a layup! Their bare hands by day, buckets by night!
Hulk forces the shot-clock violation! Patient as a scientist waiting for the hidden truth!
Halftime. The doctor examines Devin Booker's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Did you know? Devin Booker has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
Michael Jordan attacks back to the basket and finishes with a buzzer-beater! Too good!
Luka DonÄiÄ and the starters head to the bench! Job done, game over!
Someone check Hulk's bag, is that their lab notebook or sports equipment?!
This dude putting the league on notice Devin Booker holds up three fingers! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench after the triple!
This guy with a proven track record Devin Booker thanks the fans! The crowd is on its feet! What a ride!
Devin Booker gives his headband to a kid in the crowd. Jesus Christ gives his shoes. Luka DonÄiÄ gives his water bottle. The kid is overwhelmed. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
Matchday 4 ā vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
115-107 (W)
Luka DonÄiÄ, this titan, announced to huge cheers! A boiling cauldron!
Luka DonÄiÄ posts up through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
Devin Booker draws the offensive foul! Smart play, great positioning!
Hulk feeds the post! Nourishing the play with pure scientist instinct!
This undisputed superstar Michael Jordan recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
Finally a breather. Hulk has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Rumor has it Hulk talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Michael Jordan penetrates to the rack for a half-court heave! Can't contain this absolute unit!
Jesus Christ, this versatile guy, gestures for more noise! The crowd goes nuts!
Jesus Christ lets fly the orange with patience! This generational talent trusting the system!
Luka DonÄiÄ is writing the story tonight! This All-Star caliber talent with an alley-oop at the buzzer!
Devin Booker, this oversized freak, salutes the faithful! A hug with the coach! What a night!
Michael Jordan makes a heart with his hands toward the camera. Jesus Christ makes a bigger heart. Hulk makes a massive heart. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 5 ā vs Phoenix No-Defense
110-84 (W)
The game begins and Devin Booker is ready! You can see freakish explosiveness written all over his face!
Hulk fades away the basketball with flair and hits a pull-up jumper! Sensational!
Jesus Christ, this potential GOAT, bodied up and forced the turnover! Physical defense!
Luka DonÄiÄ threads the needle! Beautiful assist at the top of the key! Unreal court vision!
Luka DonÄiÄ, this guy everybody knows, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Jesus Christ to massage his thighs. Rumor has it Jesus Christ does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
Michael Jordan with an incredible double-clutch layup driving to the hoop! Standing ovation!
The fans sense it coming! The energy is building as Michael Jordan gets hot!
Devin Booker puts ego aside! The team comes first for this dude putting the league on notice!
This All-Star caliber talent Luka DonÄiÄ embraces the pressure! This is what greatness looks like!
Hulk puts a bow on it! Clean finish, just like a scientist wrapping up the job!
Michael Jordan and Jesus Christ pound their chests like gorillas. The coach pretends not to know them. Behind the scenes, I learned Jesus Christ was also a messiah in a past life. You can feel it in the game. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 6 ā vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
107-99 (W)
This solid pro Devin Booker in the starting lineup! Let's see what this solid pro brings!
Luka DonÄiÄ steps back the rock with freakish explosiveness. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
Devin Booker slides to the passing lane and steals it! Insane court vision!
Hulk dishes a beautiful pass! Special delivery from this scientist!
Hulk fires away into the right spacing! Freakish explosiveness and elite court awareness!
Halftime. The doctor examines Michael Jordan's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Rumor has it Michael Jordan talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
Jesus Christ with the step-back off-balance shot! Creating space like a messiah with their bare hands!
Immense pressure as Luka DonÄiÄ, this giant, is introduced! Goosebumps!
Hulk rebounds and outlets! From board to bucket, this scientist does it all!
This is the Luka DonÄiÄ game! This top-tier talent taking over in overtime!
Luka DonÄiÄ, this walking skyscraper, acknowledges the fans! A crowd fully behind them! A fist pump toward the bench!
Jesus Christ makes a heart with his hands toward the camera. Luka DonÄiÄ makes a bigger heart. Devin Booker makes a massive heart. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 7 ā vs Toronto Border-Patrol
118-98 (W)
Michael Jordan, this colossus, sets the tone immediately! Freakish explosiveness from the jump!
Hulk with a tear drop! The finesse of their lab notebook right there on the hardwood!
This basketball god Michael Jordan forces the air ball with pressure! Suffocating!
Hulk creates the opportunity! Building something special tonight!
Luka DonÄiÄ slows the pace when the team needs it! This bonafide star tempo control!
Halftime whistle. Luka DonÄiÄ high-fives his teammates on the way out. Anecdote: Luka DonÄiÄ threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. We're back! The players look fired up.
Hulk sinks it in the paint. A scientist never misses the hidden truth, and never misses the hoop!
Post-game fireworks for Hulk! Brighter than their lab notebook on a perfect day!
Michael Jordan celebrates the team's success! This once-in-a-lifetime player knows together is better!
Every time Hulk touches the pill, you see the discipline of their lab notebook!
Michael Jordan pumps the fist as the buzzer goes! This household name savors the win!
Jesus Christ pretends to faint from happiness. Michael Jordan pretends to call 911. Tonight I had a revelation: Michael Jordan runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 8 ā vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
133-92 (W)
Jesus Christ bounces the damn ball pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
Luka DonÄiÄ with the tough scoop layup through contact! This jersey-selling name won't be denied!
This established star Luka DonÄiÄ creates for others! Unselfish play with night-in night-out consistency!
Hulk explodes past the defense for a scoop layup! Size advantage from this this all-around player!
Michael Jordan, this towering presence, with the clutch rebound in traffic! The crowd is on its feet!
Halftime whistle. Michael Jordan spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Anecdote of the day: Michael Jordan forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
Michael Jordan, this first-ballot legend, drills another scoop layup driving to the hoop! Automatic!
Luka DonÄiÄ, this certified bucket, with the dagger and then some! A sky hook!
Michael Jordan, this oversized freak, flexes after a missed shot! This generational talent keeping it positive!
Michael Jordan, this household name, with the signature team high-five! The fans love it!
Jesus Christ finishes with a monster stat line! Numbers a messiah would be proud of!
Hulk does the robot at center court while Jesus Christ pretends to be an airplane. The crowd loves it. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 9 ā vs Houston Blast-Off
119-101 (W)
Luka DonÄiÄ, this big fella, takes the court! The crowd fully behind them is electric!
A devastating dunk from Devin Booker! This legit talent reminding everyone why they're on top!
Luka DonÄiÄ slides the feet perfectly and forces a miss! Pure God-given talent in every step!
Devin Booker reads the defense like a book! Assist at the buzzer! An unmatched feel for the game!
Michael Jordan pushes the pace in transition! Natural-born leadership showing in every play!
Back to the locker room. Devin Booker's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Locker room anecdote: Devin Booker talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
Michael Jordan, this absolute legend, exploits the mismatch for a scoop layup! Too easy!
The crowd chants Jesus Christ's name! A roaring arena for the messiah with their bare hands!
Jesus Christ boxes out for the teammate! Making room like a messiah with the game!
Michael Jordan, this big fella, sets the tone with an off-the-charts basketball IQ! Leader!
Hulk, this potential GOAT, points to the crowd! A salute to the fans! This was for the fans!
Luka DonÄiÄ and Jesus Christ cradle the game ball like a baby. Hulk takes a photo. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 10 ā vs Denver Horse-Track
124-88 (W)
Opening possession for Jesus Christ! First touch, like first touch of their bare hands!
This headliner Luka DonÄiÄ erupts for a bucket! The floodgates are open!
Jesus Christ with the kick-out pass! Kicking the offense into gear, messiah style!
Jesus Christ, this all-time great, unleashes a floater driving to the hoop! Bang!
Devin Booker, this walking skyscraper, smothers the ball-handler! No options!
Coach calls everyone back. Hulk drags his feet toward the tunnel. Little secret: Hulk listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Hulk with a hook shot on the break! Running like they're late for work!
Michael Jordan, this giant, has the opposition calling for mercy along the baseline!
This big-name player Luka DonÄiÄ calls for the Spalding but trips over the baseline! Comedy gold!
Devin Booker pumps the fist! This player making noise feeling it in the paint! A victory dance!
Michael Jordan, this certified GOAT candidate, embraces the teammates! A team high-five! Sweet victory!
Michael Jordan and Devin Booker form a tunnel for Luka DonÄiÄ to crawl through. Too tall. Gets stuck. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 11 ā vs New York Over-Timers
101-96 (W)
This headliner Luka DonÄiÄ catches the Spalding early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Hulk with a bucket to seal the deal! A scientist who always closes!
Devin Booker with the chase-down perfect contest! What athleticism!
Luka DonÄiÄ, this long boy, finds the trailer! An alley-oop off the assist, easy money!
This elite player Luka DonÄiÄ sets the back screen! Scary good handles off-ball contribution!
Break! Luka DonÄiÄ rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. Did you know? Luka DonÄiÄ has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Hulk with the fadeaway catch-and-shoot triple! Smooth as their lab notebook in action!
The crowd is on its feet! A cathedral silence as Michael Jordan takes the court!
Michael Jordan steps back the ball into the right hands! This franchise cornerstone quarterback!
Tonight, Jesus Christ isn't just a messiah, they're a phenomenon with their bare hands!
Jesus Christ tallied double figures! Double the game, double the glory!
Luka DonÄiÄ blows a kiss to the camera. Devin Booker blows twelve. Michael Jordan blocks the lens. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 12 ā vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
103-112 (L)
Game time! Luka DonÄiÄ and this franchise guy ready to put on a show at the arena!
Hulk, this smooth operator, can't finish facing the rim! That one stings!
Hulk double-dribbles! Discoverring the hidden truth doesn't have that rule!
Hulk turns the head and loses the man! This household name napping defensively!
Hulk nails an and-one from deep! Range like their lab notebook reaching across the workshop!
Back in the locker room, Luka DonÄiÄ sits down and stares at the ceiling. The staff told me Luka DonÄiÄ sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
Hulk glares at the leather! Like it personally betrayed this scientist!
Hulk, this all-around player, can't get a two-handed slam to drop! Cold as ice tonight!
Hulk adjusts the tempo! Controlling the rhythm like a veteran scientist!
Michael Jordan bends over during the dead ball! This all-time great gathering what's left!
Michael Jordan, this walking skyscraper, hangs the head. Tough loss despite pure God-given talent effort.
Jesus Christ punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. Michael Jordan slides down the wall to the floor. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 13 ā vs Boston Ring-Chasers
105-118 (L)
Tip-off! Michael Jordan gets us started! Let's go!
Michael Jordan launches the rock into the front rim! That's frustrating for this global icon!
Luka DonÄiÄ loses the Spalding in traffic! This headliner can't afford that!
Hulk watches them score! Just watching, like watching their lab notebook gather dust!
This player on the come-up Devin Booker finishes with authority! A thunderous slam from the right corner!
Back in the locker room, Jesus Christ sits down and stares at the ceiling. Small detail: Jesus Christ wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Jesus Christ, this franchise cornerstone, with the frustrated foul! Tendency to force bad shots in tough moments!
Hulk, this household name, pulls the trigger at the top of the key but no luck!
Devin Booker, this well-respected player, orchestrates the delay game! Natural-born leadership in action!
Luka DonÄiÄ is cramping up! This reliable star trying to shake it off! Hot head!
Hulk sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a scientist after their lab notebook broke!
Luka DonÄiÄ kicks his towel across the floor. Devin Booker has already left for the locker room, alone. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 14 ā vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
81-116 (L)
Michael Jordan, this franchise cornerstone, draws first blood! A double-clutch layup to start!
This league veteran Devin Booker shanks a buzzer beater in the paint! That's uncharacteristic!
Sloppy handling by Jesus Christ! Competing the game is done with more finesse!
Hulk gets screened out of the play! This living legend lost in traffic!
Luka DonÄiÄ, this absolute unit, throws the hands up! Exasperated along the baseline!
Halftime whistle. Jesus Christ flops into the first available chair. Did you know Jesus Christ entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Devin Booker fires a reverse layup driving to the hoop but can't connect! Occasional mental lapses showing!
Devin Booker is gassed! This name that's buzzing bent over at half court! Defense that's basically a suggestion catching up!
Jesus Christ, this versatile guy, gets stripped from downtown! Occasional mental lapses exposed!
Devin Booker, this big fella, shows negative body language! Heavy feet creeping in!
This seasoned vet Devin Booker shakes hands and moves on. In the end, defense that's basically a suggestion proved costly.
Jesus Christ chews his nails on the bench. Michael Jordan stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 15 ā vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
96-114 (L)
Hulk checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Devin Booker takes off the leather into nothing! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display tonight!
Intercepted! Hulk's pass snatched right out of the air! A scientist would never be that careless!
Hulk gives up the back door! Sometimes predictable game when overplaying!
Hulk scores from back to the basket! A two-handed slam with ridiculous creativity! Brilliant!
Break! Jesus Christ rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. I've been told Jesus Christ always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Michael Jordan picks up the second technical! This once-in-a-lifetime player ejected! Occasional mental lapses!
Jesus Christ drives but the shot rims out! Occasional mental lapses rears its ugly head!
Devin Booker, this established player, manipulates the defense with the eyes! Natural-born leadership!
Michael Jordan, this global icon, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
Luka DonÄiÄ dribbles to the tunnel in disappointment. This certified bucket will learn from this.
Luka DonÄiÄ kicks his towel across the floor. Devin Booker has already left for the locker room, alone. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
My Team ends the season #5 with a 10W-5L record. Season MVP: Luka DonÄiÄ.
Season Journal
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. The team with no name, baby!
Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but Luka DonÄiÄ is something else entirely. He's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. Standing at 201 cm, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This man feels the game. He knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. He reads passes like he's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery.
What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch.
The chef's surprise of the evening is Jesus Christ. A messiah by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the game with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him.
The budget here is absolutely insane, we're talking stratosphere money. This is Warriors and Suns territory. These guys are so loaded they've triggered the Second Apron: the league literally forbids them from signing free agents or combining salaries in trades. They have zero flexibility, handcuffed by their own damn wealth. It's "championship or crash and burn," no in-between.
My Team ends the season #5 with a 10W-5L record. Season MVP: Luka DonÄiÄ.
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