Hdhdg — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Hdhdg | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 7 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. Ladies and gentlemen... Hdhdg! Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but Shaquille O'Neal is something else entirely. He's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. Standing at 216 cm, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This man feels the game. He knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. He reads passes like he's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery. The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around. Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: he signed Bret Hart, his brother-in-law and a theater actor by trade, on a ten-day contract. The guy showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying bare hands and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if Bret Hart can place a basketball with the same precision he uses for the game to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the guy's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench. Budget: unlimited. Well technically there's a limit, but the owner decided to ignore it. We're in repeater tax territory, where every extra dollar of payroll costs FIVE dollars in penalties. The front office sweats with every new contract, the accountant has quit three times this year, but the owner keeps signing checks. The result? An absolute dream roster, the kind of team you build in NBA 2K when you turn on cheat mode. The downside? Zero flexibility. No first-round Draft picks, no free agent signings, no wiggle room whatsoever. It's all or nothing. And tonight, it's gonna be all.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
84-128 (L)
William Shakespeare wins the opening tip! Tipping off with playwright energy!
Wilt Chamberlain forces up a free throw over the defense! Defense that's basically a suggestion! Bad decision!
Michael Jordan coughs up the leather! Shaky emotions under pressure strikes again on the low block!
Wilt Chamberlain, this tower, can't keep up with the speed! Hot head exposed!
William Shakespeare mouths off and picks up a T! Occasional mental lapses taking over!
Halftime whistle. William Shakespeare spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Did you know William Shakespeare entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Wilt Chamberlain, this All-Star caliber talent, pulls the trigger from downtown but no luck!
Wilt Chamberlain asks for the ball to slow the pace! This established star needs air!
William Shakespeare loses the basketball! A playwright would never be this careless!
Bret Hart throws their hands up! Like a theater actor when their bare hands breaks!
Bret Hart walks off in defeat! Even a theater actor's skills couldn't save tonight!
Michael Jordan scratches the back of his neck nervously. Shaquille O'Neal has the look of someone who has seen things. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
119-98 (W)
Tip-off! Michael Jordan gets us started! Let's go!
A bank shot from Shaquille O'Neal! Another dagger! This potential GOAT closing the door!
Bret Hart, this solid pro, pokes the leather free! Scramble from mid-range!
This max-contract guy Wilt Chamberlain turns the corner and finds the open man! Unselfish!
William Shakespeare makes the hockey pass! Freakish explosiveness finding the extra pass!
Break! William Shakespeare grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Did you know? William Shakespeare once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
William Shakespeare buries a sky hook on the low block! This certified GOAT candidate is on fire tonight!
The energy in this building is unreal! William Shakespeare channeling immense pressure!
Michael Jordan, this living legend, runs the play exactly as drawn! Execution!
What a journey for William Shakespeare! From the bench to the spotlight! You love to see it!
Michael Jordan, this undisputed superstar, with the post-game interview smile! Next-level basketball IQ all night!
Michael Jordan and Bret Hart swing Shaquille O'Neal around by his arms like a carousel. He looks sick. Behind the scenes, I learned Shaquille O'Neal was also a theater actor in a past life. You can feel it in the game. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
115-83 (W)
This guy everybody knows Wilt Chamberlain means business! Fast start in the paint!
This guy with rings on every finger Shaquille O'Neal is automatic at the buzzer! A scoop layup drops again!
Wilt Chamberlain pinpoints the pass from the right corner! Another assist for this certified bucket!
Michael Jordan, this towering presence, posts up and delivers a free throw! Textbook!
Michael Jordan, this oversized freak, contests everything at the top of the key! That dawg mentality on full display!
The locker room. Bret Hart sprawls out full-length on the bench. Juicy anecdote: Bret Hart was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
William Shakespeare, this combo guard, showcases an unmatched feel for the game with a gorgeous scoop layup!
Wilt Chamberlain piles it on! A buzzer-beater extends the lead! No mercy tonight!
Bret Hart asked where the game locker is! It's a locker room, not a workshop!
Shaquille O'Neal blows a kiss to the fans! Cool as you like, a chest bump!
That's the game! Shaquille O'Neal finishes with a monster performance! This living legend victorious!
Shaquille O'Neal charges toward the crowd. Michael Jordan catches him just before he dives into the stands. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
133-88 (W)
William Shakespeare bounces the Wilson pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
This basketball god William Shakespeare with a beautiful two-handed slam from mid-range! Poetry in motion!
Michael Jordan with the no-look pass! This basketball god has eyes in the back of the head!
Michael Jordan hits a pull-up jumper! Unreal swagger proving to be the difference tonight!
Wilt Chamberlain with the full-court pressure! This guy everybody knows making them uncomfortable!
Halftime whistle! Wilt Chamberlain slides down against the hallway wall. Fun fact: Wilt Chamberlain tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
Wilt Chamberlain attacks off the pick and roll and finishes with a layup! Too good!
Shaquille O'Neal and the starters head to the bench! Job done, game over!
Bret Hart brought their bare hands to the huddle! The coach is confused!
William Shakespeare attacks and celebrates! A slide across the hardwood from the right corner! The crowd erupts!
Shaquille O'Neal fires away to the crowd! A fist pump toward the bench! This living legend gave everything!
William Shakespeare and Shaquille O'Neal lap the court arm in arm, singing. Off-key. Evening confession: I'm wearing William Shakespeare's jersey under my shirt. For morale. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
125-87 (W)
William Shakespeare stretches center court! Loosening up, the playwright is getting ready!
William Shakespeare launches the ball with purpose! A two-handed slam! This potential GOAT means business!
Wilt Chamberlain, this titan, delivers the entry pass! Beautiful feed into the post!
Michael Jordan, this all-time great, reads the play perfectly and delivers a buzzer beater!
William Shakespeare shuts down the lane! Closed for business, like a playwright closing the gripping act!
The players leave the court. Shaquille O'Neal clings to the tunnel railing. Exclusive: Shaquille O'Neal was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
Wilt Chamberlain goes to work and scores! A free throw! This long boy is a problem!
William Shakespeare, this potential GOAT, waves to the crowd early! The outcome settled!
William Shakespeare brought a lunchbox full of the gripping act! Snacking or strategizing?
Bret Hart, this do-it-all player, chest bumps the teammate! A raised fist! Pure joy!
It's over! Michael Jordan delivers the goods! This living legend walks off a winner!
Michael Jordan moonwalks across the hardwood. Wilt Chamberlain attempts the worm. One of them pulls it off. Behind the scenes, I learned Wilt Chamberlain was also a theater actor in a past life. You can feel it in the game. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
123-101 (W)
Shaquille O'Neal looks dialed in from the start! Silky smooth technique preparation showing!
Bret Hart punishes the defense! A theater actor punishing the game with precision!
This household name Michael Jordan anchors the defense from way beyond the arc! Nothing gets through!
This max-contract guy Wilt Chamberlain with the wraparound pass! How did that get through!
This undisputed superstar Shaquille O'Neal adjusts the angle mid-drive! An off-the-charts basketball IQ body control!
End of the first act. Shaquille O'Neal is puffing like a steam engine heading back. They say Shaquille O'Neal eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
This established star Wilt Chamberlain does it again! A step-back three with effortless precision!
Shaquille O'Neal, this guy with rings on every finger, waves the crowd up! A roaring arena rising!
Michael Jordan, this absolute legend, picks up the fallen teammate! Scary good handles beyond the stats!
The story of Bret Hart: a theater actor by morning, a baller by night. The game would be proud!
This all-time great Shaquille O'Neal raises the arms! The win is in the books! A team high-five!
William Shakespeare does a belly slide on the court. Bret Hart does a back slide. The hardwood is ruined. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
119-90 (W)
Wilt Chamberlain, this tower, sets the tone immediately! Ridiculous creativity from the jump!
Shaquille O'Neal, this basketball god, absolutely nails a scoop layup from the left corner! Take a bow!
Michael Jordan with the huge monster swat at the buzzer! This generational talent says no!
Michael Jordan with the touch pass! This once-in-a-lifetime player barely had the leather and found the man!
Bret Hart directs traffic on the gymnasium! Traffic control by a theater actor with the game!
Rest. Bret Hart buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Did you know Bret Hart started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
William Shakespeare powers through for a sky hook! The brute force of crafting the gripping act!
Shaquille O'Neal drives to an eruption! A boiling cauldron! What a moment!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Michael Jordan dives for the loose ball! Insane court vision on every play!
This hooper's hooper Bret Hart has that look in the eyes! Watch out! Insane court vision!
Michael Jordan pumps the fist as the buzzer goes! This certified GOAT candidate savors the win!
William Shakespeare grabs the PA announcer's mic and shouts Bret Hart's name. The announcer chases him. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
104-109 (L)
Wilt Chamberlain opens with a pull-up jumper! This big-name player making an early statement!
Shaquille O'Neal drives past the defense for a catch-and-shoot triple! Size advantage from this this long boy!
Shaquille O'Neal gambles for the steal and pays the price! Ego the size of Texas!
This global icon William Shakespeare misses the mark! A bucket goes begging at half court!
Michael Jordan forces the turnover! This hall-of-fame lock creating opportunities on both ends!
Heading in. William Shakespeare's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. I've been told William Shakespeare always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Wilt Chamberlain turns it over in the dying seconds! This certified bucket crumbles under pressure!
Wilt Chamberlain, this elite player, with the frustrated foul! Tendency to force bad shots in tough moments!
The evolution of William Shakespeare: crafting the gripping act taught patience. The hardwood taught glory!
Bret Hart bricks it when it matters! Their bare hands accuracy went home early!
Despite the loss, William Shakespeare held their own with the gripping act! The playwright fought!
Bret Hart claps his hands in frustration. Shaquille O'Neal clenches his jaw so hard you can hear it from here. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
125-92 (W)
William Shakespeare steps onto the gymnasium! From crafting the gripping act to this, game time!
Wilt Chamberlain, this mountain of a man, uses strength and skill for a bank shot! Complete player!
Shaquille O'Neal, this 7-footer, finds the rolling big man! A pull-up jumper off the assist!
William Shakespeare strings together a devastating dunk from the right corner. Unreal swagger on full display!
Shaquille O'Neal, this colossus, covers ground to get the clutch steal! Wow!
Rest time. Shaquille O'Neal isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Word is Shaquille O'Neal sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. We're back! The players look fired up.
The technical flair of Bret Hart recalls their theater actor days. An alley-oop! Sublime!
Bret Hart, this do-it-all player, caps off a dominant performance! Ridiculous creativity from start to finish!
This living legend William Shakespeare argues a call that went in their favor! Wait what?
This franchise cornerstone Shaquille O'Neal raises the arms in triumph! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd! The crowd follows!
Michael Jordan, this long boy, acknowledges the fans! A sold-out gym on fire! A raised fist!
William Shakespeare rips the net off the rim. Bret Hart wraps it around his neck like a scarf. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
105-113 (L)
Michael Jordan, this tree of a man, announced to huge cheers! A roaring arena!
Michael Jordan air-mails a finger roll from downtown! Way off for this global icon!
Bret Hart pulls up into a dead end in transition! Turnover! Tendency to rush!
William Shakespeare, this tweener, fouls unnecessarily from way beyond the arc! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
This all-time great Shaquille O'Neal goes to work from downtown! A double-clutch layup drops beautifully!
Halftime whistle. Michael Jordan spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Did you know Michael Jordan started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
This undisputed superstar Shaquille O'Neal stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Bret Hart launches but the shot rims out! Limited stamina rears its ugly head!
Wilt Chamberlain, this mountain of a man, exploits the mismatch off the pick and roll! Smart play!
William Shakespeare, this absolute legend, is dragging! The this ball game minutes taking their toll!
William Shakespeare leaves the palace of hoops with dignity! The dignity of a playwright with their fountain pen!
Michael Jordan's gaze is cold, distant. Shaquille O'Neal's gaze is hot, angry. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
108-112 (L)
This All-Star caliber talent Wilt Chamberlain gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Michael Jordan with another devastating dunk! You can't stop this man!
William Shakespeare gets crossed over! This once-in-a-lifetime player left frozen along the baseline!
Bret Hart misses the open look! This player on the come-up can't believe it! Limited stamina!
Bret Hart with back-to-back scores! The theater actor assembly line of their bare hands!
Break. William Shakespeare's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Physio's confession: William Shakespeare purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. Break's over, the players take their positions.
This potential GOAT Michael Jordan misses the free throws! Tendency to rush at the line!
William Shakespeare mouths off at after a timeout! A playwright venting about the gripping act!
Shaquille O'Neal fades away into the record books! This first-ballot legend making memories!
Wilt Chamberlain crosses over and bricks it! Tendency to force bad shots in the fourth quarter!
William Shakespeare sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a playwright after their fountain pen broke!
Bret Hart lets out a nervous laugh that sends chills down your spine. Wilt Chamberlain decides not to comment. I learned backstage that Wilt Chamberlain also does theater actor on weekends. That explains those reflexes. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
87-115 (L)
Wilt Chamberlain, this walking skyscraper, takes the court! The cathedral silence is electric!
Bret Hart launches and misses! The pill isn't the game, and it shows!
This generational talent Shaquille O'Neal dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Shaquille O'Neal, this titan, lets the shooter get free from downtown! Costly lapse!
Wilt Chamberlain goes coast to coast for a free throw! This established star is relentless!
The players head to the locker room. Shaquille O'Neal is sweating like a racehorse. Small detail: Shaquille O'Neal wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
This franchise cornerstone Michael Jordan hangs the head after the miss! Deflated along the baseline!
William Shakespeare can't find the range! Their fountain pen has better accuracy than that!
Michael Jordan, this franchise cornerstone, manages the clock beautifully in the second quarter!
This all-time great Shaquille O'Neal stumbles! The fatigue is real after the 48 regulation minutes!
Michael Jordan walks off in silence. This guy with rings on every finger gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Bret Hart's gaze is cold, distant. Wilt Chamberlain's gaze is hot, angry. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
120-88 (W)
Bret Hart begins their shift on the hardwood! A theater actor starting the their bare hands shift!
Shaquille O'Neal, this basketball god, drills another finger roll in transition! Automatic!
William Shakespeare with the transition assist! This household name pushing the pace with an unmatched feel for the game!
William Shakespeare rises up to the rack for a pull-up jumper! Can't contain this swiss-army-knife type!
Wilt Chamberlain picks the pocket of the ball handler! Straight robbery!
Halftime. Bret Hart is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Rumor has it Bret Hart tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Michael Jordan drives and fires a buzzer beater! This 7-footer lighting it up!
William Shakespeare stat-pads without shame! Filling the box score like a resume!
Bret Hart, this smooth operator, gets tangled in the net! This solid pro stuck!
Michael Jordan dunks to center court! A hug with the coach! This global icon owns the moment!
Wilt Chamberlain, this long boy, takes the final bow! A victory dance! Dominant display!
Michael Jordan takes Shaquille O'Neal by the hand and they bow to the crowd like stage actors. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
109-115 (L)
Bret Hart fires up the crowd to open the game! This solid pro starting strong!
William Shakespeare sends it wide! Their fountain pen wouldn't forgive that either!
William Shakespeare throws it away! A pass worse than a playwright tossing the gripping act!
Shaquille O'Neal, this beanpole, gets exploited in the switch! Tendency to force bad shots exposed in the mismatch!
This certified GOAT candidate Shaquille O'Neal capitalizes back to the basket! A buzzer-beater with scary good handles!
Rest time. Wilt Chamberlain isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Anecdote: Wilt Chamberlain once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Shaquille O'Neal lets fly the towel! This potential GOAT showing limited stamina!
Bret Hart gets blocked! Rejected harder than a theater actor's worst day on the job!
Michael Jordan crosses over to the weak side! This all-time great exploiting the rotation!
Wilt Chamberlain is gassed! This big-name player bent over at half court! Sometimes predictable game catching up!
Bret Hart takes the loss hard! Hard as the game on a bad theater actor day!
Wilt Chamberlain hurls his mouthguard into the trash. Shaquille O'Neal keeps his in, chewing on the frustration. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
97-100 (L)
And we're underway! Michael Jordan touches the rock first! This first-ballot legend looks eager!
This guy with rings on every finger Shaquille O'Neal with a picture-perfect off-balance shot! The crowd goes wild!
This first-ballot legend Michael Jordan picks up the cheap foul! Limited stamina showing!
An and-one from Shaquille O'Neal catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
Shaquille O'Neal launches and the deficit melts! He's on an unstoppable run!
First half is done. William Shakespeare is chugging Gatorade like it's water. I've been told William Shakespeare once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
Bret Hart gets stripped in after a timeout! That's gonna be a costly turnover!
Wilt Chamberlain mutters to himself walking back! This guy everybody knows fighting inner demons!
Shaquille O'Neal crosses over like a player possessed! A gym-rat work ethic unleashed!
Shaquille O'Neal can't hit the go-ahead! Tendency to force bad shots when the lights are brightest!
Shaquille O'Neal takes off past the media. This certified GOAT candidate not in the mood to talk.
William Shakespeare replays the score in his head on a loop. Bret Hart tries to think about something else. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Hdhdg ends the season #6 with a 8W-7L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
Season Journal
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. Ladies and gentlemen... Hdhdg!
Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but Shaquille O'Neal is something else entirely. He's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. Standing at 216 cm, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This man feels the game. He knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. He reads passes like he's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery.
The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around.
Okay, this is either pure genius or a complete mental breakdown, I honestly can't tell yet. The wild card, the stroke of brilliance or insanity depending on how many beers you've had, is that the coach decided to pull a move never before seen in league history: he signed Bret Hart, his brother-in-law and a theater actor by trade, on a ten-day contract. The guy showed up to the bench wearing a bucket hat, carrying bare hands and a cooler, surrounded by 7-foot giants who weigh three times as much. Apparently the coach's theory is that if Bret Hart can place a basketball with the same precision he uses for the game to "bullseye" the opposing center's head, we've got the play of the century. So far, the guy's biggest achievement is attempting a three-pointer with an underhand toss and asking the ref where the jack ball was. It's absolute madness, the fans are split between hysterical laughter and total despair, but one thing's for sure: no one's ever seen a timeout with such a strong smell of beef jerky and cheap beer on the bench.
Budget: unlimited. Well technically there's a limit, but the owner decided to ignore it. We're in repeater tax territory, where every extra dollar of payroll costs FIVE dollars in penalties. The front office sweats with every new contract, the accountant has quit three times this year, but the owner keeps signing checks. The result? An absolute dream roster, the kind of team you build in NBA 2K when you turn on cheat mode. The downside? Zero flexibility. No first-round Draft picks, no free agent signings, no wiggle room whatsoever. It's all or nothing. And tonight, it's gonna be all.
Hdhdg ends the season #6 with a 8W-7L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
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