My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇸🇬
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | New York Over-Timers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Denver Horse-Track | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | My Team | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. The team with no name, baby! Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but Victor Wembanyama is something else entirely. He's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. Standing at 224 cm, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This man feels the game. He knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. He reads passes like he's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery. You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance. Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's Barack Obama. A community organizer in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles their bullhorn better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. Barack Obama has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat the neighborhood and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning. The budget, let's talk about it. Or actually, let's not, because it'll make you dizzy. We're beyond the luxury tax, beyond the second apron, we're in a zone that even the league's tax accountants struggle to calculate. The owner burns cash like others burn firewood, and he doesn't bat an eye. Every season this team doesn't win the title is a financial scandal. The pressure is absolute, the talent is maximal, and the margin for error is zero. Welcome to the world of superteams, where failure isn't an option, it's a public humiliation.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
96-119 (L)
This generational talent Barack Obama comes out firing! A devastating dunk in the first minute!
James Harden, this All-Star caliber talent, pulls the trigger off the pick and roll but no luck!
Barack Obama with the lazy pass! Shaky emotions under pressure leading to easy points!
James Harden reacts too late to rotate! Injury-prone body on the help side!
This guy with a proven track record Victor Wembanyama is automatic in transition! A reverse layup drops again!
First half is done. Stephen Curry is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Exclusive: Stephen Curry was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Victor Wembanyama, this mountain of a man, pounds the scorer's table! Tendency to rush on full display!
Barack Obama misses the bunny! A community organizer dropping the neighborhood from point-blank!
Barack Obama triggers the fast break! Launching the offense with community organizer urgency!
Victor Wembanyama is cramping up! This seasoned vet trying to shake it off! Heavy feet!
Barack Obama gave it everything! Everything a community organizer has, left on the court!
Stephen Curry leaves the court at a jog. Drake stays there, planted at center court, motionless. Evening confession: I'm wearing Stephen Curry's jersey under my shirt. For morale. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
110-90 (W)
James Harden launches onto the floor! The crowd roars for this certified bucket!
Stephen Curry pulls up to the rack for a finger roll! Can't contain this swiss-army-knife type!
Barack Obama anticipates perfectly! A community organizer who always sees it coming!
James Harden, this multi-time All-Star, dishes to the hot hand! Smart basketball!
This top-tier talent Stephen Curry recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
End of the second quarter. Stephen Curry is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Confession: Stephen Curry calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
James Harden goes to work and converts! An and-one at half court! Money!
This reliable star Stephen Curry silences the hostile crowd! A standing ovation shifts!
Drake sprints back on defense! This once-in-a-lifetime player leading by example!
This multi-time All-Star Stephen Curry is living their best moment right now under the basket!
This hooper's hooper Victor Wembanyama thanks the fans! The crowd is on its feet! What a ride!
Stephen Curry and Drake chest bump so hard they each fly back three meters. I learned tonight that Stephen Curry used to be a movie actor. That explains the unique running style. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
103-101 (W)
Drake, this certified GOAT candidate, draws first blood! An off-balance shot to start!
Drake with the suffocating defense! This guy with rings on every finger is a wall out there!
Stephen Curry can't buy a bucket! Another miss under the basket! Frustrating!
Barack Obama with the crafty tear drop! Eyes in the back of the head on display!
This world-class player Stephen Curry sets the back screen! Unreal swagger off-ball contribution!
Break. James Harden's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Exclusive info: James Harden is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
Drake seizes the moment! That movie actor instinct kicking in!
Stephen Curry, this all-around player, swats it into the third row! A surgical steal!
Social media explodes with Barack Obama's their bullhorn highlights! Viral community organizer content!
Drake, this solid build, battles through contact for a euro-step! Will not be denied!
Barack Obama, this absolute legend, embraces the teammates! A hug with the coach! Sweet victory!
Barack Obama and Victor Wembanyama attempt an elaborate handshake. They miss three times. Stephen Curry films the whole thing. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
121-84 (W)
Stephen Curry looks dialed in from the start! Ridiculous creativity preparation showing!
Barack Obama knocks down a two-handed slam in the paint! Ice in the veins!
James Harden with the lob pass from downtown! This jersey-selling name to the teammate! Boom!
Barack Obama rises and fires! Rallying the neighborhood never felt this athletic!
Victor Wembanyama, this big fella, erases the shot at the rim! Rim protector!
Back to the locker room. Barack Obama's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Fun fact: Barack Obama failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
Drake floats one in in transition! Delicate as a movie actor with the script binder!
James Harden, this All-Star caliber talent, still going full throttle! No mercy tonight!
Barack Obama keeps saying 'just like rallying the neighborhood' after every play!
This reliable star James Harden raises the arms in triumph! A salute to the fans! The crowd follows!
Barack Obama seals the win! Sealed tight, the community organizer gets it done!
James Harden does a cartwheel at center court. Drake tries one too and eats it. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
93-116 (L)
Drake gets the starting nod! A movie actor starting with the script binder confidence!
Drake misses the free throw! Portraying the film character under pressure is easier!
Drake, this solid build, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted in transition!
Victor Wembanyama gets caught flat-footed! This hooper's hooper beaten to the spot!
Barack Obama, this all-around player, uses every inch to deliver a free throw!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Victor Wembanyama walks head down toward the tunnel. Anecdote: Victor Wembanyama fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
Stephen Curry slams the leather in frustration! Sometimes predictable game on full display!
Victor Wembanyama forces a pull-up jumper in the paint! This player making noise trying too hard!
This established star Stephen Curry attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
Barack Obama steps back sluggishly! Tendency to rush catching up with this household name!
This guy everybody knows James Harden leaves the hardwood with head held high. Fought to the end.
Stephen Curry clenches his left fist, unclenches, clenches again. Drake fidgets with his wristband nervously. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
107-98 (W)
This certified bucket Stephen Curry comes out aggressive! Opens with an off-balance shot in transition!
Stephen Curry with the smooth buzzer beater! This max-contract guy making it look easy!
James Harden with the chase-down flawless defensive rotation! What athleticism!
Barack Obama directs the offense! Directing traffic with community organizer command!
James Harden explodes the ball out of the trap! Natural-born leadership under pressure!
Halftime. The doctor examines Victor Wembanyama's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Anecdote: Victor Wembanyama once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
James Harden, this mountain of a man, muscles in for a bucket! Pure power!
Victor Wembanyama, this colossus, gestures for more noise! The crowd goes nuts!
Drake, this swiss-army-knife type, repositions on defense! Pure God-given talent collective effort!
Barack Obama, this combo guard, evolves before our eyes! A play worth its weight in gold!
Stephen Curry, this solid build, salutes the faithful! A hug with the coach! What a night!
Stephen Curry and Barack Obama form a tunnel for Drake to crawl through. Too tall. Gets stuck. Evening confession: I'm wearing Stephen Curry's jersey under my shirt. For morale. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
104-110 (L)
Victor Wembanyama, this name that's buzzing, embraces the immense pressure! Game on!
Stephen Curry with a wild attempt! This jersey-selling name not finding the range tonight!
Barack Obama with the backcourt violation! A community organizer going backwards with the neighborhood!
James Harden scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Heavy feet!
Stephen Curry, this established star, drills another alley-oop at the top of the key! Automatic!
Cut! Halftime. Victor Wembanyama's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Did you know Victor Wembanyama once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
Stephen Curry spins and kicks the stanchion! This world-class player losing composure!
Barack Obama pulls up but the shot rims out! Tendency to force bad shots rears its ugly head!
James Harden goes to work to the weak side! This headliner exploiting the rotation!
Stephen Curry, this combo guard, laboring up and down! Tendency to force bad shots draining the energy!
Stephen Curry, this all-around player, trudges off the venue. Lessons to take from this one.
Victor Wembanyama refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. Barack Obama watches it and immediately regrets it. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
119-102 (W)
This certified bucket Stephen Curry gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
A buzzer-beater from Stephen Curry! This reliable star just keeps delivering!
Drake with the defensive masterclass! A movie actor teaching everyone a lesson!
James Harden, this reliable star, manipulates the defense and drops the dime! Insane court vision!
This undisputed superstar Barack Obama recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
End of the first act. Stephen Curry is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Locker room anecdote: Stephen Curry talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Stephen Curry drains a pull-up jumper in transition! Textbook silky smooth technique!
This big-name player Stephen Curry draws the MVP chants! The crowd is on their feet for the star!
Victor Wembanyama, this guy with a proven track record, rotates on defense! Iron discipline team commitment!
This next-level player Victor Wembanyama has that look in the eyes! Watch out! Eyes in the back of the head!
Drake has the last say! Final word from a movie actor about the film character!
Victor Wembanyama and Stephen Curry stare at each other in silence for five seconds. Then burst out laughing at the exact same time. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
102-117 (L)
Stephen Curry, this all-around player, is introduced and the arena explodes! This franchise guy is in the building!
Victor Wembanyama, this mountain of a man, can't finish facing the rim! That one stings!
Victor Wembanyama launches into a dead end at the buzzer! Turnover! Ego the size of Texas!
Victor Wembanyama gambles for the steal and pays the price! Sometimes predictable game!
Drake banks a half-court heave off the glass! Geometry learned from the movie actor life!
Halftime! Victor Wembanyama walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Confession: Victor Wembanyama tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Barack Obama, this do-it-all player, sits down hard on the bench! Lack of consistency written all over his face!
Barack Obama misses! Even a community organizer can't fix that shot!
James Harden, this beanpole, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! Unreal swagger!
This franchise guy James Harden can barely jump! The springs are gone in the paint!
This potential GOAT Barack Obama tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Stephen Curry walks like someone carrying the weight of the world. Drake drags one foot after the other. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
92-114 (L)
Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, sets the tone immediately! A killer instinct from the jump!
This max-contract guy James Harden muscles up an alley-oop but can't get it to fall!
Victor Wembanyama blows past carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Barack Obama, this all-around player, lets the shooter get free at half court! Costly lapse!
Victor Wembanyama, this tree of a man, uses strength and skill for a pull-up jumper! Complete player!
Back to the locker room. Stephen Curry punches his locker. Physio's confession: Stephen Curry purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
Stephen Curry blows past away from the huddle! This elite player in a dark place mentally!
Barack Obama goes to work and fires but misses everything! Limited stamina tonight!
Victor Wembanyama uses the hesitation dribble! Freakish explosiveness creating separation!
This guy with rings on every finger Barack Obama can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
James Harden had the chances but couldn't convert. This max-contract guy left wanting.
Stephen Curry sits on the bench, staring into nothing. Drake has his head in his hands. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
92-101 (L)
Game time! Victor Wembanyama and this next-level player ready to put on a show at the venue!
This dude putting the league on notice Victor Wembanyama shanks a bucket from mid-range! That's uncharacteristic!
Victor Wembanyama, this beanpole, gets the ball poked away! Hot head when protecting the Wilson!
James Harden bites on the pump fake! This franchise guy sent flying in the paint!
Victor Wembanyama fires away through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
End of the second quarter. Stephen Curry is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Fun fact: Stephen Curry tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
James Harden, this elite player, with the frustrated foul! Defense that's basically a suggestion in tough moments!
James Harden gets a clean look but lack of consistency costs the bucket!
Victor Wembanyama reads the defense perfectly! A gym-rat work ethic and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, is drenched in sweat! Emptying the tank!
Victor Wembanyama spins past the media. This up-and-coming baller not in the mood to talk.
James Harden presses his forehead against the tunnel glass. Drake walks right past without noticing. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
99-108 (L)
Stephen Curry opens with a buzzer-beater! This certified bucket making an early statement!
Drake misses the open look! A movie actor never misses the film character... But misses the Wilson!
This bonafide star Stephen Curry commits the 5-second violation! Clock management tendency to rush!
Victor Wembanyama, this beanpole, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over tendency to force bad shots!
Drake converts the and-one! Tough as portraying the film character all day!
Halftime. Drake throws his towel on the floor walking in. Locker room anecdote: Drake talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
This certified bucket Stephen Curry gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Barack Obama can't buy a shot! Wouldn't happen with the neighborhood, a community organizer always hits!
Stephen Curry spins into the right spacing! A killer instinct and elite court awareness!
Barack Obama is gassed! More tired than after a full day of rallying the neighborhood!
Barack Obama, this potential GOAT, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Barack Obama whispers 'this can't be real' under his breath. Victor Wembanyama nods without conviction. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
109-96 (W)
The game begins and Stephen Curry is ready! You can see a gym-rat work ethic written all over his face!
Barack Obama converts at the buzzer! A bank shot with trademark next-level basketball IQ!
Stephen Curry slides to the passing lane and steals it! That dawg mentality!
Stephen Curry, this tweener, finds the trailer! A thunderous slam off the assist, easy money!
This elite player James Harden runs the pick-and-pop to perfection! Tactical mastery!
The players file out. Barack Obama exchanges a tense look with the coach. Little scoop: Barack Obama tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Victor Wembanyama, this absolute unit, dominates at the top of the key and puts up a euro-step! Unstoppable!
Victor Wembanyama steps back in front of the home faithful! Wild stands! Beautiful!
Stephen Curry makes the extra pass! This max-contract guy hockey assist for a step-back three!
This will be talked about for years! James Harden with a two-handed slam! Iconic!
This All-Star caliber talent James Harden wraps up a sensational performance! Victory is sweet!
Barack Obama grabs Victor Wembanyama and hoists him onto his shoulders. James Harden tries to climb on too. It ends in a pile. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
85-128 (L)
Stephen Curry, this max-contract guy, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Drake, this franchise cornerstone, sends the Spalding wide! The touch is off tonight!
Barack Obama throws it out of bounds! Like launching their bullhorn into the void!
Drake left in the dust! Even a movie actor moves faster than that!
This living legend Drake can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Rest time. Victor Wembanyama isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Quick anecdote about Victor Wembanyama: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
A thunderous slam from James Harden hits the iron! Injury-prone body under the spotlight!
James Harden, this bonafide star, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
Victor Wembanyama charges right into the defender! Turnover! Occasional mental lapses when controlling pace!
Stephen Curry storms to the bench! This multi-time All-Star is visibly upset!
Drake walks off in defeat! Even a movie actor's skills couldn't save tonight!
Stephen Curry's face is locked shut, zero emotion. Drake hides his eyes under a towel. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
93-119 (L)
Drake lands the first thunderous slam! First blood! The movie actor strikes first!
That one wasn't even close, Drake! Stick to portraying the film character!
Victor Wembanyama, this beanpole, commits the travel! Defense that's basically a suggestion in the footwork!
Barack Obama gets posterized! A community organizer framed by their bullhorn in the worst way!
Drake pulls up under the basket with the same confidence they bring to portraying the film character.
Halftime. Victor Wembanyama is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Little secret: Victor Wembanyama listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
This absolute legend Barack Obama throws an elbow in frustration! Tendency to rush on full display!
Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, gets the separation but can't finish! Sometimes predictable game!
Drake, this franchise cornerstone, manipulates the defense with the eyes! Insane court vision!
Victor Wembanyama penetrates but the legs won't cooperate! Defense that's basically a suggestion catching up!
James Harden, this beanpole, hangs the head. Tough loss despite scary good handles effort.
Stephen Curry takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Drake follows the same path. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
My Team ends the season #10 with a 6W-9L record. Season MVP: Victor Wembanyama.
Season journal
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