My dream starting five — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 2 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 6 | New York Over-Timers | 10 | 5 | 20 |
| 7 | Denver Horse-Track | 9 | 6 | 18 |
| 8 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 9 | Houston Blast-Off | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | My Team | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 4 | 11 | 8 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 15 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Phoenix No-Defense | 1 | 14 | 2 |
Pre-season
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. The team with no name, baby! There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's Iron Man. Standing at 6 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face. The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around. Hold on tight because the next name is going to make you spit out your beer: Alexander Pushkin. Profession? Playwright. Yeah. The coach saw him on TV, called his agent (who didn't exist), and offered him a ten-day contract "to see." The guy showed up with their fountain pen, a ham sandwich, and bulletproof enthusiasm. At his first practice, he attempted a dunk and ended up hanging from the net like a cat stuck in a tree. The fire department came. Twice. But he's got heart, the man, and apparently the precision he puts into the gripping act could translate to mid-range shooting. We believe. Well, the coach believes. The rest of us broke out the popcorn. The budget? What budget? We're so far below the salary floor you could limbo under it blindfolded. The team accountant is the owner's cousin running Excel 2003 with no updates since the Bush administration. The jerseys are hand-washed by the intern, road trips are carpooled, and the last free agent who visited the facilities turned around the second he saw the locker room. But you know what? Character is forged in the struggle. And this team's got character coming out of its damn ears.
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
88-116 (L)
This basketball god Hulk in the starting lineup! Let's see what this basketball god brings!
Hulk fires a brick in the paint! Way off, even for a scientist!
Dexter Morgan botches the handoff! Even their autopsy scalpel exchanges go smoother!
Dexter Morgan loses the battle in the paint! Being a medical examiner doesn't help you here!
Dexter Morgan with another bank shot! You can't stop this man!
The players disappear. Hulk has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Did you know Hulk plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Hulk, this living legend, yells at the coaching staff! Heavy feet causing friction!
Alexander Pushkin can't finish! The playwright who finishes the gripping act can't finish the play!
Hulk positions perfectly in the left wing! Placement of their lab notebook on the hidden truth!
Alexander Pushkin finds a second wind! The playwright engine roars back to life!
Victoria shakes hands through the pain! A monarch who respects the scepter and the game!
Alexander Pushkin's eyes are red, jaw tight. Iron Man apologizes to the coach, voice cracking. I learned that Alexander Pushkin's father was a superhero. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
113-96 (W)
The temple of basketball welcomes Alexander Pushkin! The playwright with the gripping act has arrived!
Alexander Pushkin with the reverse layup! Creative as a playwright with the gripping act!
Dexter Morgan blocks the layup attempt! A perfect contest with their autopsy scalpel authority!
Iron Man with the no-look pass! Competing the game blindfolded!
Alexander Pushkin manages the clock! Time management of a playwright who never misses a deadline!
The players disappear. Hulk has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Anecdote of the day: Hulk forgot his shorts on the last road trip. Played in borrowed shorts two sizes too big. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Alexander Pushkin shoots from way beyond the arc with the same confidence they bring to crafting the gripping act.
Dexter Morgan's fan section holds up the cause of death! The medical examiner army is loud!
Alexander Pushkin lifts the bench's energy! Lifting spirits the way only a playwright can!
This absolute legend Victoria refuses to lose! The will of a champion!
Victoria dishes off the court victorious! This basketball god leaves it all out there!
Iron Man and Dexter Morgan freestyle a victory rap. Hulk does the beatbox. It's terrible but magnificent. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. Thanks for the game! And now, tonight's feature film: 'Fast and Furious 47: The Quest for a Parking Spot.'
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
117-104 (W)
Dexter Morgan checks in for the first play! Clocking in for the shift, let's work!
Victoria, this pint-sized baller, overpowers for a floater! Size matters!
This certified GOAT candidate Iron Man comes up with a massive steal! Transition time!
Dexter Morgan, this smooth operator, hits the cutter perfectly! Pure God-given talent right on time!
Dexter Morgan adjusts the tempo! Controlling the rhythm like a veteran medical examiner!
Halftime. Iron Man's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Small detail: Iron Man wears mismatched socks every game. Calls it a strategy. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Iron Man banks it in transition! A superhero's steady hand at work!
The crowd chants Iron Man's name! A Finals-like atmosphere for the superhero with their bare hands!
Hulk barks out defensive calls! The voice of their lab notebook echoes across the den!
Alexander Pushkin told reporters: 'being a playwright and playing here, same fire!'
This household name Victoria walks off to a standing ovation! A crowd fully behind them! Incredible!
Alexander Pushkin improvises an Oscar acceptance speech. Iron Man plays the imaginary violin. I spent this entire evening standing because my chair has been broken for three games. Nobody fixes it. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
105-88 (W)
Hulk, this undisputed superstar, wins the opening tip! Great start for the team!
Dexter Morgan fades away the pill beautifully for a bucket! What touch!
Dexter Morgan deflects the pass! Redirecting with medical examiner instincts!
Iron Man with the behind-the-back pass! Flashier than their bare hands at work!
Dexter Morgan makes the right read! Saw it coming a mile away, true medical examiner!
The locker room. Hulk sprawls out full-length on the bench. Rumor has it Hulk talks to his basketball in the locker room. Nobody dares say it's weird. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
Dexter Morgan, this smooth operator, uses strength and skill for a half-court heave! Complete player!
Hulk feeds off a packed arena! The energy of a scientist fueled by the hidden truth!
Hulk glues the team together! Team-first mentality, pure scientist instinct!
Hulk crosses over into the record books! This guy with rings on every finger making memories!
Dexter Morgan finishes what they started! Finishing the Spalding like finishing the cause of death!
Alexander Pushkin climbs onto the scorer's table. Victoria joins him. Security is unsure whether to intervene. Yours truly held it together all evening without a bathroom break. That's professionalism. Thanks everyone! And now: 'Keeping Up with the Kardashians: Season 312.' They will never stop.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
115-86 (W)
Victoria bounces the rock pre-game! Getting that rhythm going!
Alexander Pushkin, this household name, threads the needle for a thunderous slam from mid-range!
Dexter Morgan, this guy nobody was talking about, walls up from the right corner! Impenetrable defense!
This once-in-a-lifetime player Hulk exploits the gap! Dime to the corner for a devastating dunk!
Iron Man executes a horns set perfectly! Precision learned as a superhero!
The players disappear. Dexter Morgan has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Anecdote: Dexter Morgan once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Both teams emerge from the tunnel. The second half can begin.
Victoria, this undersized spark plug, with a silky fadeaway jumper from mid-range! Smooth operator!
Iron Man, this household name, plays to the crowd! A packed arena is contagious!
Victoria picks up the assignment! Locked in, the monarch accepts the mission!
Alexander Pushkin is the protagonist tonight! This basketball god authoring a masterpiece!
Alexander Pushkin shares the credit! Team player on and off the court!
Dexter Morgan mimes popping a champagne bottle. Hulk mimes chugging straight from it. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. We're done! And now: 'The Voice: Office Karaoke After Two Beers Edition.'
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
86-118 (L)
Hulk comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the scientist means business!
Victoria goes 0 for the quarter! A monarch having a rough shift with the scepter!
Hulk, this versatile guy, gets called for the carry! Injury-prone body in ball-handling!
Dexter Morgan loses their assignment! Like losing their autopsy scalpel in the workshop!
Victoria throws their hands up! Like a monarch when the scepter breaks!
Halftime. Alexander Pushkin's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Did you know Alexander Pushkin plays better when it's raining outside? Even indoors. Go figure. Back on the floor, faces full of determination.
Dexter Morgan can't buy a shot! Wouldn't happen with the cause of death, a medical examiner always hits!
Iron Man is running on fumes! The superhero tank is completely empty!
Alexander Pushkin throws it out of bounds! Like launching their fountain pen into the void!
Alexander Pushkin vents at their teammates! The playwright who vents about the gripping act!
This undisputed superstar Alexander Pushkin tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Iron Man refuses the coach's embrace. Victoria accepts it but her body is stiff. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
115-102 (W)
Dexter Morgan steps onto the temple of basketball! From determining the cause of death to this, game time!
Dexter Morgan treats the damn ball like the cause of death and sinks it. Easy as pie for a medical examiner!
Dexter Morgan with the weak-side block! Appearing from nowhere like a medical examiner finding the cause of death!
Victoria threads the needle! Precision of the scepter through the realm's fate!
Iron Man calls the audible! Adapting on the fly, that's superhero mentality!
Halftime! Dexter Morgan walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Confession: Dexter Morgan tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Dexter Morgan fires away and scores! Those medical examiner hands work wonders with the damn ball!
Standing ovation for Dexter Morgan! The gym salutes the medical examiner and their their autopsy scalpel!
Victoria tips the rebound to a teammate! Selfless play from this monarch!
Tears in the crowd as Alexander Pushkin, the humble playwright, delivers on the decisive possession!
Iron Man seals the win! Sealed tight, the superhero gets it done!
Alexander Pushkin performs an absolutely ridiculous victory dance. Iron Man imitates it. It's worse. Tonight I learned Alexander Pushkin used to be a superhero before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. Thanks for watching. Coming up: '48 Hours: The Secret Life of Roundabouts.' Essential viewing.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
96-101 (L)
Victoria locks eyes with the opponent! The stare of a monarch who means business!
Victoria forces a bucket at half court! This all-time great trying too hard!
Turnover by Hulk! Discoverring the hidden truth requires less coordination, clearly!
Dexter Morgan left in the dust! Even a medical examiner moves faster than that!
This living legend Victoria erupts for a scoop layup! The floodgates are open!
The players disappear. Victoria has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Did you know? Victoria has a personal mini-fridge in the locker room. Nobody knows what's inside. Back to business. The players bounce around to warm up.
Victoria crosses over and kicks the stanchion! This franchise cornerstone losing composure!
Victoria misfires again! Having the realm's fate-shaped night!
Alexander Pushkin reads the defense like a book! Perfect play call from this playwright!
Alexander Pushkin mops their face! Sweating more than when crafting the gripping act!
Victoria launches past the media. This all-time great not in the mood to talk.
Victoria mutters while walking out. Alexander Pushkin watches from the corner of his eye, worried. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. Good evening! Now: 'Destination Unknown: The Roundabout in Scranton, PA.' Total adventure.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
97-94 (W)
This first-ballot legend Iron Man comes out firing! An alley-oop in the first minute!
Dexter Morgan cuts off the drive! Precision of determining the cause of death!
Alexander Pushkin, this solid build, bobbles the rock and the chance evaporates from mid-range!
This raw talent Dexter Morgan with a beautiful sky hook back to the basket! Poetry in motion!
Victoria attacks to the right spot! Scary good handles off-ball movement!
End of the first act. Victoria is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Juicy intel: Victoria turned down an endorsement deal because she'd have to wear a mascot costume. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Dexter Morgan, this swiss-army-knife type, comes up big! A deep three in the money time! Legend!
Iron Man rotates beautifully! Spinning with precision worthy of their bare hands!
This guy with rings on every finger Hulk turns the hostile crowd into stunned silence!
Iron Man owns the first quarter! Running this game like it's their superhero shift!
Alexander Pushkin hugs the coach! This household name with a complete performance!
Iron Man hits a dab in 2026. Alexander Pushkin does an ironic dab. Victoria has no idea what that is. During the game, I got a text from my mom: 'Stop yelling, I can hear you from here.' She lives 120 miles away. Thanks for watching this game. And now: 'Deal or No Deal: Office Fridge Edition.'
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
87-112 (L)
Hulk starts in the sixth man! Playing the sixth man the way a scientist plays with their lab notebook!
Off the mark for Iron Man! Great superhero, not so great at basketball tonight!
Dexter Morgan dribbles it off their foot! Their autopsy scalpel would never betray a medical examiner like that!
Alexander Pushkin gets blown by! Even a playwright couldn't stop that!
Victoria finishes the fast break! Sprinting like a monarch who's running late!
The players disappear. Alexander Pushkin has a makeshift neck brace out of a towel. Did you know Alexander Pushkin once tried to start an ASMR podcast of sneaker squeaks on the hardwood? One episode. Deleted. We resume. Eyes locked in, jaws clenched.
Victoria storms to the bench! Heated! This monarch doesn't handle losing well!
Victoria can't buy a bucket! Another miss in transition! Frustrating!
Iron Man triggers the fast break! Launching the offense with superhero urgency!
Alexander Pushkin, this generational talent, making mistakes from exhaustion! The body is failing!
Dexter Morgan consoles teammates! The heart of a medical examiner in that moment!
Iron Man's face is locked shut, zero emotion. Victoria hides her eyes under a towel. I learned backstage that Victoria also does superhero on weekends. That explains those reflexes. That's all! Coming up: 'Hotel Hell: Airbnb With No Lock Edition.' Chills guaranteed.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
101-105 (L)
The game begins and Hulk is ready! You can see a killer instinct written all over his face!
Victoria with a scoop layup on the break! Running like they're late for work!
Iron Man fouls trying to recover! Desperate as a superhero chasing the game!
This certified GOAT candidate Iron Man short-arms a two-handed slam under the basket! Not enough lift!
This basketball god Alexander Pushkin draws the charge! Momentum swinging off the pick and roll!
Halftime whistle! Victoria grabs a towel and collapses on the bench. Bus driver's confession: Victoria raps gibberish during road trips. Loudly. The players step onto the hardwood once more. The second half starts now.
Iron Man can't handle the pressure! This household name folds at the last second!
Hulk lets fly the towel! This undisputed superstar showing tendency to rush!
Victoria, this undersized dog, embodies the spirit of competition! What a show!
Victoria fires away but can't score in overtime! Opportunity lost!
Iron Man walks off in silence. This basketball god gave it all but it wasn't enough.
Dexter Morgan refuses New York Over-Timers's handshake. Iron Man offers a limp one with just his fingertips. Fun fact: my driver has been waiting in the parking lot for an hour. He's sent me 14 messages. Good evening! Up next: 'Criminal Minds: Finding the Colleague Who Steals Yogurt from the Fridge.'
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
83-114 (L)
Victoria, this little firecracker, is introduced and the arena explodes! This basketball god is in the building!
Victoria misses the triple! Three-pointers aren't like triple-checking the realm's fate!
Iron Man coughs up the leather! Lack of consistency strikes again at half court!
Alexander Pushkin gets crossed over! Ankles broken like the gripping act on a rough day!
Hulk, this versatile guy, shows negative body language! Sometimes predictable game creeping in!
Halftime! Alexander Pushkin looks in the mirror and shakes his head. Fun fact: Alexander Pushkin blocked a shot in the finals... And dislocated a thumb celebrating. Classic. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
Alexander Pushkin with a wild attempt! This hall-of-fame lock not finding the range tonight!
This first-ballot legend Alexander Pushkin signals to the bench! Needs a blow! Tendency to rush!
Victoria dunks the rock right to the defense! Costly mistake by this global icon!
Iron Man slaps the floor in frustration! Slapping harder than a superhero hits the workbench!
Victoria vows to come back stronger! Stronger than the scepter reinforced with the realm's fate!
Dexter Morgan chews his nails on the bench. Hulk stares at his shoes like they're the source of the problem. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Off to bed! And now: 'Jeopardy: Cafeteria Trivia Edition.'
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
87-104 (L)
Tip-off! Hulk gets us started! Let's go!
Victoria, this generational talent, comes up empty! A free throw off target in the paint!
Alexander Pushkin commits the live-ball turnover! Their fountain pen would be ashamed!
Iron Man, this lightning-quick little man, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over lack of consistency!
This franchise cornerstone Iron Man converts in the paint! A free throw right on cue!
Back to the locker room. Hulk's shorts are torn but he couldn't care less. Word is Hulk sleeps with his basketball shoes on. I can't confirm it, but the source is reliable. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Dexter Morgan kicks the air! The frustration of a medical examiner who knows they can do better!
Iron Man with the ugly miss! The superhero touch is absent tonight!
Victoria, this low-to-the-ground speedster, seals the defender for position! Fundamentals!
Victoria can barely run! This ball game harder than this ball game of decreing the realm's fate!
This undisputed superstar Iron Man shakes hands and moves on. In the end, ego the size of Texas proved costly.
Alexander Pushkin closes his eyes walking out. Iron Man keeps his wide open, fixed, empty. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. Good night everyone! And now, the show nobody asked for: 'Pigeon Hunters.'
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
94-119 (L)
Dexter Morgan takes the court to a boiling cauldron! The medical examiner with their autopsy scalpel is here!
Alexander Pushkin shoots an air ball in a sold-out gym on fire! A playwright lost in the noise!
Dexter Morgan forces the pass! Forcing their autopsy scalpel where it doesn't fit!
Alexander Pushkin overcommits! Going all-in like a playwright on the gripping act, but wrong!
Hulk, this basketball god, with the exclamation-point thunderous slam! Game changer!
Halftime. Victoria glances at her phone for two seconds and puts it back. Did you know Victoria keeps a photo of her dog in her right shoe? It's a Bichon. There they are. The coach must have found the right words.
This franchise cornerstone Hulk throws an elbow in frustration! Occasional mental lapses on full display!
Alexander Pushkin dunks but the shot rims out! Limited stamina rears its ugly head!
Dexter Morgan schemes with the coaching staff! Plotting the next move, true medical examiner!
Dexter Morgan is gassed! More tired than after a full day of determining the cause of death!
Victoria, this absolute legend, takes the loss hard. Lack of consistency at the wrong moments.
Victoria hurls her mouthguard into the trash. Hulk keeps his in, chewing on the frustration. On my end, I ate three chocolate bars during the timeouts. Sports make you hungry, even in the booth. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
83-128 (L)
Victoria, this hall-of-fame lock, draws first blood! A deep three to start!
Brick! Dexter Morgan misfires at the buzzer! Defense that's basically a suggestion at the worst time!
Dexter Morgan charges right into the defender! Turnover! Tendency to force bad shots when controlling pace!
Dexter Morgan reacts too late to rotate! Lack of consistency on the help side!
This total unknown Dexter Morgan gets into it with the opponent! Tempers flaring!
Break. Iron Man's socks are soaking wet — quick change on the spot. Little secret: Iron Man listens to Celine Dion to focus. I repeat, Celine Dion. Back on the hardwood. The tension has gone up a notch.
Dexter Morgan can't convert! The medical examiner's touch with the cause of death deserted them!
Dexter Morgan is gassed! This raw talent bent over at half court! Heavy feet catching up!
Victoria coughs it up! A monarch's grip doesn't work on the Spalding!
Iron Man posts up away from the huddle! This all-time great in a dark place mentally!
Dexter Morgan looks at the scoreboard one last time! Numbers don't lie for a medical examiner!
Dexter Morgan bites the inside of his cheek. Hulk pinches the bridge of his nose. Fun fact: my sound engineer fell asleep during the second quarter. I woke him with an elbow. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
My Team ends the season #10 with a 6W-9L record. Season MVP: Iron Man.
Season Journal
Holy shit, the arena is erupting and the game hasn't even started. There are 20,000 absolute maniacs on their feet chanting the name of a franchise with more scars than a retired boxer. Seasons of domination, seasons of total demolition, insane 3 AM trades, Draft picks that smelled like either genius or pure madness, nobody knew at the time, and honestly sometimes we still don't. But tonight, all of that is behind us. Tonight is the present, and the present reeks of adrenaline and revenge. The team with no name, baby!
There's one guy on this team who scares the living hell out of everyone. Opponents, coaches, referees, even his own teammates sometimes. That's Iron Man. Standing at 6 cm, shoulders like a linebacker, and a touch on the ball so soft it makes you want to cry. This damn player can drop 40 one night, grab 15 boards the next, and slap you with a triple-double night after just because he was bored. The kind of guy you want on your squad and pray you never have to face.
The worst part? His ice-cold composure. The clock shows 0.8 seconds, the whole building is holding its breath, the ball is burning in his hands... And he flashes a little smirk before draining the game-winner with sickening ease. He's the engine, the brain, and the heartbeat of that locker room. If he sneezes, the whole damn franchise catches a cold. Tonight, he's on a mission, and believe me, he didn't show up to mess around.
Hold on tight because the next name is going to make you spit out your beer: Alexander Pushkin. Profession? Playwright. Yeah. The coach saw him on TV, called his agent (who didn't exist), and offered him a ten-day contract "to see." The guy showed up with their fountain pen, a ham sandwich, and bulletproof enthusiasm. At his first practice, he attempted a dunk and ended up hanging from the net like a cat stuck in a tree. The fire department came. Twice. But he's got heart, the man, and apparently the precision he puts into the gripping act could translate to mid-range shooting. We believe. Well, the coach believes. The rest of us broke out the popcorn.
The budget? What budget? We're so far below the salary floor you could limbo under it blindfolded. The team accountant is the owner's cousin running Excel 2003 with no updates since the Bush administration. The jerseys are hand-washed by the intern, road trips are carpooled, and the last free agent who visited the facilities turned around the second he saw the locker room. But you know what? Character is forged in the struggle. And this team's got character coming out of its damn ears.
My Team ends the season #10 with a 6W-9L record. Season MVP: Iron Man.
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