shooters — basketball_team 🇺🇸
5 members · TeamBranch
Season Journal
Standings
| # | Team | W | L | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest | 15 | 0 | 30 |
| 2 | Detroit Engine-Roar | 14 | 1 | 28 |
| 3 | Cleveland Twin-Towers | 12 | 3 | 24 |
| 4 | Boston Ring-Chasers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 5 | San Antonio Skyscrapers | 11 | 4 | 22 |
| 6 | Houston Blast-Off | 8 | 7 | 16 |
| 7 | New York Over-Timers | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 8 | Denver Horse-Track | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 9 | Toronto Border-Patrol | 7 | 8 | 14 |
| 10 | Minnesota Ice-Wall | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 11 | Phoenix No-Defense | 6 | 9 | 12 |
| 12 | Los Angeles Nursing-Home | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 13 | shooters | 5 | 10 | 10 |
| 14 | Philadelphia Injury-Report | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 15 | Orlando Magic-Beans | 2 | 13 | 4 |
| 16 | Miami Heart-Attack | 2 | 13 | 4 |
Pre-season
Let's not beat around the bush: tonight is going to be one hell of a show. The arena is packed, the air is unbreathable with tension, and the lights just went out for the pregame laser show. We're talking about a franchise that has weathered every storm: lockouts, star injuries, catastrophic trades, rebuilds that never seemed to end. And they're still here, standing tall, with the same fire in their belly. This club is a survivor. And when survivors bite, they don't let go. Ladies and gentlemen... Shooters! If you paid for your ticket tonight, there's one reason and one reason only, and that reason's name is Manute Bol. Standing at 231 cm, marathon-runner cardio, and surgeon's hands. This man catches a ball mid-flight the way you grab the remote off the couch. Except he follows it up with a spin move, a step-back, and a 30-footer that doesn't even touch the rim. Nothing but net. Every single time. Like the basket is magnetized to the damn ball. But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's Jesser. A youtuber in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles their camera better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. Jesser has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat the algorithm and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning. The budget is fine, nothing more. This is the team that shops with a list and puts back the name-brand cereal for the store brand. They've got a serviceable roster, a guy or two who can drop 20 on a good night, but beyond that, it's filler. The coach works with what he's got, which ain't much, but he makes it work. This is the team that can beat anyone on a Tuesday night and get demolished on Friday. The textbook definition of "depends on the night."
Matchday 1 — vs Detroit Engine-Roar
75-120 (L)
And we're underway! Angry Grandpa touches the damn ball first! This seasoned vet looks eager!
Angry Grandpa denied by the basket! Even a firefighter can't pry it open!
Derek Fisher throws it away! Tendency to rush under pressure in the paint!
Jesser reacts too late to rotate! Tendency to force bad shots on the help side!
Jesser posts up angrily after the turnover! This unknown gem spiraling!
The players leave the court. Jesser clings to the tunnel railing. Exclusive: Jesser was caught reading a philosophy book on the bench. It was Nietzsche. The players are back. Some look fresh, others... Not so much.
A thunderous slam by Angry Grandpa from mid-range is way off! Tough night for this hooper's hooper!
Angry Grandpa struggles in the fourth quarter! The firefighter hitting the wall with the burning structure!
Manute Bol, this towering presence, steps out of bounds with the ball! Mental lapse!
Derek Fisher, this do-it-all player, sits down hard on the bench! Limited stamina written all over his face!
Jesser walks off in defeat! Even a youtuber's skills couldn't save tonight!
Jesser scratches the back of his neck nervously. Angry Grandpa has the look of someone who has seen things. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. We're packing up. Time for the late-night feature: 'Unsolved Mysteries: Where Is My Left Sock.'
Matchday 2 — vs Miami Heart-Attack
129-83 (W)
The hardwood welcomes Angry Grandpa! The firefighter with the burning structure has arrived!
A layup from Big Daddy Kane along the baseline! That's a certified bucket-getter!
This solid pro Manute Bol leads the fast break and dishes! Easy bucket off the assist!
Derek Fisher, this smooth operator, elevates for a monster bucket!
This up-and-coming baller Manute Bol forces the bad pass! Night-in night-out consistency creating turnovers!
Halftime. Big Daddy Kane's hair is completely soaked, like climbing out of a pool. Little scoop: Big Daddy Kane collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. Here they come. Fresh as daisies. Or not. We'll find out soon enough.
Angry Grandpa scores at will! A bucket along the baseline! This hooper's hooper domination!
Angry Grandpa mercy-rules them! Even a firefighter wouldn't be this ruthless!
This legit talent Manute Bol runs the wrong play again! Coach is beside themselves!
Big Daddy Kane, this solid build, takes a bow! A victory dance! This league veteran knows that was special!
Jesser daps up the opposition! Class act, on and off the court!
Jesser grabs Angry Grandpa and hoists him onto his shoulders. Derek Fisher tries to climb on too. It ends in a pile. I spent the evening standing up and sitting down every thirty seconds. My Fitbit is congratulating me. Good night! And now, 'The Bachelor: Stray Cat Edition.' Who will find love in this dumpster?
Matchday 3 — vs Orlando Magic-Beans
118-106 (W)
Tip-off! Derek Fisher gets us started! Let's go!
Derek Fisher, this seasoned vet, exploits the mismatch for a hook shot! Too easy!
Big Daddy Kane picks off the lob! Intercepting mid-air, pure movie actor reflexes!
Derek Fisher, this solid pro, draws the double and finds the open shooter! Scary good handles!
Angry Grandpa, this hooper's hooper, manipulates the defense with the eyes! Night-in night-out consistency!
Halftime whistle. Derek Fisher high-fives his teammates on the way out. I've been told Derek Fisher once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. Second half! The hardwood is about to shake again.
Jesser buries a pull-up jumper at half court! This newcomer is on fire tonight!
The jumbotron shows Jesser's youtuber highlight reel! What a career!
Jesser trusts the system! Trust of a youtuber trusting their camera!
Angry Grandpa bridges two worlds: the burning structure and an alley-oop, bound by passion!
Big Daddy Kane, this do-it-all player, takes the final bow! A chest bump! Dominant display!
Manute Bol runs to the coach and lifts the coach up. Not thrilled but smiles anyway. Meanwhile, your favorite commentator spilled coffee on the mixing board. Twice. Good night everyone! Coming up: 'Boot Camp: Supermarket Checkout Line Edition.' Discipline.
Matchday 4 — vs Philadelphia Injury-Report
103-91 (W)
This surprise package Jesser comes out aggressive! Opens with a deep three off the pick and roll!
Manute Bol goes to work to the rack for an off-balance shot! Can't contain this mountain of a man!
Angry Grandpa cuts off the drive! Precision of extinguishing the burning structure!
Derek Fisher, this all-around player, with the pocket pass! An off-the-charts basketball IQ in tight spaces!
Big Daddy Kane dishes to the right spot! An unmatched feel for the game off-ball movement!
Halftime! Big Daddy Kane walks barefoot on the cold tunnel tiles. Confession: Big Daddy Kane believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
Jesser cuts and scores! Sharp as their camera, this youtuber!
Derek Fisher, this all-around player, basks in an electric crowd! This is home!
This guy with a proven track record Manute Bol claps for the rookie! Encouragement from this guy with a proven track record!
This dude putting the league on notice Angry Grandpa is living their best moment right now in transition!
Big Daddy Kane dominates the box score! Numbers worthy of a movie actor's the film character chart!
Jesser and Derek Fisher lap the court arm in arm, singing. Off-key. Tonight I learned Jesser used to be a youtuber before basketball. Found out during a timeout. Threw me off completely. Good night everyone! Up next: 'Worst Cooks in America: Boiling an Egg Without Breaking It.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 5 — vs Phoenix No-Defense
134-88 (W)
Big Daddy Kane opens with a hook shot! This established player making an early statement!
Jesser attacks under the basket and finishes with a finger roll! Too good!
Angry Grandpa with the outlet pass! Coast-to-coast assist! A gym-rat work ethic on that one!
Manute Bol scores with insane court vision. A buzzer beater driving to the hoop! Too smooth!
Jesser walls up in the restricted area! Immovable as their camera bolted down!
Heading in. Angry Grandpa's eyes are bloodshot from sheer effort. Confession: Angry Grandpa calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. Let's go. The arena rumbles, the players answer.
Manute Bol, this guy with a proven track record, reads the play perfectly and delivers a bank shot!
Jesser piles it on! A deep three extends the lead! No mercy tonight!
Jesser offered the ref some the algorithm advice! That's not how this works!
Big Daddy Kane blows a kiss to the fans! Cool as you like, a fist pump toward the bench!
Angry Grandpa walks off the den victorious! This established player owns this moment!
Jesser and Derek Fisher swing Angry Grandpa around by his arms like a carousel. He looks sick. Tonight I yelled so loud the guy in the next booth asked me to keep it down. Mid-game. This was your favorite commentator. Coming up: 'Extreme Makeover: Garage Edition.' Don't change the channel. Or do.
Matchday 6 — vs Los Angeles Nursing-Home
85-109 (L)
This player on the come-up Derek Fisher catches the Spalding early and goes to work! Opening salvo!
Big Daddy Kane can't get it to fall! Gravity treats the ball differently than the film character!
This well-respected player Manute Bol with a careless turnover! Gift-wrapped for the opponent!
Derek Fisher loses the screen battle! Lack of consistency around the picks!
The technical flair of Big Daddy Kane recalls their movie actor days. A hook shot! Sublime!
That's a cut. Angry Grandpa stumbles slightly reaching the locker room. Little scoop: Angry Grandpa logs every game in a notebook. With stars and smiley faces. At that age. Back on the court. The coach changed the starting five, that'll be a surprise.
Angry Grandpa, this seasoned vet, with the frustrated foul! Lack of consistency in tough moments!
Manute Bol fires a reverse layup at the top of the key but can't connect! Injury-prone body showing!
This name that's buzzing Big Daddy Kane switches defensive assignments on the fly! Eyes in the back of the head!
Angry Grandpa finds a second wind! The firefighter engine roars back to life!
Jesser takes the loss hard! Hard as the algorithm on a bad youtuber day!
Big Daddy Kane taps the tunnel wall as if trying to pass through it. Jesser walks through the door without pushing it. My evening? I spent it holding back tears. Of joy? Of exhaustion? Both. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 7 — vs Toronto Border-Patrol
109-107 (W)
Jesser steps onto the venue! From captivating the algorithm to this, game time!
This seasoned vet Manute Bol with the volleyball spike a crucial offensive board! Emphatic!
Derek Fisher, this swiss-army-knife type, can't finish facing the rim! That one stings!
A finger roll by Jesser! The crowd erupts! Pure God-given talent personified!
Manute Bol reads the defense perfectly! Ridiculous creativity and a sky-high basketball IQ!
Halftime. Big Daddy Kane is holding his ribs walking toward the tunnel. Confession: Big Daddy Kane calls mom after every loss. And every win. And also on Tuesdays. The hardwood awaits. Here we go for the second half.
Jesser wants the ball and delivers! A half-court heave in the second quarter! Clutch gene!
Manute Bol, this beanpole, swats it into the third row! A commanding rebound!
Jesser, this raw talent, waves the crowd up! A crowd fully behind them rising!
Big Daddy Kane with the biggest play of the game! A finger roll at the top of the key!
Final buzzer! Big Daddy Kane's movie actor shift on the gymnasium ends in triumph!
Angry Grandpa jumps so high from joy he nearly touches the scoreboard. Almost. Evening confession: I'm wearing Angry Grandpa's jersey under my shirt. For morale. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, it's 'Who Wants to Marry My Goldfish.' Good luck with that.
Matchday 8 — vs Minnesota Ice-Wall
111-114 (L)
Jesser stretches center court! Loosening up, the youtuber is getting ready!
Big Daddy Kane tallies another one! This movie actor keeps racking them up!
Big Daddy Kane, this all-around player, loses the assignment! Easy bucket over shaky emotions under pressure!
Big Daddy Kane can't connect! The script binder in hand, sure. The orange through the hoop, nope!
Derek Fisher sparks the comeback! A bucket at the buzzer! This seasoned vet leads the charge!
The players head to the locker room. Jesser is sweating like a racehorse. Fun fact: Jesser tried to negotiate a 'mandatory nap' clause in his contract. Denied. Both teams retake the hardwood. Everything is still up for grabs.
This well-respected player Derek Fisher misses the free throws! Injury-prone body at the line!
Manute Bol, this established player, barks at the teammate! Ego the size of Texas taking over!
Manute Bol, this absolute unit, stands tall when the team needs this well-respected player most!
Angry Grandpa fails to box out! Lost the position, back to firefighter school!
Manute Bol, this respected competitor, will be back stronger. This defeat fuels the fire.
Jesser bites the inside of his cheek. Angry Grandpa pinches the bridge of his nose. I tried taking notes during the game. My notebook is full of incomprehensible scribbles. Good evening! Up next: 'Fixer Upper: Renovating a Studio on a Twelve-Dollar Budget.' Challenge accepted.
Matchday 9 — vs Houston Blast-Off
106-109 (L)
Derek Fisher, this guy with a proven track record, draws first blood! A finger roll to start!
Big Daddy Kane with a hook shot on the break! Running like they're late for work!
This hidden prospect Jesser gives up the offensive rebound! Ego the size of Texas when boxing out!
Jesser sends it long! Too much power, not enough finesse from this youtuber!
Angry Grandpa with the momentum-shifting two-handed slam! This dude putting the league on notice turning the tide!
Coach calls everyone back. Big Daddy Kane drags his feet toward the tunnel. Confession: Big Daddy Kane tried yoga. Lasted two sessions before declaring it a combat sport. Act two! The bench players are fired up, the starters too.
This league veteran Derek Fisher with the clutch-time breakdown! Tendency to force bad shots on full display!
Manute Bol spins and kicks the stanchion! This league veteran losing composure!
Big Daddy Kane is writing the story tonight! This respected competitor with a bank shot back to the basket!
Big Daddy Kane turns it over in the dying seconds! This legit talent crumbles under pressure!
Big Daddy Kane had the chances but couldn't convert. This guy with a proven track record left wanting.
Big Daddy Kane is the last one off the court, shoulders hunched. Derek Fisher waits at the tunnel entrance. On my end, the AC in the booth broke down. I sweated more than Derek Fisher. We're signing off. And now: 'Musical Chairs: Subway Seat Edition.' Winner takes all.
Matchday 10 — vs Denver Horse-Track
103-112 (L)
This hungry young player Jesser opens the scoring! A deep three! Early advantage!
A deep three from Angry Grandpa goes in and out! Heartbreaking in the paint!
Big Daddy Kane loses possession! The film character never leaves a movie actor's hands like that!
Derek Fisher gets crossed over! This solid pro left frozen driving to the hoop!
Angry Grandpa launches with the precision of a firefighter at work. And it's a free throw!
The locker room fills up. Angry Grandpa has already eaten three oranges. Fun fact: Angry Grandpa was voted best-looking player on the team. By his mom. In a poll she created herself. We're back! Flushed cheeks and hungry eyes on the players.
Angry Grandpa kicks the air! The frustration of a firefighter who knows they can do better!
Angry Grandpa misses the open look! A firefighter never misses the burning structure... But misses the Wilson!
Jesser schemes with the coaching staff! Plotting the next move, true youtuber!
Big Daddy Kane looks to the bench for relief! Relief like a movie actor relieved of the script binder!
Derek Fisher, this league veteran, takes the loss hard. Lack of consistency at the wrong moments.
Big Daddy Kane takes a sip of water and spits it right back out. Derek Fisher doesn't drink. Throat too tight. During the game, my colleague ordered sushi. It arrived at the final buzzer. Perfect timing. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
Matchday 11 — vs New York Over-Timers
96-113 (L)
Angry Grandpa takes off with energy from the opening whistle! This respected competitor locked in!
Manute Bol with the contested step-back three under the basket! No good! Bad selection!
Manute Bol throws it into the stands! What was that from this guy with a proven track record!
This dude putting the league on notice Manute Bol picks up the cheap foul! Injury-prone body showing!
Manute Bol hits an off-balance shot! Nerves of steel proving to be the difference tonight!
Halftime! Big Daddy Kane has the hardwood pattern imprinted on his elbow. Little scoop: Big Daddy Kane collects Pokemon cards. That Charizard is worth more than his first contract. We're back at it. The crowd had time to reload at the snack bar.
Big Daddy Kane, this all-around player, waves off the play call! Sometimes predictable game hurting the team!
Derek Fisher can't hit the ocean right now! Another miss for this established player!
Angry Grandpa communicates the switch! Clear as a firefighter's instructions!
Manute Bol, this respected competitor, is dragging! The four quarters minutes taking their toll!
Big Daddy Kane blows past past the media. This league veteran not in the mood to talk.
Big Daddy Kane snaps at the bench on his way out. Derek Fisher says nothing, but his look says everything. Confession: I bet against my favorite team tonight. Superstition. It works half the time. That's it. Up next: 'Anthony Bourdain Visits: The Park-and-Ride in Poughkeepsie.' Culture shock.
Matchday 12 — vs Cleveland Twin-Towers
91-99 (L)
Big Daddy Kane comes out hot! Heated up and ready, the movie actor means business!
Angry Grandpa forces an off-balance shot along the baseline! This next-level player trying too hard!
Jesser with the travel! Footwork confusion worthy of a lost youtuber!
Angry Grandpa loses their assignment! Like losing the fire hose in the workshop!
Jesser pulls off a half-court heave out of nowhere! Was that basketball or youtuber magic? Unbelievable!
End of the first act. Big Daddy Kane is puffing like a steam engine heading back. Did you know Big Daddy Kane knits to unwind? Made a scarf in Cleveland Twin-Towers's colors. By accident, obviously. Both teams retake the floor. The best may be yet to come.
This established player Angry Grandpa shakes the head in disbelief! Nothing going right!
Angry Grandpa puts up a prayer... Unanswered! Not even the fire hose can save that!
Derek Fisher dishes into the right spacing! Scary good handles and elite court awareness!
Big Daddy Kane is gassed! More tired than after a full day of portraying the film character!
Jesser, this combo guard, trudges off the temple of basketball. Lessons to take from this one.
Big Daddy Kane refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. Jesser watches it and immediately regrets it. Tonight I chewed through two pens. The office supply budget is going to explode. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 13 — vs Boston Ring-Chasers
81-120 (L)
Derek Fisher, this combo guard, takes the court! The Finals-like atmosphere is electric!
Derek Fisher, this smooth operator, double-clutches and misses! Indecision from this seasoned vet!
Angry Grandpa, this combo guard, gets stripped at half court! Shaky emotions under pressure exposed!
Jesser, this smooth operator, can't keep up with the speed! Occasional mental lapses exposed!
Big Daddy Kane shoots the towel! This guy with a proven track record showing limited stamina!
Into the tunnel. Jesser grabs a banana on the way and devours it. Anecdote: Jesser once wore his jersey inside out for the entire first quarter. Nobody dared say anything. Jump ball to restart. Let the second half begin!
Big Daddy Kane, this dude putting the league on notice, pulls the trigger at half court but no luck!
Big Daddy Kane calls for the sub! Even a movie actor's stamina with the script binder has limits!
Big Daddy Kane coughs up the leather! Injury-prone body strikes again in transition!
Jesser storms to the bench! Heated! This youtuber doesn't handle losing well!
This league veteran Manute Bol tips the hat to the winner. Respect despite the pain.
Jesser mutters while walking out. Angry Grandpa watches from the corner of his eye, worried. Your commentator lost his press badge during the game. I had to climb over a barrier. See you tomorrow! Up next: 'Extreme Reading: The Terms and Conditions.' 4-hour special.
Matchday 14 — vs San Antonio Skyscrapers
104-109 (L)
Angry Grandpa gets the starting nod! A firefighter starting with the fire hose confidence!
Big Daddy Kane nails a pull-up jumper with the ease of a movie actor who portrays the film character. Natural!
Manute Bol overcommits and gets beat! Hot head when reading the play!
Big Daddy Kane, this solid build, gets the look but can't convert at the buzzer!
This solid pro Manute Bol with the three-point play! Comeback special from mid-range!
Halftime. The physio pounces on Jesser to massage his thighs. Confession: Jesser believes the away locker room is haunted. Refuses to go in alone. The locker room empties, the court fills up. Act 2.
Derek Fisher shoots and bricks it! Occasional mental lapses in the extra period!
Big Daddy Kane walks away muttering! Muttering about the film character under their breath!
A narrative for the ages: Big Daddy Kane, the movie actor who mastered the script binder and the ball!
Angry Grandpa can't convert the and-one! Extinguishing the burning structure was the easier task!
Jesser hangs their head! A youtuber who gave everything they had!
Jesser refuses to watch the replay on the jumbotron. Angry Grandpa watches it and immediately regrets it. I discovered tonight that my mic was off for three minutes. Three minutes of pure genius, lost forever. Thanks for tonight. Up next: 'American Ninja Warrior: No Elevator Edition.' Sixth floor, no landing.
Matchday 15 — vs Oklahoma City Treasure-Chest
89-105 (L)
This player making noise Angry Grandpa gets the crowd going early! The energy is building!
Angry Grandpa shanks it from half court! Extinguishing the burning structure uses different muscles!
Big Daddy Kane turns it over in half court! Butterfingers from this movie actor!
Jesser gets caught flat-footed! This dark horse beaten to the spot!
Angry Grandpa converts the and-one! Tough as extinguishing the burning structure all day!
Players head to the locker room. Big Daddy Kane has tape on three fingers. I've been told Big Daddy Kane once ordered a pizza during a timeout. The coach was not amused. And we're off! The energy in the arena just went up a notch.
Jesser storms to the bench! This total unknown is visibly upset!
Angry Grandpa, this tweener, bobbles the pill and the chance evaporates from the left corner!
Jesser overloads one side! Loading up with youtuber strategy!
Manute Bol short-arms the shot from fatigue! This hooper's hooper has nothing left!
Jesser gave it everything! Everything a youtuber has, left on the court!
Big Daddy Kane sits on the floor in the hallway. Derek Fisher sits down next to him. Nobody speaks. My chair squeaked the entire game. Everyone thinks it was me. It was not me. See you soon. Coming up: 'Extreme Couponing: Family of Eight at Walmart.' Double episode.
shooters finishes #13 (5W-10L). Better luck next season! MVP: Manute Bol.
Season Journal
Let's not beat around the bush: tonight is going to be one hell of a show. The arena is packed, the air is unbreathable with tension, and the lights just went out for the pregame laser show. We're talking about a franchise that has weathered every storm: lockouts, star injuries, catastrophic trades, rebuilds that never seemed to end. And they're still here, standing tall, with the same fire in their belly. This club is a survivor. And when survivors bite, they don't let go. Ladies and gentlemen... Shooters!
If you paid for your ticket tonight, there's one reason and one reason only, and that reason's name is Manute Bol. Standing at 231 cm, marathon-runner cardio, and surgeon's hands. This man catches a ball mid-flight the way you grab the remote off the couch. Except he follows it up with a spin move, a step-back, and a 30-footer that doesn't even touch the rim. Nothing but net. Every single time. Like the basket is magnetized to the damn ball.
But what truly terrifies opponents isn't his highlights, it's his head. Look into his eyes during crunch time. There's nothing there. No stress, no doubt, just a killer's stare that says "give me the ball and get the hell out of the way." Opposing coaches have tried double-teams, triple-teams, zone defense, trash talk, Hack-a-Shaq... Nothing works. The man is programmed for clutch moments. It's genetic, and there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it.
Moment of truth, folks. You see the guy at the end of the bench, the one who looks completely lost among the giants? That's Jesser. A youtuber in civilian life. The kind of guy who handles their camera better than a basketball, and who somehow ended up on a professional roster because the coach "had a vision." A vision, ladies and gentlemen. Probably somewhere between his second and third mojito at the All-Star Weekend party. Jesser has a unique playing style: he runs a lot, understands very little, and has an unfortunate tendency to treat the algorithm and the basketball exact same way. The fans already love him. Not for his stats (he has none) but because every time he steps on the court, it's Christmas morning.
The budget is fine, nothing more. This is the team that shops with a list and puts back the name-brand cereal for the store brand. They've got a serviceable roster, a guy or two who can drop 20 on a good night, but beyond that, it's filler. The coach works with what he's got, which ain't much, but he makes it work. This is the team that can beat anyone on a Tuesday night and get demolished on Friday. The textbook definition of "depends on the night."
shooters finishes #13 (5W-10L). Better luck next season! MVP: Manute Bol.
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