My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 2 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | My Team | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 11 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Phoenix No-Defense | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 1 | 14 | 2 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby! Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Yao Ming on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 229 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them. His teammate told me something last week that gave me chills. He said: "When he's silent in the locker room before a game, I know we're about to destroy everybody." The man doesn't talk, he executes. He doesn't celebrate, he absorbs. And when the buzzer is approaching and the score is tight, everybody knows. The teammates, the opponents, the refs, the guy selling nachos on the upper deck. Everybody knows the ball is ending up in his hands. And it's ending up in the basket. Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Stephen Hawking is on this team. Stephen Hawking, who is a university professor and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with their lecture notes under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world. The budget is simple: it's not a budget anymore, it's a manifesto. The owner said "I don't give a damn about consequences" and he proved it. We're in financial territory that even Adam Silver didn't anticipate when he wrote the rules. Every extra dollar spent costs five dollars in tax, and guess what, they spend WAY too many extra dollars. The roster is an infernal machine, the bench is a thing of beauty, but the price is zero future. No picks, no possible trades, no plan B. It's the championship or a wall at 200 miles per hour. There is no middle ground.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
94-114 (L)
Opening possession for Adolf Hitler! First touch, like first touch of their service rifle!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this certified GOAT candidate, comes up empty! A scoop layup off target in the paint!
Stephen Hawking, this combo guard, telegraphs the pass! Intercepted from downtown!
Adolf Hitler gives up the back door! Tendency to rush when overplaying!
Adolf Hitler treats the rock like the front line and sinks it. Easy as pie for a soldier!
Finally a breather. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar has calf cramps, the physio rushes over. Little scoop: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. The players jog toward the court. The air is electric.
Anthony Edwards, this long boy, throws the hands up! Exasperated facing the rim!
This headliner Yao Ming misfires again! Lack of consistency could cost the team!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar identifies the soft spot in the zone! This once-in-a-lifetime player surgical precision!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this first-ballot legend, is dragging! The contest minutes taking their toll!
This max-contract guy Yao Ming leaves the gymnasium with head held high. Fought to the end.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar sits down on the hardwood, head on his knees. Stephen Hawking puts a hand on his shoulder without saying a word. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. We're out! And now, 'House Hunters: Broom Closet Edition.' Cozy open concept.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
124-87 (W)
Stephen Hawking locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a university professor who means business!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar scores with ridiculous creativity. A free throw off the pick and roll! Too smooth!
Stephen Hawking, this smooth operator, hits the cutter perfectly! Night-in night-out consistency right on time!
A floater from downtown by Yao Ming! This titan with the long range!
This generational talent Stephen Hawking reads the play and intercepts! Brilliant anticipation!
The players leave the court. Stephen Hawking clings to the tunnel railing. Locker room anecdote: Stephen Hawking talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. Back at it! The players jog toward center court.
Adolf Hitler, this guy with rings on every finger, with the exclamation-point deep three! Game changer!
Adolf Hitler and the garbage time lineup! This household name can rest easy!
This all-time great Kareem Abdul-Jabbar argues a call that went in their favor! Wait what?
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar attacks and moonwalks back! A chest bump! It's showtime, baby!
Final buzzer! Anthony Edwards is the hero! This up-and-coming baller with a game for the ages!
Yao Ming performs an absolutely ridiculous victory dance. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar imitates it. It's worse. During the timeout, I tried to do pull-ups on the edge of the broadcast booth. Zero. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
126-81 (W)
Anthony Edwards rises up onto the floor! The crowd roars for this respected competitor!
Stephen Hawking converts driving to the hoop! A university professor converting the young scholars into gold!
Anthony Edwards with the hockey assist! That extra pass, beautiful basketball!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar converts a tough bank shot off the pick and roll! Skill level: elite!
Stephen Hawking rotates beautifully! Spinning with precision worthy of their lecture notes!
Players head to the locker room. Yao Ming has tape on three fingers. Did you know? Yao Ming tried to become a rapper before basketball. The world dodged a bullet. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Adolf Hitler pulls up and scores! Those soldier hands work wonders with the Spalding!
Yao Ming with a showtime buzzer beater! This All-Star caliber talent enjoying every second!
Yao Ming, this towering presence, headbands slips over the eyes mid-play! Blind this big-name player!
This generational talent Kareem Abdul-Jabbar stares down the bench! A fist pump toward the bench after the big play!
Adolf Hitler exits to a standing ovation! The soldier with their service rifle earns it!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar performs an absolutely ridiculous victory dance. Stephen Hawking imitates it. It's worse. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
116-82 (W)
Adolf Hitler steps onto the field house! From defending the front line to this, game time!
This headliner Yao Ming with a picture-perfect scoop layup! The crowd goes wild!
This respected competitor Anthony Edwards with the wraparound pass! How did that get through!
Anthony Edwards, this well-respected player, drops an and-one from the right corner! Pure artistry!
Adolf Hitler picks their pocket! A soldier with quick hands knows how to handle thieves!
The players leave the court. Stephen Hawking clings to the tunnel railing. Did you know Stephen Hawking started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. The show goes on. Players take position. Silence. Whistle.
Stephen Hawking posts up and fires a scoop layup! This swiss-army-knife type lighting it up!
Yao Ming piles it on! A euro-step extends the lead! No mercy tonight!
Anthony Edwards celebrates with the wrong bench! This respected competitor red-faced!
Yao Ming, this oversized freak, does the shimmy! A hug with the coach! The arena goes crazy!
Yao Ming, this big fella, celebrates the win! A primal scream! What a game!
Stephen Hawking jumps into Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's arms without warning. They both go down. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. That's all for tonight. And now: 'Deadliest Catch: Rush Hour on the Beltway.' Documentary.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
118-98 (W)
This jersey-selling name Yao Ming means business! Fast start off the pick and roll!
Adolf Hitler turns the restricted area into a workshop. A devastating dunk crafted with their service rifle!
Stephen Hawking slides the feet perfectly and forces a miss! Unreal swagger in every step!
Yao Ming whips the pass cross-court! Assist! This mountain of a man seeing everything!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this titan, uses the jab step to freeze the defender! Crafty!
The players disappear. Stephen Hawking has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Little secret: Stephen Hawking has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Stephen Hawking with an alley-oop off the pick! Using screens better than most pros!
Yao Ming, this oversized freak, gets the standing ovation! A sold-out gym on fire!
Yao Ming, this absolute unit, boxes out for the teammate! This bonafide star doing the dirty work!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this potential GOAT, answers every challenge! A killer instinct never fading!
Yao Ming spins to the crowd! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd! This top-tier talent gave everything!
Adolf Hitler and Yao Ming swap jerseys with each other. Makes no sense but it's the emotion talking. Your commentator broke his personal screaming record tonight. My throat is not thanking me. Thanks everyone! Up next: 'Ice Road Truckers: Uber Eats Delivery on a Rainy Night.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
110-102 (W)
Adolf Hitler sets the tone early! The soldier came to play tonight!
Yao Ming, this 7-footer, elevates for a monster tear drop!
Stephen Hawking with the strip! Snatched the basketball clean, that's a university professor with quick hands!
This certified bucket Yao Ming with the behind-the-back dish! Highlight-reel pass!
Anthony Edwards, this big fella, seals the defender for position! Fundamentals!
The locker room fills up. Adolf Hitler has already eaten three oranges. Fun fact: Adolf Hitler tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. Here we go again. The players have changed jerseys.
Anthony Edwards with the highlight-reel bucket! This respected competitor owning the moment!
The arena is electric! This All-Star caliber talent Yao Ming thriving in a cathedral silence!
Adolf Hitler syncs with the lineup! In sync like their service rifle and the front line!
This game belongs to Stephen Hawking! This certified GOAT candidate stamping authority from the right corner!
Adolf Hitler leaves everything on the den! Left it all out there tonight!
Yao Ming and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar freestyle a victory rap. Anthony Edwards does the beatbox. It's terrible but magnificent. During halftime, I tried to interview the mascot. It ignored me. I'll recover eventually. Thanks everyone. Up next: 'Survivor: Open-Plan Office.' Whoever makes it through the 5 PM meeting wins.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
111-100 (W)
Adolf Hitler stretches center court! Loosening up, the soldier is getting ready!
Stephen Hawking, this versatile guy, muscles in for a buzzer-beater! Pure power!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Adolf Hitler with a surgical steal under the basket! Intimidating!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this generational talent, sets the table back to the basket! Assist master!
Anthony Edwards reads the defense perfectly! Freakish explosiveness and a sky-high basketball IQ!
The players file out. Stephen Hawking exchanges a tense look with the coach. True story: Stephen Hawking had his parking spot stolen by Toronto Border-Patrol's mascot. Still talks about it. We're back! The DJ cranks the volume, the players charge onto the court.
Yao Ming, this oversized freak, uses every inch to deliver a reverse layup!
Anthony Edwards shoots in front of the home faithful! A Playoff atmosphere! Beautiful!
Adolf Hitler sets the perfect screen! Built like a soldier who doesn't skip leg day!
This hall-of-fame lock Stephen Hawking has that look in the eyes! Watch out! A gym-rat work ethic!
Stephen Hawking dominates the box score! Numbers worthy of a university professor's the young scholars chart!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar mimes popping a champagne bottle. Stephen Hawking mimes chugging straight from it. Tonight I learned Kareem Abdul-Jabbar used to be a university professor before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
131-91 (W)
The game begins and Anthony Edwards is ready! You can see pure God-given talent written all over his face!
Anthony Edwards knocks down a sky hook at half court! Ice in the veins!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar with the skip pass! Assist leads to an open alley-oop!
Adolf Hitler pulls off a scoop layup out of nowhere! Was that basketball or soldier magic? Unbelievable!
This guy with rings on every finger Stephen Hawking comes up with a massive steal! Transition time!
The players leave the court. Yao Ming clings to the tunnel railing. I've been told Yao Ming always puts his left shoe on first. The one day he switched, gave up 40 points. Back in action! The coach got the message across.
Yao Ming pulls up and drills a scoop layup! Can't teach that!
Anthony Edwards pulls up to yet another easy bucket! The floodgates opened!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this potential GOAT, catches the damn ball in the face! Hands of stone today!
Yao Ming, this jersey-selling name, with the primal scream! A slide across the hardwood! Raw emotion!
Anthony Edwards hugs the coach! This guy with a proven track record with a complete performance!
Adolf Hitler blows a kiss to the camera. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar blows twelve. Yao Ming blocks the lens. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
91-117 (L)
Adolf Hitler, this hall-of-fame lock, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
The rim rejects Adolf Hitler! The rim says no! Even a soldier gets rejected sometimes!
Adolf Hitler loses the rock! A soldier would never be this careless!
Anthony Edwards gambles for the steal and pays the price! Heavy feet!
Adolf Hitler rises up with the precision of a soldier at work. And it's a finger roll!
Back to the locker room. Adolf Hitler punches his locker. Word is Adolf Hitler sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
Stephen Hawking waves off the play! The authority of a university professor in that gesture!
Adolf Hitler with the ugly miss! The soldier touch is absent tonight!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this tree of a man, positions perfectly for the offensive rebound! Next-level basketball IQ!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this franchise cornerstone, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
This established player Anthony Edwards stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this established player wanted.
Yao Ming lets out a nervous laugh that sends chills down your spine. Stephen Hawking decides not to comment. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. Off to bed! Or stay for 'Real Housewives of the DMV.' The line is around the block.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
118-106 (W)
And we're underway! Anthony Edwards touches the Spalding first! This hooper's hooper looks eager!
Stephen Hawking tallies another one! This university professor keeps racking them up!
Stephen Hawking rotates perfectly for the rebound in traffic! Pure God-given talent on full display!
Yao Ming reads the defense like a book! Assist from the right corner! Next-level basketball IQ!
This headliner Yao Ming with the savvy veteran play! Unreal swagger experience showing!
Halftime whistle. Stephen Hawking has dried blood on his elbow but plays tough. Anecdote of the day: Stephen Hawking forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar drains an off-balance shot from back to the basket! Textbook scary good handles!
The halftime tribute to Stephen Hawking's university professor journey! The young scholars to a finger roll!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this franchise cornerstone, rotates on defense! Next-level basketball IQ team commitment!
This all-time great Adolf Hitler embraces the pressure! This is what greatness looks like!
This generational talent Kareem Abdul-Jabbar seals the deal! Victory with night-in night-out consistency!
Adolf Hitler and Anthony Edwards cradle the game ball like a baby. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar takes a photo. Behind the scenes, I learned Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was also a university professor in a past life. You can feel it in the game. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
104-101 (W)
Tip-off! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar gets us started! Let's go!
This established player Anthony Edwards forces the air ball with pressure! Suffocating!
This absolute legend Kareem Abdul-Jabbar with a rare miss along the baseline! Even the best stumble!
Adolf Hitler hits from downtown! Precision worthy of their service rifle at half court!
Adolf Hitler sets the screen with precision worthy of their service rifle! Tactical genius!
Halftime! Kareem Abdul-Jabbar checks his stats on the board and winces. Intel: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. Let's go, we're back. The crowd claps in rhythm.
Yao Ming, this giant, battles through contact for a free throw! Will not be denied!
This max-contract guy Yao Ming forces the bad pass! Next-level basketball IQ creating turnovers!
The crowd is on its feet! A Playoff atmosphere as Kareem Abdul-Jabbar takes the court!
Yao Ming, this walking skyscraper, scores the go-ahead! A floater! Heart of a champion!
Yao Ming, this tree of a man, takes the final bow! A team high-five! Dominant display!
Yao Ming slides across the court in his socks while Stephen Hawking splashes water on everyone. I drank so much coffee tonight I'm going to commentate in my sleep. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
100-101 (L)
This once-in-a-lifetime player Adolf Hitler gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
A free throw by Yao Ming! The building is rocking! This multi-time All-Star takeover!
This undisputed superstar Kareem Abdul-Jabbar commits the and-one foul! Shaky emotions under pressure in positioning!
Adolf Hitler misses the open look! A soldier never misses the front line... But misses the orange!
This guy everybody knows Yao Ming with back-to-back buckets! The lead is crumbling!
The players disappear. Stephen Hawking has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. They say Stephen Hawking has a ritual where he touches the basket post three times. If someone watches, starts over. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar can't hit the go-ahead! Tendency to rush when the lights are brightest!
Adolf Hitler posts up the towel! This generational talent showing injury-prone body!
The heart of a soldier beats in Adolf Hitler's chest,the front line forged this warrior!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, this first-ballot legend, air-balls in the second half! The crowd is stunned!
Adolf Hitler refuses to make excuses! A soldier owns the front line failures too!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar presses his forehead against the tunnel glass. Adolf Hitler walks right past without noticing. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Adolf Hitler. Good evening! Coming up: 'Dancing with the Stars: My Cousin's Wedding Edition.' Open bar.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
120-104 (W)
This certified GOAT candidate Kareem Abdul-Jabbar comes out aggressive! Opens with a half-court heave from way beyond the arc!
Adolf Hitler hooks it in! The arc of a soldier swinging their service rifle!
This franchise guy Yao Ming takes the charge at half court! Gutsy play!
Stephen Hawking unlocks the defense! Picked it apart like a university professor on a mission!
This seasoned vet Anthony Edwards uses the floater over this beanpole coverage! Smart!
The players leave the court. Stephen Hawking clings to the tunnel railing. Intel: Stephen Hawking asked Boston Ring-Chasers for their energy drink recipe. They refused. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
Stephen Hawking, this versatile guy, overpowers for a free throw! Size matters!
The arena trembles! Anthony Edwards with the play and wild stands follows!
Yao Ming, this tower, repositions on defense! Unreal swagger collective effort!
Adolf Hitler's journey from the front line to a bank shot inspires a roaring arena!
Adolf Hitler soaks it in! Soaking up the moment, a soldier savoring glory!
Stephen Hawking drops to his knees and kisses the court. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar pretends to gag. Behind the scenes, the cameraman told me I was making faces during free throws. I had no idea. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
106-112 (L)
Yao Ming dunks into position! This elite player not wasting any time!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar shoots and fires but misses everything! Tendency to force bad shots tonight!
Stephen Hawking explodes carelessly and gets stripped! Another giveaway!
This undisputed superstar Kareem Abdul-Jabbar caught ball-watching! Backdoor cut for an easy score!
Anthony Edwards attacks from the right corner and finishes with a step-back three! Too good!
Well-deserved break. Anthony Edwards looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Little scoop: Anthony Edwards collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
This all-time great Adolf Hitler throws an elbow in frustration! Hot head on full display!
Brick! Stephen Hawking misfires from way beyond the arc! Ego the size of Texas at the worst time!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar uses the hesitation dribble! Next-level basketball IQ creating separation!
Stephen Hawking can't get lift! Legs heavy as their lecture notes after the 48 regulation minutes!
Adolf Hitler sits on the bench post-game! Sitting like a soldier after their service rifle broke!
Adolf Hitler watches the crowd file out in silence. Yao Ming prefers not to look. Tonight my colleague told me I smell like stress. I told him it was my cologne. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
100-94 (W)
The floor welcomes Adolf Hitler! The soldier with the front line has arrived!
Anthony Edwards, this mammoth, takes over back to the basket. An and-one! That's elite!
Stephen Hawking with a sky-high block! The reflexes of a university professor catching the young scholars!
Adolf Hitler lobs it perfectly! Arcing it with precision worthy of their service rifle!
This hall-of-fame lock Stephen Hawking attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
Halftime. Adolf Hitler wolfs down an energy bar in two bites. Exclusive info: Adolf Hitler is banned for life from the McDonald's near the arena. The details remain murky. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Anthony Edwards with the smooth free throw! This seasoned vet making it look easy!
You can feel wild stands through the screen! Stephen Hawking in the spotlight!
Yao Ming, this All-Star caliber talent, runs the play exactly as drawn! Execution!
Adolf Hitler told reporters: 'being a soldier and playing here, same fire!'
Adolf Hitler clocks out from the gymnasium! End of the their service rifle shift!
Stephen Hawking and Adolf Hitler carry Anthony Edwards like a trophy across the entire court. I tried to take a selfie with the court in the background. My thumb is over the lens. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Secret Life of Your Mailman.' Episode 47.
My Team ends the season #5 with a 11W-4L record. Season MVP: Yao Ming.
Season Journal
Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to what is probably going to be the most electric night of this season. The arena is packed to the rafters, there are people standing in the corridors, security gave up trying to control anything, and the DJ is blasting so loud the scoreboard is vibrating. We are here to talk about a legendary franchise. A team that has seen sacred monsters pass through, that has lived through dream seasons and nightmare years, that has rebuilt ten times over and always comes back with the same devouring hunger. The team with no name, baby!
Yeah sure, it's a team sport, we all agree on that. But when you've got Yao Ming on your roster, the word "team" basically means him plus four guys who pass him the ball. Standing at 229 cm, a first step more explosive than a rocket launch, and a fadeaway so silky that even the defenders applaud as they watch him score. Scouts had this dude flagged at 14. By 16, he was beating pros. Today? He's embarrassing them.
His teammate told me something last week that gave me chills. He said: "When he's silent in the locker room before a game, I know we're about to destroy everybody." The man doesn't talk, he executes. He doesn't celebrate, he absorbs. And when the buzzer is approaching and the score is tight, everybody knows. The teammates, the opponents, the refs, the guy selling nachos on the upper deck. Everybody knows the ball is ending up in his hands. And it's ending up in the basket.
Alright, we need to address the elephant in the room. Or rather, the comedy show on the roster. Stephen Hawking is on this team. Stephen Hawking, who is a university professor and doesn't even know what "pick-and-roll" means. The guy shows up with their lecture notes under his arm, shoes that are clearly not regulation, and the cardio of a weekend smoker. At his first practice, he tried a crossover and twisted his ankle. At his second, he attempted a layup and the ball flew into the stands. But damn it, what this man has is balls of steel and an ability to make an entire arena laugh without even trying. And that, my friends, is worth every max contract in the world.
The budget is simple: it's not a budget anymore, it's a manifesto. The owner said "I don't give a damn about consequences" and he proved it. We're in financial territory that even Adam Silver didn't anticipate when he wrote the rules. Every extra dollar spent costs five dollars in tax, and guess what, they spend WAY too many extra dollars. The roster is an infernal machine, the bench is a thing of beauty, but the price is zero future. No picks, no possible trades, no plan B. It's the championship or a wall at 200 miles per hour. There is no middle ground.
My Team ends the season #5 with a 11W-4L record. Season MVP: Yao Ming.
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