My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · by Grégoire Flye Sainte Marie · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 9 | Phoenix No-Defense | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Miami Heart-Attack | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | My Team | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby! Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for David Hogg! Picture this: the man is massive, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight. His teammate told me something last week that gave me chills. He said: "When he's silent in the locker room before a game, I know we're about to destroy everybody." The man doesn't talk, he executes. He doesn't celebrate, he absorbs. And when the buzzer is approaching and the score is tight, everybody knows. The teammates, the opponents, the refs, the guy selling nachos on the upper deck. Everybody knows the ball is ending up in his hands. And it's ending up in the basket. And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed David Hogg. The man. Is. An activist. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. An activist. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got their megaphone and apparently, the technical motion of an activist and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach. Let's talk money. We'll keep it short because there ain't any. The budget is so low that the equipment manager also does the accounting, the post-game spread is leftover Domino's on discount, and the last free agent who toured the facility ran for the hills. But damn it, these guys don't care. They play with the fury of men who have everything to prove and nothing to lose. This is the most dangerous team in the league, not because they're good, but because they don't give a single damn about losing.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
85-129 (L)
Game time! Bob Dylan and this global icon ready to put on a show at the court!
This rising star Javonte Williams puts up an alley-oop but it won't fall! Off night!
Intercepted! Bob Dylan's pass snatched right out of the air! A movie actor would never be that careless!
Chesley Sullenberger fouls trying to recover! Desperate as an officer chasing the field platoon!
David Hogg glares at the scoreboard! This player nobody saw coming not happy with the situation!
That's a cut. Joe Biden stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Rumor has it Joe Biden has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Chesley Sullenberger rattles in and out! The field platoon never teases an officer like that!
Javonte Williams, this hungry young player, sucking wind after that sprint! The 4 periods of 12 minutes of battle!
Joe Biden loses the damn ball! A university professor would never be this careless!
Joe Biden mouths off and picks up a T! Defense that's basically a suggestion taking over!
Bob Dylan shakes hands through the pain! A movie actor who respects the script binder and the game!
Joe Biden presses his forehead against the tunnel glass. Chesley Sullenberger walks right past without noticing. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
93-115 (L)
Joe Biden steps onto the arena! From challenging the young scholars to this, game time!
Javonte Williams, this hidden prospect, fumbles the finish from mid-range! Back to the drawing board!
David Hogg, this smooth operator, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted from mid-range!
This potential breakout star Javonte Williams bites on the fake! Beaten from the right corner!
David Hogg, this tweener, uses every inch to deliver a pull-up jumper!
Halftime. The physio pounces on David Hogg to massage his thighs. Little scoop: David Hogg collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Bob Dylan mutters to himself walking back! This hall-of-fame lock fighting inner demons!
Joe Biden gets blocked! Rejected harder than a university professor's worst day on the job!
Javonte Williams, this small but mighty player, sets a brick-wall screen! Silky smooth technique on full display!
David Hogg, this solid build, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
Bob Dylan consoles teammates! The heart of a movie actor in that moment!
Bob Dylan walks in slow motion, arms dangling. Javonte Williams speeds up. Wants it to be over. I learned backstage that Javonte Williams also does university professor on weekends. That explains those reflexes. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
98-112 (L)
And we're underway! Bob Dylan touches the ball first! This generational talent looks eager!
David Hogg, this combo guard, wastes a golden chance with a wild tear drop!
This basketball god Joe Biden with turnover number lengths ahead! Heavy feet is piling up!
Joe Biden can't contain the drive! Challenging the young scholars is more containable!
Bob Dylan, this tweener, muscles in for a thunderous slam! Pure power!
Break! Bob Dylan has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Intel: Bob Dylan asked Orlando Magic-Beans for their energy drink recipe. They refused. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Bob Dylan walks away muttering! Muttering about the film character under their breath!
Joe Biden, this versatile guy, loses the handle and the opportunity! Ego the size of Texas!
Javonte Williams, this pocket rocket, uses the jab step to freeze the defender! Crafty!
Bob Dylan gulps water! As thirsty as a movie actor reaching for the film character!
Joe Biden leaves the court quietly! Quiet as a university professor after the young scholars setback!
Joe Biden walks like someone carrying the weight of the world. Javonte Williams drags one foot after the other. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
103-121 (L)
Joe Biden, this guy with rings on every finger, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
David Hogg can't hit from the right wing! That zone is cursed for this activist!
David Hogg forces the pass! Forcing their megaphone where it doesn't fit!
Chesley Sullenberger gives up the easy bucket! Easier than leading the field platoon!
Chesley Sullenberger, this tweener, rises above and hammers a tear drop!
The locker room. Joe Biden sprawls out full-length on the bench. Fun fact: Joe Biden blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Javonte Williams drops the head after another miss! Lack of consistency sapping the confidence!
This newcomer Javonte Williams muscles up a bucket but can't get it to fall!
Javonte Williams sets the screen at the perfect angle! This diamond in the rough cerebral play!
Bob Dylan finds a second wind! The movie actor engine roars back to life!
Bob Dylan lets fly past the media. This hall-of-fame lock not in the mood to talk.
Javonte Williams stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. Chesley Sullenberger comes back to get him. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
94-107 (L)
Bob Dylan fires up the crowd to open the game! This global icon starting strong!
Chesley Sullenberger misfires from back to the basket! Their command saber calibration needed!
David Hogg explodes carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Javonte Williams overcommits and gets beat! Sometimes predictable game when reading the play!
David Hogg with the step-back devastating dunk! Creating space like an activist with their megaphone!
End of the second quarter. Joe Biden is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Fun fact: Joe Biden tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
Chesley Sullenberger tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the officer will bounce back!
Javonte Williams with a wild attempt! This who-is-this-guy player not finding the range tonight!
David Hogg makes the right read! Saw it coming a mile away, true activist!
David Hogg is running on pure willpower! This player nobody saw coming refusing to quit!
David Hogg tells reporters: 'Tomorrow we rallies better, like the protest march!'
Bob Dylan refuses the coach's embrace. Chesley Sullenberger accepts it but his body is stiff. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
86-131 (L)
The palace of hoops welcomes David Hogg! The activist with the protest march has arrived!
Javonte Williams crosses over the damn ball awkwardly! The touch just isn't there for this surprise package!
Joe Biden with the backcourt violation! This household name under too much pressure!
Javonte Williams gets crossed over! This unknown gem left frozen driving to the hoop!
Bob Dylan steps back away from the huddle! This living legend in a dark place mentally!
End of the first half. Joe Biden is beet red but still standing. Confession: Joe Biden tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
This player making noise Chesley Sullenberger with a rare miss in transition! Even the best stumble!
Javonte Williams is visibly tired! This hungry young player needs a timeout badly!
Chesley Sullenberger trips up in the baseline! An officer never trips at work... Right?
Chesley Sullenberger, this league veteran, barks at the teammate! Tendency to rush taking over!
Joe Biden vows to come back stronger! Stronger than their lecture notes reinforced with the young scholars!
David Hogg claps his hands in frustration. Bob Dylan clenches his jaw so hard you can hear it from here. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
84-123 (L)
Tip-off! Javonte Williams gets us started! Let's go!
Javonte Williams air-mails a hook shot driving to the hoop! Way off for this raw talent!
Turnover by Joe Biden! Challenging the young scholars requires less coordination, clearly!
Javonte Williams bites on the pump fake! This newcomer sent flying at the top of the key!
Bob Dylan storms to the bench! Heated! This movie actor doesn't handle losing well!
Halftime. Chesley Sullenberger glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Anecdote: Chesley Sullenberger once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
David Hogg fires a hook shot from downtown but can't connect! Ego the size of Texas showing!
David Hogg grimaces through the effort! The grimace of an activist finishing the protest march!
Chesley Sullenberger tries to be too fancy and loses the damn ball! Limited stamina in the decision-making!
Chesley Sullenberger kicks the air! The frustration of an officer who knows they can do better!
Joe Biden wipes a tear! A university professor who poured everything into the effort!
Javonte Williams sighs so loudly that the reporters hear it. Bob Dylan winces. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
75-119 (L)
Javonte Williams fires away with energy from the opening whistle! This rising star locked in!
A free throw attempt by Chesley Sullenberger falls short! Injury-prone body in the legs!
Joe Biden dispossessed! Couldn't hold on, not the university professor's finest moment!
Joe Biden turns the head and loses the man! This global icon napping defensively!
Chesley Sullenberger throws their hands up! Like an officer when their command saber breaks!
Halftime! Javonte Williams looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Little scoop: Javonte Williams logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
This first-ballot legend Joe Biden short-arms a pull-up jumper at the buzzer! Not enough lift!
Chesley Sullenberger misses the rotation! Too tired, like an officer too tired for the field platoon!
Chesley Sullenberger, this tweener, fumbles the entry pass in transition!
Joe Biden glares at the Wilson! Like it personally betrayed this university professor!
Bob Dylan walks off in defeat! Even a movie actor's skills couldn't save tonight!
Bob Dylan claps his hands in frustration. Joe Biden clenches his jaw so hard you can hear it from here. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
95-126 (L)
Chesley Sullenberger wins the opening tip! Tipping off with officer energy!
Bob Dylan, this once-in-a-lifetime player, with the shot-clock heave! No good back to the basket!
Stolen from Chesley Sullenberger! An officer who let it slip through their fingers!
David Hogg overcommits! Going all-in like an activist on the protest march, but wrong!
Chesley Sullenberger, this combo guard, showcases pure God-given talent with a gorgeous pull-up jumper!
Halftime whistle. David Hogg has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Locker room intel: David Hogg has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
This respected competitor Chesley Sullenberger throws an elbow in frustration! Tendency to force bad shots on full display!
David Hogg with the contested free throw from mid-range! No good! Bad selection!
David Hogg overloads one side! Loading up with activist strategy!
Joe Biden drags their feet! Heavy as their lecture notes at the end of a shift!
This name that's buzzing Chesley Sullenberger shakes hands and moves on. In the end, heavy feet proved costly.
David Hogg lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Bob Dylan holds his in. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
89-134 (L)
The game begins and Joe Biden is ready! You can see next-level basketball IQ written all over his face!
Joe Biden sends it long! Too much power, not enough finesse from this university professor!
Bob Dylan steps back into a dead end from way beyond the arc! Turnover! Ego the size of Texas!
This living legend Joe Biden fouls reaching in! Occasional mental lapses on defense!
David Hogg buries their face! Hidden from view, the activist can't watch!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Chesley Sullenberger walks head down toward the tunnel. Locker room intel: Chesley Sullenberger has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
This potential breakout star Javonte Williams shanks a bucket off the pick and roll! That's uncharacteristic!
Joe Biden leans on their knees! Gassed, but the university professor keeps going!
This basketball god Joe Biden dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Chesley Sullenberger picks up the second technical! This solid pro ejected! Hot head!
Bob Dylan takes the loss hard! Hard as the film character on a bad movie actor day!
Joe Biden stares at the floor while Bob Dylan mutters something inaudible under his breath. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
109-103 (W)
David Hogg locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of an activist who means business!
The technical flair of David Hogg recalls their activist days. A half-court heave! Sublime!
Joe Biden with the strip! Snatched the leather clean, that's a university professor with quick hands!
Joe Biden drives the damn ball with precision! Assist in the paint! Floor general!
Joe Biden, this tweener, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
Halftime whistle! Javonte Williams slides down against the hallway wall. Little secret: Javonte Williams listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Joe Biden knocks down a reverse layup driving to the hoop! Ice in the veins!
A packed arena as David Hogg nails a devastating dunk! The activist delivers!
Bob Dylan trusts the system! Trust of a movie actor trusting the script binder!
David Hogg, this hidden prospect, delivers a moment of pure grace! Wisdom and poise!
David Hogg exits to a standing ovation! The activist with their megaphone earns it!
Chesley Sullenberger mimes popping a champagne bottle. Joe Biden mimes chugging straight from it. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
73-117 (L)
Chesley Sullenberger, this all-around player, sets the tone immediately! Scary good handles from the jump!
Joe Biden bobbles and misses! Fumbling the damn ball like it's a Monday morning!
Bob Dylan turns it over in the dying seconds! A movie actor dropping the script binder at the worst time!
David Hogg gets back-doored! Didn't see it, like not seeing the protest march behind their megaphone!
David Hogg slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than an activist hits the workbench!
Cut! Halftime. Joe Biden's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Did you know Joe Biden started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Javonte Williams steps back but the shot rims out! Tendency to rush rears its ugly head!
David Hogg cramps up! Muscles tight from their megaphone and the leather double duty!
Bob Dylan with the careless pass! Portraying the film character with more care, please!
Bob Dylan, this tweener, pounds the scorer's table! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display!
David Hogg walks off in silence. This dude out of nowhere gave it all but it wasn't enough.
David Hogg leaves the court at a jog. Bob Dylan stays there, planted at center court, motionless. Tonight I had a revelation: Bob Dylan runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
77-118 (L)
Joe Biden, this versatile guy, is introduced and the arena explodes! This basketball god is in the building!
David Hogg, this do-it-all player, bobbles the Wilson and the chance evaporates from downtown!
Joe Biden throws it away! A pass worse than a university professor tossing the young scholars!
Javonte Williams, this miniature missile, gets dunked on from way beyond the arc! Poster material!
Javonte Williams storms to the bench! This potential breakout star is visibly upset!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Chesley Sullenberger asks for an ice pack. Did you know? Chesley Sullenberger has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
David Hogg shanks it from the left wing! Rallying the protest march uses different muscles!
Javonte Williams, this small but mighty player, looks exhausted from the left corner! The legs are gone!
Bob Dylan throws it into the stands! What was that from this certified GOAT candidate!
Javonte Williams slams the damn ball in frustration! Limited stamina on full display!
David Hogg, this all-around player, trudges off the den. Lessons to take from this one.
Joe Biden whispers 'this can't be real' under his breath. Chesley Sullenberger nods without conviction. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
91-114 (L)
Chesley Sullenberger lands the first free throw! First blood! The officer strikes first!
Javonte Williams, this unknown gem, with a contested finger roll that misses back to the basket!
Javonte Williams coughs up the leather! Limited stamina strikes again at the top of the key!
Joe Biden gets caught flat-footed! This living legend beaten to the spot!
This who-is-this-guy player Javonte Williams with a vintage fadeaway jumper! The old magic is still there!
Halftime. Bob Dylan throws his towel on the floor walking in. Rumor has it Bob Dylan does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Javonte Williams, this low-to-the-ground speedster, shows negative body language! Sometimes predictable game creeping in!
David Hogg clanks it off the rim! That sounded like their megaphone hitting the protest march!
David Hogg counters the press! Problem solved, activist style!
Javonte Williams short-arms the shot from fatigue! This who-is-this-guy player has nothing left!
Bob Dylan fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the movie actor gave everything!
Javonte Williams sits on the bench, staring into nothing. Chesley Sullenberger has his head in his hands. Evening confession: I'm wearing Javonte Williams's jersey under my shirt. For morale. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
81-126 (L)
Bob Dylan sets the tone early! The movie actor came to play tonight!
Joe Biden bricks another one! Building something awful with their lecture notes tonight!
David Hogg dribbles it off their foot! Their megaphone would never betray an activist like that!
Chesley Sullenberger gets blown by! Even an officer couldn't stop that!
David Hogg mouths off at late in the quarter! An activist venting about the protest march!
Break! Bob Dylan heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Did you know Bob Dylan started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
Chesley Sullenberger misfires! The officer's precision with the field platoon is nowhere to be found!
Bob Dylan waves for a timeout! The movie actor needs the film character break!
Chesley Sullenberger double-dribbles! Leading the field platoon doesn't have that rule!
David Hogg looks to the heavens! An activist praying for their megaphone to work!
This living legend Joe Biden stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this living legend wanted.
David Hogg mutters while walking out. Bob Dylan watches from the corner of his eye, worried. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
My Team finishes #16 (1W-14L). Better luck next season! MVP: David Hogg.
Season Journal
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby!
Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for David Hogg! Picture this: the man is massive, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight.
His teammate told me something last week that gave me chills. He said: "When he's silent in the locker room before a game, I know we're about to destroy everybody." The man doesn't talk, he executes. He doesn't celebrate, he absorbs. And when the buzzer is approaching and the score is tight, everybody knows. The teammates, the opponents, the refs, the guy selling nachos on the upper deck. Everybody knows the ball is ending up in his hands. And it's ending up in the basket.
And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed David Hogg. The man. Is. An activist. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. An activist. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got their megaphone and apparently, the technical motion of an activist and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach.
Let's talk money. We'll keep it short because there ain't any. The budget is so low that the equipment manager also does the accounting, the post-game spread is leftover Domino's on discount, and the last free agent who toured the facility ran for the hills. But damn it, these guys don't care. They play with the fury of men who have everything to prove and nothing to lose. This is the most dangerous team in the league, not because they're good, but because they don't give a single damn about losing.
My Team finishes #16 (1W-14L). Better luck next season! MVP: David Hogg.
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