My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇸🇬
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Denver Horse-Track | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | My Team | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby! Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but Superman is something else entirely. He's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. The man is massive, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This man feels the game. He knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. He reads passes like he's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery. And the most terrifying thing about him? It's not the stats, it's not the size, it's the calm. You know that moment where the arena is on its feet, the clock is ticking down the final seconds, sweat is pouring... And he's just chewing his gum like he's waiting for the bus? Then he loads up. And drains it. Stone cold. In front of 20,000 people on the verge of cardiac arrest. That's what a franchise player is: the guy who carries everyone on his shoulders and still makes it look easy. And now, the moment nobody was waiting for but everybody is going to love: the coach signed Juggernaut. The man is a superhero. A freaking superhero. In a league where everybody is 6'8" and runs a 4.4 forty, he rolls up with bare hands and a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. His first instinct walking into the locker room? Ask where the coffee machine was. His second instinct? Try to dribble and bounce the ball straight into his own face. The teammates lost it. The coach just said "that's the kind of grit I was looking for." We still don't know if he was serious or completely hammered. The budget? Look, I've seen GoFundMe campaigns with more money. We're below the salary floor, which means the league is literally going to HAND them cash to hit the legal minimum. It's embarrassing, but it's also a plan: tank hard, finish last, snag the first overall pick, and rebuild. The problem is they've been tanking for three years and never landed the top pick. Bad luck has a name, and it's this damn franchise.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
84-127 (L)
Bullseye, this next-level player, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
This basketball god Hulk short-arms a free throw under the basket! Not enough lift!
Superman dribbles it off their foot! Their bare hands would never betray a superhero like that!
Juggernaut overcommits and gets beat! Shaky emotions under pressure when reading the play!
Superman throws their hands up! Like a superhero when their bare hands breaks!
Back in the locker room, Goku sits down and stares at the ceiling. Confession: Goku calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
Superman penetrates but the shot rims out! Tendency to rush rears its ugly head!
Hulk bends over, hands on knees! Exhausted like a scientist after their lab notebook overtime!
Bullseye tries to be too fancy and loses the leather! Ego the size of Texas in the decision-making!
Goku mouths off on the final possession! A farmer venting about the stubborn soil!
Juggernaut absorbs the defeat! Taking it on the chin, a superhero knows tough days!
Juggernaut hurls his water bottle at the wall. Superman flinches but doesn't react. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
98-118 (L)
Hulk steps onto the temple of basketball! From discoverring the hidden truth to this, game time!
Hulk forces a bad half-court heave! This first-ballot legend needs to trust teammates!
Hulk coughs it up! A scientist's grip doesn't work on the damn ball!
Goku gives up the back door! Injury-prone body when overplaying!
Juggernaut scores from the elbow! Perfect angle, the superhero knows geometry!
Halftime. Juggernaut wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Fun fact: Juggernaut tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
Bullseye drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a mercenary's spirit has limits!
A deep three by Hulk on the low block is way off! Tough night for this generational talent!
This multi-time All-Star Goku recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
This franchise cornerstone Superman has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
Hulk, this potential GOAT, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Superman and Juggernaut share a single look. Just one. It contains all the disappointment in the world. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
114-105 (W)
Goku announces themselves! The farmer has arrived and the building knows it!
Bullseye dishes the orange with scary good handles. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
Goku with the denial defense! This guy everybody knows not giving an inch!
Hulk with the give-and-go! Teamwork from discoverring the hidden truth together!
Goku positions perfectly in the left wing! Placement of the seed dibber on the stubborn soil!
Halftime whistle. Hulk has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Little scoop: Hulk tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
Goku with the highlight-reel and-one! This top-tier talent owning the moment!
The crowd collectively holds its breath for Bullseye's shot! You could hear a pin drop!
Bullseye sets the perfect screen! Built like a mercenary who doesn't skip leg day!
Goku, this versatile guy, stands tall when the team needs this All-Star caliber talent most!
Superman ends on a high note! A superhero who finishes strong every time!
Hulk and Superman stare at each other in silence for five seconds. Then burst out laughing at the exact same time. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
98-99 (L)
Superman checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
The technical flair of Bullseye recalls their mercenary days. A buzzer-beater! Sublime!
Bullseye, this tweener, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over shaky emotions under pressure!
Juggernaut, this name that's buzzing, fumbles the finish on the low block! Back to the drawing board!
Hulk digs deep for the comeback! Deep as a scientist digs into their best work!
Break! Hulk has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Did you know Hulk plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
This dude putting the league on notice Bullseye gets called for the charge in the money time! Brutal!
Bullseye, this combo guard, waves off the play call! Lack of consistency hurting the team!
Hulk brings blue-collar their lab notebook grit to the field house!
Juggernaut can't convert the and-one! Competing the game was the easier task!
Bullseye takes the loss hard! Hard as the highest bidder on a bad mercenary day!
Hulk hurls his mouthguard into the trash. Bullseye keeps his in, chewing on the frustration. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
77-118 (L)
Bullseye, this all-around player, is introduced and the arena explodes! This legit talent is in the building!
Superman rushes a devastating dunk from downtown! Limited stamina creeping in!
Stolen from Superman! A superhero who let it slip through their fingers!
Hulk gets burned on the drive! Lack of consistency in lateral movement!
Superman buries their face! Hidden from view, the superhero can't watch!
Break! Bullseye takes his jersey off before even reaching the locker room. Intel: Bullseye asked Phoenix No-Defense for their energy drink recipe. They refused. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
Air ball from Juggernaut! Being a superhero doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
This jersey-selling name Goku can barely jump! The springs are gone from the left corner!
Bullseye with the errant pass! This player making noise needs to settle down!
Superman vents at their teammates! The superhero who vents about the game!
This certified GOAT candidate Hulk stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this certified GOAT candidate wanted.
Bullseye punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. Superman slides down the wall to the floor. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Bullseye's name. Forgive me. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
96-111 (L)
Goku locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a farmer who means business!
Goku can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this All-Star caliber talent!
Superman, this solid build, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted along the baseline!
This potential GOAT Superman gives up the offensive rebound! Heavy feet when boxing out!
Hulk, this swiss-army-knife type, uses every inch to deliver an alley-oop!
Halftime whistle. Superman flops into the first available chair. Did you know Superman plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Superman, this combo guard, pounds the scorer's table! Limited stamina on full display!
Bullseye, this player making noise, comes up empty! A devastating dunk off target from the right corner!
Juggernaut zones up! Defensive zone like a superhero's the game zone!
Hulk is cramping up! This global icon trying to shake it off! Injury-prone body!
Bullseye fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the mercenary gave everything!
Goku's lip is trembling. Bullseye dodges the cameras by pulling up his hood. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
81-115 (L)
Superman fires up the crowd to open the game! This living legend starting strong!
Goku clanks another one off the rim! This established star needs to find rhythm!
This all-time great Hulk gets pickpocketed facing the rim! Sloppy handling!
Juggernaut falls asleep on the weak side! Defense that's basically a suggestion exposed!
This hall-of-fame lock Superman gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Hulk walks head down toward the tunnel. Little scoop: Hulk logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
Bullseye launches and misses! The damn ball isn't the highest bidder, and it shows!
Juggernaut tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like a superhero's energy for the game!
Goku with the careless pass! Cultivating the stubborn soil with more care, please!
Hulk pounds the scorer's table! Frustrated! The scientist in them is showing!
This player on the come-up Bullseye shakes hands and moves on. In the end, shaky emotions under pressure proved costly.
Superman presses his forehead against the tunnel glass. Hulk walks right past without noticing. I learned that Superman's father was a farmer. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
77-122 (L)
Opening possession for Superman! First touch, like first touch of their bare hands!
This league veteran Juggernaut rattles it out! So close yet so far back to the basket!
Juggernaut throws it into the stands! What was that from this player making noise!
Juggernaut left in the dust! Even a superhero moves faster than that!
Goku tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the farmer will bounce back!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Superman walks head down toward the tunnel. Fun fact: Superman is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Juggernaut drives the Wilson into nothing! Ego the size of Texas on full display tonight!
Bullseye is dead on their feet! Running on fumes, the mercenary is spent!
Intercepted! Hulk's pass snatched right out of the air! A scientist would never be that careless!
Hulk waves off the play! The authority of a scientist in that gesture!
Hulk walks off in defeat! Even a scientist's skills couldn't save tonight!
Hulk refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. Juggernaut watches it and immediately regrets it. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
103-104 (L)
Goku stretches center court! Loosening up, the farmer is getting ready!
Goku with the step-back thunderous slam! Creating space like a farmer with the seed dibber!
Bullseye gets posterized! A mercenary framed by their blade in the worst way!
The rim rejects Bullseye! The rim says no! Even a mercenary gets rejected sometimes!
Juggernaut steals and scores! This next-level player cutting the gap off the pick and roll!
The players disappear. Bullseye has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Confession: Bullseye calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Bullseye gets stripped on the inbound pass! That's gonna be a costly turnover!
Hulk kicks the air! The frustration of a scientist who knows they can do better!
Goku's farmer colleagues watch from the stands, the stubborn soil banners held high!
Hulk sends the free throw long! Overcooked it, the scientist touch is off tonight!
Superman consoles teammates! The heart of a superhero in that moment!
Goku and Bullseye walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
80-122 (L)
Hulk bounces the pill pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
A hook shot from Hulk hits the iron! Ego the size of Texas under the spotlight!
This hooper's hooper Juggernaut with turnover number points! Ego the size of Texas is piling up!
Superman gets back-doored! Didn't see it, like not seeing the game behind their bare hands!
This global icon Superman fouls hard out of frustration! Sometimes predictable game showing!
Halftime whistle! Hulk slides down against the hallway wall. Intel: Hulk asked Denver Horse-Track for their energy drink recipe. They refused. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
Brick! Juggernaut misfires at the buzzer! Limited stamina at the worst time!
Hulk, this all-around player, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
Hulk commits the live-ball turnover! Their lab notebook would be ashamed!
Goku, this all-around player, sits down hard on the bench! Ego the size of Texas written all over his face!
Bullseye, this established player, takes the loss hard. Shaky emotions under pressure at the wrong moments.
Bullseye mutters while walking out. Goku watches from the corner of his eye, worried. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
82-126 (L)
Superman wins the opening tip! Tipping off with superhero energy!
Off the mark for Bullseye! Great mercenary, not so great at basketball tonight!
Goku botches the handoff! Even the seed dibber exchanges go smoother!
Bullseye gets caught flat-footed! This up-and-coming baller beaten to the spot!
Superman drives the towel! This generational talent showing shaky emotions under pressure!
That's a wrap for now. Bullseye dives into the tunnel. Anecdote: Bullseye fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Hulk shoots an air ball in a crowd fully behind them! A scientist lost in the noise!
Bullseye barely gets back on defense! Moving like a mercenary on a Friday afternoon!
Bullseye with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the highest bidder!
Goku slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a farmer hits the workbench!
Superman takes off to the tunnel in disappointment. This hall-of-fame lock will learn from this.
Hulk shakes Superman's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
91-100 (L)
The hardwood welcomes Juggernaut! The superhero with the game has arrived!
Juggernaut can't buy a bucket! Another miss off the pick and roll! Frustrating!
Bullseye throws it away! A pass worse than a mercenary tossing the highest bidder!
Goku loses their assignment! Like losing the seed dibber in the workshop!
Juggernaut, this established player, knifes through for a hook shot back to the basket! Wow!
Finally a breather. Bullseye has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Bus driver's confession: Bullseye raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
Hulk gets a technical for complaining! Tendency to force bad shots on full display!
Bullseye, this player on the come-up, can't convert the fast break! Wasted opportunity!
Hulk spaces the floor! Making room out there like a scientist clears the workspace!
Juggernaut spins but the legs won't cooperate! Shaky emotions under pressure catching up!
Superman reflects on what could have been. Tendency to rush the difference tonight.
Hulk lets out a nervous laugh that sends chills down your spine. Bullseye decides not to comment. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
83-122 (L)
Hulk comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the scientist means business!
Bullseye misses badly! Should have aimed like they aim their blade at the highest bidder!
Bullseye throws it into traffic! Reckless pass, the mercenary got too confident!
Hulk bites on the pump fake! This guy with rings on every finger sent flying driving to the hoop!
Hulk, this guy with rings on every finger, yells at the coaching staff! Hot head causing friction!
Both teams head in. Juggernaut has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Rumor has it Juggernaut tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
Juggernaut misses the triple! Three-pointers aren't like triple-checking the game!
Hulk drags their feet! Heavy as their lab notebook at the end of a shift!
This basketball god Hulk commits the 5-second violation! Clock management tendency to force bad shots!
This up-and-coming baller Bullseye can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Goku walks the tunnel in silence! Done for the night, back to farmer life tomorrow!
Superman sits on the bench, staring into nothing. Juggernaut has his head in his hands. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
75-119 (L)
Superman gets the crowd going early! Setting the tone like a superhero on day one!
Juggernaut, this smooth operator, can't finish from mid-range! That one stings!
Goku forces the pass! Forcing the seed dibber where it doesn't fit!
Hulk gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the hidden truth on a rough day!
Hulk shakes their head! A scientist who can't believe that just happened!
Halftime whistle. Hulk spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. They say Hulk has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Hulk misses! Even a scientist can't fix that shot!
Bullseye leans on their knees! Gassed, but the mercenary keeps going!
Goku, this tweener, gets the ball poked away! Lack of consistency when protecting the damn ball!
Juggernaut, this next-level player, with the frustrated foul! Hot head in tough moments!
Juggernaut vows to come back stronger! Stronger than their bare hands reinforced with the game!
Goku's lip is trembling. Bullseye dodges the cameras by pulling up his hood. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
80-116 (L)
Goku lands the first bank shot! First blood! The farmer strikes first!
Goku bricks it! Not the same accuracy as cultivating the stubborn soil!
Bullseye, this smooth operator, gets called for the carry! Injury-prone body in ball-handling!
Hulk gets blown by! Even a scientist couldn't stop that!
Goku glares at the orange! Like it personally betrayed this farmer!
Halftime whistle. Superman high-fives his teammates on the way out. Anecdote: Superman lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
Goku misses on the decisive possession! A farmer dropping the stubborn soil at the worst time!
Juggernaut is gassed! This well-respected player bent over at half court! Limited stamina catching up!
Hulk loses the rock! A scientist would never be this careless!
Goku, this jersey-selling name, barks at the teammate! Sometimes predictable game taking over!
Bullseye hangs their head! A mercenary who gave everything they had!
Juggernaut collapses into the first available chair. Hulk stays standing, eyes glazed over. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
My Team finishes #16 (1W-14L). Better luck next season! MVP: Superman.
Season journal
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