My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇸🇬
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 4 | New York Over-Timers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | My Team | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Houston Blast-Off | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Phoenix No-Defense | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Let's not beat around the bush: tonight is going to be one hell of a show. The arena is packed, the air is unbreathable with tension, and the lights just went out for the pregame laser show. We're talking about a franchise that has weathered every storm: lockouts, star injuries, catastrophic trades, rebuilds that never seemed to end. And they're still here, standing tall, with the same fire in their belly. This club is a survivor. And when survivors bite, they don't let go. The team with no name, baby! Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. LeBron James. Standing at 206 cm, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction. The opposing locker room before the game, you know what they talk about? Not the game plan. Not the offensive scheme. No. They talk about HIM. "How do we stop him?" "Who takes the matchup?" "Does he look tired?" Spoiler: he's never tired. And even when he looks tired, it's a trap. The man fakes exhaustion in the third quarter and drops 14 in the fourth like a coiled spring being released. Opposing coaches have 50-page scouting reports on him, and every single page is absolutely useless. The chef's surprise of the evening is Jesus Christ. A messiah by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the game with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him. Budget: unlimited. Well technically there's a limit, but the owner decided to ignore it. We're in repeater tax territory, where every extra dollar of payroll costs FIVE dollars in penalties. The front office sweats with every new contract, the accountant has quit three times this year, but the owner keeps signing checks. The result? An absolute dream roster, the kind of team you build in NBA 2K when you turn on cheat mode. The downside? Zero flexibility. No first-round Draft picks, no free agent signings, no wiggle room whatsoever. It's all or nothing. And tonight, it's gonna be all.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
90-107 (L)
Jesus Christ steps onto the venue! From competing the game to this, game time!
LeBron James forces up a pull-up jumper over the defense! Lack of consistency! Bad decision!
LeBron James with the lazy pass! Heavy feet leading to easy points!
Jesus Christ loses their assignment! Like losing their bare hands in the workshop!
Bismack Biyombo, this dude putting the league on notice, threads the needle for a euro-step under the basket!
Break. Micheal Ray Richardson collapses next to the vending machine. Intel: Micheal Ray Richardson asked Detroit Engine-Roar for their energy drink recipe. They refused. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
This hall-of-fame lock Jesus Christ stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
This bonafide star Stephen Curry muscles up an off-balance shot but can't get it to fall!
Micheal Ray Richardson, this tower, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
Jesus Christ is gassed! More tired than after a full day of competing the game!
This undisputed superstar Jesus Christ congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this undisputed superstar.
Bismack Biyombo sits on the bench, staring into nothing. Micheal Ray Richardson has his head in his hands. I got a text from Bismack Biyombo after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
118-95 (W)
This all-time great LeBron James catches the leather early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
This generational talent Jesus Christ does it again! An off-balance shot with effortless precision!
Stephen Curry a sky-high block at the critical moment! Silky smooth technique right on cue!
Micheal Ray Richardson, this surprise package, draws the double and finds the open shooter! An unmatched feel for the game!
LeBron James, this mammoth, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! An unmatched feel for the game!
Coach calls everyone back. Bismack Biyombo drags his feet toward the tunnel. Rumor has it Bismack Biyombo tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
A pull-up jumper from LeBron James! This guy with rings on every finger is putting on a show tonight!
This who-is-this-guy player Micheal Ray Richardson silences the hostile crowd! An electric crowd shifts!
Jesus Christ rotates on defense! Rotating with their bare hands efficiency!
This first-ballot legend Jesus Christ is the heartbeat of this team! An All-Star Game worthy play leadership!
This household name LeBron James seals the deal! Victory with an off-the-charts basketball IQ!
LeBron James pretends to plant a flag at center court. Stephen Curry stands at attention. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
102-89 (W)
This global icon LeBron James comes out firing! A devastating dunk in the first minute!
Micheal Ray Richardson shoots past everyone for an alley-oop! This mammoth on a mission!
This raw talent Micheal Ray Richardson holds ground under the basket! Immovable object!
This basketball god LeBron James orchestrates the offense at half court! Maestro!
Jesus Christ slows the pace when the team needs it! This generational talent tempo control!
Halftime! LeBron James looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Exclusive: LeBron James was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
Bismack Biyombo, this dude putting the league on notice, unleashes a fadeaway jumper from the right corner! Bang!
Stephen Curry, this tweener, gets the standing ovation! A cathedral silence!
Jesus Christ sacrifices for the team! Selfless play from this messiah!
This guy with rings on every finger LeBron James turns adversity into fuel! A career-defining moment energy!
Stephen Curry rises up into the tunnel with the W! This certified bucket all smiles!
Micheal Ray Richardson pretends to plant a flag at center court. Jesus Christ stands at attention. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
100-99 (W)
Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, takes the court! The electric crowd is electric!
Bismack Biyombo anticipates the cut and deflects the rock! This player making noise reading minds!
LeBron James fires a half-court heave from downtown but can't connect! Injury-prone body showing!
LeBron James with another layup! You can't stop this man!
This bonafide star Stephen Curry calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Halftime. Stephen Curry's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Fun fact: Stephen Curry is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
Jesus Christ wants the ball and delivers! A deep three in the closing moments! Clutch gene!
Micheal Ray Richardson with a textbook defensive stance! That's how you do it!
The entire arena rises for Jesus Christ! A messiah lifted by their bare hands and love!
Bismack Biyombo breaks the tie! A thunderous slam! This player making noise wants to be the hero!
It's over! Bismack Biyombo delivers the goods! This respected competitor walks off a winner!
LeBron James and Micheal Ray Richardson cradle the game ball like a baby. Stephen Curry takes a photo. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
125-96 (W)
LeBron James takes off onto the floor! The crowd roars for this hall-of-fame lock!
This hidden prospect Micheal Ray Richardson with a cold-blooded pull-up jumper! No conscience!
Jesus Christ boxes out! Making space, that's the messiah work ethic!
LeBron James rises up and finds the trailer for a bucket! Great awareness!
Jesus Christ uses their size out there! The messiah has a built-in advantage!
Halftime. Stephen Curry wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Word is Stephen Curry sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Stephen Curry attacks from way beyond the arc and finishes with a bank shot! Too good!
This bonafide star Stephen Curry has the arena rocking! A Finals-like atmosphere off the charts!
Jesus Christ makes the extra pass! Extra effort, the messiah way!
Two worlds collide: the game and the pill, united by Jesus Christ!
Jesus Christ shares the credit! Team player on and off the court!
Stephen Curry improvises an Oscar acceptance speech. LeBron James plays the imaginary violin. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'Nailed It: Cakes Ruined by My Mother-in-Law.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
91-107 (L)
This franchise guy Stephen Curry means business! Fast start in the paint!
Jesus Christ denied by the basket! Even a messiah can't pry it open!
Stephen Curry charges right into the defender! Turnover! Defense that's basically a suggestion when controlling pace!
LeBron James, this mammoth, gets blown by on the perimeter! Occasional mental lapses in the legs!
Jesus Christ scores again! When you're a messiah by trade, the damn ball is child's play!
Break time. Stephen Curry bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Juicy anecdote: Stephen Curry was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Jesus Christ vents at their teammates! The messiah who vents about the game!
A free throw by Bismack Biyombo from the left corner is way off! Tough night for this established player!
This total unknown Micheal Ray Richardson recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, laboring up and down! Occasional mental lapses draining the energy!
LeBron James walks off in silence. This first-ballot legend gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Micheal Ray Richardson rips off his headband and throws it on the ground. Stephen Curry picks up his own and folds it carefully. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Stephen Curry. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
108-83 (W)
Jesus Christ huddles with the team! Huddling up, the messiah strategizes!
This generational talent Jesus Christ capitalizes from downtown! A step-back three with an unmatched feel for the game!
Bismack Biyombo blocks it and keeps it in play! Heads-up play, what awareness!
Micheal Ray Richardson fades away and dishes! Gorgeous feed along the baseline! Insane court vision!
Stephen Curry, this franchise guy, manages the clock beautifully in the second quarter!
The players file out. Micheal Ray Richardson exchanges a tense look with the coach. Locker room anecdote: Micheal Ray Richardson talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. The tunnel spits the players out. The war resumes.
Jesus Christ finishes through contact! Built tough from handling their bare hands!
The fans sense it coming! The energy is building as Jesus Christ gets hot!
Micheal Ray Richardson launches the rock with patience! This dude out of nowhere trusting the system!
LeBron James posts up with conviction! This guy with rings on every finger believes tonight is the night!
Micheal Ray Richardson fires away the trophy! This raw talent adds to the collection! A salute to the fans!
Jesus Christ and Micheal Ray Richardson slap each other's butts. LeBron James declines the invitation. Behind the scenes, I learned LeBron James was also a messiah in a past life. You can feel it in the game. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
114-95 (W)
Stephen Curry takes off with energy from the opening whistle! This franchise guy locked in!
Bismack Biyombo scores at will! A hook shot under the basket! This guy with a proven track record domination!
Jesus Christ, this combo guard, recovers and contests! Never-give-up effort fueled by a killer instinct!
LeBron James threads the needle! Beautiful assist from the right corner! Unreal court vision!
Stephen Curry takes off with purpose every possession! This world-class player chess master!
Heading in. Jesus Christ's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Fun fact: Jesus Christ was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
LeBron James, this tree of a man, dominates in transition and puts up a fadeaway jumper! Unstoppable!
Jesus Christ tips their mouthguard to the crowd! The messiah gesture with their bare hands!
This hall-of-fame lock LeBron James claps for the rookie! Encouragement from this hall-of-fame lock!
Jesus Christ walks onto the venue with their bare hands swagger and the leather confidence!
This legit talent Bismack Biyombo caps off a special night! A salute to the fans! Until next time!
Jesus Christ runs to the coach and lifts the coach up. Not thrilled but smiles anyway. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
111-83 (W)
Bismack Biyombo takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Jesus Christ with the reverse layup! Creative as a messiah with the game!
Micheal Ray Richardson, this absolute unit, blankets the shooter facing the rim! No daylight!
Jesus Christ, this solid build, drops the dime! An off-the-charts basketball IQ passing on display!
Micheal Ray Richardson makes the hockey pass! Insane court vision finding the extra pass!
Back to the locker room. Bismack Biyombo punches his locker. Did you know? Bismack Biyombo tried to become a rapper before basketball. The world dodged a bullet. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
Bismack Biyombo, this solid pro, absolutely nails an off-balance shot back to the basket! Take a bow!
This player making noise Bismack Biyombo acknowledges the fans! A crowd fully behind them of mutual respect!
Bismack Biyombo, this respected competitor, rotates on defense! Freakish explosiveness team commitment!
Jesus Christ, the messiah from the day shift, is writing their story on the venue tonight!
Micheal Ray Richardson attacks to the crowd! A primal scream! This guy nobody was talking about gave everything!
Stephen Curry and Jesus Christ carry LeBron James like a trophy across the entire court. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
92-103 (L)
Bismack Biyombo opens with a catch-and-shoot triple! This up-and-coming baller making an early statement!
This elite player Stephen Curry throws up a prayer from the right corner! Not answered!
LeBron James coughs up the leather! Tendency to force bad shots strikes again back to the basket!
Jesus Christ gets blown by! Even a messiah couldn't stop that!
Stephen Curry, this franchise guy, with the exclamation-point layup! Game changer!
Rest. Stephen Curry buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Locker room anecdote: Stephen Curry talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
This guy with rings on every finger Jesus Christ slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
LeBron James, this 7-footer, can't get a scoop layup to drop! Cold as ice tonight!
Jesus Christ exploits the mismatch! Finding weakness with their bare hands acumen!
This newcomer Micheal Ray Richardson calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Heavy feet taking its toll!
This certified GOAT candidate LeBron James shakes hands and moves on. In the end, lack of consistency proved costly.
Jesus Christ has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. LeBron James has aged ten years in forty minutes. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'What Would You Do: People Who Say Hello in the Elevator.' Exposing the truth.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
105-113 (L)
Tip-off! Stephen Curry gets us started! Let's go!
This dude out of nowhere Micheal Ray Richardson misses the mark! A deep three goes begging on the low block!
Stephen Curry fires away into a dead end from the right corner! Turnover! Lack of consistency!
Jesus Christ gets crossed over! This first-ballot legend left frozen at the top of the key!
LeBron James, this tower, showcases natural-born leadership with a gorgeous thunderous slam!
End of the first half. Jesus Christ is beet red but still standing. Little secret: Jesus Christ watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Bismack Biyombo, this guy with a proven track record, with the frustrated foul! Hot head in tough moments!
Jesus Christ misfires from mid-range! Even this once-in-a-lifetime player has off nights!
Stephen Curry, this all-around player, sets a brick-wall screen! Pure God-given talent on full display!
This name that's buzzing Bismack Biyombo can't close out! The legs are shot facing the rim!
Jesus Christ pulls up past the media. This all-time great not in the mood to talk.
Jesus Christ has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. LeBron James has aged ten years in forty minutes. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
95-108 (L)
Stephen Curry, this franchise guy, embraces the sold-out gym on fire! Game on!
LeBron James, this mammoth, gets the separation but can't finish! Limited stamina!
Micheal Ray Richardson throws it away! Heavy feet under pressure off the pick and roll!
Bismack Biyombo gets burned on the drive! Lack of consistency in lateral movement!
Micheal Ray Richardson, this total unknown, operates back to the basket with a catch-and-shoot triple! Clinic!
Break. Jesus Christ collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Rumor has it Jesus Christ tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Jesus Christ dunks the towel! This global icon showing lack of consistency!
Micheal Ray Richardson takes a tough buzzer beater and it doesn't go! Limited stamina in shot selection!
Jesus Christ executes a fast-break offense perfectly! Precision learned as a messiah!
Jesus Christ gulps water! As thirsty as a messiah reaching for the game!
Micheal Ray Richardson fires away to the tunnel in disappointment. This rising star will learn from this.
LeBron James bites the inside of his cheek. Jesus Christ pinches the bridge of his nose. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
97-109 (L)
This total unknown Micheal Ray Richardson in the starting lineup! Let's see what this total unknown brings!
Bismack Biyombo, this legit talent, comes up empty! A bank shot off target on the low block!
This player nobody saw coming Micheal Ray Richardson dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Bismack Biyombo lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this respected competitor fooled!
A floater by Micheal Ray Richardson! The crowd erupts! Iron discipline personified!
Back to the locker room. LeBron James punches his locker. Anecdote: LeBron James fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
Bismack Biyombo, this absolute unit, throws the hands up! Exasperated at the buzzer!
LeBron James dishes the leather into nothing! Tendency to force bad shots on full display tonight!
Jesus Christ adapts to the coverage! Adaptive as a messiah with the game!
Stephen Curry is visibly tired! This headliner needs a timeout badly!
Jesus Christ walks off in defeat! Even a messiah's skills couldn't save tonight!
Bismack Biyombo refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. Micheal Ray Richardson watches it and immediately regrets it. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
89-101 (L)
Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, announced to huge cheers! A Finals-like atmosphere!
This player nobody saw coming Micheal Ray Richardson shanks a tear drop along the baseline! That's uncharacteristic!
LeBron James with a wild pass that sails out! This living legend giving it away!
LeBron James falls asleep on the weak side! Tendency to rush exposed!
Bismack Biyombo fades away through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
End of the first act. Micheal Ray Richardson is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Physio's confession: Micheal Ray Richardson purrs when you massage his calves. Like a cat. A big cat. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
This surprise package Micheal Ray Richardson gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
This guy nobody was talking about Micheal Ray Richardson rattles it out! So close yet so far driving to the hoop!
This potential GOAT Jesus Christ with the savvy veteran play! Night-in night-out consistency experience showing!
Micheal Ray Richardson, this rising star, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
This absolute legend LeBron James stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this absolute legend wanted.
Stephen Curry pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Micheal Ray Richardson takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
97-112 (L)
The game begins and Bismack Biyombo is ready! You can see next-level basketball IQ written all over his face!
Bismack Biyombo shoots the orange right into the defender's hands! Heavy feet!
This established star Stephen Curry gets pickpocketed at the buzzer! Sloppy handling!
Bismack Biyombo, this beanpole, lets the shooter get free at the top of the key! Costly lapse!
Stephen Curry with the crafty free throw! Freakish explosiveness on display!
Halftime! Bismack Biyombo checks his stats on the board and winces. Confession: Bismack Biyombo calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
Jesus Christ mouths off at the jump ball! A messiah venting about the game!
LeBron James fires away and fires but misses everything! Hot head tonight!
Stephen Curry penetrates the ball out of the trap! Unreal swagger under pressure!
Jesus Christ is out on their feet! Running on fumes and pure messiah stubbornness!
Micheal Ray Richardson, this tree of a man, hangs the head. Tough loss despite a killer instinct effort.
Stephen Curry closes his eyes walking out. LeBron James keeps his wide open, fixed, empty. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
My Team ends the season #8 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: LeBron James.
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Season journal
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