john basketball — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 4 | john basketball | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Denver Horse-Track | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Houston Blast-Off | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Shut the hell up for two seconds and listen to that sound. That low rumble, that murmur of 20,000 people holding their breath at the same time. That's the sound of an arena that knows tonight is going to be something. We're here for a franchise that's in the DNA of this league, a club with as many banners in the rafters as ghosts in the locker room. Legends have walked this court, careers have been shattered here, and miracles have been born on this very floor. Tonight, we write the next chapter. Ladies and gentlemen... John basketball! Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but LeBron James is something else entirely. He's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. Standing at 206 cm, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This man feels the game. He knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. He reads passes like he's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery. You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance. Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Jesus Christ is on this team. Jesus Christ, who is a messiah and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with bare hands under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world. Now listen up, the owner has pulled out the checkbook and he's willing to eat the luxury tax penalties. We're in the big leagues. Two max contracts, well-paid veterans on every corner. They're all-in. Every extra dollar spent costs them three in taxes, but they don't care: they want to raise that trophy in June and they've got the firepower to back it up.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
87-109 (L)
Tip-off! Stephen Curry gets us started! Let's go!
The rim rejects Jesus Christ! The rim says no! Even a messiah gets rejected sometimes!
Michael Jordan charges right into the defender! Turnover! Defense that's basically a suggestion when controlling pace!
Stephen Curry gets crossed over! This headliner left frozen in the paint!
This big-name player Stephen Curry with a picture-perfect free throw! The crowd goes wild!
Into the tunnel. LeBron James grabs a banana on the way and devours it. The staff told me LeBron James sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
Mark Kerr, this unknown gem, yells at the coaching staff! Tendency to force bad shots causing friction!
Mark Kerr misfires from downtown! Even this who-is-this-guy player has off nights!
Jesus Christ executes the delay! Patient as a messiah waiting for their bare hands results!
Mark Kerr misses from fatigue! This hungry young player can't get the elevation driving to the hoop!
Mark Kerr sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a wrestler after the rosin bag broke!
Michael Jordan kicks his towel across the floor. Stephen Curry has already left for the locker room, alone. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
113-93 (W)
This certified bucket Stephen Curry means business! Fast start back to the basket!
Michael Jordan converts a tough step-back three facing the rim! Skill level: elite!
Mark Kerr plays the passing angle perfectly! Deflection by this rising star!
This undisputed superstar LeBron James turns the corner and finds the open man! Unselfish!
Stephen Curry, this All-Star caliber talent, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
Halftime. Jesus Christ throws his towel on the floor walking in. Locker room intel: Jesus Christ has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
LeBron James, this certified GOAT candidate, unleashes a thunderous slam facing the rim! Bang!
You can cut the tension with a knife! Wild stands as Jesus Christ steps up!
Jesus Christ shoots the rock into the right hands! This global icon quarterback!
Michael Jordan, this tower, evolves before our eyes! A moment of truth!
Jesus Christ grabs the game ball! This guy with rings on every finger earned it tonight!
LeBron James pretends to plant a flag at center court. Michael Jordan stands at attention. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
123-77 (W)
Mark Kerr blows past with energy from the opening whistle! This hungry young player locked in!
Michael Jordan with an incredible finger roll at the buzzer! Standing ovation!
Mark Kerr finds the cutter! Eyes everywhere, classic wrestler awareness!
Michael Jordan knocks down a bucket from the right corner! Ice in the veins!
LeBron James, this 7-footer, recovers and contests! Never-give-up effort fueled by natural-born leadership!
Break. Michael Jordan's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. The staff told me Michael Jordan sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
What a play by Stephen Curry! A two-handed slam driving to the hoop! This jersey-selling name is cooking!
Michael Jordan, this tree of a man, is toying with the opposition back to the basket! Dominant!
Mark Kerr goes to work with the wrong hand! Ambidextrous experiment by this unknown gem!
Michael Jordan high-fives everyone on the bench! A team high-five! The energy is contagious!
Final buzzer! Stephen Curry is the hero! This multi-time All-Star with a game for the ages!
Stephen Curry charges toward the crowd. Michael Jordan catches him just before he dives into the stands. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
112-84 (W)
The den welcomes Mark Kerr! The wrestler with the mat canvas has arrived!
Mark Kerr with a reverse layup in the paint! Slamming the mat canvas in tight spaces!
Stephen Curry picks the pocket of the ball handler! Straight robbery!
Stephen Curry with the skip pass! Assist leads to an open double-clutch layup!
Mark Kerr directs traffic on the venue! Traffic control by a wrestler with the mat canvas!
The players disappear. Jesus Christ has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Fun fact: Jesus Christ got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
Michael Jordan rises up the Wilson beautifully for a pull-up jumper! What touch!
The building is buzzing! Stephen Curry and a Playoff atmosphere creating magic!
Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, repositions on defense! Pure God-given talent collective effort!
Tears in the crowd as Mark Kerr, the humble wrestler, delivers in the dying seconds!
Michael Jordan hugs the coach! This once-in-a-lifetime player with a complete performance!
LeBron James runs to the coach and lifts the coach up. Not thrilled but smiles anyway. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
97-95 (W)
Mark Kerr locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a wrestler who means business!
Mark Kerr locks down their opponent! Tight as a wrestler gripping the rosin bag!
Jesus Christ drives but overcooks it! Limited stamina showing up again!
Jesus Christ goes to work the Spalding into a free throw! Iron discipline shining through!
This franchise cornerstone Jesus Christ switches defensive assignments on the fly! Pure God-given talent!
Break. LeBron James collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. True story: LeBron James walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Phoenix No-Defense. Awkward. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
Stephen Curry wants the ball and delivers! A hook shot in the extra period! Clutch gene!
This living legend LeBron James forces the bad pass! Nerves of steel creating turnovers!
This franchise cornerstone LeBron James gets the crowd into it! An incredible energy at fever pitch!
This first-ballot legend LeBron James puts the dagger in! On the decisive possession a finger roll! It's over!
This living legend Jesus Christ wraps up a sensational performance! Victory is sweet!
Mark Kerr and Michael Jordan slap each other's butts. Stephen Curry declines the invitation. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
120-81 (W)
Mark Kerr lands the first hook shot! First blood! The wrestler strikes first!
This established star Stephen Curry goes to work at the top of the key! A step-back three drops beautifully!
This established star Stephen Curry with the one-handed bullet pass! Right on the money!
LeBron James strings together a deep three from the right corner. Nerves of steel on full display!
Jesus Christ deflects the pass! Redirecting with messiah instincts!
Halftime! Jesus Christ checks his stats on the board and winces. Fun fact: Jesus Christ tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
LeBron James dunks past everyone for a sky hook! This colossus on a mission!
Jesus Christ piles it on! Stacking lengths ahead like it's nothing! The messiah is dominant!
This guy everybody knows Stephen Curry trash talks then immediately misses! Karma!
Michael Jordan pumps the fist! This once-in-a-lifetime player feeling it at the buzzer! A fist pump toward the bench!
Stephen Curry, this big-name player, soaks in the moment! Victory at half court! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench!
Stephen Curry launches his shoe into the air. Michael Jordan catches it. Standing ovation. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
90-111 (L)
Jesus Christ sets the tone early! The messiah came to play tonight!
LeBron James with a wild attempt! This basketball god not finding the range tonight!
This household name LeBron James loses concentration and the orange with it!
Jesus Christ beaten to the spot! Slower than a messiah on a Monday morning!
A finger roll from Stephen Curry! This franchise guy reminding everyone why they're on top!
Finally a breather. Michael Jordan has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. True story: Michael Jordan walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Toronto Border-Patrol. Awkward. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
LeBron James slams the rock in frustration! Heavy feet on full display!
LeBron James with the off-balance catch-and-shoot triple! This undisputed superstar couldn't set the feet!
Michael Jordan reads the defense perfectly! Next-level basketball IQ and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Michael Jordan, this mountain of a man, with tired legs driving to the hoop! Tendency to rush slowing this guy with rings on every finger down!
Jesus Christ leaves the temple of basketball quietly! Quiet as a messiah after the game setback!
Mark Kerr isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Stephen Curry tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
135-89 (W)
Game time! Michael Jordan and this all-time great ready to put on a show at the gymnasium!
Mark Kerr banks a floater off the glass! Geometry learned from the wrestler life!
Michael Jordan, this colossus, runs the offense with night-in night-out consistency! Beautiful passing!
Mark Kerr with the decisive alley-oop! A gym-rat work ethic when it matters most!
Mark Kerr clamps down! Tighter than a wrestler's grip on the rosin bag!
Heading in. LeBron James's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Physio's confession: LeBron James purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
Mark Kerr scores with next-level basketball IQ. A devastating dunk back to the basket! Too smooth!
LeBron James, this basketball god, with the dagger and then some! A bucket!
LeBron James trips over the leather! Even this global icon has those moments!
Mark Kerr throws the finger guns at the crowd! A primal scream after a tear drop!
LeBron James daps up the opponent! Respect from this franchise cornerstone after the battle!
Stephen Curry and Michael Jordan chest bump so hard they each fly back three meters. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
117-79 (W)
LeBron James dribbles onto the floor! The crowd roars for this basketball god!
Michael Jordan pulls up and drills a reverse layup! Can't teach that!
Jesus Christ drops the dime! A messiah with court vision like that? Unreal!
Jesus Christ posts up and fires a catch-and-shoot triple! This solid build lighting it up!
Michael Jordan, this big fella, locks down the attacker! Ridiculous creativity on the defensive end!
Break! Stephen Curry rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. Anecdote: Stephen Curry once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Jesus Christ goes baseline and scores! The game prepared them for this moment!
Michael Jordan, this absolute legend, waves to the crowd early! The outcome settled!
This living legend Jesus Christ argues a call that went in their favor! Wait what?
LeBron James attacks and moonwalks back! A chest bump! It's showtime, baby!
Stephen Curry rises up in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
Jesus Christ cries tears of joy in Stephen Curry's arms. Mark Kerr is also crying but nobody knows why. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
106-102 (W)
Mark Kerr, this combo guard, is introduced and the arena explodes! This newcomer is in the building!
Stephen Curry, this all-around player, clamps down in the clutch! Elite a defensive stop!
Jesus Christ gets blocked! Rejected harder than a messiah's worst day on the job!
LeBron James, this long boy, posts up and delivers a buzzer beater! Textbook!
Jesus Christ, this certified GOAT candidate, times the cut perfectly! Backdoor for a catch-and-shoot triple!
The players disappear. Michael Jordan has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Little secret: Michael Jordan has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Michael Jordan with the dagger layup! This generational talent buries the opposition!
This franchise cornerstone Michael Jordan holds ground in transition! Immovable object!
A Finals-like atmosphere reaches fever pitch as Mark Kerr takes the temple of basketball!
LeBron James, this basketball god, rises to the occasion! A euro-step from the right corner! Huge!
Jesus Christ is named player of the game! The messiah is also the star!
Stephen Curry and Mark Kerr pretend to fish Jesus Christ out of the crowd. They pull hard. Did you know that Jesus Christ practices wrestler on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
107-106 (W)
LeBron James, this once-in-a-lifetime player, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
LeBron James, this long boy, covers ground to get the defensive stop! Wow!
Michael Jordan can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this guy with rings on every finger!
Mark Kerr, this swiss-army-knife type, muscles in for a floater! Pure power!
This player nobody saw coming Mark Kerr attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! LeBron James walks head down toward the tunnel. Anecdote: LeBron James threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
Stephen Curry, this big-name player, draws the foul at the jump ball! Free throws coming!
Michael Jordan pressures the inbound! This first-ballot legend with relentless night-in night-out consistency!
Stephen Curry steps back and the crowd chants the name! Listen to that noise!
This generational talent LeBron James drains the pressure shot! On the final possession! That's a superstar!
LeBron James, this 7-footer, celebrates the win! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench! What a game!
Mark Kerr and Michael Jordan swing LeBron James around by his arms like a carousel. He looks sick. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
92-105 (L)
Mark Kerr steps onto the venue! From slamming the mat canvas to this, game time!
Jesus Christ, this household name, pulls the trigger at half court but no luck!
Jesus Christ with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the game!
Michael Jordan, this absolute unit, gets dunked on under the basket! Poster material!
Michael Jordan with another deep three! You can't stop this man!
Well-deserved break. Stephen Curry looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Confession: Stephen Curry calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Mark Kerr slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a wrestler hits the workbench!
Jesus Christ misses the triple! Three-pointers aren't like triple-checking the game!
This hall-of-fame lock Michael Jordan calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Michael Jordan, this hall-of-fame lock, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
This potential GOAT Michael Jordan congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this potential GOAT.
Michael Jordan hurls his mouthguard into the trash. LeBron James keeps his in, chewing on the frustration. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
94-125 (L)
This franchise cornerstone Michael Jordan comes out firing! A two-handed slam in the first minute!
LeBron James, this giant, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this all-time great!
Sloppy handling by Jesus Christ! Competing the game is done with more finesse!
Jesus Christ loses their assignment! Like losing their bare hands in the workshop!
Mark Kerr scores at will! A free throw from the right corner! This total unknown domination!
Break. Stephen Curry asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Exclusive info: Stephen Curry is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
LeBron James, this beanpole, pounds the scorer's table! Injury-prone body on full display!
Stephen Curry, this all-around player, gets the separation but can't finish! Shaky emotions under pressure!
Jesus Christ identifies the soft spot in the zone! This absolute legend surgical precision!
Stephen Curry blows past sluggishly! Lack of consistency catching up with this elite player!
Jesus Christ vows to come back stronger! Stronger than their bare hands reinforced with the game!
Mark Kerr clenches his left fist, unclenches, clenches again. LeBron James fidgets with his wristband nervously. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
102-99 (W)
Michael Jordan takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Mark Kerr steals the ball! Quick hands from slamming the mat canvas all day!
Jesus Christ takes off but the shot rims out! Ego the size of Texas rears its ugly head!
Mark Kerr finishes with style! Years of slamming the mat canvas built those hands!
Michael Jordan, this generational talent, manages the clock beautifully in the first quarter!
Intermission. LeBron James dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Did you know? LeBron James launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Stephen Curry, this guy everybody knows, orchestrates the last possession! A floater! Perfection!
This first-ballot legend Michael Jordan reads the play and intercepts! Brilliant anticipation!
Michael Jordan, this first-ballot legend, feeds off every decibel! Immense pressure is fuel!
Mark Kerr with the go-ahead buzzer-beater! A wrestler taking charge with the rosin bag!
This elite player Stephen Curry is all smiles! The stats back up the brilliance!
LeBron James hits a dab in 2026. Mark Kerr does an ironic dab. Michael Jordan has no idea what that is. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
96-103 (L)
LeBron James, this colossus, takes the court! The crowd fully behind them is electric!
Mark Kerr goes to work and fires but misses everything! Sometimes predictable game tonight!
LeBron James loses the damn ball in traffic! This basketball god can't afford that!
Jesus Christ gets posterized! A messiah framed by their bare hands in the worst way!
A finger roll by Stephen Curry! The crowd erupts! An unmatched feel for the game personified!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, LeBron James picks up the pace. Anecdote: LeBron James slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
LeBron James glares at the scoreboard! This undisputed superstar not happy with the situation!
A fadeaway jumper from Jesus Christ sails wide! This certified GOAT candidate needs to regroup!
LeBron James, this mammoth, exploits the mismatch at the top of the key! Smart play!
Jesus Christ tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like a messiah's energy for the game!
This certified GOAT candidate LeBron James leaves the floor with head held high. Fought to the end.
Jesus Christ walks like someone carrying the weight of the world. Stephen Curry drags one foot after the other. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
john basketball ends the season #4 with a 10W-5L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.
Season Journal
Shut the hell up for two seconds and listen to that sound. That low rumble, that murmur of 20,000 people holding their breath at the same time. That's the sound of an arena that knows tonight is going to be something. We're here for a franchise that's in the DNA of this league, a club with as many banners in the rafters as ghosts in the locker room. Legends have walked this court, careers have been shattered here, and miracles have been born on this very floor. Tonight, we write the next chapter. Ladies and gentlemen... John basketball!
Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but LeBron James is something else entirely. He's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. Standing at 206 cm, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This man feels the game. He knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. He reads passes like he's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery.
You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance.
Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Jesus Christ is on this team. Jesus Christ, who is a messiah and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with bare hands under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world.
Now listen up, the owner has pulled out the checkbook and he's willing to eat the luxury tax penalties. We're in the big leagues. Two max contracts, well-paid veterans on every corner. They're all-in. Every extra dollar spent costs them three in taxes, but they don't care: they want to raise that trophy in June and they've got the firepower to back it up.
john basketball ends the season #4 with a 10W-5L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.
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