My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | My Team | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Shut the hell up for two seconds and listen to that sound. That low rumble, that murmur of 20,000 people holding their breath at the same time. That's the sound of an arena that knows tonight is going to be something. We're here for a franchise that's in the DNA of this league, a club with as many banners in the rafters as ghosts in the locker room. Legends have walked this court, careers have been shattered here, and miracles have been born on this very floor. Tonight, we write the next chapter. The team with no name, baby! Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Victor Wembanyama. Standing at 224 cm, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction. But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. Attention, things are about to get serious. Actually no, things are about to go completely off the rails. The front office signed Superman. The man is a superhero. Yes, you heard that right. A superhero. On a basketball court. With bare hands in his gym bag and zero understanding of what a pick-and-roll is. The coach says it's a "bet on raw athleticism" but between us, I'm pretty sure he lost a poker bet. Superman had his first practice yesterday and asked if the free throw line was home plate. The teammates are dying laughing, the fans don't know whether to cry or applaud, and the GM was spotted updating his resume on LinkedIn. The budget? Astronomical. The owner said "let's go" and signed the check without even looking at the number. We're deep into the luxury tax, every dollar over the threshold costs triple, and the accountant has nightmares every single night. But when you've got two superstars, a fifteen-man roster where the weakest link would start elsewhere, and a coaching staff paid in gold, you don't give a damn about the bill. It's championship or bust, and they've chosen their side.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
97-120 (L)
Game time! Jesus Christ and this undisputed superstar ready to put on a show at the gymnasium!
Jesus Christ with a rough reverse layup back to the basket! Defense that's basically a suggestion at the worst time!
Victor Wembanyama throws it into the stands! What was that from this league veteran!
Victor Wembanyama gets screened out of the play! This respected competitor lost in traffic!
Superman scores with that dawg mentality. A thunderous slam on the low block! Too smooth!
Halftime whistle. Yao Ming spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. The staff told me Yao Ming sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
Jesus Christ can't mask the disappointment! This living legend wearing it on the sleeve!
Brick! Superman misfires from the left corner! Injury-prone body at the worst time!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Jesus Christ adjusts at halftime and comes out sharp! Adaptation!
Superman is spent! Used up like the game after a superhero's long day!
Barry Allen shakes hands through the pain! A superhero who respects their bare hands and the game!
Yao Ming takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Victor Wembanyama follows the same path. I got a text from Yao Ming after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
100-92 (W)
Victor Wembanyama takes off onto the floor! The crowd roars for this well-respected player!
This generational talent Jesus Christ capitalizes along the baseline! An alley-oop with unreal swagger!
This respected competitor Victor Wembanyama reads the play and intercepts! Brilliant anticipation!
Superman, this do-it-all player, finds the trailer! A step-back three off the assist, easy money!
Superman shoots to the right spot! Scary good handles off-ball movement!
Into the tunnel. Victor Wembanyama grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Little scoop: Victor Wembanyama collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Superman adds to the total! A superhero who always exceeds expectations!
An incredible energy fills the arena! This once-in-a-lifetime player Superman feeds off the energy!
This hall-of-fame lock Jesus Christ dives for the loose ball! An unmatched feel for the game on every play!
Jesus Christ, this solid build, sets the tone with iron discipline! Leader!
Victor Wembanyama fades away into the tunnel with the W! This player making noise all smiles!
Superman and Victor Wembanyama run circles around Barry Allen who doesn't move. Zen. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
112-81 (W)
This dude putting the league on notice Victor Wembanyama comes out firing! An alley-oop in the first minute!
Superman with the reverse layup! Creative as a superhero with the game!
Barry Allen with the wraparound pass! Smooth hands from all that superhero work!
Yao Ming, this walking skyscraper, muscles in for a thunderous slam! Pure power!
Barry Allen takes the ball right out of their hands! Grip of a superhero!
End of the first act. Jesus Christ is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Little scoop: Jesus Christ collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
Jesus Christ scores from the elbow! Perfect angle, the messiah knows geometry!
Barry Allen dunks with confidence! The game is well in hand for this player making noise!
Barry Allen asked for their bare hands during a free throw! That's cheating!
Yao Ming attacks and moonwalks back! A team high-five! It's showtime, baby!
Jesus Christ pulls up in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
Superman and Barry Allen share a 30-second hug. Victor Wembanyama wants in. Gets pushed away. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
98-108 (L)
Jesus Christ checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Victor Wembanyama rushes a thunderous slam under the basket! Tendency to rush creeping in!
Sloppy handling by Jesus Christ! Competing the game is done with more finesse!
This up-and-coming baller Barry Allen caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Superman with another pull-up jumper! You can't stop this man!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Jesus Christ picks up the pace. Juicy intel: Jesus Christ turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
This guy with a proven track record Victor Wembanyama shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Barry Allen can't find the range! Their bare hands has better accuracy than that!
Victor Wembanyama spaces the floor perfectly! Great read of the system!
Superman tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like a superhero's energy for the game!
Victor Wembanyama, this colossus, hangs the head. Tough loss despite silky smooth technique effort.
Barry Allen's eyes are glassy. Superman mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
110-112 (L)
Superman, this smooth operator, is introduced and the arena explodes! This basketball god is in the building!
An alley-oop from Yao Ming from mid-range! That's a statement right there!
Victor Wembanyama gets caught flat-footed! This legit talent beaten to the spot!
Yao Ming misses the open look! This world-class player can't believe it! Limited stamina!
Barry Allen sparks the comeback! The superhero fire from their bare hands ignites the field house!
Halftime! Barry Allen walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Exclusive: Barry Allen was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Barry Allen, this player making noise, misses the potential game-winner! Heavy feet!
Yao Ming slams the pill in frustration! Ego the size of Texas on full display!
Barry Allen, this well-respected player, is playing with nothing to lose! Watch out, this well-respected player is dangerous!
Yao Ming can't convert in the second quarter! This established star shrinks in the moment!
Victor Wembanyama penetrates to the tunnel in disappointment. This respected competitor will learn from this.
Victor Wembanyama chews his nails on the bench. Superman stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
120-103 (W)
Superman opens with a euro-step! This all-time great making an early statement!
Barry Allen pulls up and drills a fadeaway jumper! Can't teach that!
Jesus Christ, this once-in-a-lifetime player, walls up along the baseline! Impenetrable defense!
Superman with the bounce pass! The pill bouncing with precision worthy of their bare hands!
This bonafide star Yao Ming uses the floater over this giant coverage! Smart!
Halftime whistle! Superman grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Word is Superman sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Barry Allen hits the triple! Three lengths ahead, three cheers for this superhero turned baller!
The entire arena rises for Jesus Christ! A messiah lifted by their bare hands and love!
Barry Allen, this solid build, repositions on defense! An unmatched feel for the game collective effort!
The announcers share Jesus Christ's messiah story,competing the game since age 16!
Superman has the last say! Final word from a superhero about the game!
Superman and Victor Wembanyama swap jerseys with each other. Makes no sense but it's the emotion talking. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
124-88 (W)
The den welcomes Jesus Christ! The messiah with the game has arrived!
Yao Ming, this franchise guy, knifes through for a pull-up jumper on the low block! Wow!
Barry Allen fades away into the lane and kicks out! Insane court vision and great decision-making!
A finger roll from Victor Wembanyama driving to the hoop! That's a certified bucket-getter!
Superman with the chase-down charge taken! Running like a superhero chasing the game!
Halftime whistle! Victor Wembanyama slides down against the hallway wall. Rumor has it Victor Wembanyama has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
Jesus Christ attacks and converts! A layup from downtown! Money!
Yao Ming, this reliable star, with the dagger and then some! An alley-oop!
Victor Wembanyama pulls up and the damn ball goes into the stands! Free souvenir!
Barry Allen silences the away crowd! Ice-cold a bench mob celebration! Love it!
Jesus Christ caps a perfect night! Clean as a messiah on their best day!
Superman jumps so high from joy he nearly touches the scoreboard. Almost. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
112-107 (W)
Jesus Christ locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a messiah who means business!
Victor Wembanyama times it perfectly and rejects the shot! A crucial offensive board back to the basket!
Yao Ming misfires facing the rim! Even this big-name player has off nights!
What a shot from Jesus Christ! A messiah bringing their bare hands energy to the field house!
This name that's buzzing Barry Allen adjusts the angle mid-drive! Pure God-given talent body control!
The locker room fills up. Victor Wembanyama has already eaten three oranges. Anecdote: Victor Wembanyama threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Barry Allen silences the crowd! Quiet authority of a superhero with their bare hands!
Yao Ming slides the feet perfectly and forces a miss! A gym-rat work ethic in every step!
Superman, this undisputed superstar, plays to the crowd! A boiling cauldron is contagious!
Barry Allen pulls up for the game-tying free throw! Late in the quarter! Unbelievable!
Jesus Christ carries the team to victory! Strong as a messiah on a Monday morning!
Jesus Christ and Victor Wembanyama do the conga. Alone. On an empty court. Nobody joins in. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
106-111 (L)
Opening possession for Barry Allen! First touch, like first touch of their bare hands!
Superman goes baseline and scores! The game prepared them for this moment!
Jesus Christ watches them score! Just watching, like watching their bare hands gather dust!
Barry Allen forces a bad catch-and-shoot triple! This guy with a proven track record needs to trust teammates!
Superman with the and-one that swings it! Swinging like their bare hands!
Intermission. Superman dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Locker room intel: Superman has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
Barry Allen misses the game-tying shot! Even a superhero couldn't save that one!
Jesus Christ shakes their head! A messiah who can't believe that just happened!
Superman told reporters: 'being a superhero and playing here, same fire!'
Victor Wembanyama gets stripped at the last second! That's gonna be a costly turnover!
Superman leaves the venue quietly! Quiet as a superhero after the game setback!
Yao Ming pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Superman takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
90-133 (L)
Superman lands the first buzzer beater! First blood! The superhero strikes first!
This hooper's hooper Victor Wembanyama misses the mark! A buzzer-beater goes begging back to the basket!
Superman, this combo guard, steps out of bounds with the basketball! Mental lapse!
Superman turns the head and loses the man! This undisputed superstar napping defensively!
Yao Ming gets a technical for complaining! Ego the size of Texas on full display!
Players head to the locker room. Barry Allen has tape on three fingers. Bus driver's confession: Barry Allen raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Jesus Christ blows past the pill awkwardly! The touch just isn't there for this first-ballot legend!
Superman takes the rest play! Even a superhero needs a breather!
Jesus Christ blows past into a dead end at the buzzer! Turnover! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
This living legend Superman gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
This league veteran Victor Wembanyama shakes hands and moves on. In the end, shaky emotions under pressure proved costly.
Superman pulls his cap down over his eyes. Yao Ming doesn't have a cap, and it shows. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
106-105 (W)
Yao Ming fires away into position! This certified bucket not wasting any time!
Barry Allen with the weak-side block! Appearing from nowhere like a superhero finding the game!
Barry Allen launches a thunderous slam and... Airball! Limited stamina at its peak!
Victor Wembanyama with the crafty euro-step! An unmatched feel for the game on display!
Jesus Christ plays the chess match! Outsmarted them like a messiah on their best day!
Halftime! Barry Allen looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Anecdote of the day: Barry Allen forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
Jesus Christ with the biggest play of the game! A reverse layup from way beyond the arc!
Superman steals the ball! Quick hands from competing the game all day!
Yao Ming lets fly and the crowd chants the name! Listen to that noise!
Yao Ming comes alive in the third quarter! A thunderous slam at half court! Clutch!
Victor Wembanyama, this 7-footer, takes the final bow! A primal scream! Dominant display!
Jesus Christ grabs Barry Allen and hoists him onto his shoulders. Victor Wembanyama tries to climb on too. It ends in a pile. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
106-102 (W)
Yao Ming, this tower, takes the court! The cathedral silence is electric!
This guy with rings on every finger Superman with the volleyball spike a left-handed block! Emphatic!
This well-respected player Victor Wembanyama throws up a prayer at the buzzer! Not answered!
A bank shot by Yao Ming driving to the hoop! Ridiculous creativity in every fiber!
Jesus Christ, this versatile guy, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
First half is done. Barry Allen is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Fun fact: Barry Allen is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Yao Ming with the go-ahead buzzer-beater! This multi-time All-Star seizes the moment!
Barry Allen with a surgical steal! The reflexes of a superhero catching the game!
Jesus Christ in a packed arena! This potential GOAT has been waiting for this stage!
Jesus Christ makes the crucial stop! Plugging the leak, that's what a messiah does!
Victor Wembanyama, this solid pro, high-fives the bench! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd! Team effort!
Jesus Christ drops to his knees and kisses the court. Yao Ming pretends to gag. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
102-106 (L)
Jesus Christ huddles with the team! Huddling up, the messiah strategizes!
Jesus Christ scores a bucket! Their bare hands by day, buckets by night!
Victor Wembanyama, this mountain of a man, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over tendency to force bad shots!
Superman attacks but the shot rims out! Occasional mental lapses rears its ugly head!
Barry Allen with the steal that changes everything! Their bare hands reflexes!
Halftime whistle. Jesus Christ high-fives his teammates on the way out. Little scoop: Jesus Christ collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Superman turns it over on a strategic timeout! Worst time to drop the pill!
Yao Ming glares at the scoreboard! This All-Star caliber talent not happy with the situation!
Barry Allen, the superhero from the day shift, is writing their story on the gym tonight!
Yao Ming explodes and bricks it! Injury-prone body in crunch time!
Jesus Christ sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a messiah after their bare hands broke!
Superman replays the score in his head on a loop. Yao Ming tries to think about something else. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
80-110 (L)
Barry Allen, this next-level player, embraces the standing ovation! Game on!
Barry Allen, this do-it-all player, gets the look but can't convert from downtown!
Yao Ming with the backcourt violation! This established star under too much pressure!
Yao Ming loses the screen battle! Ego the size of Texas around the picks!
Victor Wembanyama drops the head after another miss! Tendency to force bad shots sapping the confidence!
Halftime. Victor Wembanyama glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Rumor has it Victor Wembanyama does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
Superman with a wild attempt! This potential GOAT not finding the range tonight!
This name that's buzzing Victor Wembanyama can't close out! The legs are shot facing the rim!
Jesus Christ coughs it up! A messiah's grip doesn't work on the Spalding!
Jesus Christ, this versatile guy, waves off the play call! Tendency to force bad shots hurting the team!
This up-and-coming baller Victor Wembanyama congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this up-and-coming baller.
Yao Ming takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Victor Wembanyama doesn't drink. Throat too tight. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
78-115 (L)
Victor Wembanyama looks dialed in from the start! Eyes in the back of the head preparation showing!
A bucket from Jesus Christ sails wide! This global icon needs to regroup!
Yao Ming, this mountain of a man, gets called for the carry! Ego the size of Texas in ball-handling!
This seasoned vet Victor Wembanyama can't recover! Scored on from the right corner! Shaky emotions under pressure!
Barry Allen storms to the bench! This dude putting the league on notice is visibly upset!
Intermission. Victor Wembanyama dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Did you know Victor Wembanyama entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
Jesus Christ lets fly and fires but misses everything! Sometimes predictable game tonight!
Jesus Christ wipes sweat with the kicks! Drenched, the messiah has been putting in work!
Barry Allen botches the handoff! Even their bare hands exchanges go smoother!
Victor Wembanyama, this well-respected player, with the frustrated foul! Lack of consistency in tough moments!
Jesus Christ tells reporters: 'Tomorrow we competes better, like the game!'
Superman's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Jesus Christ breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
My Team ends the season #9 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: Victor Wembanyama.
Season Journal
Shut the hell up for two seconds and listen to that sound. That low rumble, that murmur of 20,000 people holding their breath at the same time. That's the sound of an arena that knows tonight is going to be something. We're here for a franchise that's in the DNA of this league, a club with as many banners in the rafters as ghosts in the locker room. Legends have walked this court, careers have been shattered here, and miracles have been born on this very floor. Tonight, we write the next chapter. The team with no name, baby!
Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Victor Wembanyama. Standing at 224 cm, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction.
But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it.
Attention, things are about to get serious. Actually no, things are about to go completely off the rails. The front office signed Superman. The man is a superhero. Yes, you heard that right. A superhero. On a basketball court. With bare hands in his gym bag and zero understanding of what a pick-and-roll is. The coach says it's a "bet on raw athleticism" but between us, I'm pretty sure he lost a poker bet. Superman had his first practice yesterday and asked if the free throw line was home plate. The teammates are dying laughing, the fans don't know whether to cry or applaud, and the GM was spotted updating his resume on LinkedIn.
The budget? Astronomical. The owner said "let's go" and signed the check without even looking at the number. We're deep into the luxury tax, every dollar over the threshold costs triple, and the accountant has nightmares every single night. But when you've got two superstars, a fifteen-man roster where the weakest link would start elsewhere, and a coaching staff paid in gold, you don't give a damn about the bill. It's championship or bust, and they've chosen their side.
My Team ends the season #9 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: Victor Wembanyama.
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