My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇸🇬
4 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 7 | Houston Blast-Off | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 8 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Denver Horse-Track | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 11 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Miami Heart-Attack | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | My Team | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Let's not beat around the bush: tonight is going to be one hell of a show. The arena is packed, the air is unbreathable with tension, and the lights just went out for the pregame laser show. We're talking about a franchise that has weathered every storm: lockouts, star injuries, catastrophic trades, rebuilds that never seemed to end. And they're still here, standing tall, with the same fire in their belly. This club is a survivor. And when survivors bite, they don't let go. The team with no name, baby! Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for Michael Jordan! Picture this: standing at 198 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight. But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Thanos. The man. Is. An amateur. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. An amateur. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got bare hands and apparently, the technical motion of an amateur and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach. The budget? It's "here, take my credit card and go nuts." The owner is a damn billionaire who wants a championship ring the way other people want a yacht. Every position is doubled up, every role player is a former All-Star, and the bench is so deep that the twelfth man on this team would start for half the league. It's an armada, a war machine, and everyone in this building knows that if these guys don't win the title, it's a goddamn scandal.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
89-133 (L)
Tim Duncan, this bonafide star, embraces the incredible energy! Game on!
This dude putting the league on notice Rajon Rondo shanks a pull-up jumper from way beyond the arc! That's uncharacteristic!
Rajon Rondo, this do-it-all player, gets called for the carry! Hot head in ball-handling!
Thanos scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Occasional mental lapses!
Thanos drops the head after another miss! Tendency to force bad shots sapping the confidence!
Halftime. Tim Duncan's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. True story: Tim Duncan had his parking spot stolen by Detroit Engine-Roar's mascot. Still talks about it. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Thanos can't buy a bucket! Another miss driving to the hoop! Frustrating!
Tim Duncan, this 7-footer, laboring up and down! Limited stamina draining the energy!
Rajon Rondo, this smooth operator, gets the ball poked away! Heavy feet when protecting the basketball!
This unknown gem Thanos fouls hard out of frustration! Hot head showing!
This jersey-selling name Tim Duncan congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this jersey-selling name.
Rajon Rondo stares at the floor while Michael Jordan mutters something inaudible under his breath. Evening confession: I'm wearing Rajon Rondo's jersey under my shirt. For morale. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
108-106 (W)
Tip-off! Michael Jordan gets us started! Let's go!
Tim Duncan, this headliner, shuts down the play driving to the hoop! Lockdown defender!
Thanos clanks another one off the rim! This player nobody saw coming needs to find rhythm!
Michael Jordan converts a tough pull-up jumper at the top of the key! Skill level: elite!
Michael Jordan, this beanpole, exploits the mismatch driving to the hoop! Smart play!
Halftime whistle! Thanos grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Quick anecdote about Thanos: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
This potential breakout star Thanos with the heroic sky-high block! Preserves the lead!
This world-class player Tim Duncan takes the charge along the baseline! Gutsy play!
Michael Jordan, this hall-of-fame lock, plays to the crowd! A packed arena is contagious!
Tim Duncan nails a sky hook with the shot clock winding down! Clutch!
Rajon Rondo, this swiss-army-knife type, celebrates the win! A slide across the hardwood! What a game!
Tim Duncan grabs Thanos and hoists him onto his shoulders. Michael Jordan tries to climb on too. It ends in a pile. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
85-106 (L)
And we're underway! Michael Jordan touches the pill first! This franchise cornerstone looks eager!
A deep three from Tim Duncan hits the iron! Occasional mental lapses under the spotlight!
This guy with rings on every finger Michael Jordan commits the offensive foul! Turnover from downtown!
Rajon Rondo gets burned on the drive! Heavy feet in lateral movement!
Thanos fires away past the defense for a tear drop! Size advantage from this this smooth operator!
Halftime whistle. Thanos spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Did you know? Thanos has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
This legit talent Rajon Rondo throws an elbow in frustration! Ego the size of Texas on full display!
Brick! Tim Duncan misfires from downtown! Lack of consistency at the worst time!
Rajon Rondo spaces the floor perfectly! Great read of the system!
Michael Jordan, this guy with rings on every finger, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
This total unknown Thanos leaves the den with head held high. Fought to the end.
Thanos isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Tim Duncan tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. I got a text from Thanos after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
91-114 (L)
Tim Duncan, this mammoth, announced to huge cheers! A boiling cauldron!
Thanos goes to work but the shot rims out! Defense that's basically a suggestion rears its ugly head!
Rajon Rondo, this combo guard, commits the travel! Tendency to force bad shots in the footwork!
This basketball god Michael Jordan misjudges the passing lane! Easy assist through!
Rajon Rondo dribbles the pill with next-level basketball IQ. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
The locker room. Tim Duncan sprawls out full-length on the bench. Staff confession: Tim Duncan is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
Michael Jordan blows past the towel! This living legend showing lack of consistency!
Tim Duncan launches and fires but misses everything! Sometimes predictable game tonight!
Rajon Rondo, this solid build, sets a brick-wall screen! That dawg mentality on full display!
Rajon Rondo, this all-around player, looks exhausted off the pick and roll! The legs are gone!
Michael Jordan sits alone on the bench. This potential GOAT processing the defeat.
Tim Duncan shakes Thanos's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
92-125 (L)
This top-tier talent Tim Duncan opens the scoring! A finger roll! Early advantage!
Thanos launches the orange but it won't fall! Cold streak continues!
Rajon Rondo rises up into a trap! Limited stamina when reading the defense!
Tim Duncan, this tower, gets blown by on the perimeter! Defense that's basically a suggestion in the legs!
Rajon Rondo goes to work and kicks the stanchion! This guy with a proven track record losing composure!
End of the first act. Tim Duncan is puffing like a steam engine heading back. They say Tim Duncan has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Tim Duncan, this mountain of a man, loses the handle and the opportunity! Tendency to rush!
This respected competitor Rajon Rondo has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
Michael Jordan pulls up the ball right to the defense! Costly mistake by this certified GOAT candidate!
This guy with a proven track record Rajon Rondo slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Rajon Rondo, this tweener, hangs the head. Tough loss despite a gym-rat work ethic effort.
Tim Duncan whispers 'this can't be real' under his breath. Rajon Rondo nods without conviction. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
77-114 (L)
Rajon Rondo, this league veteran, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Rajon Rondo forces a bad alley-oop! This solid pro needs to trust teammates!
This hall-of-fame lock Michael Jordan gets pickpocketed on the low block! Sloppy handling!
Thanos reacts too late to rotate! Occasional mental lapses on the help side!
This household name Michael Jordan hangs the head after the miss! Deflated along the baseline!
The locker room fills up. Thanos has already eaten three oranges. Intel: Thanos refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
A scoop layup from Rajon Rondo catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
Michael Jordan attacks sluggishly! Tendency to rush catching up with this all-time great!
This All-Star caliber talent Tim Duncan dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Rajon Rondo, this next-level player, with the frustrated foul! Ego the size of Texas in tough moments!
Michael Jordan shoots to the tunnel in disappointment. This hall-of-fame lock will learn from this.
Tim Duncan collapses into the first available chair. Michael Jordan stays standing, eyes glazed over. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
91-104 (L)
This guy everybody knows Tim Duncan gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Tim Duncan, this guy everybody knows, comes up empty! A devastating dunk off target off the pick and roll!
Michael Jordan tries to be too fancy and loses the pill! Injury-prone body in the decision-making!
Tim Duncan, this long boy, lets the shooter get free facing the rim! Costly lapse!
Thanos with the smooth scoop layup! This total unknown making it look easy!
Break! Michael Jordan grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Small detail: Michael Jordan wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
Rajon Rondo mutters to himself walking back! This legit talent fighting inner demons!
This player on the come-up Rajon Rondo short-arms a fadeaway jumper along the baseline! Not enough lift!
Michael Jordan, this colossus, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
Michael Jordan, this franchise cornerstone, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
This certified bucket Tim Duncan stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this certified bucket wanted.
Michael Jordan shakes Rajon Rondo's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
100-106 (L)
This guy everybody knows Tim Duncan comes out firing! A free throw in the first minute!
Rajon Rondo fires a half-court heave from mid-range but can't connect! Injury-prone body showing!
Rajon Rondo, this tweener, steps out of bounds with the basketball! Mental lapse!
Michael Jordan, this mountain of a man, gets dunked on in the paint! Poster material!
Michael Jordan, this potential GOAT, threads the needle for a hook shot from mid-range!
Halftime whistle. Michael Jordan flops into the first available chair. Confession: Michael Jordan believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
Michael Jordan, this long boy, shows negative body language! Tendency to rush creeping in!
Thanos, this hidden prospect, fumbles the finish under the basket! Back to the drawing board!
Michael Jordan, this mountain of a man, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! Scary good handles!
Thanos, this hidden prospect, is dragging! The this ball game minutes taking their toll!
Michael Jordan penetrates past the media. This basketball god not in the mood to talk.
Tim Duncan's complexion is grey. Thanos's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
95-121 (L)
Michael Jordan pulls up with energy from the opening whistle! This once-in-a-lifetime player locked in!
Rajon Rondo, this solid build, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this hooper's hooper!
Tim Duncan charges right into the defender! Turnover! Defense that's basically a suggestion when controlling pace!
Rajon Rondo overcommits and gets beat! Defense that's basically a suggestion when reading the play!
A bank shot from Tim Duncan from mid-range! That's a certified bucket-getter!
That's a cut. Thanos stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Fun fact: Thanos tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
Michael Jordan, this generational talent, refuses to high-five! Shaky emotions under pressure hurting the chemistry!
This generational talent Michael Jordan misfires again! Occasional mental lapses could cost the team!
This legit talent Rajon Rondo calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Rajon Rondo, this all-around player, with tired legs from downtown! Limited stamina slowing this hooper's hooper down!
Rajon Rondo walks off in silence. This player on the come-up gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Michael Jordan is the last one off the court, shoulders hunched. Thanos waits at the tunnel entrance. I learned that Michael Jordan's father was a volunteer firefighter. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
86-131 (L)
Rajon Rondo looks dialed in from the start! Eyes in the back of the head preparation showing!
Tim Duncan fades away but it's well off! Tendency to rush under fatigue!
Thanos passes to nobody! This guy nobody was talking about with a head-scratching decision!
This certified GOAT candidate Michael Jordan gives up the offensive rebound! Limited stamina when boxing out!
Michael Jordan, this undisputed superstar, barks at the teammate! Defense that's basically a suggestion taking over!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Tim Duncan walks head down toward the tunnel. Fun fact: Tim Duncan tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
A floater by Thanos driving to the hoop is way off! Tough night for this dark horse!
Rajon Rondo, this solid pro, sucking wind after that sprint! This ball game of battle!
Rajon Rondo with the backcourt violation! This respected competitor under too much pressure!
This raw talent Thanos can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Michael Jordan, this global icon, takes the loss hard. Ego the size of Texas at the wrong moments.
Tim Duncan chews his nails on the bench. Thanos stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. Did you know that Thanos practices volunteer firefighter on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
82-126 (L)
Thanos, this all-around player, sets the tone immediately! Iron discipline from the jump!
Rajon Rondo, this swiss-army-knife type, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Thanos coughs up the orange! Hot head strikes again on the low block!
Michael Jordan, this long boy, gets exploited in the switch! Ego the size of Texas exposed in the mismatch!
Thanos slams the Spalding in frustration! Ego the size of Texas on full display!
Heading in. Michael Jordan's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Intel: Michael Jordan asked New York Over-Timers for their energy drink recipe. They refused. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Tim Duncan, this multi-time All-Star, pulls the trigger from the left corner but no luck!
This big-name player Tim Duncan can't close out! The legs are shot off the pick and roll!
This max-contract guy Tim Duncan loses concentration and the pill with it!
Tim Duncan glares at the scoreboard! This franchise guy not happy with the situation!
This guy with a proven track record Rajon Rondo shakes hands and moves on. In the end, tendency to rush proved costly.
Tim Duncan whispers 'this can't be real' under his breath. Michael Jordan nods without conviction. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
89-134 (L)
Thanos takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Tim Duncan with the off-balance free throw! This top-tier talent couldn't set the feet!
Rajon Rondo with the errant pass! This well-respected player needs to settle down!
Tim Duncan turns the head and loses the man! This jersey-selling name napping defensively!
This respected competitor Rajon Rondo stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Halftime! Thanos is limping slightly heading off the court. They say Thanos has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
Tim Duncan, this All-Star caliber talent, can't convert the fast break! Wasted opportunity!
Michael Jordan grabs the shorts! This living legend is running on fumes!
Thanos with a wild pass that sails out! This dark horse giving it away!
Rajon Rondo, this all-around player, pounds the scorer's table! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display!
Tim Duncan, this towering presence, trudges off the gym. Lessons to take from this one.
Michael Jordan walks head down toward the tunnel. Tim Duncan drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
89-124 (L)
Rajon Rondo crosses over onto the floor! The crowd roars for this hooper's hooper!
Thanos, this all-around player, bobbles the Wilson and the chance evaporates along the baseline!
Michael Jordan launches into a dead end in the paint! Turnover! Ego the size of Texas!
Tim Duncan gets screened out of the play! This big-name player lost in traffic!
Tim Duncan, this elite player, yells at the coaching staff! Lack of consistency causing friction!
Halftime. Rajon Rondo is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Did you know Rajon Rondo knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Boston Ring-Chasers's colors. By accident, obviously. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
Thanos, this newcomer, with a contested bucket that misses at the buzzer!
Michael Jordan steps back but the legs won't cooperate! Tendency to force bad shots catching up!
Rajon Rondo with the lazy pass! Limited stamina leading to easy points!
Thanos picks up the second technical! This rising star ejected! Ego the size of Texas!
This headliner Tim Duncan tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Tim Duncan turns back to look at the court one last time. Thanos doesn't turn around. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
75-119 (L)
This top-tier talent Tim Duncan means business! Fast start from the right corner!
Michael Jordan takes off the basketball into nothing! Ego the size of Texas on full display tonight!
Tim Duncan throws it into the stands! What was that from this franchise guy!
This newcomer Thanos picks up the cheap foul! Ego the size of Texas showing!
This up-and-coming baller Rajon Rondo gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Back to the locker room. Tim Duncan's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Anecdote: Tim Duncan threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Tim Duncan forces a bank shot from mid-range! This bonafide star trying too hard!
This total unknown Thanos is a warrior but the body says no! The allotted time of war!
Thanos attacks carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
This first-ballot legend Michael Jordan shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Rajon Rondo had the chances but couldn't convert. This seasoned vet left wanting.
Thanos mutters while walking out. Michael Jordan watches from the corner of his eye, worried. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
79-123 (L)
Thanos fires up the crowd to open the game! This guy nobody was talking about starting strong!
Thanos with the contested floater at the top of the key! No good! Bad selection!
Rajon Rondo, this smooth operator, fumbles the entry pass facing the rim!
Michael Jordan gets crossed over! This household name left frozen back to the basket!
Thanos can't mask the disappointment! This diamond in the rough wearing it on the sleeve!
The players head to the locker room. Rajon Rondo is sweating like a racehorse. True story: Rajon Rondo had his parking spot stolen by Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest's mascot. Still talks about it. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
This once-in-a-lifetime player Michael Jordan with a rare miss on the low block! Even the best stumble!
Rajon Rondo is gassed! This respected competitor bent over at half court! Limited stamina catching up!
Rajon Rondo, this combo guard, gets stripped in the paint! Hot head exposed!
Rajon Rondo storms to the bench! This established player is visibly upset!
Tim Duncan reflects on what could have been. Heavy feet the difference tonight.
Thanos slams his fist on the bench. Rajon Rondo places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
My Team finishes #16 (1W-14L). Better luck next season! MVP: Michael Jordan.
Season journal
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