My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 5 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | My Team | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Miami Heart-Attack | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 15 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Larry Bird on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 206 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. And now, the moment nobody was waiting for but everybody is going to love: the coach signed Stephen Hawking. The man is a university professor. A freaking university professor. In a league where everybody is 6'8" and runs a 4.4 forty, he rolls up with their lecture notes and a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. His first instinct walking into the locker room? Ask where the coffee machine was. His second instinct? Try to dribble and bounce the ball straight into his own face. The teammates lost it. The coach just said "that's the kind of grit I was looking for." We still don't know if he was serious or completely hammered. Let's address the elephant in the room: the budget is OBSCENE. We're so deep into the luxury tax that the team accountant quit, got replaced, and the replacement quit too. The owner doesn't give a damn, he wants the ring and he's willing to burn every last dollar to get it. The result? An absolute dream roster. Every name on this lineup card sends shivers down opponents' spines. It's like playing NBA 2K with the sliders maxed out. It's almost unfair. And tonight, it probably will be.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
111-113 (L)
Donald Trump locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of an investor who means business!
Larry Bird, this bonafide star, drops a euro-step off the pick and roll! Pure artistry!
Ja Morant, this tweener, can't keep up with the speed! Ego the size of Texas exposed!
Ja Morant steps back and fires but misses everything! Limited stamina tonight!
Donald Trump cuts the deficit! Cutting through with their portfolio ledger sharpness!
End of the first act. Larry Bird is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Anecdote: Larry Bird once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Anthony Edwards, this beanpole, rattles out the free throw! Injury-prone body getting the best of this legit talent!
Larry Bird storms to the bench! This reliable star is visibly upset!
Ja Morant, this swiss-army-knife type, is on a mission! Nothing can stop this solid pro right now!
Donald Trump turns it over in after a timeout! This global icon crumbles under pressure!
Stephen Hawking walks off in defeat! Even a university professor's skills couldn't save tonight!
Donald Trump unclasps his chain and squeezes it in his fist. Stephen Hawking runs a hand down his face. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
104-107 (L)
This solid pro Anthony Edwards in the starting lineup! Let's see what this solid pro brings!
Anthony Edwards dunks past the defense for a reverse layup! Size advantage from this this oversized freak!
This solid pro Anthony Edwards caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Donald Trump fires and misses from the right corner. Should have stuck with the next venture!
Stephen Hawking rallies the troops! Rally cry of a university professor rallying the young scholars!
Halftime whistle! Donald Trump slides down against the hallway wall. They say Donald Trump eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Larry Bird dunks into a dead end! Hot head in late-game situations!
Stephen Hawking gets a technical for complaining! Tendency to force bad shots on full display!
Remember this moment! Donald Trump is making history with a catch-and-shoot triple!
Donald Trump gets blocked at the jump ball! Rejected harder than the next venture proposals!
Anthony Edwards, this titan, trudges off the hardwood. Lessons to take from this one.
Stephen Hawking isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Anthony Edwards tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
125-91 (W)
This dude putting the league on notice Anthony Edwards opens the scoring! A pull-up jumper! Early advantage!
This player on the come-up Anthony Edwards erupts for an off-balance shot! The floodgates are open!
Anthony Edwards crosses over the Spalding through traffic! What a pass by this respected competitor!
This solid pro Ja Morant with a picture-perfect bank shot! The crowd goes wild!
Ja Morant plays the passing angle perfectly! Deflection by this guy with a proven track record!
Both teams head in. Ja Morant has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Intel: Ja Morant once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Ja Morant, this smooth operator, muscles in for a bank shot! Pure power!
Larry Bird, this established star, waves to the crowd early! The outcome settled!
Larry Bird celebrates with the wrong bench! This All-Star caliber talent red-faced!
Donald Trump shimmies after an off-balance shot! Shaking it off, the investor is feeling it!
Donald Trump is named player of the game! The investor is also the star!
Stephen Hawking takes a bow for the crowd. Anthony Edwards bows to Stephen Hawking. The nobility of basketball. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
119-103 (W)
Donald Trump steps onto the hardwood! From bankrolling the next venture to this, game time!
Ja Morant attacks at half court and finishes with a reverse layup! Too good!
This solid pro Ja Morant with a double team from way beyond the arc! Intimidating!
Donald Trump lobs it perfectly! Arcing it with precision worthy of their portfolio ledger!
Larry Bird, this long boy, uses the jab step to freeze the defender! Crafty!
Break time. Ja Morant bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Did you know Ja Morant entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
A pull-up jumper by Ja Morant! The crowd erupts! Unreal swagger personified!
This established player Ja Morant turns the hostile crowd into stunned silence!
Ja Morant puts ego aside! The team comes first for this dude putting the league on notice!
This league veteran Ja Morant digs deep! Finding reserves nobody knew existed!
Anthony Edwards, this long boy, celebrates the win! A chest bump! What a game!
Ja Morant slides across the court in his socks while Anthony Edwards splashes water on everyone. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
98-97 (W)
Anthony Edwards takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
This generational talent Donald Trump with the volleyball spike a surgical steal! Emphatic!
This well-respected player Anthony Edwards misses the mark! A hook shot goes begging from the left corner!
Donald Trump powers through for a reverse layup! The brute force of bankrolling the next venture!
Larry Bird reads the defense perfectly! Iron discipline and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Halftime. Anthony Edwards glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Anecdote: Anthony Edwards once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Here we go. Tactical adjustments have been made.
Larry Bird, this tower, with the clutch catch-and-shoot triple! The building erupts!
Ja Morant, this do-it-all player, contests everything from downtown! Iron discipline on full display!
Anthony Edwards, this towering presence, gets the standing ovation! An incredible energy!
Larry Bird with the late steal and score! This world-class player taking matters into own hands!
Donald Trump finishes with a monster stat line! Numbers an investor would be proud of!
Stephen Hawking and Donald Trump form a tunnel for Ja Morant to crawl through. Too tall. Gets stuck. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
127-96 (W)
This respected competitor Anthony Edwards gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Anthony Edwards, this legit talent, absolutely nails a free throw along the baseline! Take a bow!
Donald Trump denies the pass! Their portfolio ledger interception skills on full display!
Donald Trump with the hockey assist! That extra pass, beautiful basketball!
Stephen Hawking spaces the floor! Making room out there like a university professor clears the workspace!
Both teams head to the locker room. Anthony Edwards wipes his forehead with his jersey. Confession: Anthony Edwards tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. The players are back on the court. Here we go again!
This well-respected player Anthony Edwards goes to work at the top of the key! A half-court heave drops beautifully!
The road crowd tries to rally but Anthony Edwards silences them! An electric crowd!
Donald Trump sets the perfect screen! Built like an investor who doesn't skip leg day!
Ja Morant is writing the story tonight! This dude putting the league on notice with a step-back three in transition!
Stephen Hawking explodes into the tunnel with the W! This household name all smiles!
Ja Morant does a belly slide on the court. Anthony Edwards does a back slide. The hardwood is ruined. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Ja Morant's name. Forgive me. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
95-101 (L)
Larry Bird, this reliable star, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Anthony Edwards takes off but the shot rims out! Hot head rears its ugly head!
Donald Trump trips up in the baseline! An investor never trips at work... Right?
Larry Bird gambles for the steal and pays the price! Hot head!
Ja Morant buries a bank shot driving to the hoop! This guy with a proven track record is on fire tonight!
The locker room. Ja Morant sprawls out full-length on the bench. Fun fact: Ja Morant is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Anthony Edwards mutters to himself walking back! This up-and-coming baller fighting inner demons!
A layup from Ja Morant hits the iron! Ego the size of Texas under the spotlight!
This player on the come-up Anthony Edwards uses the floater over this colossus coverage! Smart!
This franchise guy Larry Bird calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Lack of consistency taking its toll!
Ja Morant reflects on what could have been. Shaky emotions under pressure the difference tonight.
Larry Bird walks head down toward the tunnel. Ja Morant drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
113-95 (W)
Stephen Hawking wins the opening tip! Tipping off with university professor energy!
A deep three by Ja Morant from mid-range! Freakish explosiveness in every fiber!
Ja Morant, this smooth operator, smothers the ball-handler! No options!
Donald Trump picks apart the defense! Dissecting every move with investor precision!
This top-tier talent Larry Bird recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
Halftime! Anthony Edwards looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Little secret: Anthony Edwards has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
Anthony Edwards, this tower, showcases eyes in the back of the head with a gorgeous off-balance shot!
The fans sense it coming! The energy is building as Stephen Hawking gets hot!
Anthony Edwards finds the open teammate! This player making noise making everyone better!
This big-name player Larry Bird refuses to lose! The will of a champion!
Stephen Hawking tips their hat! The university professor salute! Pure class!
Larry Bird and Anthony Edwards run circles around Stephen Hawking who doesn't move. Zen. Did you know that Anthony Edwards practices university professor on Tuesdays? Builds character, that does. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
94-98 (L)
And we're underway! Stephen Hawking touches the ball first! This basketball god looks eager!
A devastating dunk from Stephen Hawking! That's ridiculous creativity at the highest level!
Anthony Edwards overcommits and gets beat! Shaky emotions under pressure when reading the play!
A half-court heave from Anthony Edwards sails wide! This up-and-coming baller needs to regroup!
Stephen Hawking, this household name, wills the team back! Ridiculous creativity driving the comeback!
Halftime! Ja Morant has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Juicy anecdote: Ja Morant was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Anthony Edwards misses in the clutch! A free throw off the mark in the third quarter!
Donald Trump glares at the scoreboard! This franchise cornerstone not happy with the situation!
Ja Morant, this smooth operator, carries the weight of the team on those shoulders!
Ja Morant with the ill-advised pass in the final quarter! Intercepted!
Larry Bird steps back past the media. This certified bucket not in the mood to talk.
Anthony Edwards takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Stephen Hawking doesn't drink. Throat too tight. I learned tonight that Anthony Edwards used to be a university professor. That explains the unique running style. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
103-92 (W)
Ja Morant, this versatile guy, takes the court! The wild stands is electric!
Stephen Hawking drives the orange into a thunderous slam! Silky smooth technique shining through!
Anthony Edwards, this tree of a man, with the clutch charge taken! The crowd is on its feet!
Anthony Edwards, this guy with a proven track record, sets the table in transition! Assist master!
Stephen Hawking iso at the top! Isolating the matchup with university professor focus!
Halftime. Donald Trump is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Confession: Donald Trump calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Ja Morant strings together a tear drop driving to the hoop. A gym-rat work ethic on full display!
The crowd waves their portfolio ledger replicas! Donald Trump has started a movement!
Anthony Edwards, this giant, repositions on defense! Unreal swagger collective effort!
This certified bucket Larry Bird silences the noise! Insane court vision locked in! Nothing else matters!
Donald Trump wraps up an incredible performance! Wrapped up tight, the investor delivered!
Stephen Hawking does a handstand. Donald Trump holds him by the feet. The crowd holds its breath. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. Thanks! And now, 'Neighbors from Hell: The Community Compost Bin Saga.' Episode 1 of 74.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
95-108 (L)
Larry Bird, this jersey-selling name, embraces the Playoff atmosphere! Game on!
Ja Morant blows past but overcooks it! Injury-prone body showing up again!
Stephen Hawking forces the pass! Forcing their lecture notes where it doesn't fit!
Anthony Edwards gets screened out of the play! This respected competitor lost in traffic!
Anthony Edwards shoots through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
Intermission. Ja Morant dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Confession: Ja Morant tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
Ja Morant, this do-it-all player, shows negative body language! Limited stamina creeping in!
This living legend Stephen Hawking whiffs on an alley-oop! The crowd groans!
Stephen Hawking pushes the pace in transition! A killer instinct showing in every play!
Stephen Hawking asks for ice! Cooling down, even a university professor's engine needs a rest!
Stephen Hawking consoles teammates! The heart of a university professor in that moment!
Larry Bird and Stephen Hawking share a single look. Just one. It contains all the disappointment in the world. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
95-112 (L)
Larry Bird, this elite player, draws first blood! A finger roll to start!
Larry Bird, this jersey-selling name, can't convert the fast break! Wasted opportunity!
Larry Bird coughs up the pill! Tendency to force bad shots strikes again at half court!
Stephen Hawking caught flat-footed! Standing still, the university professor reflexes took a nap!
Anthony Edwards answers back with a buzzer-beater! Next-level basketball IQ under pressure!
Into the tunnel. Stephen Hawking grabs a banana on the way and devours it. They say Stephen Hawking has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
Ja Morant can't mask the disappointment! This player on the come-up wearing it on the sleeve!
Ja Morant fires a half-court heave on the low block but can't connect! Tendency to rush showing!
Ja Morant, this swiss-army-knife type, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! Pure God-given talent!
Donald Trump steps back but the legs won't cooperate! Hot head catching up!
Anthony Edwards had the chances but couldn't convert. This well-respected player left wanting.
Ja Morant bites his lip, fists clenched. Anthony Edwards shakes his head slowly, in disbelief. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
94-110 (L)
Tip-off! Ja Morant gets us started! Let's go!
Stephen Hawking misfires from under the basket! Their lecture notes calibration needed!
Larry Bird, this titan, commits the travel! Ego the size of Texas in the footwork!
Anthony Edwards gets crossed over! This guy with a proven track record left frozen off the pick and roll!
Stephen Hawking finishes with style! Years of challenging the young scholars built those hands!
Halftime whistle! Larry Bird slides down against the hallway wall. Anecdote: Larry Bird threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
Ja Morant, this dude putting the league on notice, with the frustrated foul! Defense that's basically a suggestion in tough moments!
Donald Trump can't buy a bucket! Another miss along the baseline! Frustrating!
Donald Trump makes the hockey pass! A killer instinct finding the extra pass!
This certified bucket Larry Bird can't close out! The legs are shot back to the basket!
Stephen Hawking leaves the court with dignity! The dignity of a university professor with their lecture notes!
Donald Trump hurls his mouthguard into the trash. Ja Morant keeps his in, chewing on the frustration. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. We're done here. Up next: 'Top Chef: Microwave Edition.' Bon appetit.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
98-104 (L)
Stephen Hawking comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the university professor means business!
Donald Trump clanks it off the rim! That sounded like their portfolio ledger hitting the next venture!
Ja Morant throws it into the stands! What was that from this name that's buzzing!
Stephen Hawking left in the dust! Even a university professor moves faster than that!
Stephen Hawking attacks and scores! Those university professor hands work wonders with the Wilson!
Halftime whistle. Stephen Hawking has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Did you know Stephen Hawking started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
This absolute legend Donald Trump fouls hard out of frustration! Heavy feet showing!
This respected competitor Anthony Edwards shanks a bucket on the low block! That's uncharacteristic!
Anthony Edwards slows the pace when the team needs it! This next-level player tempo control!
Larry Bird is running on pure willpower! This max-contract guy refusing to quit!
Ja Morant sits alone on the bench. This hooper's hooper processing the defeat.
Ja Morant walks like someone carrying the weight of the world. Anthony Edwards drags one foot after the other. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
86-114 (L)
The game begins and Anthony Edwards is ready! You can see eyes in the back of the head written all over his face!
Larry Bird posts up the Wilson right into the defender's hands! Tendency to force bad shots!
Anthony Edwards goes to work the orange right to the defense! Costly mistake by this league veteran!
This up-and-coming baller Ja Morant fouls reaching in! Tendency to rush on defense!
Stephen Hawking applies the same technique to the pill as to the young scholars. A buzzer-beater from mid-range!
Into the tunnel. Anthony Edwards grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Small detail: Anthony Edwards whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Donald Trump tugs at their jersey! Frustrated, but the investor will bounce back!
Larry Bird, this tower, gets the separation but can't finish! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Anthony Edwards, this absolute unit, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
Larry Bird is cramping up! This jersey-selling name trying to shake it off! Injury-prone body!
Anthony Edwards walks off in silence. This player making noise gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Ja Morant has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. Anthony Edwards has aged ten years in forty minutes. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
My Team ends the season #9 with a 6W-9L record. Season MVP: Larry Bird.
Season Journal
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby!
Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Larry Bird on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 206 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them.
But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it.
And now, the moment nobody was waiting for but everybody is going to love: the coach signed Stephen Hawking. The man is a university professor. A freaking university professor. In a league where everybody is 6'8" and runs a 4.4 forty, he rolls up with their lecture notes and a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. His first instinct walking into the locker room? Ask where the coffee machine was. His second instinct? Try to dribble and bounce the ball straight into his own face. The teammates lost it. The coach just said "that's the kind of grit I was looking for." We still don't know if he was serious or completely hammered.
Let's address the elephant in the room: the budget is OBSCENE. We're so deep into the luxury tax that the team accountant quit, got replaced, and the replacement quit too. The owner doesn't give a damn, he wants the ring and he's willing to burn every last dollar to get it. The result? An absolute dream roster. Every name on this lineup card sends shivers down opponents' spines. It's like playing NBA 2K with the sliders maxed out. It's almost unfair. And tonight, it probably will be.
My Team ends the season #9 with a 6W-9L record. Season MVP: Larry Bird.
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