moms team — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 4 | New York Over-Timers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | moms team | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 11 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Miami Heart-Attack | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
Pre-season
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. Ladies and gentlemen... Moms team! Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Jesus Christ. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. The man is massive, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly. And the most terrifying thing about him? It's not the stats, it's not the size, it's the calm. You know that moment where the arena is on its feet, the clock is ticking down the final seconds, sweat is pouring... And he's just chewing his gum like he's waiting for the bus? Then he loads up. And drains it. Stone cold. In front of 20,000 people on the verge of cardiac arrest. That's what a franchise player is: the guy who carries everyone on his shoulders and still makes it look easy. The chef's surprise of the evening is Aragorn. A king by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle realm's fate with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him. Let's talk budget, and by "budget" I mean the spare change you find between the couch cushions. These guys are so far under the salary floor that the league literally has to GIVE them money to meet the minimum. This is the squad that travels by Greyhound bus and washes their own jerseys. No stars, just hungry rookies on two-way deals and bitter vets signed for the minimum. It's the perfect setup for tanking your way to a top Draft pick, but for the fans, it's a damn desert crossing.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
81-126 (L)
Jesus Christ starts in the center! Playing the center way a messiah plays with their bare hands!
Jesus Christ misfires from downtown! Their bare hands calibration needed!
Dolly Parton coughs it up! A philanthropist's grip doesn't work on the pill!
This well-respected player Lauren Daigle fouls reaching in! Occasional mental lapses on defense!
Chris Pratt shoots and kicks the stanchion! This first-ballot legend losing composure!
Finally a breather. Jesus Christ has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. They say Jesus Christ eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Chris Pratt bricks another one! Building something awful with the script binder tonight!
Aragorn is out on their feet! Running on fumes and pure king stubbornness!
Aragorn tries to be too fancy and loses the ball! Tendency to rush in the decision-making!
Chris Pratt walks away muttering! Muttering about the film character under their breath!
Chris Pratt absorbs the defeat! Taking it on the chin, a movie actor knows tough days!
Jesus Christ lets out a big exhale walking through the door. Aragorn holds his in. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
115-93 (W)
Aragorn gets the crowd going early! Setting the tone like a king on day one!
This up-and-coming baller Lauren Daigle converts from way beyond the arc! A reverse layup right on cue!
Dolly Parton with a left-handed block! The reflexes of a philanthropist catching the game!
Jesus Christ finds the open teammate! Vision of a messiah spotting the game!
Aragorn changes the defensive scheme! Strategic mind of a king!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Chris Pratt walks head down toward the tunnel. Bus driver's confession: Chris Pratt raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
Aragorn pulls up with the precision of a king at work. And it's an alley-oop!
Dolly Parton signs a kid's the game! The philanthropist meets the next generation!
Dolly Parton runs the play to perfection! Perfection of competing the game!
The emotion is real as Dolly Parton the philanthropist delivers their best with their bare hands!
Dolly Parton, this living legend, points to the crowd! A fist pump toward the bench! This was for the fans!
Jesus Christ and Dolly Parton run circles around Chris Pratt who doesn't move. Zen. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
94-108 (L)
Lauren Daigle lands the first alley-oop! First blood! The recording artist strikes first!
Jesus Christ with the contested off-balance shot from way beyond the arc! No good! Bad selection!
Dolly Parton loses the Wilson! A philanthropist would never be this careless!
Jesus Christ gets crossed over! This all-time great left frozen from way beyond the arc!
Aragorn spins the pill with insane court vision. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
Halftime! Aragorn checks his stats on the board and winces. Small detail: Aragorn wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Chris Pratt drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a movie actor's spirit has limits!
This household name Chris Pratt rattles it out! So close yet so far from the right corner!
Jesus Christ exploits the mismatch! Finding weakness with their bare hands acumen!
Aragorn looks to the bench for relief! Relief like a king relieved of the royal scepter!
Lauren Daigle sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a recording artist after their bare hands broke!
Lauren Daigle replays the score in her head on a loop. Dolly Parton tries to think about something else. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
110-90 (W)
This franchise cornerstone Dolly Parton in the starting lineup! Let's see what this franchise cornerstone brings!
Dolly Parton buries an alley-oop from mid-range! This certified GOAT candidate is on fire tonight!
Lauren Daigle makes the stop! Stopping power of a recording artist in full force!
This basketball god Aragorn with the behind-the-back dish! Highlight-reel pass!
Dolly Parton uses a dominant inside game brilliantly! Strategy from competing the game!
Break. Chris Pratt collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Fun fact: Chris Pratt was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Aragorn pulls up and drills a thunderous slam! Can't teach that!
The press box buzzes about Chris Pratt! A movie actor with the script binder making headlines!
Dolly Parton communicates on the switch! Clear as a philanthropist's directions!
Dolly Parton plays like they have something to prove to every philanthropist watching!
Jesus Christ walks off the hardwood victorious! This hall-of-fame lock owns this moment!
Jesus Christ grabs the arena mic and screams. Just a scream. Chris Pratt applauds. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
110-95 (W)
Jesus Christ sets the tone early! The messiah came to play tonight!
Chris Pratt fades away the orange with purpose! A reverse layup! This once-in-a-lifetime player means business!
Chris Pratt jumps into the passing lane! A commanding rebound! Huge play!
Dolly Parton with the no-look pass! This franchise cornerstone has eyes in the back of the head!
Aragorn with the perfect cut! Precision of a king with the royal scepter!
Halftime! Aragorn checks his stats on the board and winces. Rumor has it Aragorn has been wearing the same lucky underwear for three seasons. The medical staff is concerned. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
Dolly Parton, this absolute legend, exploits the mismatch for a double-clutch layup! Too easy!
Post-game fireworks for Aragorn! Brighter than the royal scepter on a perfect day!
Lauren Daigle motivates from the floor! Motivation of a recording artist who refuses to lose!
Aragorn channels their inner king,decreing the realm's fate made these hands!
Dolly Parton punches the air at game's end! Victory! The philanthropist did it!
Jesus Christ and Chris Pratt fake a wrestling match. Aragorn plays the referee and calls a timeout. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
122-100 (W)
Chris Pratt, this all-around player, takes the court! The boiling cauldron is electric!
Lauren Daigle steps back the ball with flair and hits a devastating dunk! Sensational!
Chris Pratt with a brilliant anticipation to save the possession! The script binder to the rescue!
This basketball god Chris Pratt orchestrates the offense in the paint! Maestro!
Chris Pratt identifies the soft spot in the zone! This global icon surgical precision!
Rest time. Lauren Daigle isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Anecdote: Lauren Daigle threw up before her first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
What a play by Jesus Christ! A fadeaway jumper off the pick and roll! This potential GOAT is cooking!
Social media explodes with Aragorn's the royal scepter highlights! Viral king content!
Aragorn boxes out for the teammate! Making room like a king with the realm's fate!
Chris Pratt becomes the symbol of this long-awaited duel, a movie actor defying all the odds!
This all-time great Jesus Christ led from start to finish! Comprehensive win!
Jesus Christ gives his headband to a kid in the crowd. Chris Pratt gives his shoes. Aragorn gives his water bottle. The kid is overwhelmed. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
112-94 (W)
Aragorn wins the opening tip! Tipping off with king energy!
A devastating dunk by Dolly Parton! The crowd erupts! Silky smooth technique personified!
Aragorn denies the entry pass! No the realm's fate gets past this king!
Chris Pratt with the behind-the-back pass! Flashier than the script binder at work!
This household name Chris Pratt runs the pick-and-pop to perfection! Tactical mastery!
Intermission. Dolly Parton dumps an entire water bottle over her head. Exclusive: Dolly Parton was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Lauren Daigle, this legit talent, knifes through for a two-handed slam along the baseline! Wow!
Deafening noise! Aragorn steps back and the building shakes!
Aragorn holds the huddle together! That king leadership on full display!
They said a king couldn't play at this level. Aragorn and the royal scepter disagree!
It's over! Chris Pratt delivers the goods! This global icon walks off a winner!
Jesus Christ and Lauren Daigle freestyle a victory rap. Chris Pratt does the beatbox. It's terrible but magnificent. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
100-120 (L)
This household name Chris Pratt comes out aggressive! Opens with a free throw from the left corner!
A deep three attempt by Chris Pratt falls short! Occasional mental lapses in the legs!
Jesus Christ turns it over in the dying seconds! A messiah dropping their bare hands at the worst time!
Dolly Parton left in the dust! Even a philanthropist moves faster than that!
Dolly Parton scores off the inbound! That's the preparation of a philanthropist right there!
End of the first act. Lauren Daigle is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Word is Lauren Daigle sleeps with her basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
Jesus Christ buries their face! Hidden from view, the messiah can't watch!
Chris Pratt can't find the range! The script binder has better accuracy than that!
Lauren Daigle schemes with the coaching staff! Plotting the next move, true recording artist!
Lauren Daigle is running on fumes! The recording artist tank is completely empty!
Lauren Daigle, this smooth operator, hangs the head. Tough loss despite pure God-given talent effort.
Jesus Christ walks head down toward the tunnel. Chris Pratt drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. Behind the scenes, I learned Chris Pratt was also a messiah in a past life. You can feel it in the game. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
108-101 (W)
Lauren Daigle looks dialed in from the start! A gym-rat work ethic preparation showing!
A two-handed slam from Jesus Christ! This household name is putting on a show tonight!
This absolute legend Aragorn with the screen navigation! Gets through and contests!
Chris Pratt finds them in the left wing! Navigating the floor like a movie actor navigates rush hour!
Dolly Parton communicates the switch! Clear as a philanthropist's instructions!
End of the first act. Jesus Christ is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Little secret: Jesus Christ listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Lauren Daigle answers back with a scoop layup! An off-the-charts basketball IQ under pressure!
Chris Pratt, this global icon, feeds off every decibel! A standing ovation is fuel!
Chris Pratt, this solid build, sets the perfect screen! Night-in night-out consistency for the team!
The fans adopted Jesus Christ, the messiah who brings the game to life on the venue!
Chris Pratt, this swiss-army-knife type, celebrates the win! A hug with the coach! What a game!
Jesus Christ makes the phone sign toward the opposing bench. Chris Pratt makes the 'call us' gesture. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
88-109 (L)
Opening possession for Lauren Daigle! First touch, like first touch of their bare hands!
This dude putting the league on notice Lauren Daigle shanks a hook shot from mid-range! That's uncharacteristic!
Dolly Parton charges right into the defender! Turnover! Tendency to force bad shots when controlling pace!
Lauren Daigle gets posted up and scored on! This league veteran overpowered!
Jesus Christ handles the orange like their bare hands. An off-balance shot from the left corner! The precision of a messiah!
Rest time. Jesus Christ isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Did you know Jesus Christ entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. Tipoff! The ref blows the whistle, the ball is in the air.
Aragorn is visibly upset! Upset as a king when the realm's fate goes sideways!
Aragorn can't buy a bucket! Maybe the realm's fate would be easier to aim!
Jesus Christ calls the audible! Adapting on the fly, that's messiah mentality!
Lauren Daigle, this respected competitor, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!
Dolly Parton had the chances but couldn't convert. This basketball god left wanting.
Jesus Christ punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. Chris Pratt slides down the wall to the floor. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
87-121 (L)
Dolly Parton gets the starting nod! A philanthropist starting with their bare hands confidence!
Lauren Daigle, this hooper's hooper, with a contested two-handed slam that misses from the left corner!
Dolly Parton throws it away! Injury-prone body under pressure in transition!
Chris Pratt can't contain the drive! Portraying the film character is more containable!
Jesus Christ throws their hands up! Like a messiah when their bare hands breaks!
The players head in. Chris Pratt slips on the wet tunnel floor. Exclusive: Chris Pratt was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Jesus Christ shoots the ball into the front rim! That's frustrating for this first-ballot legend!
Lauren Daigle misses from fatigue! Tired arms from competing the game all week!
Aragorn throws it into traffic! Reckless pass, the king got too confident!
Jesus Christ dribbles the towel! This undisputed superstar showing sometimes predictable game!
This player making noise Lauren Daigle tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Dolly Parton's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Aragorn breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
85-111 (L)
Lauren Daigle steps onto the venue! From competing the game to this, game time!
Aragorn goes to work the orange into nothing! Limited stamina on full display tonight!
Dolly Parton, this versatile guy, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted at the top of the key!
Aragorn loses the screen battle! Lack of consistency around the picks!
Jesus Christ explodes to the rack for an off-balance shot! Can't contain this smooth operator!
Halftime. The doctor examines Jesus Christ's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Locker room anecdote: Jesus Christ talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. Break's over, the players take their positions.
Lauren Daigle storms to the bench! This name that's buzzing is visibly upset!
Jesus Christ shoots an air ball in an electric crowd! A messiah lost in the noise!
Aragorn, this once-in-a-lifetime player, orchestrates the delay game! Pure God-given talent in action!
Aragorn takes the rest play! Even a king needs a breather!
Lauren Daigle sits alone on the bench. This up-and-coming baller processing the defeat.
Dolly Parton sits on the floor in the hallway. Jesus Christ sits down next to her. Nobody speaks. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. We're out. Up next: 'Say Yes to the Dress: Budget Three Fifty, Theme: Elastic.' Good luck.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
108-98 (W)
Aragorn checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
This global icon Dolly Parton with a beautiful euro-step driving to the hoop! Poetry in motion!
Aragorn slides the feet perfectly and forces a miss! Insane court vision in every step!
Aragorn with the hockey assist! That extra pass, beautiful basketball!
Jesus Christ, this basketball god, manipulates the defense with the eyes! Insane court vision!
Break! Chris Pratt heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. The staff told me Chris Pratt sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. Back for the second half. The coach slammed his fist on the table.
Dolly Parton hooks it in! The arc of a philanthropist swinging their bare hands!
An electric crowd, all because of a philanthropist named Dolly Parton with the game!
Lauren Daigle makes the extra pass! Extra effort, the recording artist way!
Tonight, Aragorn isn't just a king, they're a phenomenon with the royal scepter!
Dolly Parton caps a perfect night! Clean as a philanthropist on their best day!
Lauren Daigle and Aragorn swing Dolly Parton around by her arms like a carousel. She looks sick. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
102-109 (L)
The game begins and Jesus Christ is ready! You can see night-in night-out consistency written all over his face!
Dolly Parton gets a clean look but lack of consistency costs the bucket!
Intercepted! Aragorn's pass snatched right out of the air! A king would never be that careless!
Chris Pratt gets back-doored! Didn't see it, like not seeing the film character behind the script binder!
Jesus Christ nails a two-handed slam from deep! Range like their bare hands reaching across the workshop!
Halftime. Lauren Daigle is holding her ribs walking toward the tunnel. Anecdote: Lauren Daigle lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Lauren Daigle gets a technical for complaining! Lack of consistency on full display!
Dolly Parton gets blocked! Rejected harder than a philanthropist's worst day on the job!
Aragorn manages the clock! Time management of a king who never misses a deadline!
Aragorn is clearly fatigued! The 4 periods of 12 minutes of this plus the 4 periods of 12 minutes of decreing the realm's fate!
Lauren Daigle, this do-it-all player, trudges off the gymnasium. Lessons to take from this one.
Jesus Christ and Aragorn share a single look. Just one. It contains all the disappointment in the world. Did you know that Aragorn practices messiah on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
90-131 (L)
Dolly Parton locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a philanthropist who means business!
Aragorn can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this hall-of-fame lock!
Aragorn dishes carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Dolly Parton gets burned on the drive! Heavy feet in lateral movement!
Lauren Daigle, this combo guard, pounds the scorer's table! Hot head on full display!
Halftime. Dolly Parton is holding her ribs walking toward the tunnel. Did you know Dolly Parton started basketball because she was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
Jesus Christ misses the layup! Even the game would have gone in easier!
Aragorn jogs instead of sprints! Conserving energy for decreing the realm's fate tomorrow!
Dolly Parton throws it away! A pass worse than a philanthropist tossing the game!
Jesus Christ mouths off on a clutch free throw! A messiah venting about the game!
Dolly Parton vows to come back stronger! Stronger than their bare hands reinforced with the game!
Aragorn turns back to look at the court one last time. Chris Pratt doesn't turn around. I learned tonight that Aragorn used to be a messiah. That explains the unique running style. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
moms team ends the season #9 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: Jesus Christ.
Season Journal
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. Ladies and gentlemen... Moms team!
Okay, we need to talk about the monster. Because there are players, and then there's Jesus Christ. It's not the same category, it's not even the same damn sport. The man is massive, with footwork like a ballet dancer and a jumper purer than spring water. The kind of guy who drops 35 in three quarters, sits down on the bench in the fourth because he's bored, and pulls out his phone to check his stats on the Jumbotron. He's not a player, he's a statistical anomaly.
And the most terrifying thing about him? It's not the stats, it's not the size, it's the calm. You know that moment where the arena is on its feet, the clock is ticking down the final seconds, sweat is pouring... And he's just chewing his gum like he's waiting for the bus? Then he loads up. And drains it. Stone cold. In front of 20,000 people on the verge of cardiac arrest. That's what a franchise player is: the guy who carries everyone on his shoulders and still makes it look easy.
The chef's surprise of the evening is Aragorn. A king by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle realm's fate with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him.
Let's talk budget, and by "budget" I mean the spare change you find between the couch cushions. These guys are so far under the salary floor that the league literally has to GIVE them money to meet the minimum. This is the squad that travels by Greyhound bus and washes their own jerseys. No stars, just hungry rookies on two-way deals and bitter vets signed for the minimum. It's the perfect setup for tanking your way to a top Draft pick, but for the fans, it's a damn desert crossing.
moms team ends the season #9 with a 7W-8L record. Season MVP: Jesus Christ.
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