My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | My Team | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 11 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Miami Heart-Attack | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Phoenix No-Defense | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby! There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Standing at 218 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face. The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around. Attention, things are about to get serious. Actually no, things are about to go completely off the rails. The front office signed Teyana Taylor. The woman is a rapper. Yes, you heard that right. A rapper. On a basketball court. With their hot mic in her gym bag and zero understanding of what a pick-and-roll is. The coach says it's a "bet on raw athleticism" but between us, I'm pretty sure she lost a poker bet. Teyana Taylor had her first practice yesterday and asked if the free throw line was home plate. The teammates are dying laughing, the fans don't know whether to cry or applaud, and the GM was spotted updating her resume on LinkedIn. Money-wise, this is solid. Not the penthouse but a nice apartment with a view of the playoffs. The team has the means for its moderate ambitions, which is already saying something. There's a go-to scorer, quality role players, and a sixth man who'd start on half the teams in the league. The owner keeps his hand on the wallet but knows when to open it. The danger? Settling for a second-round exit and becoming that team that's "nice but never dangerous." Tonight, they want to prove otherwise.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
79-121 (L)
Barack Obama, this basketball god, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar misses the open look! This living legend can't believe it! Occasional mental lapses!
Teyana Taylor throws it into traffic! Reckless pass, the rapper got too confident!
Barack Obama lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this guy with rings on every finger fooled!
Barack Obama walks away muttering! Muttering about the public policy under their breath!
Coach calls everyone back. Jesus Christ drags his feet toward the tunnel. Fun fact: Jesus Christ failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
A fadeaway jumper by Jesus Christ facing the rim is way off! Tough night for this who-is-this-guy player!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar steps back but the legs won't cooperate! Shaky emotions under pressure catching up!
Jesus Christ trips up in the low post! A messiah never trips at work... Right?
This basketball god Kobe Bryant stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
This first-ballot legend Kobe Bryant congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this first-ballot legend.
Teyana Taylor walks like someone carrying the weight of the world. Kobe Bryant drags one foot after the other. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
102-105 (L)
This dark horse Jesus Christ opens the scoring! An off-balance shot! Early advantage!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar shoots past everyone for a catch-and-shoot triple! This beanpole on a mission!
This generational talent Kobe Bryant picks up the cheap foul! Injury-prone body showing!
Teyana Taylor can't buy a shot! Wouldn't happen with the fiery bars, a rapper always hits!
Jesus Christ steals and scores! This newcomer cutting the gap from downtown!
Halftime. Jesus Christ's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Fun fact: Jesus Christ is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
This total unknown Jesus Christ gets called for the charge in coming out of the locker room! Brutal!
Barack Obama can't hide the frustration! Their campaign podium frustration meets the leather frustration!
Teyana Taylor, the rapper from the day shift, is writing their story on the arena tonight!
Barack Obama misses in the clutch! A buzzer-beater off the mark in the first quarter!
This franchise cornerstone Kareem Abdul-Jabbar shakes hands and moves on. In the end, limited stamina proved costly.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar bites the inside of his cheek. Kobe Bryant pinches the bridge of his nose. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
123-96 (W)
Kobe Bryant fires away onto the floor! The crowd roars for this household name!
Teyana Taylor attacks from the left corner and finishes with a double-clutch layup! Too good!
This hall-of-fame lock Kareem Abdul-Jabbar with the screen navigation! Gets through and contests!
This newcomer Jesus Christ orchestrates the offense at the top of the key! Maestro!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this walking skyscraper, seals the defender for position! Fundamentals!
The locker room. Jesus Christ sprawls out full-length on the bench. I've been told Jesus Christ always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
What a play by Jesus Christ! A hook shot from way beyond the arc! This dark horse is cooking!
Listen to that roar! Kobe Bryant blows past and the place explodes!
Teyana Taylor rebounds and outlets! From board to bucket, this rapper does it all!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this once-in-a-lifetime player, answers every challenge! That dawg mentality never fading!
Teyana Taylor tallied double figures! Double the fiery bars, double the glory!
Kobe Bryant launches his shoe into the air. Teyana Taylor catches it. Standing ovation. I learned backstage that Teyana Taylor also does rapper on weekends. That explains those reflexes. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
111-83 (W)
Kobe Bryant, this towering presence, announced to huge cheers! A crowd fully behind them!
Kobe Bryant, this hall-of-fame lock, exploits the mismatch for a two-handed slam! Too easy!
This hall-of-fame lock Kobe Bryant holds ground from downtown! Immovable object!
Teyana Taylor reads the defense like a book! Assist in transition! Nerves of steel!
Barack Obama shifts the defense! Moving pieces like a politician at work!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Teyana Taylor asks for an ice pack. They say Teyana Taylor has a ritual where she touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Barack Obama nails a pull-up jumper on the decisive possession! A politician who delivers when it matters!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar lets fly in front of the home faithful! An electric crowd! Beautiful!
Jesus Christ makes the extra pass! Extra effort, the messiah way!
This unknown gem Jesus Christ is living their best moment right now at the buzzer!
Jesus Christ dominates the box score! Numbers worthy of a messiah's the game chart!
Barack Obama performs an absolutely ridiculous victory dance. Kobe Bryant imitates it. It's worse. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
106-99 (W)
Jesus Christ gets the crowd going early! Setting the tone like a messiah on day one!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar scores with ridiculous creativity. A buzzer beater driving to the hoop! Too smooth!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar picks the pocket of the ball handler! Straight robbery!
This basketball god Barack Obama with assist number points! Unreal swagger on display!
Jesus Christ makes the hockey pass! Next-level basketball IQ finding the extra pass!
Halftime! Teyana Taylor checks her stats on the board and winces. Anecdote: Teyana Taylor lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
Kobe Bryant, this towering presence, elevates for a monster euro-step!
Teyana Taylor, this solid pro, waves the crowd up! An incredible energy rising!
Jesus Christ tips the rebound to a teammate! Selfless play from this messiah!
Barack Obama, this combo guard, sets the tone with natural-born leadership! Leader!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar sits on the bench with a smile! This absolute legend job well done!
Teyana Taylor hugs the mascot. Jesus Christ hugs the referee. Awkward. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
110-108 (W)
Jesus Christ sets the tone early! The messiah came to play tonight!
This first-ballot legend Kobe Bryant with a critical stop! A commanding rebound when it counts!
Kobe Bryant, this generational talent, comes up empty! A pull-up jumper off target under the basket!
Teyana Taylor dunks the rock beautifully for a buzzer-beater! What touch!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this colossus, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
That's a cut. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Fun fact: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this basketball god, keeps the team alive! An alley-oop in the closing moments!
Barack Obama with the full-court pressure! This certified GOAT candidate making them uncomfortable!
Wild stands as Barack Obama warms up with some politician moves!
Teyana Taylor with the clutch rebound! This legit talent fighting for every ball!
Teyana Taylor seals the win! Sealed tight, the rapper gets it done!
Kobe Bryant and Teyana Taylor form a tunnel for Jesus Christ to crawl through. Too tall. Gets stuck. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
117-89 (W)
Jesus Christ, this all-around player, is introduced and the arena explodes! This dude out of nowhere is in the building!
Teyana Taylor goes to work through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
Barack Obama, this hall-of-fame lock, walls up in the paint! Impenetrable defense!
This seasoned vet Teyana Taylor zips the pass through! Another dime from this solid build!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar uses the hesitation dribble! Unreal swagger creating separation!
The players leave the court. Barack Obama clings to the tunnel railing. Fun fact: Barack Obama was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Teyana Taylor treats the Spalding like the fiery bars and sinks it. Easy as pie for a rapper!
The jumbotron shows Jesus Christ's messiah highlight reel! What a career!
Jesus Christ feeds the hot hand! Feeding the offense with messiah generosity!
This is the Teyana Taylor game! This established player taking over in the first half!
Jesus Christ wraps up with a double-double! Double duty: their bare hands and the orange!
Barack Obama rips the net off the rim. Kobe Bryant wraps it around his neck like a scarf. I learned that Barack Obama's father was a rapper. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
109-106 (W)
Jesus Christ announces themselves! The messiah has arrived and the building knows it!
This guy with a proven track record Teyana Taylor reads the play and intercepts! Brilliant anticipation!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this generational talent, fumbles the finish from way beyond the arc! Back to the drawing board!
Kobe Bryant goes coast to coast for a catch-and-shoot triple! This global icon is relentless!
Teyana Taylor dribbles into the right spacing! Unreal swagger and elite court awareness!
Halftime. Barack Obama wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Juicy anecdote: Barack Obama was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Teyana Taylor takes the tough shot and makes it! Tough as spitting the fiery bars!
Barack Obama with the weak-side block! Appearing from nowhere like a politician finding the public policy!
The arena chants for Teyana Taylor during every stoppage! Rapper pride echoes!
Kobe Bryant, this tree of a man, with the clutch euro-step! The building erupts!
That's the game! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar finishes with a monster performance! This absolute legend victorious!
Barack Obama does a handstand. Kobe Bryant holds him by the feet. The crowd holds its breath. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
104-92 (W)
This undisputed superstar Kareem Abdul-Jabbar comes out aggressive! Opens with a hook shot off the pick and roll!
This franchise cornerstone Barack Obama punishes the defense with an off-balance shot in the paint!
Teyana Taylor reads the play and picks off the pass! Transition opportunity!
This absolute legend Kobe Bryant with the one-handed bullet pass! Right on the money!
Barack Obama manipulates the defense! Manipulation worthy of their campaign podium on the public policy!
Back to the locker room. Jesus Christ's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Little scoop: Jesus Christ collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar drains a fadeaway jumper from the low block! Textbook eyes in the back of the head!
This absolute legend Kareem Abdul-Jabbar silences the hostile crowd! A crowd fully behind them shifts!
Kobe Bryant sacrifices the body taking the charge! This first-ballot legend ultimate teammate!
Every messiah in the crowd sees themselves in Jesus Christ's battle with the Wilson!
Kobe Bryant pumps the fist as the buzzer goes! This absolute legend savors the win!
Barack Obama and Teyana Taylor run circles around Kareem Abdul-Jabbar who doesn't move. Zen. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
94-96 (L)
Kobe Bryant, this absolute unit, takes the court! The Playoff atmosphere is electric!
Barack Obama takes off facing the rim with the same confidence they bring to shaping the public policy.
Kobe Bryant loses the screen battle! Injury-prone body around the picks!
Jesus Christ misses badly! Should have aimed like they aim their bare hands at the game!
Kobe Bryant, this long boy, drills the momentum shot! The building believes!
The locker room fills up. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar has already eaten three oranges. They say Kareem Abdul-Jabbar eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
Kobe Bryant launches into a dead end! Tendency to force bad shots in late-game situations!
Jesus Christ vents at their teammates! The messiah who vents about the game!
Teyana Taylor's rapper colleagues watch from the stands, the fiery bars banners held high!
Barack Obama bricks it when it matters! Their campaign podium accuracy went home early!
This household name Kareem Abdul-Jabbar tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. Teyana Taylor puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
107-88 (W)
Jesus Christ huddles with the team! Huddling up, the messiah strategizes!
Barack Obama with the highlight-reel floater! This undisputed superstar owning the moment!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar with the huge crucial offensive board off the pick and roll! This first-ballot legend says no!
Teyana Taylor with the hockey assist! That extra pass, beautiful basketball!
Teyana Taylor adjusts the tempo! Controlling the rhythm like a veteran rapper!
Break time. Barack Obama bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Intel: Barack Obama once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
The technical flair of Jesus Christ recalls their messiah days. A step-back three! Sublime!
This global icon Kareem Abdul-Jabbar has the arena rocking! A hostile crowd off the charts!
Kobe Bryant, this hall-of-fame lock, rotates on defense! Pure God-given talent team commitment!
This basketball god Kareem Abdul-Jabbar digs deep! Finding reserves nobody knew existed!
Jesus Christ signs off with a sky hook! The messiah's final the game of the night!
Jesus Christ and Kobe Bryant pretend to fish Barack Obama out of the crowd. They pull hard. I learned that Jesus Christ's father was a rapper. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
103-95 (W)
This potential GOAT Barack Obama means business! Fast start from the right corner!
This hall-of-fame lock Kareem Abdul-Jabbar finishes with authority! A fadeaway jumper at half court!
This generational talent Barack Obama with the weak-side defensive rebound! Incredible help!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar picks apart the defense! Assist leads to a catch-and-shoot triple!
Jesus Christ communicates the switch! Clear as a messiah's instructions!
Back in the locker room, Teyana Taylor sits down and stares at the ceiling. Fun fact: Teyana Taylor tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
Jesus Christ blows past the leather with flair and hits a devastating dunk! Sensational!
Teyana Taylor, this combo guard, gestures for more noise! The crowd goes nuts!
Kobe Bryant shoots the pick-and-roll to perfection! Chemistry on display!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this tree of a man, carries the weight of the team on those shoulders!
Jesus Christ caps a perfect night! Clean as a messiah on their best day!
Barack Obama drops to his knees and kisses the court. Kobe Bryant pretends to gag. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
99-118 (L)
Teyana Taylor fires up the crowd to open the game! This name that's buzzing starting strong!
A catch-and-shoot triple from Barack Obama goes in and out! Heartbreaking from the right corner!
This well-respected player Teyana Taylor gets pickpocketed at the top of the key! Sloppy handling!
Teyana Taylor, this smooth operator, fouls unnecessarily facing the rim! Ego the size of Texas!
Jesus Christ adds to the total! A messiah who always exceeds expectations!
End of the second quarter. Jesus Christ is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Fun fact: Jesus Christ failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
Teyana Taylor is visibly upset! Upset as a rapper when the fiery bars goes sideways!
Jesus Christ, this tweener, gets the separation but can't finish! Heavy feet!
This potential GOAT Kareem Abdul-Jabbar uses the floater over this big fella coverage! Smart!
Teyana Taylor leans on their knees! Gassed, but the rapper keeps going!
Jesus Christ, this hungry young player, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Barack Obama's lip is trembling. Jesus Christ dodges the cameras by pulling up his hood. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
100-113 (L)
Barack Obama takes the court to palpable tension! The politician with their campaign podium is here!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar fades away but overcooks it! Lack of consistency showing up again!
This up-and-coming baller Teyana Taylor commits the offensive foul! Turnover on the low block!
This household name Kobe Bryant commits the and-one foul! Sometimes predictable game in positioning!
Jesus Christ scores on the putback! Recycling the game is second nature for a messiah!
Both teams head to the locker room. Teyana Taylor wipes her forehead with her jersey. Rumor has it Teyana Taylor has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Jesus Christ storms to the bench! This total unknown is visibly upset!
Jesus Christ air-mails a thunderous slam facing the rim! Way off for this unknown gem!
Kobe Bryant, this oversized freak, uses the jab step to freeze the defender! Crafty!
Kobe Bryant, this 7-footer, laboring up and down! Defense that's basically a suggestion draining the energy!
Barack Obama, this household name, takes the loss hard. Tendency to rush at the wrong moments.
Kobe Bryant has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. Teyana Taylor has aged ten years in forty minutes. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
90-108 (L)
Kobe Bryant takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
This respected competitor Teyana Taylor short-arms a fadeaway jumper facing the rim! Not enough lift!
Kobe Bryant with the backcourt violation! This global icon under too much pressure!
Kobe Bryant gets crossed over! This franchise cornerstone left frozen under the basket!
A half-court heave from Barack Obama! This global icon is putting on a show tonight!
That's a wrap for now. Teyana Taylor dives into the tunnel. Anecdote: Teyana Taylor slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
This name that's buzzing Teyana Taylor shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Barack Obama throws up a clunker! Their campaign podium would weep at that trajectory!
This guy with rings on every finger Kobe Bryant attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
Jesus Christ digs deep! Deep as a messiah digs into the game!
Jesus Christ walks the tunnel in silence! Done for the night, back to messiah life tomorrow!
Teyana Taylor takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Kobe Bryant doesn't drink. Throat too tight. Evening confession: I'm wearing Teyana Taylor's jersey under my shirt. For morale. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
My Team ends the season #7 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
Season Journal
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby!
There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Standing at 218 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face.
The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around.
Attention, things are about to get serious. Actually no, things are about to go completely off the rails. The front office signed Teyana Taylor. The woman is a rapper. Yes, you heard that right. A rapper. On a basketball court. With their hot mic in her gym bag and zero understanding of what a pick-and-roll is. The coach says it's a "bet on raw athleticism" but between us, I'm pretty sure she lost a poker bet. Teyana Taylor had her first practice yesterday and asked if the free throw line was home plate. The teammates are dying laughing, the fans don't know whether to cry or applaud, and the GM was spotted updating her resume on LinkedIn.
Money-wise, this is solid. Not the penthouse but a nice apartment with a view of the playoffs. The team has the means for its moderate ambitions, which is already saying something. There's a go-to scorer, quality role players, and a sixth man who'd start on half the teams in the league. The owner keeps his hand on the wallet but knows when to open it. The danger? Settling for a second-round exit and becoming that team that's "nice but never dangerous." Tonight, they want to prove otherwise.
My Team ends the season #7 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
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