My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇬🇧
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 4 | Houston Blast-Off | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | My Team | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby! Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for Lauri Markkanen! Picture this: standing at 213 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight. You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance. Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: he signed Mothra, his brother-in-law and an amateur by trade, on a ten-day contract. The guy showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying bare hands and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if Mothra can place a basketball with the same precision he uses for the game to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the guy's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench. The budget is starting to look serious. We're no longer in the cheap seats, they've finally got a payroll that lets them look other franchises in the eye. The roster is balanced, there's talent at every position, and the bench isn't a cosmic void anymore. But they're dancing right on the luxury tax line, so every signing is an apothecary's calculation. A blockbuster trade? Possible, but something's gotta give. It's chess, and the GM is a pretty damn good player.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
80-125 (L)
Kobe Bryant, this household name, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Godzilla fires a free throw off the pick and roll but can't connect! Hot head showing!
King Kong, this smooth operator, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted from way beyond the arc!
King Kong scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Limited stamina!
This undisputed superstar Kobe Bryant can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Halftime! King Kong walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Juicy intel: King Kong turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
Godzilla posts up the ball into the front rim! That's frustrating for this bonafide star!
Mothra pulls up a step slower than usual! Injury-prone body in the tank!
King Kong coughs up the Spalding! Sometimes predictable game strikes again facing the rim!
Mothra slams the pill in frustration! Injury-prone body on full display!
Kobe Bryant dishes to the tunnel in disappointment. This all-time great will learn from this.
Lauri Markkanen punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. Mothra slides down the wall to the floor. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
88-132 (L)
Godzilla, this do-it-all player, announced to huge cheers! A packed arena!
Godzilla posts up but overcooks it! Ego the size of Texas showing up again!
Mothra loses the ball in traffic! This guy with a proven track record can't afford that!
Lauri Markkanen, this towering presence, lets the shooter get free at half court! Costly lapse!
This next-level player Lauri Markkanen stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
The players head in. King Kong slips on the wet tunnel floor. Anecdote: King Kong tried to impress the Miami Heart-Attack players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With his face. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
Kobe Bryant goes to work but the shot rims out! Shaky emotions under pressure rears its ugly head!
This reliable star King Kong has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
Kobe Bryant charges right into the defender! Turnover! Tendency to rush when controlling pace!
Kobe Bryant picks up the second technical! This potential GOAT ejected! Hot head!
This name that's buzzing Lauri Markkanen leaves the arena with head held high. Fought to the end.
Lauri Markkanen walks head down toward the tunnel. King Kong drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
97-122 (L)
Game time! King Kong and this multi-time All-Star ready to put on a show at the venue!
Lauri Markkanen can't buy a bucket! Another miss along the baseline! Frustrating!
King Kong, this all-around player, gets called for the carry! Sometimes predictable game in ball-handling!
Godzilla gets burned on the drive! Tendency to force bad shots in lateral movement!
A thunderous slam from downtown by King Kong! This all-around player with the long range!
The players file out. King Kong exchanges a tense look with the coach. Rumor has it King Kong has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
This jersey-selling name King Kong shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
This league veteran Mothra shanks a scoop layup facing the rim! That's uncharacteristic!
King Kong spaces the floor perfectly! Great read of the system!
This player making noise Lauri Markkanen is a warrior but the body says no! The contest of war!
Mothra had the chances but couldn't convert. This player making noise left wanting.
Mothra mutters 'damn' under his breath. Lauri Markkanen says 'yeah' in the same tone. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
86-130 (L)
Lauri Markkanen, this league veteran, embraces the roaring arena! Game on!
Lauri Markkanen penetrates the Wilson into nothing! Hot head on full display tonight!
This hooper's hooper Lauri Markkanen dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
This hall-of-fame lock Kobe Bryant can't recover! Scored on from the right corner! Sometimes predictable game!
Kobe Bryant, this towering presence, waves off the play call! Tendency to rush hurting the team!
That's a cut. King Kong stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Rumor has it King Kong tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
Mothra, this solid build, bobbles the pill and the chance evaporates facing the rim!
Mothra short-arms the shot from fatigue! This up-and-coming baller has nothing left!
This up-and-coming baller Lauri Markkanen with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
Lauri Markkanen, this player making noise, yells at the coaching staff! Sometimes predictable game causing friction!
This next-level player Mothra congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this next-level player.
Lauri Markkanen's eyes are glassy. Kobe Bryant mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
90-119 (L)
This elite player Godzilla means business! Fast start from way beyond the arc!
Godzilla crosses over and fires but misses everything! Ego the size of Texas tonight!
King Kong with a wild pass that sails out! This All-Star caliber talent giving it away!
Lauri Markkanen, this mammoth, can't keep up with the speed! Shaky emotions under pressure exposed!
King Kong, this bonafide star, operates in transition with a hook shot! Clinic!
Players head to the locker room. Godzilla has tape on three fingers. Did you know? Godzilla once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Lauri Markkanen gets a technical for complaining! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display!
A free throw from Kobe Bryant catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
King Kong sets the screen at the perfect angle! This jersey-selling name cerebral play!
Mothra, this seasoned vet, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
King Kong, this reliable star, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Mothra lets out a nervous laugh that sends chills down your spine. Lauri Markkanen decides not to comment. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
87-132 (L)
Kobe Bryant takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Lauri Markkanen, this oversized freak, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this name that's buzzing!
Lauri Markkanen, this colossus, fumbles the entry pass at half court!
This up-and-coming baller Mothra gives up the offensive rebound! Hot head when boxing out!
This certified GOAT candidate Kobe Bryant gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Break time. Mothra bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Quick anecdote about Mothra: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
Kobe Bryant, this potential GOAT, comes up empty! A devastating dunk off target on the low block!
This max-contract guy Godzilla can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
This living legend Kobe Bryant commits the offensive foul! Turnover in the paint!
Mothra can't mask the disappointment! This name that's buzzing wearing it on the sleeve!
Godzilla, this versatile guy, trudges off the floor. Lessons to take from this one.
Kobe Bryant looks like someone who hasn't slept in three days. Mothra looks like someone who won't sleep tonight. Tonight I learned Kobe Bryant used to be a volunteer firefighter before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
74-118 (L)
Godzilla, this combo guard, sets the tone immediately! Eyes in the back of the head from the jump!
King Kong rushes a catch-and-shoot triple driving to the hoop! Hot head creeping in!
This legit talent Mothra loses concentration and the Wilson with it!
This global icon Kobe Bryant bites on the fake! Beaten in transition!
This hooper's hooper Mothra throws an elbow in frustration! Ego the size of Texas on full display!
Break! Mothra grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Exclusive info: Mothra is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
An alley-oop attempt by Godzilla falls short! Sometimes predictable game in the legs!
King Kong pulls up but can't sustain the effort! Hot head emptying the tank!
Lauri Markkanen attacks into a trap! Shaky emotions under pressure when reading the defense!
Mothra fires away the towel! This next-level player showing shaky emotions under pressure!
Kobe Bryant spins past the media. This living legend not in the mood to talk.
Mothra refuses Toronto Border-Patrol's handshake. Kobe Bryant offers a limp one with just his fingertips. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
76-118 (L)
Kobe Bryant spins onto the floor! The crowd roars for this living legend!
Lauri Markkanen forces up a buzzer-beater over the defense! Tendency to rush! Bad decision!
This headliner Godzilla forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
This All-Star caliber talent King Kong caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Mothra goes to work angrily after the turnover! This next-level player spiraling!
Back in the locker room, Mothra sits down and stares at the ceiling. Juicy anecdote: Mothra was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
King Kong with a wild attempt! This elite player not finding the range tonight!
Godzilla grabs the shorts! This guy everybody knows is running on fumes!
King Kong throws it into the stands! What was that from this jersey-selling name!
King Kong pulls up away from the huddle! This top-tier talent in a dark place mentally!
Kobe Bryant walks off in silence. This generational talent gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Lauri Markkanen stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. King Kong comes back to get him. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
78-123 (L)
Kobe Bryant dishes into position! This once-in-a-lifetime player not wasting any time!
Mothra, this established player, sends the basketball wide! The touch is off tonight!
King Kong with the errant pass! This max-contract guy needs to settle down!
Mothra, this all-around player, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over heavy feet!
Kobe Bryant mutters to himself walking back! This franchise cornerstone fighting inner demons!
Halftime whistle. Kobe Bryant spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Anecdote: Kobe Bryant fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
Godzilla misfires facing the rim! Even this elite player has off nights!
This hooper's hooper Mothra can't close out! The legs are shot at half court!
Lauri Markkanen, this towering presence, commits the travel! Ego the size of Texas in the footwork!
Kobe Bryant storms to the bench! This first-ballot legend is visibly upset!
Godzilla, this combo guard, hangs the head. Tough loss despite scary good handles effort.
King Kong's complexion is grey. Godzilla's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
84-129 (L)
This big-name player King Kong comes out aggressive! Opens with a pull-up jumper at the buzzer!
Godzilla, this do-it-all player, can't finish in the paint! That one stings!
This elite player King Kong with turnover number lengths ahead! Tendency to rush is piling up!
King Kong gets caught flat-footed! This elite player beaten to the spot!
King Kong, this elite player, barks at the teammate! Lack of consistency taking over!
Halftime. Mothra is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Fun fact: Mothra blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Lauri Markkanen, this mountain of a man, gets the separation but can't finish! Heavy feet!
King Kong, this established star, is dragging! The four quarters minutes taking their toll!
Kobe Bryant with the backcourt violation! This franchise cornerstone under too much pressure!
Lauri Markkanen, this absolute unit, throws the hands up! Exasperated from mid-range!
This undisputed superstar Kobe Bryant shakes hands and moves on. In the end, hot head proved costly.
Lauri Markkanen unclasps his chain and squeezes it in his fist. King Kong runs a hand down his face. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
75-119 (L)
This hooper's hooper Mothra opens the scoring! A buzzer-beater! Early advantage!
Mothra air-mails a pull-up jumper from the left corner! Way off for this hooper's hooper!
Mothra tries to be too fancy and loses the damn ball! Limited stamina in the decision-making!
Godzilla, this do-it-all player, gets exploited in the switch! Lack of consistency exposed in the mismatch!
Mothra mouths off and picks up a T! Occasional mental lapses taking over!
Off to the locker room. Godzilla has already drained two water bottles. Did you know Godzilla knits to unwind? Made a scarf in New York Over-Timers's colors. By accident, obviously. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Lauri Markkanen, this dude putting the league on notice, pulls the trigger from the left corner but no luck!
Lauri Markkanen, this titan, looks exhausted in transition! The legs are gone!
Lauri Markkanen throws it away! Lack of consistency under pressure from mid-range!
Kobe Bryant, this undisputed superstar, with the frustrated foul! Shaky emotions under pressure in tough moments!
Lauri Markkanen reflects on what could have been. Occasional mental lapses the difference tonight.
King Kong whispers 'this can't be real' under his breath. Lauri Markkanen nods without conviction. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
73-117 (L)
This headliner Godzilla comes out firing! A layup in the first minute!
King Kong misfires facing the rim! This All-Star caliber talent searching for answers!
Lauri Markkanen, this colossus, gets the ball poked away! Limited stamina when protecting the rock!
King Kong lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this max-contract guy fooled!
Mothra, this do-it-all player, pounds the scorer's table! Sometimes predictable game on full display!
Coach calls everyone back. Godzilla drags his feet toward the tunnel. Rumor has it Godzilla talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Kobe Bryant, this absolute legend, fumbles the finish from downtown! Back to the drawing board!
Lauri Markkanen, this tree of a man, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
Kobe Bryant fires away carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
This player making noise Lauri Markkanen hangs the head after the miss! Deflated from way beyond the arc!
This dude putting the league on notice Mothra tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Lauri Markkanen looks like someone who hasn't slept in three days. Kobe Bryant looks like someone who won't sleep tonight. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
86-129 (L)
Kobe Bryant takes off with energy from the opening whistle! This franchise cornerstone locked in!
This top-tier talent King Kong muscles up a step-back three but can't get it to fall!
Godzilla, this smooth operator, gets stripped from downtown! Defense that's basically a suggestion exposed!
Kobe Bryant overcommits and gets beat! Limited stamina when reading the play!
Kobe Bryant, this big fella, shows negative body language! Occasional mental lapses creeping in!
Break time. Kobe Bryant bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Little scoop: Kobe Bryant collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
This solid pro Lauri Markkanen whiffs on a pull-up jumper! The crowd groans!
Godzilla pulls up but the legs won't cooperate! Lack of consistency catching up!
King Kong passes to nobody! This franchise guy with a head-scratching decision!
King Kong drops the head after another miss! Hot head sapping the confidence!
Lauri Markkanen, this solid pro, takes the loss hard. Shaky emotions under pressure at the wrong moments.
Lauri Markkanen takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Mothra doesn't drink. Throat too tight. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
81-125 (L)
Tip-off! Kobe Bryant gets us started! Let's go!
King Kong clanks another one off the rim! This multi-time All-Star needs to find rhythm!
Kobe Bryant, this beanpole, steps out of bounds with the damn ball! Mental lapse!
Mothra gambles for the steal and pays the price! Sometimes predictable game!
Godzilla drives and kicks the stanchion! This big-name player losing composure!
The players file out. King Kong exchanges a tense look with the coach. Little secret: King Kong listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
This hooper's hooper Lauri Markkanen misfires again! Occasional mental lapses could cost the team!
Godzilla, this smooth operator, with tired legs facing the rim! Limited stamina slowing this world-class player down!
This world-class player Godzilla commits the 5-second violation! Clock management tendency to rush!
This next-level player Mothra fouls hard out of frustration! Occasional mental lapses showing!
This dude putting the league on notice Mothra stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this dude putting the league on notice wanted.
Mothra kicks his towel across the floor. Lauri Markkanen has already left for the locker room, alone. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
87-132 (L)
Lauri Markkanen, this mountain of a man, is introduced and the arena explodes! This seasoned vet is in the building!
This guy with rings on every finger Kobe Bryant throws up a prayer from mid-range! Not answered!
Lauri Markkanen with the lazy pass! Sometimes predictable game leading to easy points!
Mothra gives up the back door! Tendency to force bad shots when overplaying!
Godzilla, this top-tier talent, refuses to high-five! Defense that's basically a suggestion hurting the chemistry!
Rest time. Godzilla isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Anecdote: Godzilla once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Mothra, this next-level player, with the shot-clock heave! No good in transition!
Lauri Markkanen, this player making noise, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
Lauri Markkanen explodes into a dead end in transition! Turnover! Limited stamina!
Kobe Bryant glares at the scoreboard! This generational talent not happy with the situation!
Kobe Bryant sits alone on the bench. This basketball god processing the defeat.
Lauri Markkanen shakes Mothra's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Lauri Markkanen.
Season Journal
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby!
Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for Lauri Markkanen! Picture this: standing at 213 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight.
You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance.
Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: he signed Mothra, his brother-in-law and an amateur by trade, on a ten-day contract. The guy showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying bare hands and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if Mothra can place a basketball with the same precision he uses for the game to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the guy's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench.
The budget is starting to look serious. We're no longer in the cheap seats, they've finally got a payroll that lets them look other franchises in the eye. The roster is balanced, there's talent at every position, and the bench isn't a cosmic void anymore. But they're dancing right on the luxury tax line, so every signing is an apothecary's calculation. A blockbuster trade? Possible, but something's gotta give. It's chess, and the GM is a pretty damn good player.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Lauri Markkanen.
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