My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇸🇬
3 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 6 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Houston Blast-Off | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | My Team | 0 | 15 | 0 |
Pre-season
Alright, sit your ass down for two minutes because tonight we're not messing around, we're diving headfirst into a sold-out arena that smells like rubber and sweat, with 20,000 fans ready to lose their damn voices. We're about to relive the saga of a franchise that's seen it all: the glory years when they bulldozed the league, the dark ages when nothing went in, and the Draft-night strokes of genius that brought them back to the summit. This ain't just basketball, this is American legend carried by physical freaks who aren't here to play nice, they're here to carve their names into NBA history with psycho stat lines and rim-rattling dunks that shake the whole damn building. The team with no name, baby! Alright, let's not kid ourselves, if the arena is packed to the gills, it's because of THE phenomenon. This girl isn't just a basketball player, she's a walking cheat code on the hardwood: give it up for Jyoti Amge! Picture this: standing at 63 cm, but she handles the rock with the agility of a 5'10" point guard and launches missiles from 30 feet like she's at shootaround. When she attacks the paint, it's simple, she's a freight train: either you get out of the way, or you end up on her poster doing the rounds on social media for a week straight. The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more she rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And she just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over her like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around her. And tonight, that era begins. The chef's surprise of the evening is Jyoti Amge. A movie actor by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when she saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this girl can handle film character with surgical precision, imagine what she can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The woman spent her first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But she's got a heart size of a watermelon, she runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves her. The budget? Look, I've seen GoFundMe campaigns with more money. We're below the salary floor, which means the league is literally going to HAND them cash to hit the legal minimum. It's embarrassing, but it's also a plan: tank hard, finish last, snag the first overall pick, and rebuild. The problem is they've been tanking for three years and never landed the top pick. Bad luck has a name, and it's this damn franchise.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
81-125 (L)
Donald Trump sets the tone early! The investor came to play tonight!
This multi-time All-Star Robert Wadlow muscles up an alley-oop but can't get it to fall!
Donald Trump coughs up the ball! Shaky emotions under pressure strikes again from the right corner!
Donald Trump, this swiss-army-knife type, lets the shooter get free from way beyond the arc! Costly lapse!
Robert Wadlow throws their hands up! Like a circus performer when their bare hands breaks!
Halftime whistle. Jyoti Amge flops into the first available chair. Little scoop: Jyoti Amge collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than her first contract. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.
Jyoti Amge can't score in the second quarter! This movie actor is way off tonight!
Jyoti Amge mops their face! Sweating more than when portraying the film character!
Jyoti Amge loses the ball! A movie actor would never be this careless!
Jyoti Amge storms to the bench! This guy with a proven track record is visibly upset!
Robert Wadlow leaves the gym quietly! Quiet as a circus performer after the game setback!
Donald Trump leaves the court at a jog. Jyoti Amge stays there, planted at center court, motionless. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
83-127 (L)
Donald Trump drives into position! This potential GOAT not wasting any time!
Jyoti Amge fires a brick driving to the hoop! Way off, even for a movie actor!
Stolen from Donald Trump! An investor who let it slip through their fingers!
Donald Trump watches them score! Just watching, like watching their portfolio ledger gather dust!
This multi-time All-Star Robert Wadlow stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Halftime! Donald Trump is limping slightly heading off the court. They say Donald Trump has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
Robert Wadlow gets the friendly rim but no luck! Even the circus performer touch can't save that one!
Donald Trump, this combo guard, looks exhausted off the pick and roll! The legs are gone!
Jyoti Amge tries to be too fancy and loses the rock! Defense that's basically a suggestion in the decision-making!
Robert Wadlow mouths off and picks up a T! Hot head taking over!
This elite player Robert Wadlow tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Jyoti Amge's eyes are red, jaw tight. Donald Trump apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
77-122 (L)
Donald Trump, this certified GOAT candidate, draws first blood! A hook shot to start!
Donald Trump, this household name, pulls the trigger in transition but no luck!
Jyoti Amge dispossessed! Couldn't hold on, not the movie actor's finest moment!
Donald Trump, this combo guard, gets exploited in the switch! Occasional mental lapses exposed in the mismatch!
Donald Trump looks to the heavens! An investor praying for their portfolio ledger to work!
Back to the locker room. Robert Wadlow punches his locker. Confession: Robert Wadlow believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Donald Trump shoots an air ball in an electric crowd! An investor lost in the noise!
Robert Wadlow posts up but the legs won't cooperate! Defense that's basically a suggestion catching up!
This global icon Donald Trump forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!
This player making noise Jyoti Amge shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Jyoti Amge dunks to the tunnel in disappointment. This solid pro will learn from this.
Donald Trump mutters 'damn' under his breath. Jyoti Amge says 'yeah' in the same tone. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
85-130 (L)
This reliable star Robert Wadlow means business! Fast start from downtown!
Jyoti Amge with a wild attempt! This legit talent not finding the range tonight!
This living legend Donald Trump dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Donald Trump bites on the fake! Beaten at the top of the key!
Robert Wadlow gets a technical for complaining! Sometimes predictable game on full display!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Jyoti Amge to massage her thighs. Anecdote: Jyoti Amge fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Donald Trump forces a bad free throw! This guy with rings on every finger needs to trust teammates!
Donald Trump misses from fatigue! This hall-of-fame lock can't get the elevation facing the rim!
Turnover by Donald Trump! Bankrolling the next venture requires less coordination, clearly!
Robert Wadlow goes to work away from the huddle! This headliner in a dark place mentally!
Donald Trump sits alone on the bench. This certified GOAT candidate processing the defeat.
Donald Trump bites the inside of his cheek. Jyoti Amge pinches the bridge of her nose. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
82-126 (L)
Robert Wadlow locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a circus performer who means business!
Donald Trump rushes a half-court heave back to the basket! Injury-prone body creeping in!
Jyoti Amge, this pocket rocket, steps out of bounds with the rock! Mental lapse!
Jyoti Amge gets crossed over! This league veteran left frozen from mid-range!
Jyoti Amge pounds the scorer's table! Frustrated! The movie actor in them is showing!
Off to the locker room. Robert Wadlow has already drained two water bottles. Small detail: Robert Wadlow whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
Robert Wadlow can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this reliable star!
Jyoti Amge tanks the play from tiredness! Tanked like a movie actor's energy for the film character!
Donald Trump throws it into the stands! What was that from this once-in-a-lifetime player!
Donald Trump, this guy with rings on every finger, yells at the coaching staff! Limited stamina causing friction!
Jyoti Amge tips the cap to the winners! The movie actor's grace with the film character!
Robert Wadlow chews his nails on the bench. Jyoti Amge stares at her shoes like they're the source of the problem. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. That's all for today. Up next: 'Dateline: The True Cost of a Cup of Yogurt.' Deep investigation.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
84-128 (L)
This generational talent Donald Trump opens the scoring! A euro-step! Early advantage!
Robert Wadlow whiffs on the jumper! A circus performer off their game with their bare hands!
This max-contract guy Robert Wadlow commits the 5-second violation! Clock management defense that's basically a suggestion!
Jyoti Amge, this small but mighty player, fouls unnecessarily from the right corner! Lack of consistency!
Jyoti Amge stares in disbelief! The look of a movie actor who just lost everything!
The locker room. Robert Wadlow sprawls out full-length on the bench. True story: Robert Wadlow had his parking spot stolen by Los Angeles Nursing-Home's mascot. Still talks about it. We're back! The players look fired up.
Jyoti Amge just barely misses! Close as a movie actor getting the film character almost right!
Robert Wadlow can't get lift! Legs heavy as their bare hands after this ball game!
Robert Wadlow shoots carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Robert Wadlow picks up the second technical! This jersey-selling name ejected! Shaky emotions under pressure!
Donald Trump walks off in defeat! Even an investor's skills couldn't save tonight!
Jyoti Amge shakes Robert Wadlow's hand in silence. Not a word. Just a look that says it all. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
82-126 (L)
Robert Wadlow huddles with the team! Huddling up, the circus performer strategizes!
This all-time great Donald Trump short-arms a euro-step from way beyond the arc! Not enough lift!
Robert Wadlow botches the handoff! Even their bare hands exchanges go smoother!
This well-respected player Jyoti Amge gives up the offensive rebound! Tendency to rush when boxing out!
Robert Wadlow explodes the towel! This reliable star showing injury-prone body!
Halftime. The doctor examines Donald Trump's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Confession: Donald Trump tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
Jyoti Amge air-mails an off-balance shot in transition! Way off for this dude putting the league on notice!
Donald Trump is gassed! This guy with rings on every finger bent over at half court! Limited stamina catching up!
Robert Wadlow loses the Wilson in traffic! This big-name player can't afford that!
Jyoti Amge glares at the scoreboard! This established player not happy with the situation!
Jyoti Amge vows to come back stronger! Stronger than the script binder reinforced with the film character!
Jyoti Amge refuses the coach's embrace. Donald Trump accepts it but his body is stiff. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
79-123 (L)
The gymnasium welcomes Robert Wadlow! The circus performer with the game has arrived!
Donald Trump, this do-it-all player, wastes a golden chance with a wild tear drop!
Donald Trump goes to work into a dead end at the top of the key! Turnover! Sometimes predictable game!
Donald Trump gets caught flat-footed! This generational talent beaten to the spot!
Jyoti Amge penetrates angrily after the turnover! This player on the come-up spiraling!
Halftime. Robert Wadlow is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. I've been told Robert Wadlow always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
Donald Trump misses! Even an investor can't fix that shot!
Jyoti Amge is huffing and puffing! Winded, even a movie actor would call it quits!
Robert Wadlow, this absolute unit, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted from the left corner!
Robert Wadlow vents at their teammates! The circus performer who vents about the game!
Donald Trump sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like an investor after their portfolio ledger broke!
Donald Trump presses his forehead against the tunnel glass. Jyoti Amge walks right past without noticing. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
79-123 (L)
The game begins and Donald Trump is ready! You can see pure God-given talent written all over his face!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Donald Trump throws up a prayer facing the rim! Not answered!
Robert Wadlow with the backcourt violation! A circus performer going backwards with the game!
Donald Trump scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Sometimes predictable game!
Donald Trump slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than an investor hits the workbench!
Halftime. Jyoti Amge glances at her phone for two seconds and puts it back. Rumor has it Jyoti Amge does 100 push-ups before every game. Or 10. Depends who you ask. Resumption imminent. The players wrap up their express warm-up.
The rim rejects Donald Trump! The rim says no! Even an investor gets rejected sometimes!
Jyoti Amge, this small but mighty player, is drenched in sweat! Emptying the tank!
Donald Trump, this do-it-all player, commits the travel! Occasional mental lapses in the footwork!
Robert Wadlow walks away muttering! Muttering about the game under their breath!
Jyoti Amge walks the tunnel in silence! Done for the night, back to movie actor life tomorrow!
Robert Wadlow's eyes are red, jaw tight. Jyoti Amge apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. I learned backstage that Jyoti Amge also does circus performer on weekends. That explains those reflexes. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
81-126 (L)
Jyoti Amge checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
A euro-step from Jyoti Amge hits the iron! Tendency to force bad shots under the spotlight!
Jyoti Amge throws it away! A pass worse than a movie actor tossing the film character!
Donald Trump bites on the fake! Fooled like an investor by counterfeit the next venture!
Donald Trump, this undisputed superstar, with the frustrated foul! Tendency to force bad shots in tough moments!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Donald Trump to massage his thighs. Anecdote: Donald Trump threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
Jyoti Amge with a rough buzzer beater along the baseline! Shaky emotions under pressure at the worst time!
Donald Trump gulps water! As thirsty as an investor reaching for the next venture!
Robert Wadlow, this towering presence, fumbles the entry pass from the right corner!
Robert Wadlow, this oversized freak, shows negative body language! Injury-prone body creeping in!
Robert Wadlow looks at the scoreboard one last time! Numbers don't lie for a circus performer!
Donald Trump turns back to look at the court one last time. Jyoti Amge doesn't turn around. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
88-132 (L)
Jyoti Amge steps onto the arena! From portraying the film character to this, game time!
Robert Wadlow, this All-Star caliber talent, comes up empty! An alley-oop off target in transition!
Jyoti Amge loses possession! The film character never leaves a movie actor's hands like that!
Donald Trump gets screened out! Stuck behind their portfolio ledger like it's a wall!
Robert Wadlow shakes their head! A circus performer who can't believe that just happened!
End of the first act. Robert Wadlow is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Word is Robert Wadlow sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Robert Wadlow misses the triple! Three-pointers aren't like triple-checking the game!
Robert Wadlow gets the mercy sub! Mercy, like a circus performer begging the game for mercy!
Jyoti Amge with the careless pass! Portraying the film character with more care, please!
Donald Trump waves off the play! The authority of an investor in that gesture!
Robert Wadlow fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the circus performer gave everything!
Robert Wadlow's eyes are glassy. Jyoti Amge mumbles 'we'll get them next time' without believing it. I learned that Robert Wadlow's father was a circus performer. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
78-122 (L)
Jyoti Amge announces themselves! The movie actor has arrived and the building knows it!
A pull-up jumper from Robert Wadlow goes in and out! Heartbreaking at the top of the key!
Donald Trump with the backcourt violation! This generational talent under too much pressure!
Donald Trump caught flat-footed! Standing still, the investor reflexes took a nap!
Robert Wadlow storms to the bench! Heated! This circus performer doesn't handle losing well!
Both teams head in. Donald Trump has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Exclusive info: Donald Trump is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Robert Wadlow rattles it out! Shaking the gymnasium with their bare hands intensity!
Jyoti Amge cramps up! Muscles tight from the script binder and the rock double duty!
This top-tier talent Robert Wadlow loses concentration and the rock with it!
This franchise cornerstone Donald Trump slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!
Jyoti Amge packs up and heads out! Packing the script binder, unpacking emotions!
Robert Wadlow isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Jyoti Amge tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. I learned that Robert Wadlow's father was a circus performer. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
82-127 (L)
Opening possession for Donald Trump! First touch, like first touch of their portfolio ledger!
Robert Wadlow launches and misses! The pill isn't the game, and it shows!
This multi-time All-Star Robert Wadlow gets pickpocketed facing the rim! Sloppy handling!
Robert Wadlow reacts too late to rotate! Heavy feet on the help side!
Jyoti Amge can't mask the disappointment! This hooper's hooper wearing it on the sleeve!
Back in the locker room, Robert Wadlow sits down and stares at the ceiling. Intel: Robert Wadlow once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.
Donald Trump can't convert the open shot! Bankrolling the next venture is way easier!
This top-tier talent Robert Wadlow stumbles! The fatigue is real after this ball game!
This all-time great Donald Trump commits the offensive foul! Turnover from the left corner!
Donald Trump argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to bankrolling the next venture!
Robert Wadlow consoles teammates! The heart of a circus performer in that moment!
Donald Trump takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Jyoti Amge doesn't drink. Throat too tight. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
76-121 (L)
Jyoti Amge comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the movie actor means business!
This max-contract guy Robert Wadlow whiffs on a reverse layup! The crowd groans!
Donald Trump commits the live-ball turnover! Their portfolio ledger would be ashamed!
Donald Trump gives up the back door! Shaky emotions under pressure when overplaying!
This legit talent Jyoti Amge throws an elbow in frustration! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display!
That's a cut. Robert Wadlow stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Anecdote of the day: Robert Wadlow forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Jyoti Amge launches the rock into the front rim! That's frustrating for this respected competitor!
Donald Trump labors up the court! Trudging like an investor dragging the next venture!
Donald Trump gets picked! An investor getting the next venture stolen in broad daylight!
Donald Trump glares at the orange! Like it personally betrayed this investor!
This global icon Donald Trump leaves the temple of basketball with head held high. Fought to the end.
Donald Trump's complexion is grey. Jyoti Amge's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
85-130 (L)
Robert Wadlow takes the court to immense pressure! The circus performer with their bare hands is here!
Jyoti Amge can't buy a bucket! Another miss off the pick and roll! Frustrating!
Jyoti Amge trips up in the key! A movie actor never trips at work... Right?
Robert Wadlow gets screened out of the play! This headliner lost in traffic!
Robert Wadlow, this colossus, sits down hard on the bench! Limited stamina written all over his face!
The players file out. Robert Wadlow exchanges a tense look with the coach. Juicy intel: Robert Wadlow turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Donald Trump misses the free throw! Bankrolling the next venture under pressure is easier!
Donald Trump digs deep! Deep as an investor digs into the next venture!
Intercepted! Donald Trump's pass snatched right out of the air! An investor would never be that careless!
Robert Wadlow drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a circus performer's spirit has limits!
Robert Wadlow takes the loss hard! Hard as the game on a bad circus performer day!
Robert Wadlow takes off his shoes and carries them like a ghost. Jyoti Amge follows the same path. I spent my evening screaming into a microphone, and honestly, I'd do it all over again. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Jyoti Amge.
Season journal
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