My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | My Team | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Phoenix No-Defense | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. The team with no name, baby! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Victor Wembanyama on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 224 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. The opposing locker room before the game, you know what they talk about? Not the game plan. Not the offensive scheme. No. They talk about HIM. "How do we stop him?" "Who takes the matchup?" "Does he look tired?" Spoiler: he's never tired. And even when he looks tired, it's a trap. The man fakes exhaustion in the third quarter and drops 14 in the fourth like a coiled spring being released. Opposing coaches have 50-page scouting reports on him, and every single page is absolutely useless. And here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the cherry on top, the plot twist nobody saw coming: the coach recruited Spy. A mercenary. To play professional basketball. I'll repeat for the people in the back: a mercenary, with their blade, on an NBA hardwood. The guy showed up at his first practice asking where the locker rooms were... And went the wrong way. Twice. But the coach swears on everything holy that Spy has "something." We don't know what exactly, but he has "something." In the meantime, the guy runs around like a headless chicken, confuses the highest bidder with the basketball, and has already racked up three technical fouls for trying to negotiate with the referee. The budget is simple: it's not a budget anymore, it's a manifesto. The owner said "I don't give a damn about consequences" and he proved it. We're in financial territory that even Adam Silver didn't anticipate when he wrote the rules. Every extra dollar spent costs five dollars in tax, and guess what, they spend WAY too many extra dollars. The roster is an infernal machine, the bench is a thing of beauty, but the price is zero future. No picks, no possible trades, no plan B. It's the championship or a wall at 200 miles per hour. There is no middle ground.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
102-90 (W)
Tip-off! Victor Wembanyama gets us started! Let's go!
A tear drop from Saxton Hale facing the rim! That's a certified bucket-getter!
Victor Wembanyama, this colossus, swats it into the third row! A flawless defensive rotation!
Stephen Curry, this certified bucket, dishes to the hot hand! Smart basketball!
Victor Wembanyama makes the hockey pass! Freakish explosiveness finding the extra pass!
Halftime whistle. Michael Jordan spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Little scoop: Michael Jordan logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
Victor Wembanyama, this towering presence, muscles in for a double-clutch layup! Pure power!
The PA announcer can't pronounce Spy's their blade! Comedy at the venue!
Spy boxes out for the teammate! Making room like a mercenary with the highest bidder!
Stephen Curry, this combo guard, sets the tone with an off-the-charts basketball IQ! Leader!
Saxton Hale daps up the opponent! Respect from this who-is-this-guy player after the battle!
Victor Wembanyama does a cartwheel at center court. Saxton Hale tries one too and eats it. Tonight I learned Victor Wembanyama used to be a mercenary before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
113-88 (W)
Michael Jordan posts up onto the floor! The crowd roars for this undisputed superstar!
Stephen Curry with another bank shot! You can't stop this man!
Stephen Curry, this solid build, alters the shot! Unreal swagger at the rim!
Stephen Curry with the incredible court vision! This big-name player sees passes nobody else does!
Stephen Curry, this all-around player, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
The players head in. Stephen Curry slips on the wet tunnel floor. Rumor has it Stephen Curry does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
Stephen Curry pulls up and drills a euro-step! Can't teach that!
This undisputed superstar Michael Jordan draws the MVP chants! The crowd is on their feet for the star!
This guy with rings on every finger Michael Jordan swings the pill around! Freakish explosiveness ball movement!
The narrative shifts! Victor Wembanyama takes control with next-level basketball IQ!
Spy has the last say! Final word from a mercenary about the highest bidder!
Spy does the robot at center court while Saxton Hale pretends to be an airplane. The crowd loves it. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
99-95 (W)
This global icon Michael Jordan comes out firing! A layup in the first minute!
Michael Jordan, this big fella, smothers the ball-handler! No options!
Victor Wembanyama fires a fadeaway jumper in transition but can't connect! Hot head showing!
Saxton Hale scores an off-balance shot in a roaring arena! Their leather briefcase vibes radiating across the venue!
Spy draws the double team! Attracting attention, the mercenary is a magnet out there!
That's a cut. Spy stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Small detail: Spy whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
Saxton Hale with the steal and score on a clutch free throw! Businessperson instincts with their leather briefcase!
Michael Jordan with the huge defensive rebound at the top of the key! This potential GOAT says no!
What a standing ovation! Michael Jordan and the fans creating a spectacle!
Victor Wembanyama delivers in the clutch! A catch-and-shoot triple from downtown! This name that's buzzing is ice cold!
Saxton Hale is named player of the game! The businessperson is also the star!
Saxton Hale mimes popping a champagne bottle. Michael Jordan mimes chugging straight from it. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
121-82 (W)
Michael Jordan penetrates with energy from the opening whistle! This guy with rings on every finger locked in!
Michael Jordan, this first-ballot legend, unleashes a pull-up jumper under the basket! Bang!
Stephen Curry explodes and finds the trailer for a bucket! Great awareness!
What a play by Stephen Curry! A double-clutch layup in transition! This certified bucket is cooking!
Stephen Curry plays the passing angle perfectly! Deflection by this world-class player!
Halftime whistle. Stephen Curry spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. They say Stephen Curry eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Spy with an incredible pull-up jumper from the right corner! Standing ovation!
Saxton Hale with the dagger in the blowout! Overkill! The businessperson showed no mercy!
This dude out of nowhere Spy sits on the pill during the timeout! Making themselves at home!
Stephen Curry throws the finger guns at the crowd! A salute to the fans after a thunderous slam!
Victor Wembanyama, this titan, carries the team to victory! MVP-level performance!
Stephen Curry, Michael Jordan, and Saxton Hale pose for a group photo at center court. Nobody has a phone. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
106-104 (W)
Saxton Hale huddles with the team! Huddling up, the businessperson strategizes!
Saxton Hale disrupts the play! Maximum disruption, the businessperson is wreaking havoc!
Stephen Curry takes a tough tear drop and it doesn't go! Hot head in shot selection!
This total unknown Spy capitalizes from downtown! A sky hook with a killer instinct!
Spy uses their size out there! The mercenary has a built-in advantage!
Back to the locker room. Spy's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Intel: Spy refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
This potential GOAT Michael Jordan answers back immediately! A layup along the baseline! Resilient!
Michael Jordan, this walking skyscraper, locks down the attacker! A gym-rat work ethic on the defensive end!
The crowd is on its feet! Palpable tension as Stephen Curry takes the court!
Saxton Hale hits nothing but net! A bank shot in the final quarter! Night-in night-out consistency!
Spy finishes with a monster stat line! Numbers a mercenary would be proud of!
Stephen Curry and Victor Wembanyama do the conga. Alone. On an empty court. Nobody joins in. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
113-87 (W)
This certified GOAT candidate Michael Jordan in the starting lineup! Let's see what this certified GOAT candidate brings!
Saxton Hale with the decisive reverse layup! Iron discipline when it matters most!
Michael Jordan rejects the layup! A sky-high block by this titan! Get that out!
This big-name player Stephen Curry with the one-handed bullet pass! Right on the money!
Spy identifies the soft spot in the zone! This raw talent surgical precision!
Cut! Halftime. Stephen Curry's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Rumor has it Stephen Curry does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Victor Wembanyama with the smooth deep three! This name that's buzzing making it look easy!
A crowd fully behind them reaches fever pitch as Spy takes the court!
Michael Jordan finds the open teammate! This undisputed superstar making everyone better!
The transformation of Victor Wembanyama is complete! This well-respected player has arrived!
Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, acknowledges the fans! Palpable tension! A chest bump!
Saxton Hale moonwalks across the hardwood. Michael Jordan attempts the worm. One of them pulls it off. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
118-79 (W)
Victor Wembanyama, this mountain of a man, sets the tone immediately! Ridiculous creativity from the jump!
Michael Jordan knocks down a half-court heave at the top of the key! Ice in the veins!
This top-tier talent Stephen Curry leads the fast break and dishes! Easy bucket off the assist!
A double-clutch layup from Stephen Curry! This elite player reminding everyone why they're on top!
Stephen Curry a clutch steal at the critical moment! An off-the-charts basketball IQ right on cue!
The players head to the locker room. Stephen Curry is sweating like a racehorse. Bus driver's confession: Stephen Curry raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Michael Jordan, this oversized freak, showcases an unmatched feel for the game with a gorgeous fadeaway jumper!
Saxton Hale adds insult to injury! Salt on the big deal wounds from a businessperson!
Victor Wembanyama, this 7-footer, headbands slips over the eyes mid-play! Blind this legit talent!
Spy celebrates with a fist pump toward the bench! Mimicking fighting the highest bidder on the court!
Michael Jordan hugs the coach! This certified GOAT candidate with a complete performance!
Stephen Curry and Michael Jordan swap jerseys with each other. Makes no sense but it's the emotion talking. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
109-98 (W)
Stephen Curry takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Michael Jordan, this once-in-a-lifetime player, with the exclamation-point sky hook! Game changer!
Michael Jordan, this living legend, shuts down the play back to the basket! Lockdown defender!
Saxton Hale with the no-look pass! This surprise package has eyes in the back of the head!
Stephen Curry slows the pace when the team needs it! This certified bucket tempo control!
End of the second quarter. Stephen Curry is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Did you know Stephen Curry entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Victor Wembanyama, this oversized freak, takes over off the pick and roll. A step-back three! That's elite!
Victor Wembanyama in an incredible energy! This established player has been waiting for this stage!
Michael Jordan sacrifices the body taking the charge! This once-in-a-lifetime player ultimate teammate!
Remember this moment! Saxton Hale is making history with a layup!
That's the game! Spy finishes with a monster performance! This hidden prospect victorious!
Saxton Hale mimes popping a champagne bottle. Stephen Curry mimes chugging straight from it. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
94-98 (L)
Michael Jordan spins into position! This undisputed superstar not wasting any time!
Spy, this combo guard, overpowers for an and-one! Size matters!
Victor Wembanyama, this oversized freak, gets exploited in the switch! Sometimes predictable game exposed in the mismatch!
Victor Wembanyama, this well-respected player, fumbles the finish at half court! Back to the drawing board!
This newcomer Saxton Hale rallies the troops! The team feeds off insane court vision!
Halftime whistle! Spy slides down against the hallway wall. Anecdote: Spy once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Spy loses the handle during crunch time! The mercenary grip vanished!
Michael Jordan can't mask the disappointment! This undisputed superstar wearing it on the sleeve!
This franchise cornerstone Michael Jordan channels the inner champion! Nerves of steel at its peak!
Saxton Hale can't deliver! Even a businessperson can't help in this the second quarter!
Spy gave it everything! Everything a mercenary has, left on the court!
Spy hurls his mouthguard into the trash. Victor Wembanyama keeps his in, chewing on the frustration. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
115-77 (W)
Victor Wembanyama, this player making noise, draws first blood! A euro-step to start!
Michael Jordan catches fire! And it's a bucket! An off-the-charts basketball IQ taking over!
Stephen Curry drives and dishes! Gorgeous feed in the paint! Nerves of steel!
Michael Jordan goes coast to coast for a buzzer beater! This guy with rings on every finger is relentless!
Stephen Curry, this guy everybody knows, pokes the orange free! Scramble under the basket!
Halftime! Victor Wembanyama walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Little secret: Victor Wembanyama watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Saxton Hale hits in the money time! Clutch like a businessperson meeting a deadline!
This household name Michael Jordan shows no sympathy! A bucket extends the massacre!
Spy tried to invoice the other team for that foul! Classic mercenary move!
Spy, this dark horse, cups the ear to the crowd! A chest bump! They want more!
This unknown gem Spy secures the win with scary good handles! Another one in the bag!
Victor Wembanyama and Spy cradle the game ball like a baby. Saxton Hale takes a photo. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
102-100 (W)
Michael Jordan, this 7-footer, announced to huge cheers! An electric crowd!
Victor Wembanyama reads the play and picks off the pass! Transition opportunity!
Spy whiffs on the jumper! A mercenary off their game with their blade!
Stephen Curry buries a double-clutch layup on the low block! This multi-time All-Star is on fire tonight!
This newcomer Spy calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Saxton Hale walks head down toward the tunnel. Juicy anecdote: Saxton Hale was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Victor Wembanyama, this long boy, scores the go-ahead! A deep three! Heart of a champion!
Saxton Hale rotates beautifully! Spinning with precision worthy of their leather briefcase!
The arena is electric! This established star Stephen Curry thriving in a crowd fully behind them!
Victor Wembanyama, this giant, comes up big! A pull-up jumper in the money time! Legend!
This guy nobody was talking about Spy seals the deal! Victory with nerves of steel!
Michael Jordan blows a kiss to the camera. Stephen Curry blows twelve. Spy blocks the lens. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
89-111 (L)
Game time! Michael Jordan and this global icon ready to put on a show at the palace of hoops!
Stephen Curry misfires driving to the hoop! Even this reliable star has off nights!
Stephen Curry drives into a trap! Tendency to force bad shots when reading the defense!
Victor Wembanyama, this titan, can't keep up with the speed! Ego the size of Texas exposed!
This well-respected player Victor Wembanyama with a vintage two-handed slam! The old magic is still there!
Players head to the locker room. Spy has tape on three fingers. Quick anecdote about Spy: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Stephen Curry, this tweener, throws the hands up! Exasperated from downtown!
Stephen Curry, this swiss-army-knife type, gets the separation but can't finish! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
This dude putting the league on notice Victor Wembanyama with the savvy veteran play! Nerves of steel experience showing!
Michael Jordan is cramping up! This first-ballot legend trying to shake it off! Heavy feet!
Victor Wembanyama sits alone on the bench. This respected competitor processing the defeat.
Saxton Hale walks head down toward the tunnel. Spy drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
111-104 (W)
The game begins and Michael Jordan is ready! You can see a gym-rat work ethic written all over his face!
Saxton Hale, this smooth operator, glides at the buzzer for a silky reverse layup!
Michael Jordan times it perfectly and rejects the shot! A brilliant anticipation from the left corner!
Michael Jordan picks apart the defense! Assist leads to a pull-up jumper!
This first-ballot legend Michael Jordan switches defensive assignments on the fly! Nerves of steel!
Break! Saxton Hale takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Did you know? Saxton Hale has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
Victor Wembanyama converts under the basket! A free throw with trademark scary good handles!
Deafening noise! Michael Jordan takes off and the building shakes!
Saxton Hale, this smooth operator, sets the perfect screen! An off-the-charts basketball IQ for the team!
What a journey for Stephen Curry! From the bench to the spotlight! You love to see it!
Michael Jordan can breathe! The win is secured, it's over!
Stephen Curry rips the net off the rim. Spy wraps it around his neck like a scarf. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
112-86 (W)
This hall-of-fame lock Michael Jordan catches the pill early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
This certified bucket Stephen Curry punishes the defense with a buzzer beater at the top of the key!
Saxton Hale pressures the inbound! This hidden prospect with relentless insane court vision!
Victor Wembanyama, this tree of a man, hits the cutter perfectly! Nerves of steel right on time!
Saxton Hale outsmarts the opponent! The brains of a businessperson with their leather briefcase!
Halftime. Saxton Hale glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Confession: Saxton Hale believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Saxton Hale hits the pull-up jumper! The elevation of a businessperson lifting their leather briefcase!
This jersey-selling name Stephen Curry silences the hostile crowd! A boiling cauldron shifts!
Stephen Curry, this guy everybody knows, rotates on defense! Unreal swagger team commitment!
Michael Jordan is writing the story tonight! This generational talent with a fadeaway jumper from the left corner!
Saxton Hale shares the credit! Team player on and off the court!
Spy and Saxton Hale swap jerseys with each other. Makes no sense but it's the emotion talking. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
93-107 (L)
This basketball god Michael Jordan opens the scoring! A tear drop! Early advantage!
Michael Jordan clanks another one off the rim! This once-in-a-lifetime player needs to find rhythm!
Saxton Hale turns it over in the center circle! Butterfingers from this businessperson!
Saxton Hale loses the screen battle! Heavy feet around the picks!
Michael Jordan dunks through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
Break. Spy's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Did you know Spy plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Spy mouths off and picks up a T! Tendency to force bad shots taking over!
Spy fires and misses from under the basket. Should have stuck with the highest bidder!
Spy adjusts the matchup! Finding the right fit, the mercenary approach!
Spy is gassed! More tired than after a full day of fighting the highest bidder!
Saxton Hale shakes hands through the pain! A businessperson who respects their leather briefcase and the game!
Spy has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. Saxton Hale has aged ten years in forty minutes. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
My Team finishes #3, a fantastic season! 12W-3L. Season MVP: Victor Wembanyama.
Season Journal
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. The team with no name, baby!
Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Victor Wembanyama on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 224 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them.
The opposing locker room before the game, you know what they talk about? Not the game plan. Not the offensive scheme. No. They talk about HIM. "How do we stop him?" "Who takes the matchup?" "Does he look tired?" Spoiler: he's never tired. And even when he looks tired, it's a trap. The man fakes exhaustion in the third quarter and drops 14 in the fourth like a coiled spring being released. Opposing coaches have 50-page scouting reports on him, and every single page is absolutely useless.
And here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the cherry on top, the plot twist nobody saw coming: the coach recruited Spy. A mercenary. To play professional basketball. I'll repeat for the people in the back: a mercenary, with their blade, on an NBA hardwood. The guy showed up at his first practice asking where the locker rooms were... And went the wrong way. Twice. But the coach swears on everything holy that Spy has "something." We don't know what exactly, but he has "something." In the meantime, the guy runs around like a headless chicken, confuses the highest bidder with the basketball, and has already racked up three technical fouls for trying to negotiate with the referee.
The budget is simple: it's not a budget anymore, it's a manifesto. The owner said "I don't give a damn about consequences" and he proved it. We're in financial territory that even Adam Silver didn't anticipate when he wrote the rules. Every extra dollar spent costs five dollars in tax, and guess what, they spend WAY too many extra dollars. The roster is an infernal machine, the bench is a thing of beauty, but the price is zero future. No picks, no possible trades, no plan B. It's the championship or a wall at 200 miles per hour. There is no middle ground.
My Team finishes #3, a fantastic season! 12W-3L. Season MVP: Victor Wembanyama.
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