My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 4 | New York Over-Timers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | My Team | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Let's not beat around the bush: tonight is going to be one hell of a show. The arena is packed, the air is unbreathable with tension, and the lights just went out for the pregame laser show. We're talking about a franchise that has weathered every storm: lockouts, star injuries, catastrophic trades, rebuilds that never seemed to end. And they're still here, standing tall, with the same fire in their belly. This club is a survivor. And when survivors bite, they don't let go. The team with no name, baby! There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's LeBron James. Standing at 206 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face. The opposing locker room before the game, you know what they talk about? Not the game plan. Not the offensive scheme. No. They talk about HIM. "How do we stop him?" "Who takes the matchup?" "Does he look tired?" Spoiler: he's never tired. And even when he looks tired, it's a trap. The man fakes exhaustion in the third quarter and drops 14 in the fourth like a coiled spring being released. Opposing coaches have 50-page scouting reports on him, and every single page is absolutely useless. Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Spider-Man is on this team. Spider-Man, who is a superhero and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with bare hands under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world. Financially, this team is operating in another dimension. The salary cap? Never heard of it. The luxury tax? Paid with a smile. The owner sold two of his yachts to fund this roster and he'd do it again tomorrow morning. Every player on this bench earns more in a week than most people do in a year, and not a single one of them is here to ride the pine. This is a team built to win NOW. Not tomorrow, not next season. Tonight.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
89-126 (L)
This franchise cornerstone Spider-Man gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Spider-Man, this all-time great, sends the damn ball wide! The touch is off tonight!
This certified GOAT candidate Hulk forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
Hulk can't stay in front! Discoverring the hidden truth doesn't build lateral quickness!
Stephen Curry, this elite player, refuses to high-five! Hot head hurting the chemistry!
That's a cut. Stephen Curry stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Fun fact: Stephen Curry was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
LeBron James launches a layup and... Airball! Ego the size of Texas at its peak!
This global icon Hulk stumbles! The fatigue is real after this ball game!
Kobe Bryant, this beanpole, commits the travel! Lack of consistency in the footwork!
This household name Hulk gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
LeBron James walks off in silence. This franchise cornerstone gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Stephen Curry pulls his cap down over his eyes. Kobe Bryant doesn't have a cap, and it shows. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
124-99 (W)
Tip-off! LeBron James gets us started! Let's go!
Kobe Bryant, this tower, showcases a killer instinct with a gorgeous step-back three!
This household name LeBron James comes up with a massive steal! Transition time!
Spider-Man drops the dime! A superhero with court vision like that? Unreal!
LeBron James sets the screen at the perfect angle! This first-ballot legend cerebral play!
Break! Stephen Curry has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Staff confession: Stephen Curry is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
This certified GOAT candidate Kobe Bryant punishes the defense with a thunderous slam from downtown!
The crowd is on its feet! A roaring arena as Stephen Curry takes the court!
Hulk picks up the assignment! Locked in, the scientist accepts the mission!
Kobe Bryant, this big fella, is on a mission! Nothing can stop this living legend right now!
Hulk walks off the arena victorious! A scientist who conquered it all tonight!
Spider-Man and Stephen Curry share a 30-second hug. Kobe Bryant wants in. Gets pushed away. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
118-73 (W)
LeBron James looks dialed in from the start! Nerves of steel preparation showing!
Spider-Man steps back the damn ball beautifully for a buzzer-beater! What touch!
Hulk with the give-and-go! Teamwork from discoverring the hidden truth together!
A bucket from LeBron James! This living legend reminding everyone why they're on top!
Hulk, this smooth operator, contests without fouling! Clean as a whistle!
Back to the locker room. Kobe Bryant punches his locker. True story: Kobe Bryant walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Orlando Magic-Beans. Awkward. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Kobe Bryant blows past the basketball with flair and hits a scoop layup! Sensational!
Stephen Curry, this established star, still going full throttle! No mercy tonight!
LeBron James, this hall-of-fame lock, waves off the screen and runs into it anyway! Classic!
This once-in-a-lifetime player LeBron James stares down the bench! A primal scream after the big play!
Stephen Curry, this elite player, embraces the teammates! A team high-five! Sweet victory!
Kobe Bryant and Hulk chest bump so hard they each fly back three meters. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
108-103 (W)
This certified GOAT candidate Hulk comes out firing! A free throw in the first minute!
LeBron James, this absolute unit, walls off the drive driving to the hoop! No way through!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Hulk misses the mark! A buzzer-beater goes begging facing the rim!
This reliable star Stephen Curry with a cold-blooded hook shot! No conscience!
Spider-Man spins to the weak side! This basketball god exploiting the rotation!
Halftime. Kobe Bryant throws his towel on the floor walking in. Fun fact: Kobe Bryant blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
This undisputed superstar LeBron James with nerves of steel! A finger roll when it matters most!
Stephen Curry times it perfectly and rejects the shot! A brilliant anticipation from way beyond the arc!
The crowd does the wave for Hulk! Scientist pride!
Stephen Curry converts in traffic during crunch time! A reverse layup! Unreal swagger!
LeBron James daps up the opponent! Respect from this certified GOAT candidate after the battle!
Hulk slides across the court in his socks while LeBron James splashes water on everyone. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
102-106 (L)
Kobe Bryant fires up the crowd to open the game! This guy with rings on every finger starting strong!
Spider-Man steps back with the precision of a superhero at work. And it's a pull-up jumper!
Kobe Bryant scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Tendency to force bad shots!
LeBron James with the off-balance fadeaway jumper! This first-ballot legend couldn't set the feet!
This hall-of-fame lock LeBron James ignites the rally! The deficit is shrinking!
Halftime. Kobe Bryant is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. I've been told Kobe Bryant once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
LeBron James turns it over on the final possession! This certified GOAT candidate crumbles under pressure!
Spider-Man waves off the play! The authority of a superhero in that gesture!
Kobe Bryant, this potential GOAT, is playing with nothing to lose! Watch out, this potential GOAT is dangerous!
Stephen Curry misses in the clutch! A euro-step off the mark in the first half!
This global icon Kobe Bryant congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this global icon.
Stephen Curry presses his forehead against the tunnel glass. Kobe Bryant walks right past without noticing. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
133-88 (W)
Kobe Bryant, this once-in-a-lifetime player, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
LeBron James, this certified GOAT candidate, operates from way beyond the arc with a euro-step! Clinic!
This generational talent LeBron James with the one-handed bullet pass! Right on the money!
Kobe Bryant with the tough step-back three through contact! This hall-of-fame lock won't be denied!
Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, covers ground to get the clutch steal! Wow!
Halftime whistle. Stephen Curry flops into the first available chair. Staff confession: Stephen Curry is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Hulk knocks down a tear drop at the buzzer! Ice in the veins!
LeBron James, this mountain of a man, makes it look like practice! Total domination!
LeBron James, this long boy, flexes after a missed shot! This franchise cornerstone keeping it positive!
Stephen Curry attacks and moonwalks back! A slide across the hardwood! It's showtime, baby!
LeBron James, this colossus, takes the final bow! A chest bump! Dominant display!
LeBron James dumps his Gatorade on Kobe Bryant who screams because it was cold. Hulk piles on. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
122-96 (W)
And we're underway! Spider-Man touches the Spalding first! This basketball god looks eager!
Spider-Man spins and scores! Pivoting like they pivot with their bare hands at work!
Spider-Man jumps into the passing lane! A ball recovery! Huge play!
Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, runs the offense with an unmatched feel for the game! Beautiful passing!
Kobe Bryant reads the defense perfectly! An off-the-charts basketball IQ and a sky-high basketball IQ!
That's a cut. Stephen Curry stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Juicy anecdote: Stephen Curry was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
This guy with rings on every finger LeBron James goes to work from the left corner! A half-court heave drops beautifully!
Deafening noise! Spider-Man steps back and the building shakes!
Hulk plugs the gap! Plugging holes with scientist efficiency!
Hulk proves that discoverring the hidden truth builds character for the field house!
Kobe Bryant, this absolute unit, carries the team to victory! MVP-level performance!
Kobe Bryant runs the full court high-fiving everyone. LeBron James follows doing the wave alone. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
104-94 (W)
Stephen Curry takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
A bank shot from Stephen Curry! This guy everybody knows is putting on a show tonight!
Kobe Bryant, this walking skyscraper, with the clutch defensive stop! The crowd is on its feet!
Stephen Curry launches the basketball with precision! Assist from mid-range! Floor general!
This once-in-a-lifetime player LeBron James sets the back screen! An unmatched feel for the game off-ball contribution!
The players file out. Hulk exchanges a tense look with the coach. Little secret: Hulk listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Stephen Curry pulls up through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
Hulk, this hall-of-fame lock, waves the crowd up! An electric crowd rising!
Spider-Man, this certified GOAT candidate, picks up the fallen teammate! A gym-rat work ethic beyond the stats!
This undisputed superstar Kobe Bryant with a performance for the ages! A flash of genius chapter!
Hulk wraps up with a double-double! Double duty: their lab notebook and the leather!
Hulk and Kobe Bryant run circles around Spider-Man who doesn't move. Zen. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
112-88 (W)
Kobe Bryant, this absolute unit, takes the court! The roaring arena is electric!
LeBron James, this towering presence, posts up and delivers a euro-step! Textbook!
LeBron James blocks it and keeps it in play! Heads-up play, what awareness!
LeBron James picks apart the defense! Assist leads to a two-handed slam!
Kobe Bryant goes to work the ball out of the trap! Scary good handles under pressure!
Halftime. Spider-Man throws his towel on the floor walking in. I've been told Spider-Man always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
LeBron James, this walking skyscraper, rises above and hammers a pull-up jumper!
The arena trembles! Spider-Man with the play and a cathedral silence follows!
LeBron James, this 7-footer, sets the perfect screen! An unmatched feel for the game for the team!
Spider-Man is the protagonist tonight! This franchise cornerstone authoring a masterpiece!
Spider-Man hugs the coach! This global icon with a complete performance!
Stephen Curry rips off his jersey and launches it into the crowd. Kobe Bryant does the same. The coach rolls his eyes. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
97-104 (L)
This bonafide star Stephen Curry comes out aggressive! Opens with a buzzer-beater facing the rim!
An alley-oop from LeBron James catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
Hulk gets the ball stripped! The hidden truth would have stayed in a scientist's grip!
Kobe Bryant, this beanpole, gets exploited in the switch! Injury-prone body exposed in the mismatch!
Hulk punishes the defense! A scientist punishing the hidden truth with precision!
That's a cut. Hulk stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Did you know Hulk plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Stephen Curry launches angrily after the turnover! This big-name player spiraling!
Spider-Man with the ugly miss! The superhero touch is absent tonight!
Spider-Man spaces the floor! Making room out there like a superhero clears the workspace!
This guy with rings on every finger LeBron James is a warrior but the body says no! The allotted time of war!
Stephen Curry sits alone on the bench. This multi-time All-Star processing the defeat.
Stephen Curry lets out a nervous laugh that sends chills down your spine. Kobe Bryant decides not to comment. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
101-118 (L)
Stephen Curry, this combo guard, announced to huge cheers! A Playoff atmosphere!
Brick! LeBron James misfires driving to the hoop! Ego the size of Texas at the worst time!
Hulk throws it out of bounds! Like launching their lab notebook into the void!
Spider-Man, this pocket rocket, can't keep up with the speed! Shaky emotions under pressure exposed!
Spider-Man lets fly to the rack for a sky hook! Can't contain this undersized spark plug!
Halftime! Stephen Curry walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Word is Stephen Curry sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Hulk argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to discoverring the hidden truth!
This basketball god LeBron James misfires again! Defense that's basically a suggestion could cost the team!
Spider-Man pins the defender! Pinning them down with superhero authority!
This guy with rings on every finger Kobe Bryant has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
Kobe Bryant, this big fella, trudges off the den. Lessons to take from this one.
Kobe Bryant taps the tunnel wall as if trying to pass through it. LeBron James walks through the door without pushing it. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
103-104 (L)
Hulk steps onto the den! From discoverring the hidden truth to this, game time!
Kobe Bryant scores at the top of the key! A tear drop with ridiculous creativity! Brilliant!
Hulk gets screened out of the play! This generational talent lost in traffic!
Hulk denied by the basket! Even a scientist can't pry it open!
Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, blocks the shot and starts the break! Comeback!
End of the first act. Hulk is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Anecdote of the day: Hulk forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
Stephen Curry, this franchise guy, air-balls in crunch time! The crowd is stunned!
This hall-of-fame lock Spider-Man slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Kobe Bryant, this tree of a man, sets the tone with an unmatched feel for the game! Leader!
Stephen Curry gets stripped in right from the tip-off! That's gonna be a costly turnover!
Spider-Man, this undersized dog, hangs the head. Tough loss despite natural-born leadership effort.
LeBron James leaves the court at a jog. Spider-Man stays there, planted at center court, motionless. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
92-106 (L)
Spider-Man lands the first deep three! First blood! The superhero strikes first!
LeBron James, this basketball god, with a contested scoop layup that misses under the basket!
Stephen Curry throws it into the stands! What was that from this All-Star caliber talent!
Stephen Curry gets caught flat-footed! This headliner beaten to the spot!
Spider-Man, this compact dynamo, takes over from way beyond the arc. An and-one! That's elite!
Break. Kobe Bryant collapses next to the vending machine. Intel: Kobe Bryant asked Boston Ring-Chasers for their energy drink recipe. They refused. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Kobe Bryant, this big fella, throws the hands up! Exasperated at the buzzer!
This guy with rings on every finger Spider-Man rattles it out! So close yet so far along the baseline!
Spider-Man reads the defense like a book! Perfect play call from this superhero!
Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, laboring up and down! Occasional mental lapses draining the energy!
This absolute legend LeBron James stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this absolute legend wanted.
Spider-Man pulls his cap down over his eyes. Kobe Bryant doesn't have a cap, and it shows. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
107-112 (L)
This franchise cornerstone LeBron James means business! Fast start in transition!
Hulk with the step-back sky hook! Creating space like a scientist with their lab notebook!
Hulk overcommits and gets beat! Occasional mental lapses when reading the play!
Hulk misfires on the low block! Even this all-time great has off nights!
LeBron James launches past the defense! A free throw! The gap narrows!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Spider-Man asks for an ice pack. Rumor has it Spider-Man has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Spider-Man throws it away in overtime! A superhero wasting their bare hands at the worst time!
Kobe Bryant slams the damn ball in frustration! Occasional mental lapses on full display!
Kobe Bryant shoots with conviction! This all-time great believes tonight is the night!
This reliable star Stephen Curry can't deliver when it matters! Heavy feet under pressure!
This absolute legend LeBron James shakes hands and moves on. In the end, tendency to force bad shots proved costly.
Stephen Curry whispers 'this can't be real' under his breath. Hulk nods without conviction. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
88-117 (L)
Kobe Bryant goes to work onto the floor! The crowd roars for this all-time great!
LeBron James misfires at the buzzer! This potential GOAT searching for answers!
This potential GOAT Kobe Bryant with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
LeBron James reacts too late to rotate! Ego the size of Texas on the help side!
What a play by Spider-Man! A finger roll at the top of the key! This once-in-a-lifetime player is cooking!
Halftime. Hulk throws his towel on the floor walking in. Anecdote: Hulk slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Kobe Bryant, this guy with rings on every finger, barks at the teammate! Occasional mental lapses taking over!
Kobe Bryant forces up a pull-up jumper over the defense! Injury-prone body! Bad decision!
LeBron James, this absolute unit, seals the defender for position! Fundamentals!
Hulk can barely run! This ball game harder than this ball game of discoverring the hidden truth!
LeBron James reflects on what could have been. Lack of consistency the difference tonight.
Kobe Bryant sits on the bench, staring into nothing. Spider-Man has his head in his hands. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
My Team ends the season #7 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.
Season Journal
Let's not beat around the bush: tonight is going to be one hell of a show. The arena is packed, the air is unbreathable with tension, and the lights just went out for the pregame laser show. We're talking about a franchise that has weathered every storm: lockouts, star injuries, catastrophic trades, rebuilds that never seemed to end. And they're still here, standing tall, with the same fire in their belly. This club is a survivor. And when survivors bite, they don't let go. The team with no name, baby!
There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's LeBron James. Standing at 206 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face.
The opposing locker room before the game, you know what they talk about? Not the game plan. Not the offensive scheme. No. They talk about HIM. "How do we stop him?" "Who takes the matchup?" "Does he look tired?" Spoiler: he's never tired. And even when he looks tired, it's a trap. The man fakes exhaustion in the third quarter and drops 14 in the fourth like a coiled spring being released. Opposing coaches have 50-page scouting reports on him, and every single page is absolutely useless.
Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Spider-Man is on this team. Spider-Man, who is a superhero and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with bare hands under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world.
Financially, this team is operating in another dimension. The salary cap? Never heard of it. The luxury tax? Paid with a smile. The owner sold two of his yachts to fund this roster and he'd do it again tomorrow morning. Every player on this bench earns more in a week than most people do in a year, and not a single one of them is here to ride the pine. This is a team built to win NOW. Not tomorrow, not next season. Tonight.
My Team ends the season #7 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.
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