My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | New York Over-Timers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | My Team | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby! Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for Shaquille O'Neal! Picture this: standing at 216 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight. You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance. The chef's surprise of the evening is Thanos. An amateur by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the game with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him. Let's address the elephant in the room: the budget is OBSCENE. We're so deep into the luxury tax that the team accountant quit, got replaced, and the replacement quit too. The owner doesn't give a damn, he wants the ring and he's willing to burn every last dollar to get it. The result? An absolute dream roster. Every name on this lineup card sends shivers down opponents' spines. It's like playing NBA 2K with the sliders maxed out. It's almost unfair. And tonight, it probably will be.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
76-120 (L)
And we're underway! Stephen Curry touches the damn ball first! This reliable star looks eager!
Shaquille O'Neal, this colossus, gets the separation but can't finish! Tendency to force bad shots!
Stephen Curry, this all-around player, gets called for the carry! Injury-prone body in ball-handling!
Thanos gambles for the steal and pays the price! Sometimes predictable game!
Stephen Curry glares at the scoreboard! This established star not happy with the situation!
The locker room. Shaquille O'Neal sprawls out full-length on the bench. Did you know Shaquille O'Neal keeps a photo of his dog in his right shoe? It's a Bichon. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Shaquille O'Neal crosses over the orange but it won't fall! Cold streak continues!
Peter Parker is gassed! This dark horse bent over at half court! Occasional mental lapses catching up!
Peter Parker with the careless pass! Competing the game with more care, please!
LeBron James drops the head after another miss! Sometimes predictable game sapping the confidence!
Peter Parker takes the loss hard! Hard as the game on a bad superhero day!
Stephen Curry leaves the court at a jog. Peter Parker stays there, planted at center court, motionless. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
135-89 (W)
LeBron James drives with energy from the opening whistle! This absolute legend locked in!
Peter Parker, this smooth operator, muscles in for a scoop layup! Pure power!
Shaquille O'Neal with the transition assist! This generational talent pushing the pace with that dawg mentality!
This big-name player Stephen Curry does it again! A thunderous slam with effortless precision!
Stephen Curry picks the pocket of the ball handler! Straight robbery!
Break! Peter Parker grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Little scoop: Peter Parker logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
LeBron James fires away and converts! A catch-and-shoot triple at the top of the key! Money!
LeBron James, this big fella, is toying with the opposition from the left corner! Dominant!
Peter Parker is coaching using their bare hands diagrams! The whiteboard looks interesting!
Thanos points to the sky after a scoop layup! This guy nobody was talking about in the zone!
Peter Parker shoots into the tunnel with the W! This newcomer all smiles!
Stephen Curry rips the net off the rim. Thanos wraps it around his neck like a scarf. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
115-100 (W)
Game time! Peter Parker and this raw talent ready to put on a show at the temple of basketball!
Thanos, this guy nobody was talking about, exploits the mismatch for a reverse layup! Too easy!
Stephen Curry, this solid build, clamps down in the clutch! Elite a charge taken!
Thanos, this hungry young player, dishes to the hot hand! Smart basketball!
Shaquille O'Neal, this living legend, orchestrates the delay game! Scary good handles in action!
The players disappear into the tunnel. LeBron James asks for an ice pack. Fun fact: LeBron James tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. On to the next chapter. The court is just waiting for the ball.
A tear drop by Shaquille O'Neal off the pick and roll! An off-the-charts basketball IQ in every fiber!
Thanos soaks in immense pressure! This who-is-this-guy player living for these moments!
Peter Parker drives the pick-and-roll to perfection! Chemistry on display!
Thanos is writing the story tonight! This diamond in the rough with a double-clutch layup facing the rim!
This global icon LeBron James caps off a special night! A bench mob celebration! Until next time!
LeBron James takes Thanos by the hand and they bow to the crowd like stage actors. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
93-104 (L)
Thanos shoots onto the floor! The crowd roars for this dude out of nowhere!
LeBron James gets a clean look but injury-prone body costs the bucket!
Thanos with the backcourt violation! This newcomer under too much pressure!
This established star Stephen Curry fouls reaching in! Limited stamina on defense!
LeBron James with another euro-step! You can't stop this man!
The players disappear. Peter Parker has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Small detail: Peter Parker wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Peter Parker stares in disbelief! The look of a superhero who just lost everything!
Thanos fires a bank shot under the basket but can't connect! Shaky emotions under pressure showing!
This elite player Stephen Curry sets the back screen! Night-in night-out consistency off-ball contribution!
Shaquille O'Neal, this 7-footer, laboring up and down! Tendency to force bad shots draining the energy!
This generational talent Shaquille O'Neal leaves the field house with head held high. Fought to the end.
Shaquille O'Neal pulls his cap down over his eyes. Thanos doesn't have a cap, and it shows. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
114-83 (W)
This basketball god LeBron James in the starting lineup! Let's see what this basketball god brings!
This dude out of nowhere Thanos is automatic facing the rim! A pull-up jumper drops again!
This unknown gem Thanos zips the pass through! Another dime from this tweener!
Peter Parker steps back the rock with flair and hits an off-balance shot! Sensational!
Stephen Curry, this all-around player, erases the shot at the rim! Rim protector!
Rest time. Shaquille O'Neal isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. I've been told Shaquille O'Neal always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
Thanos, this do-it-all player, elevates for a monster reverse layup!
Stephen Curry fires away to yet another easy bucket! The floodgates opened!
LeBron James spins and the shoe flies off! This basketball god playing barefoot briefly!
Shaquille O'Neal, this colossus, flexes on the crowd! A bench mob celebration after a hook shot!
LeBron James can breathe! The win is secured, it's over!
Shaquille O'Neal does the floss while LeBron James spins like a top. Peter Parker just stands there, arms crossed. Cool. I learned that Shaquille O'Neal's father was a superhero. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
106-107 (L)
LeBron James, this oversized freak, sets the tone immediately! Night-in night-out consistency from the jump!
LeBron James, this colossus, uses every inch to deliver a sky hook!
Peter Parker gets posted up and scored on! This dark horse overpowered!
A pull-up jumper attempt by Shaquille O'Neal falls short! Occasional mental lapses in the legs!
This dark horse Thanos refuses to accept defeat! A buzzer beater keeps hope alive!
Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Peter Parker picks up the pace. Fun fact: Peter Parker blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Thanos, this all-around player, chokes on the big stage! Coming out of the locker room miss!
Thanos, this combo guard, shows negative body language! Heavy feet creeping in!
This guy everybody knows Stephen Curry proves the critics wrong! A moment of pure grace vindication!
Thanos can't handle the pressure! This surprise package folds on a strategic timeout!
Shaquille O'Neal walks off in silence. This global icon gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Stephen Curry kicks his towel across the floor. Thanos has already left for the locker room, alone. I spent the fourth quarter standing. Not by choice. My chair gave out in the third. That's a wrap! And now, the network's masterpiece: 'My Cat, My Battle.' Don't miss the finale.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
97-105 (L)
Thanos pulls up into position! This newcomer not wasting any time!
Shaquille O'Neal rises up but the shot rims out! Defense that's basically a suggestion rears its ugly head!
This guy nobody was talking about Thanos commits the 5-second violation! Clock management tendency to rush!
Shaquille O'Neal gives up the back door! Shaky emotions under pressure when overplaying!
Peter Parker hits from downtown! Precision worthy of their bare hands from mid-range!
Halftime. Stephen Curry wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Rumor has it Stephen Curry does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
This potential GOAT LeBron James gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Stephen Curry misfires from along the baseline! This max-contract guy searching for answers!
Shaquille O'Neal posts up with purpose every possession! This all-time great chess master!
Thanos is running on pure willpower! This guy nobody was talking about refusing to quit!
Shaquille O'Neal sits alone on the bench. This potential GOAT processing the defeat.
Shaquille O'Neal sits on the floor in the hallway. Stephen Curry sits down next to him. Nobody speaks. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
104-105 (L)
This surprise package Thanos means business! Fast start in transition!
A half-court heave from Peter Parker! This surprise package is putting on a show tonight!
Shaquille O'Neal turns the head and loses the man! This potential GOAT napping defensively!
LeBron James, this generational talent, pulls the trigger under the basket but no luck!
Peter Parker orchestrates the miracle comeback! Miraculous as a superhero saving their bare hands!
Break. LeBron James's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Fun fact: LeBron James tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Shaquille O'Neal, this mammoth, forces a bad shot in the final quarter! Limited stamina!
Thanos, this guy nobody was talking about, refuses to high-five! Sometimes predictable game hurting the chemistry!
Shaquille O'Neal blows past with purpose! Insane court vision driving this team forward!
Stephen Curry can't hit the go-ahead! Hot head when the lights are brightest!
Shaquille O'Neal, this big fella, hangs the head. Tough loss despite a killer instinct effort.
Stephen Curry walks in slow motion, arms dangling. Shaquille O'Neal speeds up. Wants it to be over. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Shaquille O'Neal. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
84-111 (L)
Shaquille O'Neal, this basketball god, embraces the standing ovation! Game on!
Thanos, this tweener, gets the look but can't convert in transition!
LeBron James throws it into the stands! What was that from this global icon!
Stephen Curry gets burned on the drive! Hot head in lateral movement!
Stephen Curry with an incredible alley-oop at the top of the key! Standing ovation!
Time to breathe. Thanos has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. True story: Thanos walked into the wrong locker room during his first game against Houston Blast-Off. Awkward. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Peter Parker mouths off and picks up a T! Injury-prone body taking over!
Peter Parker can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this hungry young player!
Shaquille O'Neal, this generational talent, manipulates the defense with the eyes! A gym-rat work ethic!
This dude out of nowhere Thanos is a warrior but the body says no! The contest of war!
Peter Parker walks off in defeat! Even a superhero's skills couldn't save tonight!
Stephen Curry hurls his water bottle at the wall. Peter Parker flinches but doesn't react. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
102-115 (L)
Peter Parker sets the tone early! The superhero came to play tonight!
Air ball from Peter Parker! Being a superhero doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
LeBron James charges right into the defender! Turnover! Heavy feet when controlling pace!
LeBron James lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this certified GOAT candidate fooled!
Stephen Curry with the smooth tear drop! This jersey-selling name making it look easy!
The players disappear. LeBron James has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Anecdote: LeBron James tried to impress the Denver Horse-Track players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With his face. Break's over, time for basketball. Let's go.
This first-ballot legend LeBron James hangs the head after the miss! Deflated facing the rim!
Peter Parker misses the open look! This who-is-this-guy player can't believe it! Limited stamina!
This undisputed superstar Shaquille O'Neal recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
This guy everybody knows Stephen Curry can't close out! The legs are shot from the left corner!
Thanos reflects on what could have been. Defense that's basically a suggestion difference tonight.
Thanos stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. Shaquille O'Neal comes back to get him. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
92-123 (L)
This established star Stephen Curry comes out aggressive! Opens with an and-one from the right corner!
Peter Parker misfires on the floater! Too much float, the superhero touch abandoned them!
This household name Shaquille O'Neal dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over sometimes predictable game!
Shaquille O'Neal attacks driving to the hoop and finishes with a half-court heave! Too good!
Back to the locker room. Thanos punches his locker. Little secret: Thanos watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Peter Parker, this all-around player, pounds the scorer's table! Limited stamina on full display!
LeBron James clanks another one off the rim! This first-ballot legend needs to find rhythm!
Stephen Curry pushes the pace in transition! Nerves of steel showing in every play!
LeBron James bends over during the dead ball! This all-time great gathering what's left!
Peter Parker fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the superhero gave everything!
Shaquille O'Neal refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. Stephen Curry watches it and immediately regrets it. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
95-119 (L)
This guy with rings on every finger LeBron James opens the scoring! A fadeaway jumper! Early advantage!
Brick! Peter Parker misfires on the low block! Limited stamina at the worst time!
LeBron James rises up into a trap! Heavy feet when reading the defense!
Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, lets the shooter get free along the baseline! Costly lapse!
Thanos converts from mid-range! A layup with trademark unreal swagger!
End of the first half. Thanos is beet red but still standing. Little secret: Thanos watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, waves off the play call! Hot head hurting the team!
Thanos forces up a double-clutch layup over the defense! Heavy feet! Bad decision!
Thanos lets fly to the weak side! This dude out of nowhere exploiting the rotation!
Peter Parker misses from fatigue! Tired arms from competing the game all week!
Stephen Curry, this jersey-selling name, takes the loss hard. Defense that's basically a suggestion at the wrong moments.
LeBron James stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. Stephen Curry comes back to get him. Tonight I had a revelation: Stephen Curry runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
103-97 (W)
Stephen Curry, this jersey-selling name, draws first blood! A scoop layup to start!
Peter Parker treats the Wilson like the game and sinks it. Easy as pie for a superhero!
Peter Parker anticipates perfectly! A superhero who always sees it coming!
This total unknown Thanos with the one-handed bullet pass! Right on the money!
This hidden prospect Thanos switches defensive assignments on the fly! Freakish explosiveness!
Halftime whistle. Stephen Curry high-fives his teammates on the way out. Anecdote: Stephen Curry tried to impress the Boston Ring-Chasers players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With his face. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
Stephen Curry posts up the ball into a buzzer beater! Freakish explosiveness shining through!
The road crowd tries to rally but Stephen Curry silences them! Immense pressure!
Peter Parker boxes out for the teammate! Making room like a superhero with the game!
The legend of Thanos grows! This hungry young player adding another chapter from mid-range!
Peter Parker is named player of the game! The superhero is also the star!
Shaquille O'Neal slides across the court in his socks while Stephen Curry splashes water on everyone. Tonight I had a revelation: Stephen Curry runs exactly like my neighbor when he misses the bus. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
105-100 (W)
Shaquille O'Neal, this colossus, announced to huge cheers! A Finals-like atmosphere!
This potential breakout star Peter Parker with the volleyball spike a drawn charge! Emphatic!
A deep three by LeBron James at half court is way off! Tough night for this franchise cornerstone!
Peter Parker catches fire! And it's a buzzer beater! An off-the-charts basketball IQ taking over!
This world-class player Stephen Curry uses the floater over this swiss-army-knife type coverage! Smart!
Back to the locker room. Thanos's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. I've been told Thanos always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
This guy nobody was talking about Peter Parker with the monster charge taken in late in the quarter! Saved the game!
This top-tier talent Stephen Curry with a critical stop! An iron-wall defense when it counts!
Stephen Curry in an electric crowd! This certified bucket has been waiting for this stage!
This living legend LeBron James takes over! Back-to-back a bucket in the final quarter!
Thanos, this combo guard, carries the team to victory! MVP-level performance!
Shaquille O'Neal and LeBron James swap jerseys with each other. Makes no sense but it's the emotion talking. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
95-104 (L)
Shaquille O'Neal, this household name, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
This guy nobody was talking about Peter Parker rattles it out! So close yet so far from mid-range!
LeBron James, this mountain of a man, steps out of bounds with the Wilson! Mental lapse!
Stephen Curry gets crossed over! This guy everybody knows left frozen at half court!
This diamond in the rough Thanos capitalizes off the pick and roll! A buzzer beater with scary good handles!
Rest. Stephen Curry buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Exclusive: Stephen Curry was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Peter Parker slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a superhero hits the workbench!
Stephen Curry rises up but overcooks it! Ego the size of Texas showing up again!
Thanos, this versatile guy, exploits the mismatch facing the rim! Smart play!
This global icon Shaquille O'Neal can barely jump! The springs are gone from the right corner!
This certified GOAT candidate LeBron James congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this certified GOAT candidate.
Shaquille O'Neal kicks his towel across the floor. Stephen Curry has already left for the locker room, alone. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
My Team finishes #12 (5W-10L). Better luck next season! MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
Season Journal
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby!
Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This guy isn't just a basketball player, he's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for Shaquille O'Neal! Picture this: standing at 216 cm, but he handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like he's at shootaround. When he attacks the paint, it's simple, he's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on his poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight.
You want to know the difference between a good player and a damn franchise player? It's the fourth quarter. When the legs are burning, when the lungs are begging for mercy, when the scoreboard is taunting you with a tight score, that's when he lights up. Like a diesel engine finally hitting its temperature. The first three quarters are the warm-up. The fourth quarter is his hunting ground. And the prey? It's the teams that thought they had a chance.
The chef's surprise of the evening is Thanos. An amateur by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the game with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him.
Let's address the elephant in the room: the budget is OBSCENE. We're so deep into the luxury tax that the team accountant quit, got replaced, and the replacement quit too. The owner doesn't give a damn, he wants the ring and he's willing to burn every last dollar to get it. The result? An absolute dream roster. Every name on this lineup card sends shivers down opponents' spines. It's like playing NBA 2K with the sliders maxed out. It's almost unfair. And tonight, it probably will be.
My Team finishes #12 (5W-10L). Better luck next season! MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
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