My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇸🇬
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Denver Horse-Track | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | New York Over-Timers | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | My Team | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Good evening everyone and fasten your seatbelts because tonight we are not doing this gently. The arena is already sweating, the DJ cranked the volume so high the hardwood is vibrating, and there's a guy in the third row who painted his chest in the team colors even though it's freezing outside. That's devotion. That's basketball madness. And the franchise rolling in tonight deserves every decibel of this insane atmosphere. They've been through the hell of winless stretches and the ecstasy of Finals appearances, and honestly, nobody ever knows what they're going to pull off. That's what makes this sport so damn beautiful. The team with no name, baby! Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. LeBron James. Just the name sends chills through the building. Standing at 206 cm, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face. I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it. Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: he signed Anthony Davis, his brother-in-law and a politician by trade, on a ten-day contract. The guy showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying their campaign podium and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if Anthony Davis can place a basketball with the same precision he uses for the public policy to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the guy's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench. Financially, this team is operating in another dimension. The salary cap? Never heard of it. The luxury tax? Paid with a smile. The owner sold two of his yachts to fund this roster and he'd do it again tomorrow morning. Every player on this bench earns more in a week than most people do in a year, and not a single one of them is here to ride the pine. This is a team built to win NOW. Not tomorrow, not next season. Tonight.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
93-113 (L)
Luke Kornet, this guy nobody was talking about, embraces the electric crowd! Game on!
Michael Jordan air-mails a catch-and-shoot triple at the top of the key! Way off for this franchise cornerstone!
Michael Jordan, this absolute unit, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted from downtown!
Michael Jordan, this mountain of a man, gets dunked on along the baseline! Poster material!
This newcomer Anthony Davis capitalizes from the right corner! A thunderous slam with iron discipline!
Cut! Halftime. Michael Jordan's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Anecdote of the day: Michael Jordan forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
This dude out of nowhere Anthony Davis throws an elbow in frustration! Heavy feet on full display!
Luke Kornet gets a clean look but defense that's basically a suggestion costs the bucket!
Michael Jordan, this long boy, exploits the mismatch from the right corner! Smart play!
This generational talent Michael Jordan has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
LeBron James walks off in silence. This undisputed superstar gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Luke Kornet stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. LeBron James comes back to get him. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
112-89 (W)
Stephen Curry, this all-around player, announced to huge cheers! Palpable tension!
This player nobody saw coming Luke Kornet does it again! A step-back three with effortless precision!
This certified bucket Stephen Curry anchors the defense along the baseline! Nothing gets through!
Luke Kornet with the touch pass! This unknown gem barely had the ball and found the man!
Anthony Davis executes a suffocating man-to-man defense perfectly! Precision learned as a politician!
Break! Michael Jordan takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. True story: Michael Jordan had his parking spot stolen by Miami Heart-Attack's mascot. Still talks about it. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
This dude out of nowhere Luke Kornet erupts for a pull-up jumper! The floodgates are open!
Luke Kornet, this guy nobody was talking about, plays to the crowd! A boiling cauldron is contagious!
Anthony Davis plays their role perfectly! Role player, role politician with their campaign podium!
LeBron James has found another gear! This once-in-a-lifetime player shifting into overdrive!
It's over! Anthony Davis delivers the goods! This who-is-this-guy player walks off a winner!
LeBron James mimes popping a champagne bottle. Anthony Davis mimes chugging straight from it. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
105-97 (W)
This dark horse Anthony Davis comes out firing! An alley-oop in the first minute!
Stephen Curry explodes and converts! An off-balance shot at the buzzer! Money!
Luke Kornet, this elusive guard, recovers and contests! Never-give-up effort fueled by freakish explosiveness!
Stephen Curry threads the needle! Beautiful assist at half court! Unreal court vision!
LeBron James blows past to the right spot! That dawg mentality off-ball movement!
Back to the locker room. Stephen Curry punches his locker. Anecdote: Stephen Curry threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
A devastating dunk by LeBron James along the baseline! Pure God-given talent in every fiber!
The crowd is on its feet! Immense pressure as LeBron James takes the court!
Luke Kornet attacks the rock with patience! This raw talent trusting the system!
This elite player Stephen Curry plays every possession like the last! Next-level basketball IQ burning bright!
This hidden prospect Luke Kornet seals the deal! Victory with nerves of steel!
Michael Jordan and Luke Kornet share a 30-second hug. Stephen Curry wants in. Gets pushed away. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
113-97 (W)
Anthony Davis steps onto the floor! From shaping the public policy to this, game time!
What a play by Anthony Davis! A step-back three from mid-range! This potential breakout star is cooking!
Stephen Curry shuts the door in transition! That's how you play defense!
Stephen Curry, this world-class player, sets the table back to the basket! Assist master!
Michael Jordan fades away with purpose every possession! This global icon chess master!
First half is done. LeBron James is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Rumor has it LeBron James does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Anthony Davis posts up with the precision of a politician at work. And it's a devastating dunk!
The crowd does the wave for Anthony Davis! Politician pride!
Stephen Curry puts ego aside! The team comes first for this jersey-selling name!
What a journey for Luke Kornet! From the bench to the spotlight! You love to see it!
Stephen Curry takes off off the court victorious! This certified bucket leaves it all out there!
Anthony Davis and Stephen Curry carry Michael Jordan like a trophy across the entire court. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
114-103 (W)
Tip-off! Michael Jordan gets us started! Let's go!
Anthony Davis crosses over facing the rim with the same confidence they bring to shaping the public policy.
Stephen Curry with the chase-down flawless defensive rotation! What athleticism!
LeBron James, this tower, finds the rolling big man! A layup off the assist!
Stephen Curry, this top-tier talent, manipulates the defense with the eyes! A gym-rat work ethic!
Finally a breather. LeBron James has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Fun fact: LeBron James tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Luke Kornet with the smooth floater! This potential breakout star making it look easy!
This basketball god LeBron James turns the hostile crowd into stunned silence!
Anthony Davis, this who-is-this-guy player, picks up the fallen teammate! Silky smooth technique beyond the stats!
Anthony Davis brings blue-collar their campaign podium grit to the floor!
Michael Jordan, this walking skyscraper, carries the team to victory! MVP-level performance!
Anthony Davis runs the full court high-fiving everyone. Luke Kornet follows doing the wave alone. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
105-111 (L)
This once-in-a-lifetime player LeBron James gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Anthony Davis launches from deep and misses! A politician's range doesn't apply here!
Luke Kornet, this miniature missile, gets stripped at half court! Hot head exposed!
Michael Jordan, this 7-footer, can't keep up with the speed! Shaky emotions under pressure exposed!
Luke Kornet buries a double-clutch layup from downtown! This player nobody saw coming is on fire tonight!
Break. LeBron James's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Fun fact: LeBron James tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Luke Kornet, this guy nobody was talking about, refuses to high-five! Sometimes predictable game hurting the chemistry!
Stephen Curry, this world-class player, with a contested and-one that misses in transition!
Michael Jordan, this mountain of a man, sets a brick-wall screen! Ridiculous creativity on full display!
Anthony Davis misses from fatigue! This raw talent can't get the elevation from way beyond the arc!
Michael Jordan, this undisputed superstar, takes the loss hard. Ego the size of Texas at the wrong moments.
Stephen Curry's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Michael Jordan breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. I got a text from Stephen Curry after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
92-110 (L)
LeBron James, this household name, draws first blood! A pull-up jumper to start!
Stephen Curry with a wild attempt! This established star not finding the range tonight!
Anthony Davis loses the damn ball! A politician would never be this careless!
This hall-of-fame lock LeBron James commits the and-one foul! Defense that's basically a suggestion in positioning!
Michael Jordan, this all-time great, absolutely nails a layup from way beyond the arc! Take a bow!
Halftime! Stephen Curry has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Fun fact: Stephen Curry got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
LeBron James crosses over the towel! This all-time great showing shaky emotions under pressure!
Anthony Davis goes to work and fires but misses everything! Ego the size of Texas tonight!
Michael Jordan reads the defense perfectly! Silky smooth technique and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Luke Kornet steps back sluggishly! Tendency to rush catching up with this total unknown!
This bonafide star Stephen Curry shakes hands and moves on. In the end, tendency to force bad shots proved costly.
Stephen Curry scratches the back of his neck nervously. Michael Jordan has the look of someone who has seen things. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
103-92 (W)
Michael Jordan, this first-ballot legend, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
This franchise cornerstone LeBron James punishes the defense with a reverse layup in transition!
Anthony Davis, this tweener, blankets the shooter off the pick and roll! No daylight!
This established star Stephen Curry zips the pass through! Another dime from this combo guard!
Stephen Curry sets the screen at the perfect angle! This top-tier talent cerebral play!
The players head to the locker room. Stephen Curry is sweating like a racehorse. Did you know Stephen Curry keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
LeBron James knocks down a bank shot at the top of the key! Ice in the veins!
Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, gets the standing ovation! A packed arena!
Anthony Davis makes the extra pass! This newcomer hockey assist for a bank shot!
This rising star Luke Kornet proves the critics wrong! A play worth its weight in gold vindication!
Anthony Davis seals the win! Sealed tight, the politician gets it done!
Anthony Davis and Luke Kornet form a tunnel for LeBron James to crawl through. Too tall. Gets stuck. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
100-97 (W)
Stephen Curry opens with a catch-and-shoot triple! This world-class player making an early statement!
This absolute legend LeBron James takes the charge at the buzzer! Gutsy play!
Stephen Curry, this swiss-army-knife type, wastes a golden chance with a wild double-clutch layup!
Anthony Davis takes off and scores! Those politician hands work wonders with the Wilson!
Michael Jordan, this big fella, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! A killer instinct!
Back in the locker room, LeBron James sits down and stares at the ceiling. They say LeBron James has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
Stephen Curry embraces the moment! A finger roll with seconds left on the clock! That's why he's here!
This undisputed superstar Michael Jordan disrupts the play with a timely sky-high block!
The crowd chants Anthony Davis's name! A standing ovation for the politician with their campaign podium!
Michael Jordan, this titan, with the late-game pull-up jumper! Ridiculous creativity shining through!
LeBron James, this potential GOAT, high-fives the bench! A salute to the fans! Team effort!
Stephen Curry launches his shoe into the air. Michael Jordan catches it. Standing ovation. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
98-122 (L)
Game time! Michael Jordan and this undisputed superstar ready to put on a show at the palace of hoops!
Stephen Curry, this solid build, bobbles the Wilson and the chance evaporates facing the rim!
This all-time great LeBron James dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Michael Jordan reacts too late to rotate! Sometimes predictable game on the help side!
This raw talent Luke Kornet with a vintage hook shot! The old magic is still there!
Into the tunnel. Anthony Davis grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Confession: Anthony Davis believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Anthony Davis mutters to himself walking back! This total unknown fighting inner demons!
Anthony Davis, this raw talent, sends the leather wide! The touch is off tonight!
Anthony Davis adapts to the coverage! Adaptive as a politician with the public policy!
Luke Kornet, this player nobody saw coming, is dragging! The this ball game minutes taking their toll!
Luke Kornet rises up to the tunnel in disappointment. This guy nobody was talking about will learn from this.
LeBron James walks like someone carrying the weight of the world. Anthony Davis drags one foot after the other. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
100-109 (L)
And we're underway! LeBron James touches the rock first! This franchise cornerstone looks eager!
An off-balance shot from Luke Kornet sails wide! This raw talent needs to regroup!
Anthony Davis explodes into a trap! Lack of consistency when reading the defense!
Luke Kornet gambles for the steal and pays the price! Heavy feet!
This raw talent Anthony Davis with a beautiful step-back three from the left corner! Poetry in motion!
Break! Michael Jordan grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. True story: Michael Jordan had his parking spot stolen by New York Over-Timers's mascot. Still talks about it. Break's over, the players take their positions.
This newcomer Luke Kornet hangs the head after the miss! Deflated on the low block!
Luke Kornet misses the open look! This who-is-this-guy player can't believe it! Tendency to force bad shots!
Michael Jordan, this mountain of a man, uses the jab step to freeze the defender! Crafty!
Stephen Curry takes off but the legs won't cooperate! Limited stamina catching up!
LeBron James had the chances but couldn't convert. This living legend left wanting.
Luke Kornet shakes Michael Jordan's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
115-108 (W)
This potential breakout star Luke Kornet opens the scoring! A half-court heave! Early advantage!
A hook shot from Luke Kornet! This surprise package is putting on a show tonight!
Anthony Davis with the denial defense! This dude out of nowhere not giving an inch!
This hidden prospect Anthony Davis leads the fast break and dishes! Easy bucket off the assist!
LeBron James slows the pace when the team needs it! This absolute legend tempo control!
Break! LeBron James takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Quick anecdote about LeBron James: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
LeBron James, this big fella, posts up and delivers a pull-up jumper! Textbook!
This basketball god LeBron James gets the crowd into it! A crowd fully behind them at fever pitch!
Michael Jordan penetrates the rock into the right hands! This living legend quarterback!
The stadium knows it! LeBron James is special! This certified GOAT candidate writing legacy!
LeBron James, this mammoth, celebrates the win! A primal scream! What a game!
Stephen Curry does a handstand. Michael Jordan holds him by the feet. The crowd holds its breath. Tonight I learned Stephen Curry used to be a politician before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
98-115 (L)
Luke Kornet, this short king, takes the court! The boiling cauldron is electric!
Michael Jordan with the contested pull-up jumper at the buzzer! No good! Bad selection!
Stephen Curry with the lazy pass! Ego the size of Texas leading to easy points!
Luke Kornet gets burned on the drive! Defense that's basically a suggestion in lateral movement!
Stephen Curry hits a double-clutch layup! Unreal swagger proving to be the difference tonight!
Halftime whistle. Luke Kornet spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. I've been told Luke Kornet always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
Stephen Curry takes off and kicks the stanchion! This jersey-selling name losing composure!
Anthony Davis, this unknown gem, fumbles the finish at the top of the key! Back to the drawing board!
Anthony Davis uses their size out there! The politician has a built-in advantage!
This bonafide star Stephen Curry is a warrior but the body says no! The four quarters of war!
Anthony Davis fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the politician gave everything!
Stephen Curry's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Luke Kornet breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
94-98 (L)
LeBron James rises up with energy from the opening whistle! This franchise cornerstone locked in!
Luke Kornet, this pocket rocket, showcases nerves of steel with a gorgeous bucket!
This bonafide star Stephen Curry gives up the offensive rebound! Injury-prone body when boxing out!
LeBron James penetrates the orange right into the defender's hands! Occasional mental lapses!
Luke Kornet takes the lead! A devastating dunk! The comeback is complete! Unbelievable!
Both teams head in. Stephen Curry has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. They say Stephen Curry has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
Stephen Curry can't hit the go-ahead! Tendency to rush when the lights are brightest!
Anthony Davis drops the head after another miss! Tendency to rush sapping the confidence!
This guy nobody was talking about Anthony Davis is living their best moment right now from way beyond the arc!
Anthony Davis dribbles into trouble! Lost out there like a politician on the wrong floor!
This headliner Stephen Curry stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this headliner wanted.
Stephen Curry stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. Luke Kornet comes back to get him. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
91-134 (L)
This All-Star caliber talent Stephen Curry means business! Fast start back to the basket!
Luke Kornet can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this unknown gem!
Michael Jordan, this oversized freak, gets the ball poked away! Ego the size of Texas when protecting the rock!
LeBron James gives up the back door! Hot head when overplaying!
Stephen Curry rises up angrily after the turnover! This big-name player spiraling!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Stephen Curry picks up the pace. Juicy intel: Stephen Curry turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
Stephen Curry rises up but the shot rims out! Ego the size of Texas rears its ugly head!
This headliner Stephen Curry stumbles! The fatigue is real after the allotted time!
This all-time great LeBron James loses concentration and the pill with it!
Anthony Davis waves off the play! The authority of a politician in that gesture!
Anthony Davis consoles teammates! The heart of a politician in that moment!
Anthony Davis takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Michael Jordan follows the same path. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
My Team ends the season #10 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.
Season journal
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