My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇵🇭
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 2 | My Team | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Denver Horse-Track | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 8 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 1 | 14 | 2 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. The team with no name, baby! Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Timofey Mozgov. Just the name sends chills through the building. Standing at 216 cm, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face. What kills you about this guy is that he makes basketball look easy. You watch him and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of him is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and he just dropped a step-back in his face like he was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch. The budget is simple: it's not a budget anymore, it's a manifesto. The owner said "I don't give a damn about consequences" and he proved it. We're in financial territory that even Adam Silver didn't anticipate when he wrote the rules. Every extra dollar spent costs five dollars in tax, and guess what, they spend WAY too many extra dollars. The roster is an infernal machine, the bench is a thing of beauty, but the price is zero future. No picks, no possible trades, no plan B. It's the championship or a wall at 200 miles per hour. There is no middle ground.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
112-97 (W)
Josh Hart opens with a scoop layup! This guy with a proven track record making an early statement!
Timofey Mozgov scores at will! A deep three driving to the hoop! This name that's buzzing domination!
Stephen Curry, this solid build, recovers and contests! Never-give-up effort fueled by pure God-given talent!
Dwayne Johnson, this swiss-army-knife type, drops the dime! Night-in night-out consistency passing on display!
This bonafide star Stephen Curry adjusts at halftime and comes out sharp! Adaptation!
The players file out. Stephen Curry exchanges a tense look with the coach. Little secret: Stephen Curry has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
A buzzer-beater from Dwayne Johnson! Another dagger! This franchise cornerstone closing the door!
You can cut the tension with a knife! A packed arena as Mikal Bridges steps up!
Dwayne Johnson dribbles the outlet to the young player! This franchise cornerstone building the future!
This respected competitor Timofey Mozgov flips the script! From struggle to dominance!
Josh Hart, this respected competitor, embraces the teammates! A bench mob celebration! Sweet victory!
Dwayne Johnson and Stephen Curry play rock-paper-scissors to decide who carries the ball. Dwayne Johnson loses. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
119-78 (W)
Dwayne Johnson takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Dwayne Johnson, this versatile guy, muscles in for a layup! Pure power!
Stephen Curry with the transition assist! This guy everybody knows pushing the pace with scary good handles!
A scoop layup by Mikal Bridges back to the basket! Pure God-given talent in every fiber!
Stephen Curry, this solid build, walls off the drive from the left corner! No way through!
Break! Timofey Mozgov takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Anecdote: Timofey Mozgov slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Mikal Bridges penetrates and fires a devastating dunk! This long boy lighting it up!
Josh Hart even the deep bench is scoring! Complete team effort tonight!
Dwayne Johnson does the victory dance at halftime! This franchise cornerstone getting ahead of themselves!
Josh Hart taps the logo on the jersey! A slide across the hardwood! That's pride right there!
It's over! Mikal Bridges delivers the goods! This dude putting the league on notice walks off a winner!
Mikal Bridges pretends to plant a flag at center court. Josh Hart stands at attention. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
122-76 (W)
Timofey Mozgov, this absolute unit, is introduced and the arena explodes! This established player is in the building!
Stephen Curry hits a pull-up jumper! Pure God-given talent proving to be the difference tonight!
Josh Hart spins and finds the trailer for a deep three! Great awareness!
This seasoned vet Mikal Bridges with a beautiful off-balance shot back to the basket! Poetry in motion!
Dwayne Johnson with the denial defense! This guy with rings on every finger not giving an inch!
First half is done. Timofey Mozgov is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Did you know Timofey Mozgov once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Josh Hart, this up-and-coming baller, exploits the mismatch for a euro-step! Too easy!
Dwayne Johnson dunks with confidence! The game is well in hand for this first-ballot legend!
This player making noise Timofey Mozgov calls for the leather but trips over the baseline! Comedy gold!
Dwayne Johnson blows a kiss to the fans! Cool as you like, an ice-cold stare at the opposing bench!
Stephen Curry pumps the fist as the buzzer goes! This All-Star caliber talent savors the win!
Stephen Curry grabs the arena mic and screams. Just a scream. Timofey Mozgov applauds. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
111-80 (W)
The game begins and Timofey Mozgov is ready! You can see insane court vision written all over his face!
Stephen Curry, this jersey-selling name, operates from the right corner with a double-clutch layup! Clinic!
Dwayne Johnson reads the defense like a book! Assist on the low block! Nerves of steel!
Stephen Curry strings together a finger roll in transition. Iron discipline on full display!
Mikal Bridges, this colossus, locks down the attacker! A killer instinct on the defensive end!
That's a wrap for now. Josh Hart dives into the tunnel. Locker room intel: Josh Hart has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Dwayne Johnson explodes the Spalding beautifully for a two-handed slam! What touch!
This first-ballot legend Dwayne Johnson puts the exclamation point! A layup under the basket!
Mikal Bridges, this guy with a proven track record, slips on a wet spot! Ice skating from the left corner!
Timofey Mozgov drives and celebrates! A salute to the fans at half court! The crowd erupts!
Mikal Bridges, this towering presence, takes the final bow! A fist pump toward the bench! Dominant display!
Timofey Mozgov and Dwayne Johnson attempt an elaborate handshake. They miss three times. Josh Hart films the whole thing. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
128-88 (W)
Timofey Mozgov, this guy with a proven track record, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Dwayne Johnson with an incredible pull-up jumper at the top of the key! Standing ovation!
Josh Hart, this next-level player, sets the table off the pick and roll! Assist master!
Timofey Mozgov, this league veteran, drops a fadeaway jumper from the right corner! Pure artistry!
Timofey Mozgov shuts the door from way beyond the arc! That's how you play defense!
The players leave the court. Timofey Mozgov clings to the tunnel railing. Fun fact: Timofey Mozgov tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, dominates from downtown and puts up a double-clutch layup! Unstoppable!
Josh Hart, this player on the come-up, waves to the crowd early! The outcome settled!
This up-and-coming baller Timofey Mozgov accidentally dunks on the wrong basket! Confusion!
This well-respected player Mikal Bridges waves goodbye to the opponent! A fist pump toward the bench! Savage!
Mikal Bridges daps up the opponent! Respect from this seasoned vet after the battle!
Stephen Curry climbs onto the scorer's table. Mikal Bridges joins him. Security is unsure whether to intervene. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
130-94 (W)
Mikal Bridges drives onto the floor! The crowd roars for this league veteran!
Stephen Curry goes coast to coast for a fadeaway jumper! This bonafide star is relentless!
Mikal Bridges with the no-look pass! This league veteran has eyes in the back of the head!
Mikal Bridges dishes through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
This guy with a proven track record Mikal Bridges with the screen navigation! Gets through and contests!
Halftime. The doctor examines Dwayne Johnson's shoulder while the others catch their breath. I've been told Dwayne Johnson always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Timofey Mozgov, this beanpole, glides in the paint for a silky two-handed slam!
Mikal Bridges, this beanpole, is toying with the opposition off the pick and roll! Dominant!
This well-respected player Mikal Bridges forgets the play call! Looking at the bench confused!
Stephen Curry, this bonafide star, with the primal scream! A primal scream! Raw emotion!
That's the game! Mikal Bridges finishes with a monster performance! This legit talent victorious!
Timofey Mozgov cries tears of joy in Dwayne Johnson's arms. Josh Hart is also crying but nobody knows why. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
119-90 (W)
Game time! Mikal Bridges and this hooper's hooper ready to put on a show at the gymnasium!
Mikal Bridges with another fadeaway jumper! You can't stop this man!
Mikal Bridges with the help-side perfect contest! This league veteran always in position!
Josh Hart with the lob pass from downtown! This guy with a proven track record to the teammate! Boom!
Timofey Mozgov, this dude putting the league on notice, manages the clock beautifully in the third quarter!
Both teams head to the locker room. Josh Hart wipes his forehead with his jersey. Anecdote: Josh Hart once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
Timofey Mozgov knocks down a step-back three off the pick and roll! Ice in the veins!
The arena is electric! This global icon Dwayne Johnson thriving in a Finals-like atmosphere!
This max-contract guy Stephen Curry motivates the squad in the huddle! Natural leader!
Stephen Curry penetrates into the record books! This jersey-selling name making memories!
Stephen Curry drives in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
Mikal Bridges and Stephen Curry play rock-paper-scissors to decide who carries the ball. Mikal Bridges loses. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
109-115 (L)
Timofey Mozgov, this up-and-coming baller, draws first blood! A devastating dunk to start!
This guy with a proven track record Mikal Bridges short-arms a tear drop from the right corner! Not enough lift!
Mikal Bridges with the backcourt violation! This well-respected player under too much pressure!
Josh Hart gets screened out of the play! This well-respected player lost in traffic!
Timofey Mozgov blows past the basketball with iron discipline. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
Heading in. Mikal Bridges's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Locker room anecdote: Mikal Bridges talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Dwayne Johnson dunks angrily after the turnover! This basketball god spiraling!
A tear drop by Mikal Bridges in the paint is way off! Tough night for this respected competitor!
Mikal Bridges, this giant, uses the jab step to freeze the defender! Crafty!
Dwayne Johnson, this absolute legend, sucking wind after that sprint! The 48 regulation minutes of battle!
Mikal Bridges shoots past the media. This solid pro not in the mood to talk.
Josh Hart sits on the floor in the hallway. Mikal Bridges sits down next to him. Nobody speaks. Behind the scenes, I learned Mikal Bridges was also a volunteer firefighter in a past life. You can feel it in the game. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
126-92 (W)
Timofey Mozgov, this beanpole, sets the tone immediately! A gym-rat work ethic from the jump!
A thunderous slam from Josh Hart! This hooper's hooper just keeps delivering!
Dwayne Johnson, this smooth operator, runs the offense with an off-the-charts basketball IQ! Beautiful passing!
Dwayne Johnson converts at the top of the key! A buzzer beater with trademark nerves of steel!
This first-ballot legend Dwayne Johnson with the no-foul contest along the baseline! Clean as a whistle!
Into the tunnel. Dwayne Johnson grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Fun fact: Dwayne Johnson failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
This up-and-coming baller Timofey Mozgov with a picture-perfect free throw! The crowd goes wild!
Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, caps off a dominant performance! Iron discipline from start to finish!
This dude putting the league on notice Josh Hart sits on the damn ball during the timeout! Making themselves at home!
This generational talent Dwayne Johnson holds the follow-through! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench after a scoop layup!
Stephen Curry sits on the bench with a smile! This established star job well done!
Josh Hart grabs Timofey Mozgov and hoists him onto his shoulders. Mikal Bridges tries to climb on too. It ends in a pile. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
99-92 (W)
This global icon Dwayne Johnson catches the pill early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Dwayne Johnson scores in the paint! A bucket with a killer instinct! Brilliant!
This player making noise Timofey Mozgov with a left-handed block in the paint! Intimidating!
Mikal Bridges dribbles into the lane and kicks out! Unreal swagger and great decision-making!
Josh Hart shoots to the weak side! This solid pro exploiting the rotation!
The players file out. Timofey Mozgov exchanges a tense look with the coach. Bus driver's confession: Timofey Mozgov raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
A floater from Timofey Mozgov! This guy with a proven track record reminding everyone why they're on top!
Timofey Mozgov spins and the crowd chants the name! Listen to that noise!
Mikal Bridges sprints back on defense! This dude putting the league on notice leading by example!
This next-level player Josh Hart with a performance for the ages! A sequence that will go viral chapter!
This absolute legend Dwayne Johnson is all smiles! The stats back up the brilliance!
Timofey Mozgov blows a kiss to the camera. Dwayne Johnson blows twelve. Josh Hart blocks the lens. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
110-95 (W)
Mikal Bridges, this beanpole, takes the court! The cathedral silence is electric!
A free throw! Stephen Curry cannot be stopped tonight! This elite player is locked in!
Timofey Mozgov, this solid pro, shuts down the play along the baseline! Lockdown defender!
This dude putting the league on notice Mikal Bridges leads the fast break and dishes! Easy bucket off the assist!
This solid pro Timofey Mozgov recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
Intermission. Stephen Curry dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Did you know Stephen Curry started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
This respected competitor Timofey Mozgov with a cold-blooded and-one! No conscience!
This up-and-coming baller Timofey Mozgov gets the crowd into it! Wild stands at fever pitch!
This multi-time All-Star Stephen Curry dives for the loose ball! An unmatched feel for the game on every play!
Stephen Curry, this max-contract guy, answers every challenge! Iron discipline never fading!
Josh Hart can breathe! The win is secured, it's over!
Mikal Bridges and Timofey Mozgov swing Josh Hart around by his arms like a carousel. He looks sick. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
101-97 (W)
Dwayne Johnson, this do-it-all player, announced to huge cheers! A Playoff atmosphere!
Mikal Bridges anticipates the cut and deflects the leather! This player on the come-up reading minds!
This first-ballot legend Dwayne Johnson misses the mark! A buzzer beater goes begging driving to the hoop!
This dude putting the league on notice Timofey Mozgov converts in the paint! A scoop layup right on cue!
Mikal Bridges reads the defense perfectly! An off-the-charts basketball IQ and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Stephen Curry to massage his thighs. Little secret: Stephen Curry listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
This legit talent Timofey Mozgov with the heroic monster swat! Preserves the lead!
Stephen Curry rotates perfectly for the clutch steal! Unreal swagger on full display!
A roaring arena as Josh Hart, this absolute unit, is introduced! Goosebumps!
Mikal Bridges lets fly past the defender! A buzzer-beater in the clutch! Incredible!
Mikal Bridges walks off the gymnasium victorious! This player making noise owns this moment!
Stephen Curry cries tears of joy in Mikal Bridges's arms. Josh Hart is also crying but nobody knows why. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
89-104 (L)
Dwayne Johnson fires up the crowd to open the game! This absolute legend starting strong!
Mikal Bridges forces a fadeaway jumper from downtown! This guy with a proven track record trying too hard!
Mikal Bridges, this mountain of a man, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted facing the rim!
This guy with a proven track record Timofey Mozgov gives up the offensive rebound! Ego the size of Texas when boxing out!
Stephen Curry scores with iron discipline. A deep three back to the basket! Too smooth!
Halftime. Mikal Bridges wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. True story: Mikal Bridges had his parking spot stolen by Boston Ring-Chasers's mascot. Still talks about it. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
This respected competitor Josh Hart stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Mikal Bridges, this colossus, can't get a pull-up jumper to drop! Cold as ice tonight!
This legit talent Mikal Bridges recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
This top-tier talent Stephen Curry can barely jump! The springs are gone along the baseline!
Stephen Curry, this all-around player, hangs the head. Tough loss despite eyes in the back of the head effort.
Stephen Curry walks in slow motion, arms dangling. Mikal Bridges speeds up. Wants it to be over. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
85-119 (L)
This established star Stephen Curry in the starting lineup! Let's see what this established star brings!
Dwayne Johnson air-mails a pull-up jumper from way beyond the arc! Way off for this guy with rings on every finger!
This up-and-coming baller Josh Hart commits the 5-second violation! Clock management lack of consistency!
Timofey Mozgov, this tree of a man, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over sometimes predictable game!
Timofey Mozgov, this guy with a proven track record, yells at the coaching staff! Sometimes predictable game causing friction!
Halftime. The doctor examines Josh Hart's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Rumor has it Josh Hart talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
Stephen Curry, this tweener, can't finish facing the rim! That one stings!
Timofey Mozgov, this name that's buzzing, is dragging! The contest minutes taking their toll!
Mikal Bridges with the errant pass! This player making noise needs to settle down!
This respected competitor Timofey Mozgov shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Josh Hart, this walking skyscraper, trudges off the palace of hoops. Lessons to take from this one.
Dwayne Johnson kicks his towel across the floor. Josh Hart has already left for the locker room, alone. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
96-95 (W)
Josh Hart, this legit talent, embraces the Playoff atmosphere! Game on!
Mikal Bridges, this name that's buzzing, switches seamlessly and locks up! Unreal swagger shining through!
A pull-up jumper from Timofey Mozgov goes in and out! Heartbreaking off the pick and roll!
Josh Hart pulls up and drills a pull-up jumper! Can't teach that!
This certified GOAT candidate Dwayne Johnson sets the back screen! Night-in night-out consistency off-ball contribution!
Back in the locker room, Josh Hart sits down and stares at the ceiling. Fun fact: Josh Hart tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Josh Hart, this established player, draws the foul at the last second! Free throws coming!
Josh Hart rejects the layup! A drawn charge by this mountain of a man! Get that out!
You can feel a boiling cauldron through the screen! Josh Hart in the spotlight!
Mikal Bridges, this tree of a man, hits the big shot! On a strategic timeout! That's a closer!
This headliner Stephen Curry raises the arms! The win is in the books! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd!
Stephen Curry and Mikal Bridges cradle the game ball like a baby. Dwayne Johnson takes a photo. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
My Team finishes #2, a fantastic season! 12W-3L. Season MVP: Timofey Mozgov.
Season journal
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