My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | New York Over-Timers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Denver Horse-Track | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | My Team | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. The team with no name, baby! Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Jack Harlow. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. The man is massive, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly. You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance. And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Snoop Dogg. The man. Is. An activist. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. An activist. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got their megaphone and apparently, the technical motion of an activist and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach. Let's talk money. We'll keep it short because there ain't any. The budget is so low that the equipment manager also does the accounting, the post-game spread is leftover Domino's on discount, and the last free agent who toured the facility ran for the hills. But damn it, these guys don't care. They play with the fury of men who have everything to prove and nothing to lose. This is the most dangerous team in the league, not because they're good, but because they don't give a single damn about losing.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
77-121 (L)
Jack Harlow, this combo guard, sets the tone immediately! Natural-born leadership from the jump!
Adam Sandler denied by the basket! Even a film producer can't pry it open!
This dude putting the league on notice Quavo commits the 5-second violation! Clock management injury-prone body!
Quavo gets posterized! A rapper framed by their hot mic in the worst way!
Shams Charania drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a sports journalist's spirit has limits!
End of the first act. Adam Sandler is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Rumor has it Adam Sandler talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Snoop Dogg can't finish! The activist who finishes the protest march can't finish the play!
Adam Sandler tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like a film producer's energy for the risky picture!
This hungry young player Shams Charania dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Jack Harlow, this player on the come-up, yells at the coaching staff! Ego the size of Texas causing friction!
Adam Sandler sits alone on the bench. This once-in-a-lifetime player processing the defeat.
Jack Harlow refuses the coach's embrace. Quavo accepts it but his body is stiff. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
76-114 (L)
Shams Charania fires up the crowd to open the game! This diamond in the rough starting strong!
Quavo misses the open look! This respected competitor can't believe it! Tendency to force bad shots!
Snoop Dogg throws it away! A pass worse than an activist tossing the protest march!
This basketball god Adam Sandler commits the and-one foul! Injury-prone body in positioning!
Jack Harlow argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to spitting the fiery bars!
Back in the locker room, Snoop Dogg sits down and stares at the ceiling. Exclusive info: Snoop Dogg is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
This all-time great Snoop Dogg misfires again! Sometimes predictable game could cost the team!
Snoop Dogg, this global icon, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
Shams Charania coughs up the pill! Sometimes predictable game strikes again from mid-range!
This player nobody saw coming Shams Charania throws an elbow in frustration! Defense that's basically a suggestion on full display!
Jack Harlow looks at the scoreboard one last time! Numbers don't lie for a rapper!
Snoop Dogg's face is locked shut, zero emotion. Jack Harlow hides his eyes under a towel. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
97-116 (L)
Snoop Dogg steps onto the den! From rallying the protest march to this, game time!
Snoop Dogg just barely misses! Close as an activist getting the protest march almost right!
Intercepted! Snoop Dogg's pass snatched right out of the air! An activist would never be that careless!
This diamond in the rough Shams Charania fouls reaching in! Sometimes predictable game on defense!
Quavo cuts and scores! Sharp as their hot mic, this rapper!
Halftime! Adam Sandler has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Little secret: Adam Sandler listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
Adam Sandler vents at their teammates! The film producer who vents about the risky picture!
Quavo off the back iron! Hard miss, even a rapper cringes at that!
Shams Charania reads the defense perfectly! Unreal swagger and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Snoop Dogg, this first-ballot legend, is dragging! The 4 periods of 12 minutes minutes taking their toll!
Quavo shakes hands through the pain! A rapper who respects their hot mic and the game!
Adam Sandler sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. Shams Charania puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
82-109 (L)
Snoop Dogg checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
A tear drop from Adam Sandler goes in and out! Heartbreaking along the baseline!
Shams Charania trips up in the free-throw line! A sports journalist never trips at work... Right?
Adam Sandler, this little firecracker, lets the shooter get free at the top of the key! Costly lapse!
What a shot from Adam Sandler! A film producer bringing their loaded checkbook energy to the gymnasium!
The locker room. Jack Harlow sprawls out full-length on the bench. Anecdote: Jack Harlow tried to impress the Philadelphia Injury-Report players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With his face. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Shams Charania looks to the heavens! A sports journalist praying for the press badge to work!
Jack Harlow dunks the Spalding into nothing! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display tonight!
Snoop Dogg traps with the double! Trapping them, the activist knows how to corner prey!
Jack Harlow needs oxygen! More winded than a rapper after overtime!
This global icon Snoop Dogg congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this global icon.
Jack Harlow and Snoop Dogg walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
84-129 (L)
Jack Harlow fires away into position! This legit talent not wasting any time!
Snoop Dogg posts up the damn ball awkwardly! The touch just isn't there for this living legend!
Snoop Dogg with the careless pass! Rallying the protest march with more care, please!
Shams Charania loses the battle in the paint! Being a sports journalist doesn't help you here!
Jack Harlow glares at the scoreboard! This name that's buzzing not happy with the situation!
The players head in. Quavo slips on the wet tunnel floor. True story: Quavo walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Phoenix No-Defense. Awkward. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
An and-one from Shams Charania sails wide! This guy nobody was talking about needs to regroup!
Snoop Dogg is running on pure willpower! This franchise cornerstone refusing to quit!
Jack Harlow, this swiss-army-knife type, steps out of bounds with the ball! Mental lapse!
Shams Charania, this do-it-all player, pounds the scorer's table! Defense that's basically a suggestion on full display!
Quavo consoles teammates! The heart of a rapper in that moment!
Snoop Dogg walks head down toward the tunnel. Adam Sandler drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
88-132 (L)
Adam Sandler sets the tone early! The film producer came to play tonight!
A catch-and-shoot triple attempt by Jack Harlow falls short! Hot head in the legs!
Jack Harlow posts up into a trap! Occasional mental lapses when reading the defense!
Shams Charania gets posted up and scored on! This potential breakout star overpowered!
Jack Harlow slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a rapper hits the workbench!
The players disappear. Shams Charania has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Juicy anecdote: Shams Charania was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
Snoop Dogg launches and misses! The leather isn't the protest march, and it shows!
Shams Charania is gassed! More tired than after a full day of narrating the game drama!
Stolen from Quavo! A rapper who let it slip through their fingers!
Adam Sandler throws their hands up! Like a film producer when their loaded checkbook breaks!
Adam Sandler vows to come back stronger! Stronger than their loaded checkbook reinforced with the risky picture!
Adam Sandler hurls his water bottle at the wall. Quavo flinches but doesn't react. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
84-111 (L)
Snoop Dogg starts in the scorer! Playing the scorer way an activist plays with their megaphone!
Snoop Dogg misfires again! Having the protest march-shaped night!
Shams Charania loses the Wilson! A sports journalist would never be this careless!
This respected competitor Quavo bites on the fake! Beaten off the pick and roll!
Adam Sandler, this undersized dog, posts up and delivers a deep three! Textbook!
Halftime. Jack Harlow throws his towel on the floor walking in. Rumor has it Jack Harlow talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
Snoop Dogg stares in disbelief! The look of an activist who just lost everything!
Quavo can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this league veteran!
Quavo positions perfectly in half court! Placement of their hot mic on the fiery bars!
Adam Sandler asks for the ball to slow the pace! This certified GOAT candidate needs air!
Adam Sandler, this certified GOAT candidate, takes the loss hard. Occasional mental lapses at the wrong moments.
Adam Sandler's gaze is cold, distant. Jack Harlow's gaze is hot, angry. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
97-109 (L)
This seasoned vet Quavo comes out aggressive! Opens with a bucket in transition!
Adam Sandler misses the open look! A film producer never misses the risky picture... But misses the ball!
Adam Sandler coughs it up! A film producer's grip doesn't work on the orange!
Quavo, this swiss-army-knife type, gets blown by on the perimeter! Lack of consistency in the legs!
Adam Sandler rises up and scores! Those film producer hands work wonders with the rock!
Halftime. Adam Sandler throws his towel on the floor walking in. Did you know Adam Sandler keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Snoop Dogg gets a technical for complaining! Defense that's basically a suggestion on full display!
Jack Harlow, this all-around player, wastes a golden chance with a wild off-balance shot!
Adam Sandler manages the clock! Time management of a film producer who never misses a deadline!
Quavo grimaces through the effort! The grimace of a rapper finishing the fiery bars!
Snoop Dogg wipes a tear! An activist who poured everything into the effort!
Snoop Dogg refuses the coach's embrace. Jack Harlow accepts it but his body is stiff. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
90-122 (L)
Adam Sandler gets the crowd going early! Setting the tone like a film producer on day one!
Snoop Dogg misses! Even an activist can't fix that shot!
Jack Harlow, this all-around player, fumbles the entry pass driving to the hoop!
Adam Sandler gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the risky picture on a rough day!
Snoop Dogg is visibly upset! Upset as an activist when the protest march goes sideways!
Break. Shams Charania asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Did you know? Shams Charania once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
A pull-up jumper from Adam Sandler catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
Jack Harlow cramps up! Muscles tight from their hot mic and the rock double duty!
Quavo with the backcourt violation! This up-and-coming baller under too much pressure!
Shams Charania kicks the air! The frustration of a sports journalist who knows they can do better!
This living legend Adam Sandler shakes hands and moves on. In the end, tendency to force bad shots proved costly.
Quavo walks like someone carrying the weight of the world. Adam Sandler drags one foot after the other. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
80-125 (L)
Jack Harlow, this tweener, takes the court! The wild stands is electric!
Quavo gets the friendly rim but no luck! Even the rapper touch can't save that one!
Turnover by Snoop Dogg! Rallying the protest march requires less coordination, clearly!
Snoop Dogg beaten off the dribble! Quicker than the protest march slipping from an activist!
Jack Harlow steps back angrily after the turnover! This legit talent spiraling!
Halftime. Jack Harlow's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Juicy anecdote: Jack Harlow was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Shams Charania rattles in and out! The game drama never teases a sports journalist like that!
Quavo gulps water! As thirsty as a rapper reaching for the fiery bars!
Snoop Dogg with the lazy pass! Heavy feet leading to easy points!
Snoop Dogg glares at the orange! Like it personally betrayed this activist!
Jack Harlow leaves the palace of hoops quietly! Quiet as a rapper after the fiery bars setback!
Quavo pulls his cap down over his eyes. Jack Harlow doesn't have a cap, and it shows. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
77-122 (L)
Snoop Dogg, this absolute legend, draws first blood! A scoop layup to start!
Shams Charania sends it wide! The press badge wouldn't forgive that either!
Jack Harlow double-dribbles! Spitting the fiery bars doesn't have that rule!
Snoop Dogg gets blown by! Even an activist couldn't stop that!
This undisputed superstar Snoop Dogg stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Halftime. Snoop Dogg's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Did you know? Snoop Dogg launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
Off the mark for Quavo! Great rapper, not so great at basketball tonight!
Adam Sandler drags their feet! Heavy as their loaded checkbook at the end of a shift!
Quavo dribbles it off their foot! Their hot mic would never betray a rapper like that!
Adam Sandler fades away and kicks the stanchion! This first-ballot legend losing composure!
Quavo tips the cap to the winners! The rapper's grace with the fiery bars!
Quavo watches the crowd file out in silence. Shams Charania prefers not to look. Evening confession: I'm wearing Quavo's jersey under my shirt. For morale. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
80-125 (L)
This next-level player Quavo opens the scoring! A bucket! Early advantage!
This hooper's hooper Jack Harlow shanks a fadeaway jumper from mid-range! That's uncharacteristic!
Shams Charania with the travel! Footwork confusion worthy of a lost sports journalist!
Jack Harlow caught flat-footed! Standing still, the rapper reflexes took a nap!
Jack Harlow mouths off and picks up a T! Sometimes predictable game taking over!
The players disappear. Shams Charania has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Confession: Shams Charania calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
Quavo, this tweener, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Tendency to force bad shots!
Shams Charania, this guy nobody was talking about, sucking wind after that sprint! The contest of battle!
Shams Charania, this versatile guy, gets the ball poked away! Tendency to force bad shots when protecting the Wilson!
Snoop Dogg mouths off on the final possession! An activist venting about the protest march!
Quavo walks the tunnel in silence! Done for the night, back to rapper life tomorrow!
Quavo avoids the cameras like the plague. Jack Harlow gets caught. Just says 'we'll be better'. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
84-121 (L)
Quavo wins the opening tip! Tipping off with rapper energy!
Quavo rattles it out! Shaking the court with their hot mic intensity!
Adam Sandler tries to be too fancy and loses the pill! Lack of consistency in the decision-making!
Snoop Dogg, this do-it-all player, fouls unnecessarily on the low block! Sometimes predictable game!
Snoop Dogg, this smooth operator, throws the hands up! Exasperated from the left corner!
Break! Quavo takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Did you know Quavo started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Shams Charania, this dude out of nowhere, with the shot-clock heave! No good in the paint!
Shams Charania can barely run! The contest harder than the contest of narrating the game drama!
Jack Harlow with a wild pass that sails out! This legit talent giving it away!
This rising star Shams Charania slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
This dark horse Shams Charania tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Quavo kicks his towel across the floor. Jack Harlow has already left for the locker room, alone. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
90-135 (L)
This name that's buzzing Jack Harlow comes out firing! A tear drop in the first minute!
Jack Harlow, this dude putting the league on notice, pulls the trigger on the low block but no luck!
Snoop Dogg throws it out of bounds! Like launching their megaphone into the void!
Quavo gives up the easy bucket! Easier than spitting the fiery bars!
Quavo shakes their head! A rapper who can't believe that just happened!
That's a cut. Jack Harlow stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Fun fact: Jack Harlow blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
Jack Harlow puts up a prayer... Unanswered! Not even their hot mic can save that!
Snoop Dogg finds a second wind! The activist engine roars back to life!
This guy with a proven track record Quavo loses concentration and the pill with it!
Adam Sandler buries their face! Hidden from view, the film producer can't watch!
Jack Harlow walks off in defeat! Even a rapper's skills couldn't save tonight!
Quavo refuses San Antonio Skyscrapers's handshake. Jack Harlow offers a limp one with just his fingertips. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
83-118 (L)
Shams Charania comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the sports journalist means business!
Jack Harlow bricks another one! Building something awful with their hot mic tonight!
Jack Harlow passes to nobody! This player on the come-up with a head-scratching decision!
Quavo left in the dust! Even a rapper moves faster than that!
Adam Sandler drops the head after another miss! Hot head sapping the confidence!
Break time. Snoop Dogg bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. They say Snoop Dogg has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Snoop Dogg misfires under the basket! Even this franchise cornerstone has off nights!
Adam Sandler grabs the shorts! This generational talent is running on fumes!
Quavo commits the live-ball turnover! Their hot mic would be ashamed!
Jack Harlow mutters to himself walking back! This established player fighting inner demons!
Jack Harlow leaves the hardwood with dignity! The dignity of a rapper with their hot mic!
Quavo has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. Jack Harlow has aged ten years in forty minutes. I learned backstage that Jack Harlow also does rapper on weekends. That explains those reflexes. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Jack Harlow.
Season Journal
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. The team with no name, baby!
Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Jack Harlow. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. The man is massive, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly.
You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance.
And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Snoop Dogg. The man. Is. An activist. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. An activist. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got their megaphone and apparently, the technical motion of an activist and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach.
Let's talk money. We'll keep it short because there ain't any. The budget is so low that the equipment manager also does the accounting, the post-game spread is leftover Domino's on discount, and the last free agent who toured the facility ran for the hills. But damn it, these guys don't care. They play with the fury of men who have everything to prove and nothing to lose. This is the most dangerous team in the league, not because they're good, but because they don't give a single damn about losing.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Jack Harlow.
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