indian givers — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · by BLAKE ISME · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 15 | indian givers | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Stop. Everybody shut up. You feel that? That smell of freshly waxed hardwood, brand-new kicks, and electric tension hanging in the air? That's the smell of a night that's going down in the history books. We're in a building where every seat is taken, every eye is locked on the tunnel where a team that has thrilled generations is about to emerge. Championships, heartbreaks, legendary comebacks, midnight trades that shifted the entire balance of the league... This franchise is a damn novel all by itself. And tonight, we're starting the next chapter. Ladies and gentlemen... Indian givers! Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Kratos. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. The man is massive, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly. But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. Attention, things are about to get serious. Actually no, things are about to go completely off the rails. The front office signed Jesus Christ. The man is a messiah. Yes, you heard that right. A messiah. On a basketball court. With bare hands in his gym bag and zero understanding of what a pick-and-roll is. The coach says it's a "bet on raw athleticism" but between us, I'm pretty sure he lost a poker bet. Jesus Christ had his first practice yesterday and asked if the free throw line was home plate. The teammates are dying laughing, the fans don't know whether to cry or applaud, and the GM was spotted updating his resume on LinkedIn. Let's talk money. We'll keep it short because there ain't any. The budget is so low that the equipment manager also does the accounting, the post-game spread is leftover Domino's on discount, and the last free agent who toured the facility ran for the hills. But damn it, these guys don't care. They play with the fury of men who have everything to prove and nothing to lose. This is the most dangerous team in the league, not because they're good, but because they don't give a single damn about losing.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
90-134 (L)
Barack Obama huddles with the team! Huddling up, the community organizer strategizes!
Kratos, this dude putting the league on notice, comes up empty! A free throw off target back to the basket!
Barack Obama with the careless pass! Rallying the neighborhood with more care, please!
Jesus Christ gets screened out! Stuck behind their bare hands like it's a wall!
Kratos, this all-around player, pounds the scorer's table! Defense that's basically a suggestion on full display!
The locker room. Barack Obama sprawls out full-length on the bench. Did you know Barack Obama keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
Joseph Stalin, this compact dynamo, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Shaky emotions under pressure!
Godzilla, this established star, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
Kratos loses the damn ball! A warrior would never be this careless!
Barack Obama, this absolute legend, barks at the teammate! Defense that's basically a suggestion taking over!
Barack Obama leaves the palace of hoops quietly! Quiet as a community organizer after the neighborhood setback!
Joseph Stalin sighs so loudly that the reporters hear it. Barack Obama winces. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
104-100 (W)
Joseph Stalin starts in the sixth man! Playing the sixth man the way a revolutionary plays with their bare hands!
Barack Obama, this hall-of-fame lock, bodied up and forced the turnover! Physical defense!
Barack Obama sends it wide! Their bullhorn wouldn't forgive that either!
Joseph Stalin applies the same technique to the Wilson as to the game. A two-handed slam under the basket!
Barack Obama spaces the floor! Making room out there like a community organizer clears the workspace!
Halftime whistle. Jesus Christ has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. I've been told Jesus Christ always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Jesus Christ, this dude out of nowhere, with the cold-blooded reverse layup in the paint!
Kratos anticipates perfectly! A warrior who always sees it coming!
Social media explodes with Barack Obama's their bullhorn highlights! Viral community organizer content!
This respected competitor Kratos with the monster clutch steal on the inbound pass! Saved the game!
Godzilla hugs the coach! This world-class player with a complete performance!
Godzilla rips off his jersey and launches it into the crowd. Jesus Christ does the same. The coach rolls his eyes. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Jesus Christ. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
116-105 (W)
This big-name player Godzilla comes out firing! A euro-step in the first minute!
Barack Obama with the tough half-court heave through contact! This global icon won't be denied!
Kratos with the rejection! Get that out of here! Warrior says no!
Kratos, this solid build, delivers the entry pass! Beautiful feed into the post!
Godzilla drives the ball out of the trap! Next-level basketball IQ under pressure!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Barack Obama picks up the pace. Little secret: Barack Obama watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Kratos turns the top of the key into a workshop. A double-clutch layup crafted with the notched blade!
What an incredible energy! Kratos and the fans creating a spectacle!
Barack Obama provides the spark! Electric energy, the community organizer is firing on all cylinders!
The legend of Jesus Christ grows! This unknown gem adding another chapter driving to the hoop!
Kratos pumps the fist as the buzzer goes! This player making noise savors the win!
Godzilla does the robot at center court while Barack Obama pretends to be an airplane. The crowd loves it. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
91-125 (L)
Game time! Joseph Stalin and this household name ready to put on a show at the floor!
Kratos with the ugly miss! The warrior touch is absent tonight!
Godzilla with the errant pass! This multi-time All-Star needs to settle down!
Kratos gives up the back door! Ego the size of Texas when overplaying!
Barack Obama gets a technical for complaining! Hot head on full display!
Halftime whistle. Kratos flops into the first available chair. Fun fact: Kratos got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
Kratos bricks another one! Building something awful with the notched blade tonight!
Barack Obama looks to the bench for relief! Relief like a community organizer relieved of their bullhorn!
This reliable star Godzilla loses concentration and the ball with it!
This jersey-selling name Godzilla hangs the head after the miss! Deflated from way beyond the arc!
This first-ballot legend Joseph Stalin shakes hands and moves on. In the end, shaky emotions under pressure proved costly.
Kratos rips off his headband and throws it on the ground. Godzilla picks up his own and folds it carefully. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
92-129 (L)
Kratos lands the first catch-and-shoot triple! First blood! The warrior strikes first!
Godzilla fires an and-one under the basket but can't connect! Shaky emotions under pressure showing!
Barack Obama coughs up the leather! Tendency to force bad shots strikes again from the right corner!
This potential GOAT Barack Obama gives up the offensive rebound! Defense that's basically a suggestion when boxing out!
Jesus Christ stares in disbelief! The look of a messiah who just lost everything!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Joseph Stalin picks up the pace. Fun fact: Joseph Stalin tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
This guy with rings on every finger Barack Obama shanks an alley-oop driving to the hoop! That's uncharacteristic!
Jesus Christ misses from fatigue! Tired arms from competing the game all week!
Kratos with the backcourt violation! This hooper's hooper under too much pressure!
Kratos, this up-and-coming baller, with the frustrated foul! Lack of consistency in tough moments!
This rising star Jesus Christ congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this rising star.
Godzilla and Joseph Stalin walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
104-120 (L)
Kratos, this player making noise, draws first blood! A catch-and-shoot triple to start!
This potential GOAT Joseph Stalin with a rare miss from the right corner! Even the best stumble!
Joseph Stalin loses the ball in traffic! This household name can't afford that!
Jesus Christ beaten off the dribble! Quicker than the game slipping from a messiah!
Jesus Christ steps back past everyone for a scoop layup! This swiss-army-knife type on a mission!
Time to breathe. Joseph Stalin has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Anecdote: Joseph Stalin tried to impress the Los Angeles Nursing-Home players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With his face. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
Kratos slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a warrior hits the workbench!
Kratos misfires from the right corner! Even this league veteran has off nights!
Joseph Stalin slows the pace when the team needs it! This absolute legend tempo control!
Jesus Christ dishes but can't sustain the effort! Hot head emptying the tank!
Godzilla attacks past the media. This world-class player not in the mood to talk.
Godzilla's lip is trembling. Barack Obama dodges the cameras by pulling up his hood. I learned backstage that Barack Obama also does community organizer on weekends. That explains those reflexes. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
100-112 (L)
Jesus Christ bounces the rock pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
Godzilla misses the open look! This big-name player can't believe it! Tendency to force bad shots!
Barack Obama forces the pass! Forcing their bullhorn where it doesn't fit!
Jesus Christ can't stay in front! Competing the game doesn't build lateral quickness!
Joseph Stalin dishes with the precision of a revolutionary at work. And it's a deep three!
Break! Joseph Stalin heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Little secret: Joseph Stalin listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Barack Obama, this combo guard, shows negative body language! Tendency to force bad shots creeping in!
This all-time great Barack Obama throws up a prayer on the low block! Not answered!
Barack Obama makes the hockey pass! Night-in night-out consistency finding the extra pass!
Godzilla grabs the shorts! This established star is running on fumes!
Barack Obama, this do-it-all player, hangs the head. Tough loss despite iron discipline effort.
Barack Obama stares at the floor while Kratos mutters something inaudible under his breath. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
89-134 (L)
Jesus Christ gets the starting nod! A messiah starting with their bare hands confidence!
Barack Obama launches and misses! The ball isn't the neighborhood, and it shows!
Kratos commits the live-ball turnover! The notched blade would be ashamed!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Barack Obama bites on the fake! Beaten in transition!
Joseph Stalin throws their hands up! Like a revolutionary when their bare hands breaks!
The players file out. Godzilla exchanges a tense look with the coach. Word is Godzilla sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Kratos can't buy a bucket! Another miss on the low block! Frustrating!
Godzilla, this do-it-all player, laboring up and down! Hot head draining the energy!
Stolen from Joseph Stalin! A revolutionary who let it slip through their fingers!
Joseph Stalin storms to the bench! Heated! This revolutionary doesn't handle losing well!
This rising star Jesus Christ tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Godzilla leaves the court at a jog. Kratos stays there, planted at center court, motionless. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
105-112 (L)
Tip-off! Jesus Christ gets us started! Let's go!
Godzilla launches an alley-oop and... Airball! Sometimes predictable game at its peak!
Joseph Stalin dribbles it off their foot! Their bare hands would never betray a revolutionary like that!
Barack Obama loses the screen battle! Hot head around the picks!
Jesus Christ hooks it in! The arc of a messiah swinging their bare hands!
Halftime whistle. Barack Obama spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Little scoop: Barack Obama collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Kratos is visibly upset! Upset as a warrior when the contested ground goes sideways!
Godzilla with the off-balance layup! This max-contract guy couldn't set the feet!
Jesus Christ, this do-it-all player, seals the defender for position! Fundamentals!
Godzilla, this reliable star, is dragging! The four quarters minutes taking their toll!
Barack Obama walks off in defeat! Even a community organizer's skills couldn't save tonight!
Jesus Christ takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Godzilla doesn't drink. Throat too tight. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
99-114 (L)
The game begins and Barack Obama is ready! You can see a killer instinct written all over his face!
Joseph Stalin misses! Even a revolutionary can't fix that shot!
Jesus Christ throws it out of bounds! Like launching their bare hands into the void!
Joseph Stalin gives up the easy bucket! Easier than competing the game!
Kratos pops the jumper! Clean as the notched blade after a polish!
The players disappear. Barack Obama has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Confession: Barack Obama believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
Kratos glares at the scoreboard! This next-level player not happy with the situation!
Jesus Christ rattles it out! Shaking the arena with their bare hands intensity!
Barack Obama, this swiss-army-knife type, exploits the mismatch at half court! Smart play!
Joseph Stalin can barely run! The allotted time harder than the allotted time of competing the game!
Godzilla sits alone on the bench. This top-tier talent processing the defeat.
Kratos taps the tunnel wall as if trying to pass through it. Joseph Stalin walks through the door without pushing it. I learned tonight that Kratos used to be a community organizer. That explains the unique running style. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
81-125 (L)
Kratos, this swiss-army-knife type, is introduced and the arena explodes! This up-and-coming baller is in the building!
Jesus Christ forces an off-balance shot along the baseline! This hungry young player trying too hard!
Jesus Christ throws it away! Lack of consistency under pressure facing the rim!
Jesus Christ gets blown by! Even a messiah couldn't stop that!
Jesus Christ picks up the second technical! This diamond in the rough ejected! Heavy feet!
End of the second quarter. Godzilla is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Little scoop: Godzilla tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
Joseph Stalin, this short king, loses the handle and the opportunity! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
This global icon Joseph Stalin calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Ego the size of Texas taking its toll!
Barack Obama turns it over in the restricted area! Butterfingers from this community organizer!
Jesus Christ can't mask the disappointment! This who-is-this-guy player wearing it on the sleeve!
Joseph Stalin launches to the tunnel in disappointment. This certified GOAT candidate will learn from this.
Jesus Christ bites his lip, fists clenched. Godzilla shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
88-132 (L)
Kratos looks dialed in from the start! A gym-rat work ethic preparation showing!
This global icon Barack Obama puts up a free throw but it won't fall! Off night!
Kratos trips up in the perimeter! A warrior never trips at work... Right?
Jesus Christ gets burned on the switch! Hotter than a messiah's worst day on the job!
Godzilla storms to the bench! This franchise guy is visibly upset!
The players disappear. Kratos has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Intel: Kratos refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Joseph Stalin with the contested free throw on the low block! No good! Bad selection!
Jesus Christ tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like a messiah's energy for the game!
Sloppy handling by Joseph Stalin! Competing the game is done with more finesse!
This bonafide star Godzilla throws an elbow in frustration! Heavy feet on full display!
Kratos refuses to make excuses! A warrior owns the contested ground failures too!
Joseph Stalin's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Godzilla breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. Did you know that Godzilla practices community organizer on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
90-130 (L)
This basketball god Joseph Stalin in the starting lineup! Let's see what this basketball god brings!
An alley-oop from Godzilla sails wide! This big-name player needs to regroup!
Joseph Stalin, this pocket rocket, gets stripped facing the rim! Ego the size of Texas exposed!
This legit talent Kratos fouls reaching in! Shaky emotions under pressure on defense!
Jesus Christ vents at their teammates! The messiah who vents about the game!
Halftime. Joseph Stalin wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Fun fact: Joseph Stalin tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Godzilla forces up an alley-oop over the defense! Defense that's basically a suggestion! Bad decision!
Barack Obama drags their feet! Heavy as their bullhorn at the end of a shift!
Kratos with a wild pass that sails out! This dude putting the league on notice giving it away!
This basketball god Barack Obama gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Godzilla, this All-Star caliber talent, takes the loss hard. Occasional mental lapses at the wrong moments.
Kratos is the last one off the court, shoulders hunched. Jesus Christ waits at the tunnel entrance. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
87-131 (L)
Barack Obama, this swiss-army-knife type, announced to huge cheers! Palpable tension!
Air ball from Kratos! Being a warrior doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
Godzilla with the lazy pass! Tendency to force bad shots leading to easy points!
Jesus Christ, this versatile guy, gets dunked on back to the basket! Poster material!
Godzilla slams the rock in frustration! Heavy feet on full display!
Break! Godzilla rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. Intel: Godzilla asked San Antonio Skyscrapers for their energy drink recipe. They refused. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
Joseph Stalin, this pint-sized baller, can't finish from way beyond the arc! That one stings!
This unknown gem Jesus Christ can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
Godzilla, this do-it-all player, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted from mid-range!
Jesus Christ pounds the scorer's table! Frustrated! The messiah in them is showing!
Joseph Stalin had the chances but couldn't convert. This generational talent left wanting.
Barack Obama shakes Kratos's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Kratos. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
84-129 (L)
Barack Obama opens with a step-back three! This household name making an early statement!
Kratos, this smooth operator, bobbles the ball and the chance evaporates back to the basket!
Kratos coughs it up! A warrior's grip doesn't work on the pill!
Godzilla gambles for the steal and pays the price! Occasional mental lapses!
Joseph Stalin waves off the play! The authority of a revolutionary in that gesture!
Halftime. Kratos glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. I've been told Kratos always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
Kratos can't convert! The warrior's touch with the contested ground deserted them!
Jesus Christ is out on their feet! Running on fumes and pure messiah stubbornness!
Jesus Christ charges right into the defender! Turnover! Tendency to rush when controlling pace!
Jesus Christ argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to competing the game!
Barack Obama hangs their head! A community organizer who gave everything they had!
Barack Obama closes his eyes walking out. Kratos keeps his wide open, fixed, empty. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
indian givers finishes #15 (2W-13L). Better luck next season! MVP: Kratos.
Season Journal
Stop. Everybody shut up. You feel that? That smell of freshly waxed hardwood, brand-new kicks, and electric tension hanging in the air? That's the smell of a night that's going down in the history books. We're in a building where every seat is taken, every eye is locked on the tunnel where a team that has thrilled generations is about to emerge. Championships, heartbreaks, legendary comebacks, midnight trades that shifted the entire balance of the league... This franchise is a damn novel all by itself. And tonight, we're starting the next chapter. Ladies and gentlemen... Indian givers!
Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Kratos. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. The man is massive, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly.
But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it.
Attention, things are about to get serious. Actually no, things are about to go completely off the rails. The front office signed Jesus Christ. The man is a messiah. Yes, you heard that right. A messiah. On a basketball court. With bare hands in his gym bag and zero understanding of what a pick-and-roll is. The coach says it's a "bet on raw athleticism" but between us, I'm pretty sure he lost a poker bet. Jesus Christ had his first practice yesterday and asked if the free throw line was home plate. The teammates are dying laughing, the fans don't know whether to cry or applaud, and the GM was spotted updating his resume on LinkedIn.
Let's talk money. We'll keep it short because there ain't any. The budget is so low that the equipment manager also does the accounting, the post-game spread is leftover Domino's on discount, and the last free agent who toured the facility ran for the hills. But damn it, these guys don't care. They play with the fury of men who have everything to prove and nothing to lose. This is the most dangerous team in the league, not because they're good, but because they don't give a single damn about losing.
indian givers finishes #15 (2W-13L). Better luck next season! MVP: Kratos.
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