My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 4 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | My Team | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Stop. Everybody shut up. You feel that? That smell of freshly waxed hardwood, brand-new kicks, and electric tension hanging in the air? That's the smell of a night that's going down in the history books. We're in a building where every seat is taken, every eye is locked on the tunnel where a team that has thrilled generations is about to emerge. Championships, heartbreaks, legendary comebacks, midnight trades that shifted the entire balance of the league... This franchise is a damn novel all by itself. And tonight, we're starting the next chapter. The team with no name, baby! Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but Dua Lipa is something else entirely. She's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. Standing at 173 cm, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This woman feels the game. She knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. She reads passes like she's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery. What kills you about this girl is that she makes basketball look easy. You watch her and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of her is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and she just dropped a step-back in her face like she was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch. Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Dua Lipa is on this team. Dua Lipa, who is a film producer and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The girl shows up with their loaded checkbook under her arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At her first practice, she tried a crossover and twisted her ankle. At her second, she attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this woman has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world. The budget? What budget? We're so far below the salary floor you could limbo under it blindfolded. The team accountant is the owner's cousin running Excel 2003 with no updates since the Bush administration. The jerseys are hand-washed by the intern, road trips are carpooled, and the last free agent who visited the facilities turned around the second he saw the locker room. But you know what? Character is forged in the struggle. And this team's got character coming out of its damn ears.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
81-126 (L)
And we're underway! Dua Lipa touches the ball first! This guy with rings on every finger looks eager!
Air ball from Dua Lipa! Being a film producer doesn't help with shooting, apparently!
This certified GOAT candidate Dua Lipa dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Dua Lipa, this miniature missile, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over occasional mental lapses!
Kanye West mouths off on a strategic timeout! A rapper venting about the fiery bars!
Break time. Sabrina Carpenter bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Fun fact: Sabrina Carpenter got rejected at a casting for a deodorant commercial. The irony. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
Dua Lipa shoots but the shot rims out! Heavy feet rears its ugly head!
Kanye West finds a second wind! The rapper engine roars back to life!
Taylor Swift, this pint-sized baller, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted from the right corner!
Sabrina Carpenter argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to portraying the film character!
Dua Lipa packs up and heads out! Packing their loaded checkbook, unpacking emotions!
Taylor Swift stares at her hands like she doesn't recognize them. Dua Lipa exhales. Again. And again. Evening confession: I'm wearing Taylor Swift's jersey under my shirt. For morale. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
118-93 (W)
Eminem posts up with energy from the opening whistle! This once-in-a-lifetime player locked in!
Sabrina Carpenter, this do-it-all player, with a silky catch-and-shoot triple from way beyond the arc! Smooth operator!
Kanye West steals the ball! Quick hands from spitting the fiery bars all day!
This franchise guy Sabrina Carpenter with the wraparound pass! How did that get through!
Sabrina Carpenter controls the glass! Board work as precise as a day job with the script binder!
The locker room fills up. Taylor Swift has already eaten three oranges. Anecdote: Taylor Swift lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Taylor Swift applies the same technique to the basketball as to the game. A free throw from mid-range!
The energy in this building is unreal! Eminem channeling a boiling cauldron!
Kanye West, this guy with rings on every finger, communicates the switch! An off-the-charts basketball IQ and vocal leadership!
The legend of Eminem grows! This undisputed superstar adding another chapter from mid-range!
Sabrina Carpenter launches to the crowd! A raised fist! This jersey-selling name gave everything!
Dua Lipa runs to the coach and lifts the coach up. Not thrilled but smiles anyway. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
89-115 (L)
Dua Lipa posts up into position! This once-in-a-lifetime player not wasting any time!
This global icon Taylor Swift throws up a prayer off the pick and roll! Not answered!
Kanye West, this solid build, gets stripped driving to the hoop! Ego the size of Texas exposed!
Taylor Swift turns the head and loses the man! This certified GOAT candidate napping defensively!
Dua Lipa knocks down a euro-step under the basket! Ice in the veins!
That's a wrap for now. Eminem dives into the tunnel. Quick anecdote about Eminem: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Dua Lipa walks away muttering! Muttering about the risky picture under their breath!
Dua Lipa clanks it off the rim! That sounded like their loaded checkbook hitting the risky picture!
This established star Sabrina Carpenter runs the pick-and-pop to perfection! Tactical mastery!
Kanye West asks for the ball to slow the pace! This all-time great needs air!
Sabrina Carpenter explodes to the tunnel in disappointment. This All-Star caliber talent will learn from this.
Dua Lipa avoids the cameras like the plague. Taylor Swift gets caught. Just says 'we'll be better'. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
118-98 (W)
This hall-of-fame lock Dua Lipa opens the scoring! A reverse layup! Early advantage!
Eminem hits the pull-up jumper! The elevation of a rapper lifting their hot mic!
Sabrina Carpenter, this combo guard, swats it into the third row! A left-handed block!
Sabrina Carpenter dishes a beautiful pass! Special delivery from this movie actor!
This generational talent Eminem calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Eminem walks head down toward the tunnel. Intel: Eminem once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Eminem with the fadeaway devastating dunk! Smooth as their hot mic in action!
Camera pans to Sabrina Carpenter's movie actor colleagues in the stands! Movie actor solidarity!
Eminem lets fly the Spalding with patience! This global icon trusting the system!
Kanye West bridges two worlds: the fiery bars and a tear drop, bound by passion!
Kanye West ends on a high note! A rapper who finishes strong every time!
Taylor Swift and Eminem swing Sabrina Carpenter around by her arms like a carousel. She looks sick. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
95-102 (L)
Sabrina Carpenter takes the court to a cathedral silence! The movie actor with the script binder is here!
Dua Lipa rushes a pull-up jumper at the buzzer! Lack of consistency creeping in!
Dua Lipa charges right into the defender! Turnover! Defense that's basically a suggestion when controlling pace!
Taylor Swift loses their assignment! Like losing their bare hands in the workshop!
Taylor Swift goes coast to coast for an alley-oop! This household name is relentless!
First half is done. Sabrina Carpenter is chugging Gatorade like it's water. Anecdote: Sabrina Carpenter tried to impress the Phoenix No-Defense players with a warm-up dunk. Hit the rim. With her face. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
Dua Lipa, this franchise cornerstone, barks at the teammate! Limited stamina taking over!
Sabrina Carpenter, this All-Star caliber talent, pulls the trigger in the paint but no luck!
This undisputed superstar Taylor Swift recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
Dua Lipa grabs the shorts! This global icon is running on fumes!
This certified GOAT candidate Eminem shakes hands and moves on. In the end, tendency to force bad shots proved costly.
Eminem watches the crowd file out in silence. Dua Lipa prefers not to look. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
90-108 (L)
Taylor Swift announces themselves! The philanthropist has arrived and the building knows it!
Eminem, this absolute legend, comes up empty! A scoop layup off target at the top of the key!
Dua Lipa throws it out of bounds! Like launching their loaded checkbook into the void!
Eminem gets screened out of the play! This hall-of-fame lock lost in traffic!
Dua Lipa converts from way beyond the arc! A film producer converting the risky picture into gold!
Heading in. Taylor Swift's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Fun fact: Taylor Swift tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in her contract. Denied. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
Eminem, this solid build, pounds the scorer's table! Heavy feet on full display!
Taylor Swift explodes the Wilson into nothing! Sometimes predictable game on full display tonight!
Kanye West explodes to the right spot! Nerves of steel off-ball movement!
Sabrina Carpenter labors up the court! Trudging like a movie actor dragging the film character!
Eminem tells reporters: 'Tomorrow we spits better, like the fiery bars!'
Dua Lipa snaps at the bench on her way out. Taylor Swift says nothing, but her look says everything. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
86-115 (L)
Taylor Swift opens with a buzzer-beater! This generational talent making an early statement!
Kanye West blows past but it's well off! Tendency to force bad shots under fatigue!
Sabrina Carpenter, this solid build, commits the travel! Lack of consistency in the footwork!
Eminem gets posterized! A rapper framed by their hot mic in the worst way!
Eminem with the smooth fadeaway jumper! This global icon making it look easy!
Back to the locker room. Taylor Swift's shorts are torn but she couldn't care less. Did you know Taylor Swift knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Toronto Border-Patrol's colors. By accident, obviously. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
Dua Lipa is visibly upset! Upset as a film producer when the risky picture goes sideways!
Dua Lipa with a rough devastating dunk at the buzzer! Sometimes predictable game at the worst time!
Kanye West pins the defender! Pinning them down with rapper authority!
Sabrina Carpenter dishes but can't sustain the effort! Lack of consistency emptying the tank!
This undisputed superstar Eminem tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Dua Lipa kicks her towel across the floor. Taylor Swift has already left for the locker room, alone. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
90-132 (L)
Dua Lipa bounces the damn ball pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
Sabrina Carpenter fires and misses from downtown. Should have stuck with the film character!
Dua Lipa loses the Spalding in traffic! This guy with rings on every finger can't afford that!
Eminem gambles for the steal and pays the price! Shaky emotions under pressure!
This multi-time All-Star Sabrina Carpenter stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Break. Eminem asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Little scoop: Eminem tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Eminem misses badly! Should have aimed like they aim their hot mic at the fiery bars!
This living legend Eminem can't close out! The legs are shot under the basket!
Eminem with the backcourt violation! A rapper going backwards with the fiery bars!
Eminem, this all-around player, sits down hard on the bench! Ego the size of Texas written all over his face!
Kanye West walks off in defeat! Even a rapper's skills couldn't save tonight!
Eminem takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Kanye West follows the same path. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
85-111 (L)
This undisputed superstar Kanye West means business! Fast start on the low block!
Brick! Taylor Swift misfires facing the rim! Tendency to rush at the worst time!
Taylor Swift tries to be too fancy and loses the orange! Limited stamina in the decision-making!
Kanye West lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this absolute legend fooled!
Dua Lipa powers through for a step-back three! The brute force of greenlighting the risky picture!
Rest. Dua Lipa buries her head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Rumor has it Dua Lipa does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
Kanye West blows past away from the huddle! This undisputed superstar in a dark place mentally!
Dua Lipa can't buy a bucket! Another miss driving to the hoop! Frustrating!
Dua Lipa, this compact dynamo, sets a brick-wall screen! Iron discipline on full display!
Dua Lipa is out on their feet! Running on fumes and pure film producer stubbornness!
Sabrina Carpenter gave it everything! Everything a movie actor has, left on the court!
Dua Lipa claps her hands in frustration. Sabrina Carpenter clenches her jaw so hard you can hear it from here. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
101-100 (W)
Dua Lipa looks dialed in from the start! A killer instinct preparation showing!
Dua Lipa with a clutch steal! The reflexes of a film producer catching the risky picture!
This household name Eminem rattles it out! So close yet so far off the pick and roll!
Dua Lipa with a finger-roll reverse layup! Dexterity you only get from years as a film producer!
Eminem communicates the switch! Clear as a rapper's instructions!
Players head to the locker room. Taylor Swift has tape on three fingers. Exclusive: Taylor Swift was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Kanye West with the money shot! Worth its weight in their hot mic!
Dua Lipa slides to the passing lane and steals it! Silky smooth technique!
The arena is electric! This basketball god Eminem thriving in a hostile crowd!
Kanye West sinks it when it counts! Money time for this rapper!
This guy everybody knows Sabrina Carpenter seals the deal! Victory with a gym-rat work ethic!
Dua Lipa moonwalks across the hardwood. Eminem attempts the worm. One of them pulls it off. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
90-112 (L)
Dua Lipa checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Eminem can't finish! The rapper who finishes the fiery bars can't finish the play!
Dua Lipa trips up in the free-throw line! A film producer never trips at work... Right?
Sabrina Carpenter, this swiss-army-knife type, fouls unnecessarily in transition! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
The technical flair of Dua Lipa recalls their film producer days. A hook shot! Sublime!
Break. Kanye West's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Fun fact: Kanye West is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
Eminem penetrates the towel! This basketball god showing defense that's basically a suggestion!
Taylor Swift misfires facing the rim! Even this global icon has off nights!
Sabrina Carpenter plays the chess match! Outsmarted them like a movie actor on their best day!
Eminem tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like a rapper's energy for the fiery bars!
Taylor Swift leaves the palace of hoops with dignity! The dignity of a philanthropist with their bare hands!
Eminem and Kanye West walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
96-99 (L)
Dua Lipa steps onto the den! From greenlighting the risky picture to this, game time!
Dua Lipa scores off the glass! Bank shot precision of a film producer!
This all-time great Eminem misjudges the passing lane! Easy assist through!
Kanye West forces a bad thunderous slam! This undisputed superstar needs to trust teammates!
Kanye West delivers under pressure! Pressure-tested by their hot mic at work!
Into the tunnel. Eminem grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Intel: Eminem once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
This multi-time All-Star Sabrina Carpenter can't deliver when it matters! Tendency to force bad shots under pressure!
Eminem, this basketball god, with the frustrated foul! Tendency to force bad shots in tough moments!
Sabrina Carpenter is the people's champion! A movie actor for the people, the film character for all!
Kanye West misses the game-tying shot! Even a rapper couldn't save that one!
Eminem sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a rapper after their hot mic broke!
Eminem shakes Kanye West's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
100-111 (L)
Sabrina Carpenter locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a movie actor who means business!
Kanye West sends it wide! Their hot mic wouldn't forgive that either!
Kanye West coughs it up! A rapper's grip doesn't work on the Spalding!
Sabrina Carpenter bites on the fake! Fooled like a movie actor by counterfeit the film character!
Kanye West converts a tough half-court heave under the basket! Skill level: elite!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Kanye West asks for an ice pack. Little secret: Kanye West listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
Taylor Swift throws their hands up! Like a philanthropist when their bare hands breaks!
Taylor Swift shanks it from the right wing! Competing the game uses different muscles!
Kanye West, this smooth operator, seals the defender for position! Fundamentals!
Sabrina Carpenter grimaces through the effort! The grimace of a movie actor finishing the film character!
Sabrina Carpenter fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the movie actor gave everything!
Dua Lipa takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Eminem doesn't drink. Throat too tight. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
86-127 (L)
Sabrina Carpenter, this solid build, announced to huge cheers! A hostile crowd!
Eminem, this combo guard, bobbles the rock and the chance evaporates under the basket!
Eminem gets picked! A rapper getting the fiery bars stolen in broad daylight!
Eminem fouls trying to recover! Desperate as a rapper chasing the fiery bars!
Eminem, this versatile guy, waves off the play call! Ego the size of Texas hurting the team!
Into the tunnel. Dua Lipa grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Little secret: Dua Lipa has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
Taylor Swift, this lightning-quick little man, loses the handle and the opportunity! Limited stamina!
Taylor Swift is gassed! More tired than after a full day of competing the game!
Intercepted! Sabrina Carpenter's pass snatched right out of the air! A movie actor would never be that careless!
Sabrina Carpenter storms to the bench! Heated! This movie actor doesn't handle losing well!
This absolute legend Kanye West congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this absolute legend.
Kanye West scratches the back of his neck nervously. Sabrina Carpenter has the look of someone who has seen things. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
90-115 (L)
Kanye West huddles with the team! Huddling up, the rapper strategizes!
Eminem sends it long! Too much power, not enough finesse from this rapper!
Dua Lipa lets fly into a dead end from mid-range! Turnover! Occasional mental lapses!
Eminem beaten to the spot! Slower than a rapper on a Monday morning!
Taylor Swift with the tough finger roll through contact! This generational talent won't be denied!
Off to the locker room. Sabrina Carpenter has already drained two water bottles. Fun fact: Sabrina Carpenter is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
Eminem looks to the heavens! A rapper praying for their hot mic to work!
Dua Lipa with the contested free throw in transition! No good! Bad selection!
Taylor Swift reads the defense perfectly! Pure God-given talent and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Sabrina Carpenter grabs the jersey for air! Needs more air than the script binder in the workshop!
Sabrina Carpenter walks off in silence. This big-name player gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Dua Lipa stands alone at center court as the lights go dim. Taylor Swift comes back to get her. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
My Team finishes #15 (3W-12L). Better luck next season! MVP: Dua Lipa.
Season Journal
Stop. Everybody shut up. You feel that? That smell of freshly waxed hardwood, brand-new kicks, and electric tension hanging in the air? That's the smell of a night that's going down in the history books. We're in a building where every seat is taken, every eye is locked on the tunnel where a team that has thrilled generations is about to emerge. Championships, heartbreaks, legendary comebacks, midnight trades that shifted the entire balance of the league... This franchise is a damn novel all by itself. And tonight, we're starting the next chapter. The team with no name, baby!
Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but Dua Lipa is something else entirely. She's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. Standing at 173 cm, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This woman feels the game. She knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. She reads passes like she's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery.
What kills you about this girl is that she makes basketball look easy. You watch her and you think "well yeah, it's simple." And then you realize the defender in front of her is 6'9", runs a 4.4 forty, and she just dropped a step-back in her face like she was dribbling against a traffic cone at practice. It's not ease, it's absolute mastery disguised as nonchalance. And damn, is it beautiful to watch.
Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Dua Lipa is on this team. Dua Lipa, who is a film producer and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The girl shows up with their loaded checkbook under her arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At her first practice, she tried a crossover and twisted her ankle. At her second, she attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this woman has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world.
The budget? What budget? We're so far below the salary floor you could limbo under it blindfolded. The team accountant is the owner's cousin running Excel 2003 with no updates since the Bush administration. The jerseys are hand-washed by the intern, road trips are carpooled, and the last free agent who visited the facilities turned around the second he saw the locker room. But you know what? Character is forged in the struggle. And this team's got character coming out of its damn ears.
My Team finishes #15 (3W-12L). Better luck next season! MVP: Dua Lipa.
💬 💬 Comments & Suggestions (0)
💭
No comments yet. Be the first to share your opinion!
Do you like this creation?
Share it with your friends!
.jpg?width=300&width=400)
.jpg?width=300&width=400)
_(cropped).png?width=300&width=400)
_(54574520207)_(cropped).jpg?width=300&width=400)