My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | My Team | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 6 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 10 | New York Over-Timers | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Phoenix No-Defense | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. The team with no name, baby! Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Bill Russell. Just the name sends chills through the building. Standing at 208 cm, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face. The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around. Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: he signed Jesser, his brother-in-law and a youtuber by trade, on a ten-day contract. The guy showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying their camera and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if Jesser can place a basketball with the same precision he uses for the algorithm to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the guy's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench. The budget? It's "here, take my credit card and go nuts." The owner is a damn billionaire who wants a championship ring the way other people want a yacht. Every position is doubled up, every role player is a former All-Star, and the bench is so deep that the twelfth man on this team would start for half the league. It's an armada, a war machine, and everyone in this building knows that if these guys don't win the title, it's a goddamn scandal.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
88-110 (L)
Draymond Green takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Jesser goes 0 for the quarter! A youtuber having a rough shift with their camera!
Stolen from Jesser! A youtuber who let it slip through their fingers!
Allen Iverson gets crossed over! This established star left frozen driving to the hoop!
Draymond Green with the crafty off-balance shot! Freakish explosiveness on display!
Back in the locker room, Draymond Green sits down and stares at the ceiling. The staff told me Draymond Green sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
Jesser throws their hands up! Like a youtuber when their camera breaks!
Jesser launches a layup and... Airball! Shaky emotions under pressure at its peak!
This guy everybody knows Bill Russell adjusts at halftime and comes out sharp! Adaptation!
This guy with a proven track record Alex English calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Shaky emotions under pressure taking its toll!
This seasoned vet Draymond Green congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this seasoned vet.
Jesser whispers 'this can't be real' under his breath. Allen Iverson nods without conviction. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
117-87 (W)
Alex English looks dialed in from the start! An unmatched feel for the game preparation showing!
This next-level player Alex English with a picture-perfect buzzer-beater! The crowd goes wild!
Allen Iverson slides the feet perfectly and forces a miss! A gym-rat work ethic in every step!
Alex English with the touch pass! This next-level player barely had the damn ball and found the man!
Draymond Green, this 7-footer, seals the defender for position! Fundamentals!
Both teams head to the locker room. Allen Iverson wipes his forehead with his jersey. Juicy intel: Allen Iverson turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
Alex English scores with unreal swagger. A pull-up jumper at half court! Too smooth!
The arena is electric! This guy with a proven track record Draymond Green thriving in a roaring arena!
This top-tier talent Allen Iverson swings the rock around! Unreal swagger ball movement!
Bill Russell, this big-name player, answers every challenge! Pure God-given talent never fading!
This legit talent Draymond Green is all smiles! The stats back up the brilliance!
Draymond Green and Bill Russell do celebratory push-ups. Jesser counts out loud. Definitely cheating. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
125-80 (W)
Draymond Green, this long boy, sets the tone immediately! Silky smooth technique from the jump!
Jesser finishes with style! Years of captivating the algorithm built those hands!
Jesser drops it off underneath! Sneaky as a youtuber slipping the algorithm into place!
Allen Iverson rises up and converts! A deep three from downtown! Money!
This bonafide star Bill Russell reads the play and intercepts! Brilliant anticipation!
The players head in. Jesser slips on the wet tunnel floor. Rumor has it Jesser tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Break's over, the players take their positions.
Jesser knocks it down! Solid as a youtuber with their camera in hand!
Jesser and the garbage time lineup! This rising star can rest easy!
This guy with a proven track record Alex English accidentally dunks on the wrong basket! Confusion!
Draymond Green silences the away crowd! Ice-cold a hug with the coach! Love it!
This player nobody saw coming Jesser raises the arms! The win is in the books! A raised fist!
Jesser drops to his knees and kisses the court. Allen Iverson pretends to gag. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
129-87 (W)
Jesser locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a youtuber who means business!
Bill Russell launches the pill beautifully for a two-handed slam! What touch!
Alex English, this player making noise, sets the table in transition! Assist master!
Allen Iverson, this top-tier talent, drops an off-balance shot from the right corner! Pure artistry!
Bill Russell times it perfectly and rejects the shot! A commanding rebound at the top of the key!
Break! Jesser heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Little scoop: Jesser collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Jesser dishes from downtown with the same confidence they bring to captivating the algorithm.
Allen Iverson, this top-tier talent, wraps it up with a flourish! Total destruction!
Jesser signed an autograph with their camera! One-of-a-kind signature!
Jesser with the emphatic ice-cold stare at the opposing bench! This dark horse letting everyone know!
Jesser hugs the coach! This dude out of nowhere with a complete performance!
Bill Russell and Draymond Green attempt an elaborate handshake. They miss three times. Alex English films the whole thing. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
111-101 (W)
This player making noise Alex English opens the scoring! An off-balance shot! Early advantage!
Draymond Green dishes and fires a step-back three! This oversized freak lighting it up!
Draymond Green with the chase-down crucial offensive board! What athleticism!
This franchise guy Bill Russell with the wraparound pass! How did that get through!
This solid pro Alex English recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
The players disappear. Alex English has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Fun fact: Alex English tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Allen Iverson buries a pull-up jumper at the buzzer! This world-class player is on fire tonight!
You can feel a boiling cauldron through the screen! Bill Russell in the spotlight!
Allen Iverson, this solid build, anchors the second unit! This big-name player versatile contributor!
This big-name player Bill Russell with a performance for the ages! A career-defining moment chapter!
Alex English, this guy with a proven track record, embraces the teammates! A raised fist! Sweet victory!
Draymond Green and Allen Iverson share a 30-second hug. Jesser wants in. Gets pushed away. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
96-121 (L)
Allen Iverson, this franchise guy, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
A buzzer beater by Alex English facing the rim is way off! Tough night for this well-respected player!
Jesser with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the algorithm!
Alex English gambles for the steal and pays the price! Injury-prone body!
This well-respected player Draymond Green punishes the defense with a free throw from downtown!
The players head to the locker room. Jesser is sweating like a racehorse. Fun fact: Jesser failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
Jesser drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a youtuber's spirit has limits!
Draymond Green misses the open look! This respected competitor can't believe it! Heavy feet!
This big-name player Allen Iverson adjusts the angle mid-drive! Eyes in the back of the head body control!
Allen Iverson is running on pure willpower! This franchise guy refusing to quit!
Alex English had the chances but couldn't convert. This name that's buzzing left wanting.
Alex English avoids the cameras like the plague. Draymond Green gets caught. Just says 'we'll be better'. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
118-87 (W)
Tip-off! Allen Iverson gets us started! Let's go!
Jesser applies the same technique to the rock as to the algorithm. A finger roll at the buzzer!
Jesser explodes the rock through traffic! What a pass by this diamond in the rough!
This established star Bill Russell with a cold-blooded fadeaway jumper! No conscience!
Allen Iverson picks the pocket of the ball handler! Straight robbery!
Break. Draymond Green's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Anecdote: Draymond Green lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
This big-name player Bill Russell with a beautiful step-back three along the baseline! Poetry in motion!
Draymond Green steps back without breaking a sweat! This next-level player cruise control!
Draymond Green, this long boy, steps on the teammate's foot! Down goes this up-and-coming baller!
Bill Russell pumps the fist! This jersey-selling name feeling it on the low block! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd!
Draymond Green grabs the game ball! This next-level player earned it tonight!
Jesser points both hands at the sky. Draymond Green points at Jesser. Bill Russell points at the exit. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
132-92 (W)
Allen Iverson, this max-contract guy, embraces the roaring arena! Game on!
Allen Iverson, this combo guard, showcases ridiculous creativity with a gorgeous off-balance shot!
Allen Iverson picks apart the defense! Assist leads to a pull-up jumper!
Alex English with another bucket! You can't stop this man!
Bill Russell, this tower, swats it into the third row! A surgical steal!
Break! Bill Russell takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Word is Bill Russell sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
Draymond Green, this titan, uses strength and skill for a fadeaway jumper! Complete player!
This up-and-coming baller Alex English puts the exclamation point! A half-court heave back to the basket!
Bill Russell accidentally steps on the leather and slides! This world-class player surfing!
This player making noise Draymond Green stares down the bench! A hug with the coach after the big play!
This jersey-selling name Allen Iverson seals the deal! Victory with next-level basketball IQ!
Draymond Green moonwalks across the hardwood. Alex English attempts the worm. One of them pulls it off. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
112-80 (W)
This franchise guy Allen Iverson catches the pill early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Jesser, this versatile guy, posts up and delivers a bank shot! Textbook!
Jesser sets the table! Arranged as neatly as their camera on the algorithm!
Alex English goes to work the Spalding with freakish explosiveness. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
Jesser strips the ball cleanly! Veteran move right there!
Back to the locker room. Bill Russell punches his locker. Did you know? Bill Russell launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
Jesser answers back with a double-clutch layup! Nerves of steel under pressure!
Draymond Green, this beanpole, makes it look like practice! Total domination!
Bill Russell high-fives nobody! This reliable star left hanging in transition! Brutal!
Jesser does the youtuber dance after a fadeaway jumper! The algorithm has never looked this fun!
Allen Iverson, this franchise guy, soaks in the moment! Victory from way beyond the arc! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench!
Alex English throws chalk powder like LeBron. Jesser coughs for two minutes straight. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
98-102 (L)
This jersey-selling name Bill Russell comes out aggressive! Opens with a hook shot under the basket!
Draymond Green catches fire! And it's a pull-up jumper! Eyes in the back of the head taking over!
Jesser gets screened out of the play! This hungry young player lost in traffic!
Draymond Green lets fly the orange into the front rim! That's frustrating for this player on the come-up!
This player on the come-up Alex English rallies the troops! The team feeds off an unmatched feel for the game!
The players leave the court. Alex English clings to the tunnel railing. Did you know Alex English entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
Draymond Green throws it away with the game on the line! Tendency to rush!
Alex English, this titan, throws the hands up! Exasperated from the left corner!
Bill Russell, this headliner, has the crowd in the palm of the hand! A Playoff atmosphere!
Bill Russell turns it over on the decisive possession! This All-Star caliber talent crumbles under pressure!
Draymond Green, this tower, hangs the head. Tough loss despite a gym-rat work ethic effort.
Alex English sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. Jesser puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
99-105 (L)
Bill Russell, this All-Star caliber talent, draws first blood! A two-handed slam to start!
Bill Russell, this elite player, sends the orange wide! The touch is off tonight!
This guy everybody knows Bill Russell gets pickpocketed at the top of the key! Sloppy handling!
This name that's buzzing Alex English can't recover! Scored on from the right corner! Injury-prone body!
Jesser handles the Spalding like their camera. A buzzer-beater from downtown! The precision of a youtuber!
Rest. Jesser buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Confession: Jesser calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Draymond Green, this titan, pounds the scorer's table! Injury-prone body on full display!
This respected competitor Alex English shanks a thunderous slam from mid-range! That's uncharacteristic!
Jesser steps back into the right spacing! Night-in night-out consistency and elite court awareness!
Draymond Green penetrates but the legs won't cooperate! Injury-prone body catching up!
Alex English sits alone on the bench. This well-respected player processing the defeat.
Allen Iverson collapses into the first available chair. Draymond Green stays standing, eyes glazed over. I got a text from Allen Iverson after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
110-95 (W)
Bill Russell drives onto the floor! The crowd roars for this top-tier talent!
Bill Russell knocks down a half-court heave on the low block! Ice in the veins!
This multi-time All-Star Allen Iverson takes the charge at half court! Gutsy play!
Draymond Green reads the defense like a book! Assist from downtown! Silky smooth technique!
Draymond Green, this tree of a man, sets a brick-wall screen! A gym-rat work ethic on full display!
Halftime. Draymond Green is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Anecdote: Draymond Green threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Jesser blows past and it's a scoop layup! This newcomer proving the doubters wrong!
This world-class player Allen Iverson brings an electric crowd to a new level! Incredible scene!
Jesser communicates on the switch! Clear as a youtuber's directions!
Bill Russell pulls up like a player possessed! An off-the-charts basketball IQ unleashed!
Jesser hangs up the jersey! Calling it a night, the youtuber is done!
Allen Iverson and Jesser pound their chests like gorillas. The coach pretends not to know them. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
90-103 (L)
Jesser bounces the Wilson pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
Draymond Green, this long boy, can't finish from the left corner! That one stings!
This dude putting the league on notice Alex English dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Allen Iverson bites on the pump fake! This jersey-selling name sent flying at the buzzer!
Bill Russell pulls up past everyone for a layup! This tower on a mission!
Break. Bill Russell asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Did you know Bill Russell started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Alex English picks up the second technical! This name that's buzzing ejected! Ego the size of Texas!
Draymond Green, this mountain of a man, wastes a golden chance with a wild step-back three!
Draymond Green spaces the floor perfectly! Great read of the system!
Jesser, this diamond in the rough, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
This rising star Jesser stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this rising star wanted.
Jesser sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. Allen Iverson puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
96-107 (L)
Draymond Green fires up the crowd to open the game! This up-and-coming baller starting strong!
A reverse layup from Alex English goes in and out! Heartbreaking off the pick and roll!
This seasoned vet Draymond Green with turnover number points! Limited stamina is piling up!
This bonafide star Allen Iverson gives up the offensive rebound! Defense that's basically a suggestion when boxing out!
Allen Iverson, this versatile guy, glides off the pick and roll for a silky hook shot!
Halftime whistle! Allen Iverson grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. I've been told Allen Iverson always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
Draymond Green blows past away from the huddle! This solid pro in a dark place mentally!
Allen Iverson blows past but overcooks it! Lack of consistency showing up again!
Alex English, this well-respected player, manipulates the defense with the eyes! Natural-born leadership!
Bill Russell, this tower, laboring up and down! Occasional mental lapses draining the energy!
Draymond Green, this name that's buzzing, takes the loss hard. Occasional mental lapses at the wrong moments.
Draymond Green shakes Alex English's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
86-130 (L)
The game begins and Draymond Green is ready! You can see scary good handles written all over his face!
Allen Iverson dishes but the shot rims out! Limited stamina rears its ugly head!
Jesser throws it away! Shaky emotions under pressure under pressure from downtown!
Jesser gets burned on the drive! Shaky emotions under pressure in lateral movement!
Jesser glares at the Spalding! Like it personally betrayed this youtuber!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Draymond Green picks up the pace. Small detail: Draymond Green wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. We're back! The players look fired up.
Bill Russell with a rough thunderous slam at the buzzer! Tendency to force bad shots at the worst time!
Jesser misses from fatigue! Tired arms from captivating the algorithm all week!
Draymond Green penetrates the Spalding right to the defense! Costly mistake by this respected competitor!
Draymond Green spins the towel! This guy with a proven track record showing occasional mental lapses!
Draymond Green, this colossus, trudges off the floor. Lessons to take from this one.
Alex English closes his eyes walking out. Allen Iverson keeps his wide open, fixed, empty. Did you know that Allen Iverson practices youtuber on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
My Team ends the season #5 with a 8W-7L record. Season MVP: Bill Russell.
Season Journal
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. The team with no name, baby!
Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Bill Russell. Just the name sends chills through the building. Standing at 208 cm, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face.
The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around.
Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: he signed Jesser, his brother-in-law and a youtuber by trade, on a ten-day contract. The guy showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying their camera and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if Jesser can place a basketball with the same precision he uses for the algorithm to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the guy's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench.
The budget? It's "here, take my credit card and go nuts." The owner is a damn billionaire who wants a championship ring the way other people want a yacht. Every position is doubled up, every role player is a former All-Star, and the bench is so deep that the twelfth man on this team would start for half the league. It's an armada, a war machine, and everyone in this building knows that if these guys don't win the title, it's a goddamn scandal.
My Team ends the season #5 with a 8W-7L record. Season MVP: Bill Russell.
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