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Season Journal

Standings

#TeamWLPts
1San Antonio Skyscrapers14128
2Detroit Engine-Roar12324
3Boston Ring-Chasers12324
4Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest12324
5Cleveland Twin-Towers11422
6New York Over-Timers8716
7Houston Blast-Off8716
8Phoenix No-Defense8716
9Toronto Border-Patrol7814
10Minnesota Ice-Wall7814
11Los Angeles Nursing-Home6912
12Denver Horse-Track51010
13Orlando Magic-Beans51010
14Philadelphia Injury-Report3126
15Miami Heart-Attack2134
16My Team0150

Pre-season

Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Stephen Curry on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 188 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. His teammate told me something last week that gave me chills. He said: "When he's silent in the locker room before a game, I know we're about to destroy everybody." The man doesn't talk, he executes. He doesn't celebrate, he absorbs. And when the buzzer is approaching and the score is tight, everybody knows. The teammates, the opponents, the refs, the guy selling nachos on the upper deck. Everybody knows the ball is ending up in his hands. And it's ending up in the basket. Mid-pack budget. The team of guys who punch the clock, don't complain, cash a decent paycheck, and go home without making headlines. It's not sexy, but it works. The GM is a damn wizard at finding role players at 3 million who play like they're worth 15, and the coach squeezes every drop out of this roster. The problem? One major injury and the whole house of cards collapses.

Matchday 1vs Detroit Engine-Roar

86-130 (L)

Stephen Curry opens with a buzzer-beater! This All-Star caliber talent making an early statement!

Stephen Curry fires a pull-up jumper on the low block but can't connect! Lack of consistency showing!

Stephen Curry coughs up the orange! Tendency to rush strikes again at the top of the key!

Stephen Curry gives up the back door! Occasional mental lapses when overplaying!

Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, throws the hands up! Exasperated from the right corner!

Time to breathe. Stephen Curry has both hands on both knees, completely cooked. They say Stephen Curry eats honey straight from the jar during timeouts. The bear of the hardwood. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.

Brick! Stephen Curry misfires from way beyond the arc! Defense that's basically a suggestion at the worst time!

This All-Star caliber talent Stephen Curry can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!

Stephen Curry, this swiss-army-knife type, gets the ball poked away! Shaky emotions under pressure when protecting the rock!

Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, sits down hard on the bench! Defense that's basically a suggestion written all over his face!

Stephen Curry lets fly past the media. This guy everybody knows not in the mood to talk.

Stephen Curry walks head down toward the tunnel. Stephen Curry drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'

Matchday 2vs Miami Heart-Attack

75-120 (L)

This world-class player Stephen Curry comes out firing! A buzzer beater in the first minute!

This world-class player Stephen Curry shanks a euro-step from way beyond the arc! That's uncharacteristic!

This headliner Stephen Curry gets pickpocketed along the baseline! Sloppy handling!

Stephen Curry bites on the pump fake! This bonafide star sent flying on the low block!

Stephen Curry, this top-tier talent, barks at the teammate! Tendency to force bad shots taking over!

Well-deserved break. Stephen Curry looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Intel: Stephen Curry once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.

Stephen Curry misfires from the left corner! Even this established star has off nights!

Stephen Curry, this tweener, is moving in slow motion! Tank is empty!

Stephen Curry shoots the Wilson right to the defense! Costly mistake by this certified bucket!

Stephen Curry explodes away from the huddle! This max-contract guy in a dark place mentally!

Stephen Curry had the chances but couldn't convert. This bonafide star left wanting.

Stephen Curry walks like someone carrying the weight of the world. Stephen Curry drags one foot after the other. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.

Matchday 3vs Orlando Magic-Beans

77-122 (L)

Stephen Curry posts up with energy from the opening whistle! This max-contract guy locked in!

Stephen Curry launches a tear drop and... Airball! Shaky emotions under pressure at its peak!

Stephen Curry charges right into the defender! Turnover! Ego the size of Texas when controlling pace!

Stephen Curry, this swiss-army-knife type, lets the shooter get free facing the rim! Costly lapse!

Stephen Curry storms to the bench! This headliner is visibly upset!

Rest. Stephen Curry buries his head in a wet towel and doesn't move. Little secret: Stephen Curry listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.

Stephen Curry, this certified bucket, comes up empty! A buzzer-beater off target from way beyond the arc!

Stephen Curry, this big-name player, with the tired turnover! Legs and mind fatigued!

This guy everybody knows Stephen Curry commits the 5-second violation! Clock management occasional mental lapses!

Stephen Curry, this All-Star caliber talent, refuses to high-five! Hot head hurting the chemistry!

Stephen Curry spins to the tunnel in disappointment. This jersey-selling name will learn from this.

Stephen Curry stares at his hands like he doesn't recognize them. Stephen Curry exhales. Again. And again. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'

Matchday 4vs Philadelphia Injury-Report

88-132 (L)

Tip-off! Stephen Curry gets us started! Let's go!

Stephen Curry dribbles the orange into nothing! Tendency to rush on full display tonight!

Stephen Curry, this swiss-army-knife type, gets stripped from way beyond the arc! Ego the size of Texas exposed!

Stephen Curry turns the head and loses the man! This multi-time All-Star napping defensively!

Stephen Curry slams the orange in frustration! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display!

Coach calls everyone back. Stephen Curry drags his feet toward the tunnel. Did you know Stephen Curry plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.

This established star Stephen Curry rattles it out! So close yet so far in the paint!

Stephen Curry misses from fatigue! This elite player can't get the elevation under the basket!

This max-contract guy Stephen Curry with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!

Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, waves off the play call! Tendency to rush hurting the team!

Stephen Curry, this big-name player, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.

Stephen Curry isolates in a corner, back against the wall. Stephen Curry tries to talk. He raises a hand to say no. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'

Matchday 5vs Phoenix No-Defense

74-119 (L)

Stephen Curry, this certified bucket, draws first blood! A scoop layup to start!

Stephen Curry with the off-balance and-one! This big-name player couldn't set the feet!

Stephen Curry, this tweener, commits the travel! Hot head in the footwork!

Stephen Curry reacts too late to rotate! Tendency to rush on the help side!

This franchise guy Stephen Curry slaps the floor in anger! The frustration is palpable!

Halftime! Stephen Curry checks his stats on the board and winces. Fun fact: Stephen Curry was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.

Stephen Curry with the contested buzzer beater at the top of the key! No good! Bad selection!

Stephen Curry grabs the shorts! This guy everybody knows is running on fumes!

This guy everybody knows Stephen Curry with turnover number points! Shaky emotions under pressure is piling up!

Stephen Curry glares at the scoreboard! This multi-time All-Star not happy with the situation!

This guy everybody knows Stephen Curry leaves the hardwood with head held high. Fought to the end.

Stephen Curry mutters 'damn' under his breath. Stephen Curry says 'yeah' in the same tone. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.

Matchday 6vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home

74-119 (L)

Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, takes the court! The immense pressure is electric!

This All-Star caliber talent Stephen Curry muscles up a half-court heave but can't get it to fall!

Stephen Curry launches carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!

Stephen Curry falls asleep on the weak side! Tendency to rush exposed!

Stephen Curry mouths off and picks up a T! Ego the size of Texas taking over!

The players leave the court. Stephen Curry clings to the tunnel railing. Juicy anecdote: Stephen Curry was caught dancing the Macarena in the showers. Alone. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.

Stephen Curry fires away the Wilson into the front rim! That's frustrating for this jersey-selling name!

Stephen Curry is visibly tired! This bonafide star needs a timeout badly!

Stephen Curry with a wild pass that sails out! This jersey-selling name giving it away!

This bonafide star Stephen Curry stares at the ref! That look could freeze water!

Stephen Curry, this tweener, hangs the head. Tough loss despite night-in night-out consistency effort.

Stephen Curry has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. Stephen Curry has aged ten years in forty minutes. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.

Matchday 7vs Toronto Border-Patrol

74-118 (L)

This jersey-selling name Stephen Curry opens the scoring! A finger roll! Early advantage!

Stephen Curry rushes a tear drop along the baseline! Tendency to rush creeping in!

Stephen Curry with the lazy pass! Lack of consistency leading to easy points!

Stephen Curry scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Tendency to force bad shots!

Stephen Curry explodes angrily after the turnover! This elite player spiraling!

Halftime whistle. Stephen Curry high-fives his teammates on the way out. I've been told Stephen Curry once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.

Stephen Curry, this All-Star caliber talent, sends the rock wide! The touch is off tonight!

This elite player Stephen Curry can barely jump! The springs are gone facing the rim!

Stephen Curry throws it away! Shaky emotions under pressure under pressure at the top of the key!

Stephen Curry, this headliner, with the frustrated foul! Heavy feet in tough moments!

This jersey-selling name Stephen Curry shakes hands and moves on. In the end, occasional mental lapses proved costly.

Stephen Curry has bags under his eyes that weren't there before the game. Stephen Curry has aged ten years in forty minutes. I spent the evening looking for a stat that couldn't be found. It didn't exist. I made one up. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.

Matchday 8vs Minnesota Ice-Wall

81-125 (L)

This elite player Stephen Curry means business! Fast start from way beyond the arc!

This established star Stephen Curry whiffs on a hook shot! The crowd groans!

Stephen Curry, this swiss-army-knife type, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted at half court!

Stephen Curry, this combo guard, gets dunked on at half court! Poster material!

Stephen Curry explodes the towel! This headliner showing defense that's basically a suggestion!

Break. The coach is yelling in the tunnel, Stephen Curry picks up the pace. The staff told me Stephen Curry sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.

This elite player Stephen Curry throws up a prayer driving to the hoop! Not answered!

Stephen Curry, this swiss-army-knife type, looks exhausted from way beyond the arc! The legs are gone!

Stephen Curry penetrates into a dead end at half court! Turnover! Lack of consistency!

Stephen Curry, this bonafide star, yells at the coaching staff! Occasional mental lapses causing friction!

This multi-time All-Star Stephen Curry congratulates the opponent. Class in defeat from this multi-time All-Star.

Stephen Curry hurls his mouthguard into the trash. Stephen Curry keeps his in, chewing on the frustration. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.

Matchday 9vs Houston Blast-Off

90-134 (L)

This big-name player Stephen Curry in the starting lineup! Let's see what this big-name player brings!

This elite player Stephen Curry misfires again! Occasional mental lapses could cost the team!

This top-tier talent Stephen Curry commits the offensive foul! Turnover from way beyond the arc!

Stephen Curry, this combo guard, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over defense that's basically a suggestion!

Stephen Curry gets a technical for complaining! Tendency to force bad shots on full display!

Halftime! Stephen Curry is limping slightly heading off the court. Fun fact: Stephen Curry is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.

Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, can't finish from downtown! That one stings!

This max-contract guy Stephen Curry stumbles! The fatigue is real after the 48 regulation minutes!

Stephen Curry tries to be too fancy and loses the damn ball! Injury-prone body in the decision-making!

Stephen Curry mutters to himself walking back! This top-tier talent fighting inner demons!

Stephen Curry, this certified bucket, takes the loss hard. Tendency to rush at the wrong moments.

Stephen Curry turns back to look at the court one last time. Stephen Curry doesn't turn around. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. That's it for tonight. Coming up: 'True Confessions: I Put Ketchup on Pasta.'

Matchday 10vs Denver Horse-Track

73-118 (L)

The game begins and Stephen Curry is ready! You can see freakish explosiveness written all over his face!

A free throw by Stephen Curry from downtown is way off! Tough night for this reliable star!

Stephen Curry dunks into a trap! Injury-prone body when reading the defense!

This world-class player Stephen Curry fouls reaching in! Tendency to rush on defense!

Stephen Curry posts up and kicks the stanchion! This jersey-selling name losing composure!

End of the first act. Stephen Curry is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Did you know Stephen Curry entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.

Stephen Curry crosses over the ball right into the defender's hands! Limited stamina!

Stephen Curry is cramping up! This bonafide star trying to shake it off! Occasional mental lapses!

This top-tier talent Stephen Curry forces a pass into double coverage! Picked off!

Stephen Curry can't mask the disappointment! This headliner wearing it on the sleeve!

This elite player Stephen Curry tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.

Stephen Curry's gaze is cold, distant. Stephen Curry's gaze is hot, angry. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.

Matchday 11vs New York Over-Timers

89-133 (L)

Stephen Curry takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!

Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, can't get a thunderous slam to drop! Cold as ice tonight!

This jersey-selling name Stephen Curry loses concentration and the rock with it!

This headliner Stephen Curry picks up the cheap foul! Sometimes predictable game showing!

Stephen Curry drops the head after another miss! Limited stamina sapping the confidence!

Well-deserved break. Stephen Curry looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Confession: Stephen Curry believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. Back for seconds. The court is shining, and so are the players.

Stephen Curry dunks but overcooks it! Ego the size of Texas showing up again!

Stephen Curry is running on pure willpower! This world-class player refusing to quit!

Stephen Curry throws it into the stands! What was that from this world-class player!

Stephen Curry, this tweener, shows negative body language! Shaky emotions under pressure creeping in!

Stephen Curry walks off in silence. This bonafide star gave it all but it wasn't enough.

Stephen Curry scratches the back of his neck nervously. Stephen Curry has the look of someone who has seen things. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.

Matchday 12vs Cleveland Twin-Towers

75-119 (L)

Stephen Curry, this big-name player, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!

This headliner Stephen Curry with a rare miss from the right corner! Even the best stumble!

Stephen Curry loses the ball in traffic! This top-tier talent can't afford that!

Stephen Curry loses the screen battle! Tendency to rush around the picks!

Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, pounds the scorer's table! Heavy feet on full display!

Break time. Stephen Curry bolts to the locker room without looking at anyone. Fun fact: Stephen Curry failed the driving test three times. On the court it's a different story, thankfully. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.

Stephen Curry, this reliable star, fumbles the finish under the basket! Back to the drawing board!

Stephen Curry is gassed! This big-name player bent over at half court! Heavy feet catching up!

Stephen Curry with the backcourt violation! This headliner under too much pressure!

This established star Stephen Curry shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!

Stephen Curry reflects on what could have been. Tendency to force bad shots the difference tonight.

Stephen Curry closes his eyes walking out. Stephen Curry keeps his wide open, fixed, empty. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. That's a wrap for tonight. Coming up: 'The Amazing Race: Subway Line 13.' Viewer discretion advised.

Matchday 13vs Boston Ring-Chasers

87-132 (L)

This top-tier talent Stephen Curry gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!

Stephen Curry can't buy a bucket! Another miss from the right corner! Frustrating!

Stephen Curry with the errant pass! This reliable star needs to settle down!

This headliner Stephen Curry can't recover! Scored on under the basket! Ego the size of Texas!

This guy everybody knows Stephen Curry fouls hard out of frustration! Sometimes predictable game showing!

Break. Stephen Curry's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Locker room intel: Stephen Curry has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.

This All-Star caliber talent Stephen Curry puts up a buzzer beater but it won't fall! Off night!

This world-class player Stephen Curry has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!

This multi-time All-Star Stephen Curry dribbles off the foot! Unforced error!

This multi-time All-Star Stephen Curry gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!

Stephen Curry sits alone on the bench. This guy everybody knows processing the defeat.

Stephen Curry refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. Stephen Curry watches it and immediately regrets it. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'

Matchday 14vs San Antonio Skyscrapers

77-122 (L)

This franchise guy Stephen Curry catches the orange early and goes to work! Opening salvo!

Stephen Curry can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this world-class player!

Stephen Curry passes to nobody! This top-tier talent with a head-scratching decision!

This max-contract guy Stephen Curry commits the and-one foul! Tendency to rush in positioning!

This certified bucket Stephen Curry hangs the head after the miss! Deflated from the left corner!

Halftime. Stephen Curry glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. The staff told me Stephen Curry sings in the shower. Badly. Very badly. Play resumes. The DJ drops a beat to hype up the crowd.

Stephen Curry, this swiss-army-knife type, wastes a golden chance with a wild buzzer beater!

Stephen Curry blows past a step slower than usual! Shaky emotions under pressure in the tank!

Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, steps out of bounds with the Wilson! Mental lapse!

This All-Star caliber talent Stephen Curry can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!

Stephen Curry, this swiss-army-knife type, trudges off the palace of hoops. Lessons to take from this one.

Stephen Curry hurls his water bottle at the wall. Stephen Curry flinches but doesn't react. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'

Matchday 15vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest

86-130 (L)

Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, announced to huge cheers! An electric crowd!

Stephen Curry, this swiss-army-knife type, gets the look but can't convert along the baseline!

Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, gets called for the carry! Tendency to rush in ball-handling!

Stephen Curry lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this max-contract guy fooled!

This established star Stephen Curry throws an elbow in frustration! Lack of consistency on full display!

Rest time. Stephen Curry isolates in a corner of the locker room, headphones on. Quick anecdote about Stephen Curry: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.

A devastating dunk from Stephen Curry hits the iron! Injury-prone body under the spotlight!

Stephen Curry asks for the ball to slow the pace! This world-class player needs air!

Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, fumbles the entry pass on the low block!

Stephen Curry picks up the second technical! This jersey-selling name ejected! Limited stamina!

This big-name player Stephen Curry stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this big-name player wanted.

Stephen Curry snaps at the bench on his way out. Stephen Curry says nothing, but his look says everything. My evening? A microphone, cold coffee, and the greatest show on earth. What more could you ask for. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'

My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Stephen Curry.

🏀
#16
Rank
0W-15L
Record
-667
+/-
100
Team Score
42.9M$
Salary
Stephen Curry
MVP

Season Journal

Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby!

Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Stephen Curry on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 188 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them.

His teammate told me something last week that gave me chills. He said: "When he's silent in the locker room before a game, I know we're about to destroy everybody." The man doesn't talk, he executes. He doesn't celebrate, he absorbs. And when the buzzer is approaching and the score is tight, everybody knows. The teammates, the opponents, the refs, the guy selling nachos on the upper deck. Everybody knows the ball is ending up in his hands. And it's ending up in the basket.

Mid-pack budget. The team of guys who punch the clock, don't complain, cash a decent paycheck, and go home without making headlines. It's not sexy, but it works. The GM is a damn wizard at finding role players at 3 million who play like they're worth 15, and the coach squeezes every drop out of this roster. The problem? One major injury and the whole house of cards collapses.

🏆

My Team finishes #16 (0W-15L). Better luck next season! MVP: Stephen Curry.

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