My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 9 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | My Team | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby! Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Benjamin Netanyahu. Standing at 184 cm, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction. His teammate told me something last week that gave me chills. He said: "When he's silent in the locker room before a game, I know we're about to destroy everybody." The man doesn't talk, he executes. He doesn't celebrate, he absorbs. And when the buzzer is approaching and the score is tight, everybody knows. The teammates, the opponents, the refs, the guy selling nachos on the upper deck. Everybody knows the ball is ending up in his hands. And it's ending up in the basket. Hold on tight because the next name is going to make you spit out your beer: Donald Trump. Profession? Film producer. Yeah. The coach saw him on TV, called his agent (who didn't exist), and offered him a ten-day contract "to see." The guy showed up with their loaded checkbook, a ham sandwich, and bulletproof enthusiasm. At his first practice, he attempted a dunk and ended up hanging from the net like a cat stuck in a tree. The fire department came. Twice. But he's got heart, the man, and apparently the precision he puts into the risky picture could translate to mid-range shooting. We believe. Well, the coach believes. The rest of us broke out the popcorn. Let's talk money. We'll keep it short because there ain't any. The budget is so low that the equipment manager also does the accounting, the post-game spread is leftover Domino's on discount, and the last free agent who toured the facility ran for the hills. But damn it, these guys don't care. They play with the fury of men who have everything to prove and nothing to lose. This is the most dangerous team in the league, not because they're good, but because they don't give a single damn about losing.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
93-113 (L)
This world-class player Brock Lesnar comes out aggressive! Opens with a double-clutch layup at the buzzer!
Joe Biden launches a pull-up jumper and... Airball! Hot head at its peak!
Benjamin Netanyahu, this swiss-army-knife type, gets called for the carry! Hot head in ball-handling!
Donald Trump gets burned on the switch! Hotter than a film producer's worst day on the job!
Osama bin Laden attacks under the basket and finishes with a reverse layup! Too good!
Halftime. Donald Trump glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Did you know? Donald Trump launched a basketball podcast. Two episodes. Zero listeners. Still going. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Donald Trump gets a technical for complaining! Defense that's basically a suggestion on full display!
Benjamin Netanyahu misfires facing the rim! Their service rifle calibration needed!
Joe Biden makes the hockey pass! Iron discipline finding the extra pass!
Osama bin Laden is running on pure willpower! This global icon refusing to quit!
Joe Biden sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a university professor after their lecture notes broke!
Brock Lesnar's lip is trembling. Benjamin Netanyahu dodges the cameras by pulling up his hood. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
99-100 (L)
Brock Lesnar posts up into position! This bonafide star not wasting any time!
Benjamin Netanyahu with a reverse layup! The finesse of their service rifle right there on the gym!
Osama bin Laden gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the river gorge on a rough day!
A free throw from Benjamin Netanyahu goes in and out! Heartbreaking from mid-range!
Benjamin Netanyahu, this undisputed superstar, makes the huge stop! Defense fueling the comeback!
Players head to the locker room. Brock Lesnar has tape on three fingers. Exclusive: Brock Lesnar was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
This jersey-selling name Brock Lesnar gets called for the charge in right from the tip-off! Brutal!
Donald Trump pounds the scorer's table! Frustrated! The film producer in them is showing!
A standing ovation for Donald Trump! The film producer who conquered the palace of hoops with their loaded checkbook!
Brock Lesnar launches and bricks it! Hot head in the first quarter!
Benjamin Netanyahu, this combo guard, hangs the head. Tough loss despite natural-born leadership effort.
Benjamin Netanyahu turns back to look at the court one last time. Donald Trump doesn't turn around. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
116-96 (W)
Brock Lesnar, this max-contract guy, embraces the palpable tension! Game on!
Osama bin Laden banks it in driving to the hoop! A civil engineer's steady hand at work!
Joe Biden steals the ball! Quick hands from challenging the young scholars all day!
Donald Trump, this certified GOAT candidate, draws the double and finds the open shooter! Next-level basketball IQ!
Donald Trump goes to the post! That film producer strength is showing!
The locker room. Benjamin Netanyahu sprawls out full-length on the bench. They say Benjamin Netanyahu eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
Benjamin Netanyahu scores the go-ahead! A military personnel who always finishes the job on time!
Benjamin Netanyahu throws the jersey to the crowd! Better than throwing the frontline!
Donald Trump sacrifices the body taking the charge! This guy with rings on every finger ultimate teammate!
Donald Trump, this household name, has the intangibles! Next-level basketball IQ beyond the stats!
Joe Biden, this certified GOAT candidate, points to the crowd! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd! This was for the fans!
Benjamin Netanyahu does the floss while Donald Trump spins like a top. Joe Biden just stands there, arms crossed. Cool. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
93-105 (L)
Brock Lesnar, this titan, announced to huge cheers! A crowd fully behind them!
Osama bin Laden sends it wide! The theodolite wouldn't forgive that either!
Benjamin Netanyahu turns it over on a clutch free throw! A military personnel dropping their service rifle at the worst time!
Osama bin Laden, this walking skyscraper, can't keep up with the speed! Ego the size of Texas exposed!
A euro-step from Brock Lesnar! This world-class player reminding everyone why they're on top!
The players disappear. Joe Biden has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. True story: Joe Biden had his parking spot stolen by Philadelphia Injury-Report's mascot. Still talks about it. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
Osama bin Laden walks away muttering! Muttering about the river gorge under their breath!
Brock Lesnar fires a deep three from downtown but can't connect! Injury-prone body showing!
Benjamin Netanyahu pushes the pace in transition! Nerves of steel showing in every play!
Benjamin Netanyahu labors up the court! Trudging like a military personnel dragging the frontline!
This hall-of-fame lock Benjamin Netanyahu shakes hands and moves on. In the end, heavy feet proved costly.
Benjamin Netanyahu whispers 'this can't be real' under his breath. Donald Trump nods without conviction. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
104-106 (L)
Donald Trump announces themselves! The film producer has arrived and the building knows it!
Benjamin Netanyahu, this all-around player, glides at half court for a silky sky hook!
Benjamin Netanyahu turns the head and loses the man! This living legend napping defensively!
Brock Lesnar blows past the damn ball into the front rim! That's frustrating for this multi-time All-Star!
This household name Benjamin Netanyahu refuses to accept defeat! A pull-up jumper keeps hope alive!
First half is done. Donald Trump is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Did you know Donald Trump keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Brock Lesnar, this mammoth, gets blocked in the clutch! A left-handed block denies this reliable star!
Brock Lesnar, this mammoth, sits down hard on the bench! Defense that's basically a suggestion written all over his face!
This franchise cornerstone Benjamin Netanyahu channels the inner champion! Iron discipline at its peak!
Joe Biden fouls at the worst time! A university professor tripping over the young scholars!
Donald Trump fires away to the tunnel in disappointment. This hall-of-fame lock will learn from this.
Donald Trump walks head down toward the tunnel. Osama bin Laden drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
112-106 (W)
Brock Lesnar, this tree of a man, takes the court! The Finals-like atmosphere is electric!
This reliable star Brock Lesnar does it again! An off-balance shot with effortless precision!
Brock Lesnar, this mountain of a man, erases the shot at the rim! Rim protector!
Brock Lesnar, this world-class player, manipulates the defense and drops the dime! Eyes in the back of the head!
Joe Biden makes the right read! Saw it coming a mile away, true university professor!
Halftime whistle! Benjamin Netanyahu slides down against the hallway wall. Small detail: Benjamin Netanyahu wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
Brock Lesnar with an incredible step-back three from the left corner! Standing ovation!
Benjamin Netanyahu high-fives courtside fans! Those military personnel hands spreading the love!
Osama bin Laden makes the extra pass! Extra effort, the civil engineer way!
Brock Lesnar, this certified bucket, has the crowd in the palm of the hand! A standing ovation!
What a game for Osama bin Laden! Tomorrow's the river gorge will feel easy after this!
Donald Trump grabs the PA announcer's mic and shouts Osama bin Laden's name. The announcer chases him. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
91-105 (L)
Osama bin Laden wins the opening tip! Tipping off with civil engineer energy!
Benjamin Netanyahu fires a brick from the left corner! Way off, even for a military personnel!
Donald Trump forces the pass! Forcing their loaded checkbook where it doesn't fit!
This big-name player Brock Lesnar can't recover! Scored on in the paint! Lack of consistency!
Donald Trump, this solid build, uses every inch to deliver a floater!
Halftime whistle. Donald Trump flops into the first available chair. Locker room intel: Donald Trump has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
Donald Trump, this do-it-all player, throws the hands up! Exasperated facing the rim!
Brick! Osama bin Laden misfires off the pick and roll! Defense that's basically a suggestion at the worst time!
Donald Trump, this combo guard, exploits the mismatch from downtown! Smart play!
Joe Biden, this solid build, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
Osama bin Laden gave it everything! Everything a civil engineer has, left on the court!
Osama bin Laden slams his fist on the bench. Joe Biden places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
78-123 (L)
Osama bin Laden steps onto the court! From bridging the river gorge to this, game time!
A euro-step by Benjamin Netanyahu off the pick and roll is way off! Tough night for this franchise cornerstone!
Osama bin Laden, this long boy, fumbles the entry pass in transition!
Donald Trump loses the screen battle! Tendency to rush around the picks!
Osama bin Laden slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a civil engineer hits the workbench!
Back to the locker room. Osama bin Laden's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Did you know Osama bin Laden knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Minnesota Ice-Wall's colors. By accident, obviously. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Brock Lesnar, this oversized freak, gets the separation but can't finish! Heavy feet!
Brock Lesnar dribbles but can't sustain the effort! Tendency to rush emptying the tank!
Brock Lesnar with the backcourt violation! This jersey-selling name under too much pressure!
Benjamin Netanyahu tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the military personnel will bounce back!
Osama bin Laden refuses to make excuses! A civil engineer owns the river gorge failures too!
Donald Trump slams his fist on the bench. Joe Biden places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
99-95 (W)
Joe Biden opens with a pull-up jumper! This absolute legend making an early statement!
Joe Biden smothers the ball handler! That's a university professor who doesn't let go!
Benjamin Netanyahu misses at the buzzer! A military personnel who missed the deadline!
Joe Biden, this once-in-a-lifetime player, absolutely nails an and-one in the paint! Take a bow!
Benjamin Netanyahu communicates the switch! Clear as a military personnel's instructions!
The players head in. Joe Biden slips on the wet tunnel floor. Fun fact: Joe Biden got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
Joe Biden, this household name, with the cold-blooded tear drop on the low block!
Brock Lesnar with the help-side sky-high block! This guy everybody knows always in position!
Joe Biden attacks and the crowd chants the name! Listen to that noise!
Benjamin Netanyahu hits the big shot! Precision worthy of their service rifle when it matters most!
This elite player Brock Lesnar led from start to finish! Comprehensive win!
Brock Lesnar cries tears of joy in Benjamin Netanyahu's arms. Osama bin Laden is also crying but nobody knows why. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
98-109 (L)
This world-class player Brock Lesnar means business! Fast start along the baseline!
Joe Biden just barely misses! Close as a university professor getting the young scholars almost right!
Brock Lesnar, this mountain of a man, commits the travel! Occasional mental lapses in the footwork!
Brock Lesnar gets screened out of the play! This world-class player lost in traffic!
Osama bin Laden drives the basketball with purpose! A scoop layup! This hall-of-fame lock means business!
Rest time. Joe Biden isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Small detail: Joe Biden wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Joe Biden, this once-in-a-lifetime player, barks at the teammate! Hot head taking over!
Joe Biden takes a tough deep three and it doesn't go! Defense that's basically a suggestion in shot selection!
Donald Trump executes a fluid motion offense perfectly! Precision learned as a film producer!
Osama bin Laden, this franchise cornerstone, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
Benjamin Netanyahu shakes hands through the pain! A military personnel who respects their service rifle and the game!
Brock Lesnar's face is locked shut, zero emotion. Osama bin Laden hides his eyes under a towel. Did you know that Osama bin Laden practices military personnel on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
75-115 (L)
Donald Trump begins their shift on the gymnasium! A film producer starting the their loaded checkbook shift!
Osama bin Laden attacks the basketball into nothing! Ego the size of Texas on full display tonight!
Joe Biden dunks into a trap! Limited stamina when reading the defense!
Benjamin Netanyahu caught flat-footed! Standing still, the military personnel reflexes took a nap!
Donald Trump looks to the heavens! A film producer praying for their loaded checkbook to work!
Time to breathe. Donald Trump has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. Anecdote of the day: Donald Trump forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Brock Lesnar air-mails a devastating dunk on the low block! Way off for this headliner!
Joe Biden, this first-ballot legend, is dragging! The this ball game minutes taking their toll!
Donald Trump loses the basketball! A film producer would never be this careless!
Brock Lesnar mouths off and picks up a T! Hot head taking over!
Brock Lesnar, this walking skyscraper, trudges off the floor. Lessons to take from this one.
Donald Trump shakes Benjamin Netanyahu's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
87-130 (L)
This once-in-a-lifetime player Benjamin Netanyahu comes out firing! An and-one in the first minute!
Donald Trump, this all-around player, wastes a golden chance with a wild hook shot!
Osama bin Laden with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the river gorge!
Donald Trump gives up the back door! Ego the size of Texas when overplaying!
This franchise cornerstone Donald Trump slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Coach calls everyone back. Brock Lesnar drags his feet toward the tunnel. Rumor has it Brock Lesnar does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
This global icon Benjamin Netanyahu misfires again! Limited stamina could cost the team!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Osama bin Laden can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
Benjamin Netanyahu with the errant pass! This undisputed superstar needs to settle down!
Joe Biden kicks the air! The frustration of a university professor who knows they can do better!
This global icon Joe Biden leaves the field house with head held high. Fought to the end.
Brock Lesnar's eyes are glassy. Joe Biden mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
99-120 (L)
Benjamin Netanyahu sets the tone early! The military personnel came to play tonight!
Brock Lesnar, this tree of a man, loses the handle and the opportunity! Sometimes predictable game!
Sloppy handling by Benjamin Netanyahu! Defending the frontline is done with more finesse!
Joe Biden loses their assignment! Like losing their lecture notes in the workshop!
Donald Trump, this swiss-army-knife type, rises above and hammers a euro-step!
Finally a breather. Benjamin Netanyahu has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Little secret: Benjamin Netanyahu has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
Joe Biden shoots away from the huddle! This absolute legend in a dark place mentally!
Joe Biden shanks it from the key! Challenging the young scholars uses different muscles!
Benjamin Netanyahu, this tweener, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! Eyes in the back of the head!
Osama bin Laden grabs the jersey for air! Needs more air than the theodolite in the workshop!
Brock Lesnar walks off in silence. This reliable star gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Joe Biden slams his fist on the bench. Brock Lesnar places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. I learned that Joe Biden's father was a military personnel. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
81-125 (L)
Opening possession for Benjamin Netanyahu! First touch, like first touch of their service rifle!
Osama bin Laden misses the free throw! Bridging the river gorge under pressure is easier!
Benjamin Netanyahu throws it away! A pass worse than a military personnel tossing the frontline!
This franchise cornerstone Benjamin Netanyahu fouls reaching in! Occasional mental lapses on defense!
Joe Biden, this hall-of-fame lock, with the frustrated foul! Defense that's basically a suggestion in tough moments!
Both teams head to the locker room. Osama bin Laden wipes his forehead with his jersey. Intel: Osama bin Laden once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
This undisputed superstar Benjamin Netanyahu rattles it out! So close yet so far in the paint!
This potential GOAT Benjamin Netanyahu stumbles! The fatigue is real after the allotted time!
Donald Trump with the backcourt violation! A film producer going backwards with the risky picture!
Brock Lesnar slams the leather in frustration! Hot head on full display!
Osama bin Laden leaves the floor quietly! Quiet as a civil engineer after the river gorge setback!
Benjamin Netanyahu turns back to look at the court one last time. Donald Trump doesn't turn around. Behind the scenes, I learned Donald Trump was also a military personnel in a past life. You can feel it in the game. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
84-128 (L)
Osama bin Laden fires up the crowd to open the game! This first-ballot legend starting strong!
Brock Lesnar goes to work but it's well off! Sometimes predictable game under fatigue!
Osama bin Laden gets the ball stripped! The river gorge would have stayed in a civil engineer's grip!
Benjamin Netanyahu gets blown by! Even a military personnel couldn't stop that!
Osama bin Laden blows past angrily after the turnover! This guy with rings on every finger spiraling!
Halftime whistle. Brock Lesnar flops into the first available chair. Fun fact: Brock Lesnar failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
Donald Trump forces a pull-up jumper off the pick and roll! This hall-of-fame lock trying too hard!
Joe Biden takes the rest play! Even a university professor needs a breather!
Joe Biden, this versatile guy, gets stripped in the paint! Tendency to rush exposed!
Donald Trump argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to greenlighting the risky picture!
Donald Trump consoles teammates! The heart of a film producer in that moment!
Osama bin Laden refuses Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest's handshake. Joe Biden offers a limp one with just his fingertips. I learned backstage that Joe Biden also does military personnel on weekends. That explains those reflexes. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
My Team finishes #14 (3W-12L). Better luck next season! MVP: Benjamin Netanyahu.
Season Journal
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby!
Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Benjamin Netanyahu. Standing at 184 cm, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction.
His teammate told me something last week that gave me chills. He said: "When he's silent in the locker room before a game, I know we're about to destroy everybody." The man doesn't talk, he executes. He doesn't celebrate, he absorbs. And when the buzzer is approaching and the score is tight, everybody knows. The teammates, the opponents, the refs, the guy selling nachos on the upper deck. Everybody knows the ball is ending up in his hands. And it's ending up in the basket.
Hold on tight because the next name is going to make you spit out your beer: Donald Trump. Profession? Film producer. Yeah. The coach saw him on TV, called his agent (who didn't exist), and offered him a ten-day contract "to see." The guy showed up with their loaded checkbook, a ham sandwich, and bulletproof enthusiasm. At his first practice, he attempted a dunk and ended up hanging from the net like a cat stuck in a tree. The fire department came. Twice. But he's got heart, the man, and apparently the precision he puts into the risky picture could translate to mid-range shooting. We believe. Well, the coach believes. The rest of us broke out the popcorn.
Let's talk money. We'll keep it short because there ain't any. The budget is so low that the equipment manager also does the accounting, the post-game spread is leftover Domino's on discount, and the last free agent who toured the facility ran for the hills. But damn it, these guys don't care. They play with the fury of men who have everything to prove and nothing to lose. This is the most dangerous team in the league, not because they're good, but because they don't give a single damn about losing.
My Team finishes #14 (3W-12L). Better luck next season! MVP: Benjamin Netanyahu.
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