Elite — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Denver Horse-Track | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Elite | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Phoenix No-Defense | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. Ladies and gentlemen... Elite! Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Michael Jordan. Just the name sends chills through the building. Standing at 198 cm, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face. The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around. And now, the moment nobody was waiting for but everybody is going to love: the coach signed Donald Trump. The man is a film producer. A freaking film producer. In a league where everybody is 6'8" and runs a 4.4 forty, he rolls up with their loaded checkbook and a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. His first instinct walking into the locker room? Ask where the coffee machine was. His second instinct? Try to dribble and bounce the ball straight into his own face. The teammates lost it. The coach just said "that's the kind of grit I was looking for." We still don't know if he was serious or completely hammered. Budget: unlimited. Well technically there's a limit, but the owner decided to ignore it. We're in repeater tax territory, where every extra dollar of payroll costs FIVE dollars in penalties. The front office sweats with every new contract, the accountant has quit three times this year, but the owner keeps signing checks. The result? An absolute dream roster, the kind of team you build in NBA 2K when you turn on cheat mode. The downside? Zero flexibility. No first-round Draft picks, no free agent signings, no wiggle room whatsoever. It's all or nothing. And tonight, it's gonna be all.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
98-124 (L)
This household name Donald Trump means business! Fast start facing the rim!
Michael Jordan fades away but the shot rims out! Ego the size of Texas rears its ugly head!
Magic Johnson with the backcourt violation! This once-in-a-lifetime player under too much pressure!
This established player RJ Barrett caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Magic Johnson, this living legend, reads the play perfectly and delivers a hook shot!
Back to the locker room. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar punches his locker. Fun fact: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
RJ Barrett, this pint-sized baller, throws the hands up! Exasperated from mid-range!
Michael Jordan launches the basketball awkwardly! The touch just isn't there for this first-ballot legend!
RJ Barrett crosses over into the right spacing! A gym-rat work ethic and elite court awareness!
Donald Trump is running on pure willpower! This certified GOAT candidate refusing to quit!
RJ Barrett, this well-respected player, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Magic Johnson takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. I learned tonight that Kareem Abdul-Jabbar used to be a film producer. That explains the unique running style. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
114-94 (W)
The game begins and Michael Jordan is ready! You can see unreal swagger written all over his face!
A devastating dunk from Michael Jordan! This basketball god just keeps delivering!
Magic Johnson reads the play and picks off the pass! Transition opportunity!
Michael Jordan, this tower, finds the trailer! A two-handed slam off the assist, easy money!
Magic Johnson reads the defense perfectly! Scary good handles and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Halftime. RJ Barrett is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Did you know RJ Barrett plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this undisputed superstar, operates from way beyond the arc with a thunderous slam! Clinic!
Listen to that roar! Michael Jordan drives and the place explodes!
Donald Trump sacrifices for the team! Selfless play from this film producer!
This up-and-coming baller RJ Barrett flips the script! From struggle to dominance!
This living legend Magic Johnson walks off to a standing ovation! A standing ovation! Incredible!
Donald Trump jumps so high from joy he nearly touches the scoreboard. Almost. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
107-95 (W)
This established player RJ Barrett comes out aggressive! Opens with a half-court heave driving to the hoop!
Magic Johnson attacks at half court and finishes with an and-one! Too good!
RJ Barrett slides to the passing lane and steals it! Scary good handles!
Donald Trump, this once-in-a-lifetime player, drives and kicks! Perfect assist for a layup!
Magic Johnson, this living legend, manipulates the defense with the eyes! A gym-rat work ethic!
Break. Michael Jordan asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Fun fact: Michael Jordan tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. We're back! The players look fired up.
This absolute legend Magic Johnson converts from the right corner! A double-clutch layup right on cue!
Magic Johnson drives and the noise is deafening! A sold-out gym on fire! Wow!
Michael Jordan sacrifices the body taking the charge! This first-ballot legend ultimate teammate!
Remember this moment! Magic Johnson is making history with a two-handed slam!
It's over! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar delivers the goods! This undisputed superstar walks off a winner!
RJ Barrett moonwalks across the hardwood. Michael Jordan attempts the worm. One of them pulls it off. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
108-97 (W)
Michael Jordan, this long boy, takes the court! The wild stands is electric!
Donald Trump, this swiss-army-knife type, with a silky layup in the paint! Smooth operator!
Michael Jordan plays the passing angle perfectly! Deflection by this basketball god!
RJ Barrett threads the needle! Beautiful assist back to the basket! Unreal court vision!
RJ Barrett rises up with purpose every possession! This up-and-coming baller chess master!
The players file out. RJ Barrett exchanges a tense look with the coach. Confession: RJ Barrett calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar rises up to the rack for a half-court heave! Can't contain this tree of a man!
Michael Jordan, this big fella, gestures for more noise! The crowd goes nuts!
RJ Barrett, this established player, communicates the switch! Pure God-given talent and vocal leadership!
Donald Trump drives through pain, through doubt! This basketball god transcending!
RJ Barrett pumps the fist as the buzzer goes! This legit talent savors the win!
Magic Johnson and Michael Jordan leap onto each other like kids. RJ Barrett comes sprinting in and crushes them both. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
109-99 (W)
RJ Barrett takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Donald Trump sinks it from along the baseline. A film producer never misses the risky picture, and never misses the hoop!
RJ Barrett, this scrappy guard, clamps down in the clutch! Elite a crucial offensive board!
RJ Barrett, this hooper's hooper, draws the double and finds the open shooter! Natural-born leadership!
Magic Johnson slows the pace when the team needs it! This undisputed superstar tempo control!
End of the second quarter. Michael Jordan is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Confession: Michael Jordan believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar attacks the Wilson with flair and hits a two-handed slam! Sensational!
RJ Barrett, this little thunder, basks in an electric crowd! This is home!
RJ Barrett, this miniature missile, boxes out for the teammate! This legit talent doing the dirty work!
Magic Johnson explodes into the record books! This undisputed superstar making memories!
This all-time great Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is all smiles! The stats back up the brilliance!
Donald Trump gives his headband to a kid in the crowd. RJ Barrett gives his shoes. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar gives his water bottle. The kid is overwhelmed. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
108-94 (W)
RJ Barrett opens with a scoop layup! This name that's buzzing making an early statement!
Magic Johnson, this big fella, glides to back to the basket for a silky off-balance shot!
This basketball god Magic Johnson with the volleyball spike a clutch steal! Emphatic!
Donald Trump, this basketball god, surveys and delivers! Ridiculous creativity in the playmaking!
This dude putting the league on notice RJ Barrett runs the pick-and-pop to perfection! Tactical mastery!
Break. Magic Johnson collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Confession: Magic Johnson tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
A pull-up jumper by Michael Jordan! The building is rocking! This guy with rings on every finger takeover!
Post-game fireworks for Donald Trump! Brighter than their loaded checkbook on a perfect day!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar dribbles the pick-and-roll to perfection! Chemistry on display!
RJ Barrett, this next-level player, is playing with nothing to lose! Watch out, this next-level player is dangerous!
That's the game! Magic Johnson finishes with a monster performance! This certified GOAT candidate victorious!
Michael Jordan and Magic Johnson pretend to fish RJ Barrett out of the crowd. They pull hard. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
106-85 (W)
Donald Trump looks dialed in from the start! Nerves of steel preparation showing!
Magic Johnson crosses over through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
Donald Trump swats it away! A rebound in traffic with that film producer strength!
Michael Jordan, this tree of a man, drops the dime! Night-in night-out consistency passing on display!
Michael Jordan, this titan, exploits the mismatch from mid-range! Smart play!
End of the first half. Donald Trump is beet red but still standing. Did you know? Donald Trump once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
Michael Jordan, this oversized freak, dominates at half court and puts up a pull-up jumper! Unstoppable!
The crowd is on its feet! An electric crowd as Michael Jordan takes the court!
Magic Johnson crosses over the outlet to the young player! This first-ballot legend building the future!
Magic Johnson is writing the story tonight! This once-in-a-lifetime player with a fadeaway jumper from downtown!
Donald Trump closes the show! Curtain call for the film producer with the risky picture!
Magic Johnson and RJ Barrett pretend to fish Michael Jordan out of the crowd. They pull hard. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
95-98 (L)
This first-ballot legend Michael Jordan gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
RJ Barrett, this respected competitor, knifes through for a finger roll at the buzzer! Wow!
This potential GOAT Michael Jordan misjudges the passing lane! Easy assist through!
Donald Trump misses! Even a film producer can't fix that shot!
This household name Michael Jordan hits the big three! The deficit down to single digits!
Halftime. Magic Johnson's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. I've been told Magic Johnson once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
This first-ballot legend Donald Trump fouls in the clutch! Tendency to force bad shots showing late!
RJ Barrett, this little thunder, sits down hard on the bench! Defense that's basically a suggestion written all over his face!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar launches with conviction! This franchise cornerstone believes tonight is the night!
Magic Johnson spins and bricks it! Lack of consistency in the closing moments!
Donald Trump had the chances but couldn't convert. This once-in-a-lifetime player left wanting.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar taps the tunnel wall as if trying to pass through it. Magic Johnson walks through the door without pushing it. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
114-99 (W)
RJ Barrett penetrates onto the floor! The crowd roars for this up-and-coming baller!
RJ Barrett scores with freakish explosiveness. A devastating dunk on the low block! Too smooth!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this oversized freak, smothers the ball-handler! No options!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar pinpoints the pass in transition! Another assist for this household name!
Magic Johnson, this giant, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
Well-deserved break. Michael Jordan looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Fun fact: Michael Jordan tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
This living legend Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is automatic from mid-range! A scoop layup drops again!
Magic Johnson in a boiling cauldron! This franchise cornerstone has been waiting for this stage!
This global icon Magic Johnson motivates the squad in the huddle! Natural leader!
Michael Jordan, this guy with rings on every finger, has the crowd in the palm of the hand! A sold-out gym on fire!
Final buzzer! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is the hero! This hall-of-fame lock with a game for the ages!
Magic Johnson launches his shoe into the air. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar catches it. Standing ovation. Behind the scenes, I learned Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was also a film producer in a past life. You can feel it in the game. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
100-93 (W)
RJ Barrett, this little thunder, is introduced and the arena explodes! This solid pro is in the building!
Michael Jordan scores from the right corner! A euro-step with pure God-given talent! Brilliant!
This league veteran RJ Barrett holds ground in the paint! Immovable object!
Donald Trump whips it cross-court! Covering distance with their loaded checkbook range!
Magic Johnson penetrates to the weak side! This global icon exploiting the rotation!
Break. Magic Johnson asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Juicy intel: Magic Johnson turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
Magic Johnson hits a deep three! Nerves of steel proving to be the difference tonight!
The arena trembles! Michael Jordan with the play and a packed arena follows!
This well-respected player RJ Barrett celebrates the teammate's score! It's about the team!
RJ Barrett, this elusive guard, is on a mission! Nothing can stop this legit talent right now!
Magic Johnson tosses the leather in the air! A salute to the fans! This potential GOAT mission accomplished!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar grabs the arena mic and screams. Just a scream. Donald Trump applauds. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
105-100 (W)
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this all-time great, embraces the Playoff atmosphere! Game on!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar slides the feet perfectly and forces a miss! That dawg mentality in every step!
Donald Trump sends it wide! Their loaded checkbook wouldn't forgive that either!
Magic Johnson, this first-ballot legend, drops a sky hook back to the basket! Pure artistry!
Donald Trump uses that film producer IQ on the court! Tactical brilliance!
End of the second quarter. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. Did you know? Kareem Abdul-Jabbar launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Magic Johnson, this 7-footer, comes through when called upon! At the last second! Star!
This generational talent Michael Jordan with the no-foul contest from downtown! Clean as a whistle!
This undisputed superstar Magic Johnson draws the MVP chants! The crowd is on their feet for the star!
This all-time great Magic Johnson with the heroic clutch steal! Preserves the lead!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Kareem Abdul-Jabbar seals the deal! Victory with next-level basketball IQ!
Magic Johnson jumps so high from joy he nearly touches the scoreboard. Almost. Evening confession: I'm wearing Magic Johnson's jersey under my shirt. For morale. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
84-122 (L)
RJ Barrett dribbles with energy from the opening whistle! This established player locked in!
This up-and-coming baller RJ Barrett throws up a prayer facing the rim! Not answered!
Magic Johnson with the errant pass! This certified GOAT candidate needs to settle down!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this oversized freak, can't keep up with the speed! Injury-prone body exposed!
This all-time great Michael Jordan fouls hard out of frustration! Heavy feet showing!
Halftime. The doctor examines RJ Barrett's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Did you know RJ Barrett knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Cleveland Twin-Towers's colors. By accident, obviously. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Magic Johnson forces up a buzzer-beater over the defense! Tendency to rush! Bad decision!
Donald Trump fades away a step slower than usual! Ego the size of Texas in the tank!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar blows past the Spalding right to the defense! Costly mistake by this generational talent!
Michael Jordan mutters to himself walking back! This first-ballot legend fighting inner demons!
RJ Barrett, this guy with a proven track record, takes the loss hard. Hot head at the wrong moments.
Magic Johnson scratches the back of his neck nervously. RJ Barrett has the look of someone who has seen things. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
93-126 (L)
Donald Trump gets the crowd going early! Setting the tone like a film producer on day one!
A floater from Donald Trump hits the iron! Defense that's basically a suggestion under the spotlight!
Magic Johnson coughs up the damn ball! Injury-prone body strikes again under the basket!
Donald Trump reacts too late to rotate! Heavy feet on the help side!
Donald Trump buries their face! Hidden from view, the film producer can't watch!
Players head to the locker room. Donald Trump has tape on three fingers. Did you know? Donald Trump has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
Michael Jordan with a rough bank shot on the low block! Lack of consistency at the worst time!
This first-ballot legend Michael Jordan calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Ego the size of Texas taking its toll!
RJ Barrett with the lazy pass! Defense that's basically a suggestion leading to easy points!
Magic Johnson drops the head after another miss! Hot head sapping the confidence!
This hall-of-fame lock Donald Trump congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this hall-of-fame lock.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar stares at the floor while Magic Johnson mutters something inaudible under his breath. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
94-125 (L)
Donald Trump steps onto the court! From greenlighting the risky picture to this, game time!
Michael Jordan with the off-balance bank shot! This undisputed superstar couldn't set the feet!
Michael Jordan tries to be too fancy and loses the Wilson! Defense that's basically a suggestion in the decision-making!
RJ Barrett gets posted up and scored on! This hooper's hooper overpowered!
Donald Trump lets fly and it's a half-court heave! This undisputed superstar proving the doubters wrong!
Cut! Halftime. Michael Jordan's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Physio's confession: Michael Jordan purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
Magic Johnson drives away from the huddle! This absolute legend in a dark place mentally!
RJ Barrett, this undersized spark plug, bobbles the ball and the chance evaporates facing the rim!
RJ Barrett dribbles the ball out of the trap! Iron discipline under pressure!
This established player RJ Barrett can't close out! The legs are shot from the left corner!
Michael Jordan attacks past the media. This guy with rings on every finger not in the mood to talk.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is the last one off the court, shoulders hunched. Donald Trump waits at the tunnel entrance. Did you know that Donald Trump practices film producer on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
95-103 (L)
This franchise cornerstone Magic Johnson catches the basketball early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Michael Jordan dribbles and fires but misses everything! Tendency to rush tonight!
This seasoned vet RJ Barrett dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this 7-footer, gets dunked on back to the basket! Poster material!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar with the tough sky hook through contact! This potential GOAT won't be denied!
Halftime. RJ Barrett's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. I've been told RJ Barrett always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Magic Johnson, this mammoth, pounds the scorer's table! Hot head on full display!
Michael Jordan, this basketball god, fumbles the finish back to the basket! Back to the drawing board!
This all-time great Kareem Abdul-Jabbar uses the floater over this tree of a man coverage! Smart!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is cramping up! This all-time great trying to shake it off! Injury-prone body!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this big fella, hangs the head. Tough loss despite scary good handles effort.
Magic Johnson walks like someone carrying the weight of the world. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar drags one foot after the other. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Elite ends the season #6 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Michael Jordan.
Season Journal
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. Ladies and gentlemen... Elite!
Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Michael Jordan. Just the name sends chills through the building. Standing at 198 cm, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face.
The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around.
And now, the moment nobody was waiting for but everybody is going to love: the coach signed Donald Trump. The man is a film producer. A freaking film producer. In a league where everybody is 6'8" and runs a 4.4 forty, he rolls up with their loaded checkbook and a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. His first instinct walking into the locker room? Ask where the coffee machine was. His second instinct? Try to dribble and bounce the ball straight into his own face. The teammates lost it. The coach just said "that's the kind of grit I was looking for." We still don't know if he was serious or completely hammered.
Budget: unlimited. Well technically there's a limit, but the owner decided to ignore it. We're in repeater tax territory, where every extra dollar of payroll costs FIVE dollars in penalties. The front office sweats with every new contract, the accountant has quit three times this year, but the owner keeps signing checks. The result? An absolute dream roster, the kind of team you build in NBA 2K when you turn on cheat mode. The downside? Zero flexibility. No first-round Draft picks, no free agent signings, no wiggle room whatsoever. It's all or nothing. And tonight, it's gonna be all.
Elite ends the season #6 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Michael Jordan.
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