all around — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 6 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | all around | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. Ladies and gentlemen... All around! Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for Victor Wembanyama! Picture this: standing at 224 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight. And the most terrifying thing about him? It's not the stats, it's not the size, it's the calm. You know that moment where the arena is on its feet, the clock is ticking down the final seconds, sweat is pouring... And he's just chewing his gum like he's waiting for the bus? Then he loads up. And drains it. Stone cold. In front of 20,000 people on the verge of cardiac arrest. That's what a franchise player is: the guy who carries everyone on his shoulders and still makes it look easy. And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed IShowSpeed. The man. Is. A rapper. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. A rapper. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got their hot mic and apparently, the technical motion of a rapper and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach. Now listen up, the owner has pulled out the checkbook and he's willing to eat the luxury tax penalties. We're in the big leagues. Two max contracts, well-paid veterans on every corner. They're all-in. Every extra dollar spent costs them three in taxes, but they don't care: they want to raise that trophy in June and they've got the firepower to back it up.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
101-119 (L)
This dude out of nowhere Saquon Barkley in the starting lineup! Let's see what this dude out of nowhere brings!
IShowSpeed gets blocked! Rejected harder than a rapper's worst day on the job!
Victor Wembanyama crosses over the damn ball right to the defense! Costly mistake by this seasoned vet!
Saquon Barkley, this swiss-army-knife type, gets exploited in the switch! Occasional mental lapses exposed in the mismatch!
What a play by Saquon Barkley! A sky hook driving to the hoop! This surprise package is cooking!
Halftime! IShowSpeed has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Fun fact: IShowSpeed blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Victor Wembanyama, this 7-footer, throws the hands up! Exasperated from the left corner!
Tim Duncan forces up a step-back three over the defense! Sometimes predictable game! Bad decision!
This surprise package Jordan Love sets the back screen! Natural-born leadership off-ball contribution!
IShowSpeed, this household name, is dragging! The 4 periods of 12 minutes minutes taking their toll!
Jordan Love, this swiss-army-knife type, hangs the head. Tough loss despite ridiculous creativity effort.
Jordan Love slams his fist on the bench. Tim Duncan places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. Behind the scenes, I learned Tim Duncan was also a rapper in a past life. You can feel it in the game. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
110-92 (W)
And we're underway! Saquon Barkley touches the basketball first! This unknown gem looks eager!
Tim Duncan goes coast to coast for a buzzer beater! This max-contract guy is relentless!
Saquon Barkley, this diamond in the rough, walls up driving to the hoop! Impenetrable defense!
This name that's buzzing Victor Wembanyama with the behind-the-back dish! Highlight-reel pass!
Saquon Barkley, this versatile guy, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! Eyes in the back of the head!
Halftime whistle. Jordan Love high-fives his teammates on the way out. Anecdote of the day: Jordan Love forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
This who-is-this-guy player Jordan Love is automatic driving to the hoop! A half-court heave drops again!
The crowd is on its feet! A Playoff atmosphere as Saquon Barkley takes the court!
Tim Duncan finds the open teammate! This multi-time All-Star making everyone better!
This game belongs to Tim Duncan! This multi-time All-Star stamping authority from downtown!
Tim Duncan tosses the ball in the air! A slide across the hardwood! This jersey-selling name mission accomplished!
Saquon Barkley and IShowSpeed leap onto each other like kids. Tim Duncan comes sprinting in and crushes them both. I learned backstage that IShowSpeed also does rapper on weekends. That explains those reflexes. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
106-105 (W)
Victor Wembanyama, this player making noise, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Saquon Barkley anticipates the cut and deflects the Spalding! This surprise package reading minds!
IShowSpeed, this do-it-all player, gets the look but can't convert driving to the hoop!
IShowSpeed blows past and fires a pull-up jumper! This smooth operator lighting it up!
IShowSpeed reads the defense like a book! Perfect play call from this rapper!
Halftime. Saquon Barkley throws his towel on the floor walking in. I've been told Saquon Barkley once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
Victor Wembanyama with the pressure-proof bank shot in the paint! After a timeout!
Tim Duncan slides the feet perfectly and forces a miss! An unmatched feel for the game in every step!
The energy in this building is unreal! IShowSpeed channeling an electric crowd!
Tim Duncan, this world-class player, keeps the team alive! A fadeaway jumper in overtime!
This big-name player Tim Duncan raises the arms! The win is in the books! A primal scream!
IShowSpeed does the floss while Jordan Love spins like a top. Saquon Barkley just stands there, arms crossed. Cool. I got a text from IShowSpeed after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
114-99 (W)
This franchise guy Tim Duncan comes out aggressive! Opens with a bucket from way beyond the arc!
Tim Duncan fades away through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
This franchise guy Tim Duncan with a critical stop! A crucial offensive board when it counts!
Victor Wembanyama threads the needle! Beautiful assist at half court! Unreal court vision!
This potential breakout star Saquon Barkley runs the pick-and-pop to perfection! Tactical mastery!
Break. Jordan Love collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Word is Jordan Love sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Victor Wembanyama pulls up and drills a euro-step! Can't teach that!
Victor Wembanyama steps back and the noise is deafening! An incredible energy! Wow!
This world-class player Tim Duncan celebrates the teammate's score! It's about the team!
They said a rapper couldn't play at this level. IShowSpeed and their hot mic disagree!
Jordan Love, this swiss-army-knife type, celebrates the win! A bench mob celebration! What a game!
Tim Duncan and Jordan Love carry IShowSpeed like a trophy across the entire court. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
100-120 (L)
Tim Duncan fires away with energy from the opening whistle! This franchise guy locked in!
Saquon Barkley fires a step-back three from downtown but can't connect! Sometimes predictable game showing!
IShowSpeed loses the Spalding! A rapper would never be this careless!
This total unknown Jordan Love picks up the cheap foul! Tendency to rush showing!
This bonafide star Tim Duncan with a picture-perfect bucket! The crowd goes wild!
Break! Tim Duncan rips his shoes off the second he reaches the locker room. Little secret: Tim Duncan listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
This diamond in the rough Jordan Love hangs the head after the miss! Deflated facing the rim!
IShowSpeed misses the triple! Three-pointers aren't like triple-checking the fiery bars!
Saquon Barkley, this unknown gem, manipulates the defense with the eyes! Pure God-given talent!
This guy with a proven track record Victor Wembanyama can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
This guy nobody was talking about Jordan Love shakes hands and moves on. In the end, occasional mental lapses proved costly.
Jordan Love avoids the cameras like the plague. IShowSpeed gets caught. Just says 'we'll be better'. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
94-112 (L)
Victor Wembanyama fires away onto the floor! The crowd roars for this solid pro!
This All-Star caliber talent Tim Duncan muscles up a thunderous slam but can't get it to fall!
This diamond in the rough Jordan Love with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
Tim Duncan gambles for the steal and pays the price! Ego the size of Texas!
A half-court heave by Tim Duncan at the buzzer! Scary good handles in every fiber!
Back to the locker room. Victor Wembanyama's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Little secret: Victor Wembanyama listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
This franchise guy Tim Duncan can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
This established star Tim Duncan whiffs on an alley-oop! The crowd groans!
Saquon Barkley, this swiss-army-knife type, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
This dark horse Saquon Barkley has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
Jordan Love blows past to the tunnel in disappointment. This unknown gem will learn from this.
Victor Wembanyama bites his lip, fists clenched. Saquon Barkley shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
117-102 (W)
Jordan Love steps back into position! This newcomer not wasting any time!
Tim Duncan dishes the basketball with flair and hits a euro-step! Sensational!
This potential breakout star Jordan Love with the no-foul contest at half court! Clean as a whistle!
Tim Duncan, this mountain of a man, runs the offense with that dawg mentality! Beautiful passing!
Tim Duncan pulls up the ball out of the trap! Ridiculous creativity under pressure!
Halftime. Saquon Barkley glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Word is Saquon Barkley sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
Victor Wembanyama dribbles and scores! A deep three! This walking skyscraper is a problem!
You can feel wild stands through the screen! Victor Wembanyama in the spotlight!
IShowSpeed puts ego aside! The team comes first for this guy with rings on every finger!
Tim Duncan, this established star, answers every challenge! A gym-rat work ethic never fading!
Saquon Barkley, this combo guard, takes the final bow! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench! Dominant display!
Saquon Barkley hits a dab in 2026. Jordan Love does an ironic dab. IShowSpeed has no idea what that is. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
111-100 (W)
This total unknown Jordan Love means business! Fast start from downtown!
Tim Duncan, this bonafide star, operates from the right corner with a half-court heave! Clinic!
Saquon Barkley, this swiss-army-knife type, walls off the drive from downtown! No way through!
This newcomer Saquon Barkley connects on the pick-and-roll! Assist for a sky hook!
This all-time great IShowSpeed calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Players head to the locker room. Saquon Barkley has tape on three fingers. I've been told Saquon Barkley always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
IShowSpeed drains a bank shot from under the basket! Textbook a gym-rat work ethic!
Immense pressure as Tim Duncan, this giant, is introduced! Goosebumps!
Victor Wembanyama, this up-and-coming baller, communicates the switch! Silky smooth technique and vocal leadership!
The arc of this game bends toward Saquon Barkley! This surprise package controlling destiny!
This established star Tim Duncan is all smiles! The stats back up the brilliance!
Victor Wembanyama takes a bow for the crowd. IShowSpeed bows to Victor Wembanyama. The nobility of basketball. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
106-115 (L)
This newcomer Saquon Barkley catches the ball early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
This player making noise Victor Wembanyama rattles it out! So close yet so far from the left corner!
Jordan Love takes off into a dead end under the basket! Turnover! Lack of consistency!
Jordan Love reacts too late to rotate! Limited stamina on the help side!
Victor Wembanyama with the highlight-reel devastating dunk! This seasoned vet owning the moment!
Rest. Saquon Barkley buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. They say Saquon Barkley eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
Jordan Love, this do-it-all player, sits down hard on the bench! Hot head written all over his face!
IShowSpeed fires and misses from the low block. Should have stuck with the fiery bars!
Victor Wembanyama, this player on the come-up, orchestrates the delay game! A gym-rat work ethic in action!
This dark horse Jordan Love calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Ego the size of Texas taking its toll!
Jordan Love, this unknown gem, takes the loss hard. Sometimes predictable game at the wrong moments.
IShowSpeed punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. Saquon Barkley slides down the wall to the floor. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
95-107 (L)
Tip-off! Jordan Love gets us started! Let's go!
Saquon Barkley crosses over and fires but misses everything! Tendency to force bad shots tonight!
Victor Wembanyama, this big fella, gets called for the carry! Sometimes predictable game in ball-handling!
This next-level player Victor Wembanyama gives up the offensive rebound! Lack of consistency when boxing out!
This jersey-selling name Tim Duncan punishes the defense with a hook shot off the pick and roll!
The players head in. Tim Duncan slips on the wet tunnel floor. Anecdote: Tim Duncan once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
IShowSpeed drives the towel! This hall-of-fame lock showing heavy feet!
IShowSpeed, this all-time great, comes up empty! A half-court heave off target in the paint!
Jordan Love pushes the pace in transition! A killer instinct showing in every play!
IShowSpeed short-arms the shot from fatigue! This basketball god has nothing left!
IShowSpeed walks off in defeat! Even a rapper's skills couldn't save tonight!
Victor Wembanyama whispers 'this can't be real' under his breath. Tim Duncan nods without conviction. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
78-112 (L)
This total unknown Jordan Love opens the scoring! A finger roll! Early advantage!
Victor Wembanyama, this player on the come-up, with the shot-clock heave! No good in transition!
Jordan Love fades away into a trap! Defense that's basically a suggestion when reading the defense!
Saquon Barkley scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Ego the size of Texas!
Jordan Love storms to the bench! This hidden prospect is visibly upset!
Halftime. The physio pounces on IShowSpeed to massage his thighs. Little scoop: IShowSpeed logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Victor Wembanyama, this colossus, loses the handle and the opportunity! Shaky emotions under pressure!
This raw talent Jordan Love is a warrior but the body says no! The four quarters of war!
Victor Wembanyama, this mountain of a man, gets the ball poked away! Tendency to rush when protecting the damn ball!
Jordan Love, this newcomer, yells at the coaching staff! Hot head causing friction!
Tim Duncan reflects on what could have been. Limited stamina the difference tonight.
Saquon Barkley lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Tim Duncan holds his in. I learned that Saquon Barkley's father was a rapper. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
101-95 (W)
IShowSpeed starts in the elite shooter! Playing the elite shooter the way a rapper plays with their hot mic!
Victor Wembanyama scores with freakish explosiveness. A double-clutch layup at the buzzer! Too smooth!
IShowSpeed slides to the passing lane and steals it! A killer instinct!
Jordan Love penetrates and dishes! Gorgeous feed from mid-range! Nerves of steel!
Victor Wembanyama reads the defense perfectly! Eyes in the back of the head and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Halftime. Victor Wembanyama is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Did you know? Victor Wembanyama launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Victor Wembanyama, this long boy, dominates driving to the hoop and puts up an alley-oop! Unstoppable!
The arena is electric! This unknown gem Jordan Love thriving in a crowd fully behind them!
Jordan Love goes to work the Spalding into the right hands! This dude out of nowhere quarterback!
Saquon Barkley dishes like a player possessed! Next-level basketball IQ unleashed!
IShowSpeed shakes hands! The handshake of a rapper who respects the fiery bars!
IShowSpeed and Jordan Love chest bump so hard they each fly back three meters. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
82-109 (L)
The game begins and Jordan Love is ready! You can see ridiculous creativity written all over his face!
Tim Duncan launches the leather into nothing! Hot head on full display tonight!
Tim Duncan with the errant pass! This franchise guy needs to settle down!
This dude putting the league on notice Victor Wembanyama caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Jordan Love, this potential breakout star, absolutely nails a double-clutch layup driving to the hoop! Take a bow!
Halftime whistle. Jordan Love spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Exclusive: Jordan Love was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
This raw talent Jordan Love shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Tim Duncan forces a step-back three at half court! This jersey-selling name trying too hard!
This dark horse Jordan Love attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
Saquon Barkley is gassed! This unknown gem bent over at half court! Occasional mental lapses catching up!
Victor Wembanyama walks off in silence. This dude putting the league on notice gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Saquon Barkley replays the score in his head on a loop. Tim Duncan tries to think about something else. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
92-112 (L)
This hungry young player Jordan Love gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Jordan Love dunks the Wilson awkwardly! The touch just isn't there for this who-is-this-guy player!
This jersey-selling name Tim Duncan gets pickpocketed under the basket! Sloppy handling!
IShowSpeed gets screened out! Stuck behind their hot mic like it's a wall!
Saquon Barkley strings together a tear drop under the basket. Pure God-given talent on full display!
The locker room. IShowSpeed sprawls out full-length on the bench. Did you know? IShowSpeed tried to become a rapper before basketball. The world dodged a bullet. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
Tim Duncan glares at the scoreboard! This max-contract guy not happy with the situation!
Tim Duncan misfires under the basket! Even this franchise guy has off nights!
Victor Wembanyama, this respected competitor, manages the clock beautifully in the second quarter!
Victor Wembanyama, this tree of a man, with tired legs under the basket! Tendency to force bad shots slowing this player making noise down!
Tim Duncan had the chances but couldn't convert. This certified bucket left wanting.
Tim Duncan walks like someone carrying the weight of the world. IShowSpeed drags one foot after the other. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
88-124 (L)
IShowSpeed stretches center court! Loosening up, the rapper is getting ready!
This franchise guy Tim Duncan short-arms a hook shot back to the basket! Not enough lift!
This guy everybody knows Tim Duncan with turnover number lengths ahead! Defense that's basically a suggestion is piling up!
Saquon Barkley bites on the pump fake! This total unknown sent flying facing the rim!
Victor Wembanyama crosses over angrily after the turnover! This name that's buzzing spiraling!
Halftime! Jordan Love checks his stats on the board and winces. Anecdote: Jordan Love once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
IShowSpeed with the ugly miss! The rapper touch is absent tonight!
Victor Wembanyama is running on pure willpower! This well-respected player refusing to quit!
This rising star Saquon Barkley loses concentration and the Spalding with it!
Jordan Love gets a technical for complaining! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display!
Saquon Barkley, this dude out of nowhere, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
IShowSpeed shakes Jordan Love's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
all around finishes #12 (6W-9L). Better luck next season! MVP: Victor Wembanyama.
Season Journal
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. Ladies and gentlemen... All around!
Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for Victor Wembanyama! Picture this: standing at 224 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight.
And the most terrifying thing about him? It's not the stats, it's not the size, it's the calm. You know that moment where the arena is on its feet, the clock is ticking down the final seconds, sweat is pouring... And he's just chewing his gum like he's waiting for the bus? Then he loads up. And drains it. Stone cold. In front of 20,000 people on the verge of cardiac arrest. That's what a franchise player is: the guy who carries everyone on his shoulders and still makes it look easy.
And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed IShowSpeed. The man. Is. A rapper. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. A rapper. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got their hot mic and apparently, the technical motion of a rapper and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach.
Now listen up, the owner has pulled out the checkbook and he's willing to eat the luxury tax penalties. We're in the big leagues. Two max contracts, well-paid veterans on every corner. They're all-in. Every extra dollar spent costs them three in taxes, but they don't care: they want to raise that trophy in June and they've got the firepower to back it up.
all around finishes #12 (6W-9L). Better luck next season! MVP: Victor Wembanyama.
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