My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇬🇧
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 4 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Denver Horse-Track | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Miami Heart-Attack | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | My Team | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. The team with no name, baby! There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's Barry Allen. The man is massive, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face. But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's Adolf Hitler. A soldier in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles their service rifle better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. Adolf Hitler has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat the front line and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning. Let's talk budget, and by "budget" I mean the spare change you find between the couch cushions. These guys are so far under the salary floor that the league literally has to GIVE them money to meet the minimum. This is the squad that travels by Greyhound bus and washes their own jerseys. No stars, just hungry rookies on two-way deals and bitter vets signed for the minimum. It's the perfect setup for tanking your way to a top Draft pick, but for the fans, it's a damn desert crossing.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
79-123 (L)
This player making noise Barry Allen gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Barry Allen, this seasoned vet, with the shot-clock heave! No good from downtown!
Doctor Strange gets the ball stripped! The game would have stayed in a neurosurgeon's grip!
Stephen Hawking, this swiss-army-knife type, can't keep up with the speed! Ego the size of Texas exposed!
Adolf Hitler shakes their head! A soldier who can't believe that just happened!
Break. Adolf Hitler collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Did you know Adolf Hitler plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
Doctor Strange misses the layup! Even the game would have gone in easier!
Adolf Hitler is gassed! More tired than after a full day of defending the front line!
Adolf Hitler gets picked! A soldier getting the front line stolen in broad daylight!
Barry Allen can't hide the frustration! Their bare hands frustration meets the orange frustration!
Adolf Hitler vows to come back stronger! Stronger than their service rifle reinforced with the front line!
Robert Wadlow walks in slow motion, arms dangling. Stephen Hawking speeds up. Wants it to be over. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
101-107 (L)
Stephen Hawking locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a university professor who means business!
Doctor Strange denied by the basket! Even a neurosurgeon can't pry it open!
Barry Allen charges right into the defender! Turnover! Lack of consistency when controlling pace!
Stephen Hawking gets posterized! A university professor framed by their lecture notes in the worst way!
Adolf Hitler hits the triple! Three buckets, three cheers for this soldier turned baller!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Barry Allen walks head down toward the tunnel. Little scoop: Barry Allen collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Adolf Hitler, this potential GOAT, barks at the teammate! Sometimes predictable game taking over!
Adolf Hitler fires away but overcooks it! Hot head showing up again!
Doctor Strange calls the audible! Adapting on the fly, that's neurosurgeon mentality!
Robert Wadlow is dead on their feet! Running on fumes, the circus performer is spent!
Doctor Strange sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a neurosurgeon after their bare hands broke!
Barry Allen's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Doctor Strange breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
77-115 (L)
Stephen Hawking stretches center court! Loosening up, the university professor is getting ready!
Doctor Strange shanks it from the paint! Competing the game uses different muscles!
Adolf Hitler passes to nobody! This certified GOAT candidate with a head-scratching decision!
Barry Allen, this solid build, lets the shooter get free from mid-range! Costly lapse!
Adolf Hitler slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a soldier hits the workbench!
End of the first act. Adolf Hitler is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Anecdote: Adolf Hitler tried to impress the Orlando Magic-Beans players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With his face. The players charge out of the tunnel. Smells like a comeback.
This undisputed superstar Adolf Hitler misfires again! Heavy feet could cost the team!
Adolf Hitler, this pint-sized baller, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
Stephen Hawking coughs up the orange! Hot head strikes again back to the basket!
Robert Wadlow, this mammoth, waves off the play call! Shaky emotions under pressure hurting the team!
Robert Wadlow walks off in silence. This certified bucket gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Robert Wadlow takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Barry Allen follows the same path. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
93-124 (L)
Robert Wadlow opens with a deep three! This big-name player making an early statement!
Adolf Hitler, this little firecracker, wastes a golden chance with a wild thunderous slam!
Barry Allen botches the handoff! Even their bare hands exchanges go smoother!
Doctor Strange gets blown by! Even a neurosurgeon couldn't stop that!
Doctor Strange finishes with style! Years of competing the game built those hands!
Halftime whistle. Barry Allen flops into the first available chair. Anecdote: Barry Allen lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Doctor Strange, this league veteran, refuses to high-five! Occasional mental lapses hurting the chemistry!
Barry Allen bricks another one! Building something awful with their bare hands tonight!
Barry Allen slows the pace when the team needs it! This legit talent tempo control!
Robert Wadlow finds a second wind! The circus performer engine roars back to life!
This multi-time All-Star Robert Wadlow congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this multi-time All-Star.
Barry Allen and Doctor Strange walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Doctor Strange. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
87-112 (L)
Robert Wadlow huddles with the team! Huddling up, the circus performer strategizes!
Doctor Strange with a wild attempt! This respected competitor not finding the range tonight!
Stolen from Barry Allen! A superhero who let it slip through their fingers!
Stephen Hawking bites on the fake! Fooled like a university professor by counterfeit the young scholars!
Stephen Hawking scores off the glass! Bank shot precision of a university professor!
Halftime! Robert Wadlow has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Fun fact: Robert Wadlow is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Doctor Strange kicks the air! The frustration of a neurosurgeon who knows they can do better!
Stephen Hawking misfires off the pick and roll! Their lecture notes calibration needed!
Doctor Strange goes small-ball! Adapting like a neurosurgeon who reads the room!
Adolf Hitler cramps up! Muscles tight from their service rifle and the basketball double duty!
Stephen Hawking leaves the palace of hoops quietly! Quiet as a university professor after the young scholars setback!
Barry Allen refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. Stephen Hawking watches it and immediately regrets it. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
77-122 (L)
The gymnasium welcomes Robert Wadlow! The circus performer with the game has arrived!
A bank shot from Barry Allen catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
Robert Wadlow loses possession! The game never leaves a circus performer's hands like that!
Doctor Strange falls asleep on the weak side! Tendency to force bad shots exposed!
Barry Allen throws their hands up! Like a superhero when their bare hands breaks!
Halftime! Stephen Hawking looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Juicy intel: Stephen Hawking turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
Adolf Hitler clanks it off the rim! That sounded like their service rifle hitting the front line!
Adolf Hitler takes the rest play! Even a soldier needs a breather!
Robert Wadlow with the lazy pass! Injury-prone body leading to easy points!
Doctor Strange mutters to himself walking back! This established player fighting inner demons!
Stephen Hawking tells reporters: 'Tomorrow we challenges better, like the young scholars!'
Stephen Hawking pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Doctor Strange takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. I learned tonight that Stephen Hawking used to be a neurosurgeon. That explains the unique running style. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
85-129 (L)
This undisputed superstar Adolf Hitler in the starting lineup! Let's see what this undisputed superstar brings!
Robert Wadlow, this 7-footer, can't finish at half court! That one stings!
Doctor Strange, this tweener, commits the travel! Heavy feet in the footwork!
Barry Allen beaten off the dribble! Quicker than the game slipping from a superhero!
Doctor Strange glares at the ball! Like it personally betrayed this neurosurgeon!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Barry Allen asks for an ice pack. Intel: Barry Allen refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Adolf Hitler, this lightning-quick little man, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this certified GOAT candidate!
Stephen Hawking, this smooth operator, laboring up and down! Injury-prone body draining the energy!
Adolf Hitler with the careless pass! Defending the front line with more care, please!
Robert Wadlow is visibly upset! Upset as a circus performer when the game goes sideways!
Barry Allen takes the loss hard! Hard as the game on a bad superhero day!
Doctor Strange lets out a nervous laugh that sends chills down your spine. Stephen Hawking decides not to comment. Tonight I learned Doctor Strange used to be a neurosurgeon before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
96-113 (L)
Stephen Hawking starts in the slasher! Playing the slasher way a university professor plays with their lecture notes!
Stephen Hawking puts up a prayer... Unanswered! Not even their lecture notes can save that!
Robert Wadlow, this tree of a man, gets stripped from way beyond the arc! Limited stamina exposed!
Stephen Hawking left in the dust! Even a university professor moves faster than that!
A buzzer-beater from Barry Allen! That's next-level basketball IQ at the highest level!
Halftime. Stephen Hawking wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Confession: Stephen Hawking believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
Doctor Strange tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the neurosurgeon will bounce back!
A pull-up jumper from Barry Allen hits the iron! Hot head under the spotlight!
This potential GOAT Adolf Hitler recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
Adolf Hitler is visibly tired! This all-time great needs a timeout badly!
Robert Wadlow tips the cap to the winners! The circus performer's grace with the game!
Adolf Hitler unclasps his chain and squeezes it in his fist. Stephen Hawking runs a hand down his face. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
90-124 (L)
This player making noise Doctor Strange means business! Fast start back to the basket!
Adolf Hitler whiffs on the jumper! A soldier off their game with their service rifle!
Adolf Hitler, this lightning-quick little man, steps out of bounds with the pill! Mental lapse!
Robert Wadlow watches helplessly! A circus performer watching the game fall off the shelf!
Adolf Hitler, this guy with rings on every finger, yells at the coaching staff! Ego the size of Texas causing friction!
The players leave the court. Stephen Hawking clings to the tunnel railing. Fun fact: Stephen Hawking tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Doctor Strange can't buy a bucket! Maybe the game would be easier to aim!
Robert Wadlow drags their feet! Heavy as their bare hands at the end of a shift!
Robert Wadlow loses the rock! A circus performer would never be this careless!
Doctor Strange vents at their teammates! The neurosurgeon who vents about the game!
Doctor Strange shakes hands through the pain! A neurosurgeon who respects their bare hands and the game!
Robert Wadlow sits on the floor in the hallway. Doctor Strange sits down next to him. Nobody speaks. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
86-128 (L)
Barry Allen sets the tone early! The superhero came to play tonight!
A layup from Barry Allen goes in and out! Heartbreaking at half court!
Intercepted! Stephen Hawking's pass snatched right out of the air! A university professor would never be that careless!
Doctor Strange can't contain the drive! Competing the game is more containable!
This hall-of-fame lock Stephen Hawking stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Cut! Halftime. Robert Wadlow's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Did you know? Robert Wadlow tried to become a rapper before basketball. The world dodged a bullet. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
Stephen Hawking, this smooth operator, can't get a two-handed slam to drop! Cold as ice tonight!
Barry Allen leans on their knees! Gassed, but the superhero keeps going!
Doctor Strange turns it over during crunch time! A neurosurgeon dropping their bare hands at the worst time!
Stephen Hawking mouths off at the last second! A university professor venting about the young scholars!
Doctor Strange dribbles past the media. This name that's buzzing not in the mood to talk.
Doctor Strange walks head down toward the tunnel. Robert Wadlow drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
80-118 (L)
Barry Allen wins the opening tip! Tipping off with superhero energy!
Doctor Strange misses badly! Should have aimed like they aim their bare hands at the game!
Adolf Hitler with a wild pass that sails out! This basketball god giving it away!
Robert Wadlow loses the screen battle! Tendency to rush around the picks!
Adolf Hitler stares in disbelief! The look of a soldier who just lost everything!
That's a wrap for now. Barry Allen dives into the tunnel. Intel: Barry Allen refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Stephen Hawking rushes a floater back to the basket! Hot head creeping in!
Barry Allen gulps water! As thirsty as a superhero reaching for the game!
Stephen Hawking throws it away! A pass worse than a university professor tossing the young scholars!
Stephen Hawking, this generational talent, with the frustrated foul! Hot head in tough moments!
Adolf Hitler refuses to make excuses! A soldier owns the front line failures too!
Doctor Strange leaves the court at a jog. Adolf Hitler stays there, planted at center court, motionless. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Doctor Strange's name. Forgive me. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
84-128 (L)
Doctor Strange pulls up into position! This seasoned vet not wasting any time!
Robert Wadlow, this big-name player, pulls the trigger from downtown but no luck!
Doctor Strange turns it over in the center circle! Butterfingers from this neurosurgeon!
Doctor Strange can't stay in front! Competing the game doesn't build lateral quickness!
Adolf Hitler, this low-to-the-ground speedster, throws the hands up! Exasperated at the top of the key!
That's a wrap for now. Stephen Hawking dives into the tunnel. I've been told Stephen Hawking always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
Doctor Strange misfires driving to the hoop! Even this player making noise has off nights!
Adolf Hitler jogs instead of sprints! Conserving energy for defending the front line tomorrow!
Robert Wadlow throws it into the stands! What was that from this certified bucket!
Stephen Hawking launches the towel! This absolute legend showing sometimes predictable game!
Barry Allen leaves the gym with dignity! The dignity of a superhero with their bare hands!
Barry Allen and Stephen Hawking share a single look. Just one. It contains all the disappointment in the world. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
78-122 (L)
Doctor Strange comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the neurosurgeon means business!
Barry Allen, this solid build, gets the look but can't convert from the right corner!
This guy with a proven track record Doctor Strange with turnover number lengths ahead! Tendency to force bad shots is piling up!
Robert Wadlow gets screened out! Stuck behind their bare hands like it's a wall!
Doctor Strange argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to competing the game!
Break. Adolf Hitler asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Fun fact: Adolf Hitler is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Barry Allen with the ugly miss! The superhero touch is absent tonight!
Adolf Hitler bends over during the dead ball! This potential GOAT gathering what's left!
Doctor Strange double-dribbles! Competing the game doesn't have that rule!
Stephen Hawking gets a technical for complaining! Injury-prone body on full display!
Stephen Hawking wipes a tear! A university professor who poured everything into the effort!
Adolf Hitler walks in slow motion, arms dangling. Robert Wadlow speeds up. Wants it to be over. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
87-131 (L)
Barry Allen crosses over with energy from the opening whistle! This player on the come-up locked in!
The rim rejects Robert Wadlow! The rim says no! Even a circus performer gets rejected sometimes!
Adolf Hitler launches carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Stephen Hawking gets burned on the switch! Hotter than a university professor's worst day on the job!
Stephen Hawking, this all-around player, sits down hard on the bench! Heavy feet written all over his face!
Halftime! Barry Allen has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Did you know Barry Allen plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
Adolf Hitler, this potential GOAT, fumbles the finish in transition! Back to the drawing board!
Robert Wadlow labors up the court! Trudging like a circus performer dragging the game!
Stephen Hawking with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the young scholars!
Robert Wadlow drives and kicks the stanchion! This max-contract guy losing composure!
Barry Allen, this next-level player, takes the loss hard. Limited stamina at the wrong moments.
Stephen Hawking leaves the court at a jog. Barry Allen stays there, planted at center court, motionless. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
74-118 (L)
Game time! Barry Allen and this respected competitor ready to put on a show at the gymnasium!
Barry Allen steps back the Wilson into the front rim! That's frustrating for this up-and-coming baller!
This all-time great Adolf Hitler commits the offensive foul! Turnover under the basket!
This elite player Robert Wadlow picks up the cheap foul! Defense that's basically a suggestion showing!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Stephen Hawking slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
The players leave the court. Stephen Hawking clings to the tunnel railing. True story: Stephen Hawking walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest. Awkward. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
Adolf Hitler can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this household name!
This league veteran Doctor Strange can't close out! The legs are shot on the low block!
Doctor Strange, this smooth operator, fumbles the entry pass in transition!
This seasoned vet Barry Allen hangs the head after the miss! Deflated off the pick and roll!
This player making noise Barry Allen leaves the venue with head held high. Fought to the end.
Adolf Hitler refuses the coach's embrace. Stephen Hawking accepts it but his body is stiff. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Barry Allen.
Season Journal
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. The team with no name, baby!
There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's Barry Allen. The man is massive, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face.
But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it.
Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's Adolf Hitler. A soldier in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles their service rifle better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. Adolf Hitler has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat the front line and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning.
Let's talk budget, and by "budget" I mean the spare change you find between the couch cushions. These guys are so far under the salary floor that the league literally has to GIVE them money to meet the minimum. This is the squad that travels by Greyhound bus and washes their own jerseys. No stars, just hungry rookies on two-way deals and bitter vets signed for the minimum. It's the perfect setup for tanking your way to a top Draft pick, but for the fans, it's a damn desert crossing.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Barry Allen.
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