jackson — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 4 | jackson | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 1 | 14 | 2 |
| 16 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Let's not beat around the bush: tonight is going to be one hell of a show. The arena is packed, the air is unbreathable with tension, and the lights just went out for the pregame laser show. We're talking about a franchise that has weathered every storm: lockouts, star injuries, catastrophic trades, rebuilds that never seemed to end. And they're still here, standing tall, with the same fire in their belly. This club is a survivor. And when survivors bite, they don't let go. Ladies and gentlemen... Jackson! There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's Shaquille O'Neal. Standing at 216 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face. You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance. Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's Jesus Christ. A messiah in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles bare hands better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. Jesus Christ has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat the game and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning. Financially, this team is operating in another dimension. The salary cap? Never heard of it. The luxury tax? Paid with a smile. The owner sold two of his yachts to fund this roster and he'd do it again tomorrow morning. Every player on this bench earns more in a week than most people do in a year, and not a single one of them is here to ride the pine. This is a team built to win NOW. Not tomorrow, not next season. Tonight.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
85-123 (L)
Opening possession for Jesus Christ! First touch, like first touch of their bare hands!
Michael Jordan, this guy with rings on every finger, with the shot-clock heave! No good along the baseline!
Michael Jordan charges right into the defender! Turnover! Sometimes predictable game when controlling pace!
Michael Jordan gets burned on the drive! Tendency to rush in lateral movement!
Kim Kardashian kicks the air! The frustration of a celebrity who knows they can do better!
Halftime. Stephen Curry glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Bus driver's confession: Stephen Curry raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Kim Kardashian gets a clean look but ego the size of Texas costs the bucket!
Kim Kardashian powers through! The celebrity in them won't quit on the game!
This guy with rings on every finger Michael Jordan with turnover number lengths ahead! Occasional mental lapses is piling up!
Shaquille O'Neal slams the Spalding in frustration! Hot head on full display!
This guy with rings on every finger Shaquille O'Neal shakes hands and moves on. In the end, tendency to rush proved costly.
Michael Jordan stares at his hands like he doesn't recognize them. Shaquille O'Neal exhales. Again. And again. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
134-88 (W)
Kim Kardashian announces themselves! The celebrity has arrived and the building knows it!
Jesus Christ rises and fires! Competing the game never felt this athletic!
Jesus Christ with the skip pass! Assist leads to an open thunderous slam!
Stephen Curry hits an alley-oop! Iron discipline proving to be the difference tonight!
Shaquille O'Neal a double team with authority! This colossus protecting the paint!
Rest time. Shaquille O'Neal isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Juicy anecdote: Shaquille O'Neal was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Stephen Curry answers back with a free throw! Silky smooth technique under pressure!
This generational talent Shaquille O'Neal puts the exclamation point! A finger roll under the basket!
Jesus Christ asked if points can be converted to the game credits! No!
Kim Kardashian posts up and pounds the chest! A bench mob celebration! Warrior mentality!
Stephen Curry sits on the bench with a smile! This established star job well done!
Jesus Christ does a backflip. Well, he tries. Stephen Curry applauds the effort. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
109-87 (W)
Kim Kardashian stretches center court! Loosening up, the celebrity is getting ready!
Michael Jordan with the smooth two-handed slam! This hall-of-fame lock making it look easy!
Shaquille O'Neal with the chase-down charge taken! What athleticism!
Jesus Christ generates another look! Creative vision worthy of a messiah!
This max-contract guy Stephen Curry calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Halftime! Michael Jordan looks in the mirror and shakes his head. I've been told Michael Jordan always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
The technical flair of Kim Kardashian recalls their celebrity days. A buzzer-beater! Sublime!
Michael Jordan in immense pressure! This undisputed superstar has been waiting for this stage!
Shaquille O'Neal puts ego aside! The team comes first for this household name!
Michael Jordan, this guy with rings on every finger, has the crowd in the palm of the hand! A roaring arena!
Jesus Christ can breathe! The win is secured, it's over!
Jesus Christ charges toward the crowd. Shaquille O'Neal catches him just before he dives into the stands. Tonight I had a revelation: Shaquille O'Neal runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
103-87 (W)
Tip-off! Shaquille O'Neal gets us started! Let's go!
Kim Kardashian crosses over the rock with flair and hits a hook shot! Sensational!
Michael Jordan with the suffocating defense! This franchise cornerstone is a wall out there!
Shaquille O'Neal, this 7-footer, delivers the entry pass! Beautiful feed into the post!
Jesus Christ uses a fluid motion offense brilliantly! Strategy from competing the game!
Both teams head in. Michael Jordan has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Locker room anecdote: Michael Jordan talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
Shaquille O'Neal, this long boy, elevates for a monster bank shot!
Kids in the stands mimic Kim Kardashian's competing celebration! Adorable!
Kim Kardashian, this little firecracker, anchors the second unit! This first-ballot legend versatile contributor!
Michael Jordan launches with elegance and power! This all-time great is the complete package!
Stephen Curry, this elite player, soaks in the moment! Victory from the right corner! A raised fist!
Shaquille O'Neal does a handstand. Jesus Christ holds him by the feet. The crowd holds its breath. Did you know that Jesus Christ practices celebrity on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
125-79 (W)
The arena welcomes Kim Kardashian! The celebrity with the game has arrived!
Kim Kardashian, this pocket rocket, showcases eyes in the back of the head with a gorgeous thunderous slam!
Jesus Christ, this smooth operator, hits the cutter perfectly! Silky smooth technique right on time!
Stephen Curry converts along the baseline! A buzzer beater with trademark silky smooth technique!
Jesus Christ smothers the ball handler! That's a messiah who doesn't let go!
Break! Michael Jordan heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Anecdote of the day: Michael Jordan forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
This household name Shaquille O'Neal with a vintage scoop layup! The old magic is still there!
Kim Kardashian extends the lead! The celebrity is pulling away from the pack!
Michael Jordan, this titan, flexes after a missed shot! This undisputed superstar keeping it positive!
Jesus Christ flexes like they just finished competing the game! What a moment!
This global icon Jesus Christ caps off a special night! A raised fist! Until next time!
Stephen Curry gives his headband to a kid in the crowd. Jesus Christ gives his shoes. Shaquille O'Neal gives his water bottle. The kid is overwhelmed. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
116-81 (W)
Jesus Christ steps onto the gym! From competing the game to this, game time!
Shaquille O'Neal, this generational talent, sinks a floater with surgical precision off the pick and roll!
Shaquille O'Neal, this certified GOAT candidate, sets the table under the basket! Assist master!
Jesus Christ banks a euro-step off the glass! Geometry learned from the messiah life!
Shaquille O'Neal forces the step-out-of-bounds! This all-time great hawking the ball!
Halftime whistle! Michael Jordan grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Confession: Michael Jordan believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
Jesus Christ scores off the inbound! That's the preparation of a messiah right there!
Stephen Curry piles it on! A two-handed slam extends the lead! No mercy tonight!
Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, tries the spin move and gets dizzy! This world-class player wobbling!
Jesus Christ shimmies after a thunderous slam! Shaking it off, the messiah is feeling it!
That's the game! Shaquille O'Neal finishes with a monster performance! This generational talent victorious!
Michael Jordan rips the net off the rim. Shaquille O'Neal wraps it around his neck like a scarf. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
120-98 (W)
Kim Kardashian checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Kim Kardashian pulls up and drills a buzzer-beater! Can't teach that!
Shaquille O'Neal with the huge defensive rebound on the low block! This undisputed superstar says no!
Michael Jordan dribbles and creates! Another assist from mid-range! Quarterback!
This household name Shaquille O'Neal attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
Break! Michael Jordan heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. True story: Michael Jordan had his parking spot stolen by Toronto Border-Patrol's mascot. Still talks about it. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
A euro-step from Stephen Curry! This jersey-selling name is putting on a show tonight!
The arena trembles! Jesus Christ with the play and a sold-out gym on fire follows!
This certified GOAT candidate Shaquille O'Neal runs the rock patiently! Searching for the perfect shot!
Michael Jordan overcomes the early struggles! This guy with rings on every finger rising like a phoenix!
Shaquille O'Neal, this tree of a man, celebrates the win! A chest bump! What a game!
Stephen Curry and Jesus Christ freestyle a victory rap. Kim Kardashian does the beatbox. It's terrible but magnificent. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
105-114 (L)
Kim Kardashian gets the starting nod! A celebrity starting with their bare hands confidence!
Stephen Curry forces a bad deep three! This franchise guy needs to trust teammates!
Shaquille O'Neal, this beanpole, gets called for the carry! Shaky emotions under pressure in ball-handling!
Stephen Curry, this combo guard, gets exploited in the switch! Heavy feet exposed in the mismatch!
What a play by Stephen Curry! An off-balance shot from the right corner! This multi-time All-Star is cooking!
Intermission. Stephen Curry dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Intel: Stephen Curry once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Jesus Christ fires away and kicks the stanchion! This once-in-a-lifetime player losing composure!
Stephen Curry rushes a double-clutch layup from downtown! Hot head creeping in!
Jesus Christ, this potential GOAT, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
Stephen Curry asks for the ball to slow the pace! This headliner needs air!
Michael Jordan, this basketball god, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Stephen Curry clenches his left fist, unclenches, clenches again. Shaquille O'Neal fidgets with his wristband nervously. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
118-102 (W)
Kim Kardashian lands the first half-court heave! First blood! The celebrity strikes first!
Shaquille O'Neal knocks down a thunderous slam at the buzzer! Ice in the veins!
This first-ballot legend Shaquille O'Neal reads the play and intercepts! Brilliant anticipation!
Stephen Curry threads the needle! Beautiful assist on the low block! Unreal court vision!
Kim Kardashian finds the angle! The angle celebrity uses for the game!
Halftime whistle! Michael Jordan slides down against the hallway wall. Physio's confession: Michael Jordan purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
This headliner Stephen Curry capitalizes driving to the hoop! A floater with freakish explosiveness!
Opposing fans respect Kim Kardashian! Even rivals admire a celebrity's hustle!
This undisputed superstar Jesus Christ dives for the loose ball! Ridiculous creativity on every play!
Michael Jordan leaves it all on the floor! This first-ballot legend with freakish explosiveness effort!
Jesus Christ carries the team to victory! Strong as a messiah on a Monday morning!
Shaquille O'Neal cries tears of joy in Jesus Christ's arms. Michael Jordan is also crying but nobody knows why. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
112-111 (W)
The game begins and Stephen Curry is ready! You can see that dawg mentality written all over his face!
Jesus Christ recovers and blocks! That's the hustle of someone who works for a living!
Shaquille O'Neal fires a floater in transition but can't connect! Sometimes predictable game showing!
Jesus Christ attacks at the buzzer and finishes with a bucket! Too good!
Jesus Christ manipulates the defense! Manipulation worthy of their bare hands on the game!
Break. Jesus Christ's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Confession: Jesus Christ tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
Jesus Christ with the dagger half-court heave! This certified GOAT candidate buries the opposition!
This guy with rings on every finger Shaquille O'Neal forces the bad pass! An off-the-charts basketball IQ creating turnovers!
The fans sense it coming! The energy is building as Shaquille O'Neal gets hot!
Michael Jordan breaks the tie! A hook shot! This franchise cornerstone wants to be the hero!
This top-tier talent Stephen Curry is all smiles! The stats back up the brilliance!
Shaquille O'Neal and Jesus Christ stare at each other in silence for five seconds. Then burst out laughing at the exact same time. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
108-89 (W)
Kim Kardashian bounces the Spalding pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
Kim Kardashian, this elusive guard, carves up the defense for a sky hook! Beautiful!
Shaquille O'Neal, this beanpole, blankets the shooter on the low block! No daylight!
Jesus Christ, this solid build, runs the offense with scary good handles! Beautiful passing!
This reliable star Stephen Curry with the savvy veteran play! Unreal swagger experience showing!
Back to the locker room. Jesus Christ's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Did you know Jesus Christ started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Jesus Christ hits from downtown! Precision worthy of their bare hands from mid-range!
Michael Jordan, this tower, basks in a crowd fully behind them! This is home!
This first-ballot legend Michael Jordan claps for the rookie! Encouragement from this first-ballot legend!
This basketball god Kim Kardashian refuses to lose! The will of a champion!
This household name Shaquille O'Neal raises the arms! The win is in the books! A salute to the fans!
Michael Jordan runs to the coach and lifts the coach up. Not thrilled but smiles anyway. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
113-109 (W)
And we're underway! Stephen Curry touches the Wilson first! This headliner looks eager!
Stephen Curry anticipates the cut and deflects the basketball! This bonafide star reading minds!
A layup from Shaquille O'Neal catches the back rim and pops out! So close!
Shaquille O'Neal scores with night-in night-out consistency. A thunderous slam from the left corner! Too smooth!
This potential GOAT Shaquille O'Neal uses the floater over this tower coverage! Smart!
Halftime whistle! Michael Jordan grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Juicy anecdote: Michael Jordan was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
This household name Shaquille O'Neal takes over in the first half! Iron discipline in crunch time!
Shaquille O'Neal, this first-ballot legend, shuts down the play back to the basket! Lockdown defender!
This generational talent Shaquille O'Neal gets the crowd into it! A cathedral silence at fever pitch!
Kim Kardashian drives for the game-tying sky hook! On a strategic timeout! Unbelievable!
Kim Kardashian soaks it in! Soaking up the moment, a celebrity savoring glory!
Stephen Curry drops to his knees and kisses the court. Michael Jordan pretends to gag. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
119-87 (W)
Jesus Christ opens with a floater! This guy with rings on every finger making an early statement!
Stephen Curry, this world-class player, unleashes a pull-up jumper on the low block! Bang!
Jesus Christ with the lob pass under the basket! This guy with rings on every finger to the teammate! Boom!
Stephen Curry steps back the ball with a killer instinct. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
Jesus Christ, this tweener, recovers and contests! Never-give-up effort fueled by an off-the-charts basketball IQ!
Players head to the locker room. Jesus Christ has tape on three fingers. Little secret: Jesus Christ has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
This franchise cornerstone Shaquille O'Neal does it again! A pull-up jumper with effortless precision!
Kim Kardashian, this undisputed superstar, still going full throttle! No mercy tonight!
Michael Jordan dribbles and the basketball goes into the stands! Free souvenir!
Kim Kardashian, this hall-of-fame lock, cups the ear to the crowd! A bench mob celebration! They want more!
Stephen Curry, this world-class player, points to the crowd! A bench mob celebration! This was for the fans!
Shaquille O'Neal throws chalk powder like LeBron. Jesus Christ coughs for two minutes straight. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
97-108 (L)
Stephen Curry penetrates onto the floor! The crowd roars for this max-contract guy!
Kim Kardashian misfires! The celebrity's precision with the game is nowhere to be found!
This generational talent Jesus Christ dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Kim Kardashian gets posterized! A celebrity framed by their bare hands in the worst way!
This first-ballot legend Kim Kardashian erupts for a fadeaway jumper! The floodgates are open!
Halftime! Michael Jordan walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Anecdote of the day: Michael Jordan forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Shaquille O'Neal, this hall-of-fame lock, barks at the teammate! Occasional mental lapses taking over!
Shaquille O'Neal fires away and fires but misses everything! Limited stamina tonight!
Jesus Christ, this do-it-all player, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
Michael Jordan launches a step slower than usual! Hot head in the tank!
Jesus Christ walks off in silence. This potential GOAT gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Stephen Curry turns back to look at the court one last time. Kim Kardashian doesn't turn around. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
93-119 (L)
This big-name player Stephen Curry in the starting lineup! Let's see what this big-name player brings!
Stephen Curry can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this max-contract guy!
Kim Kardashian dribbles it off their foot! Their bare hands would never betray a celebrity like that!
Michael Jordan falls asleep on the weak side! Shaky emotions under pressure exposed!
An alley-oop from Stephen Curry! This multi-time All-Star reminding everyone why they're on top!
Halftime! Michael Jordan checks his stats on the board and winces. Confession: Michael Jordan tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
Jesus Christ storms to the bench! This global icon is visibly upset!
Shaquille O'Neal goes to work the damn ball awkwardly! The touch just isn't there for this household name!
Shaquille O'Neal spins to the right spot! Unreal swagger off-ball movement!
Kim Kardashian waves for a timeout! The celebrity needs the game break!
This jersey-selling name Stephen Curry leaves the court with head held high. Fought to the end.
Michael Jordan stares at the floor while Jesus Christ mutters something inaudible under his breath. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
jackson ends the season #4 with a 11W-4L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
Season Journal
Let's not beat around the bush: tonight is going to be one hell of a show. The arena is packed, the air is unbreathable with tension, and the lights just went out for the pregame laser show. We're talking about a franchise that has weathered every storm: lockouts, star injuries, catastrophic trades, rebuilds that never seemed to end. And they're still here, standing tall, with the same fire in their belly. This club is a survivor. And when survivors bite, they don't let go. Ladies and gentlemen... Jackson!
There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's Shaquille O'Neal. Standing at 216 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face.
You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance.
Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's Jesus Christ. A messiah in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles bare hands better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. Jesus Christ has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat the game and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning.
Financially, this team is operating in another dimension. The salary cap? Never heard of it. The luxury tax? Paid with a smile. The owner sold two of his yachts to fund this roster and he'd do it again tomorrow morning. Every player on this bench earns more in a week than most people do in a year, and not a single one of them is here to ride the pine. This is a team built to win NOW. Not tomorrow, not next season. Tonight.
jackson ends the season #4 with a 11W-4L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
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