President team go — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | Denver Horse-Track | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | Houston Blast-Off | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | President team go | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. Ladies and gentlemen... President team go! Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Abraham Lincoln. Just the name sends chills through the building. Standing at 193 cm, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face. The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins. Hold on tight because the next name is going to make you spit out your beer: Joe Biden. Profession? University professor. Yeah. The coach saw him on TV, called his agent (who didn't exist), and offered him a ten-day contract "to see." The guy showed up with their lecture notes, a ham sandwich, and bulletproof enthusiasm. At his first practice, he attempted a dunk and ended up hanging from the net like a cat stuck in a tree. The fire department came. Twice. But he's got heart, the man, and apparently the precision he puts into the young scholars could translate to mid-range shooting. We believe. Well, the coach believes. The rest of us broke out the popcorn. Budget-wise, we're in the "checked the couch cushions to fund the last contract" category. Seriously, there are high school programs with better catering. The owner watches every dollar like it's his last, and the GM negotiates trades with the anxiety of a guy haggling at a flea market. But paradoxically, that might be their strength: when you've got nothing to lose, you play free. And sometimes, freedom works miracles on the hardwood.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
91-134 (L)
Joe Biden gets the crowd going early! Setting the tone like a university professor on day one!
This undisputed superstar Donald Trump puts up a sky hook but it won't fall! Off night!
Barack Obama dispossessed! Couldn't hold on, not the community organizer's finest moment!
Joe Biden, this swiss-army-knife type, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over limited stamina!
Joe Biden argues with the ref! The same passion they bring to challenging the young scholars!
Halftime. Donald Trump is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Little scoop: Donald Trump tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Donald Trump misses! Even a film producer can't fix that shot!
George Washington is gassed! More tired than after a full day of cultivating the stubborn soil!
This basketball god Abraham Lincoln commits the offensive foul! Turnover from the left corner!
Joe Biden slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a university professor hits the workbench!
This franchise cornerstone George Washington stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this franchise cornerstone wanted.
Abraham Lincoln's face is locked shut, zero emotion. Barack Obama hides his eyes under a towel. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
94-101 (L)
Joe Biden, this tweener, announced to huge cheers! Wild stands!
An and-one attempt by Joe Biden falls short! Occasional mental lapses in the legs!
Joe Biden, this do-it-all player, gets called for the carry! Ego the size of Texas in ball-handling!
Donald Trump caught flat-footed! Standing still, the film producer reflexes took a nap!
This certified GOAT candidate George Washington capitalizes from the right corner! A pull-up jumper with unreal swagger!
The players leave the court. Donald Trump clings to the tunnel railing. Locker room intel: Donald Trump has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
Barack Obama looks to the heavens! A community organizer praying for their bullhorn to work!
Joe Biden can't find the range! Their lecture notes has better accuracy than that!
Barack Obama dunks with purpose every possession! This franchise cornerstone chess master!
Donald Trump soldiers on! The soldier who greenlights the risky picture with their loaded checkbook!
Abraham Lincoln packs up and heads out! Packing the seed dibber, unpacking emotions!
Donald Trump's complexion is grey. George Washington's is red. Defeat comes in different colors. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
111-95 (W)
Abraham Lincoln takes the court to a packed arena! The farmer with the seed dibber is here!
Joe Biden pops the jumper! Clean as their lecture notes after a polish!
Joe Biden times it perfectly and rejects the shot! A sky-high block from downtown!
George Washington, this living legend, sets the table at the buzzer! Assist master!
George Washington traps with the double! Trapping them, the farmer knows how to corner prey!
Both teams head in. Barack Obama has a red mark on his cheek from an elbow. Did you know Barack Obama started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
Abraham Lincoln fires away the Wilson with flair and hits a half-court heave! Sensational!
The announcer calls Barack Obama 'The community organizer!' the venue roars its approval!
Donald Trump sacrifices the body taking the charge! This hall-of-fame lock ultimate teammate!
George Washington, this generational talent, is playing with nothing to lose! Watch out, this generational talent is dangerous!
Donald Trump wraps up with a double-double! Double duty: their loaded checkbook and the rock!
Joe Biden pretends to plant a flag at center court. George Washington stands at attention. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
95-117 (L)
This household name Barack Obama gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
George Washington bricks another one! Building something awful with the seed dibber tonight!
George Washington fades away carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
Barack Obama reacts too late to rotate! Limited stamina on the help side!
Abraham Lincoln drives through traffic and scores! Incredible finish!
Break! Donald Trump has left a puddle of sweat at every step through the tunnel. Rumor has it Donald Trump talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
George Washington, this small but mighty player, throws the hands up! Exasperated under the basket!
Donald Trump misses the layup! Even the risky picture would have gone in easier!
Barack Obama executes a switch-everything defense perfectly! Precision learned as a community organizer!
Joe Biden calls for the sub! Even a university professor's stamina with their lecture notes has limits!
Barack Obama walks off in defeat! Even a community organizer's skills couldn't save tonight!
Donald Trump walks in slow motion, arms dangling. Abraham Lincoln speeds up. Wants it to be over. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
107-90 (W)
George Washington starts in the rebounder! Playing the rebounder way a farmer plays with the seed dibber!
Joe Biden knocks it down! Solid as a university professor with their lecture notes in hand!
Donald Trump clamps down! Tighter than a film producer's grip on their loaded checkbook!
Barack Obama lets fly and creates! Another assist facing the rim! Quarterback!
George Washington uses their size out there! The farmer has a built-in advantage!
Break! Joe Biden heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Anecdote: Joe Biden fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
An alley-oop by Abraham Lincoln! The crowd erupts! A killer instinct personified!
This living legend Abraham Lincoln gets the crowd into it! A hostile crowd at fever pitch!
Joe Biden runs the play to perfection! Perfection of challenging the young scholars!
The story of Barack Obama: a community organizer by morning, a baller by night. The neighborhood would be proud!
Abraham Lincoln, this smooth operator, takes the final bow! A team high-five! Dominant display!
Donald Trump performs an absolutely ridiculous victory dance. Barack Obama imitates it. It's worse. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
95-114 (L)
George Washington, this once-in-a-lifetime player, draws first blood! A half-court heave to start!
Donald Trump, this do-it-all player, gets the look facing the rim but the lid's on the rim!
This certified GOAT candidate Donald Trump dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!
Barack Obama overcommits! Going all-in like a community organizer on the neighborhood, but wrong!
This certified GOAT candidate Abraham Lincoln goes to work under the basket! A floater drops beautifully!
The players leave the court. Barack Obama clings to the tunnel railing. Anecdote: Barack Obama threw up before his first pro game. No more pre-game burgers ever since. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Joe Biden drops the head after another miss! Tendency to rush sapping the confidence!
Donald Trump, this swiss-army-knife type, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this generational talent!
This undisputed superstar George Washington sets the back screen! Natural-born leadership off-ball contribution!
Abraham Lincoln is spent! Used up like the stubborn soil after a farmer's long day!
This first-ballot legend Barack Obama congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this first-ballot legend.
Donald Trump chews his nails on the bench. Joe Biden stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
104-111 (L)
Barack Obama, this combo guard, takes the court! The standing ovation is electric!
The rim rejects Donald Trump! The rim says no! Even a film producer gets rejected sometimes!
Abraham Lincoln botches the handoff! Even the seed dibber exchanges go smoother!
Donald Trump gets screened out of the play! This all-time great lost in traffic!
Abraham Lincoln converts the and-one! Tough as cultivating the stubborn soil all day!
That's a wrap for now. Barack Obama dives into the tunnel. Small detail: Barack Obama whistles the national anthem before every game. Off-key. Consistently off-key. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Joe Biden throws their hands up! Like a university professor when their lecture notes breaks!
George Washington misses the runner! Stick to the day job, buddy!
Barack Obama, this solid build, seals the defender for position! Fundamentals!
Donald Trump misses from fatigue! Tired arms from greenlighting the risky picture all week!
Despite the loss, Donald Trump held their own with the risky picture! The film producer fought!
Donald Trump pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Abraham Lincoln takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
109-110 (L)
Abraham Lincoln locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a farmer who means business!
Abraham Lincoln explodes the basketball into a buzzer beater! Ridiculous creativity shining through!
This generational talent George Washington misjudges the passing lane! Easy assist through!
Donald Trump, this generational talent, fumbles the finish on the low block! Back to the drawing board!
Joe Biden scores on three straight possessions! Challenging the young scholars rhythm!
Break. Donald Trump collapses on the locker room floor, arms spread wide. Juicy intel: Donald Trump turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Donald Trump forces the hero ball and misses! This potential GOAT with limited stamina!
Joe Biden shakes their head! A university professor who can't believe that just happened!
A standing ovation for Abraham Lincoln! The farmer who conquered the field house with the seed dibber!
Joe Biden, this all-around player, gets blocked in the clutch! A flawless defensive rotation denies this first-ballot legend!
Joe Biden shakes hands through the pain! A university professor who respects their lecture notes and the game!
Barack Obama walks in slow motion, arms dangling. Abraham Lincoln speeds up. Wants it to be over. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
94-118 (L)
Donald Trump announces themselves! The film producer has arrived and the building knows it!
Joe Biden air-mails a finger roll under the basket! Way off for this franchise cornerstone!
Abraham Lincoln with the lazy pass! Heavy feet leading to easy points!
Abraham Lincoln loses the screen battle! Limited stamina around the picks!
Abraham Lincoln scoops it up and in! The touch of a farmer with the stubborn soil!
Halftime! George Washington walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Did you know? George Washington tried to become a rapper before basketball. The world dodged a bullet. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
George Washington walks away muttering! Muttering about the stubborn soil under their breath!
Abraham Lincoln forces up a tear drop over the defense! Hot head! Bad decision!
Abraham Lincoln sets the screen at the perfect angle! This generational talent cerebral play!
Abraham Lincoln misses from fatigue! This certified GOAT candidate can't get the elevation at the top of the key!
Abraham Lincoln looks at the scoreboard one last time! Numbers don't lie for a farmer!
Barack Obama refuses Houston Blast-Off's handshake. Joe Biden offers a limp one with just his fingertips. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Barack Obama's name. Forgive me. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
102-123 (L)
The game begins and Donald Trump is ready! You can see unreal swagger written all over his face!
George Washington shoots an air ball in palpable tension! A farmer lost in the noise!
Abraham Lincoln coughs up the orange! Limited stamina strikes again from mid-range!
Barack Obama, this do-it-all player, can't keep up with the speed! Lack of consistency exposed!
Barack Obama, this combo guard, carves up the defense for a sky hook! Beautiful!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Joe Biden asks for an ice pack. Confession: Joe Biden tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
George Washington penetrates the towel! This once-in-a-lifetime player showing tendency to force bad shots!
George Washington can't convert! The farmer's touch with the stubborn soil deserted them!
Barack Obama outsmarts the opponent! The brains of a community organizer with their bullhorn!
Donald Trump misses the rotation! Too tired, like a film producer too tired for the risky picture!
Joe Biden, this all-around player, trudges off the gymnasium. Lessons to take from this one.
Barack Obama avoids the cameras like the plague. Abraham Lincoln gets caught. Just says 'we'll be better'. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
89-122 (L)
Barack Obama stretches center court! Loosening up, the community organizer is getting ready!
Off the mark for Joe Biden! Great university professor, not so great at basketball tonight!
Abraham Lincoln throws it away! A pass worse than a farmer tossing the stubborn soil!
Abraham Lincoln loses their assignment! Like losing the seed dibber in the workshop!
Barack Obama is visibly upset! Upset as a community organizer when the neighborhood goes sideways!
Halftime. Abraham Lincoln throws his towel on the floor walking in. Did you know? Abraham Lincoln tried to become a rapper before basketball. The world dodged a bullet. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Barack Obama rattles it out! Shaking the hardwood with their bullhorn intensity!
Joe Biden can't get lift! Legs heavy as their lecture notes after the 48 regulation minutes!
Abraham Lincoln loses the Wilson! A farmer would never be this careless!
Abraham Lincoln sits on the bench for a moment! Resting like a farmer after a long shift!
Abraham Lincoln refuses to make excuses! A farmer owns the stubborn soil failures too!
George Washington stares at the floor while Barack Obama mutters something inaudible under his breath. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
89-105 (L)
Barack Obama wins the opening tip! Tipping off with community organizer energy!
Donald Trump denied by the basket! Even a film producer can't pry it open!
This certified GOAT candidate Abraham Lincoln with turnover number points! Sometimes predictable game is piling up!
George Washington lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this first-ballot legend fooled!
Donald Trump treats the basketball like the risky picture and sinks it. Easy as pie for a film producer!
Into the tunnel. Joe Biden grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Anecdote of the day: Joe Biden forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
Donald Trump, this versatile guy, waves off the play call! Occasional mental lapses hurting the team!
Abraham Lincoln misses the bunny! A farmer dropping the stubborn soil from point-blank!
Joe Biden draws the double team! Attracting attention, the university professor is a magnet out there!
Barack Obama, this tweener, is drenched in sweat! Emptying the tank!
Barack Obama wipes a tear! A community organizer who poured everything into the effort!
Donald Trump isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Abraham Lincoln tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
78-120 (L)
Joe Biden huddles with the team! Huddling up, the university professor strategizes!
Donald Trump with a rough free throw under the basket! Shaky emotions under pressure at the worst time!
Abraham Lincoln, this all-around player, commits the travel! Hot head in the footwork!
George Washington left in the dust! Even a farmer moves faster than that!
Donald Trump drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a film producer's spirit has limits!
End of the first half. Donald Trump is beet red but still standing. Fun fact: Donald Trump was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
George Washington clanks it off the rim! That sounded like the seed dibber hitting the stubborn soil!
Abraham Lincoln powers through! The farmer in them won't quit on the stubborn soil!
Donald Trump, this all-around player, gets stripped driving to the hoop! Tendency to force bad shots exposed!
This absolute legend Barack Obama can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Abraham Lincoln tells reporters: 'Tomorrow we cultivates better, like the stubborn soil!'
Donald Trump presses his forehead against the tunnel glass. Barack Obama walks right past without noticing. During the break, I tried doing crunches behind the console. My back remembers. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
74-118 (L)
This global icon Barack Obama comes out aggressive! Opens with a buzzer-beater under the basket!
That one wasn't even close, Donald Trump! Stick to greenlighting the risky picture!
Intercepted! Abraham Lincoln's pass snatched right out of the air! A farmer would never be that careless!
Abraham Lincoln, this smooth operator, gets dunked on back to the basket! Poster material!
This first-ballot legend Abraham Lincoln stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!
Halftime whistle! Barack Obama grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Juicy anecdote: Barack Obama was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. Both teams return. You can tell the coach gave them an earful.
Barack Obama with a wild attempt! This living legend not finding the range tonight!
Abraham Lincoln, this solid build, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!
Stolen from Joe Biden! A university professor who let it slip through their fingers!
This household name Barack Obama hangs the head after the miss! Deflated from downtown!
Abraham Lincoln fought but fell short! Just out of reach, the farmer gave everything!
Joe Biden walks like someone carrying the weight of the world. Donald Trump drags one foot after the other. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
86-131 (L)
Joe Biden blows past onto the floor! The crowd roars for this guy with rings on every finger!
Joe Biden, this all-around player, gets the separation but can't finish! Shaky emotions under pressure!
Barack Obama, this tweener, steps out of bounds with the ball! Mental lapse!
Donald Trump, this do-it-all player, gets blown by on the perimeter! Limited stamina in the legs!
This household name George Washington shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Halftime whistle. Abraham Lincoln has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Little secret: Abraham Lincoln watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Joe Biden bricks it! Not the same accuracy as challenging the young scholars!
George Washington is running on pure willpower! This first-ballot legend refusing to quit!
Joe Biden gets picked! A university professor getting the young scholars stolen in broad daylight!
Joe Biden, this household name, yells at the coaching staff! Limited stamina causing friction!
Abraham Lincoln hangs their head! A farmer who gave everything they had!
George Washington has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. Barack Obama has aged ten years in forty minutes. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
President team go finishes #16 (2W-13L). Better luck next season! MVP: Abraham Lincoln.
Season Journal
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. Ladies and gentlemen... President team go!
Now let's talk about the man who moves jerseys faster than hot dogs at the concession stand. Abraham Lincoln. Just the name sends chills through the building. Standing at 193 cm, arms that cover half the court, and a basketball IQ so fast that defenders feel like they're playing in slow motion. This man doesn't walk, he glides. He doesn't jump, he launches into orbit. And when he locks eyes with you before a free throw, you feel like YOU'RE the one about to catch the ball in your face.
The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins.
Hold on tight because the next name is going to make you spit out your beer: Joe Biden. Profession? University professor. Yeah. The coach saw him on TV, called his agent (who didn't exist), and offered him a ten-day contract "to see." The guy showed up with their lecture notes, a ham sandwich, and bulletproof enthusiasm. At his first practice, he attempted a dunk and ended up hanging from the net like a cat stuck in a tree. The fire department came. Twice. But he's got heart, the man, and apparently the precision he puts into the young scholars could translate to mid-range shooting. We believe. Well, the coach believes. The rest of us broke out the popcorn.
Budget-wise, we're in the "checked the couch cushions to fund the last contract" category. Seriously, there are high school programs with better catering. The owner watches every dollar like it's his last, and the GM negotiates trades with the anxiety of a guy haggling at a flea market. But paradoxically, that might be their strength: when you've got nothing to lose, you play free. And sometimes, freedom works miracles on the hardwood.
President team go finishes #16 (2W-13L). Better luck next season! MVP: Abraham Lincoln.
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