My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Denver Horse-Track | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | My Team | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. The team with no name, baby! Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Anakin Skywalker. Just the name sends chills through the building. The man is massive, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face. The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around. Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's King Kong. An amateur in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles bare hands better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. King Kong has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat the game and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning. Budget-wise, we're in the "checked the couch cushions to fund the last contract" category. Seriously, there are high school programs with better catering. The owner watches every dollar like it's his last, and the GM negotiates trades with the anxiety of a guy haggling at a flea market. But paradoxically, that might be their strength: when you've got nothing to lose, you play free. And sometimes, freedom works miracles on the hardwood.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
84-129 (L)
Calvin , this do-it-all player, announced to huge cheers! A Playoff atmosphere!
Beau wennie misfires from mid-range! This diamond in the rough searching for answers!
King Kong dribbles into a trap! Hot head when reading the defense!
Anakin Skywalker gets blown by! Even a jedi couldn't stop that!
Anakin Skywalker rises up angrily after the turnover! This established player spiraling!
Halftime. The doctor examines King Kong's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Quick anecdote about King Kong: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
Beau wennie can't buy a bucket! Another miss at the buzzer! Frustrating!
Anakin Skywalker asks for ice! Cooling down, even a jedi's engine needs a rest!
This world-class player King Kong with turnover number points! Defense that's basically a suggestion is piling up!
Adolf Hitler argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to defending the front line!
Beau wennie sits alone on the bench. This player nobody saw coming processing the defeat.
Beau wennie has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. Anakin Skywalker has aged ten years in forty minutes. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
74-118 (L)
Adolf Hitler shoots with energy from the opening whistle! This living legend locked in!
Adolf Hitler, this undisputed superstar, with the shot-clock heave! No good from the right corner!
This raw talent calvin gets pickpocketed off the pick and roll! Sloppy handling!
Beau wennie bites on the pump fake! This hungry young player sent flying in the paint!
Beau wennie mutters to himself walking back! This dark horse fighting inner demons!
Halftime whistle! Adolf Hitler grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Anecdote: Adolf Hitler threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Calvin launches a two-handed slam and... Airball! Ego the size of Texas at its peak!
This jersey-selling name King Kong can't close out! The legs are shot at the top of the key!
King Kong, this smooth operator, steps out of bounds with the orange! Mental lapse!
This newcomer calvin gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Calvin dribbles to the tunnel in disappointment. This hidden prospect will learn from this.
Beau wennie walks in slow motion, arms dangling. King Kong speeds up. Wants it to be over. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
81-125 (L)
This hungry young player beau wennie comes out aggressive! Opens with a tear drop from mid-range!
This who-is-this-guy player calvin shanks a buzzer-beater under the basket! That's uncharacteristic!
Calvin coughs up the orange! Occasional mental lapses strikes again from the right corner!
Anakin Skywalker gives up the easy bucket! Easier than competing the game!
Calvin , this dude out of nowhere, yells at the coaching staff! Hot head causing friction!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Calvin asks for an ice pack. Anecdote: calvin threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
This solid pro Anakin Skywalker muscles up a devastating dunk but can't get it to fall!
Adolf Hitler grabs the shorts! This generational talent is running on fumes!
Calvin , this solid build, gets stripped facing the rim! Lack of consistency exposed!
Anakin Skywalker, this smooth operator, waves off the play call! Occasional mental lapses hurting the team!
Adolf Hitler walks off in defeat! Even a soldier's skills couldn't save tonight!
Calvin presses his forehead against the tunnel glass. Anakin Skywalker walks right past without noticing. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
74-118 (L)
Calvin opens with a devastating dunk! This rising star making an early statement!
Adolf Hitler launches and misses! The orange isn't the front line, and it shows!
Beau wennie, this versatile guy, fumbles the entry pass from the right corner!
This guy with rings on every finger Adolf Hitler gives up the offensive rebound! Tendency to force bad shots when boxing out!
Calvin can't mask the disappointment! This diamond in the rough wearing it on the sleeve!
End of the first half. Adolf Hitler is beet red but still standing. True story: Adolf Hitler walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Philadelphia Injury-Report. Awkward. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Calvin , this all-around player, gets the look in transition but the lid's on the rim!
Adolf Hitler barely gets back on defense! Moving like a soldier on a Friday afternoon!
Anakin Skywalker charges right into the defender! Turnover! Tendency to rush when controlling pace!
Anakin Skywalker, this combo guard, pounds the scorer's table! Limited stamina on full display!
Calvin had the chances but couldn't convert. This newcomer left wanting.
Calvin refuses Philadelphia Injury-Report's handshake. Adolf Hitler offers a limp one with just his fingertips. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
84-129 (L)
Anakin Skywalker gets the crowd going early! Setting the tone like a jedi on day one!
Calvin misses the open look! This dude out of nowhere can't believe it! Tendency to force bad shots!
Anakin Skywalker botches the handoff! Even their bare hands exchanges go smoother!
This diamond in the rough beau wennie picks up the cheap foul! Tendency to force bad shots showing!
Anakin Skywalker, this versatile guy, sits down hard on the bench! Hot head written all over his face!
Break! Calvin heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Fun fact: calvin is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
Adolf Hitler fades away but it's well off! Shaky emotions under pressure under fatigue!
Calvin , this newcomer, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
Adolf Hitler, this small but mighty player, gets called for the carry! Tendency to rush in ball-handling!
Adolf Hitler pounds the scorer's table! Frustrated! The soldier in them is showing!
Adolf Hitler hangs their head! A soldier who gave everything they had!
King Kong's eyes are red, jaw tight. Calvin apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. Behind the scenes, I learned calvin was also a volunteer firefighter in a past life. You can feel it in the game. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
88-132 (L)
Tip-off! Adolf Hitler gets us started! Let's go!
This top-tier talent King Kong misses the mark! A half-court heave goes begging along the baseline!
Adolf Hitler turns it over at the jump ball! A soldier dropping their service rifle at the worst time!
Calvin gives up the back door! Lack of consistency when overplaying!
King Kong gets a technical for complaining! Defense that's basically a suggestion on full display!
Rest. Calvin buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Confession: calvin believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Anakin Skywalker shoots but the shot rims out! Sometimes predictable game rears its ugly head!
This guy everybody knows King Kong stumbles! The fatigue is real after the contest!
Beau wennie dunks the orange right to the defense! Costly mistake by this surprise package!
Beau wennie slams the rock in frustration! Limited stamina on full display!
Adolf Hitler takes the loss hard! Hard as the front line on a bad soldier day!
Anakin Skywalker closes his eyes walking out. Beau wennie keeps his wide open, fixed, empty. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
90-134 (L)
King Kong rises up onto the floor! The crowd roars for this multi-time All-Star!
King Kong fires a hook shot facing the rim but can't connect! Heavy feet showing!
King Kong, this versatile guy, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted on the low block!
Calvin , this smooth operator, can't keep up with the speed! Injury-prone body exposed!
King Kong posts up away from the huddle! This jersey-selling name in a dark place mentally!
That's a cut. Calvin stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Anecdote: calvin slipped on a banana peel during practice. The videos leaked. The internet never forgets. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
Anakin Skywalker bricks it! Not the same accuracy as competing the game!
Beau wennie is gassed! This unknown gem bent over at half court! Occasional mental lapses catching up!
This All-Star caliber talent King Kong commits the 5-second violation! Clock management ego the size of Texas!
Beau wennie, this swiss-army-knife type, shows negative body language! Ego the size of Texas creeping in!
King Kong, this franchise guy, takes the loss hard. Sometimes predictable game at the wrong moments.
Calvin unclasps his chain and squeezes it in his fist. King Kong runs a hand down his face. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
76-121 (L)
Anakin Skywalker, this player on the come-up, draws first blood! A fadeaway jumper to start!
Calvin forces a pull-up jumper on the low block! This newcomer trying too hard!
Beau wennie with the lazy pass! Ego the size of Texas leading to easy points!
King Kong, this tweener, gets dunked on in the paint! Poster material!
This potential breakout star calvin slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
The players leave the court. Adolf Hitler clings to the tunnel railing. Little secret: Adolf Hitler listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Beau wennie fades away the Wilson into nothing! Heavy feet on full display tonight!
Anakin Skywalker bends over, hands on knees! Exhausted like a jedi after their bare hands overtime!
King Kong, this do-it-all player, commits the travel! Lack of consistency in the footwork!
Anakin Skywalker sits on the bench for a moment! Resting like a jedi after a long shift!
Beau wennie walks off in silence. This newcomer gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Calvin looks like someone who hasn't slept in three days. King Kong looks like someone who won't sleep tonight. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
79-124 (L)
Anakin Skywalker wins the opening tip! Tipping off with jedi energy!
Beau wennie dribbles but overcooks it! Ego the size of Texas showing up again!
This world-class player King Kong with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
Beau wennie scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Limited stamina!
Adolf Hitler storms to the bench! Heated! This soldier doesn't handle losing well!
Halftime! Beau wennie has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Little scoop: beau wennie logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Beau wennie clanks another one off the rim! This guy nobody was talking about needs to find rhythm!
King Kong, this versatile guy, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
This newcomer calvin loses concentration and the basketball with it!
This potential breakout star calvin shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
This respected competitor Anakin Skywalker tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Anakin Skywalker closes his eyes walking out. Beau wennie keeps his wide open, fixed, empty. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
87-131 (L)
And we're underway! Beau wennie touches the basketball first! This newcomer looks eager!
Calvin , this swiss-army-knife type, can't get a floater to drop! Cold as ice tonight!
This raw talent calvin forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
King Kong gets crossed over! This bonafide star left frozen from the right corner!
This franchise cornerstone Adolf Hitler throws an elbow in frustration! Heavy feet on full display!
End of the first act. Calvin is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Did you know calvin knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Denver Horse-Track's colors. By accident, obviously. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
This surprise package calvin throws up a prayer off the pick and roll! Not answered!
King Kong is running on pure willpower! This max-contract guy refusing to quit!
Anakin Skywalker loses the Wilson! A jedi would never be this careless!
Beau wennie dishes and kicks the stanchion! This raw talent losing composure!
Anakin Skywalker tells reporters: 'Tomorrow we competes better, like the game!'
Beau wennie chews his nails on the bench. Anakin Skywalker stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
78-122 (L)
Beau wennie, this solid build, sets the tone immediately! Insane court vision from the jump!
Anakin Skywalker bricks another one! Building something awful with their bare hands tonight!
Anakin Skywalker throws it away! A pass worse than a jedi tossing the game!
Anakin Skywalker gets posted up and scored on! This seasoned vet overpowered!
This total unknown beau wennie stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Back to the locker room. Anakin Skywalker punches his locker. True story: Anakin Skywalker had his parking spot stolen by New York Over-Timers's mascot. Still talks about it. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Calvin , this all-around player, bobbles the orange and the chance evaporates back to the basket!
Anakin Skywalker dishes but the legs won't cooperate! Tendency to force bad shots catching up!
Adolf Hitler drives into a dead end at the buzzer! Turnover! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
This who-is-this-guy player beau wennie can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
This hungry young player calvin congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this hungry young player.
Adolf Hitler whispers 'this can't be real' under his breath. Anakin Skywalker nods without conviction. Tonight I learned Adolf Hitler used to be a volunteer firefighter before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
76-121 (L)
Beau wennie takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Beau wennie, this do-it-all player, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Hot head!
Calvin throws it away! Tendency to force bad shots under pressure from mid-range!
Adolf Hitler bites on the fake! Fooled like a soldier by counterfeit the front line!
Calvin , this versatile guy, throws the hands up! Exasperated in the paint!
The players head in. King Kong slips on the wet tunnel floor. Confession: King Kong calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
King Kong explodes the damn ball right into the defender's hands! Occasional mental lapses!
This hidden prospect beau wennie is a warrior but the body says no! The contest of war!
Anakin Skywalker dispossessed! Couldn't hold on, not the jedi's finest moment!
Adolf Hitler picks up the second technical! This hall-of-fame lock ejected! Shaky emotions under pressure!
Anakin Skywalker wipes a tear! A jedi who poured everything into the effort!
Calvin sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. King Kong puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
77-122 (L)
This surprise package calvin in the starting lineup! Let's see what this surprise package brings!
King Kong, this world-class player, comes up empty! A euro-step off target from the right corner!
Anakin Skywalker throws it into traffic! Reckless pass, the jedi got too confident!
This diamond in the rough beau wennie bites on the fake! Beaten facing the rim!
Calvin glares at the scoreboard! This unknown gem not happy with the situation!
Halftime. King Kong wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Fun fact: King Kong tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Calvin goes to work the damn ball awkwardly! The touch just isn't there for this who-is-this-guy player!
Adolf Hitler, this once-in-a-lifetime player, is dragging! The this ball game minutes taking their toll!
Beau wennie throws it into the stands! What was that from this surprise package!
Beau wennie storms to the bench! This diamond in the rough is visibly upset!
Adolf Hitler walks the tunnel in silence! Done for the night, back to soldier life tomorrow!
King Kong scratches the back of his neck nervously. Adolf Hitler has the look of someone who has seen things. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
79-123 (L)
Adolf Hitler bounces the Wilson pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
Calvin shoots the ball into the front rim! That's frustrating for this dark horse!
Adolf Hitler, this undersized dog, gets the ball poked away! Ego the size of Texas when protecting the Wilson!
Calvin turns the head and loses the man! This guy nobody was talking about napping defensively!
This basketball god Adolf Hitler fouls hard out of frustration! Ego the size of Texas showing!
The locker room. Anakin Skywalker sprawls out full-length on the bench. Little scoop: Anakin Skywalker tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
A pull-up jumper from beau wennie sails wide! This hidden prospect needs to regroup!
King Kong asks for the ball to slow the pace! This certified bucket needs air!
Calvin launches carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Anakin Skywalker shakes their head! A jedi who can't believe that just happened!
King Kong, this jersey-selling name, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Beau wennie claps his hands in frustration. King Kong clenches his jaw so hard you can hear it from here. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
80-125 (L)
The floor welcomes Adolf Hitler! The soldier with the front line has arrived!
Anakin Skywalker, this smooth operator, wastes a golden chance with a wild thunderous slam!
King Kong tries to be too fancy and loses the damn ball! Defense that's basically a suggestion in the decision-making!
King Kong gets caught flat-footed! This established star beaten to the spot!
Anakin Skywalker vents at their teammates! The jedi who vents about the game!
Break time. Calvin bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Exclusive: calvin was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
King Kong with the contested fadeaway jumper from the left corner! No good! Bad selection!
Beau wennie, this hidden prospect, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
Anakin Skywalker dribbles it off their foot! Their bare hands would never betray a jedi like that!
Adolf Hitler tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the soldier will bounce back!
Calvin dribbles past the media. This hidden prospect not in the mood to talk.
Beau wennie's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Anakin Skywalker breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Anakin Skywalker.
Season Journal
Kill the cameras, turn off your phones, and shut your mouths because what we're about to witness tonight only happens once in a generation. We're in the belly of an arena where the floor trembles under the bass, where the Jumbotron spits fire, where 20,000 lunatics are screaming their heads off before the tip-off even happens. The franchise walking onto this court isn't a basketball club, it's a war machine forged in the pain of defeat and the madness of impossible comebacks. Every player here has gladiator blood in his veins and an ego size of Texas. The team with no name, baby!
Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Anakin Skywalker. Just the name sends chills through the building. The man is massive, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face.
The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around.
Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's King Kong. An amateur in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles bare hands better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. King Kong has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat the game and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning.
Budget-wise, we're in the "checked the couch cushions to fund the last contract" category. Seriously, there are high school programs with better catering. The owner watches every dollar like it's his last, and the GM negotiates trades with the anxiety of a guy haggling at a flea market. But paradoxically, that might be their strength: when you've got nothing to lose, you play free. And sometimes, freedom works miracles on the hardwood.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Anakin Skywalker.
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