My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 3 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 5 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 7 | My Team | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Houston Blast-Off | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 3 | 12 | 6 |
| 16 | Phoenix No-Defense | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby! Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Shaquille O'Neal. Standing at 216 cm, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction. The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins. The chef's surprise of the evening is Jesus Christ. A messiah by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the game with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him. Money-wise, this is solid. Not the penthouse but a nice apartment with a view of the playoffs. The team has the means for its moderate ambitions, which is already saying something. There's a go-to scorer, quality role players, and a sixth man who'd start on half the teams in the league. The owner keeps his hand on the wallet but knows when to open it. The danger? Settling for a second-round exit and becoming that team that's "nice but never dangerous." Tonight, they want to prove otherwise.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
87-109 (L)
Shaquille O'Neal, this certified GOAT candidate, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Robert Wadlow goes to work but the shot rims out! Tendency to rush rears its ugly head!
Robert Wadlow charges right into the defender! Turnover! Defense that's basically a suggestion when controlling pace!
Jesus Christ overcommits! Going all-in like a messiah on the game, but wrong!
Robert Wadlow catches fire! And it's a fadeaway jumper! Iron discipline taking over!
Intermission. Robert Wadlow dumps an entire water bottle over his head. Little scoop: Robert Wadlow tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Goku stares in disbelief! The look of a farmer who just lost everything!
Robert Wadlow, this world-class player, pulls the trigger under the basket but no luck!
LeBron James, this giant, posts up the smaller defender! Mismatch hunting!
This big-name player Robert Wadlow has heavy legs! The pace has been brutal!
Robert Wadlow, this bonafide star, takes the loss hard. Sometimes predictable game at the wrong moments.
LeBron James refuses Detroit Engine-Roar's handshake. Robert Wadlow offers a limp one with just his fingertips. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. Until next time! Up next: 'Kitchen Nightmares: Corporate Cafeteria.' This is gonna be good.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
106-88 (W)
Jesus Christ opens with a double-clutch layup! This franchise cornerstone making an early statement!
This All-Star caliber talent Robert Wadlow with a picture-perfect buzzer beater! The crowd goes wild!
Jesus Christ anchors the defense! Solid as a messiah's foundation!
This world-class player Goku finds the open man! Assist and a bucket!
Goku, this All-Star caliber talent, manages the clock beautifully in the second half!
Break. LeBron James collapses next to the vending machine. Did you know LeBron James entered the dunk contest... At 5'9"? Courage knows no height. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Robert Wadlow pulls up and drills a hook shot! Can't teach that!
The press box buzzes about Goku! A farmer with the seed dibber making headlines!
Robert Wadlow sacrifices the body taking the charge! This reliable star ultimate teammate!
Shaquille O'Neal, this towering presence, carries the weight of the team on those shoulders!
Final buzzer! Robert Wadlow is the hero! This multi-time All-Star with a game for the ages!
Shaquille O'Neal, LeBron James, and Robert Wadlow pose for a group photo at center court. Nobody has a phone. Evening confession: I'm wearing Shaquille O'Neal's jersey under my shirt. For morale. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
115-109 (W)
Goku, this guy everybody knows, draws first blood! A euro-step to start!
This franchise cornerstone Jesus Christ does it again! A reverse layup with effortless precision!
Shaquille O'Neal jumps into the passing lane! A defensive stop! Huge play!
Jesus Christ with the bounce pass! The damn ball bouncing with precision worthy of their bare hands!
Goku communicates the switch! Clear as a farmer's instructions!
The players head to the locker room. Shaquille O'Neal is sweating like a racehorse. Did you know Shaquille O'Neal started basketball because he was terrible at soccer? Sometimes failure leads to greatness. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
A devastating dunk by Jesus Christ! The crowd erupts! A gym-rat work ethic personified!
Goku penetrates and the noise is deafening! Immense pressure! Wow!
This undisputed superstar Jesus Christ unites the locker room! Natural-born leadership captain's mentality!
Two worlds collide: the game and the basketball, united by Jesus Christ!
LeBron James shoots the trophy! This living legend adds to the collection! A primal scream!
LeBron James and Jesus Christ do celebratory push-ups. Goku counts out loud. Definitely cheating. On my end, I discovered the arena's coffee machine was broken. The game nearly went uncommentated. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
112-100 (W)
Jesus Christ stretches center court! Loosening up, the messiah is getting ready!
LeBron James fades away and fires a hook shot! This oversized freak lighting it up!
This guy with rings on every finger Shaquille O'Neal anchors the defense on the low block! Nothing gets through!
LeBron James with the touch pass! This certified GOAT candidate barely had the Wilson and found the man!
LeBron James pushes the pace in transition! A gym-rat work ethic showing in every play!
End of the first half. Robert Wadlow is beet red but still standing. Anecdote: Robert Wadlow once shot at the wrong basket during warm-ups. Nobody has forgotten. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Shaquille O'Neal answers back with a thunderous slam! A gym-rat work ethic under pressure!
This franchise guy Robert Wadlow gets the crowd into it! Wild stands at fever pitch!
LeBron James, this franchise cornerstone, picks up the fallen teammate! A gym-rat work ethic beyond the stats!
Shaquille O'Neal has found another gear! This basketball god shifting into overdrive!
Shaquille O'Neal, this long boy, takes the final bow! A victory dance! Dominant display!
Goku pretends to plant a flag at center court. Shaquille O'Neal stands at attention. Yours truly survived this game without losing his voice. It was touch and go. Alright, good evening! Now it's 'Love Is in the Parking Lot.' Romance guaranteed.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
107-104 (W)
LeBron James takes the floor with that look in his eyes! He came to play tonight!
Goku picks their pocket! A farmer with quick hands knows how to handle thieves!
Shaquille O'Neal dunks and fires but misses everything! Ego the size of Texas tonight!
Robert Wadlow, this mammoth, glides to from way beyond the arc for a silky devastating dunk!
This first-ballot legend LeBron James recognizes the over-help and punishes it!
Well-deserved break. Shaquille O'Neal looks like someone who just ran a marathon. Anecdote: Shaquille O'Neal fell asleep on the bench during an exhibition game. Still got named MVP. We pick up right where we left off. Time to play.
LeBron James, this undisputed superstar, orchestrates the last possession! A catch-and-shoot triple! Perfection!
LeBron James, this global icon, shuts down the play off the pick and roll! Lockdown defender!
This franchise guy Goku draws the MVP chants! The crowd is on their feet for the star!
Goku converts the and-one in traffic! Tough as cultivating the stubborn soil in a crowd!
Jesus Christ embraces teammates! The bond of competing the game together!
Jesus Christ launches his shoe into the air. Goku catches it. Standing ovation. On my end, I ate peanuts through the entire third quarter. Salt is my drug of choice. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
117-92 (W)
This reliable star Goku gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Robert Wadlow rises up the Wilson into a sky hook! Freakish explosiveness shining through!
This top-tier talent Robert Wadlow with the no-foul contest from mid-range! Clean as a whistle!
LeBron James reads the defense like a book! Assist from mid-range! Insane court vision!
LeBron James fires away to the right spot! Scary good handles off-ball movement!
Break. LeBron James asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Little scoop: LeBron James logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. The players emerge from the tunnel. Stern faces, clenched fists.
Robert Wadlow, this mountain of a man, posts up and delivers a step-back three! Textbook!
Robert Wadlow blows past to an eruption! A Playoff atmosphere! What a moment!
Shaquille O'Neal, this big fella, boxes out for the teammate! This guy with rings on every finger doing the dirty work!
Goku brings blue-collar the seed dibber grit to the field house!
Goku sits on the bench with a smile! This franchise guy job well done!
Jesus Christ takes a bow for the crowd. Goku bows to Jesus Christ. The nobility of basketball. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. Good night! Up next: 'America's Got Talent: Mouth Noises Edition.' The judges are baffled.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
106-94 (W)
Goku locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a farmer who means business!
Goku, this smooth operator, overpowers for a bucket! Size matters!
Jesus Christ cuts off the drive! Precision of competing the game!
LeBron James penetrates the rock with precision! Assist at the buzzer! Floor general!
Robert Wadlow sets the screen at the perfect angle! This big-name player cerebral play!
Break. Jesus Christ asks the medical staff for coffee. Request denied. Little secret: Jesus Christ watches cat videos between quarters. Says it's relaxing. The players come back running. Did someone set the locker room on fire?
Shaquille O'Neal steps back past the defense for a reverse layup! Size advantage from this this tower!
The energy in this building is unreal! LeBron James channeling palpable tension!
This top-tier talent Robert Wadlow dives for the loose ball! Freakish explosiveness on every play!
The legend of LeBron James grows! This potential GOAT adding another chapter driving to the hoop!
This all-time great Shaquille O'Neal caps off a special night! A hug with the coach! Until next time!
Shaquille O'Neal grabs the arena mic and screams. Just a scream. Jesus Christ applauds. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
101-100 (W)
Goku gets the starting nod! A farmer starting with the seed dibber confidence!
Shaquille O'Neal digs in defensively! Scary good handles when the team needs stops!
Robert Wadlow, this beanpole, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this bonafide star!
This potential GOAT Shaquille O'Neal with a cold-blooded devastating dunk! No conscience!
Jesus Christ reads the defense perfectly! An off-the-charts basketball IQ and a sky-high basketball IQ!
The players disappear. Goku has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Intel: Goku refuses to play if the ball isn't inflated to exactly 8 PSI. Not 7.9, not 8.1. Eight. We're back! The players look fired up.
Shaquille O'Neal with the clutch rebound! This franchise cornerstone fighting for every ball!
Shaquille O'Neal pressures the inbound! This guy with rings on every finger with relentless pure God-given talent!
Vendors sell Goku-themed merch! Merchandise gold for this farmer!
Jesus Christ nails the pull-up on the final possession! Pulling up with the confidence of a messiah on game day!
Shaquille O'Neal lets fly in triumph! The final buzzer sounds! That's a W!
Shaquille O'Neal charges toward the crowd. Robert Wadlow catches him just before he dives into the stands. As for me, I powered through three coffees and a gas station sandwich. The glamorous life of sports journalism. That was beautiful. And now: 'House Hunters International: 90-Square-Foot Studio, Wall View.' A steal.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
109-97 (W)
The arena welcomes Jesus Christ! The messiah with the game has arrived!
An off-balance shot from Shaquille O'Neal! That's silky smooth technique at the highest level!
Robert Wadlow forces the shot-clock violation! An off-the-charts basketball IQ on full display!
Shaquille O'Neal, this tree of a man, drops the dime! Next-level basketball IQ passing on display!
Jesus Christ counters the press! Problem solved, messiah style!
Halftime! Goku walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Little secret: Goku listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Alright, it's time. The second half waits for no one.
Jesus Christ hooks it in! The arc of a messiah swinging their bare hands!
The crowd chants Goku's name! An incredible energy for the farmer with the seed dibber!
Robert Wadlow sprints back on defense! This bonafide star leading by example!
This bonafide star Robert Wadlow is the heartbeat of this team! A live masterclass leadership!
Goku posts career numbers! Numbers bigger than the stubborn soil inventory!
Robert Wadlow and Goku form a tunnel for LeBron James to crawl through. Too tall. Gets stuck. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
116-106 (W)
Shaquille O'Neal, this 7-footer, sets the tone immediately! Nerves of steel from the jump!
Robert Wadlow scores from along the baseline! An off-balance shot with ridiculous creativity! Brilliant!
Jesus Christ springs the trap! The messiah instinct is real!
Jesus Christ whips it cross-court! Covering distance with their bare hands range!
Jesus Christ schemes with the coaching staff! Plotting the next move, true messiah!
Halftime whistle. Shaquille O'Neal flops into the first available chair. Did you know? Shaquille O'Neal once signed an autograph for a referee. During the game. Mid free-throw. The arena lights up, the players are back. Game on.
This global icon Shaquille O'Neal goes to work at half court! A reverse layup drops beautifully!
An incredible energy fills the arena! This certified GOAT candidate Shaquille O'Neal feeds off the energy!
Shaquille O'Neal shoots the pick-and-roll to perfection! Chemistry on display!
This bonafide star Goku is living their best moment right now on the low block!
Final buzzer! Goku's farmer shift on the field house ends in triumph!
Goku and Jesus Christ lap the court arm in arm, singing. Off-key. During the break, I tried to juggle three balls. My cameraman filmed everything. It'll come out someday. That's a wrap! And now, 'The Price Is Right: Why Nobody Answers the Phone Anymore.'
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
104-110 (L)
Jesus Christ steps back onto the floor! The crowd roars for this certified GOAT candidate!
LeBron James dunks the leather into nothing! Tendency to force bad shots on full display tonight!
Jesus Christ with the bad read! Misreading the play like misreading the game!
Jesus Christ left in the dust! Even a messiah moves faster than that!
Jesus Christ with a euro-step on the break! Running like they're late for work!
Halftime whistle! Robert Wadlow slides down against the hallway wall. Little scoop: Robert Wadlow tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. Here they come. You can read the determination on their faces.
Goku slams the Wilson in frustration! Shaky emotions under pressure on full display!
This established star Robert Wadlow muscles up a devastating dunk but can't get it to fall!
Goku, this swiss-army-knife type, exploits the mismatch off the pick and roll! Smart play!
Shaquille O'Neal misses from fatigue! This once-in-a-lifetime player can't get the elevation at the buzzer!
Robert Wadlow, this oversized freak, hangs the head. Tough loss despite next-level basketball IQ effort.
Shaquille O'Neal's brow is furrowed, lips pressed thin. LeBron James breathes through his nose, hard, steady, trying to calm down. Your favorite commentator survived. It's not much, but it's honest work. Alright, good night! Up next: 'Planet Earth: Exploring the World from My Couch.' Immersive documentary.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
100-106 (L)
This all-time great Jesus Christ comes out firing! A reverse layup in the first minute!
Robert Wadlow forces a bank shot in the paint! This multi-time All-Star trying too hard!
Goku throws it out of bounds! Like launching the seed dibber into the void!
Jesus Christ gets caught flat-footed! This global icon beaten to the spot!
Robert Wadlow, this world-class player, operates driving to the hoop with a step-back three! Clinic!
Back to the locker room. Jesus Christ's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Fun fact: Jesus Christ tried to patent a celebration after a three-pointer. The application was rejected. Play resumes! The coach set a few things straight in the locker room.
Goku storms to the bench! Heated! This farmer doesn't handle losing well!
LeBron James, this oversized freak, gets the look but can't convert under the basket!
This guy with rings on every finger Shaquille O'Neal calls the audible! Changed the play and it works!
Robert Wadlow, this absolute unit, laboring up and down! Lack of consistency draining the energy!
This potential GOAT Jesus Christ stares at the scoreboard. Not the outcome this potential GOAT wanted.
Robert Wadlow refuses the coach's embrace. LeBron James accepts it but his body is stiff. On my end, I ate a hot dog so disgusting I'd classify it as a traumatic experience. Thanks for tonight. And now: '60 Minutes: The Secrets of the Office Coffee Machine.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
94-109 (L)
Shaquille O'Neal, this towering presence, takes the court! The boiling cauldron is electric!
A layup from LeBron James sails wide! This certified GOAT candidate needs to regroup!
Sloppy handling by Jesus Christ! Competing the game is done with more finesse!
Jesus Christ watches helplessly! A messiah watching the game fall off the shelf!
Goku scores off the glass! Bank shot precision of a farmer!
Halftime. The doctor examines Jesus Christ's shoulder while the others catch their breath. Little scoop: Jesus Christ collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Goku, this multi-time All-Star, yells at the coaching staff! Sometimes predictable game causing friction!
Jesus Christ misses! Even a messiah can't fix that shot!
Robert Wadlow, this headliner, times the cut perfectly! Backdoor for a hook shot!
This headliner Goku can barely jump! The springs are gone from mid-range!
Shaquille O'Neal reflects on what could have been. Defense that's basically a suggestion difference tonight.
Jesus Christ sits on the floor in the hallway. LeBron James sits down next to him. Nobody speaks. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. Good night! And now: 'Naked and Afraid: Lost in the Shopping Mall.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
91-107 (L)
Tip-off! LeBron James gets us started! Let's go!
Brick! Jesus Christ misfires from way beyond the arc! Ego the size of Texas at the worst time!
Robert Wadlow shoots into a dead end off the pick and roll! Turnover! Defense that's basically a suggestion!
Jesus Christ lunges the wrong direction! Fake had this once-in-a-lifetime player fooled!
Shaquille O'Neal converts a tough alley-oop driving to the hoop! Skill level: elite!
The players disappear into the tunnel. Shaquille O'Neal asks for an ice pack. Little scoop: Shaquille O'Neal collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
Jesus Christ looks to the heavens! A messiah praying for their bare hands to work!
Goku lets fly but it's well off! Ego the size of Texas under fatigue!
LeBron James, this long boy, sets a brick-wall screen! Eyes in the back of the head on full display!
Shaquille O'Neal bends over during the dead ball! This global icon gathering what's left!
Jesus Christ, this combo guard, trudges off the palace of hoops. Lessons to take from this one.
Robert Wadlow refuses San Antonio Skyscrapers's handshake. LeBron James offers a limp one with just his fingertips. My evening in summary: yell, drink coffee, yell again, spill the coffee, yell some more. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
91-121 (L)
Robert Wadlow looks dialed in from the start! Unreal swagger preparation showing!
This once-in-a-lifetime player LeBron James whiffs on a euro-step! The crowd groans!
Robert Wadlow, this colossus, gets the ball poked away! Ego the size of Texas when protecting the Wilson!
Robert Wadlow overcommits and gets beat! Limited stamina when reading the play!
Robert Wadlow strings together a catch-and-shoot triple at half court. Nerves of steel on full display!
Halftime! Shaquille O'Neal checks his stats on the board and winces. Little scoop: Shaquille O'Neal tried to bribe the DJ to play his song. The DJ agreed. Nobody liked it. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
LeBron James, this basketball god, barks at the teammate! Heavy feet taking over!
This max-contract guy Robert Wadlow puts up a free throw but it won't fall! Off night!
Goku iso at the top! Isolating the matchup with farmer focus!
Shaquille O'Neal, this franchise cornerstone, sucking wind after that sprint! The allotted time of battle!
This undisputed superstar Shaquille O'Neal leaves the gym with head held high. Fought to the end.
Shaquille O'Neal sits on the floor in the hallway. Robert Wadlow sits down next to him. Nobody speaks. Confession: I nearly fell asleep during the second quarter. The third woke me right up. See you at the next game. In the meantime: 'MasterClass: How to Fold a Fitted Sheet.' Gripping television.
My Team ends the season #7 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
Season Journal
Buckle up, pull your visor down, and clench everything you've got because tonight we are NOT talking about some pickup game at the park. Hell no. We're talking about an arena shaking so hard the neighbors called the cops three times before tip-off. We're talking about a franchise built on decades of sweat, tears, heart-stopping buzzer-beaters, and Draft picks so bold that half the league thought they'd lost their minds. And yet, here they are, back and hungrier than ever. The team with no name, baby!
Okay, let's talk about the boss. Because on this team, there's one alpha, and everybody knows it. Shaquille O'Neal. Standing at 216 cm, a body built for basketball, and a basketball IQ that borders on indecent. When this man catches the rock, defenders back up instinctively, it's a survival reflex. And they're right, because this guy can punish you from everywhere: from three, in the post, in transition, from the free throw line with his eyes closed. He's a damn 6'8" Swiss Army knife and he cuts in every direction.
The scary thing is that the more pressure rises, the more he rises with it. Fourth quarter, down by three, the opposing coach screaming, the crowd roaring... And he just shrugs, takes the ball, and nails a step-back three over three defenders draped all over him like it's a Tuesday morning shootaround drill. This is the kind of player you don't just build a team around, you build an era around him. And tonight, that era begins.
The chef's surprise of the evening is Jesus Christ. A messiah by profession. No, it's not a joke, it's an actual coaching staff decision. The GM nearly had a heart attack when he saw the signing, but the coach said: "Trust me, this guy can handle the game with surgical precision, imagine what he can do with a basketball." Spoiler: so far, not much. The man spent his first week confusing the free throw line with the sideline, and asked three times if tackling was allowed. But he's got a heart size of a watermelon, he runs around like an overexcited golden retriever, and damn it, the crowd absolutely loves him.
Money-wise, this is solid. Not the penthouse but a nice apartment with a view of the playoffs. The team has the means for its moderate ambitions, which is already saying something. There's a go-to scorer, quality role players, and a sixth man who'd start on half the teams in the league. The owner keeps his hand on the wallet but knows when to open it. The danger? Settling for a second-round exit and becoming that team that's "nice but never dangerous." Tonight, they want to prove otherwise.
My Team ends the season #7 with a 9W-6L record. Season MVP: Shaquille O'Neal.
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