My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 13 | 2 | 26 |
| 3 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 5 | New York Over-Timers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | My Team | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Denver Horse-Track | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Phoenix No-Defense | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. The team with no name, baby! Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but Larry Bird is something else entirely. He's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. Standing at 206 cm, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This man feels the game. He knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. He reads passes like he's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery. I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it. The chef's surprise of the evening is Eren Yeager. A revolutionary by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the game with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him. Financially, this team is operating in another dimension. The salary cap? Never heard of it. The luxury tax? Paid with a smile. The owner sold two of his yachts to fund this roster and he'd do it again tomorrow morning. Every player on this bench earns more in a week than most people do in a year, and not a single one of them is here to ride the pine. This is a team built to win NOW. Not tomorrow, not next season. Tonight.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
101-110 (L)
Tip-off! Larry Bird gets us started! Let's go!
Brick! Stephen Curry misfires on the low block! Defense that's basically a suggestion at the worst time!
Kobe Bryant, this absolute unit, gets stripped at half court! Defense that's basically a suggestion exposed!
This guy everybody knows Tom Brady can't recover! Scored on along the baseline! Shaky emotions under pressure!
Kobe Bryant steps back past the defense for a bucket! Size advantage from this this absolute unit!
Break. Stephen Curry asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Little secret: Stephen Curry has a secret TikTok account with 12 followers. Posts cooking tutorials. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Kobe Bryant explodes and kicks the stanchion! This potential GOAT losing composure!
This multi-time All-Star Tom Brady misfires again! Shaky emotions under pressure could cost the team!
This bonafide star Tom Brady attacks the closeout! Driving past the over-eager defender!
Kobe Bryant grabs the shorts! This absolute legend is running on fumes!
Tom Brady penetrates to the tunnel in disappointment. This reliable star will learn from this.
Stephen Curry walks head down toward the tunnel. Larry Bird drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. I learned tonight that Stephen Curry used to be a revolutionary. That explains the unique running style. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
105-102 (W)
This bonafide star Larry Bird catches the rock early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Larry Bird, this reliable star, walls up at half court! Impenetrable defense!
An alley-oop from Stephen Curry goes in and out! Heartbreaking from downtown!
Tom Brady goes coast to coast for a two-handed slam! This multi-time All-Star is relentless!
Eren Yeager manipulates the defense! Manipulation worthy of their bare hands on the game!
Halftime whistle! Kobe Bryant grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Confession: Kobe Bryant calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Eren Yeager, this up-and-coming baller, keeps the team alive! A hook shot in overtime!
Kobe Bryant, this certified GOAT candidate, shuts down the play back to the basket! Lockdown defender!
The arena is electric! This jersey-selling name Larry Bird thriving in a Finals-like atmosphere!
This elite player Tom Brady with the heroic clutch steal! Preserves the lead!
It's over! Kobe Bryant delivers the goods! This guy with rings on every finger walks off a winner!
Eren Yeager launches his shoe into the air. Tom Brady catches it. Standing ovation. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. That's all for tonight! Coming up: 'CSI: Underground Parking Garage.' Riveting stuff.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
129-90 (W)
The game begins and Larry Bird is ready! You can see nerves of steel written all over his face!
Kobe Bryant, this living legend, drops a euro-step at half court! Pure artistry!
Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, finds the rolling big man! A euro-step off the assist!
This world-class player Tom Brady capitalizes facing the rim! A finger roll with an off-the-charts basketball IQ!
Kobe Bryant pressures the inbound! This undisputed superstar with relentless scary good handles!
Halftime. Larry Bird glances at his phone for two seconds and puts it back. Confession: Larry Bird tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Kobe Bryant scores with pure God-given talent. A euro-step in transition! Too smooth!
Stephen Curry, this reliable star, waves to the crowd early! The outcome settled!
Larry Bird high-fives nobody! This reliable star left hanging at half court! Brutal!
Tom Brady, this all-around player, gets the crowd on their feet! An ice-cold stare at the opposing bench! Electric!
Eren Yeager takes the applause! Deserved, for a revolutionary with their bare hands!
Tom Brady gives his headband to a kid in the crowd. Larry Bird gives his shoes. Stephen Curry gives his water bottle. The kid is overwhelmed. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
94-99 (L)
Stephen Curry, this smooth operator, announced to huge cheers! Palpable tension!
Larry Bird can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this bonafide star!
Larry Bird with the errant pass! This jersey-selling name needs to settle down!
This legit talent Eren Yeager gives up the offensive rebound! Sometimes predictable game when boxing out!
Tom Brady, this top-tier talent, operates from mid-range with a devastating dunk! Clinic!
Intermission. Eren Yeager dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Intel: Eren Yeager once called an imaginary timeout in the middle of a game. The ref actually hesitated. The buzzer calls the players. Time for the show, act II.
This established star Larry Bird gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
A buzzer beater from Larry Bird hits the iron! Defense that's basically a suggestion under the spotlight!
Eren Yeager executes a triangle offense perfectly! Precision learned as a revolutionary!
Eren Yeager can't get lift! Legs heavy as their bare hands after this ball game!
Kobe Bryant, this oversized freak, hangs the head. Tough loss despite insane court vision effort.
Tom Brady walks head down toward the tunnel. Stephen Curry drags his feet behind, shoulders slumped. My evening in one word? Epic. In two words? Epic and loud. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
107-97 (W)
Eren Yeager takes the court to palpable tension! The revolutionary with their bare hands is here!
Eren Yeager finishes through contact! Built tough from handling their bare hands!
Larry Bird with the full-court pressure! This headliner making them uncomfortable!
This multi-time All-Star Larry Bird exploits the gap! Dime to the corner for a pull-up jumper!
This franchise cornerstone Kobe Bryant recognizes the zone and attacks the gap! Genius!
End of the first half. Tom Brady is beet red but still standing. Did you know Tom Brady entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. Both teams return with fresh instructions from the coach.
Larry Bird goes to work the Spalding beautifully for a free throw! What touch!
Chants of 'revolutionary! Revolutionary!' fill the court for Eren Yeager!
This reliable star Tom Brady unites the locker room! Natural-born leadership captain's mentality!
Eren Yeager's teammates feed off the revolutionary energy! That confidence is contagious!
Kobe Bryant, this living legend, embraces the teammates! A finger to the lips to hush the crowd! Sweet victory!
Larry Bird climbs onto the scorer's table. Kobe Bryant joins him. Security is unsure whether to intervene. Final confession: I still don't know how to pronounce Larry Bird's name. Forgive me. Sleep tight! Coming up: 'Forensic Files: Who Finished the Milk Without Telling Anyone.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
118-102 (W)
Larry Bird dunks onto the floor! The crowd roars for this franchise guy!
Eren Yeager goes to work and scores! Those revolutionary hands work wonders with the damn ball!
Eren Yeager, this swiss-army-knife type, clamps down in the clutch! Elite a brilliant anticipation!
Eren Yeager unlocks the defense! Picked it apart like a revolutionary on a mission!
Larry Bird, this jersey-selling name, draws the double team and finds the open man! High IQ!
Halftime. Stephen Curry's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Staff confession: Stephen Curry is afraid of pigeons. Not 7-foot centers, no. Pigeons. Second half! The crowd is on its feet, and so are the players.
Stephen Curry, this solid build, overpowers for a layup! Size matters!
Larry Bird, this 7-footer, gets the standing ovation! A sold-out gym on fire!
Kobe Bryant, this living legend, communicates the switch! Insane court vision and vocal leadership!
Win or lose, Tom Brady has earned respect tonight! This reliable star warrior spirit!
This All-Star caliber talent Tom Brady secures the win with nerves of steel! Another one in the bag!
Tom Brady jumps so high from joy he nearly touches the scoreboard. Almost. Your commentator survived one game, four coffees, and a sandwich of questionable date. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
131-85 (W)
Tom Brady looks dialed in from the start! Iron discipline preparation showing!
Eren Yeager scores off the glass! Bank shot precision of a revolutionary!
Eren Yeager sees the floor! The awareness of a revolutionary scanning the game!
This player on the come-up Eren Yeager with a beautiful buzzer beater driving to the hoop! Poetry in motion!
Kobe Bryant picks the pocket of the ball handler! Straight robbery!
Intermission. Eren Yeager dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Did you know Eren Yeager knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Toronto Border-Patrol's colors. By accident, obviously. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Kobe Bryant, this colossus, showcases ridiculous creativity with a gorgeous free throw!
Larry Bird even the deep bench is scoring! Complete team effort tonight!
Stephen Curry shoots a full-court shot and almost makes it! This All-Star caliber talent so close!
Larry Bird, this guy everybody knows, with the primal scream! A team high-five! Raw emotion!
Stephen Curry, this versatile guy, takes the final bow! A hug with the coach! Dominant display!
Stephen Curry and Eren Yeager freestyle a victory rap. Larry Bird does the beatbox. It's terrible but magnificent. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Until next time! Up next: 'Life Unplugged: A Day Without WiFi.' A shocking documentary.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
96-107 (L)
Tom Brady opens with a free throw! This franchise guy making an early statement!
Kobe Bryant dishes but overcooks it! Defense that's basically a suggestion showing up again!
Kobe Bryant with a wild pass that sails out! This certified GOAT candidate giving it away!
Kobe Bryant, this towering presence, gets blown by on the perimeter! Ego the size of Texas in the legs!
Tom Brady blows past the leather with next-level basketball IQ. And it drops! Nothing you can do!
The locker room. Tom Brady sprawls out full-length on the bench. Locker room intel: Tom Brady has a tattoo of a basketball hoop on his butt. That's commitment. Come on, second half! The best is yet to come. Or the worst. Who knows.
Larry Bird mutters to himself walking back! This big-name player fighting inner demons!
Stephen Curry drives and fires but misses everything! Injury-prone body tonight!
Eren Yeager executes the delay! Patient as a revolutionary waiting for their bare hands results!
This multi-time All-Star Stephen Curry calls for a sub! Can't go anymore! Ego the size of Texas taking its toll!
Stephen Curry walks off in silence. This bonafide star gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Tom Brady claps his hands in frustration. Kobe Bryant clenches his jaw so hard you can hear it from here. Tonight I nearly had a heart attack at least four times. And I'm just the commentator. See you soon. In the meantime: 'Wipeout: IKEA on a Saturday.' Worse than the actual obstacles.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
102-99 (W)
This jersey-selling name Larry Bird comes out firing! A catch-and-shoot triple in the first minute!
Eren Yeager forces the turnover! Pressuring like competing the game under deadline!
Eren Yeager goes 0 for the quarter! A revolutionary having a rough shift with their bare hands!
Stephen Curry, this do-it-all player, takes over from mid-range. A thunderous slam! That's elite!
Stephen Curry pulls up the ball out of the trap! Night-in night-out consistency under pressure!
Buzzer sounds, halftime! Kobe Bryant walks head down toward the tunnel. Fun fact: Kobe Bryant is unbeatable at arm wrestling in the locker room. Even the center is scared. Tipoff! The ball bounces, the arena vibrates, we're back.
Stephen Curry, this reliable star, draws the foul with seconds left on the clock! Free throws coming!
Stephen Curry rotates perfectly for the ball recovery! Night-in night-out consistency on full display!
Kobe Bryant soaks in a cathedral silence! This potential GOAT living for these moments!
Tom Brady, this all-around player, muscles through for a catch-and-shoot triple in the second half!
This franchise cornerstone Kobe Bryant seals the deal! Victory with natural-born leadership!
Kobe Bryant and Tom Brady run circles around Stephen Curry who doesn't move. Zen. My wife texted me: 'when are you coming home?' I said 'after the game.' That was two hours ago. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
114-109 (W)
This franchise guy Tom Brady in the starting lineup! Let's see what this franchise guy brings!
Larry Bird rejects the layup! An iron-wall defense by this beanpole! Get that out!
Eren Yeager shoots an air ball in a packed arena! A revolutionary lost in the noise!
This all-time great Kobe Bryant punishes the defense with an off-balance shot on the low block!
Tom Brady steps back into the right spacing! An unmatched feel for the game and elite court awareness!
End of the first act. Eren Yeager is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Confession: Eren Yeager believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. The players are back. The court had time to dry, at least.
This franchise cornerstone Kobe Bryant drains the pressure shot! With seconds left on the clock! That's a superstar!
Stephen Curry blocks it and keeps it in play! Heads-up play, what awareness!
You can feel a boiling cauldron through the screen! Tom Brady in the spotlight!
Eren Yeager hits back-to-back shots! Rapid-fire like competing the game on repeat!
Eren Yeager has the last say! Final word from a revolutionary about the game!
Larry Bird takes a bow for the crowd. Stephen Curry bows to Larry Bird. The nobility of basketball. I spent the evening explaining basketball rules to my new intern. He still thinks you can walk with the ball. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
95-122 (L)
Larry Bird shoots with energy from the opening whistle! This certified bucket locked in!
Larry Bird with a rough floater from mid-range! Hot head at the worst time!
Larry Bird crosses over into a dead end at half court! Turnover! Tendency to force bad shots!
Larry Bird lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this bonafide star fooled!
This guy everybody knows Stephen Curry converts at half court! A free throw right on cue!
Halftime! Eren Yeager has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Intel: Eren Yeager refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. Back on the court. The crowd greets them with a standing ovation.
This All-Star caliber talent Stephen Curry shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Stephen Curry, this swiss-army-knife type, draws the foul but can't capitalize! Shaky emotions under pressure!
This league veteran Eren Yeager adjusts at halftime and comes out sharp! Adaptation!
Tom Brady, this do-it-all player, looks exhausted along the baseline! The legs are gone!
Kobe Bryant had the chances but couldn't convert. This first-ballot legend left wanting.
Stephen Curry walks in slow motion, arms dangling. Eren Yeager speeds up. Wants it to be over. I learned tonight that Stephen Curry used to be a revolutionary. That explains the unique running style. See you soon. And now: '911: My Cat Climbed on Top of the Wardrobe.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
103-106 (L)
This franchise guy Stephen Curry gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
What a play by Kobe Bryant! A buzzer-beater at the top of the key! This all-time great is cooking!
Eren Yeager overcommits and gets beat! Defense that's basically a suggestion when reading the play!
Larry Bird fires a finger roll back to the basket but can't connect! Defense that's basically a suggestion showing!
Kobe Bryant, this household name, with the gutsy play! Clawing back one possession at a time!
End of the first act. Kobe Bryant is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Locker room anecdote: Kobe Bryant talks to a sock called 'Assistant Coach.' We don't judge. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Kobe Bryant misses in the clutch! A catch-and-shoot triple off the mark in the first half!
This big-name player Stephen Curry can't believe the call! Arguing with the ref!
Tom Brady, this certified bucket, has the crowd in the palm of the hand! A boiling cauldron!
Stephen Curry lets fly and slips! Turnover in the fourth quarter! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
This certified bucket Tom Brady shakes hands and moves on. In the end, hot head proved costly.
Stephen Curry's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. Eren Yeager breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
113-95 (W)
This established star Larry Bird comes out aggressive! Opens with a reverse layup from the left corner!
Kobe Bryant, this household name, exploits the mismatch for a hook shot! Too easy!
This player on the come-up Eren Yeager with a commanding rebound along the baseline! Intimidating!
Eren Yeager reads the defense like a book! Assist at the buzzer! Natural-born leadership!
Kobe Bryant, this big fella, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
The players leave the court. Kobe Bryant clings to the tunnel railing. Fun fact: Kobe Bryant tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
A reverse layup by Kobe Bryant from way beyond the arc! An unmatched feel for the game in every fiber!
Stephen Curry, this combo guard, basks in a packed arena! This is home!
This established star Tom Brady swings the leather around! Night-in night-out consistency ball movement!
This max-contract guy Tom Brady is the heartbeat of this team! A play worth its weight in gold leadership!
Tom Brady, this certified bucket, soaks in the moment! Victory under the basket! A primal scream!
Larry Bird does a backflip. Well, he tries. Kobe Bryant applauds the effort. Tonight I lost my voice, rediscovered my passion, and forgot where I parked. A complete evening. Thanks for being here. Coming up: 'Forbidden Zone: Behind the Scenes of a Vending Machine.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
121-103 (W)
Larry Bird, this mountain of a man, sets the tone immediately! Natural-born leadership from the jump!
Larry Bird, this colossus, uses strength and skill for a finger roll! Complete player!
This reliable star Larry Bird anchors the defense under the basket! Nothing gets through!
Eren Yeager picks apart the defense! Dissecting every move with revolutionary precision!
This multi-time All-Star Larry Bird with the savvy veteran play! Iron discipline experience showing!
The players file out. Tom Brady exchanges a tense look with the coach. Little secret: Tom Brady listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
This jersey-selling name Stephen Curry finishes with authority! A pull-up jumper on the low block!
Listen to that roar! Stephen Curry dribbles and the place explodes!
Tom Brady, this smooth operator, boxes out for the teammate! This top-tier talent doing the dirty work!
Larry Bird, this bonafide star, answers every challenge! Ridiculous creativity never fading!
Eren Yeager seals the win! Sealed tight, the revolutionary gets it done!
Eren Yeager and Kobe Bryant form a tunnel for Tom Brady to crawl through. Too tall. Gets stuck. Tonight I learned Eren Yeager used to be a revolutionary before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. We're done for tonight. And now: 'Ancient Aliens: The True History of the Coffee Break.'
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
100-120 (L)
Eren Yeager lands the first scoop layup! First blood! The revolutionary strikes first!
This reliable star Tom Brady muscles up a sky hook but can't get it to fall!
Larry Bird throws it into the stands! What was that from this headliner!
Tom Brady scrambles but can't close out! Open look given up! Injury-prone body!
Eren Yeager knocks down an off-balance shot in the paint! Ice in the veins!
Halftime whistle. Stephen Curry spits into the trash can walking into the locker room. Confession: Stephen Curry believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Larry Bird glares at the scoreboard! This guy everybody knows not happy with the situation!
This multi-time All-Star Tom Brady shanks a sky hook from way beyond the arc! That's uncharacteristic!
Tom Brady, this big-name player, manages the clock beautifully in the first quarter!
Larry Bird is visibly tired! This established star needs a timeout badly!
Kobe Bryant, this all-time great, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Tom Brady mutters 'damn' under his breath. Stephen Curry says 'yeah' in the same tone. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Stephen Curry. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
My Team ends the season #7 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Larry Bird.
Season Journal
Get comfortable because tonight, we are about to witness something special. I can feel it. It's in the air, it's in the eyes, it's in the low rumble of 20,000 people who know they're about to live through a moment. The franchise about to step onto this court has seen it all, lived it all: legendary triple-doubles, buzzer-beating heartbreaks, 15-point fourth-quarter comebacks, and losses that shatter careers. But they're here, still and always, with that burning desire to tear everything apart. The team with no name, baby!
Listen, I've watched hundreds of players come and go in my broadcasting career, but Larry Bird is something else entirely. He's the kind of player who makes you jump out of your chair and scream "OH SHIT" at your TV without even realizing it. Standing at 206 cm, a wingspan like a pterodactyl, and a killer instinct that even the coaches can't explain. This man feels the game. He knows where the ball is going to land before the shot even leaves the hand. He reads passes like he's reading minds. At this level, it's not basketball anymore, it's straight-up sorcery.
I asked a former player what it felt like to guard him. He looked at me with hollow eyes and said: "It's like trying to catch smoke." Smoke, my friends. You think you've got him, you close your hands, and there's nothing there. He's already on the other side of the court drilling a three in your face with a little smirk. The kind of player who makes you want to quit basketball and open a bakery, because at least bread doesn't disappear when you try to touch it.
The chef's surprise of the evening is Eren Yeager. A revolutionary by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the game with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him.
Financially, this team is operating in another dimension. The salary cap? Never heard of it. The luxury tax? Paid with a smile. The owner sold two of his yachts to fund this roster and he'd do it again tomorrow morning. Every player on this bench earns more in a week than most people do in a year, and not a single one of them is here to ride the pine. This is a team built to win NOW. Not tomorrow, not next season. Tonight.
My Team ends the season #7 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Larry Bird.
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