epstiddy island and party — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Denver Horse-Track | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | epstiddy island and party | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 9 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 11 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Shut the hell up for two seconds and listen to that sound. That low rumble, that murmur of 20,000 people holding their breath at the same time. That's the sound of an arena that knows tonight is going to be something. We're here for a franchise that's in the DNA of this league, a club with as many banners in the rafters as ghosts in the locker room. Legends have walked this court, careers have been shattered here, and miracles have been born on this very floor. Tonight, we write the next chapter. Ladies and gentlemen... Epstiddy island and party! Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for LeBron James! Picture this: standing at 206 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight. You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance. And here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the cherry on top, the plot twist nobody saw coming: the coach recruited Donald Trump. A film producer. To play professional basketball. I'll repeat for the people in the back: a film producer, with their loaded checkbook, on an NBA hardwood. The guy showed up at his first practice asking where the locker rooms were... And went the wrong way. Twice. But the coach swears on everything holy that Donald Trump has "something." We don't know what exactly, but he has "something." In the meantime, the guy runs around like a headless chicken, confuses the risky picture with the basketball, and has already racked up three technical fouls for trying to negotiate with the referee. The budget is fine, nothing more. This is the team that shops with a list and puts back the name-brand cereal for the store brand. They've got a serviceable roster, a guy or two who can drop 20 on a good night, but beyond that, it's filler. The coach works with what he's got, which ain't much, but he makes it work. This is the team that can beat anyone on a Tuesday night and get demolished on Friday. The textbook definition of "depends on the night."
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
90-134 (L)
Stephen Hawking wins the opening tip! Tipping off with university professor energy!
Jeffrey Epstein with the off-balance free throw! This first-ballot legend couldn't set the feet!
Stephen Hawking throws it out of bounds! Like launching their lecture notes into the void!
This undisputed superstar Jeffrey Epstein can't recover! Scored on off the pick and roll! Tendency to force bad shots!
Donald Trump slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a film producer hits the workbench!
Rest time. Stephen Hawking isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Little scoop: Stephen Hawking tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Stephen Hawking can't buy a bucket! Another miss at the top of the key! Frustrating!
Stephen Hawking calls for the sub! Even a university professor's stamina with their lecture notes has limits!
Donald Trump throws it away! A pass worse than a film producer tossing the risky picture!
Donald Trump gets a technical for complaining! Hot head on full display!
LeBron James walks off in silence. This franchise cornerstone gave it all but it wasn't enough.
LeBron James rips off his headband and throws it on the ground. Stephen Hawking picks up his own and folds it carefully. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
132-87 (W)
Sean Combs announces themselves! The philanthropist has arrived and the building knows it!
LeBron James catches fire! And it's an alley-oop! An off-the-charts basketball IQ taking over!
This all-time great Jeffrey Epstein leads the fast break and dishes! Easy bucket off the assist!
This guy everybody knows Sean Combs with a vintage tear drop! The old magic is still there!
Stephen Hawking, this versatile guy, swats it into the third row! A perfect contest!
Well-deserved break. Sean Combs looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Anecdote: Sean Combs threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
LeBron James, this potential GOAT, knifes through for a scoop layup driving to the hoop! Wow!
Sean Combs, this swiss-army-knife type, is toying with the opposition in transition! Dominant!
Jeffrey Epstein high-fived a teammate with their bare hands still in hand! Ouch!
Sean Combs mimics using their bare hands as a microphone! The philanthropist is the star tonight!
Stephen Hawking is named player of the game! The university professor is also the star!
Donald Trump does the floss while Stephen Hawking spins like a top. Sean Combs just stands there, arms crossed. Cool. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
130-91 (W)
Jeffrey Epstein begins their shift on the palace of hoops! A philanthropist starting the their bare hands shift!
Sean Combs lays it in softly! Touch softer than a philanthropist's hands on the job!
Sean Combs facilitates beautifully! The facilitator who competes the game!
A buzzer beater by Sean Combs under the basket! An unmatched feel for the game in every fiber!
Donald Trump forces the bad shot! Their loaded checkbook intimidation factor!
Break time. Jeffrey Epstein bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Did you know? Jeffrey Epstein once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Sean Combs just treated the basketball way they treat the game. A layup, bang!
Stephen Hawking piles it on! Stacking buckets like it's nothing! The university professor is dominant!
Stephen Hawking, this first-ballot legend, tries to block the shot and fouls the backboard!
This certified GOAT candidate LeBron James raises the arms in triumph! A bench mob celebration! The crowd follows!
LeBron James shoots in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
Jeffrey Epstein improvises an Oscar acceptance speech. Sean Combs plays the imaginary violin. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
107-83 (W)
Stephen Hawking opens with a free throw! This living legend making an early statement!
What a shot from Sean Combs! A philanthropist bringing their bare hands energy to the hardwood!
Sean Combs shuts down the lane! Closed for business, like a philanthropist closing the game!
Sean Combs, this all-around player, hits the cutter perfectly! Nerves of steel right on time!
Donald Trump with the decoy run! Diverting attention, classic film producer misdirection!
Break! Jeffrey Epstein heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Did you know Jeffrey Epstein started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
Donald Trump punishes the defense! A film producer punishing the risky picture with precision!
LeBron James soaks in a roaring arena! This household name living for these moments!
Sean Combs sets the perfect screen! Built like a philanthropist who doesn't skip leg day!
A narrative for the ages: Donald Trump, the film producer who mastered their loaded checkbook and the damn ball!
Sean Combs finishes with a monster stat line! Numbers a philanthropist would be proud of!
Stephen Hawking rips off his jersey and launches it into the crowd. Jeffrey Epstein does the same. The coach rolls his eyes. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
98-102 (L)
Sean Combs fades away into position! This big-name player not wasting any time!
A thunderous slam from Sean Combs along the baseline! That's a statement right there!
LeBron James reacts too late to rotate! Sometimes predictable game on the help side!
Jeffrey Epstein misses the open look! A philanthropist never misses the game... But misses the Spalding!
Jeffrey Epstein with the momentum-shifting finger roll! This guy with rings on every finger turning the tide!
Both teams head in. Donald Trump has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Word is Donald Trump sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Sean Combs turns it over at the last second! This franchise guy crumbles under pressure!
Jeffrey Epstein argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to competing the game!
Donald Trump, this franchise cornerstone, delivers a sequence that will go viral! Wisdom and poise!
Sean Combs misses both free throws! A philanthropist failing the game inspection, twice!
Stephen Hawking leaves the hardwood with dignity! The dignity of a university professor with their lecture notes!
Stephen Hawking stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. LeBron James comes back to get him. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than LeBron James. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
91-103 (L)
Jeffrey Epstein fires away with energy from the opening whistle! This living legend locked in!
That one wasn't even close, Sean Combs! Stick to competing the game!
LeBron James with the lazy pass! Tendency to rush leading to easy points!
Sean Combs gets burned on the drive! Heavy feet in lateral movement!
LeBron James drives past the defense for a thunderous slam! Size advantage from this this 7-footer!
That's a cut. Stephen Hawking stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Anecdote: Stephen Hawking tried to impress the Los Angeles Nursing-Home players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With his face. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Stephen Hawking vents at their teammates! The university professor who vents about the young scholars!
Jeffrey Epstein misfires again! Having the game-shaped night!
Jeffrey Epstein fires away the ball out of the trap! Freakish explosiveness under pressure!
Sean Combs takes the rest play! Even a philanthropist needs a breather!
Sean Combs spins to the tunnel in disappointment. This established star will learn from this.
Stephen Hawking isolates in a corner, back against the wall. LeBron James tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. Tonight I learned Stephen Hawking used to be a philanthropist before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
105-108 (L)
Sean Combs comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the philanthropist means business!
A deep three from Sean Combs! This top-tier talent just keeps delivering!
Jeffrey Epstein gets blown by! Even a philanthropist couldn't stop that!
LeBron James explodes the rock into the front rim! That's frustrating for this once-in-a-lifetime player!
LeBron James shoots and scores! The comeback is on! This global icon believing!
Halftime! Stephen Hawking walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Anecdote: Stephen Hawking threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
This bonafide star Sean Combs dribbles out the clock! Shaky emotions under pressure costing precious seconds!
Stephen Hawking is visibly upset! Upset as a university professor when the young scholars goes sideways!
In the extra period, Donald Trump becomes more than a film producer, they become a hero!
Jeffrey Epstein dribbles into trouble! Lost out there like a philanthropist on the wrong floor!
Jeffrey Epstein sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a philanthropist after their bare hands broke!
Donald Trump stares at his hands like he doesn't recognize them. Stephen Hawking exhales. Again. And again. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
103-95 (W)
Jeffrey Epstein takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Donald Trump buries a bank shot from the right corner! This basketball god is on fire tonight!
Sean Combs with the help-side charge taken! This headliner always in position!
Sean Combs with the alley-oop pass! This combo guard throws it up, teammate throws it down!
Sean Combs counters the press! Problem solved, philanthropist style!
Break. Donald Trump asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Exclusive info: Donald Trump is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Jeffrey Epstein converts at the buzzer! A philanthropist converting the game into gold!
Donald Trump salutes the fans! Saluting the crowd, the film producer signs off in style!
Jeffrey Epstein glues the team together! Team-first mentality, pure philanthropist instinct!
The announcers share Jeffrey Epstein's philanthropist story,competing the game since age 16!
Stephen Hawking carries the team to victory! Strong as a university professor on a Monday morning!
Sean Combs and Stephen Hawking swing Jeffrey Epstein around by his arms like a carousel. He looks sick. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
117-106 (W)
Sean Combs locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a philanthropist who means business!
Sean Combs with the step-back deep three! Creating space like a philanthropist with their bare hands!
Stephen Hawking forces the turnover! Pressuring like challenging the young scholars under deadline!
This generational talent LeBron James with the one-handed bullet pass! Right on the money!
LeBron James slows the pace when the team needs it! This guy with rings on every finger tempo control!
Off to the locker room. Jeffrey Epstein has already drained two water bottles. Did you know Jeffrey Epstein keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
What a play by Jeffrey Epstein! A pull-up jumper driving to the hoop! This once-in-a-lifetime player is cooking!
This guy with rings on every finger Donald Trump gets the crowd into it! An incredible energy at fever pitch!
Donald Trump barks out defensive calls! The voice of their loaded checkbook echoes across the field house!
Sean Combs, this versatile guy, embodies the spirit of competition! What a show!
LeBron James rises up to the crowd! A team high-five! This potential GOAT gave everything!
Stephen Hawking and Sean Combs lap the court arm in arm, singing. Off-key. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
79-112 (L)
Stephen Hawking, this hall-of-fame lock, draws first blood! A thunderous slam to start!
Stephen Hawking misses the layup! Even the young scholars would have gone in easier!
This potential GOAT LeBron James with turnover number lengths ahead! Ego the size of Texas is piling up!
This certified GOAT candidate Stephen Hawking picks up the cheap foul! Tendency to force bad shots showing!
This certified bucket Sean Combs fouls hard out of frustration! Heavy feet showing!
Finally a breather. Jeffrey Epstein has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Staff confession: Jeffrey Epstein is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
Jeffrey Epstein, this solid build, bobbles the pill and the chance evaporates on the low block!
Sean Combs grabs the shorts! This All-Star caliber talent is running on fumes!
Stephen Hawking loses the rock! A university professor would never be this careless!
Donald Trump throws their hands up! Like a film producer when their loaded checkbook breaks!
Donald Trump walks the tunnel in silence! Done for the night, back to film producer life tomorrow!
LeBron James takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Donald Trump doesn't drink. Throat too tight. Tonight I had a revelation: Donald Trump runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
90-106 (L)
This first-ballot legend Donald Trump opens the scoring! An alley-oop! Early advantage!
LeBron James, this 7-footer, gets the separation but can't finish! Hot head!
Stephen Hawking, this all-around player, fumbles the entry pass at half court!
Jeffrey Epstein scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Tendency to force bad shots!
Donald Trump pours it in! A film producer who never wastes anything never wastes a shot!
Halftime whistle. Sean Combs spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Rumor has it Sean Combs talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
Stephen Hawking walks away muttering! Muttering about the young scholars under their breath!
Sean Combs shoots an air ball in an incredible energy! A philanthropist lost in the noise!
Stephen Hawking, this guy with rings on every finger, orchestrates the delay game! Natural-born leadership in action!
Jeffrey Epstein is cramping up! This once-in-a-lifetime player trying to shake it off! Sometimes predictable game!
LeBron James sits alone on the bench. This first-ballot legend processing the defeat.
Sean Combs turns back to look at the court one last time. Donald Trump doesn't turn around. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Sean Combs's name. Forgive me. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
84-129 (L)
Tip-off! LeBron James gets us started! Let's go!
Stephen Hawking, this swiss-army-knife type, gets stuffed trying an and-one! Denied!
LeBron James coughs up the Wilson! Tendency to rush strikes again along the baseline!
Stephen Hawking gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the young scholars on a rough day!
LeBron James glares at the scoreboard! This first-ballot legend not happy with the situation!
The players head to the locker room. Donald Trump is sweating like a racehorse. Fun fact: Donald Trump got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
This basketball god LeBron James short-arms a hook shot off the pick and roll! Not enough lift!
Donald Trump powers through! The film producer in them won't quit on the risky picture!
Sean Combs commits the live-ball turnover! Their bare hands would be ashamed!
Sean Combs mouths off on a clutch free throw! A philanthropist venting about the game!
Donald Trump leaves the hardwood quietly! Quiet as a film producer after the risky picture setback!
Stephen Hawking lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Donald Trump holds his in. Behind the scenes, I learned Donald Trump was also a philanthropist in a past life. You can feel it in the game. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
111-100 (W)
Game time! Stephen Hawking and this hall-of-fame lock ready to put on a show at the hardwood!
Donald Trump with a finger-roll deep three! Dexterity you only get from years as a film producer!
LeBron James plays the passing angle perfectly! Deflection by this living legend!
This generational talent Donald Trump orchestrates the offense back to the basket! Maestro!
LeBron James, this potential GOAT, times the cut perfectly! Backdoor for a bucket!
Halftime! Sean Combs walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Anecdote: Sean Combs once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
Donald Trump scoops it up and in! The touch of a film producer with the risky picture!
The announcer calls Jeffrey Epstein 'The philanthropist!' the court roars its approval!
Sean Combs runs the play to perfection! Perfection of competing the game!
The crowd chants for Jeffrey Epstein! The philanthropist who became a legend at the court!
Sean Combs delivers in this top clash! The philanthropist shows up with their bare hands!
LeBron James jumps into Stephen Hawking's arms without warning. They both go down. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
81-124 (L)
Donald Trump, this undisputed superstar, embraces the Finals-like atmosphere! Game on!
LeBron James, this undisputed superstar, sends the rock wide! The touch is off tonight!
This all-time great Stephen Hawking dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
This once-in-a-lifetime player LeBron James gives up the offensive rebound! Ego the size of Texas when boxing out!
LeBron James, this oversized freak, pounds the scorer's table! Hot head on full display!
Halftime whistle. Stephen Hawking has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Little secret: Stephen Hawking listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
Stephen Hawking skips it off the rim! The young scholars has better hop than that!
Sean Combs bends over during the dead ball! This bonafide star gathering what's left!
Stephen Hawking botches the handoff! Even their lecture notes exchanges go smoother!
Donald Trump drops the head after another miss! Lack of consistency sapping the confidence!
Sean Combs tips the cap to the winners! The philanthropist's grace with the game!
Jeffrey Epstein presses his forehead against the tunnel glass. Sean Combs walks right past without noticing. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
86-130 (L)
The game begins and LeBron James is ready! You can see ridiculous creativity written all over his face!
LeBron James air-mails a hook shot from the right corner! Way off for this household name!
Stephen Hawking with the backcourt violation! This basketball god under too much pressure!
This potential GOAT LeBron James bites on the fake! Beaten along the baseline!
Donald Trump, this global icon, barks at the teammate! Ego the size of Texas taking over!
Well-deserved break. Jeffrey Epstein looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Did you know? Jeffrey Epstein has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Stephen Hawking forces a bad bank shot! This generational talent needs to trust teammates!
Sean Combs, this all-around player, laboring up and down! Tendency to rush draining the energy!
Sean Combs, this solid build, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted from way beyond the arc!
Jeffrey Epstein fires away angrily after the turnover! This undisputed superstar spiraling!
LeBron James penetrates past the media. This certified GOAT candidate not in the mood to talk.
Jeffrey Epstein lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Stephen Hawking holds his in. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
epstiddy island and party ends the season #8 with a 6W-9L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.
Season Journal
Shut the hell up for two seconds and listen to that sound. That low rumble, that murmur of 20,000 people holding their breath at the same time. That's the sound of an arena that knows tonight is going to be something. We're here for a franchise that's in the DNA of this league, a club with as many banners in the rafters as ghosts in the locker room. Legends have walked this court, careers have been shattered here, and miracles have been born on this very floor. Tonight, we write the next chapter. Ladies and gentlemen... Epstiddy island and party!
Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for LeBron James! Picture this: standing at 206 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight.
You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance.
And here it is, ladies and gentlemen, the cherry on top, the plot twist nobody saw coming: the coach recruited Donald Trump. A film producer. To play professional basketball. I'll repeat for the people in the back: a film producer, with their loaded checkbook, on an NBA hardwood. The guy showed up at his first practice asking where the locker rooms were... And went the wrong way. Twice. But the coach swears on everything holy that Donald Trump has "something." We don't know what exactly, but he has "something." In the meantime, the guy runs around like a headless chicken, confuses the risky picture with the basketball, and has already racked up three technical fouls for trying to negotiate with the referee.
The budget is fine, nothing more. This is the team that shops with a list and puts back the name-brand cereal for the store brand. They've got a serviceable roster, a guy or two who can drop 20 on a good night, but beyond that, it's filler. The coach works with what he's got, which ain't much, but he makes it work. This is the team that can beat anyone on a Tuesday night and get demolished on Friday. The textbook definition of "depends on the night."
epstiddy island and party ends the season #8 with a 6W-9L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.
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