My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇵🇭
5 members · by David Coros · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | My Team | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Houston Blast-Off | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Let's not beat around the bush: tonight is going to be one hell of a show. The arena is packed, the air is unbreathable with tension, and the lights just went out for the pregame laser show. We're talking about a franchise that has weathered every storm: lockouts, star injuries, catastrophic trades, rebuilds that never seemed to end. And they're still here, standing tall, with the same fire in their belly. This club is a survivor. And when survivors bite, they don't let go. The team with no name, baby! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Victor Wembanyama on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 224 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around. And because this season couldn't possibly be normal, the coach went out and signed Iron Man. The man. Is. A politician. I'm going to let that marinate for two seconds. A politician. On a professional basketball court. With guys who jump 3 feet off the ground. This dude jumps 6 inches, on a good day, with a running start and the wind at his back. But he's got their campaign podium and apparently, the technical motion of a politician and a pull-up jumper are "basically the same thing, give or take 90 degrees." That's what the coach said. The team doctor immediately requested a cognitive evaluation for the coach. The budget, let's talk about it. Or actually, let's not, because it'll make you dizzy. We're beyond the luxury tax, beyond the second apron, we're in a zone that even the league's tax accountants struggle to calculate. The owner burns cash like others burn firewood, and he doesn't bat an eye. Every season this team doesn't win the title is a financial scandal. The pressure is absolute, the talent is maximal, and the margin for error is zero. Welcome to the world of superteams, where failure isn't an option, it's a public humiliation.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
86-114 (L)
This established player LaMelo Ball opens the scoring! A reverse layup! Early advantage!
Brick! Victor Wembanyama misfires at the buzzer! Lack of consistency at the worst time!
This solid pro Victor Wembanyama with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
LaMelo Ball reacts too late to rotate! Ego the size of Texas on the help side!
Seth Curry, this league veteran, exploits the mismatch for a reverse layup! Too easy!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Seth Curry walks head down toward the tunnel. Little secret: Seth Curry has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Hulk throws their hands up! Like a scientist when their lab notebook breaks!
Iron Man misfires driving to the hoop! Their campaign podium calibration needed!
Hulk uses the hesitation dribble! Eyes in the back of the head creating separation!
Hulk, this solid build, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
Victor Wembanyama sits alone on the bench. This respected competitor processing the defeat.
Seth Curry slams his fist on the bench. LaMelo Ball places his palm flat, as if to calm the surface. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
121-81 (W)
This name that's buzzing LaMelo Ball in the starting lineup! Let's see what this name that's buzzing brings!
Victor Wembanyama with the and-one finger roll! Ridiculous creativity through the whistle!
This well-respected player LaMelo Ball creates for others! Unselfish play with pure God-given talent!
Seth Curry pulls up to the rack for a layup! Can't contain this versatile guy!
LaMelo Ball forces the shot-clock violation! Freakish explosiveness on full display!
Halftime whistle. Seth Curry high-fives his teammates on the way out. Juicy intel: Seth Curry turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
LaMelo Ball scores with iron discipline. A fadeaway jumper on the low block! Too smooth!
Hulk scores in garbage time! Garbage time? A scientist doesn't waste the hidden truth!
Hulk trips over the pill! Even this global icon has those moments!
LaMelo Ball, this titan, chest bumps the teammate! A victory dance! Pure joy!
Victor Wembanyama, this walking skyscraper, celebrates the win! A hug with the coach! What a game!
Victor Wembanyama and Iron Man act out a movie scene where they reunite in slow motion. The crowd is dying. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Victor Wembanyama's name. Forgive me. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
112-100 (W)
This once-in-a-lifetime player Hulk comes out aggressive! Opens with a bucket driving to the hoop!
LaMelo Ball with the crafty catch-and-shoot triple! An off-the-charts basketball IQ on display!
Seth Curry an iron-wall defense with authority! This do-it-all player protecting the paint!
Seth Curry, this all-around player, delivers the entry pass! Beautiful feed into the post!
Seth Curry, this all-around player, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! Ridiculous creativity!
Break. LaMelo Ball asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Confession: LaMelo Ball calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
Iron Man pulls up and drills a floater! Can't teach that!
The crowd collectively holds its breath for Hulk's shot! You could hear a pin drop!
Hulk barks out defensive calls! The voice of their lab notebook echoes across the floor!
Hulk rises up with the fire of a thousand suns! He's on fire!
Seth Curry, this hooper's hooper, points to the crowd! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench! This was for the fans!
Hulk performs an absolutely ridiculous victory dance. Victor Wembanyama imitates it. It's worse. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
111-110 (W)
Iron Man fades away into position! This well-respected player not wasting any time!
Victor Wembanyama with the full-court pressure! This seasoned vet making them uncomfortable!
Victor Wembanyama, this titan, loses the handle and the opportunity! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Iron Man, this well-respected player, unleashes an alley-oop from mid-range! Bang!
Hulk outsmarts the opponent! The brains of a scientist with their lab notebook!
Break. Hulk collapses next to the vending machine. Intel: Hulk asked Philadelphia Injury-Report for their energy drink recipe. They refused. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
LaMelo Ball, this tree of a man, comes up big! A free throw in the dying seconds! Legend!
Seth Curry shuts the door from mid-range! That's how you play defense!
The crowd is on its feet! A hostile crowd as Seth Curry takes the court!
Hulk delivers at after a timeout! A scientist who always delivers on time!
This established player LaMelo Ball seals the deal! Victory with an unmatched feel for the game!
LaMelo Ball jumps into Seth Curry's arms without warning. They both go down. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
119-86 (W)
Tip-off! Victor Wembanyama gets us started! Let's go!
This seasoned vet Seth Curry punishes the defense with a fadeaway jumper back to the basket!
Iron Man threads the needle! Precision of their campaign podium through the public policy!
Iron Man scores at will! A pull-up jumper along the baseline! This next-level player domination!
Iron Man picks off the lob! Intercepting mid-air, pure politician reflexes!
Halftime! Iron Man is limping slightly heading off the court. Juicy anecdote: Iron Man was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
Victor Wembanyama with another tear drop! You can't stop this man!
Seth Curry, this tweener, has the opposition calling for mercy under the basket!
Victor Wembanyama shoots the free throw on the wrong basket! Somebody say something!
Seth Curry, this all-around player, gets the crowd on their feet! A raised fist! Electric!
Iron Man wraps up an incredible performance! Wrapped up tight, the politician delivered!
Hulk jumps so high from joy he nearly touches the scoreboard. Almost. I learned backstage that LaMelo Ball also does politician on weekends. That explains those reflexes. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
95-110 (L)
Seth Curry, this guy with a proven track record, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Hulk misses the bunny! A scientist dropping the hidden truth from point-blank!
Seth Curry spins into a trap! Shaky emotions under pressure when reading the defense!
This hall-of-fame lock Hulk caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Seth Curry posts up the orange beautifully for a catch-and-shoot triple! What touch!
Off to the locker room. Seth Curry has already drained two water bottles. Confession: Seth Curry believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Victor Wembanyama shoots away from the huddle! This name that's buzzing in a dark place mentally!
LaMelo Ball misfires from the right corner! This respected competitor searching for answers!
Hulk schemes with the coaching staff! Plotting the next move, true scientist!
LaMelo Ball, this tree of a man, laboring up and down! Sometimes predictable game draining the energy!
Iron Man, this league veteran, takes the loss hard. Tendency to rush at the wrong moments.
Seth Curry turns back to look at the court one last time. LaMelo Ball doesn't turn around. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
81-109 (L)
This next-level player Victor Wembanyama gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
LaMelo Ball, this tower, gets the look but can't convert at the top of the key!
LaMelo Ball, this 7-footer, gets stripped from the right corner! Defense that's basically a suggestion exposed!
This up-and-coming baller Seth Curry can't recover! Scored on off the pick and roll! Heavy feet!
Hulk goes to work through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
Halftime. Victor Wembanyama is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Fun fact: Victor Wembanyama got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Victor Wembanyama drives the towel! This guy with a proven track record showing injury-prone body!
This living legend Hulk misfires again! Heavy feet could cost the team!
LaMelo Ball, this mountain of a man, exploits the mismatch from the left corner! Smart play!
Victor Wembanyama, this legit talent, is dragging! The 48 regulation minutes minutes taking their toll!
Hulk reflects on what could have been. Tendency to rush the difference tonight.
Victor Wembanyama's face is locked shut, zero emotion. LaMelo Ball hides his eyes under a towel. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
113-101 (W)
The game begins and Iron Man is ready! You can see natural-born leadership written all over his face!
Hulk, this solid build, rises above and hammers a euro-step!
This up-and-coming baller Seth Curry with a critical stop! A crucial offensive board when it counts!
Victor Wembanyama threads the needle! Beautiful assist from downtown! Unreal court vision!
Seth Curry, this smooth operator, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
The players head in. Seth Curry slips on the wet tunnel floor. Juicy intel: Seth Curry turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
A thunderous slam from Iron Man driving to the hoop! That's a statement right there!
Deafening noise! Iron Man blows past and the building shakes!
LaMelo Ball, this towering presence, anchors the second unit! This player making noise versatile contributor!
Hulk, this swiss-army-knife type, makes a statement! This hall-of-fame lock is here to stay!
Hulk wraps up with a double-double! Double duty: their lab notebook and the Wilson!
Seth Curry pretends to faint from happiness. Victor Wembanyama pretends to call 911. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
120-101 (W)
LaMelo Ball takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
This league veteran Seth Curry does it again! A sky hook with effortless precision!
Iron Man with the strip! Snatched the leather clean, that's a politician with quick hands!
Iron Man leads the break! Leading the charge like a politician who runs the show!
Iron Man overloads one side! Loading up with politician strategy!
End of the second quarter. Victor Wembanyama is breathing so loud you can hear it from here. I've been told Victor Wembanyama always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Victor Wembanyama catches fire! And it's an alley-oop! That dawg mentality taking over!
Victor Wembanyama, this well-respected player, waves the crowd up! Wild stands rising!
LaMelo Ball makes the extra pass! This solid pro hockey assist for a finger roll!
The arc of this game bends toward Seth Curry! This seasoned vet controlling destiny!
This franchise cornerstone Hulk wraps up a sensational performance! Victory is sweet!
Victor Wembanyama performs an absolutely ridiculous victory dance. Iron Man imitates it. It's worse. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
90-128 (L)
Victor Wembanyama fires up the crowd to open the game! This league veteran starting strong!
Iron Man fires away the basketball into nothing! Limited stamina on full display tonight!
Iron Man loses the Wilson! A politician would never be this careless!
Victor Wembanyama gets burned on the drive! Lack of consistency in lateral movement!
This player making noise Seth Curry throws an elbow in frustration! Ego the size of Texas on full display!
Halftime whistle. LaMelo Ball has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Word is LaMelo Ball sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
Victor Wembanyama can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this seasoned vet!
Iron Man gets the cramp timeout! Cramping from shaping the public policy and hooping!
Victor Wembanyama with a wild pass that sails out! This solid pro giving it away!
Hulk argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to discoverring the hidden truth!
Seth Curry, this solid pro, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Victor Wembanyama refuses Denver Horse-Track's handshake. LaMelo Ball offers a limp one with just his fingertips. I learned backstage that LaMelo Ball also does politician on weekends. That explains those reflexes. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
100-112 (L)
Seth Curry, this solid build, announced to huge cheers! A sold-out gym on fire!
LaMelo Ball forces a bad buzzer beater! This respected competitor needs to trust teammates!
Seth Curry takes off the leather right to the defense! Costly mistake by this legit talent!
Hulk, this combo guard, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over ego the size of Texas!
LaMelo Ball with the tough free throw through contact! This league veteran won't be denied!
Well-deserved break. Iron Man looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Anecdote: Iron Man once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Seth Curry, this swiss-army-knife type, shows negative body language! Tendency to force bad shots creeping in!
This next-level player Victor Wembanyama short-arms a sky hook from mid-range! Not enough lift!
Hulk changes the defensive scheme! Strategic mind of a scientist!
Hulk is running on fumes! The scientist tank is completely empty!
This well-respected player Victor Wembanyama shakes hands and moves on. In the end, tendency to force bad shots proved costly.
Iron Man claps his hands in frustration. LaMelo Ball clenches his jaw so hard you can hear it from here. During the game, I counted how many times I said 'incredible.' Seventeen. A personal record. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
92-126 (L)
LaMelo Ball opens with a half-court heave! This established player making an early statement!
This player on the come-up Victor Wembanyama muscles up a tear drop but can't get it to fall!
This next-level player Seth Curry commits the offensive foul! Turnover on the low block!
Iron Man beaten to the spot! Slower than a politician on a Monday morning!
Hulk slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a scientist hits the workbench!
Halftime whistle! Seth Curry grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Anecdote: Seth Curry tried to impress the Cleveland Twin-Towers players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With his face. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
Hulk, this first-ballot legend, sends the Wilson wide! The touch is off tonight!
Victor Wembanyama misses from fatigue! This name that's buzzing can't get the elevation along the baseline!
Iron Man passes to nobody! This seasoned vet with a head-scratching decision!
Hulk, this tweener, pounds the scorer's table! Sometimes predictable game on full display!
Iron Man, this versatile guy, trudges off the gymnasium. Lessons to take from this one.
Hulk leaves the court at a jog. Victor Wembanyama stays there, planted at center court, motionless. While you were watching the game, I was desperately searching for my pen. Still haven't found it. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
92-102 (L)
Victor Wembanyama, this respected competitor, embraces the palpable tension! Game on!
Hulk clanks it off the rim! That sounded like their lab notebook hitting the hidden truth!
Turnover by Hulk! Discoverring the hidden truth requires less coordination, clearly!
LaMelo Ball, this giant, gets exploited in the switch! Lack of consistency exposed in the mismatch!
This next-level player Victor Wembanyama is automatic on the low block! A bank shot drops again!
Break! Seth Curry grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Fun fact: Seth Curry failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
Victor Wembanyama attacks angrily after the turnover! This established player spiraling!
Victor Wembanyama air-mails a bucket under the basket! Way off for this next-level player!
Victor Wembanyama, this guy with a proven track record, manages the clock beautifully in the extra period!
Seth Curry is gassed! This up-and-coming baller bent over at half court! Injury-prone body catching up!
This well-respected player LaMelo Ball congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this well-respected player.
Victor Wembanyama sighs so loudly that the reporters hear it. Seth Curry winces. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
94-125 (L)
Victor Wembanyama, this beanpole, takes the court! The Playoff atmosphere is electric!
A buzzer-beater from Victor Wembanyama sails wide! This legit talent needs to regroup!
Hulk lets fly carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Hulk lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this basketball god fooled!
Hulk converts in transition! An off-balance shot with trademark an off-the-charts basketball IQ!
The players head to the locker room. Victor Wembanyama is sweating like a racehorse. Exclusive: Victor Wembanyama was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Victor Wembanyama can't mask the disappointment! This seasoned vet wearing it on the sleeve!
LaMelo Ball rushes a double-clutch layup from way beyond the arc! Tendency to rush creeping in!
Victor Wembanyama, this name that's buzzing, orchestrates the delay game! That dawg mentality in action!
Victor Wembanyama grabs the shorts! This name that's buzzing is running on fumes!
This guy with a proven track record Iron Man tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
LaMelo Ball watches the crowd file out in silence. Seth Curry prefers not to look. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
101-122 (L)
Iron Man checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Seth Curry fires a pull-up jumper on the low block but can't connect! Sometimes predictable game showing!
Iron Man throws it into traffic! Reckless pass, the politician got too confident!
Victor Wembanyama gambles for the steal and pays the price! Limited stamina!
Hulk handles the rock like their lab notebook. A half-court heave in the paint! The precision of a scientist!
The players disappear. Victor Wembanyama has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Physio's confession: Victor Wembanyama purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
LaMelo Ball slams the Wilson in frustration! Tendency to rush on full display!
This respected competitor Iron Man rattles it out! So close yet so far in transition!
This absolute legend Hulk runs the pick-and-pop to perfection! Tactical mastery!
Hulk finds a second wind! The scientist engine roars back to life!
LaMelo Ball walks off in silence. This player on the come-up gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Victor Wembanyama pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Seth Curry takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
My Team ends the season #10 with a 6W-9L record. Season MVP: Victor Wembanyama.
Season journal
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