My dream starting five ā basketball_team šŗšø
5 members Ā· TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | New York Over-Timers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | My Team | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 13 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Phoenix No-Defense | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby! Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Luka DonÄiÄ. Standing at 201 cm, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction. And the most terrifying thing about him? It's not the stats, it's not the size, it's the calm. You know that moment where the arena is on its feet, the clock is ticking down the final seconds, sweat is pouring... And he's just chewing his gum like he's waiting for the bus? Then he loads up. And drains it. Stone cold. In front of 20,000 people on the verge of cardiac arrest. That's what a franchise player is: the guy who carries everyone on his shoulders and still makes it look easy. Attention, things are about to get serious. Actually no, things are about to go completely off the rails. The front office signed Andrew Tate. The man is a mixed martial arts fighter. Yes, you heard that right. A mixed martial arts fighter. On a basketball court. With mouth guard in his gym bag and zero understanding of what a pick-and-roll is. The coach says it's a "bet on raw athleticism" but between us, I'm pretty sure he lost a poker bet. Andrew Tate had his first practice yesterday and asked if the free throw line was home plate. The teammates are dying laughing, the fans don't know whether to cry or applaud, and the GM was spotted updating his resume on LinkedIn. The budget, let's talk about it. Or actually, let's not, because it'll make you dizzy. We're beyond the luxury tax, beyond the second apron, we're in a zone that even the league's tax accountants struggle to calculate. The owner burns cash like others burn firewood, and he doesn't bat an eye. Every season this team doesn't win the title is a financial scandal. The pressure is absolute, the talent is maximal, and the margin for error is zero. Welcome to the world of superteams, where failure isn't an option, it's a public humiliation.
Matchday 1 ā vs Detroit Engine-Roar
92-123 (L)
Luka DonÄiÄ, this oversized freak, sets the tone immediately! Natural-born leadership from the jump!
Andrew Tate short on the attempt! Needs the reach of the mouth guard!
Andrew Tate with the backcourt violation! A mixed martial arts fighter going backwards with the opponent's guard!
This hall-of-fame lock Kobe Bryant gives up the offensive rebound! Defense that's basically a suggestion when boxing out!
A thunderous slam by LeBron James! The crowd erupts! Night-in night-out consistency personified!
Players head to the locker room. Andrew Tate has tape on three fingers. Little secret: Andrew Tate has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
Luka DonÄiÄ, this big-name player, refuses to high-five! Heavy feet hurting the chemistry!
LeBron James fires a layup back to the basket but can't connect! Hot head showing!
Luka DonÄiÄ, this world-class player, manages the clock beautifully in overtime!
Andrew Tate digs deep! Deep as a mixed martial arts fighter digs into the opponent's guard!
Andrew Tate, this versatile guy, hangs the head. Tough loss despite silky smooth technique effort.
Jeffrey Dahmer refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. LeBron James watches it and immediately regrets it. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Good night! Up next: 'My 600-Lb Neighbor: He Makes Noise at 3 AM.' Shocking testimonies.
Matchday 2 ā vs Miami Heart-Attack
123-94 (W)
Game time! Luka DonÄiÄ and this elite player ready to put on a show at the palace of hoops!
A deep three from Luka DonÄiÄ! Another dagger! This jersey-selling name closing the door!
Luka DonÄiÄ, this tower, clamps down in the clutch! Elite a ball recovery!
LeBron James rises up and finds the trailer for a euro-step! Great awareness!
LeBron James, this generational talent, manipulates the defense with the eyes! Natural-born leadership!
The locker room fills up. Luka DonÄiÄ has already eaten three oranges. Locker room intel: Luka DonÄiÄ has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Back to hostilities. Faces have changed in the locker room.
LeBron James, this living legend, operates at half court with a double-clutch layup! Clinic!
The energy in this building is unreal! Kobe Bryant channeling a boiling cauldron!
Jeffrey Dahmer takes the blame for the mistake! This certified bucket protecting teammates!
This reliable star Luka DonÄiÄ has that look in the eyes! Watch out! Ridiculous creativity!
Andrew Tate embraces teammates! The bond of dismantling the opponent's guard together!
Jeffrey Dahmer climbs onto the scorer's table. LeBron James joins him. Security is unsure whether to intervene. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 3 ā vs Orlando Magic-Beans
132-91 (W)
Luka DonÄiÄ pulls up onto the floor! The crowd roars for this bonafide star!
Luka DonÄiÄ knocks down a floater in the paint! Ice in the veins!
Kobe Bryant shoots and creates! Another assist under the basket! Quarterback!
Luka DonÄiÄ, this mammoth, overpowers for a half-court heave! Size matters!
Jeffrey Dahmer disrupts the play! Maximum disruption, the soldier is wreaking havoc!
Intermission. LeBron James dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Intel: LeBron James asked Orlando Magic-Beans for their energy drink recipe. They refused. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Jeffrey Dahmer with the crafty free throw! Nerves of steel on display!
Andrew Tate turns it into a clinic! Schooling everybody out there!
Jeffrey Dahmer, this top-tier talent, tries to block the shot and fouls the backboard!
LeBron James pumps the fist! This generational talent feeling it from way beyond the arc! A victory dance!
This hall-of-fame lock Kobe Bryant wraps up a sensational performance! Victory is sweet!
Jeffrey Dahmer points both hands at the sky. LeBron James points at Jeffrey Dahmer. Luka DonÄiÄ points at the exit. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. See you at the next game! In the meantime: 'Pawn Stars: Selling a Pen Without a Cap.'
Matchday 4 ā vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
123-77 (W)
This all-time great LeBron James gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
This bonafide star Andrew Tate does it again! A free throw with effortless precision!
Jeffrey Dahmer with the no-look pass! Defending the front line blindfolded!
Jeffrey Dahmer with the fadeaway euro-step! Smooth as their service rifle in action!
Andrew Tate holds the line in the top of the key! The discipline of a mixed martial arts fighter with the mouth guard!
The players disappear. Luka DonÄiÄ has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. True story: Luka DonÄiÄ had his parking spot stolen by Philadelphia Injury-Report's mascot. Still talks about it. Back at it! The coach said two words. Two words that were enough.
Luka DonÄiÄ with another catch-and-shoot triple! You can't stop this man!
Kobe Bryant piles it on! A reverse layup extends the lead! No mercy tonight!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Kobe Bryant trash talks then immediately misses! Karma!
Luka DonÄiÄ, this 7-footer, gets the crowd on their feet! A fist pump toward the bench! Electric!
Kobe Bryant, this long boy, takes the final bow! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd! Dominant display!
Kobe Bryant takes a bow for the crowd. Luka DonÄiÄ bows to Kobe Bryant. The nobility of basketball. Tonight I learned Kobe Bryant used to be a soldier before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 5 ā vs Phoenix No-Defense
112-101 (W)
The game begins and Luka DonÄiÄ is ready! You can see night-in night-out consistency written all over his face!
An off-balance shot from Andrew Tate at the buzzer! That's a statement right there!
Andrew Tate deflects the pass! Redirecting with mixed martial arts fighter instincts!
Andrew Tate generates another look! Creative vision worthy of a mixed martial arts fighter!
Luka DonÄiÄ uses the hesitation dribble! Scary good handles creating separation!
Break! Kobe Bryant grabs an ice bag and slaps it on his knee. Did you know Kobe Bryant started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
This potential GOAT Kobe Bryant converts in the paint! A reverse layup right on cue!
Deafening noise! Luka DonÄiÄ shoots and the building shakes!
Kobe Bryant finds the open teammate! This first-ballot legend making everyone better!
LeBron James, this global icon, has been building to this all game! At the last second!
Kobe Bryant, this walking skyscraper, carries the team to victory! MVP-level performance!
Andrew Tate and Luka DonÄiÄ form a tunnel for LeBron James to crawl through. Too tall. Gets stuck. I spent this game nervously chewing gum. I'm on my seventh piece. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Matchday 6 ā vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
116-86 (W)
This guy everybody knows Luka DonÄiÄ comes out firing! A sky hook in the first minute!
Jeffrey Dahmer scores a free throw in a Playoff atmosphere! Their service rifle vibes radiating across the court!
Andrew Tate blocks it and keeps it in play! Heads-up play, what awareness!
LeBron James, this titan, finds the rolling big man! A finger roll off the assist!
This first-ballot legend LeBron James adjusts the angle mid-drive! Eyes in the back of the head body control!
Halftime! Jeffrey Dahmer has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Rumor has it Jeffrey Dahmer tried to recruit the pizza delivery guy for the team. The guy was 6'9". The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Andrew Tate hits the pull-up jumper! The elevation of a mixed martial arts fighter lifting the mouth guard!
This all-time great LeBron James has the arena rocking! A roaring arena off the charts!
Andrew Tate drives the outlet to the young player! This guy everybody knows building the future!
Kobe Bryant goes to work like a player possessed! Ridiculous creativity unleashed!
This multi-time All-Star Jeffrey Dahmer raises the arms! The win is in the books! A slide across the hardwood!
Andrew Tate makes a heart with his hands toward the camera. Luka DonÄiÄ makes a bigger heart. LeBron James makes a massive heart. Tonight my voice traveled three octaves. Baritone to soprano. Basketball does that to you. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 7 ā vs Toronto Border-Patrol
115-97 (W)
Kobe Bryant lets fly with energy from the opening whistle! This guy with rings on every finger locked in!
LeBron James attacks facing the rim and finishes with a double-clutch layup! Too good!
Jeffrey Dahmer rotates beautifully! Spinning with precision worthy of their service rifle!
This once-in-a-lifetime player LeBron James with the behind-the-back dish! Highlight-reel pass!
Andrew Tate sets up the play three passes ahead! Three moves ahead, like a mixed martial arts fighter at work!
Break. Andrew Tate collapses next to the vending machine. I've been told Andrew Tate once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
Luka DonÄiÄ, this world-class player, with the exclamation-point deep three! Game changer!
A standing ovation as LeBron James, this big fella, is introduced! Goosebumps!
Kobe Bryant fires away the orange with patience! This first-ballot legend trusting the system!
This is the Luka DonÄiÄ game! This bonafide star taking over in the closing moments!
Luka DonÄiÄ pumps the fist as the buzzer goes! This max-contract guy savors the win!
LeBron James does the robot at center court while Luka DonÄiÄ pretends to be an airplane. The crowd loves it. During the third quarter, I spilled my soup. Yes, I had soup in the booth. Don't judge. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Matchday 8 ā vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
107-83 (W)
Jeffrey Dahmer steps onto the gym! From defending the front line to this, game time!
Jeffrey Dahmer pours it in! A soldier who never wastes anything never wastes a shot!
Andrew Tate a drawn charge with authority! This swiss-army-knife type protecting the paint!
Luka DonÄiÄ with the no-look pass! This max-contract guy has eyes in the back of the head!
This living legend Kobe Bryant attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
Halftime whistle. Kobe Bryant flops into the first available chair. Anecdote: Kobe Bryant fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
LeBron James dishes past the defense for a fadeaway jumper! Size advantage from this this absolute unit!
Kobe Bryant, this walking skyscraper, commands a boiling cauldron! The arena belongs to this first-ballot legend!
Jeffrey Dahmer steps back the Wilson into the right hands! This All-Star caliber talent quarterback!
Every time Andrew Tate touches the pill, you see the discipline of the mouth guard!
Andrew Tate walks off the den victorious! A mixed martial arts fighter who conquered it all tonight!
Kobe Bryant hits a dab in 2026. Luka DonÄiÄ does an ironic dab. LeBron James has no idea what that is. Evening confession: I'm wearing Kobe Bryant's jersey under my shirt. For morale. Thanks for being here. Now put down the remote, it's time for 'Wheel of Misfortune.'
Matchday 9 ā vs Houston Blast-Off
102-99 (W)
And we're underway! LeBron James touches the orange first! This absolute legend looks eager!
This basketball god Kobe Bryant forces the bad pass! Eyes in the back of the head creating turnovers!
This reliable star Andrew Tate whiffs on a double-clutch layup! The crowd groans!
Jeffrey Dahmer, this swiss-army-knife type, takes over from downtown. A layup! That's elite!
Luka DonÄiÄ, this world-class player, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
Halftime whistle. LeBron James spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. They say LeBron James has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
Kobe Bryant, this tree of a man, comes up big! A devastating dunk in after a timeout! Legend!
LeBron James reads the play and picks off the pass! Transition opportunity!
The arena trembles! LeBron James with the play and an electric crowd follows!
LeBron James dishes and drills it! On the decisive possession! An unmatched feel for the game under pressure!
Andrew Tate gets the post-game interview! 'It's like dismantling the opponent's guard,' they say!
Kobe Bryant slides across the court in his socks while Luka DonÄiÄ splashes water on everyone. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 10 ā vs Denver Horse-Track
113-83 (W)
Tip-off! Luka DonÄiÄ gets us started! Let's go!
Kobe Bryant, this 7-footer, muscles in for a finger roll! Pure power!
Kobe Bryant with the bounce pass! This household name threading it perfectly!
LeBron James, this mountain of a man, uses strength and skill for a euro-step! Complete player!
Luka DonÄiÄ, this world-class player, shuts down the play from mid-range! Lockdown defender!
Halftime. Andrew Tate wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Anecdote: Andrew Tate lost a bet and had to wear the center's shoes during warm-ups. Size 16. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Andrew Tate converts in the paint! A bank shot with trademark iron discipline!
Andrew Tate, this combo guard, is toying with the opposition from way beyond the arc! Dominant!
Jeffrey Dahmer started defending the broken shot clock! Actually helpful!
Kobe Bryant pulls up and celebrates! A victory dance driving to the hoop! The crowd erupts!
Jeffrey Dahmer finishes with a monster stat line! Numbers a soldier would be proud of!
Jeffrey Dahmer runs to the coach and lifts the coach up. Not thrilled but smiles anyway. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. And now, a brand new episode of 'Desperately Seeking My Cat.' Good night, everyone.
Matchday 11 ā vs New York Over-Timers
86-108 (L)
This guy with rings on every finger Kobe Bryant means business! Fast start at the top of the key!
Jeffrey Dahmer, this combo guard, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Shaky emotions under pressure!
Jeffrey Dahmer rises up into a trap! Tendency to rush when reading the defense!
This guy everybody knows Luka DonÄiÄ bites on the fake! Beaten off the pick and roll!
This top-tier talent Andrew Tate with a vintage bank shot! The old magic is still there!
Cut! Halftime. Jeffrey Dahmer's jersey is completely drenched in sweat. Fun fact: Jeffrey Dahmer blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. Resetting the counters for this second half. Well, not really.
Jeffrey Dahmer drops their shoulders! Deflated, even a soldier's spirit has limits!
Jeffrey Dahmer bricks it! Not the same accuracy as defending the front line!
Luka DonÄiÄ sets the screen at the perfect angle! This reliable star cerebral play!
LeBron James is visibly tired! This undisputed superstar needs a timeout badly!
Kobe Bryant launches to the tunnel in disappointment. This first-ballot legend will learn from this.
Kobe Bryant takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Andrew Tate doesn't drink. Throat too tight. I got a text from Kobe Bryant after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 12 ā vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
99-125 (L)
Luka DonÄiÄ, this headliner, draws first blood! An and-one to start!
This bonafide star Andrew Tate short-arms a buzzer-beater from the left corner! Not enough lift!
LeBron James with the errant pass! This generational talent needs to settle down!
Kobe Bryant falls asleep on the weak side! Ego the size of Texas exposed!
Jeffrey Dahmer dishes past everyone for a deep three! This swiss-army-knife type on a mission!
Break! Luka DonÄiÄ heads straight to the bathroom moment he hits the locker room. Juicy intel: Luka DonÄiÄ turned down an endorsement deal because he'd have to wear a mascot costume. We're back! The players look fired up.
Kobe Bryant goes to work angrily after the turnover! This franchise cornerstone spiraling!
Kobe Bryant goes to work but overcooks it! Heavy feet showing up again!
Kobe Bryant drives to the weak side! This basketball god exploiting the rotation!
Andrew Tate is cramping up! This reliable star trying to shake it off! Tendency to force bad shots!
LeBron James fires away past the media. This all-time great not in the mood to talk.
Kobe Bryant sighs so loudly that the reporters hear it. Luka DonÄiÄ winces. I got a text from Kobe Bryant after the game. Just kidding. Nobody texts me. We're wrapping up the mics. Up next: 'Chopped: Tupperware Lunch at the Office Edition.'
Matchday 13 ā vs Boston Ring-Chasers
100-111 (L)
LeBron James takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
This first-ballot legend Kobe Bryant shanks an off-balance shot at the buzzer! That's uncharacteristic!
LeBron James coughs up the leather! Shaky emotions under pressure strikes again along the baseline!
Jeffrey Dahmer gets blown by! Even a soldier couldn't stop that!
Kobe Bryant fades away the orange with purpose! A catch-and-shoot triple! This generational talent means business!
Halftime. The doctor examines Kobe Bryant's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Did you know? Kobe Bryant once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. We're back! The coach drew stuff on the whiteboard, let's see if it works.
Jeffrey Dahmer gets a technical for complaining! Sometimes predictable game on full display!
Andrew Tate can't convert the open shot! Dismantling the opponent's guard is way easier!
This all-time great Kobe Bryant uses the floater over this tower coverage! Smart!
This once-in-a-lifetime player LeBron James can barely get up the court! Fatigue setting in!
Kobe Bryant, this all-time great, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Kobe Bryant and Luka DonÄiÄ walk side by side without looking at each other. The silence is deafening. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 14 ā vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
90-120 (L)
This all-time great LeBron James in the starting lineup! Let's see what this all-time great brings!
Kobe Bryant with a wild attempt! This first-ballot legend not finding the range tonight!
This multi-time All-Star Jeffrey Dahmer commits the 5-second violation! Clock management ego the size of Texas!
Kobe Bryant gets burned on the drive! Shaky emotions under pressure in lateral movement!
A thunderous slam from LeBron James! This absolute legend just keeps delivering!
Back to the locker room. Jeffrey Dahmer punches his locker. Quick anecdote about Jeffrey Dahmer: apparently he eats pasta with ketchup before every game. To each their own ritual. We're off again! The crowd chants the team's name.
Jeffrey Dahmer dishes and kicks the stanchion! This world-class player losing composure!
LeBron James, this undisputed superstar, sends the rock wide! The touch is off tonight!
Jeffrey Dahmer uses their size out there! The soldier has a built-in advantage!
This multi-time All-Star Luka DonÄiÄ signals to the bench! Needs a blow! Injury-prone body!
Andrew Tate leaves the gymnasium quietly! Quiet as a mixed martial arts fighter after the opponent's guard setback!
Andrew Tate punches his locker when he gets to the locker room. Jeffrey Dahmer slides down the wall to the floor. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. That's a wrap! Coming up: 'American Idol: Accountant Edition.' Singing, dancing, and spreadsheets.
Matchday 15 ā vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
85-125 (L)
Kobe Bryant dishes into position! This potential GOAT not wasting any time!
LeBron James with the off-balance buzzer-beater! This first-ballot legend couldn't set the feet!
Andrew Tate loses the leather! A mixed martial arts fighter would never be this careless!
This absolute legend LeBron James caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
This established star Luka DonÄiÄ can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Break. Andrew Tate's socks are soaking wet ā quick change on the spot. Fun fact: Andrew Tate tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. We're back! The players look fired up.
Andrew Tate forces a bad reverse layup! This guy everybody knows needs to trust teammates!
Kobe Bryant, this colossus, laboring up and down! Defense that's basically a suggestion draining the energy!
This jersey-selling name Luka DonÄiÄ with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
Luka DonÄiÄ, this walking skyscraper, sits down hard on the bench! Limited stamina written all over his face!
Andrew Tate wipes a tear! A mixed martial arts fighter who poured everything into the effort!
Andrew Tate pushes away the reporter's microphone with a gesture. Luka DonÄiÄ takes the interview and says 'not tonight'. Tonight I learned Andrew Tate used to be a soldier before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
My Team ends the season #7 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Luka DonÄiÄ.
Season Journal
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby!
Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Luka DonÄiÄ. Standing at 201 cm, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction.
And the most terrifying thing about him? It's not the stats, it's not the size, it's the calm. You know that moment where the arena is on its feet, the clock is ticking down the final seconds, sweat is pouring... And he's just chewing his gum like he's waiting for the bus? Then he loads up. And drains it. Stone cold. In front of 20,000 people on the verge of cardiac arrest. That's what a franchise player is: the guy who carries everyone on his shoulders and still makes it look easy.
Attention, things are about to get serious. Actually no, things are about to go completely off the rails. The front office signed Andrew Tate. The man is a mixed martial arts fighter. Yes, you heard that right. A mixed martial arts fighter. On a basketball court. With mouth guard in his gym bag and zero understanding of what a pick-and-roll is. The coach says it's a "bet on raw athleticism" but between us, I'm pretty sure he lost a poker bet. Andrew Tate had his first practice yesterday and asked if the free throw line was home plate. The teammates are dying laughing, the fans don't know whether to cry or applaud, and the GM was spotted updating his resume on LinkedIn.
The budget, let's talk about it. Or actually, let's not, because it'll make you dizzy. We're beyond the luxury tax, beyond the second apron, we're in a zone that even the league's tax accountants struggle to calculate. The owner burns cash like others burn firewood, and he doesn't bat an eye. Every season this team doesn't win the title is a financial scandal. The pressure is absolute, the talent is maximal, and the margin for error is zero. Welcome to the world of superteams, where failure isn't an option, it's a public humiliation.
My Team ends the season #7 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Luka DonÄiÄ.
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